Chapter Text
The exact moment the titan gains sentience is up for debate. Perhaps it is at The Wall, sharp fingernails scratching at the surface, longing to get in. He briefly considers, just for a second, that if he wants to get past this stone monstrosity he needs a plan. Then, a human gets particularly close to his area of the wall, and the thought is dismissed.
Curiosity
Perhaps it is when they are following the group of humans, the titan was never as hungry as the others, so today he just watches. One of the humans, smaller than the others, whips around a titan and slices the nape of the neck. The titan watches it fall and hesitantly raises a hand to its own nape.
Fear
Perhaps it is later when he watches a human fall under a titan's hand and feels a pang of loss, followed by anger. The titan approaches the group of humans, a hand protectively over its nape, and punches the other titan in the face. He watches the titan fall and then meanders away.
Rage
These emotions are new to it, confusing and overwhelming, so he begins to run.
He runs for a long time, just swirling thoughts and hammering footsteps. He wants to protect the humans, he likes watching them ride the horses and he does not like it when they are eaten. The titan does not have words for this, does not have any way of knowing groundbreaking this is, but the titan does know, slowing to a stop under the blistering sun, that he must protect them.
The titan turns around and heads back to the walls.
The next time the humans leave the walls the titan is waiting for them. He follows at a distance, running at any others that dare approach. The humans are wary, they approach and then back off, testing how close they will get to each other.
The titan wants to touch, wants to pick one up and see how its mouth makes those noises. Wants to know how the things on their hips make them fly and spin. But he can’t, they will hurt him and he does not want to be hurt.
He does not know what the humans think of him, but eventually, they come to an understanding. He will stay far away, far enough that there would be a warning if they tried to hurt each other, and they wouldn’t run when he tries to follow. He gets to know some of them too, the small one who is always on their guard, the loud one who always gets a little too close. Others tend to come and go, he is not always there to protect them, and can’t always stop the others from hurting them.
He hates himself for that.
At some point, the humans try to capture him, they lure him into a wooded area and allow him to follow much more closely. Maybe they like him, he thinks, maybe they will take him back with them. Then there is noise all around him, spears digging into his skin too fast for him to regenerate. His body is smoking from the wounds, pain like he has never known wipes the titan's brain, leaving nothing but instinct and a lingering feeling of betrayal as he snaps at the humans restraining him, pulling the stakes from the ground and swiping at anyone who comes close. The humans flee, and he rests, one hand on his neck and long threads of steam trailing from his body.
He hears a whimper, small, choked. The titan turns its head and sees a human, hanging from the wires they use to move. She is small, brown hair framing her face, in her hand is one of the small swords they carry. For a few tense seconds, they watch each other, and then the titan reaches forwarded and the girl slices his thumb off, it stings, but not much. He ignores this, plucks the sword from her hand, then extracts the girl from the tangle of wires and holds her in his palm. She fits neatly, humans are always so much smaller than he expects.
He takes her to a cave, hidden by a river and high enough that the titan has to climb to reach it. There he sits her on the ground, and, after a moment of hesitation, hands her back the sword. Even though they had just betrayed him, these are his humans, they need to be safe. She takes it and holds it in front of her protectively but doesn’t move to attack. The titan sits and waits.
Eventually, the girl begins to talk. The titan does not understand, but it tries. She is gesturing to her leg, noises of pain interspersed with their familiar language. The titan realizes the leg is shaped wrong, the bottom half at an odd angle, blood welling up from a tear in the skin, staining her white trousers. The girl is awkwardly dragging it into a more comfortable position.
Right, humans heal slowly. He doesn’t know how to solve this problem. Whenever he gets injured he just waits for the problem to go away.
Food. Food heals humans like the sun heals titans, it is why the humans can move during the night when the sun has left titans cold and immobile. He had learned that when the party of humans would investigate him when the sun was down, watching them through open but immobilized eyes, unable to react to them getting closer, but vaguely aware of their presence.
The titan leaves the cave, and goes to search for meat, it is not hard, animals have no reason to fear him, yet. He snaps the neck of a deer and brings it back to the human, pleased to be helping. The human is trying to move her leg back to its normal angle, she is grunting and pulling but she just can’t seem to do it. The titan puts down his catch and takes the leg, straightening it with one easy motion. The human cries but she does not seem scared, for some reason this makes the titan happy.
She guts the deer with a practiced hand, and after she starts pilling wood in a circle the titan realizes she is asking for firewood. The humans don’t usually make fires, and when they do he is too far away to figure out what exactly they are doing, so he guesses. He collects leaves and branches and the human picks out the dry ones. She is talking all this time, and the titan realizes she says one word a lot. He stops her with a gentle finger on her arm, head cocked to one side in a hauntingly human gesture.
She smiles, “Eren. My name is Eren. Is that what you wanted to know?”
Name, he knew that word, he understood it. Why did he understand it?
The titan tries to speak, but his lipless mouth was not made for communication. Titans do not need to communicate. “Urn.” He says, the word clumsy and halting. “Urn.”
“That's right. Eren.”
They survive, Eren teaches him words, basic commands, and the days get colder. They have taken to drawing things in the dirt, as the titan can understand concepts more easily when they have a visual element. He draws Eren, a little stick figure formed by a massive hand. Then he draws more stick figures, further away, and then a line between the two.
“Is that The Wall?” The titan nods, and he drags a finger between Eren and the figures. “You want to bring me home?” The titan does not know that word and cocks his head. A question.
“Behind the wall.”
He nods, and she smiles, “Okay,” The titan can not smile back, but he tries.
First, they gather supplies, Erens leg is still not healed, the skin still red and inflamed. So they smoke strips of meat, and Eren draws edible berries on the floor for the titan to collect. He is trying to climb back, squishing red berries in his large hands when he sees her, back to the wall, motionless.
At first, he thinks she is asleep, but there is a stillness to her body that makes him worry. He examines her leg, yellow pus leaking through the strips of fabric used as bandages, her skin is still warm, but her chest does not rise and fall. The berries in the titans' hands leave red smears as he picks her up. He is going to get her back to the wall, no matter what.
The titan runs, during the day he holds her as if she is alive, and maybe she could be. He has never seen a dead human for longer than a few hours, humans are basically small titans, so shouldn’t they disintegrate?
At night, when the sun leaves and the titan goes dormant, he closes his hands around her and makes sure no scavenges can get to her. The days are cloudy, leaving the titan sluggish and sapped of energy. He moves slowly, and the days blur until he smells humans in the distance.
They take evasive maneuvers, and the titan turns to head them off. The chase is slow, but he is persistent. Eventually, the small army of humans is 50 meters away from him, weapons drawn. They face each other wearily, and the titan knows he will not be able to get closer. He lays Eren on the ground, wrapped in her green cloak with the broken swords in her hands, and then he runs.
The last time he sees Eren, she is surrounded by familiar green cloaks, heading towards the wall.