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We like when things matter, because that’s how we grow, and that’s how we show love.
Think about your favorite time loop narrative. How does the hero escape, alone or with help? If with help, who do they ask it from? Someone who cares about them? Someone they trusted enough to tell the truth to, or who was close enough to them that they knew something was wrong? If alone, how did they do it? Are they the same person coming out of the loop as they were going in?
Time Loop Narratives Are About Love - Katy
Stardate 2261.0218
Sometimes, Jim does it just to get a reaction out of Bones.
“You need to start eating healthier,” Bones huffs to Jim over breakfast, violently jabbing his fork at the other man as if to further his point.
Jim laughs and continues to eat his stack of replicator pancakes. He gives Bones a playful eye roll before taking a bite. “Are you excited for tonight?” he asks, mouth still full of food.
“Jesus, Jim, close your mouth when you eat,” Bones says, his face contorted in a look of distaste.
Jim chuckles again -- sometimes it’s too easy.
“And no,” Bones continues, stabbing at his fruit, “excited isn’t the word I’d use to describe how I’m feeling about tonight.”
“Oh, come on, Bones!” Jim says after swallowing his food. “It’ll be fun! The On’e hold a high regard for those who practice medicine. I’m sure you and the rest of the medical staff will get the VIP treatment.”
The Enterprise was currently above On’e–a planet that had just decided to join the Federation. The O’ne had insisted on throwing a celebratory feast and the Enterprise, being the closest Starship in the area, was asked to represent the Federation at the feast.
“It will be nice to eat some food that hasn’t been scrambled in a synthesizer…” Bones muses, half to himself. Jim watches with amusement as the corners of his mouth twitch upwards ever so slightly.
“That’s the spirit,” Jim says. “And besides, we have a nice relaxing day ahead of us. You still want to go down to the capital city today after I finish my paperwork?”
“Yes,” Bones says, nodding enthusiastically. “I’m ready to plant my feet on solid land again. I just need to finish up on a few physicals and then I’m free.”
“Perfect,” Jim says, smiling.
By the time the morning rolls into the afternoon, Jim’s ready for a break. His hands are beginning to cramp from signing paperwork. Well, it’s not really paperwork, Jim muses as he stretches. Almost everything is filled out on tablets. But still, it’s one of those old turns of phrase that humanity can’t seem to shake.
As Jim finishes filling out his last report of the day – going over the last landing party and subsequent semi-disaster that followed it – his mind begins to wander. Jim loves being a captain and loves his crew, but there are still dull moments. He never knew how many reports a captain had to fill out.
And then there’s the loneliness. Sometimes Jim catches himself longing for the Academy days again. Of course, there are many things about the cadet version of himself that now make him cringe – but he sometimes misses the consistency. Misses the closeness of always having a roommate as well.
Sometimes his captain’s quarters feel a little too big for just himself. Too empty.
Jim quickly shakes his head, not wanting to get caught up in nostalgia. He sends his last report to Starfleet and stands up, shaking out his cramping hand. He makes his way over to the communicator built into the wall.
“Kirk to Medbay.”
“Medbay,” a female voice chimes back. “What can we do for you, Captain?”
“Hello, Nurse Chapel,” Jim replies. “I was just wondering if Dr. McCoy was free yet.”
“He’s just finishing up with Scotty, Sir.”
“Thank you, Nurse. Let him know I’ll meet him in the transporter room in about twenty minutes,” Jim answers.
“Of course. Between you and me, I think he’s ready for a break,” Chapel says, teasing.
Jim chuckles. “I’ll take him off your hands, don’t worry. Kirk out.”
Jim stretches out an arm as he and Bones walk, about thirty minutes later. It’s almost a relief to be able to get out of uniform and wander around as civilians.
“I can’t remember the last time we just hung out off ship,” Jim says, nudging Bones with his shoulder as they walk side by side.
“Hmm, it’s because you don’t know how to take a damn break,” Bones comments, but he smiles.
“You’re one to talk,” Jim points out. “But I was trying to say, this kind of reminds me of our Academy days.”
“Yeah, except you’re not trying to drag me to some dive bar,” Bones snorts. “I swear, I spent half my clinic rotations hungover because of you.”
“You never said no, though,” he says, laughing. “You always agreed to come along.”
Bones shakes his head good naturedly. “Someone had to keep your ass alive.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I had you then,” Jim says, slinging an arm around Bones’ shoulder, tugging him closer. Bones’ ears go pink, just a bit, and Jim grins.
“Yeah, yeah,” he says, but he doesn’t push Jim’s arm off.
They continue walking until a store catches Jim’s eye–it’s a little knick-knack shop. They both decide to head in.
As they enter, an older On’e greets them and invites them to stay as long as they want. Bones immediately wanders off to the far end of the store, where a wall is lined with instruments from various alien cultures. While Joanna is determined to follow in her father’s footsteps as a doctor in Starfleet (something that always makes Bones almost burst with pride when he talks about her), she also has an affinity for music. During their last year at the Academy, Jim had bought Joanna an old-fashioned earth guitar and beginner’s booklet for her birthday; that was the year he earned the official title ‘Uncle Jim.’
Jim makes his way over towards a bookshelf that’s nestled against one of the other walls of the store. He runs his hands across some of the spines–enjoying the rough feel of their age. Jim and everyone else has access to countless books thanks to the Enterprise’s digital library, but there’s something about physical books that Jim loves.
He’s always had an obsession with older things in general; he loves holding things and knowing that their history stretches far, far back. Even as a kid, he liked older Terran technology. When he was about seven, he’d discovered some of his father’s stuff that had been packed away in their family’s attic. Jim had found an old fashioned record player, old vinyls, and a collection of old books, all of which he’d immediately fallen in love with.
Jim idly traces his fingers along the books as he reads the titles. There was a great variety of genres – everything from Vulcan poetry to Klingon romances. Every once in a while he picks up one and skims through it for a moment, before setting it back carefully. He’s just about to leave and go look at something else when a cover catches his eye.
The Complete Works of Arthur Conan Doyle. It’s a hefty book, given all its content, but Jim is transfixed for a moment. He flips it open, checking out the inside cover. He’s so caught up in the book that he doesn’t notice Bones approach from behind.
“Whatcha got there?” Bones asks, peering over his shoulder.
Jim doesn’t jump–but it’s a near thing. He lifts the book for Bones to see. “Look what I found.”
Jim tilts his head back and watches Bones furrow his eyebrows as he reads the text. Eventually, he lets out an impressed whistle. “Now how in the hell did that find its way all the way out here?”
Jim shrugs, bringing the book back down. “I dunno, probably through trading.” While the On’e were about to officially join the Federation, they had long established trading agreements with many different cultures across the galaxy. Jim continues, “But it looks like it's in great condition. And it’s old, too.”
“You gonna get it?” Bones asks. “I bet Spock would get a kick outta that too. He loves those old Sherlock stories almost as much as you.”
Jim shakes his head. “Nah. I already have a lot of books back on the Enterprise.” It’s the truth – he has two full bookshelves in his quarters. But still, his hand itches to take the book back after he shelves it.
Bones gives him a look like he isn’t quite convinced, but Jim changes the subject.
“Did you find anything good for Joanna?” he asks and the topic is quickly forgotten as Bones shows him the On’e flute-like instrument he found for his daughter.
“I’m hoping to mail it to her next time we stop for supplies in a few weeks,” Bones tells him. “She’s been asking when my next letter is comin’.”
“You guys call each other at least three times a week and she still wants a handwritten letter?” Jim teases.
“Nothing can replace a handwritten letter,” Bones huffs. “It’s good that she doesn’t let her life be dominated by all this technology. It isn’t natural to completely rely on it.”
“I was only teasing you,” Jim laughs. “I think it’s sweet.”
And he does think it’s sweet – he knows Bones treasures each letter Joanna sends back to him. It’s hard to mail written letters out in space, but Joanna and Bones make it work. If Joanna’s anything like her father – and Jim knows she is – she likely has a box of all her father’s letters. Bones keeps all of Joanna’s letters safely tucked away in a box in his quarters. When he has bad days – or days where he misses her more than usual -- he’ll leaf through them.
Jim has caught him doing this a bit more recently. He wonders if maybe they could work something out for Joanna to come out and visit sometime soon. Jim’s heart does a funny flip at the thought; seeing Bones and Joanna together is always so endearing to him. Jim would also like to see Joanna again too – she’s a great kid and he loves spending time with her.
Eventually, Bones and Jim decide to check out and head on their way. However, before Bones goes to buy Joanna’s gift, he all but shoves Jim outside. Jim lets himself be shooed out under the guise that he doesn’t need to wait inside for Bones. But, Jim knows better – he knows what Bones is doing. Jim meant what he said – he doesn’t need the book – but Bones is probably in the store buying it for him anyway.
Jim plays along anyway, happily waiting outside in the mild warmth of the sun, his hands in his pockets. When Bones finally exits the store, bag in hand, Jim smiles.
“Got everything you needed?” he teases.
Bones rolls his eyes and nods. Jim chuckles and nods. They both know what’s in the bag,but neither of them mention it. After so many years of knowing each other, it’s hard to lie to the other. And it’s not like Bones is a bad liar–he can be pretty damn convincing if he wants to. It’s just that he doesn’t often lie to Jim, and when he does dance around the truth, Jim can always tell.
That’s what years of familiarity will get you, Jim thinks fondly.
“I do have to head back up to the ship though,” Bones says. “There was an incident with a few of the crew who decided to go see those ruins in the north of the city. I got the comm while I was inside.”
“Is everyone alright?”
“For the most part, it seems to be mostly bumps and bruises, but Commander Kyle got a nasty hit to the head that I want to take a look at myself.”
“Sounds good,” Jim nods. “We can head back then.”
“Oh, come on now, Leonard. They’re not that bad,” M’Benga’s voice carries out, from the transporter room.
Jim snorts quietly as he enters the room, already knowing where the conversation is going.
“I feel like a prized pig at the state fair,” Bones says and Jim enters just in time to see him yanking at the collar of his Starfleet dress uniform. “I don’t know why they make us wear these damn things.”
Chapel laughs and pats him on the shoulder affectionately. “I’m sure you’ll get through this somehow.”
“C’mon, Bones,” Jim says. “I agree with M’Benga. They’re really not that bad.”
“They itch, Jim.”
“I don’t like them much, either,” Uhura says, walking over with Spock. She tugs at her sleeves. “They could stand to be a bit more comfortable.”
“See,” Bones says, gesturing towards Uhura with his hand. “I don’t see why Starfleet had to create a whole new outfit when we already have uniforms.”
“Our dress uniforms convey a greater sense of importance and respect–” Spock begins.
“Okay, okay,” Bones interrupts. “I didn’t mean to start a whole debate. They just itch.”
Jim shakes his head and laughs, then takes a look around the transporter room. Almost everyone seems to be there, save for a few. Jim pulls Bones aside.
“Say, how’s Commander Kyle doing?” Jim asks.
“Oh, he’ll be fine,” Bones says, still pulling at his collar. Jim bats his hand away and Bones rolls his eyes, but continues. “A little further to the right and closer to his temple, he would’ve been in serious trouble, but he got lucky. He’ll be back up to terrorizing cadets soon enough.”
“Glad to hear it,” Jim says. “I’m sure Scotty is happy he’ll be back in engineering soon, too.”
Jim looks around the room briefly and motions for them to begin to beam down. It’ll take a few groups to get everyone down, planet-side.
Even with decades of contact and years of tentative trade and negotiations, not much was known about the On’e to outsiders. As such, their sudden agreement had come as a surprise to the Federation – though a pleasant one. Given the importance, Starfleet expected the entire senior crew of the Enterprise to beam down to the celebratory dinner. However, the On’e also held doctors, nurses, and healers in high regard and had insisted on hosting as much of the medical staff as could be spared.
“Let’s get this over with,” Bones says and he boards the transporter. He rubs his head, “I think I might have a headache coming on.”
“Why don’t you swing by tonight for a drink after?” Jim says to him, keeping his voice low.
Bones, still rubbing his forehead, smiles. “I’d like that. They probably won’t be serving any alcohol at this thing.”
“Probably not,” Jim says quietly. Then he straightens up and looks around, checking to see if everyone’s in place.
“Energize.”
The On’e feast is nice, if a bit long. According to tradition, each guest is seated between two On’e, to encourage discussion and familiarity between everyone. It’s a nice tradition, Jim thinks, but he wishes he was seated next to someone from the crew.
He reaches to take a sip of his drink and tries to focus on the story the On’e at the head of the table, their leader (who the On’e refer to as The One), is telling. The One has long, braided hair that hangs down almost to her legs. Her skin is a dark purple, with lighter patches of purple running parallel almost like stripes across her body. Most On’e seem to have similar markings, but some, like the On’e seated to Jim’s right, have blue skin, rather than purple. Almost all of the On’e, however, wear their dark hair similarly to their leader.
The beverage Jim takes a sip of – which he’s forgotten the name already – is a pleasant purple color and has a mildly sweet, fruity taste. The On’e leader continues to speak, explaining a traditional On’e creation story, but Jim is having a hard time keeping the story straight. He keeps his glass in his hand and glaces at Bones, trying to catch his eye.
Bones, who’s a little ways down the table on the other side, must feel Jim’s eyes on him because he looks back. Jim raises an eyebrow at him and shoots his eyes towards the head of the table. Bones nods and gives a little shrug as if to say–I’m lost too.
Their silent conversation is interrupted by the On’e to Jim’s right.
“Are you enjoying the story?” she asks softly, her voice slightly amused.
Jim coughs into his hand awkwardly, feeling like he was just caught passing notes in class. “It’s–it’s certainly very interesting,” he offers. Damn, he thinks, I’m supposed to be diplomatic.
The On’e, a highly regarded healer named Dinro, to whom Jim was introduced to earlier, smiles at him without malice. “We tell stories very differently, in our culture. It can be hard for outsiders to understand,” she says, sympathetically.
Jim smiles. “Yeah, it’s a little hard for me to follow along,” he says. “But, I meant what I said, it is interesting. Even if I’m not catching everything, the storytelling is beautiful.”
Dinro smiles again, tilting her head. “Indeed. We tend to view things in a much more circular sense. We value nonlinear storytelling. Oh–” she says, hushed. “This is my favorite part of the tale, you must listen.”
Dinro turns back to the On’e leader and Jim follows suit. Though he’s still a little lost, Jim meant what he said – the way the One speaks is compelling and there’s something beautiful in the way she paints images with her words.
Eventually, The One concludes her story and the room breaks out in applause. Once it dies down, the On’e leader speaks one last time.
“We are gathered here tonight to celebrate the joining of our planet with the Federation. Though this decision took years to reach, we, the On’e, feel that is the correct one. Tonight, we celebrate what the future holds in store for all of us.” The One raises her drink and the table follows suit. “Enough of my talking, now. I invite you all to enjoy the food and the company of your neighbor.”
The leader finally sits and the table begins to break into idle chatter. Everyone is seated at a spectacularly large table in the courtyard of the On’e capitol building. While the On’e have impressive technology on their planet, the courtyard is lit with traditional torches that line the large, rust-red brick walls that surround the yard. Above them is open to the night sky and the warm weather on the On’e’s planet keeps the temperature comfortable. Occasionally, a warm breeze will roll through, causing the firelight to dance; it reminds Jim of warm summer nights from his childhood in Iowa.
Dinro strikes up another conversation with Jim and they begin to discuss literature in their respective cultures. Jim quickly learns that Dinro, along with being an accomplished healer, is well versed in not only On’e literature, but also Vulcan and Andorian literature.
“I find Vulcan poetry to be very compelling,” she says, before reaching to eat a piece of some kind of red On’e berry.
“Really?” Jim asks, leaning on the arm of his chair.
“Oh yes,” Dinro laughs. “I like the logic of them;here’s something strangely romantic in a lot of Vulcan poetry.”
Jim laughs back.
“You seem unconvinced,” Dinro says and Jim makes a wide gesture with his hands.
“While I’m not well versed in Vulcan poetry, I have a feeling much of it would be fairly literal.”
Dinro tilts her head and hums, looking up for a moment. Then, she looks back at Jim. “My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun,” she says, a glint in her eyes. “Coral is far more red than her lips’ red.”
Jim feels his eyebrows go up. “Shakespeare?”
“Sonnet 130, one of his most famous. The comparisons he makes to his lover are quite literal, are they not?” Dinro asks.
This pulls a laugh out of Jim. “That they are–I love to hear her speak, yet well I know / That music hath a far more pleasing sound.” Jim chuckles again.
Dinro hums. “And yet, it is still considered a romantic poem. And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare / As any she belied with false compare.”
“Alright, I see your point,” Jim says, leaning his head towards Dinro. “I’ll have to check out some Vulcan poetry next time I get the chance. Maybe my first officer will have some recommendations,” he says, glancing at Spock, who also appears to be deep in conversation with the On’e to his left.
Dinro raises an elegant eyebrow and looks toward Spock, then back at Jim. “Are you two–?”
Jim sputters out a laugh. “Oh, no,” he says, waving his hand. “I think his girlfriend would kill me if I tried anything.”
“Ah,” Dinro says, smiling and taking another sip of her drink. “Then you are unattached?”
“I mean–” Jim starts and his treacherous eyes flicker towards Bones. “Yes,” he says, collecting himself. “I’m unattached.”
“I would imagine it’s hard for a Starship captain to settle down,” Dinro comments, though she glances towards Bones over her drink, obviously tracking Jim’s eye movements.
Bones and M’Benga, having finished their meal, are standing with a couple of other On’e – likely other healers – and making easy conversation.
Jim is about to offer a follow up to Dinro’s comment when he sees her eyebrows furrow, making him pause. Dinro carefully sets down her drink and turns to Jim.
“Is that man your CMO?” she asks and Jim nods. Dinro turns back to Bones and tilts her head, thinking. “I believe your CMO is sick, or likely ‘coming down with something,’ to put it in human terms. He should get some rest, soon.”
“You can tell that from across the room?” he asks. Jim raises his eyebrows and turns to Bones, who looks just fine. But then again, he had mentioned a headache earlier.
Dinro shrugs and turns back to Jim. “I am the head healer here. I am very good at my job.”
A bit of unease unfurls in Jim’s stomach at Dinro’s words, but she doesn’t seem particularly worried and she doesn’t say anything else about the matter. Dinro picks their conversation of literature backup before Jim can ask her more. He files the comment away in his mind; he’ll be sure to bring it up to Bones so he can get himself checked out later.
The celebration feast eventually winds down. Jim makes sure to give his thanks to the On’e leader directly, before he and the rest of the Enterprise crew gather to beam back up.
They beam back up in the same groups that everyone beamed down in. The senior crew elect to beam up last, but when it’s finally time for them to go, Bones – surprisingly – tells Jim he wants to stay longer.
“I’d like to pick their minds a bit longer on their healing techniques,” Bones tells him, pointing to some On’e healers with his thumb. “Since they’re so new to the Federation, we really have no knowledge of their medical practices or abilities. It’s real interesting stuff, Jim.”
“Of course,” Jim says, smiling. “Just let Scotty know when you’re ready to beam back up. And swing by my quarters when you get back, yeah?” he asks, patting Bones’ shoulder.
Bones smiles and nods, and heads back towards the others.
Bones doesn’t end up stopping by Jim’s quarters later, however. About an hour later, Jim gets a comm from his friend, canceling.
“Sorry, Jim,” Bones says through the speaker. “There was some weird malfunction beaming back aboard and my headache turned into a full blown migraine.”
“Are you alright?” Jim asks, leaning towards the speaker, as if he could go through it to see Bones.
He can hear a staticy huff. “Yeah, yeah. I just don’t like gettin’ my atoms all scrambled.”
“You know that’s not how it works,” Jim says, smiling. “You know, it’s a bit weird. The healer I sat next to – Dinro – mentioned that she thought you were coming down with something.”
“I promise, if it’s something to worry about, I’ll let you know,” Bones says. “I’m going to see if I can just sleep this off.”
“Okay,” Jim says. “See you tomorrow.”
Stardate 2261.0218
Jim makes his way over to where Bones is sitting, setting his tray of replicator pancakes down on the table and sits down across from his friend.
Bones glances towards Jim’s tray and makes a face, but doesn’t say anything. Jim tilts his head – Bones looks tired – there are bags under his eyes and a slouch to his figure.
“Hey, are you alright?” he asks, grabbing his fork.
“Didn’t sleep, is all,” he mutters with a shrug. “My headache is gone, though.”
“Headache?” Jim asks, feeling mild concern. Bones didn’t mention a headache yesterday.
Bones throws him a look and Jim feels his stomach roll – maybe Bones did mention it and he just forgot. Oops.
“Nevermind,” Bones says, reaching for his cup of water.
Jim looks his friend over once more, before cutting into his pancakes. “Well, are you at least excited for tonight?” he asks.
“What’s tonight?” Confusion draws over his friend’s face.
Jim smiles and shakes his head—Bones is probably playing dumb on purpose. “Bones, I know diplomatic missions aren’t your favorite, but I think you’ll really like the On’e,” he says. The On’e have a high regard for healers and medical figures, something Bones should appreciate as well.
Jim begins to eat, but stops when he notices Bones staring at him, like he’s grown a second head. “What?” he asks, food still in his mouth.
“Are you fucking with me?” Bones asks.
“What?”
“I’m serious,” Bones scowls. “I don’t damn appreciate it,” he says, crossing his arms.
Jim shakes his head and swallows. “Bones, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says, sincerely.
The scowl on his friend’s face drops, replaced with a concerned frown. “Then what – the On’e celebration fest is tonight?” he asks.
Jim isn’t sure how to navigate this conversation. “Yes?” he tries. “Bones, we were asked to do this weeks ago, did you really forget?”
Bones blinks. “I–” he starts, then shakes his head. “Yes, sorry. I must’ve forgotten. Sorry for snapping at you, I really didn’t sleep well. I had some weird dreams.”
“It’s all good,” Jim says easily, but Bones still looks uncertain. “Hey, cheer up. In a few hours we can head down to the planet later and check out some of the sights, just the two of us.”
“Yeah…yeah, that sounds fine. I…” Bones trails off, his face looking pale. Jim’s about to ask if he’s sure he’s okay when Bones shakes his head and stands up, abruptly. “I’ll meet you later, okay? I gotta…I have stuff I need to take care of beforehand.”
“Hey–” Jim tries to reach for Bones but his friend is off, practically running out of the cafeteria before he can stop him.
Jim sits for a moment, confused by his friend’s behavior.
In front of him sits Bones’ breakfast, barely touched.
Bones is still twitchy when they beam down to the planet together. Jim tries to make conversation with him, but Bones’s answers are short and clipped; his mouth is pressed into a thin line almost the entire time. Jim wants to pester him about what’s wrong, but he doesn’t want Bones to shut down on him completely.
In the Academy, when Bones had particularly rough days or even weeks, he tended to draw into himself. Jim quickly found out that confronting his friend about it often made him feel cornered and only made him draw into himself more. Bones, when given the time to process his emotions, usually comes around. He just likes to do it on his own terms. Time and distractions usually help in the meantime.
And Jim spots the perfect distraction as they make their way into the downtown of the On’e city. A tiny knick-knack store, nestled between other busy shops and restaurants, catches his eye. Jim all but drags the other man in.
“I bet you can find something for Joanna here,” he tells Bones.
Bones takes in the store with a critical eye. “Yeah,” he says, distantly. “I’m sure I will.”
There’s a kindly On’e shopkeeper, who sits behind a counter in the corner. “Welcome back,” they call out. “Please, stay as long as you need.”
Jim waves a thanks at them – not bothering to correct them – before leaning over to whisper to Bones. “Weird, they must have trouble telling humans apart,” he mutters. “Or maybe their eyesight is just really bad.”
A stricken look passes over Bones’ face before he smooths it out with a clearly strained smile. “Well, I doubt they get a lot of human customers,” he says.
Jim shrugs, filing the weird expression away in his mind. If Bones keeps acting weird by the end of the day, he’ll have to have a talk with him. For now, he’ll stay close by and keep an eye on him.
Jim takes a look around the shop, pulling Bones along. The back wall of the store catches his eye. It’s lined with instruments from various planets and cultures, perfect for Joanna.
“Here,” he says to Bones. “I bet Joanna would love any one of these.”
Bones nods and immediately goes to pick up an instrument that’s labeled as an On’e flute. It was nestled – almost hidden — on the far end of the wall.
“Oooh,” Jim says, leaning in to take a look. “Nice eye, Bones. She’ll love that.”
“I think she will too,” Bones replies. He brings the instrument up to his eyes, inspecting it closely. Jim resists the urge to gently tease his friend. Only the best for Joanna.
Abruptly, Bones straightens up and turns. “Let’s go look at the books,” he says, tugging on Jim’s arm.
Jim smiles and follows along. He’d been so caught up he hadn’t even noticed the other wall of the stores that was stacked with books. As they approached, Jim let out a low whistle.
“They must have something from every quadrant in the Federation,” he says, a bit breathlessly, as he gently inspects the spines of the books.
Besides him, Bones reaches out and plucks a book off the shelf, opens it, and flips through it with a small frown.
“What’s that?” Jim asks, his curiosity now directed at Bones.
Bones eyes him and shuts the book, tucking it under his arm. “You’ll see later,” he says, a small smile in his voice.
“Aw, c’mon, don’t be like that,” Jim says. He reaches to grab the book from Bones, but Bones dodges him easily. He huffs out a laugh and takes a step back.
“You’re the most childish person I’ve ever met,” he says good naturedly. “You keep lookin’ here, I’m going to check out. And stay here until I’m done, no snooping,” he says, pointing his finger.
Jim laughs and holds up his hands in defeat. “Alright, alright. I promise I’ll be good.”
Bones nods and makes his way to the counter and Jim continues his scan of the books. Something of the tension he’d been carrying in his stomach has finally loosened, seeing Bones smile. Maybe he’d just had a bad morning, Jim thinks.
Hopefully, the rest of the day will be better.
The rest of the day does end up going well. Bones still seems on edge, but their trip planet-side seems to have mellowed out his mood a bit.
Before he knows it, Jim finds himself seated at the On’e celebration feast, trying and failing to follow the On’e leader’s story of their culture’s creation. Jim fiddles with his drink, looking around the table. He looks over at Bones, trying to catch his eye, but the other man seems to be absorbed in the tale.
Jim sighs through his nose. Maybe it’s just him that can’t seem to follow along. He reaches to sip his drink when the On’e next to him speaks.
“Are you enjoying the story?” she asks softly, her voice slightly amused, and Jim almost inhales his drink.
He coughs, quietly, trying to clear his throat. The On’e – Dinro – looks a bit sheepish.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I did not mean to startle you.”
“It’s fine,” Jim says, waving his hand. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Hm, I will not then,” Dinro says, smiling. Then, “So, are you? Enjoying the story?”
“Well,” Jim starts, glancing back towards the head of the table. “It’s certainly interesting.”
“In our culture, storytelling is very different,” Dinro chuckles. “It can be hard for outsiders to understand.”
From there, Dinro and Jim hit it off, continuing to speak throughout the whole meal. Jim discovers that she’s well versed in On’e literature, as well the literature of various other cultures. She even quotes Shakespeare at him, which impresses him.
Eventually things wind down, they say their goodbyes, and the Enterprise crew gathers to beam back aboard.
“It was wonderful talking with you,” Jim tells Dinro.
Dinro smiles and grips his left shoulder – a traditional On’e gesture. “I look forward to meeting you again,” she tells him.
Jim awkwardly returns the gesture. “I’m not sure when we’ll return to On’e – if at all – but if we do, I will be sure to seek you out. I’ll keep your book recommendations in mind.”
“And I will keep yours in mind, as well. Until we meet again,” she repeats.
Jim nods goodbye and joins back with the remaining Enterprise crew, waiting to leave. He notices Bones fiddling with his dress uniform and feels fond amusement spread in his chest; his friend hates wearing ‘fleet dress clothes.
“Hey,” Jim says, sliding next to Bones. “Wanna stop by my quarters for a drink once we’re back up?”
Bones, who still seems oddly distracted, thankfully nods his head. “I could use a drink after today,” he mutters.
“Do you have any psychics in your family, Jim?” Bones asks him later, once they’re both in his quarters.
Bones is sitting across from him, seated at the small bar-table in Jim’s room. Jim, who’s leaning against the table on the opposite side, pauses, his hand on his drink, considering.
“I don’t think so,” he says finally. “My great-grandpa swore he could predict the weather,” he jokes. “But I think it was just old fashioned arthritis.”
Bones sighs and leans on his hand, taking a sip of his drink.
“Why do you ask?” Jim wonders.
Bones shrugs. “It’s–” he pauses, swirling his drink. “Just curious, is all.” He takes a sip.
“Hmm, I’m not buying it,” Jim says, half smiling, half serious. “Out with it – you’ve been acting weird all day.”
Bones sighs again and sets his drink down. “Am I that obvious?”
“To me? Yes,” Jim answers easily. Bones shoots him a look, then looks down at his drink, like it holds all the answers.
Jim waits patiently, letting Bones take his time to find his words. When he finally speaks, he keeps his eyes down.
“I don’t know,” he says.
“Bones–”
“No, I mean that, Jim,” he says, looking up. “I think…good lord, I’m going to sound crazy.” Bones buries his head in his hands.
“Try me,” Jim says. Bones looks up, expression uncertain. Jim raises his eyebrows and gestures – go on.
Bones takes a deep breath before speaking. “It’s just – the damn dream I had last night.”
Jim blinks. Out of everything, he wasn’t expecting that to be the explanation. “You’ve been twitchy all day because of a dream?”
“I have not been twitchy,” Bones snaps, pointing his finger. “And yes, it was because of a dream. But Jim, it wasn’t just any dream it was…” he trails off.
“A nightmare?” Jim supplies and Bones frowns, shaking his head.
“No, I dreamed of today. And it was almost beat by beat exactly what happened. It – dammit – I know it sounds crazy.”
“No, no,” Jim says and Bones scowls. Jim winces. “Alright, it sounds a little odd. And, sure I’d be a little freaked out if I dreamed of the future, but as far as we know, your psi tests have always been low.”
Bones leans back, cupping his drink. “I know they have. And there’s no history of psychics in my family, either. I even had Christine conduct another psi test on me today, just to be sure. My scores are still the same.” Bones shakes his head and takes a drink before continuing. “But Jim, it felt so real. It felt like I lived it – I’ve never had a dream like it. And it was accurate.”
Jim considers everything Bones has said. He certainly knows why Bones seemed so off all day – why he still seems off – but he’s struggling to come up with a solution. “Did you dream about this?” he asks.
Bones looks at him, surprised. “No,” he says, gruffly. “This is different. In my dream, I stayed down after the feast to talk with some On’e healers.”
“Well, see!” Jim says, moving his hand. “Not everything was exactly the same. Maybe you just had a really accurate dream.”
Bones still looks unconvinced, and Jim is himself, to be honest. If what Bones is saying is true – which he doesn’t doubt – then there’s probably something going on. For the life of him, Jim can’t figure out what this all means.
“Here,” Jim says, setting down his drink. “This is something we can at least keep track of, yeah? If it happens again, tell me right away. We’ll figure out what’s happening, together.”
This, finally, seems to put Bones at ease. Some of the tension in body loosens and he nods. “Yeah, alright,” he says and Jim smiles.
“Hey!” Jim says, straightening. “Maybe Spock would have a better idea. Want me to call him down?”
Bones shakes his head. “I don’t have the energy to go over this again, at least not today. And I don’t want to hear him tell me how ‘illogical’ this is.”
“Bones, are you sure?” Jim asks. “You seem pretty rattled by this.”
Bones waves his hand. “I’m sure. I’ll talk to him tomorrow, once I’ve had a proper night's sleep.”
Stardate 2261.0218
Jim sits by himself in the Enterprise’s cafeteria, wracking his brain to figure out why Bones had practically run away from him.
His friend had looked a bit weary when Jim had come to sit down, but Jim had chalked it up to general tiredness. They’d barely begun talking before Jim had mentioned the On’e celebration feast. When he had, Bones’ entire face went pale, he stood up, and rushed out of the room.
Jim shakes his head and gets up, leaving his pancakes unfinished in order to seek out his friend.
“Bones, come on,” Jim says, knocking on the doors to Bones’ quarters. “Let me in.”
Jim is just about to knock again when the doors slide open. His hand remains paused in midair, as he takes in his friend's disheveled figure.
“Jim,” Bones says, very seriously. “What did we do yesterday?”
Jim blinks. “Bones, what are you talking about–?”
“Please,” Bones interrupts him, hysteria lacing his voice. “Please, Jim, just answer the question.”
Jim feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “We spent yesterday in warp, so we’d get here in time for the celebration feast. You spent most of the day in sickbay, but came up to the bridge at the end of Alpha shift. We had dinner together. Remember?”
Jim watches Bones’ face get paler and paler the longer he talks. When he finishes, Bones all but collapses against the door frame. He looks down, nodding slowly.
“Yeah,” he whispers. “Yeah, I remember.”
Jim feels off centered, seeing Bones so off. He reaches out instinctively but Bones tenses at his touch.
“Bones, what’s–”
“Jim,” Bones says, stepping backwards, away from him. “I think – I think I need to take a sick day.”
He steps back and lets the automatic doors shoosh close, leaving Jim alone in the corridor, feeling incredibly lost.
Later that afternoon, Jim finds himself planet-side, all alone.
Bones had refused to open his door back up after his freakout. Being captain, Jim technically had the authority to override and open Bones’ quarters, but Jim wasn’t sure that was the correct course of action. Doing that would run the risk of pissing Bones off and pushing him to shut down completely.
Jim stuffs his hands in his pockets and sighs. It’s a nice day, sunny and warm. Jim loves the Enterprise, he loves being in space, but he does miss the feeling of sun on his skin. He just wishes Bones was here to share it with him.
Bones still has bad days – Jim had witnessed many first hand at the Academy – and maybe this was one of them. Regardless, Jim is resolved to speak with him if Bones didn’t reach out before the end of the day.
Still, Jim isn’t going to waste his half day off. Maybe he can find something interesting to take to Bones later.
After walking around the On’e capital city for a while, he finds a small curiosity shop and enters, sure he’ll be able to find something fun there at least.
The shopkeeper looks up when Jim enters, and they smile. “Welcome back,” they call out. They look over Jim and a small frown tugs on their pale purple face. “Where is your companion?”
Jim furrows his eyebrows, but smiles goodnaturedly. “I think you have me mistaken for someone else,” he says, sticking his hands in his pockets. “This is my first time visiting On’e.”
The shopkeeper tilts their head and mutters a small ‘ah,’ as if they just remembered something important. “Forgive me,” they say easily. “My mistake.”
“It’s no problem. Though, I did have a friend who I wanted to invite with me,” he says. “But, he’s not feeling well today.”
Jim’s not sure why he’s telling the shopkeeper all of this, but the On’e smiles in return, nodding their head. They peer at Jim, tilting their head down slightly to look over the old-fashioned glasses that sit on their nose. A small chain connects the back of them; they look startlingly similar to old Terran glasses. Jim wonders if they are from Earth.
“Stay as long as you’d like,” the On’e says. “Maybe you can find something for your friend, to cheer them up.”
Jim smiles and nods his head. “That’s the plan.”
He spends some time wandering around the shop, looking at the various knick-knacks, trying to decide what Bones might like. Nothing seems to fit, though. His attention is eventually caught by the back wall, which is lined with instruments. Jim makes his way over to inspect it.
If I can’t find something nice for Bones, he thinks, picking up an Andorian hand drum, maybe I can at least find something nice for Joanna.
Her birthday is coming up, he knows. Jim spends a few more minutes looking over various instruments before settling on a wooden On’e flute.
Perfect.
Present in hand, Jim eyes the wall of books in the shop, but decides against it to save time. He might be here all day, if he indulges himself. Instead he goes to check-out.
The On’e shopkeeper is still behind the store’s counter, seemingly engrossed in a book. They look up when they hear Jim approach and set the book aside.
“Will this be all?” they ask and Jim nods. The shopkeeper hmms and takes the small flute out of Jim’s hand. “Ah,” they say. “This is an excellent choice. Though my people are known for our healers, we have a deep respect for music.”
Jim raises his eyebrows slightly in interest. “My friend’s daughter – the same one who couldn’t come with me today – loves learning about music.”
“A smart girl,” the On’e says, carefully wrapping the flute for Jim. “This flute isn’t much different from the first On’e instruments from thousands of years ago. You can tell her this instrument has an ancient history.”
“I will, thank you,” Jim says, with a smile.
They talk for a few minutes more before Jim bids his farewell. The On’e shopkeeper thanks him for his conversation and waves goodbye as Jim nears the door.
“I look forward to our next meeting,” they call out.
Jim nods and smiles. It’s unlikely he’ll ever come back to this shop, but nods a farwell back all the same.
Bones must really be sick, because he calls off for the celebration feast as well. As much as the doctor bemoans diplomatic functions, he always shows up for them. Jim tries to rein in his worry; he wants to go tear down Bones’ door and see what’s wrong. But he can’t quite yet, given that he has to attend the feast himself and play diplomat.
The feast is nice, though. The On’e leader regales guests with a creation story that Jim can’t follow. The On’e he’s seated next to serves as a nice conversationalist, but Jim’s heart isn’t quite in it. He finds his mind trailing back to Bones the entire time.
Once the whole thing is finished, Jim practically dashes off to his quarters to change, before making his way to Bones’ room. The entire walk there, he braces himself for pushback from his friend; Bones likes to hide himself away at times like these.
This is why he’s so surprised when the doors to his friend’s room swish open after one knock. Jim stands for a moment, before collecting himself and entering.
“Bones?” he calls out.
“‘M over here,” Bones calls out, from the small table that sits in his room.
Jim makes his way over, looking Bones up and down with a critical eye. His friend looks worse for wear; his hair is slightly disheveled and he’s in his off duty clothes. He sits, rolling a drink between his hands. The drink, however, looks untouched.
“Hey,” Jim says, approaching his friend, feeling like he’s walking towards a wild animal who might bolt at any moment.
“Hey, Jim,” Bones says. His voice sounds hoarse and Jim frowns.
Jim sits himself down next to his friend, but Bones doesn’t move, just continues to stare down at his drink. Jim waits about thirty seconds before he decides to speak.
“So,” he says, trying for casual. “You wanna tell me what’s wrong?”
Bones doesn’t say anything at first, but the lines of his mouth press together tightly, going thin. “No,” he finally says, reaching to take a drink. “I really, really don’t, Jim.”
Jim resists the urge to sigh. It was often like this with Bones; as much as the other man scolded and shouted about the importance of health, sometimes he didn’t practice what he preached. Sure, Bones was better than most about getting himself proper rest and food, but he could be just as stubborn as Jim about his own health, if not moreso. He tended to keep things to himself, to bundle them up and keep them inside. Part of it, Jim knew, was simply because Bones was a doctor. His friend knew more about medicine and care than most, and as such was reluctant to let anyone care for him.
But another part of it was simply because this was just how Bones was as a person. He didn’t like to be a burden on others – something that simply boggled Jim’s mind. Bones was a lot of things, but a burden wasn’t one of them. A hypocrite, maybe. For someone who gave his care and love so easily, Bones had a hard time accepting it back. He acted as though he thought he wasn’t deserving of it, when the exact opposite was so clearly true. Bones, afterall, was an easy person to love.
And, hell, did Jim know that firsthand. This is what made these conversations so much harder for him. He loved Bones so much, it almost scared him sometimes.
“Bones,” Jim says. “Come on. I’m worried about you.”
Bones finally lifts his eyes and turns them to Jim. There’s an exhaustion in them that Jim hasn’t seen in a long time.
“I don’t,” Bones pauses, closing his mouth and grimacing. “Jim, I think I might be going crazy.”
Alarm bells start going off in Jim’s head. “Bones, please.” He leans forward, reaching out a hand, but stopping. He hovers for a moment. “Talk to me.”
Bones knocks back the rest of his drink and sets his cup down, roughly. “I don’t know where to begin,” he mutters. Bones glares at his empty glass, as if he’s upset about its lack of contents. Jim can practically see the gears moving in his friend’s head.
Suddenly, Bones sits up, straight, as if something’s just occurred to him.
“Bones?” Jim asks, leaning on the table to get a better look at his friend. “What is it?”
“Fuck,” his friend swears, quietly, then shakes his head. He turns to Jim. “Jim,” he says, seriously. “I’ll tell you what’s going on – I promise, but not tonight. Why don’t you–” he pauses, his face looking pained, before he surges on. “Why don’t you ask me, again, in the morning?”
Jim feels his eyebrows go up. “What–why?”
“Just, please,” Bones says. “Trust me, okay?”
The alarm bells in Jim’s head are still there, they’re practically on red alert. It takes almost everything in him not to argue with his friend, to not grab him and shake him until he tells him what’s going on. But–
But, Jim trusts Bones. He trusts him more than anyone in the whole galaxy.
Jim breathes out and nods his head, slowly.
“Okay,” he says. “I trust you.”
Stardate 2261.0218
Jim sighs and swishes his drink around, trying and failing to pay attention to The One’s speech.
Today had not turned out at all like he’d planned. He’d hoped to take Bones planet-side to spend some time with his friend, one on one. Sure, they saw each other daily on the Enterprise, but they hadn’t had very many opportunities to do something fun with just the two of them in a long while. Jim almost felt silly admitting it, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he missed Bones, even when he saw him to some extent everyday.
However, Bones had comm’d him early in the morning, telling him he was feeling under the weather, would need the day off, and that he wouldn’t be attending the celebration feast either.
(“Are you alright?” Jim asks, stomach rolling with concern.
“Yeah,” Bones replies. “Nothing too serious–just need a day or two of rest to recover.”
“Do you want some company? I could bring over–”
“No,” Bones says, cutting him off. Jim feels a flash of hurt before Bones continues. “It’s not–I don’t want you catchin’ it too. The last thing I need is a sick Jim Kirk on my hands.”
Of course. Jim rolls his eyes. “If you’re sure,” he says. Jim is sure Bones is fine. But he doesn’t necessarily have the best track record when it comes to his own health. That and there’s something off about his tone of voice–it sounds strained.
“Contrary to popular belief, I can take care of myself,” Bones grumbles.
“Uh huh,” Jim says. “Just like that time at the Academy–”
“Oh for the love of–I’m never going to live that down, am I?”
“Well, if I had caught Rigelian fever and passed out because I refused to seek help, you wouldn’t let me forget it either.”
Jim laughs when he hears Bones sputter through the speaker. “I was on my way to the hospital when I passed out, asshole. You would’ve waited until death was knocking on your door to go get help.”
“Whatever you say, Bones,” Jim chuckles before clearing his throat. “But seriously, ‘you sure you’re alright?”
For a moment, there’s only static coming across the speaker. This hesitation is almost enough to make Jim sprint across the Enterprise to Bones.
“Yeah,” he says. “I’m–I’ll be alright,” he amends. )
“Are you enjoying the story?” The On’e – Dinro – next to him asks, shaking him out of his thoughts.
Jim sets his drink down and smiles sheepishly. “Sorry, my mind’s been elsewhere tonight.”
Dinro raises an eyebrow and looks across the table to Bones’ empty seat. “Your CMO. He is not in attendance tonight.” It’s not a question as much as it is an observation.
“Yes,” he says, eyes flickering towards Bones’ empty seat. “He’s sick.”
Dinro, for her part, nods her head in understanding. “What ails him?”
“Just a bug, I think,” Jim says. “Nothing too serious.”
“Hm,” Dinro says, looking contemplative. “Well, please send him my regards.”
“Of course,” Jim says, nodding.
At the end of the table, the On’e leader continues her speech and Dinro’s face lights up. “Oh, this is my favorite part of the story, you must hear it.” She gestures for Jim to listen.
Jim, for his part, tries to tuck away his anxieties – at least for the moment – and turns to listen.
The second Jim gets back to the Enterprise he changes out of his dress clothes and heads to Bones’ room.
He knocks softly on his friend’s door and, to his surprise, Bones opens it. He doesn’t seem surprised to see Jim on the other side, though.
Bones shakes his head. “Remember when I said I was sick? Are you tryin’ to catch it too?” He moves aside, though, letting Jim into his quarters.
Jim enters, though he stops for a moment, taken aback by the sight of his friend’s room.
Bones is a fairly organized person; he keeps sickbay clean and organized down to the smallest things. His office is the same, everything has a place and god help the person who moves anything around. His quarters, however, are usually a bit more disorganized. Jim used to tease his friend that he lived in organized chaos–everything still had a place, but sometimes that place was on the floor or tossed onto a chair.
Bones’ quarters now, however, seemed more dissolved than usual. Notably, his desk was covered in various papers, filled with Bones’ nearly illegible handwriting.
Jim turns to look at his friend, eyebrows raised. “You look like you’ve been studying for an exam,” he says, gesturing towards the desk.
“Oh, that’s–ah–just doing some medical research,” Bones says, stepping back towards his table to shuffle the papers up.
“What’re you looking into?” Jim asks, following his friend over. His computer is still on, on his desk, and Jim leans down to peer at it. “You know, researching isn’t exactly a restful activity–”
Bones reaches over and jams a button, shutting his computer off before Jim can get a good look. “Again, who’s the doctor here?” he grumbles. “And it’s nothing that interesting.”
Jim blinks and straightens. He doesn’t reply, but instead takes a good look at the other man. While Jim doesn’t find medical research particularly interesting, he enjoys listening to Bones talk about his. That, and Bones usually will – when prompted by Jim – discuss whatever he’s researching at the moment.
Jim continues to look at his friend, who hasn’t noticed Jim’s sudden lapse into silence. In fact, Jim’s just now realizing that Bones hasn’t made eye contact with him since he entered the room, like he’s trying to avoid him. Bones continues to shuffle the various papers on his desk into a semi-neat pile, putting them in the corner farthest away from Jim.
“Is something wrong?” Jim asks. Bones finally snaps his head up, looking at him directly. “Besides being a little under the weather?”
“What–why do you ask?” he asks, frowning.
“Come on, Bones,” Jim says. “It’s me. I can tell. You’ve barely looked at me since I walked in here.”
As soon as the words leave his mouth, Bones seems to deflate. He sits himself down in his desk chair and leans his head into his hand, sighing.
“That’s cuz it’s easier to lie to you when I’m not looking at you,” he says.
Whatever he was expecting, that certainly wasn’t it.
“What do you mean?” Jim asks. “Lie about – are you actually even sick?”
Bones sighs again and lifts his head briefly. He reaches over and turns his computer back on and swings its screen towards Jim.
Jim looks between Bones and the computer, before tentatively leaning down to read the screen.
After a few moments, he lifts his head, even more confused.
“So, you were researching time travel theory?” Jim asks.
Bones leans his head against his hand again and reaches with his free hand to turn the computer back towards him. “Actually, I was looking into time loops,” he says, fiddling with the computer. “Did you know that there’s been one official recorded instance of a Starfleet official stuck in a time loop? David Anderson. He was stuck in one for six months,” Bones says, casually.
Jim shakes his head. “What does this have to do with–”
“Jim,” Bones cuts him off, still looking away from him. “I’ve lived this same day four times. And I’m about to do it again, for a fifth time.”
Jim freezes, letting his friend’s words wash over him. “What?” he asks again, because he can’t think of anything else to ask.
“I know, dammit. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.” Bones laughs hollowly, “I don’t know how Anderson did this for six months without going crazy–I thought I was losing my marbles the second time around.”
“You’ve been in a time loop for four days now?”
Bones finally looks at him again. He looks tired, Jim thinks. Maybe not physically, but mentally. Bones nods his head and grimaces.
Jim thinks – he doesn’t know what to think. But it makes sense and explains why Bones acted the way he did all day. Jim nods his head and exhales.
“Okay,” he says, sitting on Bones’ desk, near his friend.
Bones straightens up. “Okay?” he parrots back. “You believe me? Just like that?”
Jim’s a bit taken aback, but he shrugs. “Of course I do, Bones. Why would you lie about something like this?”
Relief seems to flood Bones’ body and Jim can see him relax a bit in his chair. Jim pats him on the shoulder, trying to smile reassuringly.
“Okay, so you’ve been stuck in this for four days?” Jim asks and Bones nods. “Right. Okay, so what plan did we come up with last time to break the loop?”
Jim feels Bones stiffen beneath his hand. He skirts his eyes away and brings a hand up to the back of his neck. “About that,” he says, before trailing off, not finishing his sentence.
A terrible thought occurs to Jim. “Did I not believe you last time?” he asks, a bit horrified.
Bones snaps his head back up and shakes it vigorously. “No, Jim, that's not – dammit. I didn’t tell you last time. Or any of the times.”
“What? Why not?” Jim asks, bewildered. “Bones, this is the first time you’ve said anything about it?”
“Well the first time I repeated the day, I thought it must’ve been a dream,” he says, crossing his arms, defensive. “Which, you agreed with me about. Not that you remember,” he mutters.
“Okay, and the next loop?” Jim asks.
The other man grimaces and coughs. “I may have had a day-long panic attack in my room,” he says. “I–Jim, don’t look at me like that. I haven’t been thinking straight, okay? I thought maybe I was going insane. And then when I finally figured out what was happening, I still wasn’t sure I knew what was going on. This whole thing has been disorienting, to say the least,” Bones finishes, voice sounding hoarse. “I’m still not fully convinced this isn’t all in my head.”
Jim sits for a moment, taking in his friend’s words and he’s hit with a wave of helplessness. He’s heard of time loops happening in theory, but never of them actually happening. He doesn’t have the slightest idea of how to fix it and the thought that Bones might be stuck in this loop for his foreseeable future – stuck in it alone – is mildly terrifying to him.
“Well,” Jim finally speaks. “Tell me everything you know. We can work through this together.”
Bones eyes Jim for a moment before nodding, reaching for his stack of papers. “Alright,” he says.
And he begins to speak. He tells Jim about day one, how they visited planet-side together, how they went to the same knick-knack store Jim visited by himself earlier in the day. He talks about the feast and how he chose to stay behind to talk further with the O’ne. Jim mostly lets him speak, only interrupting when he needs further clarification, but he stops his friend when he mentions something about a transporter malfunction.
“Wait, so the transporter malfunctioned?” Jim asks, raising his eyebrows.
Bones grimaces at the memory. “Only for a moment, but whatever it did, it made my head hurt like hell afterward. Scotty said something about a mild and sudden ion storm, but I hadn’t given it much thought until the previous loop.”
Jim nods, following his friend’s thinking. “Do you think this…. malfunction is what caused you to get stuck?”
Bones shrugs and nods. “As best I can tell,” he says. “I can’t think of anything else that could’ve caused it. My best bet, based on everything I’ve read about, is to recreate the exact circumstances of the first day and try to beam back up at the same time.”
Jim nods again. “Is that what that other guy did–David whatshisname?”
Bones makes a face. “David Anderson. And no, not… exactly,” he says. “But, some of these theories that I’ve read about all point to this being the solution, so,” Bones shrugs. “I need to recreate the moment that shifted me out of time. It seems like my best shot.”
“And you think this’ll work?” Jim asks, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice.
“I don’t really have any other options, Jim,” Bones says tiredly. “If it doesn’t work, well, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.”
“We,” Jim says, automatically.
“What?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when you get to it,” Jim repeats.
“Jim–”
“No, Bones,” Jim interrupts, shaking his head. “I may not be stuck in this with you, but you don’t have to do this alone. I’m here, okay? I want–” he stops, shaking his head. “Bones, I want to help. Promise me that you’ll tell me what’s going on in the next loop.”
“Jim…”
“Please,” he asks again. “Let me help.”
“Okay,” Bones sighs. “I promise,” he says tiredly. “This shit is exhausting enough to deal with by myself.”
“Good,” Jim says, the anxiety in his chest finally dying down. “Good. While we still have some time left, tell me about the other loops.”
And so Bones talks again and Jim desperately wishes he was stuck with Bones, living this day over and over. Everything Bones tells him, he’s going to forget in a few hours, but he pays attention anyway, trying to commit as much of it as possible to memory. Just in case.
He learns that the day resets at midnight, according to the Enterprise’s clock. Bones tells him that he tried to stay awake in the previous loop but that the day reset at midnight. Eventually, though, he’s covered as much as he can. The clock in his room reads 23:40.
“Well,” Jim says. “I guess I’ll see you soon.”
“Haha,” Bones deadpans.
Jim gets up to leave before he remembers. He reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a small, carved On’e flute that he found at the store earlier in the day.
“I guess it doesn’t matter now, because today is going to reset for you. But, I found this at the knick-knack store earlier today and thought Joanna might like it,” Jim says, handing it to Bones. “Maybe you can pick it up again tomorrow. Or when we know the loops have been broken.”
Bones carefully lifts the small instrument up and inspects it, before huffing out a laugh.
“What?” Jim asks and Bones shakes his head.
“This is the exact same one I picked out that first day–the original day,” he says, cracking the first real smile Jim’s seen on his face all day.
“Well, then we’ll have to be sure to find it again, next time around,” Jim says, smiling back.
“Yeah,” Bones says. “I–we will.”
Stardate 2261.0218
Jim’s morning does not start the way he expects. He had originally planned to meet up with Bones for breakfast and finish some reports early so he could have a bit of a break before the On’e feast.
Instead, just as he’s finished brushing his teeth, he hears a furious knocking at his door.
Fighting back a yawn, he opens his door only to find Bones on the other side, looking slightly panicked.
“Bones–?”
“Morning, Jim,” his friend says and brushes past him, into his quarters.
Jim lets his doors slide shut with a quiet swoosh and he stands for a moment, his brain still drowsy. Finally, he turns and sees Bones headed towards the bar-table in the far end of Jim’s quarters.
“Bones, what are you doing here so early–”
“I’m stuck in a time loop,” Bones says, cutting Jim off. He opens the cupboard near Jim’s table and makes a face at its lack of contents. “And before you ask, yes, you’ve been aware of this the past few loops. No, I haven’t figured out how to break it yet.” Bones pauses and opens another door in Jim’s cupboard and scowls. “What did you do with all your liquor?”
Jim blinks, his brain trying to process everything Bones just told him. He opens his mouth, then closes it, unsure of what to say. Finally, he decides to address the easiest part.
“It’s not even 8 in the morning, Bones. It’s a little early for a drink.”
Bones whips his head towards Jim and scowls, but reluctantly closes the cupboard. He rounds the table and throws himself in a seat. “You’d want a drink too, if you were me right now.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Jim says, easing himself into the chair next to Bones. “You want to start from the beginning?”
Bones runs a hand down his face and sighs. “You always say that,” he mutters, before he begins to talk.
Jim sits in silence afterwards, letting Bones’ words wash over him.
“So, you’ve retraced your day multiple times now, and nothing’s worked?”
Bones nods his head miserably and Jim winces internally, he understands why Bones was so eager to seek out alcohol.
“Okay,” Jim says again, running a hand through his hair. “Have we gone to Spock about this yet?”
Bones raises his head and looks at Jim, face resigned.
“A time loop, Doctor?”
“You sound like you don’t believe me,” Bones says, crossing his arms.
“That is not it,” Spock says. “Though it is highly unlikely, it is not impossible.”
“Yeah, well, we tend to get caught up in unlikely scenarios all the time,” Bones grumbles.
“Indeed,” Spock replies. “Please go over the details of the first day for me.”
It’s still early in the day and though Spock had planned on spending some of his free time in his lab today, he’d come down to Bones’ quarters at Jim’s urging.
Spock listens as Bones recounts almost exactly what he told Jim earlier, going into details about how his previous plans hadn’t helped break the loops. Finally, Bones finishes and Spock nods, thinking. There’s a beat of silence before he speaks.
“I believe, through a mindmeld, I may be able to ascertain the exact moment Dr. McCoy beamed aboard the ship.”
Both Jim and Bones sit up straighter. “You think you can do that?” Jim asks.
Spock inclines his head slightly. “I will give it my best efforts, Jim.”
Jim looks to Bones, raising his eyebrows. Bones nods his head, turning to Spock.
“Let’s do it. I’m not thrilled about the idea of you rooting around in my head–”
“A very barbaric and deliberate misunderstanding of a what a mindmeld is, Doctor–”
“Guys,” Jim cuts in, standing up. Both men stop and look at each other, before Bones nods again.
Spock leans in, placing his hands on Bones’ face. “My mind to your mind, my thought to your thoughts….”
They sit and the room goes quiet. However, it’s not long before Spock opens his eyes and leans back, retracting his hands. Bones follows suit, leaning back after a minute, a bit dazed. He blinks a few times before pulling a face.
“That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be,” he mutters and Spock straightens, clasping his hands behind his back.
“Indeed. The experience was–”
“If you say that was fascinating, I’m walking out. This loop be damned.”
Spock’s left eyebrow quirks ever so slightly in what looks like soft amusement. “No. But the situation certainly is…interesting. Also, unsettling.”
“You’re tellin’ me,” Bones says weakly.
Spock nods his head slightly in agreement before turning to face both Jim and Bones. “I believe I can tell you the exact time and location the Doctor was in when he was beamed up on his first night.”
Jim straightens up with a start. “Really?” he asks. “That’s great, Spock!”
“I will beam aboard beforehand and help Mr. Scott to ensure that Dr. McCoy is beamed aboard at the correct time.”
Jim can’t help but let a smile take over his face at the news. He turns to Bones, who’s still looking at Spock.
“Do you really think this will work?” He asks Spock carefully.
“It is hard to calculate the exact percentage of our success–”
“Good god man, I’m not asking for statistics. I’m asking for your opinion,” Bones cuts him off.
Spock pauses and looks considering. “I believe this option is most likely to prove successful, Doctor.”
Something in Bones seems to finally snap and he relaxes for the first time that day. He shakes his head and huffs, though he’s finally smiling. “That’s as good as an endorsement I’ll ever get out of you.”
They continue to discuss their new plan. Bones will keep his communicator line open after the dinner and wait for Spock’s signal and direction to assure everything lines up as well as it can.
During dinner, Jim struggles to pay attention to their host and the On’e around him. He sneaks several glances at Bones, who seems to be counting down the moments until he’s beamed aboard again.
“You seem quite preoccupied with your CMO tonight,” the O’ne – Dinro – tells Jim about half-way through the meal.
Jim starts, not thinking he’d been that obvious. “Ah, well. He’s been under the weather recently. Nothing contagious–” he quickly adds but Dinro simply chuckles and nods her head.
She swiftly changes the conversation, asking about Earth literature. Jim tries to be active in the conversation, but his heart isn’t really in it. Not tonight.
Finally, the meal ends and they beam aboard. Jim decides to wait around in the transporter room, while Spock and Scotty get coordinates ready for Bones.
After about thirty minutes, they get ready and beam Bones aboard. Jim listens to the familiar whirl-hum of the transporter and watches as Bones slowly appears. First as a bright image of light, then just as himself.
Bones stands for a moment.
“Well?” Jim asks, approaching him.
“Well, what?” Bones asks, finally walking down from the transporter.
“Do you feel – I dunno – any different?”
Bones shakes his head. His eyebrows are drawn and Jim can sense the unease from his friend.
“Hey–don’t worry about it, Bones. Spock said he’s sure he was able to get your coordinates and timing just right.”
Spock, moving away from the console nods his head in agreement. “This is, as you would say, your ‘best bet.’”
Bones snaps his head towards Spock and a startled laugh bubbles out of him. “Christ, I must look downright miserable right now for Spock to be using human terms.”
“I will remind you, Doctor, that I am half-human,” Spock says, but there’s a flash of amusement in his eyes.
“Right, right,” Bones says, bouncing on the heels of his feet. Then, he looks over at Spock, seriously. “But really, Spock, thank you. I hope this works.”
“As do I.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“Why the long face, Bones?” Jim asks as he sets his breakfast down across from his friend. He winces as he watches Bones stab his eggs with malice.
“It still hasn’t worked,” he mutters, shoving the food into his mouth.
“What didn’t work?” Jim asks. Mentally, he goes back through his mind, wondering if Bones had any ongoing experiments or research.
Bones swallows and opens his mouth, but he pauses and closes his mouth. He shakes his head. “You know what? Don’t worry about it. It’s nothin’ interesting. Say,” he continues before Jim can cut in, “I know you wanted to go explore the city but I heard that the beach just west of it is real nice. We’d have enough time to go see it before the feast tonight.”
Jim makes a face. “I thought you hated the beach,” he says, reaching for a pad of butter for his pancakes.
“I never said I hated the beach,” Bones replies, quick.
“What—yes you did,” Jim fires back. “Our second year at the Academy?”
“I was complaining about the sand, not the beach itself,” Bones says, rolling his eyes.
Jim can’t help it – he starts laughing. “That’s most of the beach itself!” he says, shaking his head. He reaches to take a bite of his food.
“Regardless, I thought it might be nice. I haven’t gone to the beach since, well, since our second year at the Academy. I wasn’t necessarily suggesting we go swimming.” Jim opens his mouth to reply but he gets cut off. “Good god Jim, how many times do I have to tell you to chew before you speak?”
Jim shakes his head and smiles, swallowing his food. “I was going to say, that sounds nice, Bones. Let’s do it.”
Later, after all his paperwork is done, Jim heads down planet-side with Bones. He’s still mildly surprised Bones suggested going to the beach. But then again, Bones isn’t always the most sociable; maybe he didn’t want to deal with the hustle and bustle of a city right before a night of diplomatic work.
Either way, Jim is excited. It’s been a while since he’s been to a beach too, and it’s been even longer since he’s been able to go somewhere with just Bones.
When they arrive planet-side, it’s sunny and warm, but the cool breeze coming off the water helps keep temperatures comfortable. They make idle chit-chat, but Bones seems distracted. Jim considers pressing the issue, but decides against it for now. Even with his friend’s anxiety, they’re having a nice time.
Eventually they fall into comfortable silence and walk down the beach. It’s mostly empty, though there is the occasional On’e or On’e family here and there. As they continue to walk, Bones turns his attention towards the water. On’e has two suns; one hangs above them while the other hangs above the water, shining on the waves.
“You look like you’re thinking about something,” Jim says, eventually.
Bones turns his attention back to Jim, amusement on his face. “That’s because I am,” he says dryly.
“Don’t hurt yourself,” Jim teases.
Bones gives him a soft shove, but fights a smile as he does it. “Ass,” he says.
“Ah, but you love me,” Jim replies, wrapping his arm around Bones.
“Lord knows why,” he says, but he doesn’t push Jim off of him and there’s no heat behind the words.
They stop walking for a moment and face the shore, still interlinked. Jim glaces towards Bones and is overwhelmed with the urge to close the gap between them and kiss him.
“I need to tell you something,” Bones says suddenly, breaking Jim’s trance.
Jim pulls back, untangling himself from his friend. “What is it?”
Bones pulls into himself. He shoves his hands into his pockets and continues to look out towards the horizon, squinting his eyes. He stays quiet for a while.
“Listen, Bones, whatever it is, you can tell me,” Jim says.
“I know that,” Bones huffs. “It’s just – I’m tryin’ to find the right words.”
Something uneasy begins to unfold in Jim’s chest. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, just that there is something wrong.
“Look, why don’t you tell me after the feast, yeah?” He prompts. Bones turns to him, startled, and Jim continues. “I won’t let you chicken out, don’t worry. But it doesn’t have to be now. Whatever it is, can it wait a few hours?”
Bones breathes out a sigh of relief. “Yeah. Yeah, it can wait, Jim.”
The feast is a nice affair, if a bit long. Jim makes quick work of befriending the On’e to his right, Dinro. She seems to see that Jim is a bit distracted, though she never calls him on it.
Under the table, Jim’s leg bounces through the entire dinner. He almost regrets giving Bones an out of their earlier conversation. Whatever Bones wanted to say, he’s not sure if it’s going to be necessarily good.
Jim shakes his head. He’s probably overthinking everything. He downs the rest of his drink and attempts to make conversation until the evening is over.
By the time Jim gets to Bones’ room at the end of the night, Bones has already changed and has a drink poured for both of them. He gestures for Jim to sit.
“I’ve been stuck in a time loop,” Bones says and knocks his drink back easily. He levels Jim with a stare as he waits for the other man to process those words.
Jim opens his mouth to speak, but Bones cuts him off. “Yes, I’ve been stuck for a while now. Yes, you always know. And whatever plan you’re thinking of, yes, we’ve tried.”
Jim blinks. “That’s unnerving.”
Bones snorts and pours himself another drink.
“So this is what you were trying to tell me earlier,” Jim says and reaches for his own drink. Out of the side of his eye, Jim sees Bones pause mid sip. After a moment, he continues with his drink and swallows.
“Yeah,” the other man says, swirling his cup around.
“Why wait so long to say anything? We could’ve brainstormed again, or–”
“We’ve already talked with Spock,” Bones cuts him off, again. “And we can do that again next time. It’s just–” Bones sighs. “I’ve been stuck in this for some time now and I needed a break. I needed a day where I wasn’t stressed about this fucked up situation. It just wanted a day that was…”
“Nice?” Jim supplies.
Bones smiles ruefully. “Yeah. I just wanted one nice day. Where I could pretend that everything’s alright.”
Jim nods, understanding. He’s still spinning from the discovery that Bones has been stuck in this day for–god knows how long now. He doesn’t blame him one bit.
“Well? Was it nice?”
Bones smiles again. It’s small and strained, but it’s there nonetheless. “Yes, Jim. Thank you.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“We’ve already tried that – multiple times. I don’t need you to root around in my head again just to come to the same conclusions. I’m telling you, you and I have walked through that first day so many times that I could recite to you what happened.”
Bones slumps back in his seat across from Spock. Jim looks between the two, waiting for one to speak.
“If you insist that this path forward will not yield success–”
“I do,” Bones snaps.
Spock casts him a look before continuing. “Then I may have another suggestion. Perhaps you, Doctor, need to change your approach to this day.”
Jim furrows his eyebrows and leans forward. “What do you mean?”
Spock swivels his chair to face Jim. “Thus far, Doctor McCoy has worked either with you or the both of us in an attempt to break his loop. Perhaps he needs to try more variables.”
“Are you suggesting I try working with someone else?” Bones asks.
Spock nods. “You have not found a solution while working with the Captain nor I, as such–”
“Now hold on,” Jim interrupts. “I don’t know if I think this is the best way to approach this. You’re saying Bones shouldn’t come to either of us next time around?”
“As I have already stated, Doctor McCoy has not been able to find a solution working with us–”
“So that means we should just give up and let him figure it out on his own?”
“That is not–”
“Now hold on a damn minute,” Bones interrupts them and they both fall quiet. “It doesn’t matter what either of you think because this is happening to me. I get to decide what to do next.”
Jim exchanges a look with Spock.
“That being said,” Bones says, sitting back in his chair. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I think Spock is right. I haven’t tried to figure this out on my own, not really. Maybe there’s something I’m missing when I work with you guys.”
Jim sits back in his seat as well, a feeling of wrongness pooling in his stomach. He crosses his arms. “I don’t like the thought of not being able to help you next time around,” he says. Then Jim sits up, snapping his fingers. “What about that David Anderson guy? Didn’t you say he broke his loops? How’d he do it?”
Bones and Spock exchange looks, then they turn back towards Jim. Bones clears his throat. “He, uh–he died, Jim.”
Realization breaks over Jim like ice. “Oh,” he says, sitting back in his chair.
“Yeah,” Bones snorts.
“Then, I guess Spock’s plan is as good as any,” Jim says. “Even if I don’t like the thought of you working on this alone, I guess it’s up to you.”
“Glad to have your full support,” Bones says, sarcastically. “Listen, if it doesn’t work after a few loops, I promise to come tell you. Both of you. But realistically, I should try other options. There might be something we’re missing.”
Jim sighs. “Alright.”
Stardate 2261.0218
Jim has spent the last twenty minutes trying to finish his paperwork for the day and failing.
Something is up with Bones, but Jim just doesn’t know what. He’d acted odd and distant at breakfast and then suddenly canceled on their plans to go down to visit On’e.
Jim sighs and tries to read over his remaining reports–this one is an account of their last away mission and he just needs to sign off on it. But after five minutes, Jim decides it’s a lost cause after he’s reread the same paragraph three times and still hasn’t absorbed it.
He stands up and stretches – he has a destination in mind.
“McCoy isn’t here,” M’Benga tells him when Jim arrives down in Medbay.
“I thought he had to finish up today’s physicals?” Jim asks.
“I offered to finish them for him,” M’Benga says, grabbing a PADD from his desk, glancing at it. “He did the bulk of them anyway. But he could use the day off if I’m being honest, he seemed tired.”
“Do you know where he might’ve gone?” Jim asks.
M’Benga shrugs. “He mentioned maybe heading down to the planet before the feast, but I’m not sure. Sorry, Captain.”
Jim tries to comm Bones, but he doesn’t answer. He checks the records and sees that Bones did in fact beam down to the planet, alone.
It’s just odd.
Jim comms the transporter room.
“Captain to transporter room.”
“Lieutenant Mitchell, here.”
“Ensign, please tell Doctor McCoy I’d like to see him in my quarters once he beams aboard again,” Jim says.
“Sure thing, Captain.”
“Thank you. Kirk out,” Jim says and the line goes dead. He sighs and looks at the reports still sitting on his desk.
“Rand’ll have my neck if I don’t finish these today,” Jim says to himself and resigns himself to his paperwork once more while he waits.
Jim’s finishing up his last report when his door chimes.
“Come in!” he calls as he adds his signature. He sets down his PADD in time to see Bones enter his room.
“You wanted to see me?” he says.
“Yeah,” Jim says, moving to stand up. He frowns slightly, noticing that Bones hasn’t entered his room any farther than he needs–choosing instead to linger near the door. “Bones, what’s wrong?”
Jim knows instantly he’s messed up by starting with that question. Bones crosses his arms and huffs. “Nothing’s the matter, Jim. Is that all? Can I go?”
“No,” Jim says and Bones scowls. “If you want me to believe nothing’s wrong, you’re going to have to do better than that.”
“I don’t know what gave you the idea that there’s some issue going on but I’m fine.”
“What gave me the idea–? Bones, you’ve been avoiding me all day,” Jim says.
“Maybe I’m just sick of ya,” Bones says, sarcasm in his voice. “Christ Jim, I wanted a day to myself, is that a crime?”
Jim suddenly feels at a loss; he can’t remember the last time Bones was genuinely angry enough with him to avoid him. He racks his brain quickly, trying to think of what he could’ve done.
“Well, no,” Jim says, still going over the events of the last week in his head.
“Then am I free to go, Captain?” Bones asks.
The use of his title causes Jim to solidify the fact that he’s definitely fucked up, somehow. He swallows. “You’re dismissed.”
Bones nods once before swiftly turning and exiting the room. Jim suddenly feels very, very alone.
Jim gives Bones space the rest of the day and avoids talking with him while he and the others wait to be transported down to the feast. His mood must be noticeable, however, because after they’ve all been beamed down just outside of the Capitol building, Chapel nudges him discreetly.
“Are you alright?” she asks, quietly.
“I’m fine,” he quickly assures her, but he pauses. “Hey, is Bones mad at me for some reason?”
Chapel’s eyebrows shoot up at Jim’s question. She shakes her head. “Not that I know of,” she says. “Usually when he’s angry with you, the whole ship knows about it.”
“I know,” Jim says, laughing despite himself. “But he’s been avoiding me all day. I don’t know what I did.”
“Maybe he’s just in a mood,” Chapel says, glancing towards Bones, who’s talking with M’Benga. “Sometimes he really is just a cranky bastard.”
“Yeah,” Jim says, trailing off. He knows Chapel’s trying to cheer him up, but he’s still worried.
“Hey,” Chapel says, nudging him again. “I’ll talk to him after the feast. See what’s up.”
“Thanks,” Jim says.
The feast passes without event. Towards the end, as people begin to get up and mingle or leave, Jim looks around and realizes he’s lost track of Bones. He looks around again and realizes Chapel is also gone.
He shakes his head and makes his way over towards Spock and Uhura, who are discussing On’e linguistics with other On’e. The conversation is interesting, and Uhura clearly has their hosts captivated; Jim hangs back, listening intently. A little ways into the conversation, Jim feels a tap on his shoulder and he politely excuses himself when he sees who it is.
“Nurse?” Jim asks once he’s excused himself. Chapel doesn’t say anything, just grabs his arm and leads him away from the dwindling crowd.
“Where are you taking me, Christine?” Jim asks as they round a corner of the building the feast was held outside of.
“Where do you think?” Chapel replies as they turn and Bones comes into view. Chapel nudges Jim towards the other man and she claps her hands. “Now, I’ll leave you two alone so you can sort this out like adults.” Then, she turns and walks away, leaving them alone.
Jim turns to his friend. “Bones?” he asks tentatively.
“Come on,” Bones says. “Let’s take a walk. It’s a long story.”
“Wow,” Jim says when Bones is finished. “That’s–wow. So you’ve been trying to solve this all by yourself?”
“Don’t make it sound like that,” Bones says, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been working with others too, but it makes sense for me to try and break this by myself, given that it hasn’t worked the other way so far.”
“So that’s why you were avoiding me all morning,” Jim says. “I thought I did something to piss you off.”
“Well,” Bone says and shakes his head. “Even when I try to work around you, you always realize something’s wrong. And you don’t stop pestering me about it.”
“Oh,” Jim says. “Sorry?”
“You don’t sound all that sorry,” Bones says.
“Well, I don’t exactly remember all those other times–”
“Yeah, yeah.” Bones waves his hand, brushing him off. “Regardless, it’s been – the last loops have been difficult, so I’m not surprised you seem to always know something’s up.”
“How do you mean?” Jim asks, eyebrows furrowing. The two of them have walked the grounds of the On’e capitol building, and are now headed back towards the front, where the feast was held. It’s become darker out, but torches around the building light up the grounds for them. As Jim waits for an answer, he watches as the flickering light causes shadows to dance on Bones’ face.
“Most people aren’t as easy to convince as you are,” Bones says, with a sigh. “And Spock can do that Vulcan mind magic–”
“Bones.”
“You know what I mean,” he says, smiling. “But when I tell my medical staff that I’m stuck in a time loop, they usually want to examine me afterwards.”
“Well, we do have a great medical staff,” Jim points out, but something in him aches at the thought of Bones having to constantly try to convince others of his predicament.
Bones pulls an exasperated face. “Don’t I know it. If it was any other situation, I’d be on their side. Hell, the second and third loops, I ran every test I could think of on myself.”
“That sounds about right for you,” Jim says.
“Yeah,” Bones says, huffing good naturedly. “It’s just that these last loops have been hard. Most people need a little more convincing before they believe me. Not everyone is as trusting as Jim Kirk.”
Bones sighs and slumps, running a hand through his hair. Jim considers his friend’s words silently; it’s not necessarily that he’s more trusting than most – he really isn’t – and Bones knows this. It’s just – it’s Bones. Of course Jim believes him, how could he not?
Jim moves next to Bones and throws an arm over his shoulder, causing Bones to look over at him. He looks worn out. There’s a tightness in his shoulders that Jim hasn’t seen since their early days at the Academy. Jim’s suddenly hit with the realization of how lonely this must be for Bones. Sure, he can talk to Jim each time, but he doesn’t ever remember. It must be maddening. Isolating.
“I wish there was more I could do to help,” Jim says.
Bones snorts. “You could stop interfering each time. I swear, you’re like a goddamn bloodhound. No matter what I do, you always figure out something is up.”
Jim runs a hand down his face and chuckles, briefly amused. “Just goes to show you, you’re stuck with me no matter what.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Bones says, but there’s a fondness in his voice that makes Jim’s chest feel tight.
It’s quiet for a moment, but Jim is still stuck on his previous thought. He chews on his lip for a beat before speaking. “I meant it though. I wish there was more for me to do. Or – I wish I could do this with you.”
Bones stiffens and Jim carefully retracts his arm. “No, you really don’t,” he mutters.
“Bones–”
“Fine,” Bones says, amending. “I’m glad it’s just me stuck in this godforsaken time loop. It’s probably the one saving grace of this situation, that it’s just me.”
Of course, of course Bones would think that. Jim shakes his head. “I mean it, Bones. This must – I bet it feels lonely.”
Bones looks at him, thinking. “Yeah, well. It does help, having you here each time. You help, whether you remember the loops or not. So don’t go getting all bent out of shape thinking you’ve been useless. Because you haven’t.”
It’s not ideal, but Bones’ words put Jim a bit more at ease.
“Good,” he breathes out. “That’s – good.” Then: “Wait – I think I have an idea for your next loops,” Jim says, straightening up.
“What is it?”
“Well, you said even when you explain that you need to do this on your own, I still tend to interfere,” Jim says.
Bones furrows his eyebrows. “Yeah?”
“I think I know what you should do to distract me next time.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“Spock! It’s – wow, it’s early,” Jim says, suppressing a yawn. “What’s up?”
“Jim,” Spock says, nodding. It’s 06:00 – Jim had planned on sleeping in today before meeting up with Bones for breakfast, but Spock had woken him early, appearing outside his door. “I–” and Jim watches, perplexed, as Spock stumbles over his words. “I was wondering if you’d accompany me down to the planet-side today.”
Now Jim’s wide awake. “Didn’t you and Uhura have plans today?”
“Our plans have changed,” Spock says, stiffly.
Huh.
Jim feels another yawn coming and gives into it. “In that case, I suppose you, Bones, and I can all go down together–”
“The Doctor will not be accompanying us,” Spock says.
“Why not?”
“He–Leonard expressed to me last night that he was feeling…unwell,” Spock says.
“What?” Jim asks. “He seemed fine last night.” He wonders briefly when Bones and Spock spoke the night before.
“He seemed quite unwell,” Spock repeats and he clasps his hands behind his back.
“Well, let me comm him and–”
“Jim,” Spock cuts him off. “It would be…illogical to wake him, if he is unwell. His rest is vital to his recovery.”
Jim, who’s hand is already moving towards his comm, pauses. As much as he wants to check in, Spock’s probably right. He sighs.
“Okay, Spock. You’re right. Just us then?” he asks and Spock nods. “Right. Well, I’m going to try and get a little more shut-eye and then finish up some reports. We can go at 14:00, sounds good?”
“I will see you then, Jim,” Spock nods.
Stardate 2261.0218
“So, none of the other scenarios have worked?”
“Does it look like it?” Bones grumbles. He shakes his head. “I’ve done loops by myself. I’ve done loops with you two and I’ve done multiple loops with just about anyone you can think of. It’s never worked.”
“Perhaps there are still scenarios you have yet to–”
“Spock, trust me. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so many different variables. I’ve worked with you, I’ve worked with Jim, I’ve worked with M’Benga and Chapel, I’ve worked with Uhura, hell, I’ve even worked with Keesner a few times.”
“How’d that one go?”
Bones grimaces. “I ended up stuck in a Jefferies tube.”
Jim doesn’t know whether to laugh or wince at that mental image.
“Anyhow,” Bones continues, obviously not wanting to linger on that memory. “I’m almost all out of scenarios I can test. I really don’t think there’s a ‘right’ scenario that will snap me out of this.”
“Be that as it may, you still have not exhausted all possibilities,” Spock says. “You have gone over many of your loops but have not mentioned visiting various places upon the planet’s surface.”
“No, I haven’t,” Bones sighs.
“Perhaps the key to what has you stuck can be found planet side,” Spock suggests.
“I’ve been down to that Capitol city more times than I can count. I could probably draw you a map of it,” Bones says, drawing a hand down his face.
“Maybe the answer isn’t in the city,” Jim says. “Maybe we need to take you somewhere else.”
“I didn’t go anywhere other than the city that first day, though,” Bones points out.
“Well, do you have any other ideas?” Jim asks. “I’m serious. We’re in uncharted territory here, Bones. We don’t know why or what got you stuck. Which means we also don’t know what will snap you out of it.”
Bones slumps in his chair, but nods. “I guess you’re right,” he says. “I know a group of officers spend their day at those ruins, north of the city. I don’t think they’ve left yet, we could try that.”
“Sounds like a good start,” Jim says, standing up. . “At the very least, we’ll learn more about the On’e civilization and their origins. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Stardate 2261.0218
Jim blinks awake – it’s early.
“Computer, lights fifty percent,” he says, sitting up with a groan. He blinks once again, before he hears the whistle of a comm. Shaking his head, he gets up and heads to his computer. Jim jabs the button and shamelessly yawns through his greeting. “Kirk here.”
The screen comes to life and Jim squints at his screen. “Bones! What’s up – wait, are you alright? You look–” shaken, Jim’s mind supplies. Bones looks pale and like he might be trembling. “–worse for wear.”
“Yeah, you could say that,” Bones says and then laughs, but the sound lacks humor and makes Jim’s skin crawl. “Listen Jim, I–” he stops and rubs his forehead. “I think I need a day. I’m not – damn,” he says. “I’m not feeling well. I don’t think I can come to that dinner tonight.”
He’s lying, or at least not telling the whole truth. But it’s been a long time since he’s seen his friend so rattled. “Bones, you know how important this feast is to the On’e–”
“Jim,” he cuts him off. “Jim, please. I–I really need this.” This whole time Bones has refused to look directly at the screen, choosing instead to look off at something in his room.
“Okay,” he says. “Take the day off. I’ll tell the On’e you’re sick.”
Bones finally turns to look back at the computer. “Thank you, Jim.”
“Of course,” he says. “Take care of yourself, yeah?”
The day passes slowly for Jim. He goes down planet-side to visit the capital city, but it’s almost lonely, walking the streets by himself. By the time the feast rolls around, he’s all but fidgeting in his seat, itching to get back to the ship, back to his friend.
Jim had given Bones his space for the day, but he still wants to check on him before the night was over. His friend’s pale expression keeps flashing through his head. Jim hasn’t seen that expression since—well. It’s been a while.
When the feast finally wraps up, Jim all but rushes over to the beam up spot. Once aboard, he heads straight for Bones’ quarters, still in his dress clothes. When he finally reaches his destination, his hand is hovering over the comm button – not yet pressed – when the doors fly open.
“Enter,” he hears Bones call and so he shoves away his surprise and walks into the room.
Bones is seated on his bed, leaning against a wall. Off to the side of him sits an opened box–a box that Jim knows holds all the letters Joanna has sent her dad over the years. Jim notices that Bones doesn’t bother to look at him when he approaches.
“Hey,” Jim says. “Am I that predictable that I don’t need to knock?”
Bones snorts, but there’s not much expression or emotion in it.
“Can I sit?” Jim asks. Bones doesn’t answer, but he moves over, making room. It’s enough for Jim. “So,” he says, easing himself down. “Wanna talk about it?”
“No,” he says and Jim laughs a little.
“Right, okay. New question. Can we talk about it?”
Bones finally tilts his head to look at him. “It’s a long story.”
“Bones, we have all the time in the world. And,” Jim says, leaning back. “You have my undivided attention.”
They sit for a moment longer before Bones begins to speak. What he says is not what Jim’s expecting, but he believes him immediately. He sits and listens as Bones talks about the various loops he’s lived, how he’s tried just about everything under the sun and more in an attempt to break out of it. He talks and Jim listens and Bones thinks of an answer to every question Jim has before he has the chance to ask it.
Almost every question.
Jim waits patiently for Bones to finish before he asks.
“So, what happened last time?” He poses the question lightly. “I mean, I assume something happened last time specifically.”
Bones closes his eyes. “I don’t – can’t – talk about that. Not right now. Could you just – could you just stay?”
“You don’t even need to ask,” Jim says, moving to settle in.
“Go get changed first,” Bones tells him. “You’re still dressed in that stuffy uniform.”
“What, you don’t think I can sleep in this?” Jim says, teasing.
“Oh, you could sleep in those environmental suits if you put your mind to it,” Bones replies. Jim smiles, hearing the faint amusement in Bones’ voice. “But I don’t want to lay next to you in the damn costume. I’m sure there’s enough sweat in it as is.”
“Okay, give me fifteen, yeah?” Jim says, standing. “I’ll change, but only for you, Bones.”
Bones rolls his eyes. “Go change then, you ass.”
After Jim comes back, he all but forces Bones to watch a movie with him.
“It’ll be just like our day at the Academy,” Jim says, trying to load a film up. “Except, we won’t have exams hanging over our heads.”
“Yeah, just an unfixable time loop,” Bones says dryly, but he moves over to see what Jim is typing. He makes a face. “Don’t tell me you’re going to make me watch another old cheesy Earth film?”
“You love them!” Jim says, finally finding a film he likes. “You always complain, but I know you like them.”
Bones rolls his eyes, but sits himself on his couch anyway. Jim sits next to him, happy that Bones is complying. Whatever did happen to him on his last time round, it seemed to shake his friend to his core. Most of Jim is screaming to go over every detail of Bones’ situation, to try and figure out a solution. But Bones seems like he needs a break.
The film is cheesy, but Jim finds his eyes drooping half way through. Eventually, he falls asleep and is only awoken once the film ends, and the noise stops. The lights are off – Bones must’ve turned them off without Jim noticing.
His head is resting against Bones’ shoulder and although he can’t see the other man, his friend’s steady breathing seems to indicate he’s asleep.
Jim’s about to drift back off when Bones speaks, breaking the silence built around them.
“There’s something I should tell you,” he says, very quietly.
Jim blinks back awake, sleepily. “What was that, Bones?”
The room is quiet again. Bones doesn’t answer and Jim begins to think that maybe he was just mumbling in his sleep – something he did when stressed. He closes his eyes, letting sleep rush over him again.
“Spock had a theory he shared with me, a few loops back.”
Or maybe not.
“Oh yeah?” Jim keeps his head down, but he’s listening.
“It wasn’t – it’s not really scientifically based. He said maybe, to break the loops, I need to set something right. Or, confront something I’ve been avoiding.”
“Spock suggested this?”
“I know,” Bones snorts. “I told him I wasn’t living in a goddamn fairytale.”
“What’d he say to that?” Jim asks, curious.
“He said that even fairytales are based in truth.”
“Do you think he might be right?” Jim asks. Regardless of what Bones seems to think, Spock never made baseless theories. If Spock thought it was something worth pursuing he had a reason to.
“No,” Bones says, and he sounds certain. “I don’t think that’s going to solve whatever is keeping me in this loop.”
“I mean, what’s the harm in trying?” Jim asks, finally lifting his head up. “Is there some big secret you need to get off your chest?”
It’s quiet in the dark. Jim had asked mostly to tease Bones – but the prolonged silence that engulfs them puts Jim on edge. In the quiet, Jim can hear Bones take a deep breath.
“After you died, I almost lost my medical license.”
Jim pushes himself all the way up and tries to look at Bones in the dark.
“Computer, lights 30 percent,” Jim commands. When the lights turn on, Bones is looking just past his shoulder. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s exactly like I said,” Bones replies. “I almost lost my medical license. It was actually suspended for a moment, in the chaos after.”
Jim sits, stunned for a moment. He wants to reach down and shake the other man. He wants Bones to look him in the eye. “What–where–” he struggles to find the right words. “Why didn’t I know about this? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Besides myself, Spock, M’Benga, Uhura, and Christine were the only ones who knew,” Bones shrugs. “Spock, because he was acting Captain, M’Benga because he became acting CMO and I told Christine and Uhura. Most people assumed I was put on break because of the stress of the situation, and Spock let people keep those assumptions.”
“How long?” Jim asks.
“Not long,” Bones says wearily. “It wasn’t for long. Spock convinced them to end my suspension, but I still had a formal investigation. Honestly – I almost,” Bones stops and sighs. “I really thought I was going to lose it all, Jim.”
Bones doesn’t say anything more and Jim doesn’t know what to say. He works his jaw for a moment, caught between anger – anger at not knowing about this – about being kept in the dark – and fear. The fear of almost losing Bones, of Bones almost losing his livelihood – the career he’s built his life around – because of him.
“You didn’t answer my other question,” Jim says finally.
“Jim–”
“No, Bones,” Jim says. “Look at me. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Bones turns his head to look at Jim and for a moment, that’s all they do. Bones’ expression is almost pained but also resigned. He keeps his eyes locked on Jim’s the entire time he speaks.
“I didn’t tell you because you had just fucking died! You–my god, you died, remember? Sometimes I don’t,” he stops, exhaling. “Sometimes I don’t think you realize that. Not fully. You needed time to recover, anyway. You were dealing with your own political mess on top of all that. You didn’t need my shit added to the pile.”
How did he not know about this? How did he not notice anything amiss? Why didn’t he tell him sooner? Why did he risk so much for Jim?
Why did Bones always risk so much for him?
His emotions must catalog on his face, because Bones’ expression shifts and he begins to sit up as well, to face Jim eye to eye.
“Hey, none of that now,” he says. “Listen, don’t–don’t beat yourself up over this. Good god, that’s the last thing I want. Besides, I knew the risks before I tried to revive you. Losing my license was one of the better case scenarios I had in my head.”
This does not make Jim feel better. “Why did you do it, then?” he asks.
Bones’ face goes through several emotions, too quickly for Jim to follow. “Don’t ask me that, Jim,” he says quietly.
“Why did you do it?” Jim asks again anyway, because he needs to know.
The other man shakes his head. “There was a chance–a small chance to get you back. So I took it. I broke the highest oath in my profession, I played god and I brought you back. And my god, I don’t regret it. I’d do it again. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, I would.”
He sounds so earnest and honest, it knocks the wind out of Jim. It’s his turn to look away. Jim once again wonders what he’s done to deserve someone like Bones in his life.
When he can finally find his words again he asks another question. “Why tell me now? I thought you said you didn’t think Spock’s theory would work?”
“I still don’t think it will,” Bones says quickly and sighs. “Honestly? Because I’m still a coward. Tomorrow, you won’t probably won’t remember this. I’ve wanted to tell you – I’ve been meaning to tell you. Spock has been trying to get me to fess up for months now.” He sighs again and runs a hand over his face. “This was a way for me to test the waters, I guess.”
“Bones…”
“You know, the first time this day repeated, I thought I must’ve just had a weird dream. The third time, I sat in my room trying to convince myself it was all just a bad dream.”
Bones laughs bitterly and Jim has to resist the urge to wince at the barbed sound. It’s sharp and tired and Jim wants nothing more than to drag them back down into bed so Bones can sleep away this harshness.
“After you died, I also had nightmares for a while. I was stuck in that stupid fucking room, repeating the moment when they revealed you – your body to me.” He sighs and leans backwards, resting his head and looking up at the ceiling. “Except this isn’t a dream, I’m wide awake.”
“And I’m still alive,” Jim says. He grabs Bones’ hand, squeezing it. Bones blinks his eyes a few times and nods his head. “Hey,” Jim says. “Look at me. I’m still alive, I’m right next to you. Here—” and he drags the hand he’s holding and places it over his chest, near his heart.
It’s beating too fast, something Bones will almost certainly notice, but it’s steady. Bones keeps his hand there, warm and also steady.
“We’ll find a way out of this. Both of us. Together.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“Jim, you said we’d find a way out of this, together, but nothing’s worked. I’m getting desperate.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“So you’ve been stuck in this for–how long?” Jim asks.
“Too long,” Bones says, shaking his head. He puts his head down into his hands. “And nothing’s worked so far. I’d bet good money I’ve tried every idea you can think of in the remaining two hours I have left before the day restarts.”
Jim studies the slump in his friend’s shoulders. To outsiders, Bones seems like a classic pessimist, but Jim knows better. His friend, at his core, is a hopeful man–or at least he tries to be. Jim knows Bones; he doesn’t give up on people, he doesn’t go down without a fight. Sure, he’s realistic, but he rarely gives up on hope completely.
But the man sitting in front of him seems hopeless, which scares Jim. Bones had said he’d been in this loop too long and Jim suspects there’s more truth to that statement than he would like. Jim hates everything about this situation, but more than anything, he hates seeing Bones like this.
It’s disorienting. It’s terrifying.
“Well,” Jim says, taking a deep breath. “Even if I can’t think of anything new in the next two hours, we’ll figure this out. Maybe not this time, or the time after, but we will break you out of this loop.” Jim walks over and places a hand on Bones’ shoulder. “Just – just don’t give up, Bones. We can go to Spock or Starfleet even – we’ll try everything. I promise you, there’s a solution.”
Bones gingerly lifts his head and Jim wonders just how many pep talks he’s had to listen to – probably far too many. Nonetheless, there’s something sparking in his friend’s eyes.
“Well,” Jim says, trying a smile. “What do you think?”
“I think,” Bones says carefully, quietly. “I think that I’m in love with you.”
Everything freezes. Bones keeps talking anyway.
“I know I’m in love with you. And I’ve loved you since our second year at the Academy – hell, maybe even before that. I’ve loved you for years and I never told you. But I’m – I’m telling you now.”
Jim sucks in a breath. “Bones–”
“And, listen, you don’t have to say anything–” Bones is cut off as Jim surges up to kiss him. Bones freezes for a moment, before he reaches out, pulling Jim closer.
And it’s like a dam breaking.
Stardate 2261.0218
“Jim, I love you.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“Hey. I’m in love with you.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“Did you know I’ve been in love with you for close to five years now?”
Stardate 2261.0218
“I have to tell you something.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“And I know this isn’t the best time, but,”
Stardate 2261.0218
“I love you, Jim.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“Always have.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“Always will.”
Stardate 2261.0218
“Jim, I need your help,” Bones tells him, early in the day. “I’m stuck in a time loop, and so far nothing’s worked.”
So now, Jim finds himself in an informal meeting with both his First Officer and CMO and Bones is finishing up telling them about previous loops and what hasn’t worked. The three of them are seated in the room usually reserved for meetings with senior officers.
“It really sounds like we’re in uncharted territory,” Jim says, bringing a hand up to his chin.
“Not exactly,” Spock speaks up. “There has been one recorded instance of a Starfleet official who was trapped in a time loop.”
“Really?” Jim says, perking up. “How’d he break out of it?”
Spock pauses, glancing towards Bones, before he answers. “He died, Captain. His death is what is thought to have broken the loops. The Commander – David Anderson – left behind a series of detailed letters, explaining his situation and proof of the loop.”
“Oh,” Jim says, sitting back. “Well, that’s off the table then.”
“Yeah,” Bones snorts. “Besides, I’m not sure if that would even work.”
“What do you mean?” Jim asks.
Bones grimaces. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and there’s a possibility that Anderson continued in his loop after his death.”
“I am familiar with these theories as well,” Spock says. “It is thought that each loop Anderson went through created a new timeline that continued after the day was done.”
“So the loop he died in created this timeline, and he could still be out there, stuck,” Jim says. He shudders at the thought. “All the more reason not to try that way out.”
“Indeed,” Spock says. He turns towards Bones. “Doctor, have you thought to attempt–”
Bones cuts him off. “Don’t. Your fairytale theory doesn’t work either,” He says, jabbing a finger at Spock.
Spock raises an eyebrow. “So you have tried–”
“Yes,” Bones says, cutting him off with a glare. “I tried. Multiple times. Trust me.”
“Tried what?” Jim asks, leaning forward across the table.
“Something that didn’t work,” Bones says, crossing his arms. He seems sore about the issue. Jim’s tempted to press the topic, but decides against it to save time.
“Well, do you have any other ideas, Spock?” Jim asks instead.
“I have one, actually,” he says, nodding. “Doctor, you said that we performed a mind-meld previously?”
“Multiple times,” Bones says. “To review that first day–to see if we could catch what triggered this whole shit-show.”
“I thought as much,” he says. “I was wondering if you would be open to another meld. This one would be longer, however, as I would like to review your other loops as well.”
“You could go through all of them?” Jim asks and Spock nods.
“Perhaps there are additional clues we have missed in other loops.”
“Well, Bones? What do you think?” Jim asks.
Bones looks doubtful, his mouth pulled into a grimace.
“Do you have any other ideas, Doctor?” Spock asks.
“Damn it,” Bones says. “What the hell, let’s do it. But just be warned – there are some loops you may want to skip.”
“We shall see,” Spock says, raising an eyebrow.
Spock and Bones move their chairs closer and get ready. Spock reaches out and Bones closes his eyes.
“My mind to your mind…” Spock murmurs, eyes closed and his hands on Bones’ face.
A moment later, the room is silent. Jim sits up and watches intently. He remembers his mind-meld with Ambassador Spock clearly. The experience had been indescribable; he remembers the surprising amount of emotional transference in the meld, the feel of another mind against his own. Jim hasn’t melded with his Spock (though he thinks it’ll happen someday) but he wonders if the experience would be different, given that his Spock is different.
The meld continues with little commotion. Every once in a while Spock or Bones will murmur something unintelligible or their face will twitch. Jim himself begins to shuffle in his chair; he feels antsy just sitting and waiting.
As soon as Jim has that thought, Spock leans away abruptly and he gives Bones a stricken look. Jim leans forward, suddenly worried.
“What is it, Spock?”
Spock continues to look at Bones, who in turn shakes his head. This puts Jim even more on edge.
“Guys,” he says again. “What is it?”
There’s another moment of tense silence before Spock straightens and turns to Jim. “Doctor McCoy has been stuck in this time loop longer than he led us to believe.”
Jim swivels his chair to face Bones, who’s scowling at Spock. “How long have you been stuck?”
Bones turns as well and sighs. “Does it really matter? It’s not like knowing that is going to help us find a solution.”
“Bones,” Jim says his name. “How long?”
“Two month.”
“Four months,” Spock cuts in and Jim feels his eyebrows shoot up.
“Spock!” Bones snaps.
Jim ignores Bones for a moment, looking at Spock. “Four months?” Jim parrots and Spock nods. “Oh my god, Bones.”
Bones throws his arms up in a huff. “Great! Now that we have that out of the way, let's move on. Please.”
There’s another tense moment of silence before Spock speaks.
“I did not mean to cause agitation. But the Captain should know,” Spock says pointedly, looking at Bones.
Bones shifts in his seat but holds Spock’s gaze. Jim sits and watches while the two of them seem to have a silent conversation. Jim tries to follow along, but like most of the crew, Spock and Bones have grown close over the years. They’ve developed their own language with each other.
Finally, Bones looks down, ending the silent conversation. “Alright,” he says, changing the subject. “Y’all have any new ideas?”
Jim decides he’ll pester Bones or Spock about their silent argument later. Instead, he puts his full attention to the task at hand, drumming his fingers on the table.
“You mentioned that you’ve tried playing out different scenarios each day, right?” he asks and Bones nods his head.
“A few loops back, we theorized that maybe I needed to find the right scenario in the hopes that I could trigger whatever happened that got me stuck in this loop in the first place. So far, no luck.”
“Have you tried revisiting the planet? You’ve been to the city, but maybe something outside the city could trigger something? I know there are ruins–”
“No,” Spock cuts in quickly and firmly. Jim startles at the harshness in Spock’s voice. He gives him a questioning look and Spock speaks again. “I do not suggest that course of action. I believe there are other alternatives to pursue. There will be a sudden rock slide there later today, it will be dangerous.”
“Wait, how do you–have you been to the ruins in a previous loop?” Jim asks, looking to Bones. Bones avoids his gaze and waves his hand.
“A few loops back. I didn’t–well–it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park.”
“What do you mean? What happened?” Jim asks. He looks to Spock, who in turn looks towards Bones.
Bones shifts in his seat and begins to twist the ring on his pinky finger–something he does when he’s feeling anxious. “Ah, well. Let’s just say I know David Anderson’s solution won’t work for me,” he says and Jim feels his insides turn to ice.
“You mean–?” Jim begins to ask. He can’t bring himself to finish the question. .
Bones meets his eyes for a moment – and it's enough for Jim to know, but Spock answers for him.
“That is correct, Jim,” Spock says, his voice unusually soft.
For a moment, Jim thinks he’s going to be sick at the mere thought. Bones had died. He’s overcome with relief that dying didn’t break the loop–that Bones was still here, albeit stuck in a time loop. But he was still alive. Still living and breathing. A part of Jim wants to stand up and rush to Bones to shake him back and forth and question how he could be so reckless.
Another part of Jim, a quieter part of him, wonders if this is how Bones felt when he had died.
“Okay,” Jim says. “Okay. The ruins are off the table then. I don’t want you going anywhere near them.”
Bones nods his head. “That’s more than fine with me,” he says.
“What else can we do?” Jim asks, more than ready to stop thinking about Bones’ death.
“I may have an idea,” Spock says, speaking up. “During our mind-meld, I noticed something strange. Doctor McCoy if you recall, during your second loop, you revisited the On’e shop in the capital city. The shopkeeper seemed to recognize you and Jim.”
“You’re right,” Bones brings a hand up and rubs it against his chin, thinking back. “I remember thinking that was weird, but it’s been so long ago by now that I’d forgotten about it.”
“Should we visit the shop again today and talk with him?” Jim asks.
“I have no other ideas at this point,” Bones says with a shrug.
“Then let’s get to it.”
Spock insists on joining them and so the three of them all make their way down planetside and head towards the shop. Bones leads the way, having made this trip many, many times at this point.
The whole time, Jim’s still on edge. Not for the first time today, he wishes he was stuck in this loop with Bones. It’s difficult for him, feeling so helpless.
He also keeps thinking about the fact that, at one point, Bones hadn’t made it through the day alive.
What had he been doing? How did it happen? It’s an uncomfortable reminder for Jim that if the situation was different – if Bones had gone to the ruins before the time loop started, he’d be lost forever.
As they walk through the busy city street, Jim hangs back and watches Bones’s back as he leads on. Since he’d met him all those years ago at the Academy, Bones has been a constant in his life; a sturdy presence he couldn’t get rid of even if he tried, not that he’d want to.
Jim can’t imagine life without Bones. It’s unfathomable to him.
Jim realized he was in love with Bones sometime around his third year in the Academy, but he hadn’t acted on it. Then, Nero happened, then Khan, then their five year mission. Jim was never sure when or even if he should act on his feelings. It’s not that he’s afraid of rejection (well, a part of him is), but it’s more so that he doesn’t want to risk losing Bones. If things broke bad between them – well – it’s terrifying to consider.
But, Jim thinks. Maybe it would be worth the risk. Maybe if they can get this time loop nonsense figured out, if they can get Bones unstuck, he’ll stop avoiding this.
Up ahead, Bones stops and turns. “This is it,” he says and they all enter.
The shop is quaint and Jim instantly takes a liking to it. If not for their current objective, he’d be heading straight for the wall of books on the other side of the shop.
An old On’e shopkeeper – Jim assumes it’s the same one from previous loops – looks up and peers at the three of them through their glasses. They smile and lift a hand in greeting.
“Welcome!” they say, setting down the book they were reading. “Hello,” they say to Spock directly. “I believe this is your first time here, yes? Please, take your time and look around the shop.”
The three of them exchange looks.
“Actually,” Jim says, stepping forward. “We were wondering if we could ask you a few questions.”
The shopkeeper – T’alika – is extremely amicable, but seems unable to give them any straight answers. When Jim asks them if they recognize them from before, T’alika seems confused.
“Of course,” they say. “This is your first visit, obviously. But you both have been here many times. Except for you,” they gesture to Spock.
They all exchange looks again. “This might sound farfetched, but my friend here,” Jim gestures to Bones, “has been stuck living this day over and over for sometime now. You seem to recognize us from previous loops he’s been through – are you also stuck in a loop?”
“Oh, no, no. I am not stuck,” T’alika chuckles. “But what you say makes sense, based on your friend’s reactions from previous visits.”
Jim furrows his eyebrows and represses a sigh. Spock steps in.
“So you are not stuck, but do you know how to help our friend?”
T’alika nods. “Oh yes. Your friend is sick. You,” he turns to Bones, “will need to visit one of our healers. They can explain everything and help you with your ailment.”
They weren’t able to get much more information out of T’alika. When pressed, T’alika claimed they weren’t at liberty to explain further, so the three headed back to the ship.
“Tonight, we’ll all be seated near different O’ne healers,” Bones tells them as they make their way out of the transporter room. “Jim, you always seem to get along well with the one who sits on your right. I’ve had a few good conversations with one of the ones I’m seated next to as well.”
“Well, that works out nicely,” Jim says.
Spock nods in agreement. “We can approach them after the feast and ask to discuss the matter privately.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Jim says.
Spock leaves and heads towards his quarters to get ready for the night and Jim decides to walk with Bones towards his room. The entire time, Bones continues to fiddle with his ring as they walk.
“Hey,” Jim says, grabbing Bones’ shoulder as they stop in front of his door. “How are you feeling?”
“Honestly?” Bones says. “I actually feel hopeful for the first time in a long while.”
“You seem more anxious than anything else,” Jim says, raising his eyebrows.
“I just don’t want to get my hopes up,” Bones admits. “Jim, we’ve tried so many options. I’ve gotten my hopes up before and each time I wake up to this day again.”
That desperate feeling creeps in again and Jim places his other hand on Bones, pulling their foreheads together. “Hey,” he says, trying to get Bones to meet his eyes. “We’ll figure it out. If not this time, the next time. But we’ll get there, we’ll break this eventually. Trust me.”
Bones finally meets his eyes at that. “Okay. Okay. I trust you.”
Jim’s knee bounces all evening while he waits for the feast to finish. He learns that the On’e healer next to him is named Dinro and after she introduces herself, he knows immediately that this was the healer Bones mentioned earlier.
“You seem distracted tonight,” she says before reaching for her drink.
“You’re very observant,” Jim tells her. “I do have something on my mind – something I would actually like to talk to you about after the feast is over.”
Dinro raises her eyebrows. “Does it have to do with your CMO?” she asks, eyes darting towards where Bones is seated.
Jim pauses. “How did you know?” he asks.
“I can tell your friend is sick,” she says. When she sees the expression on Jim’s face she chuckles. “You have also been stealing glances towards him all night.”
Jim coughs into his hand. “Yes, well, I’ve been worried about him.”
Dinro nods her head, though she has a glint of amusement in her eye. “We can discuss further after the feast is over, when we can all talk together.”
After the feast finally ends, Dinro gathers Jim, Bones, Spock and the On’e healer who sat next to Bones in a room that expands off of the building near the feast. It’s lit by torches and the interior is mostly stone.
Dinro invites them to all sit, while she and the other healer pull up chairs across from them.
“I have an idea of what your problem may be,” Dinro says to Bones. “But please, tell us what the issue is and we can go from there.”
Bones shifts in his seat – likely uncomfortable being the center of attention – and begins to speak. He explains his situation, how he woke up months ago and has been stuck living the same day over and over again ever since. The O’ne healers listen intently and when Bones is finished, they look at each other and nod.
“I suspected this was the illness,” Dinro says. “I could sense your sickness when I first saw you, and this would explain the drastic changes in your behavior on this day in particular.”
This time, Bones and Jim exchange a look of surprise.
“Your explanation implies that you have also lived this day over before, is that correct?” Spock asks.
Dinro looks contemplative. “Not exactly. This is my first time experiencing this day physically, but I have seen the various possibilities of this day before. I can still see them, if I look back. I’ve seen the many ways this day could play out.”
Spock raises an eyebrow. “Could you explain further?”
Dinro nods. “Certainly, but I must ask that you not repeat this information to anyone else. It is not something we want to share with most of those outside our planet.”
Jim looks to Bones and Spock, who both nod. “You have our word,” Jim says, and he means it.
“Thank you,” Dinro says, and she smiles. “The On’e people view time very differently than most. You see, we are able to see the different possible futures that lay ahead of us, as well as look back towards the past. It is difficult to explain to those not like us, but you humans and Vulcans are only able to see things linearly. You are not able to see forward, you are only able to look back towards the past in memories. In the simplest terms, we can see time.”
“That sounds exhausting,” Jim says, but Dinro smiles.
“It is the only way I’ve ever lived. When we discussed joining the Federation, many On’e thought the way you all live to be…lacking. We cannot imagine what it would be like to not see forward.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Bones says. “But why hide this from the Federation? And why did it take you so long to agree to join, if you can see the future?”
“Hmm,” the other healer hums. “It’s not as simple as ‘seeing the future.’ We can see the many different possible futures that lay ahead, but we do not know which one will be our future, if that makes sense.”
“Think of it like this,” Dinro jumps in. “You are walking down a road that branches off towards three others at the end. You cannot read the street signs from where you are, but you know one of those is the road you must take. When you get close enough, you are able to read the signs and know that the road leading left is the one you must take.”
“So the closer you get towards a given day, the more accurately you can see which future is your own?” Jim asks.
Both the On’e nod. “Something like that, yes. This is why it took our leaders so long to decide to join the Federation. They knew that eventually they’d reach a decision, but we also could see the various possibilities of our planet’s future. In some scenarios when we agreed to join, our planet suffered. In others, we benefited. The closer we got to the decision day, the possibilities narrowed. The good choices began to outnumber the bad and so our leaders voted to join.”
Dinro nods. “Of course, we do not know every outcome until it actually happens, but we can usually get a good idea of what is to come. But the reason we wish to keep this a secret is because we do not wish to become…what you would call fortune tellers,” she says. “As we said, we do not know the future for certain, but there are those in the Federation who would purposely misinterpret that and demand to know the future. For the peace of our people and planet, it is better that our views be kept hidden.”
Jim nods in understanding.
“Then why has Doctor McCoy been stuck in reliving the same day?” Spock asks.
The other healer speaks up again. “Doctor McCoy has contracted an illness that has caused him to become stuck in time, unable to break out of the current day he is in. It is actually an illness that we have treated before. It is rare, but not unheard of among our people. Until today, we did not know it was possible for someone other than the On’e to become infected with it.”
“We can fix it, though,” Dinro says. “As healers, we can ‘reset’ you to your proper place in the timeline. We have a procedure we must do and you will have to go through this day one last time, keeping all your previous memories, but you should be free of what ails you afterwards. With your permission, we can begin the procedure tonight, right here.”
“Absolutely,” Bones says quickly, leaning forward. He looks tentatively hopeful, but Jim still feels anxious.
“This’ll work for sure?” Jim asks, as the other On’e healer stands up to approach Bones. It almost seems too good to be true and he wants to be sure. Bones’ words from earlier echo in his head.
Bones exchanges a look of understanding with the On’e healer, who then turns towards Jim. “As your Doctor is aware, no medical procedure is without risk. But, we can guarantee that we will handle your doctor with the utmost care. The process is not too difficult. You could compare the main part of the procedure to that of a Vulcan mind-meld. We will wait until Doctor McCoy is unconscious and then enter his consciousness and reset the error.”
Jim nods, though he wishes once again wishes there was more he could do. He wishes Bones didn’t have to relive this day again, even if it’s the last time.
Dinro gives Jim a considering look and then says, as if reading his mind, “I could send you back to relive this day as well, if you wish to accompany him in his last loop. Even though you are not afflicted, I could still send you back to the original timeline as your friend. You’d also keep your memories of today.”
Jim looks at Dinro, eyebrows raised. “Really?” he asks at the same time Bones says, “Absolutely not.”
Jim turns to Bones, frustrated. “Why not?” he asks, arms crossed. “You wouldn’t have to do this alone.”
But Bones stubbornly shakes his head. “Jim, you heard her. Although the risk is low, there is a risk something could go wrong. You don’t need to do this. What if something goes wrong and we both get stuck? Or you just get stuck?”
“We know that we can go to the On’e for help now,” Jim says, resisting the urge to raise his voice. “If something like that goes wrong, we can always try again.”
Bones doesn’t look convinced, however. Before he can respond, Spock speaks up.
“The Doctor is correct, Captain,” Spock says and Bones gestures to Spock as if to say I told you so. “As you are the Captain, you should put yourself in harm's way if not necessary.”
“Thank you, Spock. At least one of you has some common sense–”
“As such, I would like to volunteer to accompany the Doctor instead–”
“Spock,” Bones snaps, throwing his arms up. “You two are unbelievable. I’m the one stuck in the damn loop, I’m the one who needs to be helped, not you two. Neither of you are going to accompany me, and that’s final.”
“I don’t like this,” Jim says. “You shouldn’t have to do this alone again.”
“I know,” Bones looks at him. “But I’ll be fine, Jim. I’ve lived this day so many times now, what’s one more?”
Jim’s still not convinced, but he nods his head slowly. Bones seems satisfied with that and turns back to the healer.
“Let’s get this over with,” he says.
The healer places her hands on Bones’ face. She murmurs something to Bones and he closes his eyes. After a moment, his body goes slack.
“You know,” Dinro says quietly in Jim’s ear, “I could still do it. The offer is still on the table.” Jim turns to look at Dinro who lifts her eyebrow. “Sometimes the ones we love need a little help, whether they want it or not.”
“Do it,” Jim says. He doesn’t even have to think about it.
Dinro lifts her hands and places them on Jim’s face. The points she lays them on are similar to a Vulcan mind-meld.
“Relax,” Dinro says quietly and Jim feels his eyes grow heavy and then, nothing.
Stardate 2261.0218
When Jim opens his eyes, the first thing he does is check his computer. The date reads the same. He exhales and runs a hand through his hair; it worked. Jim glances at the time–he thinks he and Bones ate–or will eat–breakfast together in about thirty minutes.
He has thirty minutes to figure out how to tell Bones he ignored him.
Jim gets dressed and makes a plan.
It turns out, Jim doesn’t need a plan. Bones figures it out almost right away. The moment Jim sets his tray down across from Bones, the other man’s face goes rigid.
“I can’t believe you,” he hisses.
“What – how’d you even know?”
“Jim, I’ve sat across from you everyday for months now. And everyday, you’ve eaten the same goodman breakfast,” Bones says, gesturing towards Jim’s plate.
Of course. Jim looks down at his plate – he’d grabbed oatmeal today. The time before, he’d had pancakes.
Shit.
“Bones,” Jim says, trying to reason. “If the roles were reversed, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same. It’s only a day.”
“I don’t want to argue about this right now,” Bones says, shaking his head. He stands up. “If this thing really works, I have physicals to finish.”
“Bones–”
“And you have paperwork to finish,” Bones says before turning and walking away.
“Damn it,” Jim mutters.
Jim does his best to file away his paperwork. (The process feels twice as long this time around, given he did the same work just the day before). He’s almost finished and about to go corner his friend when his intercom chimes.
“Sickbay to Captain Kirk,” Chapel’s voice chimes in.
“Kirk here,” he says, signing his signature on the last report.
“Captain, I’m sending Doctor McCoy your way,” Chapel tells him.
Jim pauses. “Nurse?”
“Permission to speak freely, Sir?”
“Permission granted,” Jim says, tilting his head towards the intercom.
“Jim, I don’t know what you did to piss Leonard off, but you two need to sort it out, now.”
He can’t help – he barks out a laugh. “It’s a long story,” Jim says.
“Well, I don’t care if it takes all day, you need to figure your argument out – preferably before the feast tonight,” Chapel tells him. “Leonard has been taking his bad mood out on his last physicals, so I’m kicking him out of Sickbay.”
“Who will finish the last of them?” Jim asks.
“M’Benga and I are more than capable of finishing them up. Don’t let him try and sneak back up here, we’ll send him right back out. Now go find him and sort this out, please. ”
“I’ll do my best,” Jim says.
“Good luck.”
“Thanks. Kirk out.”
Jim leans back and sits for a moment before leaning forward again.
“Captain to Doctor McCoy.”
No answer.
“Captain to Doctor McCoy,” he says again. There’s no answer save for the sound of subtle static. “Bones, I know you’re there. Chapel just called me. We need to talk, come down to my quarters.”
For a moment there’s no answer and Jim is seriously considering pulling rank when Bones’ voice finally breaks through.
“Be there in ten. McCoy out.”
It takes longer than ten minutes, but Bones eventually arrives at Jim’s door and all but marches into his room.
“I’m still pissed at you,” Bones says, without prompting. “I asked you specifically not to do this.”
“Cutting right to the chase here,” Jim says, running a hand through his hair. “Bones, you have to see it from my point of view.”
“Your point of view?” Bones says, rounding on him. “Why don’t you look at it from mine! Jim, I’m stuck here – I might still be stuck here, we don’t know yet. And you decide that – what – you want to be stuck here too? Why would you think that’s a good idea?”
“Because I wanted to help!” Jim says, his voice finally raised.
Why can’t Bones understand? he thinks, frantically.
“You think this is helping?” Bones asks.
“Yes!” Jim throws up his arms. “Bones, I couldn’t do anything to help! You’ve been stuck in this loop god knows how long and I’ve been helpless to do anything for you.”
“Jim– that’s not fair,” Bones says, frowning. “You’ve helped in past loops–”
“But I don’t remember and it’s never worked because you’ve still been stuck! At least this time you don’t have to do this alone,” Jim says.
“I haven’t really–”
Jim holds up a hand. “Save it. You and I both know, you’ve been by yourself for a while now. At least – at least now you’re not alone.”
“Christ,” Bones runs a hand down his face. He sits and sighs.
“Bones, you can’t tell me you haven’t been lonely. Look, I’m sorry for causing you extra stress but I’m confident in Dinro. You’ll be fine – we’ll both be fine.”
Bones sits, looking down at his hands. He takes a few deep breaths.
“Listen, I’m still annoyed that you took a dumb, avoidable risk. But,” Bones looks over at Jim. “Thank you. I’ve – it has been lonely.”
Jim sits down next to Bones. “Of course.” Jim pauses, considering his words carefully. “It – it really freaked me out, yesterday – or I guess last time – when you said you died in a past loop.”
“You’re one to talk,” Bones says sarcastically. “That’s why I didn’t want you to know. I knew you’d get all freaked out.”
“That’s one way to put it,” Jim says, drumming his fingers on his lap. The thought of Bones–dead. It still makes him feel sick. “We don’t – I won’t make you talk about it. But, I just – I keep thinking about it. That, maybe there’s a timeline out there where you’re–you’re dead. And I couldn’t–” he stops and clenches his fists. “I don’t like thinking about that possibility.”
A few different choices in a day and Bones could be gone.
Jim feels a hand placed over his and he looks up. “Hey,” Bones says, trying to catch his eye. “I’m not dead – it didn’t stick,” he says with a smile. “I’m still here. And trust me, I’m not trying to go anywhere else.”
Jim chuckles in relief. “That’s – yeah. That’s good. I’m glad.”
Bones smiles and his face relaxes. Jim thinks about yesterday – his promise to finally tell Bones how he feels – and his resolution sets. He’s going to do it, before the day is done.
Jim clears his throat and stands. “So, what did we do that first day anyway? I know the jist of it, but we might as well try it again, since this is our last time.”
“Hopefully,” Bones mutters but he stands up as well. “Well, usually we go down to that shop around this time.”
Jim throws his arm out, dramatically. “Lead the way.”
“Welcome back!” The storekeeper says over the bell chime.
Jim smiles and waves. “Thank you for your help.”
“My help?” they say. Then they nod, “Oh yes. Of course! Please, have a look around.”
Jim starts towards the books – happy he has a chance to finally look at them – but Bones tugs on his arm.
“You go over there and pick out a present for Joanna,” Bones says, pointing. “There’s all sorts of instruments. You’ll know which one to grab.”
“Okay,” Jim says with a shrug. He heads over and Bones goes towards the books, like he already knows what he’s looking for. As soon as Jim has that thought, he laughs. Bones probably does know what he’s looking for already.
Jim goes towards the back wall and eyes over the instruments, looking at each one. There’s a surprisingly good collection of things from all over the galaxy. He’s meticulous in his search, but it’s not long before he spots it. A small, wooden O’ne flute. Jim picks it up as Bones makes his way over, a store bag in his hand already. Jim raises his eyebrows.
“What’s in there?” he asks and Bones tugs the bag back.
“None of your business,” he says. “‘You grab the flute yet?”
Jim holds up the object and Bones smiles, taking it.
“Go look at those books,” he says, jerking his head. “I know you’ve been itchin’ to take a look.”
“Been pretty consistent these past few loops, huh?”
Bones snorts. “Yeah, but I know you well enough to know that without the loops.”
“Yeah,” Jim says, a smile creeping on his face. “You know me pretty well, Bones.”
They spend the rest of the day down, planet-side, until they need to return to get ready for the feast.
“I don’t know how you didn’t go crazy from boredom,” Jim tells him as they walk towards their respective quarters.
“Most days, I’ve been stressed about trying to break out of this damn thing,” Bones says. He snorts and shakes his head. “But trust me, I’ve eaten enough On’e food for a lifetime I think.”
Jim chuckles. “Between you and me,” he says, lowering his voice, “I couldn’t make heads or tails of that speech the leader gave.”
“You mean their creation story?” Bones asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah–it’s hard to follow.”
“Hmm,” Bones says. “Pay a little closer attention tonight.”
At the feast, Jim does his best to listen to The One’s speech; he’s pleasantly surprised to find that the creation story makes much more sense this time around; the story for the most part seems to click for Jim. The storytelling, while still confusing at parts, reflects the On’e’s abilities to look forward. The added knowledge and context makes it easier and more interesting to sit through.
“You seem to be enjoying the speech,” a voice – Dinro’s voice – whispers in his ear.
“It’s much easier to follow, the second time around,” Jim says with a wink.
“Ah,” Dinro says, as if something just clicked into place. “I bet it does. Oh! You must listen to this part now that you can fully appreciate it, it is my favorite.”
The rest of the celebration goes well. Once The One is finished with her celebratory speech, Dinro turns back to Jim.
“I am glad to see your Doctor looking well,” she says and raises her glass. “To good health.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Jim says and brings his glass up. They both take a drink and Jim sets his glass back down. “So,” he says. “What did you see us usually discussing during this feast?”
“Well,” Dinro says, swirling her glass around, “Most times, we talk about literature.”
“Really?” Jim asks.
“Yes,” Dinro says, smiling. “I’d love to hear your opinion on Vulcan poetry, actually.”
“Never read it,” he says, laughing. “I can’t see it being all that romantic–I’d think it’d be rather dry.”
There’s a twinkle in Dinro’s eyes. “I bet I can convince you otherwise, before the night is over.”
Jim smiles. “Go for it.”
They end the night in Bones’ quarters. Bones tells him they ended many of the loops here, in his quarters.
“You liked having me around?” Jim jokes, but Bones nods seriously.
“I’d appreciate it if – if you’d stick around for this last time.”
“You don’t even need to ask,” Jim says. “I was going to offer to stay anyway.”
Bones smiles at him and nods.
Jim returns and they settle in. Bones doesn’t offer his couch, and doesn’t protest when Jim climbs into the bed with him, either. It’s not like they haven’t shared a bed before – at the Academy Jim had crashed in Bones’ bed more times than he can count. But, he doesn’t think he’s slept in Bones’ bed while on the Enterprise.
He hadn’t realized how much he missed Bones’ proximity. All the more reason to tell him how he truly feels.
They settle in and Bones begins to twist the ring on his pinky finger. “Jim,” he says evenly, like he’s prepared this conversation – or maybe had it – before. “There’s something – a few things, actually – I have to tell you.”
“What is it?” he asks, but Bones just shakes his head.
“I–can we wait until the morning?” Bones asks. “In case this doesn’t work–I don’t want to have to repeat it all. Again.”
“Of course,” Jim replies, nodding. “We can wait. But I’ll hold you to it.”
“I hope you do,” Bones says, the corner of his mouth twitching upward.
“In the meantime,” Jim says, glancing at the clock. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Anything but this damned loop business,” Bones says, wearily.
Jim laughs. “Okay,” he says. “We can do that. What was your favorite part of the On’e feast?”
From there they just talk, ignoring the elephant in the room. It’s easy, like talking to Bones always is. The conversation dies down eventually, naturally. Jim can feel heaviness tug at his eyelids–sleep will come soon. But next to him Bones continues to shift, like he can’t relax.
“Stop it,” Jim tells him.
“Stop what?” Bones asks, going still.
“You’re worried,” Jim says. “I can tell–you have that look.”
“I’m always worried about one thing or another,” he says, a half-hearted attempt to deflect.
“Bones.”
He sighs. “What if it doesn’t work?”
“Then we’ll try again,” Jim says, reassuring.
“What if you get stuck with me? What if we never figure it out and you’re stuck in this with me forever?”
“Bones, there’s no one else I’d rather be stuck in eternity with.”
“Jesus, Jim,” Bones says, sounding breathless.
“I mean it,” Jim says earnestly. Jim takes a deep breath–he was going to wait, but doesn’t know if he can. “I really mean it. Bones, I have to tell you something, too.”
Bones looks at him for a moment, then he shakes his head. “Don’t–don’t tell me now. Tell me tomorrow. In the morning.”
Jim bites his tongue and nods his head, disappointed but understanding. “Okay, in the morning.”
Stardate 2261.0219
Jim blinks awake, feeling disoriented for a moment. He’s not in his quarters and he’s attached himself to something very warm.
Then it all comes back to him.
Jim untangles himself from Bones and eagerly shakes him awake.
“Bones,” he whispers. “Hey, wake up.”
Bones slowly blinks awake. It takes him a moment to orient himself, but when he does, he jerks up, eyes wide.
“Jim, oh my god. Wait – computer, what’s the stardate?”
“Current stardate 2261.0219,” the computer chimes out and Bones looks close to tears.
“It worked,” he says. “I could cry, my god.”
“I told you,” Jim says, smiling. Then, “Bones, I have something to tell you. I’ve been waiting all night to tell you.”
“Yeah?”
Jim leans in, pulling Bones into a kiss. “I love you.”
After a moment Bones pulls away, but he leans in, touching their foreheads together. “I have something to tell you too.”
"Yeah?"
"I love you, too. Have for years."
Jim grins and pulls Bones in again and they fall back into bed.
“Wait, you spent multiple loops just telling me you loved me?” Jim asks gleefully.
“Christ,” Bones says, dragging hand down his face, but there’s a smile behind it. “I should’ve never told you that.”
“But you did,” Jim points out.
“I did,” Bones says, rolling his eyes upwards.
They’re both still in Bones’ bed, laying side by side; Jim has been picking Bones’ mind about some of the past loops.
“Why?” Jim asks him.
“Why what?” He parrots back.
“Why’d you keep telling me?” Jim says with a shrug. “You must’ve realized pretty quickly it wouldn’t end the loops.”
“I never thought it would end the loops, even the first time around,” Bones admits.
“Then why?”
“I–well,” Bones stumbles over his words, and to Jim’s delight, the tips of his ears go red. “The first time around I thought, I really have nothing to lose. If it went over badly, well. I would start the next day with a clean slate.”
“But it didn’t go badly,” Jim points out.
“How do you know that?” Bones huffs but Jim chuckles.
“Bones,” Jim says, exasperated.
“Fine, fine,” he says, waving his hand in Jim’s face. Jim smacks it away, playfully. “Anyway, I–uh–I liked telling you. You always had the same expression, and you always reacted so–”
“So?” Jim prompts when Bones trails off.
“So happily,” Bones says. “Like–you couldn’t believe it was happening.”
“I bet I couldn’t believe it was happening,” Jim says, leaning back. “In my head, it was always me telling you – with some grand gesture.”
Bones shakes his head. “Well, you got your way this time around – stole my moment from me and everything.”
Jim laughs. “Well, you got to tell me, how many times?”
“Would you believe me if I told you I lost count?” Bones says, looking uncharacteristically sheepish. Jim laughs again and quietly thinks that nothing right now could ruin his good mood.
“You’re such a romantic,” he teases and Bones shakes his head again, nudging Jim gently with his shoulder.
“Oh — speaking of,” Bones says, sitting forward.
“What is it?” Jim asks.
“Stay here, I got somethin’ for ya,” Bones says, getting out of bed and heading towards his desk. He rummages for a moment, before pulling out a familiar bag. The bag from the knick-knack shop.
Bones makes his way back over and sits on the edge of the bed, handing the bag to Jim.
“I was going to wait for your birthday or something,” he says with a shrug. “But, I’ve spent the last few months of my life just waiting and I’m sick of it.”
Jim reaches into the bag and pulls out a book entitled The Complete Works of Arthur Conan Doyle. Jim feels the air catch in his throat – the book is beautiful and in great condition.
“Bones,” he says.
“You like it?” Bones asks, but the smile on his face tells Jim he already knows the answer.
“I love it,” Jim says and the smile across his face is so wide, it almost hurts.