Work Text:
“I love you,” Baekhyun whispers, at just the right time — just the right breath — for Kyungsoo to be caught unaware. Finally. It’s a sweet pleasure to see the way that Kyungsoo’s indifferent eyes flash with something else. He's wavering. Baekhyun smiles to himself and takes Kyungsoo’s hand. noting how he doesn’t pull away. “I love you, Kyungsoo.”
Maybe Baekhyun is lying. Even he doesn’t know if Kyungsoo was right when he said that Baekhyun doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He never thought about it in that way before. ‘I’m just another trophy for your case, aren’t I?’ Kyungsoo said that one night in the city, when he caved the first time and let Baekhyun take him there. Baekhyun didn’t consider that maybe he was drawn to Kyungsoo because he was so unbothered by him. All he cared about was the fact that he was interested in Kyungsoo. It didn’t matter to him why. But to Kyungsoo it does, which is why Baekhyun acknowledges it briefly, that his obsession might be a means to an end. Why else would it give him such satisfaction to see Kyungsoo’s breath stutter, to see his resolve falter? Why else would he claim Kyungsoo as his, and think of this time with him as something that only belongs to him? And why else would Baekhyun yearn for Kyungsoo’s voice back, telling him that he, too, is in love…
“You don’t know how to love,” Kyungsoo says. He doesn’t take his hand back but the walls are up again. His eyes are guarded. “You only know how to take.”
“Have you ever trusted anyone in your life?”
“I have. But not you.”
“Why?”
They stare at each other. A foreign, bubbling discomfort settles in Baekhyun’s stomach, but he can’t put a name to it because he’s focused on Kyungsoo’s expression. It’s difficult to read. Angry? Hurt? Scared?
“You don’t feel anything,” Kyungsoo says. “Even now, you don’t feel anything. You just take and take until you’re satisfied, and then you leave people behind without regret.”
“If I made that choice, why would I regret it?”
Oddly, Kyungsoo smiles. Baekhyun doesn’t understand what there is to be happy about. “See? You don’t feel guilt. You only live for yourself.”
“You live for everyone else,” Baekhyun says. He can feel himself becoming frustrated, and the moment he does, he pulls it in. Calmer, he continues, “It doesn’t make sense to be happy living for other people. You say that I live for myself like it’s a bad thing. But can you tell me that you’re happy, always worrying about everyone else?”
“I’m happy,” Kyungsoo says quietly.
Baekhyun scoffs.
“Happy? You were crying the other day.”
“I wasn’t…” Then, there’s realization. “You were watching me?”
What, does Kyungsoo think he’s a stalker? “I was just passing by,” Baekhyun says. “Really. I was hungry and I wanted to see if the restaurant was open. I didn’t think you were working. I thought it would just be your parents.” He doesn’t know why he’s even bothering to explain himself. He doesn’t owe anyone an explanation, but for some reason, Kyungsoo’s expression makes him want to set things straight. “I saw you inside through the window. If you didn’t want anyone to see you, you should have gone to the bathroom to cry.”
Kyungsoo laughs. “Right, of course you have to say shit like that.”
“Did I hurt your feelings? I was just saying the truth.”
“Forget it. If you’re hungry, go somewhere else. I told you before that I don’t like seeing you at the restaurant.”
“I don’t care,” Baekhyun says. He watches Kyungsoo’s face for any change, any hint of any bad feelings, but it’s the same as earlier minus the smile. He was angry this whole time. “I was hungry and I wanted to see you. Or at least see a place that reminds me of you. I live for myself, remember?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You don’t want to work at that restaurant anymore. Isn’t that why you were crying?”
Kyungsoo stares at him. “I didn’t tell you that.”
“It’s obvious. You always get angry when I mention the restaurant. And whenever I see you working there, you look sad. When you talk about your parents, you look scared.”
For a long moment, neither of them speak. Kyungsoo searches his face like he’s trying to figure him out. Then, Kyungsoo says, “Guilty.”
“What?”
He doesn’t seem angry anymore. Baekhyun can’t figure out what his expression means, but his voice is subdued. “I feel guilty when I talk about my parents. And when I work there, I feel exhausted. When you mention the restaurant, I get defensive.”
Baekhyun doesn’t get why Kyungsoo is telling him all this. He does know one thing, though. “Those are bad feelings.”
“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says. For some reason, he smiles a little. “Those are bad feelings.”
“Why are you smiling if it’s bad?”
Surprised, Kyungsoo touches his mouth. The smile drops. “It’s… don’t worry about it. Not that you would.”
“I would worry. I was worried yesterday. That’s why I brought you here. To make you feel better.”
It’s true. At least, Baekhyun felt concern when he saw Kyungsoo crying. He wanted to ask about it, but he thought it wasn’t a good idea to bring it up, not when Kyungsoo seemed to be more relaxed. Of course, it’s difficult not to be relaxed here. The hill overlooking the city. Baekhyun comes here to clear his head, so it’s only natural to bring Kyungsoo here too.
“If you live for yourself, why would you do this for me?”
Baekhyun shrugs. “When you’re happy, it makes me happy. It’s for me in the end, either way.”
“You don’t make sense,” Kyungsoo says. “But at the same time, you make a lot of sense.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
At that, Kyungsoo laughs, and Baekhyun feels it in his stomach for the second time. Fluttering. This laugh of Kyungsoo’s feels different from the ones from earlier or even before. It lights up his face and sounds brighter. It makes Baekhyun want to hear it again.
“Here’s a word of advice,” Kyungsoo says once he’s calmed down. “Don’t say that you love someone unless you really do. People can tell if you aren’t sure. There are other things you can say that mean more.”
“Other things like what?”
“‘I like you,’” Kyungsoo says. The confession makes Baekhyun’s heart skip a beat, but Kyungsoo continues, “Things like that.”
“Then I like you.”
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and starts walking again. He walks slow, so that Baekhyun can catch up. “Sure.”