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It has to be the heat making her go crazy.
The heat with the disgusting humidity, with the consistent sound of buzzing that someone would notice only if they were paying enough attention. It had made her feel gross, the way her tank top stuck to her back. Her face was flushed, even more so than it would have been on any other practice day.
It has to be the heat messing with her head, Heejin decides. It’s the only way she can try to justify why she currently has Park Chaewon pressed against the wall, hidden out of sight from workers and coaches alike, her lips and tongue exploring her mouth.
Heejin hums a bit when she feels Chaewon’s hands move up her arm, almost desperately, before they come to grab at her neck. As though she’s trying to pull Heejin even closer than they already are. As though Heejin doesn’t have a tight grip on her waist, one leg between Chaewon’s, tilting Chaewon’s head back just a bit whenever they break apart for air.
“Heejin,” Chaewon lets out, her voice breathy, quiet. Heejin tries to hide it a bit, but it makes her feel a little crazier, the way it excites her. She doesn’t let Chaewon see her eyes as she attaches her lips to her neck, her hands working to reach under her shirt. “I didn’t know,” Chaewon lets out a shaky breath when Heejin traces her lips across her skin, pausing at her jaw.
“I never knew you wanted me this bad.”
Heejin pauses again as Chaewon moves to hold her face within her hands, making them look directly into each other's eyes. Heejin’s eyes look across Chaewon’s face, taking note of her pink cheeks, her excited, bright eyes. The way Chaewon’s mouth looks so tempting, so irresistible.
Of course, Heejin doesn’t admit what she’s thinking. Instead, she feels a grin grow on her face, which feels more like a smirk, before leaning in. One of her hands finds Chaewon’s waist again, she tightens her grip on her as she brushes her lips against Chaewon’s, but doesn’t press. Instead, she whispers, “I should be the one saying that about you.”
Chaewon goes to kiss her again but Heejin leans back, having a bit of a height advantage, before letting out an amused breath. “I think it’s hot,” She continues. Chaewon’s eyes locked onto Heejin as she spoke. “The way you want me.”
Chaewon brushes her thumb across Heejin’s bottom lip, looking at how Heejin’s eyes dart to her mouth the second Chaewon bites down on her lip. “I bet you wish you could leave a mark on me.”
Everyone knows Chaewon, they know that she’s blunt, persistent, and a bit stuck up. They know that she loves gossip, she’s untrustworthy, territorial, and fucking fantastic at what she does.
So Heejin isn’t sure when she still feels so excited when Chaewon goes, “You know I do. I’ve even thought about where.”
Heejin hums as Chaewon taps her thumb against her bottom lip again, before she continues. “I’d leave a mark here,” she drags her fingers down Heejin’s jaw, and neck. “Here.” Her hand rests against Heejin’s stomach for a moment, fingers spread, before Chaewon shakes her head, almost as if she’s grounding herself. “Here too. I’d make them last a long time.”
Heejin imagines it. Has imagined it. Has been in her room late at night, in the dark, tracing a random path along her skin, thinking to herself “ Chaewon could be here, or here.”
“I’d make all your girlfriends jealous.”
Chaewon watches as Heejin full-on smirks now, her energy suddenly more arrogant. (And, to Chaewon’s irritation, sexy.) Chaewon can’t ask what the look is for before Heejin is pressing back into her, kissing her, her hands suddenly active as they drag across Chaewon’s body, Chaewon responding by digging her nails into Heejin’s biceps.
There’s a wet gasp as they part, Heejin taking four steps back as they separate. She still has that look on her face, the one that feels like she knows it all, as her eyes scan over Chaewon’s entire being, lingering at her mouth, and then her thighs. Just the parts that weren’t covered by her skirt. “If you wanted to be one of those girlfriends, you didn’t have to be shy about it.” Chaewon wants to kiss her again, maybe drag her into an empty bathroom and pull up Heejin’s shirt, or make Heejin pull up Chaewon’s shirt. She wants to look Heejin in the eye and say “ You don’t need all of those girls. Who else drives you crazy as I do?”
Instead, she leans her weight against the wall, smoothing out her outfit. “I don’t find anything rewarding about being part of your many flings,” Heejin scoffs a bit, covering her face a bit, but not enough to hide the amused grin. “I think I would be too much for you.”
“You think so?”
Chaewon thinks about Heejin’s lips, and the way her hands felt. Heejin thinks about Chaewon’s gaze and the sounds she made.
They want more.
Instead, Chaewon finishes cleaning herself up, before patting Heejin’s cheek with one hand.
“You wouldn’t know what to do with me.”
___
Park Chaewon was fucking incredible at tennis. Jeon Heejin was fucking incredible at tennis.
People thought about how they would play as a team. People thought about who was better, who should win more, and who would survive longer. Like an unwritten narrative, a spoken story.
Heejin and Chaewon. Chaewon and Heejin. A story just like that.
Naturally, they hated each other.
Chaewon was all magazine covers and mean words. She was the false flower, the snide comments, the mental rage. The bitter win. Heejin was all mint-flavored smoke and scandalous stories. She was the ill-mannered laughter, the way someone’s grip tightens around their racket before smashing it to the ground. Another bitter win.
To the people behind the scenes, they’re the worst ones, the ones that when they lose, everyone else can feel it.
Of course, they wouldn’t get along.
There was just something about them that made the other go crazy. Something intangible, pressing down into their minds until it was all that was left.
If you asked Chaewon to pinpoint the moments where she feels it the most, it would be something like this; standing face to face with Heejin on opposite sides of the net, the sun glaring down at them. No breeze, just a dense humidity, the type that makes you itch. Chaewon had glared at the woman across from her, the way the sweat was making Heejin’s hair stick to her face. The air of confidence that Heejin gave as she looked back at Chaewon, as the coach told them both this was the last practice match, they’ve been there for a while.
To be honest, it was like that coach wasn’t even there. On that day, Chaewon could only focus on the fire that was burning under her skin, the way her fingers started to feel sensitive because of the grip she had on her racket. Her hair was starting to loosen the longer they went, some of it sticking to her neck.
The way Heejin’s voice filled the space between them. The way her arms flexed when she got a hit, the way her eyes started filling with a challenging, angry glint the longer they both went on.
Heejin had won that practice that day. Chaewon had bitten her words down when they had to shake hands after, even with Heejin’s smug look. Had bitten her words down as they gathered their things, had walked into the locker room where they found themselves alone.
Chaewon had held her mouth shut for as long as she could, sharp and mean words and mockings coming to her head. She had held back, until the moment she found herself looking at how Heejin’s muscles flexed as she stretched. Then Heejin’s eyes met Chaewon’s in the mirror.
The air was thick, suffocating almost. Head spinning.
If anyone ever asked about it, Chaewon would say she can’t recall it all. That was a better response than telling someone about how she and Heejin had touched each other; turning on the shower to muffle the noise (“It works,” Heejin had whispered into Chaewon’s skin, before running her tongue over where she had just bitten. “Nobody will hear a thing.”
“You would know,” Chaewon had replied, tone mocking before Heejin moved and pressed into, causing Chaewon to whine a little.)
The way the cool tiles felt when touching warm skin. Heejin looked at Chaewon like she couldn’t process her existence, kissing her again and again like she wanted to devour her whole. With the way Chaewon felt Heejin’s body shiver whenever she traced a pattern with her fingertips, maybe she did.
Chaewon would understand. She imagined Heejin touching another, which made her hands grab at Heejin’s hair, pulling. Heejin had gasped into Chaewon’s mouth when she did.
Of course, Chaewon would understand. She wanted to devour her too.
Later that night, when Chaewon was lying in her bed, hidden in the dark, she thought of something silly.
‘It’s a good thing,’ Chaewon inhales, her own body a traitor against her mind as she runs her hand over her stomach, further down. ‘That the walls can’t talk.’
If they did though, she wonders as she slows her breathing, senses on high alert, heart pounding, she wonders what they would reveal.
___
It takes around forty-two minutes before Heejin feels Chaewon wrap her fingers around her wrist, soft but firm. Heejin glances at all of the people in the room quickly and sees Jungeun and Yerim laughing loudly about Haseul trying her best to inhale an almost irresponsible amount of alcohol in her red cup. Other people are smiling and chatting among themselves, the bass of the music pounding the walls around them.
Even with the loud music and the alcohol in Heejin’s body making everything just a bit funnier and brighter, she wouldn’t have missed it. The way Chaewon says “I have something to show you.” The way Chaewon smells like fruit punch and a bit of wine, or maybe that was Heejin.
Heejin can’t fight off the growing amusement on her face, raising her other hand to rub at the corner of her mouth to hide it, as Chaewon blinks at her a bit before grinning, tugging Heejin towards her.
Not that she would need to try that hard to make Heejin follow her.
As they are away from the chaos, nobody taking much notice of them walking together, Heejin shakes her wrist a bit before sliding her fingers to intertwine with Chaewon’s own. Heejin can’t help but look. Of course, Heejin isn’t shy about checking people out, even her friends, but for Chaewon, she usually manages to hold back, not let her thoughts linger.
Not at this moment.
At this moment, her eyes keep on staring at Chaewon, the way her dark hair makes her look gorgeous these days, especially tonight. The way that the outfit she was wearing tonight showed off her body nicely, the shorts she wore were leather, black, and they made her thighs look incredible, especially with the way her high-knee boots matched it.
Chaewon has never been unattractive, not by a mile, but tonight she looks…
Heejin thinks she hears Chaewon giggle when Heejin tightens her grip on her hand as they walk up the stairs and stop outside Chaewon’s door. Chaewon turns and raises a finger to her lips, narrowing her eyes, and Heejin lets out an amused huff, biting her lip when Chaewon turns for a moment to open the door.
“Ladies first,” Heejin offers, to which Chaewon rolls her eyes a bit before stepping inside, Heejin following after her.
“Lock the door behind you,” Chaewon says as she walks towards her dresser, flipping on a lamp that sits dangerously towards the edge of her desk. The music from before has grown more muffled, along with the loud chatter and laughter as well. “Don’t want any random drunk people coming in here.”
Chaewon’s room is covered with posters of random interests that Chaewon has gained over the years, a mix of animation and random celebrities that Heejin can’t name. That still doesn’t stop Heejin’s inebriated mind from brushing her fingers through her hair, in the way that many girls told her they like, makes her look sexy, standing by the door.
She doesn’t get to look around for long though, before Chaewon walks closer to her, backing her up into the door. Heejin can’t help but note that even with her boots, Chaewon still has to tilt her head up to look Heejin in the eye.
It’s exhilarating.
“Hi,” Heejin breathed out after a moment, Chaewon’s eyes studying her face intensely. It was the same look Chaewon had before a match, picking apart the opponent piece by piece. Heejin has seen it, used for others, used for her.
Chaewon blinks quickly, as though she’s taking herself out of a daze before she rests her hands on Heejin’s arms. There’s a part of Heejin’s mind that is glad she chose a top with no sleeves.
“Did you miss me,” Chaewon asks, her voice trying to carry a tone of casualness. But Heejin knows her.
She wouldn’t ask if she didn’t care.
“What do you think?”
Chaewon hums, deliberately going so slow that Heejin can tell she’s trying to make her crazy. “You seemed to be having a good time with Ryujin these days.”
They look at each other for a moment that feels very long, before Heejin feels a growing giddiness in her stomach. Maybe it was the alcohol in her, or the alcohol in Chaewon, but she can’t help it; accidental or not, Chaewon just told her she was jealous.
( Which, of course, should not be new and exciting knowledge. Give her a chance, and Heejin could name a few times where Chaewon had dragged her hands across Heejin’s skin, roughly, asking in the dark “Tell me, is there anyone else who can make you this way like I can?”
And Heejin would inhale sharply, breathe, and whisper “No. Not like this.”
Chaewon never told her, but Heejin knew it made her feel good.)
Heejin goes, “You know it’s nothing serious.”
Chaewon hums, taking a step back, then takes another. Heejin doesn’t know what it is, the dim lighting, the muffled music, and laughter, the way Chaewon keeps looking at her. Maybe it’s everything, but that’s why she feels a bit defenseless when she breathes out, “Baby, you know it’s nothing serious.”
Chaewon feels a shiver in her body at Heejin’s voice, the sound filling her senses, but she keeps moving backward before she sits on her bed. “Baby,” Chaewon repeats, feeling a rush of excitement. “Baby…”
“You like it,” Heejin questions, moving away from the door until she stands over Chaewon. She puts her fingers under Chaewon’s chin, tilting her gaze up. “When I call you baby?”
Heejin can’t help but notice the way Chaewon’s lips are shining, pretty. She runs her finger across the bottom lip, feeling a fluttering inside her body when she feels the cool sensation of it.
“Do you call anyone else that,” Chaewon wraps her hands on the back of Heejin’s thighs, before pressing her lips to her skin. Right above the waistline of her pants. Chaewon presses more kisses along her skin, some softer than others, watching Heejin’s face as she does. She takes note of the way her jaw clenches, the way Heejin’s eyes flutter.
“What do you think,” Heejin goes. Chaewon moves her hands slowly up, so they come to rest near where her lips are. Right above the button.
“I think,” Chaewon breathes, continuing to move her hands up Heejin’s body, moving past her chest in a way that makes Heejin shake only just a tad. Chaewon knows she does, she can feel it. “I think that I’m going to make you undress me,” Chaewon slowly stands. “Then I’m going to lay you down.” Their lips brushing against each other, Heejin trips to capture Chaewon’s own, but Chaewon knows how to play.
Heejin gives a frustrated huff as Chaewon runs her hands against her chest again. “And then I’m going to make you feel so good that you won’t even remember any other names besides mine.”
“Do you think you can do that,” Heejin asks, her voice strained, her hands trying to untuck Chaewon’s shirt so she can access the rest of her body.
Chaewon laughs, tilting her head back, to which Heejin takes as a chance to plant a kiss on her neck. She goes for another, but Chaewon moves Heejin’s hands from under her shirt and makes them hold onto the end.
There’s a spark, and then Chaewon whispers, “ Lay down… ”
It’s quite natural after that.
___
Sometimes, Heejin thinks the world is going fucking insane. The world is going insane, which also makes her feel crazy. She has to be, because there is no way that being inside her bedroom, in the dark, with Chaewon coming apart at her touch, was just as incredible and heart-pounding as when she won a match.
The more she thinks about it, cheering crowds, coaches patting her on the back roughly, the feeling of cool metal in her hands, the more it becomes incomparable. She could win all the medals in the world, but it still wouldn’t affect her as much as Chaewon kissing her greedily, calling Heejin ‘mine’ in the moments they forget themselves.
Heejin feels Chaewon tense up, and she can’t hold back her gasp, the way her mouth falls open on the spot where her lips meet Chaewon’s skin. “Heejin,” Chaewon whines, running her hands up Heejin’s sides, desperate, and Heejin feels so lucky.
Heejin is lucky. Who else could see Chaewon this way, Heejin thinks, as she traces her lips down her neck, down her chest, before she rises, leaning back a bit. Not that Chaewon would let her go far, her nails digging into Heejin’s skin when she realizes Heejin is moving away. Who else would know about the way Chaewon looks at Heejin like she’s something akin to divinity, the way she tightens around Heejin’s fingers when Heejin uses her other hand to run it over Chaewon’s cheeks, down her neck, everything. “Look at you,” Heejin lets out, feeling insane as Chaewon smiles up at her before pulling her closer.
Heejin swallows Chaewon’s sounds as if they belong to her, feeling the way Chaewon moves, feeling every jump or tension as Heejin touches her. “Chaewon,” Heejin says helplessly. “Fuck, Chaewon,” she tries again when the other woman wraps her arms around Heejin’s neck. “I wish you could see yourself right now.”
Heejin can feel Chaewon’s orgasm before Chaewon breathes in with her mouth, arching her back a bit. When she blinks her eyes closed, Heejin lets out a dazed “Look at me.”
Heejin is helpless as Chaewon meets her gaze, the sounds from her hypnotic. She can’t look away, and it makes her insane.
She wonders if Chaewon feels that way too.
___
It would inevitably end up like this. There’s only so much that can be held in before something gives.
For Chaewon, it’s hearing some teammates gossip about Heejin, unknowingly. They talk about her, and their desire for her, then Chaewon can’t even fully process the pressure of irritation she feels in her head. She can’t make sense of it, especially when she sees Heejin and someone, Chaewon thinks her name is Jiwoo, laughing with each other, Jiwoo leaning in, obviously flirtatious.
In a perfect world, it would be like before. Chaewon would hide her emotions from her face, maintaining the air of being unbothered. That was one of her strengths in a game, someone wrote once. Nobody could tell what she was thinking.
When Heejin meets her eyes though, all Chaewon can feel is a red flash of anger that she forces down like bitter cough syrup, turning on her heel.
Outside is cool and dark, distant sounds of cars and people talking filling Chaewon’s senses. She doesn’t even know why she spent so long out, anyway. Maybe because it’s been a long time, her sister told her seemed stressed, she should have fun. Because it’s been a while, and Chaewon heard people were coming out here tonight, that Heejin was going to be there.
Maybe she wanted to see Heejin, even if it was stupid.
Chaewon runs a hand down her face in frustration, thinking about pulling out her phone to call someone to pick her up when she hears footsteps behind her. She doesn’t get to turn, doesn't need to before Heejin appears in front of her, holding her forearm before pulling her out of sight from the street.
“Where are you going,” Heejin asks quietly. So many things that Chaewon could say to her buzz around in her mouth.
She opens and closes her mouth a few times before going, “I got attached to you.” The words hang in the air for a bit, open, vulnerable. “I got attached to you,” Chaewon continues. She thinks about Jiwoo, thinks about others, thinks about the way she ran her fingers over a mark Heejin had left her once, over and over until it faded. “And then I lost.”
They stare at each other. Heejin is so close, that Chaewon can’t ignore the feeling of her hand wrapped around her arm. She’s so close, Chaewon thinks a bit helplessly. ‘I can’t take this.’
Heejin drops her arm. Chaewon waits.
Then Heejin leans in, the dim streetlights casting a shadow on her eyes so Chaewon can’t see them well, brushing her lips against Chaewon’s. Chaewon clenches her jaw as she feels Heejin’s lips touch her own before Heejin moves back a little, then like a fool, Chaewon follows.
“You have no idea,” Heejin sighs, her breath brushing against Chaewon’s face, Chaewon’s eyes are helpless as they watch the way Heejin bites her bottom lip as the other woman inhales. “Chaewon, you have no idea-”
Chaewon leans forward again, her nose brushing against Heejin’s again as she gains the confidence to bring her hands to Heejin’s, raising them from Heejin’s side onto her waist. “Chaewon, don’t think about anything,” Heejin whispers. Chaewon sighs, her left hand pressing against Heejin’s chest before it slides up, not sure if it should hold her shoulder or continue touching, searching. “We can just,” she inhales. A touch of the lips. Chaewon feels Heejin’s hands on her sides tighten, and her pulse jumps. “We can just…”
They’re both unable to say anything, not when Heejin is walking forward into Chaewon’s space, not when she’s pressing her against the brick wall. Who could speak, with the way Chaewon breathes in something that feels like a confession, her hands rising to Heejin’s neck as they kiss, searching, exploring. When Chaewon tentatively pushes her tongue against Heejin’s mouth, Heejin grants her access, although slow, and when they meet, the world melts away.
There’s only the sound of distant chatter, and horns from cars, with the streetlight as the only witness to the two women who hold onto each other in secret, like it’s all they have.