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I wasn’t the one to treat him. I wasn’t there the day he needed me most.
Dekka had sent me with a small Squad in search of a scavenger’s haul. Every Squad needs a medic and I was happy to go. Two warriors ended up needing my skills. By the end of the mission we had retrieved more than enough supplies, parts galore and the two warriors that were injured walked into the Grove breathing happily.
It would have been a great day if the Chaplain hadn’t run up to me upon my arrival and told me about the Marshalls. About Regalla. About him. About his loss.
“Where is he?!” I asked frantically, looking past the elder for any signs of my best friend.
“They haven’t arrived yet. They had to perform the procedure on the road, they should be back tomorrow.”
I spent the night tossing and turning, thinking about the massacre, about Kotallo. The last Marshal. I wish I had been there. I wasn’t the greatest warrior, Ten knows I couldn’t have saved him from losing his arm, but at least I’d know that the injury would heal right. I didn’t know what medic had been taken along. I couldn’t shake what I knew to be misplaced guilt. This wasn’t on me. I knew that, deep down.
When the survivors arrived back at the Grove, I raced towards the temple to find him. He was unconscious and laying on a medical cot. Two healers fussed over him, muttering and arguing. I noticed Dekka and the Chief hovering as well, their concerned faces watching some of the Tenakth’s best healers at work. As I dashed forward, a strong hand grabbed my arm.
“They are doing the best they can,” Hekarro murmured.
“I should have a look,” I urged, looking back at Kotallo’s sleeping, yet pained, face.
“There is nothing you can change. He will live. They are now assessing how the wound will heal.”
I looked toward his arm. Where it had been torn away. The bandages were bloody, but it was dry. That was a good sign. I took a deep breath and stepped back with the Chief. He and Dekka were discussing the next moves for the tribe. I stopped listening as soon as the topic moved on from Kotallo and his injury. Soon enough the two healers walked away, after giving Kotallo an elixir to help with his pain. I walked over and knelt by him. I looked over the injury, the bloody stub looked clean enough, if not roughly sewn. And he didn’t seem to be in pain anymore. I brushed his forehead gently, my other hand holding his. That’s when his eyes opened slowly, groggily.
“Kotallo,” I breathed, “it’s okay.”
He frowned for a moment. He took in his surroundings, confusion leaving him slowly. He looked back at me and a warm smile spread over his face.
“It is good to see you.”
I smiled, “and you. How’s your pain?”
“Pain?”
I raised an eyebrow, “they make you Sky Clan tough didn’t they?” I indicated to his injury, “your pain, how is it?”
Kotallo looked at where I pointed and his entire demeanour changed. Within seconds he had sat up, cursed, wrenched his hand from mine and began to breath heavily.
“Kotallo it’s alright!” I tried to get him to lay down.
With a roar, he pushed me away, “GO!” he boomed.
“Kotallo! Let me help” I pleaded.
“You can’t help,” he gritted out, refusing to look at me, “go.”
That was weeks ago. But I relived his horrified face every night when I closed my eyes. I tried once more to see him, talk and comfort him. But he refused even to look at me, demanding I leave his lodgings. I tried not to let it hurt me. I am Tenakth. A mere argument shouldn’t bring tears to my eyes. However, an argument with Kotallo was different.
Kotallo and I met at his Kulrut. He had passed and became Marshal. He walked in on me tending to a contestant that hadn’t made it to Marshal. He told me he had wanted to check she was alright. I told him of her injuries, how she’d make a full recovery and be out in battle in no time. The second time we spoke was when he hauled a soldier to my tent and laid him on the medic cot. He helped me keep the warrior laying down while I treated the wounds. It was that day, both of us covered in blood (that was not our own) that we truly became friends.
Ever since, the only time we were apart was for missions. Being a Marshal, Kotallo was away a lot, tending to the Chief’s orders. Or I’d be out with a Squad, aiding any fallen soldiers.. But when we were both at the Grove at the same time, we were inseparable. We trained together. Ate together. Hunted together. Sometimes when I drank a little too much ale, he’d carry my bed and stay the night in my lodgings making sure I wouldn’t be alone when I woke up with a major headache. He always managed to handle his ale better than me, the bastard.
Slowly, over the years, I grew to care for Kotallo in a stronger way. I wanted more. I found myself looking when he would clean himself up after a vigorous round of training. Or eyeing his muscled torso as I bandaged him up. I even sometimes pretended to be drunk just so he’d carry me to bed and stay the night. His presence brought me a sense of peace. I never told him. or anyone, in fact. My new, growing, feelings for Kotallo didn’t hinder our friendship. Did I find myself wondering if he felt the same way? Of course. But I’d never risk it. His friendship meant more to me than anything else. By the Ten, I’d happily lay down my life for that man any day.
That’s why the last few weeks have stung so bad. Especially when I could not understand my fault in it. All I wanted was to help him. Now he avoided me like I had personally cut his arm off! Every time I entered the mess hall, he’d leave. Every time I was training and he’d walk in, he walked straight back out. I wanted to know about his injury. I wanted to know if he was in pain and if there was anything I could do to help.
Today though… Today I woke up mad. I’d had enough. I wasn’t feeling sorry, or caring or worried. I felt the dangerous bubble of anger burst inside me. I got up, only dressed in my tunic, pants and trousers, and marched towards his lodgings. I stopped at the door, taking a deep breath. I wanted to make him angry. So I closed my fist, about to bang on the door when I heard a stifled sob. I paused mid-air. Curiously, I pressed my ear to the door and heard it again. Was he… crying?
“Kotallo?” I asked.
There was a pause, before the sounds of heavy footfalls. Kotallo heaved the door open, his tall frame mighty and imposing. He looked down at me with anger in his dark eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
The idea of Kotallo crying left me. The anger was back and in full force.
“I came here to yell at you, to demand a reason. Actually, no. I don’t want a reason. Because I don’t care! I just want to tell you how mad, how angry you’ve made me. I want you to feel as bad as I feel!” I yelled.
He glared at me, “well? Are you done?”
“No, because I-” I finally caught a glimpse of his stub, and it did not look good, “oh Kotallo… does it hurt?”
My anger washed away as his own defensiveness disappeared, his eyes glazed with tears. I watched as he gulped, nodding slowly.
“Want me to have a look?”
He didn’t speak. Kotallo stepped away from the door and walked back to his cot. I walked in and shut the door behind me. The morning sun shining through the window was enough to see what was causing him to cry. When the medics had wrapped his arm they got part of the bandage caught in the stitch.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?” I breathed, edging closer to examine him.
Kotallo gritted his teeth and watched wearily as I walked over, “it wasn’t so bad at first.”
“At first, no. May I?” I knelt before him, when he nodded, I touched around the stitches and he winced, “I can fix this Kotallo. I can make the pain go away.”
His eyes met mine, “p-please.”
I nodded and turned away, “I’ll be right back, I promise.”
I raced out back to my room and found my freshly cleaned medic kit. I made a habit of keeping a fresh one on me just in case. Thank the Ten, because otherwise I’d have to walk into the Grove in just my underthings.
“Okay,” I panted and closed the door, “this might pinch, but after I cut it away, the pain should go immediately,” I promised, taking my position in front of him again.
Kotallo remained silent as I worked. I felt his gaze on me as I cleaned around the stitch. As I reached for my tools I felt his hand graze my temple gently, moving my hair from my face. I froze for a moment, not daring to look up. I gulped and turned back to the stitch. With two easy cuts, the bandage was free. I heard Kotallo sigh in relief.
“Not over yet, I need to stitch these two back. I just need a better angle,” I stuck my tongue between my teeth and stood up.
That’s when I made the mistake of locking eyes with him. Kotallo was looking at me with an expression I didn’t recognise. His eyes darker than usual, lips slightly parted. I ignored the fluttering in my stomach and pushed him back against the wall so he faced one end of the bed. I sat opposite him, the lighting better with the window behind me. I leant forward and started fixing the stitches carefully.
“Aaaaaand done! How does that feel?” I asked with a triumphant smile.
Kotallo seemed to regret looking away from me, his face tightened as he gazed down at me at my work, “better. I-I can barely feel anything now. Thank you”.
“You should have told someone about the pain, Kotallo.”
“It didn’t hurt at first,” he looked back at me earnestly, “and when it started, I spoke to one of the healers. She told me that it was going to hurt no matter what.”
I growled, “that isn’t how healing works. I want her name, who is she?”
He shrugged, “Sinra, or something of the like. When she told me that I thought it was just me. I felt ashamed. Even more than after losing my arm.”
I sighed, “you should have come to me, Kotallo.”
He chuckled darkly, “that would have made it all worse.”
I felt my chest ache, in anger and sadness, “why?!” I demanded.
“Because… I didn’t want you to see me so weak. I didn’t want you to think of me as an injured man, in pain.”
“Kotallo I am a medic, a healer. It’s my job. I’ve stitched you up before. How is this different?”
He closed his eyes, “because you could fix those injuries. You can’t- no one can fix this one. I maimed, I am weak in the eyes of our people. And I couldn’t stand the idea of you of all people, looking at my with pity.”
My heart could have shattered then and there, “Kotallo,” tears sprang to my eyes as I reached out and cupped his face with my hands, “I would never pity you. Never be ashamed of you. You are my greatest, dearest friend.”
He gently pulled my hands away, holding them both in his one hand, “T-that is another problem. I-I don’t want that. I don’t want you to think of me as your friend, anymore. Not for a long time. I… planned on telling you after the Embassy. I wanted to come home to you with a victory for the Tenakth. And in a prideful moment, sweep you into my arms and…” he trailed off, eyes staring into mine.
“Kotallo… I… I didn’t think you felt the same.”
His eyes widened, “you mean… it doesn’t matter. I am less now. I am not the warrior, the man, I was. Whatever your feelings for me were have now surely changed.”
“I didn’t think they made them so stupid in the Sky Clan?” I teased.
Kotallo raised an eyebrow but before he could argue I leant forward and kissed him. It was only a small kiss, enough to get him to shut up and understand my feelings. I leant back and was about to tease him even more, but he didn’t give me the chance. Kotallo’s strong hand held my face and he pulled me to him. His hot lips caused goose bumps to rise over my skin. I felt a shiver down my spine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, he took this as a good sign and deepened the kiss. I felt his tongue against my bottom lip. I let him pass and soon I was lost in his taste. His hand travelled from my face, down my neck and side until he cupped my ass and pulled me onto his lap.
“Kotallo,” I moaned, feeling his cock straining under his pants.
“Tell me to stop,” he panted, kissing my jaw, my neck, “and I will. Tell me you don’t want this and we will step away. Continue our fri-”
“Don’t you dare,” I whined, pushing down on him and causing him to groan with want.
I wiggled a little more, trying to get some delicious friction. He growled and pushed me back. He crawled above me, I reached out and brushed my fingertips over his shoulders, his chest and finally over the trail of hair leading down. Kotallo knelt above me, thick thighs keeping mine from moving as he got to work removing my clothing. I sat up as much as I could and returned the favour.
“I always wondered,” his hot breath on my neck, “what you would look like under your armour. What beauty hides beneath.”
I was naked and wanton beneath him, lifting my hips to try and gain some friction, “Kotallo p-please.”
He ignored me. Instead he leant back and undid his loincloth. I gasped at the size of him.
“I’m guessing that’s a good reaction?” he chuckled before descending onto me again.
His fingers delved lower until they pressed against that bundle of nerves. Causing me to whine loudly. He smirked and kissed me as his fingers worked me over. I was so lost in the kiss I didn’t realise how close I was before letting go completely. I came with his name on my lips. I closed my eyes and felt his fingers at my entrance. The sound of my pleasure on his fingers was lewd but oh so hot.
“You’re so wet,” he murmured, kissing below my ear, “are you sure you want this?”
I nodded, “please. I-I’ve wanted you for so long.”
“How long?”
“Long enough to know that if you don’t start soon then I’ll leave and do it myself!”
He barked a loud and raspy laugh, I had missed the sound. His thick finger entered me, I squirmed at the sensation. It wasn’t long that he added a second, his arm moving up and down rapidly. I felt a tightening in my belly, I was so close. Right at the edge, he stopped.
“What? Why?” I cried.
“Becaus,e” he lined his length with my heat and smirked, “if I’m going to be pulling so much pleasure out of you, I want to feel it on my cock.”
My snarky comeback was drowned in a mix of moans and pants as he snapped his hips. Kotallo didn’t wait for me to adjust, he began pounding immediately. I clung onto his back as he fucked me. Kotallo adjusted his arm so he was closer to me, leaning on his forearm. I rose up and caught his lips, kissing him through the little gasps of ecstasy escaping my mouth. He took control of the kiss and bit my bottom lips. I cried out at the same time as he somehow reached deeper inside of me.
“K-Kotallo I-I need to-”
“Then do it,” he panted, thrusting starting to get sloppy, “cum for me, now.”
I closed my eyes and called out his name as a violent wave of heat washed over me. The cord that had been tightening inside me snapped. I was floating. I could barely tell that Kotallo was still going. Only when he started talking did I come back to the room.
“W-where, where?” he grunted.
It took me a moment to realise what he was talking about, “oh! Oh, inside me, please. I-I’m taking th-the h-herbs,” I panted in sync with him as I came down from my high.
With a roar Kotallo came. His warmth spilled into me as he practically collapsed on top of me. We stayed like that for a while. I rubbed his sweaty back soothingly as he caught his breath. He moved himself so he could look down at me. I felt his cock twitch inside me as he pulled out. Kotallo brought me up and swapped our positions so I was laying on his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Sorry?”
“For yelling at you, avoiding you. It was shameful of me. I was scared of my own feelings, my own insecurities. If you hadn’t come here to confront me… maybe this would never have happened.”
“Oh don’t worry. I’m still mad at you but… as long as we can keep doing this, I think I’ll find a way to forgive you.”
He laughed and pulled me to him, hugging me tight as we both let the warm haze of the room lull us into a morning sleep.