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"Please do this, for me," Dr. Finn said. "In a relationship I want to feel... I want to feel loved."
The wavering bright reflections of candlelight in her eyes, the lean of her torso against the dinner table linen, and the strain in her voice showed signs that she was attempting not to cry. Isaac did not anticipate this conversation or emotional response to his decision not to pursue further inquiry into Dr. Villka's procedure for a Kaylon to have emotions similar to a biological lifeform.
Perhaps Isaac did need to experience emotions, after all. It was a missing variable that he could never predict in all his interactions with biologicals, even after years of careful study and observation. Perhaps undergoing the procedure developed by Dr. Villka would be analogous to installing a separate processor that could perform emotional calculations more quickly and accurately. Currently he spent an inordinate amount of computational power observing body language, faces, words, tone, and cross-checking those data inputs against prior experiences, only to find he missed a variable, yet again.
After dinner with Dr. Finn, Isaac approached Timmis and Dr. Villka in the lab. The biologicals on board, even Ensign Burke, appeared to tolerate Timmis more than Isaac, even though they were both Kaylon. They preferred the Kaylon with emotions. Dr. Finn had the same reaction as the crew, a preference for emotions.
If having emotions would ensure his future relationship with Dr. Finn, he had little choice.
"Is there something I can do for you?" Dr. Villka asked.
"Yes," Isaac said.
#
Isaac felt wrong.
He had no frame of reference to predict what this experience would be like, but he.... did not like it.
He paced around the usual table in the simulation room where he dined with Claire. The simulated restaurant guests were relaxed and happy. The music from the band made Isaac feel good somehow, though he didn't yet know how to describe it. However, it was the only thing that felt good. When he looked at Claire's empty seat at their usual table, he felt... angry.
He had to see Claire. Dr. Finn. It felt difficult to contact her, but he did. "Please come to dinner," he said.
"Isaac, is everything all right?" Claire asked. Concerned. Curious.
"I have to see you," Isaac said. "Please."
"I'll be right there," she said.
Isaac continued pacing while he waited. He was nervous as well as angry. He had unpleasant things to say to Claire. She would be upset. Now he knew what that was like.
Claire entered the simulated restaurant and frowned as she slowly approached him. "Isaac, what's the matter? You have emotions now, don't you?" She was glad and also worried. A strange combination.
He also felt a strange combination of emotions. "I love you, Claire," he said. It was the strongest thing he felt the moment she entered the room. A rush of sensation. "I love you."
Claire took his hands, she smiled but was still concerned. "I love you, too," she said. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"
Isaac held her hands. "I knew I did not want to undergo the procedure," he said. "I feel love for you, Claire. However, I also feel resentment that you forced me into becoming someone I am not. Ironically having emotions allowed me to understand my 'gut' feeling regarding this matter for what it was. I was uncomfortable, and it was for good reason."
"Isaac...." Claire took his face between her hands. "It means everything to me that you were willing to do this."
"I believe that your request was essentially blackmail, that I must go through with this or else our relationship will end," Isaac said. "I feel like an entirely different person now. Must I be an entirely different person if we are to be together?"
It hurt to see Claire upset by his words. However, he felt better having said them.
Claire nodded slowly, and reached down to take his hands again. "I'm sorry. You're right, I didn't realize how drastic of a change this would be. If you don't like it, let's go to Dr. Villka to reverse it. You're right, this was too much to ask." She hugged him. "I hope you can forgive me."
"I hope so, too," Isaac said.
#
The following day, Isaac visited Dr. Finn in her quarters. Marcus and Ty were "out."
"How are you... doing?" Dr. Finn asked. "Here, sit down."
Isaac did so. It made Dr. Finn sit down and relax the tension in her muscles when she did.
"I find myself preoccupied with the experience, but Dr. Villka was able to fully reverse the procedure," Isaac said.
"I'm so sorry I asked you to do that, Isaac," Dr. Finn said.
"Your apology is accepted," Isaac said.
Dr. Finn looked at him for a long moment. Her eyes appeared to be conducting a scan of his face plate. "I was thinking," she said, "It wasn't like you haven't had emotions all along. Your... feelings for me must have been present before that."
"Correct," Isaac said. "I was merely expressing 'feelings' I already had in terms more compatible with biological expectations. If I did not already love you, I could not have felt that emotion so strongly."
Dr. Finn leaned against him. "That's enough for me."
Isaac would monitor future relationship interactions to determine if that was truly "enough."