Chapter Text
“I’m sorry.”
He remembered choking the words up. Forcing them past the blood and bile filling his lungs. The words burned coming out, felt gargled and slurred but he had needed to say them.
They were good last words. Solid. Covered all the bases. He was sorry, he wasn’t a good enough son for his mom to stick around. Sorry for being a shitty brother for years. Sorry for being a massive jerk overall. Sorry, he got possessed by a giant monster. Sorry, he killed a bunch of people. Sorry, he attacked Max and her friends. Sorry, Max had to watch him die. Sorry, he was leaving her alone in that house. Just Sorry.
They were, in Billy’s opinion, the perfect last words. He didn’t have anything else to say.
But then by some sick twist of fate, Billy didn’t die. Getting stabbed all over by some giant mind-controlling monster didn’t do him in. Instead- according to Max- a bunch of people who apparently knew all about the so-called Mindflayer swooped in and brought him to a private military base where they saved Billy’s life.
They called it a miracle.
Billy called it penance.
Dying would have been too easy. Dying would have meant that Billy never had to face what he did. Wouldn’t have to wake up every morning and think about the people he brought into the monster's lair. Wouldn’t have to go to sleep hearing them beg for their lives. Between the guilt and the scars, Billy didn’t think the pain of dying was ever going to fade. He was always going to feel the burn of skin ripping apart, of chemical dosed human goo impaling him, of choking on his own blood.