Work Text:
Converting a service station that has been abandoned for at least 40 years into a functioning base camp, turned out to be a lot harder to do than it sounds. Especially when one of the members of the team is a germaphobe alien who insists on going back over every surface to make sure that his human companions did, in fact, clean it properly. Another setback arose when they discovered that Gaz had brought what she called “the minimum” of her gaming station which included a massive TV and two game consoles along with her favorite games so that she would be able to play them offline.
The operation started with packing away anything salvageable that was left in the convenience store: medical supplies, cleaning products, personal hygiene products, twinkies, etc. Next was the cleaning which seemed to never end. Especially once they started trying to equip the station with the technology to route Zim’s computer throughout the base. Zim kept getting distracted by both tasks, not trusting Gaz or Dib to handle the computer installation but also finding little spots of dirt everywhere that he insisted on cleaning himself.
However, Dib found himself longing for Zim’s annoying cleaning habits when he finally settled into setting up the computer and getting the electricity working throughout the base. Gaz and Zim, both only a few classes away from completing their degrees in engineering - Gaz having dropped out to save the world, and Zim having been kicked out because the university finally caught on that he’d never really been accepted - had annoying bonded over their technical skills and love of making fun of Dib. Not that Dib wasn't skilled with technology, but he had his limitations.
Especially compared to Gaz who had not only been hacking and manipulating technology to optimize her gameplay since she was about 7, but was also actually a clone of software and robotics engineering genius Dr. Gabriel Membrane. Despite the shock of finding out that Gaz was a clone of his mother rather than his actual blood sister, it also explained a lot. Cloning genetics were a little different from normal human genetics, which meant that, while Dib had inherited a percentage of his mothers aptitude for programming and technical problem solving, Gaz had inherited all of it.
Which would have been great if she didn’t also love giving Dib shit for not being as good at it. And if Zim didn’t also love giving Dib shit for being inferior.
“So how’s that spook-ology degree treating you now, Mothman?” Gaz asked after instantly finding the solution to an issue that Dib had been working on for an hour.
“Hey, I know my way around all this alien tech.” Dib insisted. “I’ve been working with Zim’s stupid Irken equipment for years! I could totally be helping with the tech stuff.”
“yeah?” Gaz smirked, “Come check this out. Can you get through this?”
“Ummm…” Dib narrowed his eyes at the firewall she was showing him. “Er, give me a second…”
“Too late.” Gaz pulled the computer back, effortlessly typing in the codes. Zim laughed for at least a straight minute, actually rolling around on the floor and pointing at Dib. He laughed hard enough that Gif started giggling as well.
“It wasn’t that funny.” Dib said in annoyance.
Zim gasped for air. “It is!” He gasped, wiping a tear from his eye. “B-because you spent all that time! Double majoring! In useless subjects!”
Dib sighed. “I hate you guys.” He grumbled storming out of the station to go back to organizing the salvage they found.
* * * * *
The next big struggle, after the cleaning, was assigning rooms. They had been sleeping in the car and the Voot while the cleaning process was still going on, but the garage was significantly hotter than the station and everyone was eager to figure out a more permanent sleeping situation. The station was pretty big; there was an employee break room that could be used for storage and would be a good place to set up a lab. They could take the stuff from the kitchenette, an old microwave, a hot plate, and a table with a couple of chairs and move them to the main store area which everyone agreed would be where they would set up a kitchen and communal living area. That was also where they would set up Gaz’s game consoles and TV. The real problem was converting the two offices into bedrooms and deciding who would have to share a room.
“Remind me again,” Dib said in annoyance, “Why does Gir get his own room?”
“The radio room is too small to be used for anything else,” Gaz said, pointing out the room in the makeshift plans they had drawn up. “Also there’s only one way in or out and I think we all agreed that no one wants to feel trapped in their bedroom. The whole room is basically a large closet.”
“And Gir has set his little metal heart on fixing up that radio tower,” Zim grumbled, “if we take it away from him, you will have to deal with his screeching.” He crossed his arms, looking at them superiorly. “The answer to the problem is obvious. The human siblings have lived together all their lives, they can stand to share a room. Zim needs space away. My own space away from human eyes.”
“Yeah, the night I share a room with Dib will be the last night he's alive.” Gaz huffed, “Zim you can have your ‘space away from human eyes’ in the Voot. The obvious solution is for you two to share a room. I can take the smaller room that connects with Gir’s.”
“Why is that the obvious solution?” Dib huffed in annoyance.
Gaz raised an eyebrow. “I mean, haven’t you two been sharing a bed for like, the last week?”
Dib’s cheeks felt warm. “Well, yeah, out of convenience. I wouldn't call the floor of the Voot cruiser a bed though.”
“There. Obvious solution. Boys with boys, Girls with robots.” Gaz shrugged. “Cool Zim?”
Zim had been uncharacteristically quiet for this part of the discussion. He almost jumped when Gaz addressed him. “Er… Yes! I Believe can handle sharing a space with your human stink. Just stay far away from me.”
“Great, that’s settled.” Dib said with a sigh.
* * * * *
Once the station was cleaned, the computer set up, and the bedrooms established (which may or may not have involved abducting furniture from a department store so they could have clean beds), it was finally time to figure out what the hell they were going to do about saving the world.
“We are not blowing up membrane labs!” Dib insisted for what felt like the 100th time.
“Why not?” Zim retorted. “That would stop production, distribution, and minimize the chance of them being able to start up again for a long time.”
“It’s killing people, Zim ! Innocent people!”
“Yeah?” Zim blinked, indifferent.
“What do you mean ’yeah’?” It was all Dib could do to keep from yelling.
“Yeah, people are going to die.” Zim shrugged, “we’re at war, Dib-smell, that’s what happens in war. You’re terrible at this.”
“IT'S NOT WAR!” Dib surpassed yelling and went right to shrieking in frustration. “WE ARE TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD! TO SAVE PEOPLE! WITH AS FEW CASUALTIES AS POSSIBLE!!”
“WELL ZIM HAS ONLY BEEN TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD FOR TWO DAYS!” Zim shouted jumping to his feet “SAVING HUMANS IS NOT A PRIORITY THAT ZIM IS USED TO HAVING TO CONSIDER!”
“Fuck! I leave you two alone for two minutes and you start screaming at each other!” Gaz said in annoyance as she came back from the bathroom.
“Zim is a fucking ghoul!” Dib shouted in irritation. “His solution is to blow everything up no matter who dies in the process.”
“Yeah, it’s Zim .” Gaz said, “what did you expect? He just went from destroying the world to saving the world in like a week, cut him some slack.”
“Thank you, Gus!” Zim sat back down with a huff.
“Why are you taking his side?” Dib’s voice was getting weirdly high.
“I’m not, I’m just saying-“
“I FOUND POOP!!!”
The three all looked around at the little robot who had just run into the room with a case of beer.
Zim sighed. “No, Gir. That’s not poop. It’s human crazy drinks. And they are old and nasty.”
“Aww,” Gir pouted, a look of disappointment washing over his face. He dropped the case and ran back out of the room to look for more.
Gaz was looking at the case of beer with a raised eyebrow. “I mean… alcohol doesn’t really go bad. Could defuse some of the tension.”
Dib glared at her. “Or it could make it worse.”
Gaz had already cracked open a bottle on the mettle table. “Oh, relax,” she said with a smirk, handing him the bottle and getting another. “We’re just brainstorming, it’ll be fine.”
She handed a bottle to Zim, but he didn’t take it. “Eh… I don’t think so, Zim doesn’t need to try the human poison drink.”
“What, you’ve never had a drink before?” Gaz smirked, “you get invited to any parties when you were in college?”
“Zim does not feel the need to be included in the social gatherings of pathetic human pups!”
“Yeah, well you’re included now.” She lightly bopped the bottle against his head. “Human rite of passage. Peer pressure to drink at parties. Come on, Zim. Welcome to team Earth.”
Zim narrowed his eyes. “Just because I’m working with you doesn’t mean that I am joining your ‘team Earth’”
“I FOUND MOOOOOORE!!!” Gir ran in with another case of some kind of booze. It was hard to read the label but it looked like it had some kind of fruit on it.
Gaz put the beer down and opened one of the fruity drinks. She sniffed at it and took a sip. “Fuck, this tastes like… strawberry syrup and sugar.”
Zim perked up a little. “Oh, I’ll try that.” He took the bottle and took a hesitant sip, smacking his lips thoughtfully, then pointed to the case of the fruity drink. “This belongs to Zim now.”
* * * * *
About an hour, four beers, and three fruity drinks later, Dib was still milking his first drink while Gaz was getting a nice buzz going. Zim was drunk.
“‘Cause that’ll take to loooong!” Zim insisted, banging his fist on the table. “We neeeeed solutions NOW!”
“I’m not letting you bomb the lab!” Dib insisted. “We are looking for minimum casualties! Minimum or, even better, none !”
“Fine!” Zim gestured dramatically, “We don’t blow up the lab! The drugs are gunna need to be transported somehow ! So we blow up the.. Transporter-y things.”
“The Trucks?” Dib huffed, “that’s still risking innocent people, Zim! We can’t just-”
“Actually, targeting the trucks is a pretty good idea.” Gaz said thoughtfully.
“Yes! Thank you, human female!”
“Gaz!” Dib was incredulous.
“I mean, we are kinda at war, Dib.” Gaz shrugged, “I’m just saying, you wanna make an omelet, yo have to crack a few eggs.”
“And if you want to save the world you have to kill some people.” Zim added, “Or at least horribly mame them.”
Dib stared open mouthed. “Are you kidding me right now!” his voice was getting shrieky again.”
“Woo! I like exploding!!” Gir giggled.
“HA!” Zim pointed a gloved claw into Dib’s chest. “There you have it, Dib-Stink! You lose! You have been outvoted! We begin work to destroy the drug trucks tomorrow!”
“Gir doesn’t get a vote!” Dib was on his feet again. “He’s a chaotic, destructive, robotic force of doom with the attention span of a meth addicted squirrel!!!”
“I LIKE SQUIRRELS!!!!”
“See!”
“I still have Gus’s vote!” Zim shouted standing on the chair with a foot dramatically poised on the table. “VICTORY FOR ZIM!”
Dib sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe you guys.”
Gaz finished her beer opening another one. “Come on, Dib. Don’t be a party pooper.”
“A party pooper?!” Dib shouted, “ I’m a party pooper? Because I don’t want to kill innocent people?”
“Oh, who the fuck really is innocent, Dib-shit.” Gaz said, taking a swig from her beer.
“HA!” Zim laughed loudly for a long time. “HA HA HA hehe ah… I like the Dib-sister. Why did we never hang out before?”
“Maybe because you were always trying to kill her brother and wipe out her species?”
“Hey, if I’m actually a clone doesn’t that technically make me not human?” Gaz asked thoughtfully. “Cause that would be cool. I hate people.”
Zim was laughing so hard now he almost fell out of his chair. Dib huffed in annoyance. “I can’t believe that the fate of the world depends on me and you two..”
Zim calmed down a bit, sitting up to look at Dib. “ya know what Dib , you are worse than a party pooper. You just kill the party. Like fackin’ posin. Poison to the party. That’s what you are Dib! You’re A party poison !”
Gaz was laughing while Dib glared. “Yeah? Well you’re a fucking Ghual!”
“At least he’s a Fun ghoul.” Gaz smirked, offering a high-five to Zim.
“HA!” Zim laughed again, high-fiving Gaz. “I am a fun ghoul.”
“I hate that you two are getting along.” Dib said in annoyance.
“THAT'S YOUR SUPERHERO NAME!!”
Dib looked at the little robot who was pointing to him in excitement. “What?”
“Party poison!” Gir said excitedly. Then pointed to Zim. “And FUN GHOUL!”
Gaz thought for a moment looking at Dib. “Actually, that is a kinda cool code name.”
Dib looked at her and Zim, annoyed. “So my code name is basically just a comment on the fact that I’m not fun at parties?”
“Ha! Yes!” Zim barked triumphantly. “And my name clearly announces my superiority! As the FUN Ghoul!”
Dib sighed and rolled his eyes looking at Gaz when she spoke next. “I think I’ll be Kobra Kid.” She said thoughtfully.
“Kobra Kid? Why?” She shrugged and sipped her beer. “It sounds cool.”
“AND I’M!!!!!” Gir paused. “TACO STAR!!!”
“I thought you were Desert DJ Dr. Death Defying?” Zim raised a nonexistent eyebrow at his robot minion.
“Oh yeaaaah…” Gir paused a moment then brightened again. “I be both!”
“How about Jet Star?” Gaz suggested.
“OKAY!!!!”
“Dr Death is his DJ name. Jet Star can be his code name.” Gaz suggested patting the robot indulgently.
“Why would we need code names?” Dib grumbled. “Everyone already knows who we are and thinks we’re terrorists.”
“They don't necessarily know me.” Gaz shrugged, “Dad may still not realize I'm gone. We’ll see if we need code names and use them if we do.”
Zim stood up and stretched. “I think this has been a wonderfully productive planning session! We have code names and such and we begin destroying the trucks and conducting our research for our long term plans tomorrow !” He took a step, immediately losing his balance and falling on his face.
Dib sighed. “Well, I guess it’s a start.” He caught his balance on the side of the table then crouched down and scooped Zim into his arms to carry him to bed.
“Unhand Zim, Stink-beast!” Zim shouted, feebly clawing at Dib’s chest.
“You’re going to bed, Zim.” Dib sighed, “goodnight, ‘Kobra Kid.’”
“Goodnight, Party Poison.” Gaz leaned back in her chair, admiring how the station looked after all their hard work as she finished her beer.
“ GIR!! THE HUMANS HAVE POISONED ME! FETCH ME THE BUCKEEEEET!!!!”
Gir hopped off his chair and skipped off towards Zim’s room. Gaz smirked hearing Dib yelling at Zim. Standing up, she made her way to her own room to go to bed as well.