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Ruby carries drinks over to where Emma and Regina are sitting discussing how to solve the latest Storybrooke crisis. “They’re on the house,” she says.
“Thanks!” says Emma, taking a gulp of hers. Regina looks at Ruby, waiting.
“I spoke to Elsa. After telling her I was a werewolf I eventually got her to admit why she keeps accidentally freezing things,” says Ruby, taking a seat. “It turns out she’s into Mulan and freaks out whenever she sees her, because relationships between women aren’t allowed in her realm.”
“How do the free drinks fit into this?” Regina asks.
“I kind of told Elsa you and Emma are dating,” Ruby confesses.
Emma starts laughing nervously, because she doesn’t know how else to react. Ruby can’t seriously expect Emma to pretend to date Regina, there’s no way that won’t end up in her son’s other mother wanting to kill her.
“You need to go along with it,” Ruby implores. “If Elsa sees no one has an issue with the two of you being together then hopefully she’ll realise her own feelings are okay.”
Emma is dumbfounded when Regina agrees.
“Why us?” asks Emma. “Why not two people more likely, such as Archie and Leroy, or Granny and Blue?”
“Is the idea of dating me really so risible?” asks Regina, already looking like she wants to kill Emma before the relationship’s even started.
“No!” says Emma, trying to back pedal. “It’s just unexpected. I need to get my head around it.”
“Well get your head around it quickly,” says Regina. “Or find another way to stop the ice princess from freezing anything or anyone she sees in the vicinity of Mulan.” Regina poofs herself away, leaving Emma and Ruby sitting there.
Emma lowers her head to the table. “Now Regina’s pissed at me again, and it’s your fault,” she mutters loudly.
“Sorry,” says Ruby, not sounding sorry. “You and Regina were the most plausible couple I could think of. Granny’s convinced the two of you are hooking up in secret, she’s made a bet about it with Leroy.”
“Granny’s what?!” exclaims Emma raising her head to stare at Ruby, unsure what is the most disturbing aspect of that statement.
“Shouldn’t you be going to make up with your new girlfriend?” says Ruby, deflecting. “You don’t want the relationship getting off on the wrong foot.”
***
Emma turns up at Mifflin Street with flowers, doing her best to look contrite. “I’m sorry,” she says when Regina answers the doors. “I wasn’t making fun of you, or upset by the idea of people thinking we were dating. I’m flattered that Ruby thought I could be with you, you’re out of my league. It’s just I’ve never considered even pretending to date a woman before. I’m straight.”
“Oh,” says Regina looking stunned, as if Emma having the same sexuality as around ninety percent of the population is a surprise. Like Emma needs another way in which to be an outsider.
“It’s okay though,” says Emma to ease the tension when Regina fails to say anything further. “We can pretend to date. You’re basically the best looking person in Storybrooke, it won’t be that hard to act like I’m attracted to you.”
“You’re going to have to stay over at least a couple of times a week, we can’t have Elsa seeing you going home to your parents every night when you could be in my bed,” Regina says. “But don’t worry you won’t actually be in my bed, you can sleep in the guest room,” she concludes and Emma’s gut twists with what must be relief.
That evening they inform Henry of the plan. He just says “cool” and returns his attention to the video game he is playing. Emma asks if he has any questions.
“No, it makes perfect sense. My two Moms are in a relationship with each other, it’s actually pretty standard when people have two mothers.”
“But you get that this is fake? Regina and I are both straight,” Emma says, and Regina glares at her.
“What?!” objects Emma. “We already discussed this.”
“No,” says Regina slowly like she is talking to a child. “We discussed the fact that you are straight.”
“Mom’s bi,” Henry informs her helpfully.
“Oh,” says Emma because she doesn’t dare say anything else.
***
“Thank you for sharing this part of your identity with us,” Snow says, her eyes shining with sincerity when Emma tells her parents. “You know we love you no matter what.”
“I’m not actually into women, Regina and I are just pretending to be in a relationship for the sake of the town,” Emma clarifies. She had got Regina’s permission to tell her parents the truth, informing Regina that she didn’t want to lie to them about her sexuality. Regina had raised an eyebrow at that, but agreed.
“Of course sweetheart,” Snow says in response to Emma explaining she is straight. “As long as you know we would support you if you did date Regina.”
The following day Snow is wearing an ‘I love my gay daughter’ enamel pin, which she claims when questioned is just to help Elsa feel comfortable to be herself.
***
“Why is no one even a little bit surprised that I’m dating a woman?” Emma moans to Mulan a few days later. “Everyone’s just congratulated us on our relationship. Except Hook. I thought telling him I was with Regina would get him to back off, but he insists that I’ll soon come to my senses and realise I want a man,” Emma pulls a face.
“Did you think I was gay?” Emma goes on to ask.
“At first I did,” Mulan replies. “but once I realised you thought I was straight I knew you were too heteronormative to have ever questioned your own sexuality.”
“You had a male love interest in the animation!” Emma points out in her defence. "Anyway, I hope you’re grateful for what I’m doing for you by pretending to date Regina.”
“You like spending time with Regina, and now you’ve got an excuse to spend even more time with her. Is it that terrible if you have to kiss her sometimes?” Mulan says.
“There’s not been any kissing!” Emma protests, uncertain how she feels about that fact. There has been some hand holding though and that’s been pretty great. Regina’s hands are soft and beautiful and they fit perfectly into Emma’s. She wishes platonic hand-holding was more of a thing so that it could continue once Elsa’s got control of her feelings.
Mulan’s right, spending more time with Regina has been good, Regina’s one of Emma’s favorite people. She’s intelligent, has a dry sense of humor and a softer side when she lets her guard down which few people get to see. The way Regina smiles at Emma sometimes makes everything feel easier. When Emma gets to stay in the guest room and stumble downstairs to breakfast with Regina and their son the next morning she feels like she belongs. Even though it’s not real this is by far the best relationship Emma has ever had, she’s in no rush for it to be over.
Nethertheless, the fake dating appears to have had a positive effect on Elsa. She enjoys quizzing Emma and Regina about their relationship and attraction to each other, and Emma’s found it doesn’t take much stretch of her imagination to come up with answers to most of the questions. One time Mulan comes into the diner whilst Elsa is talking to Emma. The glass Elsa is holding freezes when Mulan smiles at her, but it’s a significant improvement from her freezing Marian during her first week in Storybrooke.
***
Emma and Regina’s charade continues to go well, Emma enjoys getting to sit with her arm round Regina whenever they are out, although sometimes the way the other woman leans into her neck is very distracting. Emma does think that for the purpose of being convincing she and Regina really should kiss on occasion, it’s not like Regina’s against PDAs, Emma saw her sucking face with Robin Hood often enough. Emma’s not going to be the one who suggests it though, at least she doesn’t intend to be until one evening at Regina’s when she’s had too much to drink.
“If we’re girlfriends, shouldn’t we kiss?” Emma says, hoping she’s not slurring any words.
“We’re fake girlfriends for Elsa’s benefit and Elsa’s not here,” Regina points out.
“Not now,” says Emma. “I mean when we see Elsa, so she doesn’t think we’re faking it. But maybe we should practice now.”
“You’re drunk,” says Regina. “I’m not going to kiss you now just for you to remind me that you’re straight when you sober up.”
“So you’d kiss me if I was sober?” asks Emma.
“If you were sober and not straight then maybe,” says Regina, and Emma realises she might not be the only one whose had too much to drink.
“How am I meant to find out if I’m not straight if you won’t kiss me?” Emma asks, convinced that she has a winning argument.
“That’s really not my problem.”
***
A couple of nights later and Emma goes to the Rabbit Hole with Mulan, before turning up at Regina’s, drunk.
“What are you doing here?” asks Regina. “You said you were sleeping at the loft tonight.”
“Mulan wouldn’t kiss me,” Emma tells her. “She said she wasn’t going to risk being frozen by Elsa if she found out, or murdered by my girlfriend. I pointed out that you were only my pretend girlfriend and that you didn’t murder people any more but she still wouldn’t kiss me.”
Regina looks like she’s thinking of taking up murder again. “Why were you trying to kiss Mulan?”
“Because I’m trying to work out whether or not I’m really straight and you won’t kiss me.”
“For fuck’s sake!” Regina hisses. She grabs hold of Emma’s jacket and kisses her fiercely, biting down on Emma’s lower lip, then pulling her head back by the hair and nipping at her neck, before returning to kissing Emma aggressively on the mouth again. Eventually she releases the blonde.
“Well?” asks Regina, glaring at her.
“Ungh,” says Emma unable to say anything comprehensible now her brain has short circuited. Regina sends her to the guest room.
Emma lies in bed trying to work out what it all means: for her sexuality, and for her friendship with Regina, until exhaustion causes her to fall asleep. The next morning Emma heads down to the kitchen with a mixture of hope and trepidation, but Regina just asks her if she has a hangover and passes her painkillers with her breakfast. There is no mention of the kiss, so Emma doesn’t mention it either.
***
Emma scowls at Mulan next time they’re in the station together.
“What failure of you to function like a sensible adult are you blaming me for now?” Mulan asks her.
“You wouldn’t kiss me to help me figure out whether I was really straight, so Regina kissed me instead and now she’s acting like nothing happened.”
“Did you work out whether or not you were straight?” Mulan asks.
“Yeah, it turns out I’m not straight,” says Emma.
“And I take it you’d like real relationship with Regina?”
“I think so, if she wanted that.”
“Have you told her any of this?” Mulan asks.
“No,” Emma says. “That would be weird. What if she hates the idea of dating me for real?”
“So is your plan just to keep fake-dating her indefinitely?”
“Maybe.”
“You do realise Elsa is going to get over her fear at some point, probably before you do?”
***
Emma and Regina do continue fake dating and the next time they’re in the vicinity of the ice princess Emma asks Regina if she can kiss her.
“Is this for Elsa’s benefit?” Regina asks. Emma says it is, because she’s not sure that Regina would agree to kiss her if it wasn’t.
“Very well,” says Regina, so Emma leans in and presses her lips to Regina’s. It is gentler than their first kiss, but lingering and it still does funny things to Emma’s brain. When it’s over Emma summons all her courage to inform Regina that she’s realised she’s not straight.
“I’m glad I could be of assistance,” Regina replies, but there’s no discussion of what this means for them. Emma continues to kiss Regina when they’re out in public, under the guise of their supposed relationship, but she doesn’t dare to initiate anything in private and Regina doesn’t initiate anything either.
Then one day the two of them are sitting next to each other in a booth in Granny’s when Mulan and Elsa enter hand-in-hand, and slide into the other side of the booth so they are facing Emma and Regina.
“What are you doing?” Emma asks, very confused.
“I’m here to say thank you,” Elsa says. “It’s because of you two that I eventually felt able to accept my attraction and now Mulan and I are together.”
“We didn’t do anything,” says Emma, “we were just being ourselves, like any other couple.”
“I know you’re faking it,” says Elsa, “your mother is a terrible liar. Plus Mulan messaged me weeks ago and filled me in on the whole plan. She let me know she would like to date me once I was able to be in the same room as her without freezing anything.”
“You never said anything any of the times I discussed dating Regina with you!” says Emma to Mulan, affronted by the news.
“I thought you needed the opportunity to work through some issues,” says Mulan nonchalantly.
“If you knew we weren’t really dating how did it help you?” Emma asks Elsa.
“The fact that you were happy to pretend to be together, and that other people accepted you as a couple, whether they thought it was real or not, made me realise I was safe to be myself in Storybrooke.”
“If we no longer need to keep up this charade I have some paperwork I could be doing,” says Regina and she shrugs Emma’s arm off her shoulder and heads out of Granny’s. Emma misses her straight away.
“I guess that’s the end of that,” she says, dejected.
“Only if you let it be,” replies Mulan and Emma realises she is right. She gets out of the booth and runs after Regina.
“Regina, wait!” she calls. Regina stops and waits for Emma to catch-up with her.
“It doesn’t have to be over, does it? I know it wasn’t meant to be real, but I’ve loved spending time more time with you, time when we’ve not been worrying about curses or villains, and you’ve helped me realise and accept the fact that I am into women.”
“You don’t have to settle for the first woman you’ve kissed,” says Regina. “There are plenty of other women out there you could date.”
“I don’t want anyone else,” Emma says. “I want you. You’re sarcastic and beautiful, one of the most infuriating people I know, but also the bravest person I know, you love Henry with everything you are, no matter how much it hurts. I think I’ve wanted you for a long time, I was just too scared to acknowledge my feelings.”
Emma licks her lips nervously. “It’s okay though, I know you probably don’t feel the same.”
Regina smiles hesitantly. “Dating you hasn’t been entirely terrible.”
“No?” Emma says hopefully.
“No,” says Regina warmly taking Emma’s hand. Mulan and Elsa walk past them grinning.