Chapter Text
JAMES
The party had been unbearably loud, but the aftermath brought a dull silence that James didn’t particularly enjoy. Cups were all over the floor of every room and the kitchen hadn’t been this much of a mess since he and Sirius tried drunk baking. He’d have to clean up the place before his mom got home next week.
“Sirius?” he called, peering into different rooms, “Remus?” he knew his friends wouldn’t have left without telling him, but then again, he couldn’t find his phone so, if they had told him, he wouldn’t know.
Everyone had cleared out of the house by now, except for Peter who was fast asleep on the couch. James saw his phone on the living room table, and he used its remaining battery to check his texts with Remus.
Sirius and I are heading out, I’ve got a date planned for most of tomorrow :)
Romantic motherfuckers. But even if he joked about being bitter, James thoroughly loved Remus and Sirius’ love, it made him awfully happy. They had spent long enough being oblivious and, regardless of how young they were, James knew they’d last.
If soulmates were real, Remus and Sirius were the perfect evidence. And if soulmates didn’t exist, Remus and Sirius made one hell of an opposing argument.
But with Peter drunkenly asleep and the lovebirds likely at Sirius’ apartment, everyone was accounted for except for one. The one James was really looking for. Regulus.
James found him in the bathroom, shirtless and drying his chest. Regulus’ camera, that he was rarely seen without nowadays, was carefully placed on a stack of towels.
He paused in the door frame for a moment, watching as beads of water travelled down Regulus’ torso. He was rather angelic, but James knew this well by now. He knew that Regulus had been carved from marble by whatever God had been up there.
Regulus noticed him in the doorway and his cheeks turned a little red. “Hi,” he said, giving James a small, inviting smile and sitting up on the countertop of the sink. James stepped into the bathroom.
“What are you doing here?” James asked softly, standing in between Regulus’ legs as they hung from the counter and smiling up at him.
They had been doing this all summer. Well, they’d actually been doing it all year. Standing a little too close, making eye contact for a little too long, accidentally brushing hands a few too many times.
Regulus smiled and looked away from James’ eyes, dropping the towel somewhere on the floor. “God, someone spilled a drink all over me, well actually, I ran into them and I asked what they were drinking and they said pink lemonade, can you imagine that? Pink lemonade at a party? Anyway there was lemonade all over my shirt, and I thought it got on my cam--” he stopped himself from going on and looked back up at James, “Sorry, started rambling.”
James was rather amused, smiling at Regulus with a fond look in his eyes. “S’alright. I like when you do it.” He had gotten a burst of courage from God knows where and lopped his arms around Regulus’ back.
“James,” Regulus breathed, but James was so close, and Regulus had no control over his body, so when his hands reached out and cupped James’ face, he couldn’t stop himself.
James wasn’t sure which one of them had leaned in first, but when Regulus’ lips were finally on his own, when he finally had Regulus where he wanted, he didn’t want it to end.
Kissing Regulus was sweet and warm. It was everything beautiful James had seen in his life, put into the movement of Regulus’ mouth against his.
James pulled away for a moment, wanting to see him. And God, he was pretty. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were red, turned upwards in a smile. Regulus’ hands reached for the hem of James’ shirt, pulling it off and then bringing him closer to kiss him again.
“Upstairs?” James asked, his voice was desperate and filled with lust.
Regulus nodded and James pulled him off the counter, wrapping an arm around his waist, “Wait, James, my camera.” Regulus said, stepping away to carefully lift it up.
“Wasn’t aware you wanted to film us.” James teased, pressing small kisses along Regulus’ jaw. It was funny, he had gone long enough without kissing Regulus, but now that he had, he couldn’t stop himself.
James didn’t know it was possible for Regulus’ face to turn redder, but it did. “God just shut up, James,” he said, but he was smiling into James’ mouth and wrapping his arms around James’ neck.
They had stumbled into James’ bedroom somehow, smiling into kisses and laughing lightly when James almost hit his head against the door. They continued to smile as they got into bed, slowly undressing each other, calling each other as many variations of the word ‘beautiful’ they could think of.
James’ lips moved down Regulus’ torso, exploring all the places he had wanted to for years. He came back up, brushing their noses and kissing Regulus gently. “You taste like pink lemonade.”
Regulus laughed, his hands cupping James’ face. “Sorry.” he whispered, smiling. “Blame whoever spilled it on me.”
“S’alright, just not what I expected.”
“So you’ve been expecting this to happen, then?” Regulus teased, his thumbs lightly caressing James’ face.
James leaned down, his lips brushing Regulus’ neck, then his ear, “Praying for it, actually.”
Regulus didn’t reply, but James knew he felt it too. James knew as he smiled against Regulus’ skin, and mumbled “Are you sure” with every new thing he tried. He knew it when Regulus urged him to continue and eventually they crossed a line they couldn’t come back from, falling into each other as they came.
They both laid there for a minute, trying to process what had just happened. And when Regulus told him that he’d been in love with him for 3 years, James told him he’d felt the same, and they kissed, lips now familiar with the way the other moved. Then there was a pause, a sad smile, and a light kiss to the forehead when they agreed that they couldn’t be together, not when James was leaving in eight days for LA.
But they spent the eight days as happily as they could. They spent the nights laughing and smiling as they discovered more about each other in bed. They spent the days making excuses (James needing to go to the “grocery store” exactly when Regulus needed to go to the “library”) and going around the city. They held hands in empty bookstores and fed each other bites of cake in deserted cafe’s near closing time. James didn’t hold himself back from kissing smiles into Regulus’ lips.
Eight days later, they were at the airport and Peter was in the bathroom and Sirius and Remus were buying snacks for the plane, and James couldn’t resist pressing a soft kiss to Regulus’ lips.
“I love you,” he had mumbled, trying to memorise the way Regulus’ skin felt under his hands, the way he could hear his heartbeat as if it was his own.
“You’ll learn not to.” Regulus replied, his voice on edge, close to breaking.
Then James had been on the plane, desperately wishing he could jump off. And when James heard, “Welcome to Los Angeles. The local time is 9:13 pm and the temperature is 22 degrees,” he wanted nothing more than to get on the next plane home and explain to Regulus that he could never not love him.
He didn’t.
A month and a half later, Sirius went back home to visit Regulus and James wanted nothing more than to go with him, but his manager told him they needed him to run some samples, so James stayed.
When Sirius got back, he was grinning from ear to ear.
“Regulus is in love.” he had said when he walked into their shared LA apartment.
Remus looked up from his book, Peter turned off the TV, and James’ face turned red.
“What?” Peter exclaimed, “Why wouldn’t he tell me?”
James was doing his best to hide his smile. He knew Regulus wouldn’t have told his brother the specifics, but the fact that Regulus was talking about him made him feel warm.
“I don’t know, but he is absolutely whipped. I saw them together a few times while I was there.” Sirius replied, setting his suitcase down and heading straight for Remus’ lap. He wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck and pressed a soft kiss to his jaw.
James no longer felt warm. The boy that Regulus was in love with had been with him. Regulus was with a boy he loved.
“You saw him?” James asked; he was trying to keep his voice steady, not wanting anyone to pick up on the tears threatening to spill.
Sirius nodded, “Every time I went to Regulus’ house he was just leaving, and when I was leaving his car was just pulling up. But eventually, I saw them."
James was relatively quiet for the rest of the night. When everyone was asleep he went to the balcony, wrote a song, and when he wanted to text Regulus, ask him who the everloving fuck this boy was, he didn’t. Instead, he thought of Regulus’ words: You’ll learn not to.
Somewhere inside, James knew he wouldn’t.
---
REGULUS
The days after James left, Regulus was miserable. The words I love you too had died on his lips when they were at the airport. He couldn’t bring himself to say them knowing how everything would end.
Evan had been an amazing help. James had left in July, leaving Regulus alone for the summer before he went back to school. Regulus and Evan had met at a bookstore earlier that summer and became friends instantly. There wasn’t anything they didn’t have in common.
And when Regulus found out that Evan was transferring to Hogwarts for their final year because his father had just moved here, they became unbearably close. Close enough that when Regulus was absolutely heartbroken, Evan knew how to cheer him with bad jokes and comforting hugs and homemade chocolate milkshakes.
The day Sirius came to visit, Regulus was fixated by the window. Evan had just been leaving to go to lunch with his mother.
“You look like those dogs that wait for kids coming home from school.” Evan told him as he left the house. Regulus threw him a glare, and then for good measure threw a pen at him too. It hit Evan on the shoulder and Regulus watched as he laughed and shook his head, giving Regulus a middle finger as he got into his car.
“The others?” Regulus carefully asked Sirius once he had hugged him a little too tight and gotten him some water.
“They had work to do. You’re stuck with me.” Sirius said grinning, and Regulus tried not to look hurt. God, was he grateful his brother was back, he loved Sirius fiercely, but he wished so badly that James was here. They had texted a little, some small talk about how LA is, and what the weather is like. But their conversations left Regulus wanting more. They left him longing for the way James looked at him, and the way James sounded when he said his name.
Sirius spent the trip home telling Regulus about LA. Regulus introduced him to Evan and didn’t miss the funny look Sirius had every time Evan was there, but he paid no mind to it.
On Sirius’ last day, he caught Regulus off guard with a question. They had been drinking and Sirius had asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I think I’m in love.” Regulus replied with honesty he didn’t even expect from himself. He wasn’t drunk enough to give away James’ name, but the word love was enough to bring tears to the corners of his eyes.
“It doesn’t have to be a bad thing, Reg.” Sirius said after a pause, he continued to talk but the alcohol buzzed in Regulus’ ears and slowly brought him to sleep, cutting off whatever else Sirius had meant to say.
The day after Sirius left, Regulus texted James a simple: Hey.
When a reply didn’t come in 3 days, Regulus stopped checking his phone every 5 minutes with hopes of a notification.
When a reply didn’t come in 8 days, Regulus deleted the text. He knew it would still show up on James’ phone, but he couldn’t bear to look at it any longer.
When a reply didn’t come in 11 days, Regulus deleted the conversation.
He thought about what he had last told James, You’ll learn not to.
He had known James would stop loving him one day, he just didn’t realise he’d do it so soon.