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Four weeks.
Ethan and Benji were used to not seeing each other for long stretches of time – it was something that had happened to them plenty of times over the years, typically for work reasons (and the occasional disavowal), but they had yet to spend anything more than a few days away from each other since becoming a couple.
It was inevitable that such a time would eventually come, which was how Ethan found himself immersed in an intelligence-gathering operation in Thailand for a month, and Benji found himself glued to a desk for twenty hours a day during that period. Benji having a hybrid knowledge of I.T. and field experience made him the perfect candidate for the mission, and the rapport between Ethan and himself certainly helped communications progress smoothly.
Unfortunately, being a team lead inherently came with time-consuming responsibilities and a need to be available around the clock. When Ethan was active, Benji was active. When Ethan was sleeping, Benji was researching and planning his moves for the next day. Ethan was something of a menace for not looking after himself on missions, and Benji was typically the agent at his side coaxing him to rest and eat and accept medical care.
Now, Ethan was the one taking a stern tone as the voice of his boyfriend greeted him through the headset at every hour of every day. It was enough for Benji to begrudgingly hand over both his beloved project and his beloved boyfriend to another agent before he became too sleep deprived - but not enough for him to take any actual care of himself.
Predictably, it lead to the techie stealing naps on office sofas; ignoring his physiotherapy and training sessions; defaulting to energy drinks and instant meals; and generally acting like he was still in his university days of studying at all hours and presuming his body would simply last forever.
But Benji wasn’t twenty-one any more. He was forty-one and far less ‘naturally’ fit than some of his colleagues (looking at you, Ethan).
Quite frankly, by the time the mission came to a close four weeks later, Benji felt like death reheated and Ethan wasn’t much better off.
As soon as Ethan returned home to their apartment, the pair spent the day catching up, eating, cuddling, and falling asleep on each other on the sofa. It was bliss.
They eventually accepted that they needed to get into bed and enjoy some genuine rest that lasted longer than a few hours, which lead to the present situation of Benji taking much longer than usual to change from a daytime tee into a sleeping tee.
Ethan was already sat on his side of the bed in nothing but his boxer shorts, watching Benji with a fond expression as his boyfriend seemed to fidget with nothing. Benji caught Ethan’s gaze and immediately glanced away again, his mouth pressed into a thin line as he stood shirtless, holding the fabric of his tee close to his body.
“Yeah, I know, hardly the body of an agent.” Benji commented, his tone containing only a trace of humour.
Ethan’s brows pulled tight in response. “What?”
Benji gestured to himself, belatedly giving a frustrated head shake as he continued to pull his shirt on over his head.
“It doesn’t matter – I’ll be back in training sessions next week, not that it’s going to be an easy fix. Not all of us have the metabolism and forgiving genetics of Ethan Hunt, y’know.”
Ethan squinted with an amused (if not still confused) smile, head tilting. “Benji – what are you talking about?”
“This!” Almost exasperated, Benji brought his hands down to his stomach where he cupped the new layer of belly fat that covered his previously lean abs. His tone indicated that it must have been the elephant in the room – the topic on both of their minds, even as Ethan sat there bemused.
It reminded Benji of being in his twenties again when he first arrived at the agency well over a decade ago. Back then, Benji split his time between working at a computer during office hours, and playing at a computer during leisure time. He had no friends and detested being left alone with his own thoughts - cooking and mindful exercise were so far off Benji's list of priorities that they hadn't even made the notebook.
Benji's routine had not changed too drastically since (computers would always be his passion) – but field work came with an expected level of nutrition and fitness that he worked hard to maintain. Not only that, but he now actually liked himself. His mental health and self-esteem had improved drastically, and spending time caring for himself felt like a reflection of that love.
“Your stomach.” Ethan clarified.
“Yes, my stomach.” Frowning, Benji squeezed his new pouch, then cradling it as if he were in the early stages of pregnancy and appreciating his new baby bump.
Ethan couldn’t help the small laugh that he gave as he watched Benji hold his stomach. “I’m getting that you’re upset about it? What did you mean, that’s not the body of an agent? You’re an agent – the best I’ve ever known. That’s your body. So, that’s the body of an agent.”
Benji scowled as he smoothed over his stomach. “Don’t try and be cute, you’ve got to know why I’m upset. This isn’t-, it’s not how agents look. I don’t know. I feel stupid trying to say it out loud.”
“Maybe you feel stupid because you know what you’re saying isn’t true.” Shrugging, Ethan patted the bed for Benji to join him, tentative but firm so as to not set off his boyfriend’s mood. “And you’re not stupid, for the record. You’re very intelligent and we all know it. What’s actually going on, Bee? C’mere.”
Benji sat down next to Ethan on the bed, instantly flopping onto his back and pouting at the ceiling. His fingers fidgeted nervously against the fabric of his shirt. “I just-, I don’t feel like an agent like this. And I don’t feel very, y’know, attractive. We haven’t seen each other for a month and I feel like I’ve greeted you in a state. Like I’m not at my best.”
“Benji.” Ethan’s previous amusement had faded away with Benji’s admission, that stern frown returning as he reached out to run a hand through his partner’s hair. “You’re not in a state – but yeah, I do know you aren’t at your best. Do you want to know how I know?”
Benji risked a peep up at Ethan, still pouting. “How?”
“Because you aren’t happy. I know you haven’t been able to sleep much or do anything you normally do outside of work. I can take an educated guess that you haven’t been able to cook or spend time eating something you really enjoy. I bet you haven’t even had time for music or for your-, which one is it, your online farm town. I bet your cows have died from malnutrition.”
“Stardew pauses when you save, Moolissa is fine.” Benji grumbled, though his frown eased as he sat up to face Ethan properly. “But. . . you aren’t wrong – we’ve both worked ourselves into the bloody ground, but you come back looking just as gorgeous as when you left. Bastard. It's not fair."
Ethan’s smile returned at Benji’s teasing tone, and he opened his arms to draw Benji into a tight hug against his chest. “And so do you. You were beautiful before, you’re beautiful now. It’s a stomach, Bee, it doesn’t matter. If anything, it reassures me that at least you were eating something whilst you were glued to that desk. I would have been really upset if you hadn’t eaten at all.”
“Yeah.” Benji mumbled into Ethan’s chest as he accepted the tight hug, his arms sliding around his boyfriend to squeeze him back. “Thanks, Ethan. I know. I know that I know. And I know that you know.”
Where was he going with this again?
“I know that I’m only upset about this because. . . I’m sleep deprived, and it’s reminding me of when I felt insecure when I was younger. It’s reminding me of having shitty self-confidence in my twenties and feeling like I wasn’t enough. It’s just-, grumpy Benji memories. They’re not current feelings. It’s just a stomach.”
“Hm. Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out. You’re still as smart and talented as you were before I left.” Ethan gave a wide smile and kissed Benji’s forehead, earning a pleased noise from his partner as Benji sat up in his arms. “And for the record – you are still very, very sexy.”
“Ethan-.” Benji began to argue, only to be silenced when Ethan pressed a kiss to his lips.
“Very sexy.” Ethan reiterated, pausing to asses Benji’s reaction as he raised an eyebrow in question.
Benji answered the raised eyebrow with one of his own.
The pair’s playful expressions mirrored as Benji closed the gap between them to return the kiss. He held Ethan’s jaw as he kissed his boyfriend slowly at first, his other hand trailing up Ethan’s chest to simply feel and appreciate the sensation of warmth and a beating heartbeat in his partner’s body after a long mission. Ethan’s hands gripped Benji’s hips as he pulled the other agent to settle into his lap.
After a long moment of exchanging gentle kisses, Benji nipped at Ethan’s lower lip and instantly used the opportunity of Ethan’s inhale to kiss deeper into his mouth, his hands now sliding around Ethan’s shoulders to bring their chests into contact. Ethan’s own hands moved from Benji’s hips until his fingertips brushed underneath Benji’s shirt lightly, tentatively asking for permission before exploring the expanse of his partner’s soft stomach.
Ethan wasn’t expecting the surprised shiver from Benji, though the other man pulled away for a second to mumble “ticklish,” against the corner of Ethan’s mouth in explanation.
Perhaps they should take month-long breaks away from touching each other again if it increased Benji’s sensitivity.
But realistically, Ethan knew neither of them could resist each other for that long without a literal ocean in between them to set the chastity. And why should they force themselves to be patient and sparing? They had wasted years dancing around each other as it was. Both agents had earned these soft, intimate moments, and Ethan suspected that he would never have enough of them.
Ethan’s hands continued their exploration, taking in the feeling of velvety, plush skin under his palms before they paused over the dip in Benji’s waist. Feeling emboldened by Benji’s eager kisses, Ethan unceremoniously squeezed two handfuls of his partner’s hips, prompting Benji to nearly yell in surprise as he gave Ethan a warning bite to his ear, still laughing as he did so.
“Ethan Matthew Hunt! Are you manhandling my love handles? Is this any way to treat a lady?”
“Sorry,” Ethan laughed in return, just as insincere about his apology as Benji had been about his complaint. “Do you want me to stop?”
“I didn’t say that – in fact, ideally, we’d be going much further than this, but I’ve got a feeling that if we don’t get some sleep soon, one of us is going to pass out and it won’t be sexy.” Benji mumbled his reply into the skin of Ethan’s neck, still pressing gentle kisses in between his words as he trailed his lips down to Ethan’s shoulder.
“I know, c’mere.” Ethan agreed with a sigh and gave Benji a final squeeze before the pair shifted to lay comfortably in bed.
Benji removed himself from Ethan’s lap and snuggled down under the covers opposite his boyfriend, delighted to finally be sharing a bed again after weeks apart – he’d missed this. Missed falling asleep and waking up to Ethan’s peaceful expression. Missed being able to reach out and entwine his fingers with the love of his life, whenever he wanted.
Ethan’s answering smile as he gazed to Benji only inches away suggested he felt the same. He draped an arm over Benji’s middle, ensuring to spend a moment rubbing his thumb against Benji’s hip as they settled down for sleep.
“I love you so much.” He murmured, his hand finally falling still against Benji’s back.
“I know. I love you more.” Benji whispered in return, dipping in to press a final kiss to Ethan’s forehead before he let his eyes droop closed.
After a moment of blissful silence, Ethan whispered again, his expression that of a pleased but sleepy cat.
“And tomorrow, we can see if those ‘love handles’ help me keep hold of you for morning sex. Like a sexy teapot.”
“Ethan!”