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figgsy created this chat
figgsy added itswill, emma, sylvester, holly holliday, drunk, terri-ble official and beistenotbeast
figgsy named this chat William McKinley Faculty
figgsy
> Welcome all to the official William McKinley Faculty group chat
> We will from now on be holding all staff meetings on this forum
drunk
> i dpnt worjk thrre
figgsy
> As the sole benefactor of the school, by law we must include you in discussions
sylvester
> I had a stroke trying to read that message april
itswill
> just because you’re a bitch
holly holliday
> no, april’s just drunk
> it’s a fair point
itswill
> well… that’s not very professional, april!
holly holliday
> neither is having staff meetings on a group chat
itswill
> do you have something against me today holly
holly holliday
> today, every day
> i find you offensive
itswill
> i’m sorry?
holly holliday
> i’m sorry, your aura just isn’t good
sylvester
> You know your life’s gone to shit when holly holliday is the only other sane one
> I get the impression she isn’t as ridiculous as everyone thinks she is and is using the whole ‘aura’ thing to hide the fact she’s talking sense
holly holliday
> she’s good
emma
> Figgins, why are we having a meeting on a group chat?
figgsy
> Budget cuts
sylvester
> Let me guess
> Your hands are tied
figgsy
> Precisely. We cannot afford to both have staff meetings at school and manufacture our Cheerios uniforms out of Egyptian cotton
itswill
> then maybe stop with the egyptian cotton
sylvester
> I won’t allow it
> Ooh cut the Glee club
emma
> What do you have against Glee, Sue? Is there really something that deeply offensive to you about kids having fun?
sylvester
> Why are you trying to be my therapist
beistenotbeast
> sorry what’d i miss
> i was eating my turkducken
sylvester
> Revolting
emma
> Does Sheldon eating make you uncomfortable, Sue?
sylvester
> Not generally
> But beistes foul invention of a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey most certainly does
beistenotbeast
> fair enough i guess
> it’s not for everyone
> especially it’s not for birds, you know
holly holliday
> your aura is very level
beistenotbeast
> what does she mean
itswill
> who knows, who cares
holly holliday
> see? bad aura
sylvester
> Also again emma you aren’t my therapist and frankly you need it a lot more than me
> Sheldon is perfectly tolerable
> I have long lists of reasons to dislike william and figgins
> But you other four are fine
> Even you bambi despite your horrible taste in men
drunk
> yaaaah bestieeee
itswill
> what on earth did I do
holly holliday
> what didn’t you do
> that aura is stained black, will
sylvester
> Your hair for a start
> Your sweater vests
> Your inability to notice the mental health of the glee club spiralling out of control
emma
> I thought you hated those kids!
sylvester
> No I think they’re great
> Except finn puck artie and rachel
> I just dislike will intensely and wish to snuff out any pleasure he might have in his life
terri-ble official
> sounds like a great club, how do i join?
emma
> Terri’s on this chat?
> I don’t like that.
sylvester
> What is there to like in your miserable existence
itswill
> be calm, emma, i chose you
sylvester
> More fool you ginge
holly holliday
> i suggest we call it the hate will club
sylvester
> Imagination not your strong point?
itswill
> oh come on terri
> why do you hate me
> if anything i should hate you
> you faked a pregnancy for fuck’s sake
terri-ble official
> and then instead of helping me with my mental illness you threw a plate at my head, kicked me out and had an affair
> i have every reason not to like you
beistenotbeast
> what did finn, puck, artie and rachel do to you?
> i like puck
> he’s a great kid
sylvester
> Just because you’ve practically adopted the boy
figgsy
> This is hardly the kind of conversation I would expect from the students, much less the faculty!
holly holliday
> ah well i’m barely faculty
> why don’t you like them sue
> personally i detest finn because he outed santana and then refused to apologise for it but i’d be interested to hear your reasons
sylvester
> Same
drunk
> ooohhhhh snaapapsies!
terri-ble official
> is santana the one who was on national tv for being a lesbian
> the one will did nothing to help
holly holliday
> yes! that’s the one!
> fuck you will!
sylvester
> I dislike puck because he knocked up quinn
> Artie because he got between my pet lesbians and we can’t have that
> Especially because it meant i had at least one crying lesbian in every lunchtime asking me for advice which is not really a strong point of mine
> Though i am of course good at everything
> Finally rachel because she’s loud and annoying and has no regard for the consequences of her actions
terri-ble official
> and all these kids i’m assuming were fine until will took them under his belt
itswill
> is there a reason you all hate me?
terri-ble official
> did i not give you a list approximately five minutes ago
holly holliday
> i like you
> i picked the wrong schuester to work with, let me tell you
terri-ble official
> come on down to sheets n things!
sylvester
> That sounded a lot like an invitation for sex
holly holliday
> if we had sex would it piss you off will
itswill
> do i want to answer that
beistenotbeast
> yes it would
itswill
> sheldon!
beistenotbeast
> sorry
> i’m kinda in a meat coma
terri-ble official
> who’s the other woman who hates schue?
holly holliday
> you’re going to have to be more specific
> if it’s me, i’m holly holliday, a five foot seven supply teacher with ambiguous sexuality and a sense for the occult
> if it’s @sylvester, she’s sue, a cheerios coach who likes to smash things but is secretly very soft hearted with people who stay on her good side
sylvester
> It’s not that I hate everyone and everything it’s just that i hate will
holly holliday
> oh that could be our motto!
emma
> Could you all stop with this nonsense? I’ve counselled freshmen who behave better than you.
sylvester
> And i’ve coached fifth graders with more personality than you so god knows what birds nest sees in you
itswill
> emma’s got a wonderful personality
sylvester
> I’m sure she did before she met you and you took advantage of her mental illness to weaken her
> I suggest you run while you still can emma
emma
> Okay… he doesn’t?
terri-ble official
> oh, he does
> take it from someone with experience in this matter: he’s only marrying you to use you
itswill
> this is ridiculous
sylvester
> Run run as fast as you can
> Run fast away from the greasy perm man
itswill
> …what
sylvester
> It’s an informative poem
holly holliday
> as a completely impartial party i’d like to agree with sue
beistenotbeast
> impartial?
> really?
sylvester
> Whose side are you on here sheldon
beistenotbeast
> i don’t really know i haven’t been concentrating
figgsy
> I created this chat to talk about booming heating costs and filth in the toilets
> Not to listen to your childish vendettas against one another!
drunk
> whos sife are yiu on thrn
figgsy
> That is beside the point
terri-ble official
> actually it’s bang slap in the middle of the point
> emma when you come to your senses, get the therapist you sorely need and leave the nutcase feel free to join our club
itswill
> oh, for-
itswill has left the chat
figgsy
> William you cannot do that
> This is a staff group
beistenotbeast
> pretty sure he just did
sylvester
> Good work girls
holly holliday
> we should do this more often
terri-ble official
> what, torture dickheads till they’re forced to leave?
holly holliday
> exactly
emma
> I’m not enormously comfortable with this.
sylvester
> I’m not enormously comfortable with your husband’s hairdo
> We both have to endure things we don’t want to
emma
> What is wrong with Will’s hair, Sue?
sylvester
> Birds
> I don’t like them
> Every time i look at his head i imagine baby crows nestling down in those hideous curls and laying little pungent eggs on his scalp
terri-ble official
> wow
> you put the feeling into words
> you’re good
drunk
> woow shse’s eloquent
sylvester
> Eloquent you can spell
> Figgins i’ll be off now
figgsy
> No Sue you cannot leave
> This is a faculty discussion
sylvester has left the chat
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beistenotbeast
> oh are we leaving
terri-ble official
> i’m getting the impression that’s what’s happening, yes
beistenotbeast
> oh okay
beistenotbeast has left the chat
terri-ble official has left the chat
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figgsy
> I hate my job