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Merlin entered the King’s chambers to find Arthur sitting at his desk, staring blankly down at his hands, despondency radiating from his entire being. Merlin frowned and stepped closer to the desk. “What’s wrong?”
Arthur continued to stare down without acknowledging Merlin’s entrance. “I’ve just received a report from the Eastern border,” he answered blankly, “A small village refused to allow Morgana shelter so she razed it to the ground. There were only a handful of survivors.”
He looked up at Merlin, tears gleaming in his eyes. Merlin understood that his sorrow was for Morgana and the woman she once was as much as it was for the dead villagers. Merlin hated hearing these reports just as much as Arthur. He blamed himself for Morgana’s actions and knew he was partly responsible for every death she caused.
“How could she do this Merlin?” Arthur asked. Merlin would have expected him to be filled with anger but all he saw was sadness coupled with a disturbing blankness. Merlin became quite worried; a lack of emotions from Arthur was always more alarming than an excess.
“My father always told me that magic corrupts the soul but I never truly believed it could be this bad. That simply using magic could turn a kind and loving woman into a monster. She’s murdered so many, Merlin. All those innocent people! Children as well as adults; all gone because they refused her. What sort of person could do that?”
Merlin wanted to console Arthur. But he also hated that it was magic that was getting the blame for Morgana’s transformation. Merlin knew full well that magic did not corrupt the soul; he was the perfect example of that. But he also knew that discussing this with Arthur was never a good idea, especially when he was so upset. Yet he also knew that Morgana’s transformation was partly his fault and if he had been braver perhaps she could have been saved. Didn’t he owe it to all the other sorcerers to at least try and get the King to see the truth?
He decided to speak his mind and hope his words didn’t result in more terrible consequences. After all Arthur may scoff at most of his opinions but, unlike other royals and nobles, he didn’t forbid Merlin from expressing himself. He even occasionally listened and took his advice. “Arthur I don’t think it’s magic that’s caused this?”
Arthur looked up at Merlin in confusion and a little anger. “How could it be anything else? One minute Morgana is a compassionate and generous woman, championing the people, and as soon as she starts practicing magic she turns into a monster who wants to control Camelot and subjugate its citizens. She’s killed all those that stood in her way and didn’t care in the least.”
“I’m not condoning her actions,” replied Merlin tentatively, “but from what Gaius has told me Morgana was born with magic and she unknowingly used it all her life. All those dreams of hers were really prophetic visions.”
Arthur frowned at Merlin’s words. Part of him was aware that Morgana was a seer and thus had been using magic for many years, but he had never really consciously associated her dreams with active magic before. “Well maybe the act of intentionally using magic is what caused her to become corrupted.”
“Maybe,” Merlin answered although his tone suggested scepticism. Arthur waited for him to continue; willing to listen although he was not at all convinced there was any other explanation.
“Arthur,” Merlin continued hesitantly, clearly about to say something that his audience was going to find objectionable, “have you ever thought that Morgana was not the only member of her family that went mad in this way?”
Arthur sat up sharply, his anger intensifying with Merlin’s words. “And by her family you mean my family as well. No Merlin,” his tone sarcastic and annoyed, “nobody else in my family has turned on Camelot and tried to destroy us, unless you mean Agravaine, and he wasn’t related to Morgana.
Merlin continued, trying not to be deterred by Arthur’s response. “But what if they didn’t have to destroy Camelot because they already controlled it?”
Arthur’s face shuttered. He had understood Merlin’s inference; there was only one person he could be describing. He did not, however, agree with his assessment. “You mean my father; our father. He was a good King; he wasn’t mad.”
While Arthur had not agreed with his words he also hadn’t kicked Merlin out of his quarters and screamed at him in anger. This gave Merlin the confidence to continue and step up his argument. “He wasn’t a lunatic, no. But he also wasn’t exactly sane when it came to magic. Think about it Arthur,” Merlin implored passionately, “a normal king wouldn’t execute a man for unknowingly serving a sorcerer a drink in his tavern or renting him a room for the night. Your father hated magic and it caused him to lash out at everything to do with magic.
“Isn’t that similar to what happened to Morgana? She was alone and frightened and that fear caused her to lash out and blame not only your father but all of Camelot. Her madness seems very similar to your father’s, at least in how they acted towards other people.”
Merlin could see that the king was considering his words, albeit reluctantly. “So what you’re actually saying,” Arthur replied, his voice cold, “is that there is insanity in the Pendragon family.”
Merlin closed his eyes in exasperation. Arthur was purposely misinterpreting his words in order to ignore the truth. “I’m not saying anything of the sort. I don’t know if either of them could be classed as truly insane. All I’m saying is that both father and daughter allowed their hatred to blind them when it came to a certain subject that caused a great deal of distress to them.” Merlin sat down next to the desk and let Arthur contemplate his words. He waited until the king chose to talk.
Arthur eventually looked up, his eyes dejected and full of sorrow. “Maybe you’re right. I always thought it was the magic that turned Morgana into a madwoman. But maybe that’s too easy an explanation. It’s always so easy to blame magic without ever thinking about what that means. My father always thought whenever anything went wrong that it had to be magic and at least half the time it turned out to be something mundane. He saw magic in everything and it was easy to blame magic and not look deeper to find the real solution.”
Arthur paused for a beat and turned away contemplating his thoughts. “I don’t understand her and how she came to be this way. She was always the conscience of the family, she never let me get away with anything and she always stood up to Father whenever he did something she considered wrong. I was never as strong as her even when I agreed with her. I told myself that if I always objected to every little thing I wouldn’t have any pull when it came to the big things. It may have even been true but Morgana always said this was the coward’s way out. She was probably right. She was always the epitome of courage. I wish I’d told her that. I wish I’d told her how much I admired her and how much she meant to me. Maybe if I hadn’t been so antagonistic towards her she would have come to me when she needed help. Maybe if I had stood up to Father more often she would have known I would support her and not blame her for her magic.”
Merlin’s heart went out to Arthur. He knew how much Morgana meant to him and how much her betrayal had hurt. Merlin would never forgive himself for the part he played in Morgana’s defection. Unlike Arthur, Morgana had asked for his help and he had not done enough. Worse still, he had been the catalyst that had pushed her over the edge and into Morgause’s clutches.
While he knew he couldn’t mention the part he had played, Merlin couldn’t leave Arthur blaming himself especially since he had started Arthur on these thoughts. “It’s not your fault Arthur. Morgana knew you loved her and she knew you wouldn’t turn her over for execution. You helped her with the druid boy and you never displayed the hatred for magic that Uther did. She chose to conceal her struggles from you and never gave you the chance to help. She turned against you without ever talking to you about magic. Her desire for power has nothing to do with freeing the magical people and everything to do with her desire for revenge against Uther and her own greed. Just like your father’s desire to eradicate magic had nothing to do with his desire to protect Camelot and everything to do with his desire to payback your mother’s death. They both lashed out and innocent people got hurt in the process.”
Arthur remained sitting. He looked much smaller than normal, subdued and hurting. “I guess you’re right,” he replied. He laughed bitterly. “For so long I wanted to be my father; be a strong and noble warrior just like him. I wanted him to be proud of me. Instead it turns out that Morgana is far more like him than me. I should be grateful that I have never allowed my problems to consume me, but all I feel is sorrow and regret. My entire family is broken and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
“I wish magic was as simple as I once thought, then I could find a sorcerer who could cast a spell and make everything better.”
Merlin smiled weakly at him, thinking about how often he had had similar thoughts. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years in Camelot, Arthur, is that magic spells are never so simple and certainly aren’t a perfect solution to anything.”