Chapter Text
Jungkook’s POV
Strong
I wonder What exactly is being strong? Is it doing things others couldn't?
Is it coming forward when the others couldn't help but coward away?
Or is it playing others with your intelligence, Use their weak selfs to save your own self. Why? Because you are Stronger.
Smarter, braver, More talented, More worthy of the gift called Life. You are on top of the hierarchy, naturally Owning more importance than the rest.
I think being Strong Or weak is an illusion. A perfect lie moulded for you. A lie fed to you from the very start, To make some people arrogant about themselves and think they don't need anyone and to manipulate some people into thinking they can't do anything without someone’s support, Someone more stronger than them.
I wonder in which category I came in. Stronger Or weaker? What will you take me as?
If I'm the one who has to answer.
I'm Probably in neither.
I know I know why you might think that I'm wrong, I mean anyone who'll meet me will consider me in the stronger category.
I'm an Alpha with a background of serving in war as a doctor for our country. The head of my department, have been taken as a hostage by North Korea for 2 months, brutally tortured to the point I still got scars all over my body. All this might make me considerably strong and I don't deny that, enduring such things is not something everyone can do, I've seen my peers die during the torture and getting disposed like some plastic bag.
This all makes me, as a person in society, really strong. ‘An Alpha surviving such traumatic things and yet leading a good life’
When in reality, that's not true at all. My life is anything but good. It's a mess, a total mess and I never survived from the trauma of those experiences. I wouldn't even probably be alive if it wasn't for him.
Him
My backbone, my support system, my happiness, my safe place. The light to my dark, the happiness to my sadness.
Kim Taehyung, my mate.
We met back in college , same batch, same major and we just clicked. Joined at the hips all the time at some point we started courting each other and now here we are, almost 10 years into the relationship.
He's a professor in University now, still the soft, kind, understanding and all the comforting words you can use. He's an Omega.
Omega, The one which is considered to be the weakest in our hierarchy but he's anything but weak.
It's said that Alphas are supposed to be/should be the stronger one in the relationship dynamics, that Omega's need their alphas with them but in my case, it's the other way around. He's the half to my whole.
The Alpha in me needs the omega in him. Always have. There's probably never a day where I didn't need him. Even right now.
I need him.
Here I am, actually… I don't know where I am. My head moving in all directions to figure out if I've ever been in this or any such places.
It's a forest, a very very dark forest, straight out of a horror movie type forest, chills giving type forest, there's fog… everywhere. It's honestly that scene where the protagonist gets killed by some psychopath or mythical creature in the middle of nowhere, way after midnight.
Honestly, that makes me kind of nervous. Ok, totally nervous. Freaked and spooked out too.
I can feel my hands shaking, every fiber in my body yelling at me to get the fuck out but something in me keeps going forward though the conscious part of my brain is giving commands to do the opposite, take a turn and run.
Run even though I have no idea if there's a way out but I can't, it's like my body is not in my own control, like there's someone else who got the strings of my action and they want me to keep walking to the death end. My feets carry me till I find myself standing in front of a lake, the water is grey, almost black. The place was silent, still. Unmoving.
I wasn't sure if the silence brought chills or solace in my heart. Either way, I sat down letting my Legs dip in the cold water, closing my eyes as I started getting used to it.
I stayed like that for a moment before I felt a presence. A shiver runs down my spine, I don’t have a nice feeling about this. Before I could take a peek at the person standing behind me I slipped and fell down.
Splashes of water were a faint sound to me, they were probably created because of me falling in, Was I crying? I probably was.
Everyone thinks when you drown, it's really chaotic. It's not. It's really not. Everything becomes silent, it's so silent it starts to crawl at your skin. It feels like water has arms and they are hellbent on choking you to death. You open your mouth to scream thinking that your voice is able to reach above the surface of the sea, but no.
Your voice doesn't breach even the first layer of the water. Bubbles appear to show that what you are doing is making an effort to make it better but that's all, slowly the water gets inside your system. Robbing you of the little amount of oxygen that's left inside your lungs.
Slowly you start to give up on the little hope of surviving. And that's exactly how I feel.
I close my eyes and let myself surrender to the Grim reaper that's smiling down on me, stretching his arms to hug me close.
And I'm ready, ready to give in but just then…
Third Person Pov
Jungkook gasps loudly, jerking away from his sleep. Beads of sweat rolling down his temple, chest heaving up and down desperate to catch the breath he's been robbed of.
When finally what happened settled down he urged himself to calm down, patting his heart over his sweat soaked Grey tee.
It's okay, you're okay. It was just a nightmare. That's all.
Jungkook sighs, falling back on his comforter. Closing his eyes— No not closing his eyes. He peels his eyes open the second they threaten to fall shut. All the things start to dance behind his pupils the second he gives them a little rest.
Everything.
Deaths, screams, blood, tears, sound of metals they used for torturing.
It starts to haunt Jungkook down, he knows his pheromones are all over the place. The distress in his scents suffocates him as well.
Jungkook sighs, giving him a mental monologue to reassure himself. Controlling his pheromones to neutralise the scent dominating his room. He ruffles his earlobe reaching long black hair, slightly brownish. They kinda shine under the sun just the way it makes Taehyung smile and ruffle them to mess with whatever style Jungkook pulled off that time. His eyes turned towards the digital clock resting on the bedside table.
4:50am
He lets out another sigh, sounding A lot more tired than before. Another day with not enough sleep. Dark circles are starting to make their home below his eyes.
He badly wants to call Taehyung, talking to the omega always eases the alpha but he can't. Taehyung is on a university trip to Incheon and it's still gonna take him a day to come back. He doesn’t want to disturb the omega from his sleep just because he had a nightmare.
Jungkook groans, the whole dream or nightmare or whatever it was keeps roaming around his brain, trying to understand the relevance. He needs to get it out of his system so with another sigh the alpha decides to climb down his bed.
His bare feet taking him towards his working room. Jungkook took a rubber band from the dressing table. The alpha gathers his hair in a high small bun. A few strands falling out, painting his face with a look of a historic samurai. Jungkook smiles as he opens the door immediately hitted by the strong smell of oil and paint.
He switches on the light, keeping it a little dim as he walks further, tons of plain and painted canvas hanging around the space. Jungkook smiles as he gazes at his paintings, some half done, some completed but still in need of a couple of last touches according to the alpha, finger painted, portraits, scenery, many of his own dream paintings. simple doodles on the walls and corner of canvases. His personal paradise, the place which makes him forget about all his problems and issues. Except the arms of his husband of course.
Jungkook is a painter or well, he likes to consider himself one. He mostly just paints to calm himself, painting therapy you know. His therapist, Jimin during one of their many sessions was trying out other ways for Jungkook to calm himself other than meditation and the most effective one was this, painting.
As I said, Jungkook only paints for himself, to keep his own self sane but it’s not like no one has seen it other than his husband, Taehyung. No, it’s not like that, often jungkook’s paintings are shown in art galleries and even people have bought or commissioned his works. He’s not exactly ‘famous’ in the art industry but enough for him to have a good lifestyle unlike many struggling artists. Plus, he makes a reasonable amount through his social media accounts by displaying his arts.
He takes out a plain canvas from the back of a series of other sized canvas, it was almost ¾ size of him, putting it on the easel and securing it. The alpha adjusted the easel according to his own convenience. After playing his angry music playlist which contained songs like monster by meg myers, twisted by misso, wrong by max and many more, connecting his phone to bluetooth and putting it in full volume jungkook picked up his palette.
He took the palette, squeezing out different shades of blue, a light shade of grey, a shade of skin colour, white and black on the wooden plate, picking up the brush as he made a timid stroke. At start it started with light calculated strokes across the different parts of the craft like deciding what should be where, he took a step back, hands itching at the side like thinking something, his eyes moving from side to side imagining what exactly he wanted to create. Jungkook bit his lip before he took a dark shade of green mixing it with black and blue to bring out a dark teal colour.
He picked up the brush once again and made a bold stroke at the side of the whole canvas before starting to perfect it according to his brain, swaying along the music, beads of sweat running down his forehead as he started using his fingers at one point.
Jungkook loves the adrenaline rush he feels when he works. He likes how calm and silent his mind is when he works on putting his thoughts in the form of a painting. The alpha watched as Slowly the mindless strokes and curves started to take a shape. It’s amusing how mindlessly putting paint starts taking the place of something beautiful.
The alpha isn’t sure how much time it has been, probably an hour or two when he was finally done with his craft. He took a good step back in order to take a clear look at the whole painting, chest heaving up and down as he admired the piece of art. It was a painting, painting of him.
Drowning in water.
Exactly like the dream he had, surrounded by trees as a thick fog dominated the whole surrounding, his hand was above the surface of the water. Another hand holded his hand from above, there wasn’t a face, just the hand. It wasn’t clear if that hand was going to drown along with him or pull him out or maybe it was the one who let him fall but it was there and possibly that’s the reason it’s his favourite part because even in his dream he wasn’t sure if that person was drowning him or trying to help him. He wasn't sure if the one who was smiling down at him was a grim reaper or someone who wanted to help him out.
The water was greyish, the small waves obvious, there were little bubbles below the surface surrounding him. Jungkook’s head was thrown back while his body was in front, like doing a backflip inside the water. Jungkook admired his art as he took a cloth to clean up the paint from his fingers, not completely able to clean it up but enough to make them usable without staining anything he touches.
Jungkook switched on the light, picking up his phone as he clicked a pic of the painting and then he took a pic of himself doing a peace sign and going Eeee. Jungkook smiles to himself as he sends it to his husband, taehyung captaining it with “I miss you :(“
He walks back to the bedroom to start his day, tossing the phone on bed and entering the attached bathroom deciding to take a shower to wash off the nasty paint and oil clinging to his skin.
By the time the alpha comes back he already has a notification from the omega. Jungkook sits at the edge of the bed, drying his hair with one towel as he opens the phone.
Taehyung : I miss you too :(((( Just one more day bambi then I’ll be back yeah?
Jungkook groans to himself silently, his lower lip jutting out.
Jungkook : that sounds too long >︵<
He sends two crying emoji and immediately three dots appear.
Taehyung : Whiny
Jungkook chuckles at the single syllable and three laughing emojis along it, Always .
Before he can type that out another message pops up.
Taehyung : Wanna call? I wanna see you :(
Jungkook : Thought you'd never ask ^_^
It took barely 15 seconds before his ringtone echoed in the dark room. The alpha picked up the call, switching the light lamp next to his table on so taehyung could see his face.
“Hey— oh I like the view” The beautiful soothing giggle immediately warmed Jungkook’s heart. He stares down at his bare chest and faded black sweatpants hanging low on his hips. There were many faint and evident scars across his body but neither did he or his omega seem to look at it or give it any kind of thought. A smirk formed on Jungkook’s lips when he met Taehyung’s eyes. He couldn’t conceal the words that escaped.
“Such a bummer you can't touch” He heard himself teasing, smiling when Taehyung pouted from the other side. His golden wired glasses hang low on his nose, tempting Jungkook to boop it.
Yeah, such a bummer.
“Just a day bambi” He narrows his eyes with a snap of finger. “Then I'll devour you whole” he points his finger in Jungkook's whole body (mostly the chest which was the only thing visible through screen) as if it was something he was getting warned of.
“Oh yeah?” Jungkook laughs falling back on the bed, the towel sprawling around his head as he turns to one side to bring the phone in a comfortable position to see Taehyung.
“Yeah, just you wait” Jungkook chuckles.
“I'll look forward to it, my wian ” Taehyung flushed, it was a term of endearment Jungkook used for him, he said he had picked it up because Taehyund brings comfort for him. His Solace, as the word means.
Jungkook grinned, enjoying the blush spreading on Tae’s cheeks before the Brightness of his smile dimmed a little.
“I miss you, Tae” The omega smiled sadly.
“I miss you too…” lie
A part of his mind whispered, the small tiny part stuffed in some corner whispered but Jungkook didn't entertain it. It always gets like this when Taehyung is away for longer than 48 hours. His skin starts to itch and demons start coming out of the ground he buried them in. It's just something that started happening once he retired after the war. It's not like he isn't aware of Taehyung’s love or he is insecure about what they have.
He is well aware of how much Taehyung loves him and misses him but you can't control the conscious part that resides in your head. The little demon always ready to feed on your insecurities but not now. He's already gotten through this much time without Taehyung. He'll get through the rest 24 hours too.
Maybe his therapist will consider his this dependence as a liability, something he needs to work on but Jungkook doesn't care. He's not a Depending Whiny Princess in demise who'll jump on anyone who'll show a little love. It's just Taehyung who makes everything better, life a little more worthy living that's all. It's that simple.
He has always been the one to hold him, before he was taken to North Korea, before everything else. The thoughts of returning back in the arms of Taehyung is what kept him grounded and going through well, everything. Sure, He hasn’t been like this when they were in college, or when they got married or when he was posted somewhere on the borders for almost the whole year. He wasn't this scared of being away from Taehyung well until he went to war.
It was the sick part which got developed after the torture he went through, after a demon made home in his brain, telling him of the possibilities of how easy it is for life to end. How little a person can resist.
“...i shouldn’t have left” Jungkook is pulled away from his train of thoughts to see Tae smile sadly.
“What? No!”
“But—”
“Tae baby no! You wanted to go on this trip did you or did you not? Answer me honestly” Jungkook speaks in a firm tone, the kind which reminds Tae that his adorable sweet fluff ball baby bambi is still an alpha. His Alpha.
The omega hesitates, chewing on his lower lip before he replies. “I did but—”
“Are you enjoying being there?” Tae sighs already knowing where this is gonna end
“I am” He replied back in a small tone. Jungkook smiles.
“You got your answer baby, You will have fun and enjoy yourself and won't regret it, got it?”
“What about you though? You are getting nightmares are you not?” Jungkook bites his lips, he'll be dumb to lie to Tae on his face. Don't know how the omega did that but he was always able to read Jungkook like an open book. Guess a relationship for almost a decade does that to you.
“Tae… What did you promise to me when I came back from the military” When I was rescued is what he means and Taehyung knew it.
“What happened in there wouldn't make you any less in my eyes. I'm not gonna treat you as someone who needs pity, you only deserve my love and care. You aren't and will never be a burden to me. We are still what we were before, I'll treat you as my alpha, my other half, my husband, my mate, my little fluff ball, my bambi, the father of our future pups and we are and will be a normal couple with some rough stuffs we overcome together—”
“— I love you Jungkook for who you are and what has happened won't change my feelings for you” Taehyung finished cutting Jungkook off mid sentence making the alpha give a small smile.
“I remember but What relevance does that have with this” Tae mumbles, putting his chin on top of his palms.
“You are pitying me now,” Jungkook points out.
“I'm not—”
“Yes you are” Jungkook sulks, narrowing his eyes at him.
“Sorry” Tae replies after a good amount of silence.
Jungkook smiles “Just enjoy yourself okay?”
“Now tell me where you are going today” The alpha puts the phone on the table, adjusting it and moving to plop down sideways, his head in the air supported by his arm.
“Ok so we are going to this exhibition and then we'll go to—” Jungkook smiles fondly as the omega rants about his routine and how excited he is to meet some really famous psychologists. He likes having Taehyung like this, being carefree, excited, smiling, and giggling. He loves Taehyung more than he loves anything else.
And Though, Sometimes — Okay most of the time he does wonder how he got so lucky or even deserves to call this beautiful baby his own, but at the end of the day, All he knows is he won't and can't let the omega go. He’s selfish for his own good .
They talk for 20 minutes or so before the omega has to leave to start what they have planned. The alpha says goodbye after lots of sulking and lots of virtual kisses.
He looks at the clock and sighs, laying against his back again as the alpha closes his eyes. Hoping for sleep to come back to him without bringing any bitchy cousins named nightmares along.
Just 24 hours more and then he'll have his mate back in his arms.
Next Day
Jungkook bites his lips as he checks himself in the rear view mirror once again. He felt giddy and excited as he drove towards his husband’s university.
It was fairly 3pm in the afternoon, Taehyung was supposed to come back to Seoul with rest of the professors and students Around 11 am but the flight has been delayed and hence he had to wait a few (read; a lot cause he likes being dramatic) hours in order to finally have his mate in his arms.
The alpha was going to pick him up from the university (if it was possible he'll be at the airport instead) because he's an impatient little shit and wants his mate as soon as possible. The alpha smiled, reaching the university. He parked his car and looked at his reflection for the hundredth time to make sure his hair style looked absolutely perfect and matched with his aesthetic.
He had decided to keep his hair down today, giving it a little perm to increase the volume and curling it a little from the tips. The alpha looked cute alright, his tattooed arms hidden underneath the sleeves of his long oversized pink tee, around his left pec area the ‘Cutest alpha ever’ was written in curled round shape.
It was Taehyung’s gift to him on their 1st marriage anniversary. At that time, the alpha had whined a lot about the colour and how he wasn't cute or that this wouldn't fit with his pure black aesthetic wardrobe. But at last, if Jungkook is nothing at the very least, the male is whipped to the core for his husband.
Hence, now he makes sure to wear it on every (small) special occasions all for that beautiful boxy smile Taehyung gives, the cheeky way he says ‘I told you, bambi you look absolutely hot and cute like this, can we fuck right now?’
To which the alpha just elbowed him in the ribs with a promised ‘Later Wian’.
Jungkook smiled to himself at the thought of all the nights they've been tangled up in their bed. He took his phone out to send a quick message to his husband.
Jungkook ; I'm here ^_^ I just reached the university campus
The alpha put his phone back in his back pocket as the male climbed out of his seat, jogging his way to Taehyung’s department. Taehyung was a professor of criminal psychology, his omega always have been a crime story enthusiast and hence the profession.
Jungkook jogs his way to Taehyung’s department, a smile stretching on his lips when he gets a notification. The alpha slows down as he pulls his phone out to see a series of notifications popping up with the name “Wian” with a heart and puppy eyes emoji.
He opens the app, biting his lips to hold back the smile from the series of keyboard smashes.
Taehyung : KDHKSNSKS
Taehyung : WHAT DO YOU MEAN HERE? MKSHSK HERE AS IN WHERE?
Jungkook chuckled to himself.
Jungkook : Outside your department ofc >.<
Taehyung: ksjdksn WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO PICK ME UP??? BAMBI!!!
Jungkook : can you stop shouting at me T-T I just wanted to surprise you geez
Taehyung : SORRY
Taehyung : I mean sorry… Skjsks srs baby you didn't had to >.<, I could come back home on my own anyway
Jungkook : And not be able to hug you for another couple of hours? Nah. I miss you too much T-T
Jungkook smiles to himself when the omega sends him a bunch of heart with an arrow emoji, resuming his walk till he is standing in front of the entrance of Taehyung’s building
Jungkook : Are you coming out??
Taehyung : I have a few things to make sure tho :(( We just reached here so I need to take the attendance of everyone and inform them about some assignments and shit. Can you wait for a few minutes baby? :(
Jungkook : Ofc baby get your work done yeah? I’ll wait outside <3
Taehyung : thanks! Love you bambi
Jungkook : love you too baby
The alpha puts his phone back in his back pocket as he goes to lean against a pillar adjacent to the entrance of the building, he shoves his hands in his jeans pocket. Jungkook ignored the few students sitting on the small stairs of the entrance, busy with their phones and books.
There were students passing by as well, busy in their talks and phones as they made their way to their particular classes. Jungkook nodded in acknowledgement when he recognized one or two of them as his husband's students.
He was in his own thoughts when a particular sound pierced his hearing sense’s isolation, Jungkook freezed when that sound registered in his brain.
A series of gunshot.
Jungkook spinned his head so hard one should be worried about the fact that he didn't accidentally snap his neck. His eyes zeroed on the device in the hand of the student and the Alpha cursed under his breath. Phone. It’s coming from a fucking phone. That beta — as Jungkook guessed by his scent -- was playing a game on his phone.
Some poor imitation of pubg as the game itself has been banned in their country. Jungkook screwed his eyes shut as he tried to calm his racing heart.
It’s just a game.
He quoted the sentence over and over like a mantra in his head, turning his hands into a fist in hopes of hiding what kind of Fucked up things were going on inside his head. Screams of terror echoing inside his head as death danced behind his close lids. Limbs with no body spread around him with blood pouring out like water, fog of thick carbon dioxide making the scene a little more authentic to the war scene that happened years ago.
He knows it's just his brain, just the fucked up part inside him who is refusing to differentiate between a memory and a reality. His memory is becoming his present while his present fades away somewhere in between the darkness of his mind.
It's just a fucking game, snap out of it jungkook!.
The alpha growled to himself, silently praying that no one heard the noises he let out, the hands which we're in his pockets now against his legs, he started punching the pillar by his closed fist in a constant rhythm, hoping for the sound to distract him enough to pull him out of the black hole he seems to be falling into.
Beads of sweat forms, rolling down his temple and getting soaked inside the tangle of his long strands of hair. Jungkook grits his teeth, increasing the mantra louder than before wishing for it to drown out the screams and gunshots.
The alpha tries to not smile when slowly the scenes start to fade away, when slowly the screams and gunshot decreases their volume. He takes in deep breaths to let himself know that no one is suffocating him, he doesn't need to hide inside a water tank, holding his breath so they wouldn't find him.
He was the doctor there, not the soldier. In a case like this, he needed to hide, not fight, that's what he was told. He didn't have any experience on how to use a gun on an actual werewolf. He knows the basic mechanics, the book written stuff, no experience, only what was needed to be passed as a medical doctor for the military.
And even though if he had the experience of using a gun regularly, he would have been too shaken to shoot someone, too scared of watching someone bleed because of him, of someone dying by his hands.
Maybe that made him a coward, a disgrace to the alpha title but he couldn't care less. He wasn't cut out for this, wasn't cut out for a war .
So when the dreadful time came, Jungkook hid himself and he kept himself hidden till the soldiers of the rival country found him.
He doesn't even know why the fuck he is thinking about all that now, he really fucking shouldn't because at this point, he doesn't even know if it’s his mind hallucinating or everything is actually happening with him all over again.
“Hey, he must be hiding in that corner, let’s go from the other door”
Jungkook growled to himself when the scenes which were fading away came back with full force.
Suddenly he saw himself, hiding in a corner, tears streaming down his face as he cupped his mouth to not let a single sound out. The same small click of shoes echoed near his ears, his own heartbeat thumping so loud he was worried the whole world could hear it.
Heart in his mouth as he waited for the person on the opposite side to find him. Jungkook closed his eyes in defeat when those men found him, snickering behind their mask with big guns pointed at Jungkook.
The alpha was captured.
It's the end, it's the absolute end and he knows it. He’s gonna die sooner or later.
He knows the ultimate thing which awaits him is death even though they didn't kill him right away, even if they had captured him for now like the couple of his peers to get information out of them. It doesn't matter if Jungkook or the rest give them information or not, they’ll kill them nonetheless.
They purposely decided to take doctors and nurses with them as they would be easier to break than an actually well trained militant. It’s easier to get information out of Jungkook and his peers. It's easier to break them and then dispose of them, the government doesn't care that much either.
Maybe it was the numbness of the reality settling in or maybe it was the pain of what awaited for him or maybe it was the fear of the torture he’ll be going through in order to stay loyal with his country.
Whatever it was, it has triggered his wolf. Jungkook remembers the pain he had felt when his body had started to transform, his bones started to crack and fur started to grow on his body, eyes turning red as canines started growing. The pain of it, the screams he let out when the sound of his bones cracking started to pound in his ears as if it was happening all over again.
Werewolves don't turn into wolves now, it used to happen in ancient times, when there were packs and the human side was more connected to forest and nature. When they were more connected to their wolf side.
The more their world evolved, the less connected to their wolves' side werewolves were. The more lost they touch with nature the harder it becomes to connect with their primal side, the ‘beast’ side. One could even consider them humans at this point as they thought the connection with a person’s wolf has totally gone extinct but that wasn't the case.
Some people, people like Jungkook, still hold a connection with their wolves. Maybe not with the same intensity it has been 200 or 300 years ago but it was still there inside him. He has been connected with nature all his life. Jungkook was born and brought up in busan, he has grown up running in the forest, swimming in lakes and beaches.
He's still connected with his wolf, it's not that strong, not like he can talk to his wolf but he could feel him at the back of his head, another conscious inside his head. He could feel his emotions if they were based on his primal needs. Survival, a mate and family, food for them.
That's what his wolf’s main focus was and when it concerned those, his wolf was present. He had an effect on Jungkook’s decision making and solely the wolf’s decisions weren't always so pretty. The wolf was away from the norms of society. He knew attack and defence, that's all.
So when it was an attack to one of his basic primal needs, of his survival. His wolf took charge of the situation. Normally, Jungkook could control his urges to shift, he barely shifted like once or twice in two or three years since the shifting is painful and it takes a lot of time for him to heal so over time he had control over when he wanted to shift. But he was too overwhelmed to understand what was happening until it was too late.
He didn't come to his senses, his wolf had blocked him out of the system. His royal dark blue wolf stood all mighty in front of those soldiers, red eyes screaming nothing but the recklessness to see blood.
The wolf growled, his canines out, snarling at the people in front of him who looked like they were two seconds away from pissing themselves. His eyes skimmed over everyone, looking for his prey and the first person to tear open.
Jungkook in his human form might be not so strong but oh his wolf form? That was another case. This was one of the reasons he got accepted into the military. One of the specialties of the Korean military was they did not just take the strength of the human into consideration but also, how connected they are with their wolf forms.
The more connected with your wolf forms you are, the more the chances of you getting selected becomes. The wolf gave a wolfish smirk when his eyes zeroed over a male, looking at him with a mixture of fear and challenge.
One shouldn't look into a wolf’s eyes, it's considered as a challenge to a wolves strength but most of the people don’t know that, too arrogant to know about their true nature and hence when that guy kept the eye contact, Jungkook’s wolf took it as a personal offence to show his power, his own dominance.
Jungkook’s wolf took slow steps towards him, they all could see him but by his nature, the wolf kept his steps inaudible, no sound coming out of him as if he was absolutely calm and hadn't thought of digging his sharp teeths on his flesh and tearing the male into half.
At the back of his head, all the wolf could think about was his mate and how he is far away from here, safe and sound. Just like it should be. The wolf grinned devilishly, only a few steps away from pouncing on him. He bended a little ready to jump when–
“JUNGKOOK”
The wolf flinched, not sure from where the voice came from, he shook his head considering the voice to be nothing more than that of a hallucination of his head.
“Jungkook”
“Hey! Jungkook, Koo, hey Look at me” If it was possible, the wolf must be frowning in confusion, he looked around at the light whiff of almond and blossoms.
The scent of his mate.
The alpha wolf looked around, trying to find his mate. A little angry, a little confused and a little bit of fear was making their place in his head.
Angry because he should have checked to make sure his mate was nowhere near close to him. Confused because he was in the borders, supposedly miles away from his mate so how can he detect his scent in the air? And scared because they were surrounded by enemies, he wasn't sure if he could completely protect his mate from any and all kinds of harm.
The wolf raised his nose to detect where the scent was coming from, his blood red eyes snapped towards the left side to see his mate running towards him.
An inhumane growl left from his mouth, snarling at everyone around Taehyung, his stance turning that one of a defence and attack. A position which would be in his favour regardless of what actions he needs to take.
“Bambi, hey, Can you look at me?” Taehyung whispered with a little fear in his voice.
He was fucking scared of seeing Jungkook in his wolf form, the last time it happened, let's just say that was the most painful time of their relationship. And to see him again? Those big blood red eyes, his dark blue fur which almost looked black under the light.
It brought those memories back which the omega would rather forget and act like it never happened. He gulped down, keeping his tears and changing scent at bay for the sake of all the students around him.
Jungkook was going through an episode, something must have triggered him to the point he shifted and didn't even know who he was going after or where he was. Taehyung knows about this, during their couple therapy, the therapist had told him such episodes can happen.
There can be times Jungkook would be so immersed in his trauma that he wouldn't know what's happening around him, for him, inside his head he's back to that exact moment, that exact time of past and he'll act according to that. That would be the only reason the alpha would shift, his brain considers that particular time to be life threatening. In his brain, he's back to the war camp and he needs to survive, whatever it takes to be alive that is.
Severe PTSD could do that to you.
Jungkook didn't have normal PTSD, it was heavily inside him, the trauma and his bones were one, the blood running inside him was one with his trauma and it would stay with him for his life. Taehyung had to do heavy work along with the therapist to know what to do in such cases.
Sure, he was a criminal psychologist but his specialty was more on antisocial personality disorders than this. He had a vague idea but of course he's not the specialist.
First thing that he needed to do was call Jungkook’s name over and over. It could help one in breaking out of that episode, make them realise that they aren't back to that traumatic event.
Second thing that Taehyung needed to do was scent him, he was Jungkook’s mate, his scent would sooth the alpha down. It'll help him know that he is safe and sound and again, it'll help in breaking out of the episode.
If he was in a public place and if he had shifted like now, Taehyung needed to get him to an isolated place. No one knows what scenario Jungkook is stuck in, he could be a harm to others and himself and hence Taehyung needed to get him alone and be there for him, slowly guide him to get out of that episode, that event.
Taehyung shouted at everyone to get out, run inside the building and lock the door so Jungkook wouldn't hurt anyone. He kept his eyes on the alpha wolf, one hand raised forward as he slowly walked towards the confused wolf ignoring the warnings that came from the students around.
If it was any other time the omega would have laughed with jungkook about how the scene looked so familiar with that of Toothless finally letting hiccup touch him from the movie how to train a dragon.
But it wasn't the time to think of that, he was a bit too nervous to think about that and found the situation amusing, maybe in future he will laugh about it but not now. For now, he needs to take the wolf away from the place so he takes slow steps towards the wolf.
The wolf growled in warning but his stance was rather protective than defensive, maybe the alpha recognized Tae or at least recognized his mate. Taehyung fought the smile trying to stretch on his lips.
He made sure to keep eye contact with the wolf, normally it would be a sign of disrespect but he was Jungkook’s mate. Keeping eye contact while they're a bit far away was a way of showing that the omega was okay, that Jungkook didn't have to worry about him. He's fine, he's okay.
When they were about 5 inches away was when Taehyung let his eyes fall down a little, keeping his head down in submission. The wolf growled in approval as slowly he started to relax but still kept himself on guard.
Before Jungkook could reach forward to lick his hand or nuzzle it, Taehyung took a step backward. Even if it seemed like he had the wolf under control and all the students present around safely inside the faculty, no one knew what would happen hence he's getting him out of here.
The wolf tilted his head, as if trying to understand how he didn't reach it. If it was possible for a wolf to frown, maybe his face would be pulled up in a frown, maybe a pout too, just like the way Jungkook does everytime Taehyung refuses to give him attention.
The wolf tries to reach forward again and once again taehyung takes a step back, biting off the smile as The wolf growls playfully, almost whining. Who knew the wolf would be so adorable, slowly Taehyung felt the fear slip away from his veins and instead endearment took its place as they repeated the same thing over and over.
After all, regardless of his last encounter with the wolf, he was still Jungkook. His Jungkook, his mate, his alpha so he let himself relax.
This was his Jungkook after all, the same Jungkook taehyung fell in love with, the same one who decides to drop his heavy body on him, sitting comfortably on his lap, munching on a fruit as he watches Taehyung work on some papers with his wide doe eyes. The same Jungkook who would strip him off of all his clothes and hold him tight, pepper with sweet kisses and even sweeter confession and words of comfort when things get too hard for the omega.
It's the same Jungkook, his Jungkook is just a wolf instead of a human.
They're very close to the garage now, the same one where Jungkook parks his car every time. Honestly, Taehyung is a bit surprised that the wolf didn't jump on him even if he still hasn't let the wolf touch him. Unlike the last time.
A part of him thinks maybe the animal in front of him is perceiving this as a game, one he is quite enjoying himself.
Taehyung couldn't help but chuckle at his wide excited eyes, tail wagging from side by side, tongue lolling out as he gives playful growls and whines every time Taehyung steps backward.
Without breaking eye contact, Taehyung slowly reached out for his pocket, trying to pull out the bunch of keys. Both of them always had spare keys for all of their locks, home, car, bike, lockers. Everything.
He sighed in relief when slowly his hands pressed over the keys from above the fabric of his jeans. The omega quickly pulled it out and pressed the unlock button.
Taehyung looked up for a second to hear the click of the car being unlocked and a familiar flicker of the car lights. The wolf, however, took the opportunity and leapt forward.
A gasp left from Taehyung’s lips and for a second,the omega was scared but then his eyes fell down as he felt a warm lick over his skin, but as he had expected the lick on his hands, the lick was on his abdomen instead. When the initial shock settled in, Taehyung chuckled softly.
“Alright, you big bad wolf, let's get inside the car so I can have my human back” Taehyung murmured to himself and he mindlessly went to pat the wolf’s head, totally ignoring his actions.
It seems like the wolf didn't understand what he said because he gave a happy yelp and wagged his tail even more. Taehyung couldn't help but grin back as he slowly, with (not so) little efforts dragged the wolf towards his car because it seems like the Navy blue wolf would rather just stand there and nuzzle Taehyung’s abdomen.
The omega sighed in relief when they were successfully inside the solace of their car. Taehyung sat along with the wolf in the cramped up space, cramped because the big wolf almost took the whole back seat leaving little to no space for the omega to sit comfortably.
He was hovering over Taehyung, not like the omega was complaining, it gave him easy access to the wolf’s scent gland around his neck. Taehyung closed his eyes as he shoved his nose in his fur, inhaling the addictive smell of peppermint.
Taehyung closed his eyes, trying to reach out to Jungkook through Jungkook Wolf's. Being mated to an alpha who was close to his own wolf had its own perks, it leads to Taehyung being able to connect with Jungkook more, on a spiritual level one can say.
Taehyung closed his eyes, blindly reaching for the mating mark, mating marks is not something which is practiced anymore because the wolves don't have that kind of immunity anymore, especially not omegas but since Jungkook is close to his wolf and Taehyung’s wasn't. The wolf needed a kind of reassurance, anything which made it clear for the other wolves that they belong to each other.
One marking the other would complete the mating bond and their scents would be blended together as an indication to other wolves that they're off limits so Taehyung had marked Jungkook, a bite mark resting beautifully at his neck.
The wolf purred, laying on his belly as he leaned on Taehyung’s lap. He shoved his snot in the omega’s belly, closing his eyes as Taehyung scratched his ears.
“Shift, my love, you're safe. It's okay, your omega is here” Taehyung whispered softly, the wolf whined. As if he doesn't want to let the omega go, to think this was the same wolf who was ready to commit a blood bath feels laughable to the omega.
“It's fine, I'm safe, we're safe. You can shift, let the human come out my bambi, it's alright” Tar whispered against his ear, kissing the top of his furry head.
The omega tied his tongue down when he slowly watched Jungkook transform, afraid of letting out any sound. He watched as bones cracked, the fur going back, the face slowly transforming back to a human face. The transformation makes Taehyung feel like puking because of just how painful and ugly it seems.
He watches as slowly claws turned into hands, fur turning into flesh, it's like watching a video of a skeleton turning into a human. The omega sucks in a breath when The wolf completely transformed into his mate, his Jungkook.
“Bambi…” Taehyung whispered, hooking his fingers to lift Jungkook’s chin. The little bit of oxygen that was left inside of him seemed to get out of his lungs at the view in front of him.
Jungkook was there, in flesh, in his human form, yet he wasn't, dark circles around his eyes, lips quivering, shoulders hunched, body shivering as if it was a fine December night. It was almost as if he had aged about 5 years in just a span of half an hour. Tears filled his dazed, confused eyes. Fear, that's what his face was holding.
Fear, confusion, sadness, disgust and so many emotions he couldn't even put a name too, but in between of all this emotions, one dominated him the most.
The pain of the transformation.
It's easy to transform into a wolf from a human but to reverse it, to get back in the human form is just another definition of pain. Taehyung felt like crying as he stared at Jungkook, his mate… He looked so terrified, looking around, his Hands frantically roaming over his body as if he didn't felt like himself inside his own body, as if someone was clutching his guts from inside, scratching at his skin, ready to tore him apart to come out.
“Jungkook…” Tae cupped his face, wiping out the warm tear falling from his eyes.
“W-what did I d-do?”
“No-nothing,” The alpha shook his head frantically.
“I defi-definitely did something! Why am I here? Tae, what did I do? Did I hurt someone? Tae? Please tell me! Was someone harmed. I s-swear I tried to control it! I really did, please believe me I never meant to—”
“Shushhh…” The omega pulled him closer, hugging the alpha by his side. His nudity not bothering Taehyung even in the slightest.
“Trust me, love, you did nothing. No one was harmed, everyone is safe.”
“Every-veryone?”
Tae nods against him, “Yes, everyone. No one was harmed. You didn't let him harm anyone, yeah?”
The omega watched how visibly the stress seeped out of his body. Still a bit stiff, but definitely a progress. He sighed, clutching on Taehyung’s arm as the alpha pressed himself deeper on Taehyung’s chest.
“I— I'm so sorry Tae! I swear I di-didn’t mean to! I never want you to see him again. Not after what happened, I swear! I just—”
“Shushhhh, Calm down my love. It's okay, everything is fine. You're fine I'm fine, we're fine hm?” Jungkook hiccups, nodding slightly though he made absolutely no efforts to get away or try to cover himself.
The alpha took his wrist, nuzzling it trying to seek comfort in his mate, trying to dig his scent out. Watching his desperate attempts, Taehyung realised that he still had his own pheromones blocked. It must be frustrating the alpha for not having any source of his sweet almond blossom
The omega took a deep breath before releasing calming pheromones, letting the scent of blossom dominate their congested car. He couldn't help but smile when Jungkook started to release his own calming pheromones, a little hint of burn present in it but still it managed to calm the omega.
They stayed like that for a good minute, letting themselves get consumed by the sweet mixture of their scent before Taehyung tried to move away, making the alpha growl in annoyance and tighten his hold.
“What are you doing?”
“I need to go out baby”
“No, why?”
“I need to take my bag and make sure to pick up your stuff, baby, wallet and all. They must have fallen somewhere when you transformed. I'll be back in a minute” Jungkook nodded in understanding but made no attempt to pull away.
“Bambi.. Let me go” At last, unwillingly and with a grumpy murmur he pulled away, looking down at fast.
“Come back fast” Taehyung smiles, taking Jungkook’s chin. He peaks his lips with a smile before opening the car and getting away.
And as Jungkook watches his retreating back, he hopes the voices inside his head will take some mercy on him.
➳༻❀✿❀༺➳
Taehyung bites his lips as he glances at Jungkook. The older hasn't spoken a word since he has came back. Normally, Taehyung wouldn't be worried about the silence around them. In fact, they're as used to each other's silence as they are to each other's words.
The silence around them is always comfortable, years of being each other has made Even their silence a kind of sync which works in harmony. But this, this one feels rather tense, suffocating.
The alpha just keeps on staring outside of the window, his scent is neutral but Taehyung knows better than to judge his mood by his scent. The alpha is good at controlling his scent when he wants to.
After what happened, Taehyung knows that Jungkook is thinking and those thoughts are anything but good.
Taehyung’s hand searches for the alpha’s, he interlaced them together and squeezed it in reassurance making Jungkook look up at him.
“What happened, bambi?”
Jungkook shakes his head, “Nothing”
Taehyung sighs, he parks the car at the roadside. He removed his seat belt as he completely turns towards the alpha.
“Tae what—”
“Look at me, Bambi” A furrowed brow Jungkook looks at Taehyung, his confusion written all over his face.
“What's going on, bub” Taehyung whispers softly, eyes holding nothing but understanding and kindness. “What are you thinking, tell me. Tell your omega, alpha”
“I just…” Jungkook looks down, fidgeting with his fingers. He sighs.
“Why don't you get tired of me? Don't you see the baggage I come with? Why can't you just leave me, Tae. This won't ever end. The voices inside my head would never end. I can't offer you anything except pain and hardships. Heck, I promised that you'll never have to see him but you had to see him again, today. I don’t even know what you must have gone through while dealing with him. I just— I just don't understand why you want to stay with me! Why do you still hold me like I'm the centre of your universe?” Jungkook whispers, his lower lip quivering as a lone tear falls.
“Because…” Taehyung smiles, leaning forward to wipe out the tear away, his dainty fingers going to graze the mating mark his Jungkook proudly wears.
The Alpha shudders, his shoulders hunching up as he starts to lean at one side. Let the omega come forward and wrap his arms around his shoulders pulling him against his strong chest.
“For an Eternity, I've promised to hold you tight, my love.” Taehyung whispers.
“Because I love you, because the moment I said ‘I do’ I bind myself to you, for the best and the worst. For rich and poor, for good and bad. Because I love you so much I'm ready to face every hardship if it means I get to be the one to call you mine.” Taehyung smiles against his hair.
“I didn't even think of that when I was with him, love. All I saw was you, scared, hurted, confused. So eager to protect me. It's okay, love.”
“R-really? You're n-not lying to me about it?” Taehyung shakes his head, tilting Jungkook’s head to peak his lips.
“I swear to myself, bambi. I am fine. Don't ever think of me leaving you, I don't think I'll survive my love”
Jungkook nods and hugs him tighter.
“I love you” he whispers brokenly.
“I love you too”
“Also... Sorry Tae”
“For what?”
“Your favorite shirt... I teared it” taehyung chuckled, he gives the alpha a teasing smile.
“I guess it's a sign from moon goddess to me to buy you more shirts like that“ and all Jungkook could do was groan but as he hugs the omega harder, he doesn't find himself minding it even a little bit. If it means he can have his omega smiling.
➳༻❀✿❀༺➳
“ Then I uhm… I shifted” Jungkook fidgeted with his fingers, looking down at his own hands. He doesn't have the courage to look up at Jimin.
Jungkook still has his sessions once a week. For the last three years he has been in therapy and yes, three years since he has been out of the battlefield. At start, he had his sessions everyday along with physiotherapy for his damaged body parts. Luckily, their time on someone who is making zero progress?
“You shifted?” The neutral voice of Jimin echoed in his office. This was one of the reasons Jungkook was so nervous. Jimin didn't have a scent like an omega or an alpha. It was both a blessing and a curse. Jungkook just couldn't tell what he was thinking and he was too much of a coward to look at him and try to read his face. Not like his face would be able to give a lot.
The alpha nodded, “Yeah… I shifted”
“What happened after that?”
“I don't remember much, my wolf had kinda locked me out” Jimin hums in understanding, taking some notes.
“I don't know what exactly happened. What I do know is I was nearly going to attack one of the students but Tae came in time and helped me out. He kept my wolf’s focus on himself and got us on parking lot, alone then he followed the necessary steps to get me to shift”
Jimin nods, “Did it affect you after? Once the initial reaction settled in”
Jungkook nodded, “Perhaps, yeah. When we were going back home I was getting negative thoughts and was going down the rabbit hole of self pity and insecurity. Thinking that Taehyung would leave me, that he has realised that I'm just not worth it, he can do much better than me and stuff but by next day when I woke up to my omega curled up to me, his sweet scent mixed up with mine I think I was able to put those voices at end.”
“I see, Would you like to let me know what made you think that?”
Jungkook shrugs, “I don't know. When I shifted back to my human form. Tae stayed with me for some time then he left to take his stuff… I guess I started to feel abandoned?? I don't know I just felt like he's leaving me or something”
“Do you believe in it now? That he'll leave you?”
Jungkook shakes his head, “We love each other too much to do that”
Jimin smiles, “I'm glad to know that you trust your partner as well as your bond” Jungkook smiles heartily.
“Were the days after that fine? Normally the way they go? Any nightmares? Any change in your behavior you noticed?”
Jungkook shakes his head, “Nothing major. I had a couple of nightmares when Taehyung was away but we have talked about that. I think I was pretty much normal.”
Jimin nods, taking the notes he probably would need in order to update his report regarding Jungkook. Once he's done, he sets the clipboard down and looks at Jungkook. He doesn't bother asking Jungkook to look at him, it's fine if they don't maintain eye contact as long as Jungkook is in his comfort to talk.
“Alright, Jungkook, would you like to tell me what observations you've made regarding the whole past few days”
The alpha thinks for a moment before he speaks hesitantly. “That I made n-no progress”
Jimin keeps his patient smile, “I do not agree on that, consider rethinking over it, Jungkook. Give yourself more credit over it. You certainly made more progress than you think”
The alpha rubs his temple, not sure of what the beta was hoping for him to say. “Uh… that I knew what I had to do?”
“Yes, that's correct. You were aware of what was happening and took the measures you had to which itself is a huge progress from the last time. You should give yourself credit for that, Jungkook”
The alpha shrugs, “It was of no use since I couldn't control him anyway”
“If I'm correct you said you were almost out of it but then the words he said triggered you which you could not control” Jungkook nods looking up at the beta.
“So if I speak clearly then you have almost got yourself out of that episode without any help, right?” he nods again, not sure of where the beta is going with it.
“Jungkook, I hope you do realise that you basically survived an episode all on your own . If it wasn't for those words, you and I would have been talking about how you nearly don't need any of my help any more. You're doing extremely good alone and that's something you should appreciate yourself over.”
“But… I wasn't able to come out of it exactly” Jungkook argues stubbornly, still wanting to make jimin see that he's not worthy of the efforts the beta is trying to put in this.
“I would not disagree on that aspect, Jungkook. What I can agree on is that, I know we can easily work on that and improve on it. However, I do want you to remember this, Jungkook. Someone saying the exact words line by line which will trigger you does not happen, it's very rare so it is work for you to not be able to handle it. You've already made a great progress throughout this 3 years and that's admirable in itself”
Jungkook bites his lips as he nods, after that, they talk some more until the time is over and Jungkook gets up to leave.
“Oh also, Jungkook” The alpha turns towards the beta.
“What is it?” Jungkook bites his lips, feeling slightly nervous.
Jimin smiles, “I do not wish to force you on this, Jungkook but I think we should start talking about… . That as well”
For a second, Jungkook freezes. But then he nods, sniffles.
“Yeah” He clears his throat, “Yeah, we should. I'm sorry I just…”
“You do not need to apologize, Jungkook. I understand that it's hard for you to talk about it. I do not wish to pressurize you but it's essential for you to truly move on”
Jungkook smiles in understanding, he nods.
“Thanks Jimin, Maybe we can start it by next week”
Now it was Jimin who was smiling wide, his eyes turning crescent, making it hard to look.
“I'll love that” And with that, Jungkook walks out with another nod.