Chapter Text
He wasn’t breathing. Blood seeped through Dazai’s fingers. Suddenly he was taken back to Odasaku, holding him just like this.
“Damn it…” He didn’t look up from the body of his protege. He could see Chuuya tightening his hold on Atsushi’s hand. His cold hand. “DAMN IT!”
Dazai shared the sentiment. Atsushi was something important to them, they got attached. And how funny that sentence was. ‘Was’, meaning past tense. Atsushi was a thing in the past now. Dazai knew better than to get attached; he knew.
That didn’t stop the tears sliding down his face, and that felt so unnatural to him. He never cried, the last time he did…
Atsushi’s eyes were open. Blood trickled down his nose and chin and a gaping hole took up most of his abdomen. He was pale, too pale. A ring of bruises formed around his neck and wrists; and he was cold. Atsushi was never cold. He had the tiger.
Dazai briefly wondered if he would have not died had he not held him. Logically, there was no saving him. His entire organ system is different from an arm or leg.
That didn’t stop him from blaming himself however.
“God- FUCK. What- what are we going to fucking tell Akutagawa?” Dazai froze. That’s right. They were together, weren’t they. Dazai held Atsushi closer.
“I’ll take very good care of him! Don’t you worry about your tiger~” Dazai laughed as he pat Atsushi on the head as he flushed in embarrassment.
“Thank you, Dazai.” Akutagawa muttered.
Would you look at that. Dazai was just full of lies, wasn’t he. He couldn’t even-
Chuuya jumped up, activating his ability as they heard footsteps rushing towards him.
“Stand down. It’s the agency.” Dazai said, not taking his eyes off of the body. They had been here long after the event, how long Dazai couldn’t tell.
“Dazai! Why in the world-…” Kunikidai trailed off as he stared at the scene in front of him.
What a cruel world this is.
When they returned to the agency, people asked questions. Where was Atsushi? Was does Dazai look upset? Why was Kunikidai on the verge of tears? Why was Chuuya there holding Dazai? No one’s questions were answered until they gathered everyone in the meeting room.
Akutagawa was there as well.
Immediately, as soon as Ranpo walked in, he took off his cap and looked at the floor. His expression uncharacteristically somber.
“Why are we here, exactly?” Akutagawa huffed as he leaned back into his chair. Kyouka nodded in agreement.
Dazai looked away, composing himself but still didn’t look Akutagawa in the eyes.
“The mission… was not a success. The information was not retrieved. Atsushi Nakajima…” Dazai grit his teeth.
“In the battle against other ability users, Atsushi was killed in action.” The room was silent for a moment. The room stilled, all actions and talking paused. Then Kyoka screamed. A heart wrenching noise for her savior, an older brother figure for her. Yosano hugged the girl, tears and makeup streaming down her own face.
Kenji hugged himself and shook his head in disbelief. How could the world be so cruel to someone as kind and strong as Atsushi?
Junichirou held Naomi close in a shaking embrace. Atsushi became one of his most dearest friends. Risking their lives for eachother brought them close, and they continued to bond from there.
Fukuzawa clenched his fists. He has failed to keep everyone safe again. What a poor excuse of a leader he was.
Kunikidai slammed the table, sending papers flying. He was too late… Again. He was never fast enough. Had he come sooner maybe, just maybe he would be alive.
Ranpo knew from the instant he saw Dazai’s face, and the lack of Atsushi that he was gone. And now? Now Ranpo would never be able to tease him again. Ride the train together. Stop by the candy store. Solve cases. All of it was made impossible, cause the dead can’t come back. No way to turn back time.
Akutagawa was still. He hadn’t dared to move, to breath, to emote. His mind drew blank. His thoughts were fuzzy, cause how could this be possible? Atsushi was strong. He just didn’t die. He didn’t. He couldn’t, because that would mean that the man who loved him, who understood, who chose him was gone; and Akutagawa wasn’t there. He died and Akutagawa was off what? Bathing? Eating? On a mission? He wasn’t there and he should have been.
Akutagawa was pulled into a hug. It was Dazai, of all people. It was warm, and comfortable. Things he associated not with Dazai but Atsushi-
“I’m sorry. I didn’t keep him safe.” Akutagawa collapsed into his arms, sinking to the floor. Tears broke free from his eyes. He clutched the back of his mentor’s coat and buried his face, uncaring of the tears now staining the tan fabric. It didn’t make sense. Atsushi was supposed to come back. He promised to make him his favorite meal, and they would watch another crappy movie and laugh at it and… And everything would be right. This felt wrong- it WAS wrong.
He let himself be guided to a couch. Akutagawa wrapped his arms around his knees and he buried his head in his arms, just to find some semblance of comfort. He flinched as an arm wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him in. He glanced up at Chuuya who sported a soft expression.
“Hey, kid.” Chuuya rubbed his arm.
“It can’t- he can’t be… he’s not gone… Chuuya? Please.” Chuuya wanted to cry. The way Akutagawa looked at him, with such uncharacteristic fragility. Like he could break at any moment.
If Chuuya was honest, he saw them like his own children. He lost one, and the other was tearing at the seams. He knew he couldn’t protect everyone he loved, but in this moment he felt useless as he wrapped another arm around him and whispered apologies. The red haired man couldn’t stand the way Akutagawa felt so weak in his arms, when he was always so strong. He looked up at Dazai and mouthed for him to get Gin over here. He nodded back at Chuuya and pulled out his phone, going into a different room. Chuuya needed a large glass of wine…
But the kiddo never liked it when he drank. He would have hovered over him, ready to stop him before he drank to much. Chuuya knew when to stop, but Atsushi was endearing. It’s been a long time since he had someone show such open and blatant care for him. Atsushi was a good person, not because he forced himself or had an agenda. He was just good. Cause he could be, and liked helping people. If anyone deserved death, Atsushi was the last candidate in Chuuya’s mind.
When Gin arrived, she was shocked at how devastated her brother was. Right as she almost ran to him Dazai caught her arm.
“Gin.” He whispered. “I need to tell you what happened first.” She nodded at him, allowing herself to be led out of earshot. (Not that Ryuunosuke would be able to hear them in his state, anyways.)
When Dazai told her what happened, Gin felt her stomach drop. Atsushi was too good for this world, and loved her brother as much as Ryuu loved him. No wonder he was so torn up. This time when Gin raced back into the room Dazai didn’t stop her.
Gin murmured the distraught siblings name, alerting him of her presence before she settled in around him as Chuuya pulled away. Ryuunosuke clung onto her, unusually touchy as of now.
“Gin… At- He’s gone…” Gin rubbed his back soothingly.
“I know, I know.” Atsushi was gone.
And Gin didn’t know what to do.
Suddenly, the world around them went fuzzy with static, then black