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It's that familiar itch in the back of your throat. You want to say something. Anything…
"I didn't know…"
You did know. You'd always known.
It was written on his face plain as day from the moment you'd met, and there was never any doubt in your mind that things would change. Benjamin is looking at you and he's asking a million questions with those eyes of his. Those lost sad eyes full of stars and inky black
"Hmmf" Benjamin breathes through his nose and cocks a small, sad smirk. You know he knows you're lying. You can't keep anything from one another. What was this but a well rehearsed script between the two of you, actors in your own demented play.
"I love you Ben. I love you. Do you understand that?"
You watch him, he's forcing himself to ease his large upturned brows. His teeth gnashing together behind his meaty lips as he tries to formulate his expression into something else, something that won't let the fear in his heart claw deep lines into his face.
"This sort of thing, y/n… It's not for someone like you. If something happens to you I'll have to hurt a lot of people. That's what you don't seem to understand."
Bitter bites of laughter erupt from your mouth and Ben just stays patient for you, his expression stilled.
"What's one more Ben? What's a thousand more?"
Pulling his hands towards you, using them to cup your face and rub your cheek against the callused grain.
"Stop."
"Benjamin…"
You're underneath the brown blood stained white sheet together.
The heated aura of Ben's presence mimicking the sun turned black. On the precipice of chaos he holds you aloft, so gently, gentler than he thought god would allow. His vast gaze eats you alive, and you are lost inside him.
"Y/n…"
The breath between you becomes scarce. The content of two human spirits colliding and melding into hot, sticky tar.
"I don't care if you kill me" whispered out reed thin as your fingers hold the back of Ben's head, entwining the stringy silver locks.
The look Ben gives is something so amusing. It inspires joy in you to surprise him, to say things that he has yet to know you're capable of.
Sinking into each other again, heavy breathed sighs of contented hunger muffled by the weight of the man on top of you.
Hours later, wrapped in half burnt candle glow, the petite touch of rain along the rusted tin roof; you hold each other's hands between you, searching an invisible Ouija board for signs of ghostly answers to what the future will bring.
It does not matter if Ben kills you.
A shadow slain still walks eternally behind.