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Another day, another fight with Diluc, another night spent crying.
It's not as if Kaeya wanted it to be like this. He knows that what he's doing is stupid and hurtful to himself. But when was the last time he cared about what's best for him.
What is best for others always comes first. That is Kaeya's rule. It doesn't matter if he wants to smile, if he wants to flirt and joke. It doesn't matter what he wants, because he's supposed to have his life together. He's supposed to be all smiles and sunshine.
Kaeya isn't stupid, he knows that despite everything, Diluc will know. Diluc knows that he's faking it, that he's forcing himself. But when did that stop him?
It didn't.
It didn't because after all those years apart, Kaeya realized that his existence is for other only. A traitor like him doesn't deserve to be truly happy. To be healthy and have a good night sleep.
He's alive to preform. To put on a show of masks and charm for the people of Mond. Even if for one person. He has to. He just has to.
It's when he's in his room all alone when the curtains are drawn, when the mask and tears fall. Sometimes the tears fall when he's in bed, unable to sleep. Sometimes they fall right away.
Today, they gathered in his eyes, and rolled down his cheeks onto the bed. He doesn't try to stop them. He gave up long ago to do that. He also gave up on trying to stop the thoughts in his head.
Telling him of all the ways he could die right now. All the ways his 'friends' and 'family' would rejoice from his death.
Diluc would be so happy, wouldn't he. Seeing Kaeya not make a single sound, no breathing, no heartbeat. Maybe he'd finally smile again? Could Kaeya make him smile again?
It's not like these thoughts were new, far from it. He's made countless attempts at writing letters to the ones he considered closest. Jean, Diluc, Venti, Rosaria, Albedo, Klee, Lisa, Amber. All their letters were prepared for the big day he finally leaves.
Now he just need to find the courage.
Weak little thing, always so scared.
But he promised, he promised Diluc to give him a surprise till the end of the week. And it was already Friday. So he has to, he promised. He always keeps his promises.
Taking his sword, sitting on his bed he watched his reflection. Tears still falling down. Both his eyes uncovered for the world to see. Hair unkept and lips dropped in a soft frown. He looks like a mess.
He couldn't look at himself and what's become of him.
He pointed the sword at himself and struck.
It hurt, but he expected that.
He felt sleepy, could he dream in peace now? Will he see Master Crepus? Will he accept him still? Just the thought made Kaeya smile and he closed his eyes.
No one could prepare Diluc for finding Kaeya next morning, in his apartment, stabbed with his own sword, smiling as blood left his body.