Work Text:
There is nothing quite like a mating. A marriage is a ceremony, a big celebration full of people, of family and praise. Which is good an all, but it’s nothing like a mating. A marriage could be broken, a mating is neverending. A joining of two souls. Two minds. Two bodies. Alpha and Omega. Bound to one another forever. Never to separate. Never to be apart. A mating was a private moment. A symbol of trust, of love, of faith. A mating bite on an omegas neck, a beautiful jewel to show off. A show of joyous possession. Of belonging. An Alpha’s pride.
Everything about a mating was beautiful, was special.
Up until the Omega slit their Alpha’s throat.
“What is wrong with you.” Tobirama demands. It had been the fifth time that week that Hashirama had ‘accidentally’ invited both Tobirama and Madara out to lunch/dinner/breakfast/brunch/drinks, generally anything Hashirama could reasonably invite them both to and expect them to show up. Tobirama didn’t mind being around Madara, but it wasn’t a particularly enjoyable experience at the moment with the man still visibly irritated at his mere presence.
Not to mention what his chakra does whenever Tobirama is around. It’s, not nice. In fact, it actively makes Tobirama want to turn around and leave, Hashirama be damned.
So, no, Tobirama was not happy Hashirama kept forcing them to hang out. Because Tobirama wasn’t going to leave just because Madara was there because a) Madara would declare it had to do with Tobirama hating Uchiha’s (not true), and b) Madara would be a smug bastard about Tobirama leaving because of him. So. No. Tobirama wasn’t leaving. No matter how much he wanted to. But he was growing irritated.
“That’s such a mean thing to ask.” Hashirama grumbles, face down on his table. Still very much drunk from the night of drinking. Tobirama didn’t drink much with Hashirama, due to needing to be of a relatively level mind to keep him from gambling while inebriated. Madara didn’t have such a barrier, so Tobirama had made a shadow clone to escort him home while Tobirama took Hashirama home once they got kicked out of the bar.
A Nara bar because they’re about the only ones who don’t give enough of a fuck about it being Hashirama and Madara to not kick them out for being belligerent and irritating.
“And yet you have repeatedly decided to invite both myself and Madara out without informing either of us the other would be there.” Tobirama remarks dryly, pouring Hashirama a cup of water. He’s been making sure both Hashirama and Madara ate throughout the night. So he’s not too worried about that, but Hashirama’s penchant for bursting into tears meant Tobirama more or less constantly worried about his hydration.
“I want you two to hang out together.” Hashirama says, blinding patting his hand toward the cup Tobirama had just poured.
“He hates me.” Tobirama states, picking up the cup of water to prevent Hashirama from knocking it over, then grabbing Hashirama’s hand and placing the cup in it.
“He does not.”
“He really does.”
“No.” Hashirama sits up, looking positively dopey, and sipping his water slowly. “He likes you. A lot. He’s just stupid.”
“His charka feels like a storm. An angry storm, around me.” Tobirama points out dryly, resolutely not thinking about his own feelings regarding Madara.
Hashirama nods mullishly, still sipping his water, “Like I said, stupid. He likes you, but he thinks he shouldn’t cause you almost killed Izuna, so he should still hate you, but he loooooves you, so I thought I’d get him to not be stupid by seeing how amazing you are!” Hashiram exclaims smiling brightly. And spilling water everywhere. Wonderful.
Tobirama tosses a tea towel he had grabbed because Hashirama can never drink cleanly when drunk at Hashirama and rolls his eyes. “If your belief is correct, then Madara is aware of how ‘amazing’ I am. What is his issue is Izuna’s view of me. If Izuna still hates me, then he has to too because I’m Izuna’s attempted murderer.” Tobirama explains dryly, unimpressed. Hashirama clearly has a few wires crossed.
“...Huh.” Was the last sound Hashirama made before passing out cold on the table.
Tobirama debated moving him, it would be the nice thing to do to move him to his bed, or at least the couch, or even a laying position, but ultimately he decides to just leave Hashirama as is. His back aches aren’t Tobirama’s problem.
“You’re so meaaaan.” Hashirama whines the next morning, after both tracking Tobirama down and dragging him into the Hokage’s office. Specifically to whine about him being mean, apparently. Because there’s no other reason Tobirama can think of that Hashirama would require him here.
“Isn’t he always?” Tobirama does not sigh at the dig, nor at the fact that they came in without knocking or announcing themselves.
“And why is that here?” Tobirama asks, looking to Hashirama and not Izuna.
He and Izuna didn’t have a bad relationship, by any means. But that was mostly because they talked a little after Izuna’s recovery, decided there was no hard feelings for that specific instance of attempted murder due to it being a battle, and went their separate ways without a care. They’re not friends. But they don’t outright hate one another. Just, ambivalence.
“Tobira, don’t be mean to Izuna.” Hashirama scolds immediately, then smiles brightly, “I wanted to ask you to include Izuna in your experiments.”
“Excuse me?” Izuna, not quite shrieks, but it’s almost there.
Tobirama just drops his face into his hands, and knows exactly why Izuna is here. “Anija. I did not mean this.”
“Oh you suggested this?” Izuna demands, presumably turning to Tobirama, not that Tobirama would know as he is keeping his attention firmly on Hashirama. Mostly out of pettiness. “What am I supposed to be? Your new guinea pig?” And Izuna was fully offended. Wonderful.
“No.” Tobirama refutes, glancing to see just how pissed Izuna was getting, and, yep, very very pissed. Wonderful. “I did not suggest Hashirama involve you in my work, I prefer no one is involved due to the nature of it which is delicate and dangerous.” Tobirama turns his attention back to Hashirama, who was pouting but not looking at all repentant. “What I informed Anija of, when he decided Madara was in love with me but refusing to see it, was that his reaction regarding that would be more related to our relationship than Madara and I’s, so he should stop ‘accidentally’ inviting us to places together.” Tobirama explains pointedly and exasperatedly. He does not want to have this conversation but that was by far the most stupid suggestion Hashirama could have given for them to hang out.
“Ew, why would Madara like you?” Izuna asks, anger gone, and now just judgemental.
Tobirama rolls his eyes, “Ask that one, I still think he’s an idiot.” Hashirama pouts and slouches back in his chair.
“It is a completely reasonable conclusion since Madara’s told me so himself.”
Gee. He didn’t want to share that earlier?
“Did Madara say, in as many words, or are you projecting? Again.” Tobirama asks, arching an eyebrow. He doesn’t actually care- well he does but not right now- he just wants to point out how ridiculous Hashirama is being. And how quickly he jumps to conclusions.
“Yes!”
Oh shit.
“Why?” Izuna asks, and Tobirama feels his eyes on him, and resolutely ignores it.
“How drunk were you two?” Tobirama asks instead. “Because, I would like to remind you. Last week, you tried to profess your love for the tree outside my house. Fully aware you were talking to that specific tree.”
“...It’s a lovely tree.” Hashirama says, bright red.
“Tried?”
“I kept pulling him away. Because he had been drinking for five hours and should’ve been asleep for his meetings the next morning. And instead I got to listen to him whine and cry for an hour about me ‘ripping him away from his one true love’.” Tobirama informs Izuna happily, while Hashirama kept pouting about it. He always hated embarrassing stories about himself, but loves them about others. “Mito was overjoyed when I told her the next morning.” She thought it was hilarious. The tree was now part of their marriage. Mito calls it her ‘Husbands lover’ and refuses to elaborate for anyone.
Genuinely hilarious.
But not the point. Tobirama would honestly prefer Hashirama to stop meddling with his life. He’s content to be alone. He always thought he would be, and he sees no point in that changing. Maybe Hashirama doesn’t use him for the same missions Chichi-ue would, but he still doesn’t see the point in a relationship that wouldn’t work out. Because, honestly, no matter what Hashirama says, it’s highly unlikely Madara cares for Tobirama as he is. More likely, he has made several assumptions about who Tobirama is and what he’s like, and is going to be sorely disappointed that should he put away the anger for a few hours and get to know Tobirama, he’s nothing like that.
“Anyways!” Hashirama squeaks. “He wasn’t that drunk. Like, a bottle in. Not, random professes of love!”
“Well. Aniki has never had good taste.”
Tobirama knows it’s a dig at him. But, also, “I am genuinely curious what disasters Madara has dated for you to say that.” Because that certainty? Not just from Tobirama. Absolutely not.
Izuna smirks, “Well. He hasn’t dated that much, but those he’s been interested in?” Izuna shakes his head, “Oh, every single one has been the worst taste imaginable.”
“That’s very rude.” Hashirama comments.
And is also ignored. “Care to elaborate?” Tobirama asks, genuinely interested. Due to, well, them neither he nor Hashirama really became romantically interested in anyone. Never of note really, perhaps a passing interest of a day, but nothing more. Tobirama refused to allow himself because of his missions, and Hashirama preferred to ignore such things until he was married. The clan head always had an arranged marriage, and Hashirama had felt it would be rude if he went into it with preconceived ideals about who the person he loves should be- or that’s what he told Tobirama at any rate.
Izuna arches an eyebrow, “Have any interesting love stories about this one?” He asks, pointing at Hashirama with his thumb, making Hashirama sigh exasperatedly but doesn’t interrupt.
Tobirama shrugs, “Aside from the tree, unfortunately not. It wasn’t a part of our adolescence.”
Izuna looked, blatantly offended at that. Which, was both surprising and not. “What the fuck does that mean?”
Now, Tobirama could explain this here, and Hashirama would add details as needed when he felt Tobirama was being sparse. But, he was quite done with Hashirama’s office. And Madara was on his way. “As much as I’d love to explain, I was doing things before Hashirama pulled me away. So, we could do this another time, or you can follow me back to my lab.”
“Fuck yes to the lab.” Izuna agrees immediately, which, was a bit surprising considering his previous... aversion. "I’ve been trying to find that fucker for months."
Oh.
That made more sense.
“You are going to be very mad when I show you.” Tobirama states, because his lab isn’t particularly hidden. More of. His house is his lab, he’s just warded it very well. Extremely well. Mito was both impressed and horrified.
Of course, Tobirama’s statement only made Izuna more curious, so they were off to his lab almost immediately. Before Madara could even make it to the Hokage’s floor.
“How in the fuck-” Tobirama ignores Izuna’s outburst, making sure none of the experiments he was working on were in danger of anything, then working on the one he wanted to while Izuna bitches. After a few minutes, Izuna calms himself down or tires himself out, regardless he comports himself back into the blank face calm person Tobirama’s known for years, and demands, “You were going to explain how falling in love wasn’t a thing Senju’s do.”
Tobirama snorts softly, and continues working while he speaks, “It’s not that. It’s something specifically Hashirama and I didn’t do. With our clan, the clan head is always an arranged marriage for the good of the clan. So, since he was young, Hashirama’s known he’s going to marry someone of the clans choosing regardless of his personal preference. So he decided not to form one. He didn’t let himself stop and consider anyone in that way. The only person he’s allowed himself to do so with is Mito, and that was always his plan.”
Izuna makes a few disgruntled/displeased noises, before speaking, “I suppose, in your stupid Senju way, that makes sense.”
“I’m so glad you approve.” Tobirama deadpans, glancing up with a flat expression to show his gratitude, before resuming his work and his explanation, “As for myself. Chichi-ue often had me go on honeypot or seduction missions-”
“What.”
Tobirama ignored Izuna’s blatant surprise and interruption, “I felt it would become an unnecessary hindrance to fall in love, so I prevented myself in much the same way.” Tobirama shrugs, and when Izuna remains silent, he glances up. And almost immediately bursts into laughter at Izuna’s uncomprehending face. Putting his brush down and calming himself before trying to get Izuna’s attention, but finds he’s rather, frozen. It takes a minute, a few snaps in front of his face, for Izuna to come back.
“You on seduction missions?” Izuna exclaims, sounding just as flabbergasted as before.
“I can be seductive.” This was bordering on offensive, honestly. Tobirama didn’t assume Izuna was identical to the person he knew on the battlefield. Similar, yes, as it was a part of him, but he believed Izuna to be capable of other things. Like emotions that weren’t arrogance or conceitedness.
“I-” Izuna doesn’t finish his attempt at a word, just gestures at Tobirama with his hand, clearly at a loss.
“This is becoming insulting.”
Izuna scoffs. “Well excuse me for not seeing the allure of Senju Tobirama, a man I have exclusively seen in armour and pajamas.”
“These are neither of those things.”
“But you slept in them. Clearly.” Well, that was fully judgement. But not untrue.
“Would you rather see me in a dress?” Tobirama retorts, standing up and rolling his eyes. “You would very unlikely ever see me as seductive, considering most of those missions involved Alphas, and the very easy play of ‘helpless omega’.” Tobirama explains, rounding his desk to lean against it next to Izuna. Making eye contact before continuing and holding it, softly. “So, I suppose you are correct in that I’m not seductive, but very good at playing helpless, and holding attention.” Tobirama rests one hand behind him, the one closest to Izuna, while the other rests across his chest, at just the right distance to gently- barely there- touch Izuna’s own arm from where he had them crossed over his chest. The position also made him shorter than Izuna, reversing their normal standing dynamic.
Izuna narrows his eyes, “Right.” He agrees, tone drowning in suspicion.
“Weren’t you going to tell me of Madara’s horrid taste?” Tobirama prompts, sounding and looking amused, keeping his attention on Izuna fully.
“Um, yeah.” Izuna nods hesitantly, shrugging a bit, and looking just a tad uncomfortable. “Madara just, I dunno, he never picks good people. They never-” Izuna smirks, clearly remembering something. “We were visiting this town once, Madara was like, fourteeen, and we’re exploring, having fun, and Madara meets this girl. Apparently she was sweet as can be, but she fucking hated me.” Izuna becomes more relaxed and amused as he continues telling the story, of one of Madara’s first crushes that turned out to be a plant and nearly got him stolen into slavery. His eyes flitted about in recalling the memory, but they always returned to meet Tobirama’s. Less suspicious, less tense about the eye contact. Leaning a bit more toward Tobirama, more into his space, toward the contact of his hand gently stroking up and down his arm.
Honestly, it takes less than five minutes for Izuna to be entirely relaxed, engaged, and not at all suspicious. And Tobirama barely had to manipulate his scent.
Tobirama moves his hand on the desk, grabbing the kunai there silently, but not stopping in the gentle administrations to Izuna’s arm, nor the eye contact, keeping his full attention on Izuna, on his story, and in turn keeping Izuna’s attention on him. With the attention, and Tobirama’s slightly calming, and harmless scent trailing out, Izuna doesn’t flinch, or move at all when Tobirama’s other hand comes to rest on Izuna’s shoulder, completing the half embrace they had going on, or rather, his wrist rests on Izuna’s shoulder, with the kunai pointed directly at Izuna’s neck.
And not a single reaction.
“You know.” Tobirama cuts in, as Izuna moves to a different sordid tale of Madara. “I have a kunai at your throat.” Izuna’s mouth snaps shut, and the previous calmness, cheer and attention falls in a cold horror, shock and then eyes narrowing in suspicion. Tobirama arches an eyebrow and removes himself from the partial embrace they had ended up in, dropping the kunai back on the desk and rounding it again. “Since you wanted to know how I could possibly be seductive.” Tobirama states, sitting down in his chair. “Seduction, isn’t about sexual appeal. Not immediately at least. Not in the way I required it to be affective. Holding attention. Holding focus. Implying interest. Both in self and what they say. With an actual target, I may be a bit more heavy handed with implying sexual interest or that sexual intercourse would occur later. But generally, my honeypot missions involved making my target fall in love with me.”
“...Um. I need. To sit down.”
“There’s a chair to your right.” Tobirama states, picking up his brush to continue his notes. “I am actually curious about Madara’s horrible taste, but it was the opportunity present to demonstrate how you really shouldn’t judge someone on their appearance.”
“Yeah, yeah, fuck off.” Izuna waves him off, then mutters, “I don’t even like you.” Izuna sounded genuinely horrified.
“Unsurprising.” Tobirama goes back to his notes.
“No.” Izuna insists, like it’s a grand revelation. “I don’t like you.” This was just becoming hurtful. “But I was, interested in you.”
Oh. That explained the horror. “Shocked you have the same bad taste as Madara?” Tobirama asks, with no small amount of amusement. He wasn’t surprised, really. He was acting as though he was interested in Izuna, and typically that either resulted in rejection or a budding return of interest. Izuna didn’t reject him, so he figured Izuna had at least some form of interest in him.
He also assumed it would last as long as that act had.
“Oh fuck you. You’re not even my type.”
Tobirama rolls his eyes, “Stop freaking out. Give it a day, the interest will fade.”
“It’s already faded! It disappeared when you put a fucking kunai at my neck!” Izuna exclaims, standing and pacing. “What’s fucked, is that I was even interested! I don’t even like omegas!”
“...Do you like men?”
“Yeah."
“Then considering I wasn’t really using my scent much, my status didn’t affect your interest. For most of our relationship, you were either unaware of my status, or it didn’t matter at all. It didn’t matter that I was an omega, when I had a katana and was trying to kill you. So, you don’t think of me as an omega for the most part, or it never really enters your mind that I am one until it becomes relevant to one thing or another. Like your preferences.” Tobirama suggests, shrugging lightly.
“I, guess.” Izuna acquiesces hesitantly. Clearly not fully believing it, but willing to go with it.
Tobirama opts to change the subject onto his experiments, if there are any Izuna wants to help with. Not as a lab rat. Interestingly enough, there were a few that clearly caught Izuna’s attention. So their day goes by a bit better, and presumably, the little seduction incident is forgotten and/or forgiven.
“How’d you get the kunai?”
“What?” Tobirama asks, looking up from the paperwork he was doing to see Izuna not doing his, and instead sitting at Tobirama’s desk. “What are you talking about?” He didn’t have any kunai out. He had some on him, but not where Izuna would be interested. Or any that would even warrant that question.
“Yesterday,” Izuna waves haphazardly, “When you seduced me. How’d you get the kunai to my throat? I was looking at you, your hand was by me, how did I not see it?”
Tobirama snorts, “Upset your perfect eyesight failed you?” He asks dryly, then sets down his brush to answer. “Misdirection, mostly.” Tobirama stands and rounds his desk, leaning against it next to where Izuna was sitting. “And playing on your instincts.” Tobirama puts the hand furthest from Izuna, his right in this case, behind him on the desk and crosses the other over his chest. Presumably unwittingly, Izuna tenses, however slightly. “If I were to stand like this, you’re uncomfortable. You can’t see my hand, you don’t know what I’m doing with it, what I could be grabbing, you’re on alert.”
“Any shinobi would.” Izuna agrees hesitantly, brow furrowing.
Tobirama switches his hands, putting his left behind him on the desk and crossing his right across his chest. And Izuna relaxes, just a bit. “This is comfortable, because you can see my hand. You can, in theory, know what I’m doing, what I’m grabbing.”
“Yeah.” Izuna agrees, shrugging a bit. “Which makes yesterday make no sense because-what are you doing.” Tobirama moved, as Izuna spoke, leaning forward and down using his right hand to gently grab his chin and tilt it up to easily meet his eyes, only a few inches from his face.
“Drawing attention. I’m keep your attention on my face, my eyes, my hand on your face, our proximity. You’re surprised, flustered, confused, and in the moment, when I’m holding your attention like this, you don’t see my left hand.” Tobirama holds up his left hand, which now had a kunai in it again, but nowhere near Izuna’s neck. “If I were to be going for your neck, it would be quite simple, as it is quite typical to grab the back of your partners neck when you kiss them.”
“Please stop talking clinically about this.” Izuna asks, “And back up.”
Tobirama snorts softly, but backs up and straightens. Crossing both arms over his chest and leaning against his desk. “Uncomfortable boner?”
“I hate you.”
Tobirama tamps down his amusement, and continues explaining. “Further, I manipulate my scent to remove any trace of danger. It’s very rare for alphas to think I’m capable of being a danger to them, so they relax quicker in my presence when I do that. You also believe you’re in no danger from me, and you’re not, but it means you’re more confused than anything when I do these. You’re not expecting danger.”
“Great. Thanks.” Izuna hisses, curled up a bit, and blushing still.
Tobirama deliberately ignores it, and adds, “Uchiha’s also value eye contact from their allies. It’s a show of trust and faith in the alliance, I believe, so the eye contact with you just assisted with the attention holding, and belief that you wouldn’t be in any danger because, theorectically, you could trap me in a genjutsu before I could slit your throat.”
“Tobi what are you talking about?” Hashirama asks from the doorway, sounding slightly disappointed but mostly tired. Madara was with him, which, definitely didn’t help. But Tobirama had sensed them coming earlier and decided it really didn’t matter what they walked in on. Hashirama would understand. Madara was debatable.
“Explaining how I managed to catch Izuna off guard yesterday.” Tobirama states, shrugging.
Hashirama sighs, “What were you doing yesterday?”
“He wanted to know how I could possibly complete honeypot missions. So I showed him.”
Hashirama nods, understanding and accepting. And dropping the issue. “Do you have the tax files? I saw a message about them that was a bit concerning.”
Tobirama grabs the papers, knowing what Hashirama was talking about. He’d seen the message as well. Taxation was expected, the clans paid taxes to the Daimyo on their own, of course the village would be expected to too. But, it was a little much. “It wouldn’t leave us with much.” Tobirama states, handing all the calculations and predicted remainder over as Hashirama walked closer.
“Yeah, I thought so too. I’ll arrange a meeting with them. Maybe it was just a miscommunication.” Hashirama suggests with a smile. Tobirama nods but doesn’t share his brother’s positivity. It was highly unlikely it was a simple miscommunication. It was more likely there were those in the Daimyo’s court that were opposed to the village as a whole. After all, if all the shinobi clans in the land were allied together, living in the same place, cohabitating and working together. Well, it was easy to see it as a threat. What if they didn’t agree with the Daimyo’s laws? Who exactly would stop them? They didn’t have the honour samurai did. And were arguably far more crafty.
“Is that all you two came down for?” Tobirama was going to send the taxes up anyways. It seems like a wasted walk.
“We were going to go for lunch actually. Do you two want to join us?”
Tobirama rolls his eyes, and says nothing. Izuna ends up agreeing, and Hashirama drags him along anyways. He can’t imagine that wouldn’t have happened if he had bothered to say no.
When they got to the restaurant, Izuna decides to sit beside Hashirama, on the opposite side of the table of Tobirama. Hashirama and Madara raise an eyebrow at the decision, but Madara says nothing as he sits down next to Tobirama. He also doesn’t look at Tobirama and immediately starts talking to Izuna, with the subtly of, well of an Uchiha.
The least subtle people in the country.
Tobirama stayed out of the conversation, while Hashirama inserted himself happily, until Madara got up shortly after they ordered their food to use the washroom. When Izuna turned to him and asked with a smirk, “How would you seduce someone here?”
Tobirama arches an eyebrow, entirely unimpressed. “Ask what you want. Also, crowded restaurants have at least a dozen opportunities, so if you want to stick with that, be more specific.”
“How would you seduce Madara?”
“I wouldn’t.” Tobirama refutes immediately. He is not doing that. That is a great way to get punched. “First of all, he still holds a lot of animosity towards me, so that experiment would end with me being physically assaulted in one way or another. Secondly, I’m not making your brother uncomfortable for your amusement.”
“Told you.” Hashirama states, aprops of nothing Tobirama knows, shrugging, “Tobira would do it for his amusement or a mission.” Oh. That makes sense. Tobirama wasn’t fully paying attention their conversation.
Izuna pouts, “You’re no fun.”
“No. I’m not.” Tobirama agrees dryly. Then asks because he was curious, “Why the sudden interest in seduction anyways?”
The fact that Madara had just come back into earshot was a happy bonus with the face he made.
“Interesting. S’all.” Izuna dismisses, leaning back into the seat as Madara sits back down.
“Do I want to know what you were talking about?”
“Izuna was just asking Tobira about what methods he might use if his mission started in a restaurant.” Hashirama explains cheerily, only partially lying.
“Alcohol, mostly.” Tobirama answers, when Madara arches an eyebrow in silent question. Or judgement. It didn’t really matter.
Madara scoffs, “Get them drunk so they can tolerate you?” Madara winces immediately after saying that, but it probably had more to do with Hashirama’s unsubtle kick under the table than any regret with the wording or tone.
“Lower inhibitions are always good for a short and sweet mission.” Tobirama responds, pretending to not notice what Hashirama had done. “I don’t have to try so hard to get into their bed if their drunk. Makes my job easier.”
“Wait, you, actually,” Izuna trails off, blinking at Tobirama with wide eyes.
Tobirama rolls his eyes, honestly. “Yes. I have had sex. If that changes your opinion of me, I will remind you we talked for hours yesterday about this ones failed sex life, so it shouldn’t.”
“Why were you talking about my sex life!?” Madara hiss went ignored by everyone except Hashirama who mouthed “sorry”.
“It doesn’t.” Izuna was quick to defend. “Just, I dunno, thought Senju were prudes.”
Tobirama squints at Izuna, leaning forward with his arms on the table. Decidedly unimpressed, and flabberghasted. “Izuna. I teach teenagers sex ed. I teach Uchiha teenagers sex ed. We are not the prudes here.”
“We’re not-”
“None of them knew what a prostate was.” Tobirama cuts in. “That’s not even a sexual thing, that’s medically concerning, do you have any idea what can go wrong with your prostate?”
“Can we change the subject?” Madara asks, hands covering his face.
“Um, no, actually.” Hashirama refutes, for once not on Madara’s side. “That is concerning. Do Uchiha doctors not do prostate exams?”
“I don’t know.” Madara nearly whines.
“Have you ever had one?” Tobirama asks, because that would be telling.
“I don’t even know what that is.”
And, because again Tobirama has been teaching their teenagers, he has to ask, “Your prostate or the exam.”
“Exam.” Madara growls, levelling Tobirama with a frankly offensive unimpressed look.
“I had to explain to a dozen Uchiha boys last week that women don’t pee out of their vagina.” Tobirama states flatly. “You don’t get to be offended.” To be fair, not that he was going to be with Madara right now, he was also explaining that to more clan children than just Uchiha. But it was still a concerning amount. Also, “And I had to explain a menstrual cycle to them. They, they can get married, Madara. That is concerning.”
“A what.” Izuna cuts in, looking confused.
“Menstrual cycle. When women bleed once a month.”
“Oh, we call it something else.” Izuna shrugs a bit, like he’s trying to reason, to defend their teenagers. Unfortunately.
“Yeah, they didn’t even know it happened.”
“Who does out sex ed currently?” Izuna asks Madara, who just shrugs.
“I don’t know, you and Hikaku are in charge of education.”
“We are?” Why does Izuna look like this is the first time he’s hearing this?
Madara squints at Izuna, “Yes. I deal with the Elders and paperwork, you deal with education. That was the deal.”
“...Um. I heard training.”
“Izuna.” Madara starts, horrifyingly calm for once.
“Yes, Aniki?”
“Do you mean to tell me the Elders have had free reign over the childrens education for the past five years?”
“...You know, I think I had something to do today.” And with that, Izuna was gone. Madara drops his head on the table, grumbling unintelligibly into it.
“I would like to point out, the teenagers problems have gone on longer than five years.” Tobirama feels the need to say. Mostly to say something. He gets Madara’s hand haphazardly slapped over his mouth. Or rather, slapped over part of his mouth, part of his nose, and one of his eyes.
“Stop talking.” The order felt unnecessary. Tobirama looks to Hashirama, who was outright laughing at them, and decides to be juvenile. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
Tobirama can’t help but laugh at Madara’s shriek, as the man starts wiping his hand on his clothes, Tobirama was leaning back in his seat, unabashedly laughing. All he did was lick the man’s palm (disgusting he does not know where it’s been or how well he washes his hands), he and Hashirama did it all the time as kids, and he’s never heard an adult make that noise. Hashirama, sure, but an actual adult?
When Tobirama calms himself down, he expects Madara to be angry or disgusted, honestly he expected the man to insult him while he was laughing, but when he looks to Madara, the man was just looking at him. Not upset, angry, anything like that. He looked, soft, almost. And he was slightly pink in the face. Had he had something to drink?
“Are you alright?” Tobirama asks, eyebrows furrowing slightly in concern. Surely Madara wasn’t a lightweight. Tobirama’s seen him drink. He’s never seemed like a lightweight before.
Madara clears his throat and looks away, turning more pink, “I’ve just never heard you laugh before.”
Tobirama arches an eyebrow and retorts dryly, “Yes, I laugh, and have sex. It’s almost like I’m a person.”
“Tobira.” Tobirama doesn’t respond to Hashirama’s scolding, he doesn’t think he should be scolded in the first place but Hashirama does as he wills. He’s not the one who keeps forgetting someone is a person beyond the battlefield. It was unfortunate how many Uchiha couldn’t see past the ‘White Demon’. Hashirama sighs, and Tobirama starts to mentally prepare himself for a lecture, when Hashirama throws that whole plan out the window with his immediate words of, “You two should go on a date.”
“What.”
“What?!”
Hashirama huffs, “Look, you’re not going to ask Tobira out, Tobirama can’t identify romantic interest outside of a mission, so! I’m, doing it for you. Go on a date. Actually. This is your date. Bye.”
“Anija!” Hashirama dashes out the front door of the restaurant, ignoring Tobirama’s call. He is, so getting revenge for this bullshit. But well, he’s never going to have a better time to ask. Tobirama nudges Madara with his leg, as the man was face down on the table once more and covering his head with his arms. “Do you actually like me like that?”
“Sorry.” Was the only muffled response.
“For?” Tobirama prompts, nudging Madara again when he doesn’t get a response. But he still doesn’t, so, he decides to betray everyone. “I generally assume Anija’s projecting with any emotions, but he told me, a few times, that you were in love with me. I assumed he was just talking out his ass. Izuna also said I fit your type, but I thought he was just being an ass.”
“Wait.” Madara sits up, “Is that why you were discussing my sex life?”
“Moderately. I was more curious about your sordid love affairs.”
“Why?”
Tobirama shrugs, “It’s not something Hashirama or I ever did, so I was curious what an average adolescence with the romantic drama included was like.”
“Why didn’t you, do that?” Madara asks, sounding more curious and less judgemental than Izuna did, so Tobirama had no issue briefly explaining what he had to Izuna the day before. Their food arrives during so, but notably, only their food. So, either the waitress noted that Hashirama and Izuna fled and nixed their food, or one of them talked to the staff, or this was more planned than it appeared.
For revenge purposes, Tobirama assumes the last option.
It was a good date regardless, though. He had a nice time. And wouldn’t mind spending more time with Madara in the future. After getting back at Hashirama for the surprise date. He should know Tobirama hates surprises.
They had been dating for a couple months when Madara got, weird. Jumpy. Tobirama back off a bit, he had just gotten back from a mission that had a few issues so, maybe it was just that. But, still. There was normal Madara weirdness and then there was... what Madara was doing now.
Tobirama didn’t even know how to describe it. Madara just, always seemed to be watching him. And he didn’t really seem to sleep when they shared a bed. (Tobirama’s taken to sleeping in his own house when possible, he doesn’t want Madara sleep deprived.) But he doesn’t know how well Madara’s sleeping without him there. He also seemed, just a tad bit, extremely paranoid.
Tobirama let it go on for a week before he started talking to Hashirama about it. Which led to both of them becoming deeply concerned it was a medical thing. Or maybe a sharingan thing. But, still, there’d have to be something they could do to fix it. There was always a solution. There was always a way to help. They just needed to find it. And also find out what was wrong with Madara in the first place.
Madara’s mission was shit. For several reasons. But one of which, and the most prevelant, was the former Honeki clan shinobi running on their own. Because well, their clan had been destroyed years ago. She had seemed relatively nice, and not dangerous, so Madara gave her some food and listened to her talk. Which was both his blessing and his curse.
“The only reason those fuckers ever got up on us was because our leader got snubbed by that fucking Senju Bloody Omega. I guess we should’ve known something was up when Butsuma just handed his kid over on a fucking platter, but,”
Madara doesn’t remember much more of what she bitched about. Mostly focused on that. He’s heard of Bloody Omegas before, sure, but, they were always more of a bedtime story. “Behave or your mate will end up being a Bloody Omega.” He didn’t, think about how they existed in any real capacity. Uchiha rarely marry out, and rarely do so quickly to a blatant unknown, so, they didn’t have much history with Bloody Omegas.
But.
That, was concerning. To say the very least. Because, only one of Senju Butsuma’s children was an omega, and it was the one Madara was currently dating. The one who historically hated Uchiha. Against peace. Full on willing to kill them all. That one.
Now, Madara has since learned that that’s not true. Tobirama wanted peace as much as Hashirama, but he just wasn’t as much of an idealist as Hashirama was. More surprisingly, Tobirama apparently didn’t, and never, hated Uchiha. But, if the Honeki was honest (which she probably was since she didn’t even know Madara knew the Senju), then, maybe neither of those were true. Maybe Tobirama hated the Uchiha. Maybe he didn’t want their peace to last. Maybe he was only playing along with Madara. Did he even like Madara? He’s said so but, did it matter?
According to Izuna, Tobirama’s most common missions were seduction. But Tobirama’s brand of seduction was making his mark fall in love with him. How do they know Tobirama didn’t do that to him? How does he know Tobirama’s not doing it now?
Has this entire thing been a game?
What’s the end then?
“Aniki. Calm down.” Izuna orders, waiting for Madara to sit down and look moderately calm before asking, “What the fuck?”
“Izuna. Not helpful.” Hikaku scolds, then to Madara. “What does it matter if Tobirama-san is a Bloody Omega? All it means is that he doesn’t feel pain if you die. Many omegas go through their lives being one and not knowing it until their mate dies.”
Madara’s calm evaporates and he’s pacing again. “Because, Tobirama knows. He knows. He’s done missions with it. He’s destroyed clans by mating their head and killing them.”
Unfortunately, that did actually make Madara’s freak out a tad warranted. At least to Izuna. “And he happens to have fallen in love with you of all Uchiha.” Which is definitely odd, considering he told Izuna, he thought Madara hated him. Why love someone who hates you?
“And,” Madara starts,“ I cannot stress this enough, Neither he nor Hashirama have told me.” Hikaku blinks blankly at Madara, but Izuna’s overtaken by confusion. Tobirama’s never mentioned it to him either, which, fine whatever. But Hashirama? The man is an oversharer by nature. Especially with other people’s business.
“Oh. Hashirama might be planning on killing you. Us. Oh god.” Now Izuna’s freaking out. “Can we even fight the Tree man if you’re dead?” No. No they cannot. Which is probably why Tobirama’s first strike is going to be Madara. The only one who could feasibly combat Hashirama.
“What- no! No, both of you calm down!” Hikaku orders. “No one’s planning on killing anyone.”
“You don’t know that!” Madara refutes, not at all calming down.
“Everything says they are!” Izuna adds, also not calming down. In fact, he’s reaching Madara’s level of freaking out.
“Have, Have either of you considered they forgot?” Hikaku suggests, sounding slightly frantic, and a little irritated.
“How do you forget that?” Izuna demands.
“I don’t- Have we considered talking to Tobirama-san?”
“What so he can lie to our faces?” Izuna scoffs, the man was a terrifyingly good liar. He’s lied to Izuna’s face about things Izuna knows are false but everything in him says Tobirama was telling the truth. Horrifying. “No, nonono, we, we need to start being careful.”
“You can’t attack Tobirama-san.”
“Of course not.” Izuna agrees. “If we attack him, Bark brain will use it to justify killing us. No, Tobirama has to make the first move, but we have to catch him in it, and not die from it, and use it against Bark brain.”
Hikaku takes several deep breaths before speaking again, “Just to be clear. You’re not going to hurting or attempting to hurt or kill Tobirama-san? Just, watching?”
“Yeah.”
Hikaku nods, “Ok. I’m, going to go rewrite our education plan. Have fun.” And with that, Hikaku left the brothers to freak out on their own.
It was spreading. That is all Tobirama can think. Because now Izuna is acting weird around him. Not jumpy and suspicious but, watchful. And kind of creepy. It feels like he’s watching Tobirama’s every move, analyzing them. He even has his sharingan on sometimes. Which. Made everything in Tobirama want to run or fight, but Tobirama valiantly ignored those instincts.
Then he told Hashirama, who freaked right out, and now they’re both trying to figure out how what was wrong with Madara could transfer to Izuna. Because they were thinking it was a medical thing. Maybe a poison. Or a bad knock to the head. But if it could spread then they have a different issue altogether.
Madara’s refusal to sit for a medical examination made this all the more difficult. Hashirama tried asking him alone, which was brushed off. Tobirama asked, which got a puff up and “I’m not hurt”. They both tried, which resulted in the second thing again.
They’re trying to kill him. Plain and simple. “Why would I need a medical examination? I am perfectly fine!” Madara exclaims, pacing in front of Izuna. And Hikaku, but Hikaku seems to be ignoring him. “I haven’t been on missions in a week. Nothing’s come up. There’s no reason for them to be so insistent!” And yet he’s had to deal with no less than five requests in one day! It was ridiculous!
“Medical check up gone wrong? Easy excuse.” Izuna suggests.
“Wait.” Hikaku cuts in. “Are you now also suggesting that Hashirama-sama is actively trying to kill you?” Hikaku asks, sounding very tired.
“He’s an accomplice at the least!”
“Tobirama wouldn’t do anything without Hashirama’s orders! Not like this. So Hashirama has to be the one behind it!” Izuna insists. And, well, he would know Tobirama best in that way. Madara’s never known him for orders, or for that part. But then, all Madara’s known of Tobirama was someone nice, and soft. He knows Tobirama is capable of being dangerous, but, it was never a thought it’d be turned on him now until, now.
He hates it, but, Izuna’s making sense and Tobirama and Hashirama are acting weird and why wouldn’t they tell them?
“Maybe, it’s just an Uchiha thing?” Hashirama suggests hesitantly, after more and more of their leads come up dry. “Or, it has to do with the Sharingan?”
Tobirama sighs, and flops down on Hashirama’s couch. “I hate this. I want my boyfriend back. He flinches from me, Anija. I went to kiss his cheek yesterday and he looked like I had a kunai at his throat.” This was becoming genuinely distressing. Tobirama didn’t want to hurt Madara. But, if being together was hurting him...
“Maybe, maybe I can convince him to see a Yamanaka for his head. Tobira, he loves you. This is, ridiculous.” Hashirama says, and immediately leaves his house. Presumably to go do what he just suggested. Tobirama sighs again, maybe Hashirama will have success. Maybe he should start giving Madara space.
“They want a Yamanaka to look in your head, and Tobirama is suddenly not around as often?” Izuna repeats for confirmation. Then scoffs when Madara nods. “That’s not! I don’t- why do they want a Yamanaka in your head? That’s just ridiculous. And I don’t know about Tobirama.”
“Luring me into a sense of security. Taking a step back. I flinched from him the other day, maybe he’s rethinking his strategy?” Madara suggests, shrugging a bit. All of this felt bad. Wrong. They shouldn’t be looking into him like this. Not this much. Not with this much fervour. It was ridiculous. It was suspicious. They wanted something, clearly. His death? What?
They couldn’t be trusted.
“Maybe we should take a step back.” Tobirama suggests. “Not, leave him alone, but, our attempts to help seem to be making him, worse.” He hated that but. After Hashirama had suggested the Yamanaka, Madara had been outright suspicious of him. Something was wrong. But they won’t be able to fix it with Madara like that. He’s not accepting help.
“I noticed.” Hashirama agrees, sighing. “I hate it, but, you’re right. Maybe a little less smothering will make him feel more open about talking to us.”
“But don’t make it seem like we’re abandoning him in his time of need.” Hashirama nods in agreement, and then they move to talk about other things. Like the Daimyo’s unrelenting taxes. Hashirama wants to try the diplomatic approach one more time. Tobirama doesn’t think it’ll go well but.
He’s the Hokage.
“They’re reevaluating.” Izuna suggests, as Madara paces in front of his desk again, after informing Izuna of what was going on now. Hikaku had bowed out the moment he started. Declaring it was not his business and he did not care.
Madara hums, and nods, “Yes. Watching my behaviour without interfering, deciding what to do, they’re still going to hurt me.”
“Or, maybe, not.” Izuna says stiltedly, making Madara pause in his pacing. “I mean. Tobirama, definitely, but. As your brother, you are currently pacing looking like a madman and saying your oldest friend who didn’t even try to kill you when our clans were literally at war is, now trying to kill you.”
...
Ok. That. That. “You said Tobirama doesn’t act without orders!”
“He doesn’t! It doesn’t mean they came from Hashirama!” Izuna defends.
Madara narrows his eyes, “Explain.” He orders. Where else could the orders be coming from?
“Ok. I’m not complaining, but, it’s not just me, right?” Hashirama asks, after witnessing a very very odd encounter between Madara and the Elder Council of Konoha.
“No. No, not you.” Tobirama agrees. “That was, weird.” Tobirama’s never been a big fan of the council, but, Madara took that to a whole new level. The, death glare. The deliberate avoidance. Ignoring them talking to him. It was, um. Odd. Especially with Uchiha on the council and present.
“Maybe we should keep trying for the head examination.” Tobirama hums in agreement. Something had to be going on.
“The Elders just yelled at me for three hours.” Madara grumbles, head down on the table. Izuna pats his head. “Maybe they are trying to kill me.”
“Maybe. Or maybe the very public disrespect pissed them off. More.” Izuna suggests. “Lets, why don’t we calm down for the next few days. Tobirama wants to lure us into a false sense of security, lets lure him. No outbursts. No excessive suspicion. Act, relatively normal. See what they do.”
Madara sits up right. “Hm. Good idea.” Madara nods. “They won’t expect that. I can see what they really want.” Izuna was so smart. It was good to have him on his side.
“Mmhmm. Oh, by the way Hikaku wants me to join him on a mission. It shouldn’t take long, just, act normal. We can discuss how they were behaving when I get back.” Izuna says, and Madara nods. Makes sense.
“Stay safe.”
“We need to deal with the Daimyo.” Hashirama states, resigned and unhappy, presumably with the most recent reply from the Court. “They’re saying it’s completely reasonable to tax us fifty percent on missions. On top of,” Hashirama sighs, not bothering to finish his sentence. Tobirama assumes the number hasn’t changed from the first time. None of it appears to have.
“What do you want to do?” Tobirama asks, he could think of several ways to make the Court back off. But not all of them would paint them in a favourable light, and one of them involved Hashirama going slightly batshit. Just as a reminder.
Hashirama leans back in his chair, tapping his fingers on his desk for a few seconds, looking deep in thought before answering, “Convince him to lower the taxes, or even just remove the mission tax. If he doesn’t do that,” Hashirama looks at Tobirama, “make good decisions.” Meaning: kill him. Alright, it’s one of those missions.
“This will take a week.” Including travel time, unless the Daimyo is an obstinate bastard, which he wasn’t the last time Tobirama saw him, it shouldn’t take longer than a couple days to deal with him.
Hashirama waves him off, going back to his paperwork, speaking without looking up, “As long as you need, you don’t need to rush. I just want good results.”
Tobirama nods, but doesn’t take the dismissal to pack. He had something he wanted to address still. “Anija,” That made Hashirama look at him, “I am a little concerned about leaving Madara. Neither of us have been on missions since he started acting oddly, and Izuna’s on his mission still.”
Hashirama nods, smiling gently, “I’ll keep him company. Maybe I can browbeat him into letting me examine him without him trying to puff up for you.”
Tobirama chuckles a bit, the puffing up was irritating, but, a little cute too. He doesn’t really see it as necessary, or know why Madara would. Tobirama has seen the man in some of his, um, more unappealing times. Pretending to not be hurt was just ridiculous. “I’ll head out within the hour.” Tobirama goes to leave but Hashirama stops him.
“Are you going to talk to Madara?”
Tobirama blinks and turns, brow furrowed in confusion, “I’ll bid him farewell and tell him I’ll be on a mission for the next week or so. That wouldn’t cut into my time, it takes five minutes at most.” He really hated when Hashirama looked equally confused. If they’re both confused, something went wrong somewhere. Not seriously so, but just enough to be an irritation they have to iron out.
“But, it’s, I was clear, right?” And now Hashirama is questioning himself. Fuck. “You, know- you’re seducing the Daimyo.”
“I got that.”
“And you’re, not going to talk to Madara about that?”
What? “Why would I? It’s mission details, he doesn’t need to know.”
“But, you’re going to be having sex with another alpha.”
“And? It’s a mission. Madara knows I do these.” Tobirama is so confused. What does this have to do with anything? Why does it matter? “Besides, you can’t ask anyone else to do this mission. If Madara has a problem, there’s no one else to do it, so Madara can’t have a problem.” Or rather, if Madara has a problem with Tobirama doing his job, they’re no longer going to be dating.
“I don’t- I didn’t- Madara won’t have a problem, but, I just, think it’d be a good idea to inform him you’re going to be doing this sort of stuff.” Hashirama gets out stiltedly.
Tobirama decides to just end the conversation and talk to Madara. “I’ll talk to him.” Because this was getting slightly painful.
“You’re what.”
“I’m going on a honeypot mission, I will be having sex with the target, if you want more details talk to Hashirama.” Tobirama repeats, all packed and ready to go, this was just his last stop.
“I, why are you telling me?” Madara asks, sounding and looking as confused as Tobirama felt a few minutes ago.
“Hashirama suggested it was a good idea. Or rather, he felt you should be notified because we’re in a relationship, the target is an alpha, and I don’t really know why else.” Tobirama shrugs, “It’s just a mission. I’ll be back in a week or so, depending on how obstinate the target wants to be.”
“Alright, stay safe. Don’t get pregnant?” Madara seemed to be out of his depth with this.
“I can do field abortions. Don’t worry.” Tobirama brushes off, pregnancy was never a high concern for him. But, it was a nice sentiment. “I’ll see you soon.” Tobirama moves forward, intending to give Madara a kiss as had been their previous mission farewell tradition, but stops when Madara flinches. Instead, Tobirama nods and departs on his mission.
Hopefully Hashirama will be able to figure out what’s wrong with Madara. This is becoming truly concerning. Maybe they should ask other Uchiha? Izuna had been acting equally odd, which was equally concerning but at least it hadn’t spread farther than that. Who else is around Madara but not acting the same? Only one person, unfortunately. Hopefully they’ll have an answer. Tobirama makes a mental note to talk to Uchiha Hikaku when he returns, they should be back from their mission by then.
“Why are you giving me a medical exam?” Hashirama had demanded to see him at the hospital, so, Madara rushed over. Concerned one of his clansmen was injured or something. Nope. Hashirama wanted to give him a medical exam. A surprise one he couldn’t refuse. Considering they were already locked in the room and Madara was in a hospital gown. (He’s not sure when either of those things happened and he’s a little scared). “Please tell me this doesn’t have to do with the prostate stuff. Tobirama’s already dealt with that.” Horrifically. That was a highly uncomfortable hour, and Madara never wants to deal with it again.
“What? Oh, no, this has nothing to do with that.” Hashirama dismisses. “I just want to make sure you’re in good health. You’ve been refusing check ups for the past few weeks, and,” Hashirama turns to Madara with a moderately disappointed look. Which, weird. “I get you want to impress Tobira by not needing help, but we would both prefer you do the damn check.”
“I have not-” Madara’s refusal dies in his throat at Hashirama’s blatant unimpressed look. It is a little scary sometimes, how similar he and Tobirama can look. They’re brothers, obviously, but with such drastically different personalities, and appearances, it’s easy to assume they generally share nothing. But, nope. That is wholly Tobirama’s unimpressed look.
And in the next second it was gone, replaced by a very Hashirama smile, “Anyways! We’re doing this check up for my peace of mind, so cooperate, okay?”
Madara doesn’t think he has a choice here. What did his clansmen say about Senju Doctors? “No such thing as opt out with them. If they can heal you, they’re healing you, regardless of what you want.” Yeah. That. Clearly they learnt it from the clan head.
(Actually, the Clan Head learnt it from them, but, semantics.)
Tobirama hated the Daimyo’s court. There was a dress code, which Tobirama technically wasn’t following. He was in what was deemed appropriate for Alpha’s and Beta’s, but not omegas. But Tobirama can’t fight or even run in what the Daimyo deems appropriate for omegas. So Tobirama is taking the dirty looks for that without issue. But more than the dirty looks, were the, creepy looks. Those, Tobirama was tempted to rip the eyes out for. And the condescension. He could do without the condescension.
“Perhaps, supporting the village at all isn’t in our best interest.” Advisor Ass (Tobirama couldn’t be bothered to remember his actual name.) suggests. “After all, if one of Hashirama-san’s advisors is an omega then.” He titters off in a light chuckle.
Grin and bear it. Grin and Bear It. Grin. And. Bear. It.
“While I do advise my brother, I am not an Advisor by title. My role in the village is as a shinobi. Senju-sama is advised by a council of Elders, and the other Heads of Clans within the village.” Tobirama explains softly, forcibly pitching his tone up slightly, and softening the words in a way he rarely does. He’s not be an unruly omega. He merely knows his place.
Maybe.
“And why isn’t one of them here? Why you?” Advisor Shithead asks, smirking like a shithead.
“Diplomacy.”
“What does an omega know of diplomacy?” Advisor Ass scoffs.
“Ah, my apologies for not being clear.” Was the bow necessary? Probably not, Tobirama did it anyways. “I meant Senju-sama sent me by diplomatic reasoning. To be honest, it would be quite bad if word got out that the Fire Daimyo was not supportive of our endeavour, and the other clans may take that as a sign to leave and go back to their own lands.” Was this telling them too much? Maybe, but did it matter? Tobirama’s not really here to discuss things diplomatically. If they want to be assholes they can.
“Of course, which is why Hashirama-san should honestly just drop this issue. He’s the one making a fuss.” Advisor Shithead states, like they were the ones being unreasonable.
Haha. Why can’t they usurp the government? Seriously. So easy to kill everyone in the room. Even with the samurai. (Running it would be too much work. Not worth it.)
“Unfortunately, I’ve been tasked with insisting. Senju-sama would settle if you would even just lower the tax on missions. No clan is taxed on missions specifically now.” Tobirama states, he wants this meeting to be over. They’re not going to listen to him. They’re not going to do shit. Can he just get to the part where he has shitty sex with the Daimyo?
“You are not one clan anymore. You’re many. And there’s more to deal with with you gathered in one place.” The lack of specifics don’t escape Tobirama. There’s not more. Not enough to warrant this high of increase on taxes.
“Perhaps if we were to send a letter to Senju-sama detailing what you must deal with now that we’re gathered in one place, the village can take on some of the burden, and you don’t have to worry about it as much.” Tobirama suggests innocently, mentally laughing at Advisor Ass’s scornful sneer. Barely there for a second before being replaced by a condescending expression.
“They are the responsibilities of the Daimyo.”
Tobirama opens his mouth to prod further, but the Daimyo raises a hand so he shuts it and bows his head. “It has been a long day. Why don’t we retire for the night? Senju-chan,” Oh fuck you to hell and back Tobirama is castrating this man, “you have been travelling all day, I’m sure you could use the rest to level your head.”
Can Tobirama just kill him anyways?
“You are truly kind, my Lord.” Tobirama thanks, bowing further down before straightening with his head still bowed.
“One of the maids will show you to your room.” What. Tobirama doesn’t get much of a chance to ask or react before a, very strong, beta woman was pulling him up and out of the room. Tobirama had his room at an inn. He wasn’t staying with the Daimyo. Except apparently he was.
He really should not have been surprised when the room he’s shown to has, none of his stuff in it, has a second entrance inside branching to another room he couldn’t open, and was filled with general omega style wear. It wasn’t in the concubine wing, but it was fairly close. If he wasn’t here for sex, he’d be blatantly insulted. As is, there is an adjoining bathroom with running water that Tobirama is taking advantage of. He grabs one of the sleep yukata’s provided and treats himself to a hot bath.
He senses when the Daimyo enters the bedroom, and debates dallying for a while, but he was done, and he kind of wanted to get the sex part of this over with. Nobles, for all the time they spend doing it, are the absolute worst at sex. Or rather, at letting their partners have any pleasure during the act. Most nobles tend to just, thrust repeatedly, orgasm, and leave. Tobirama just has to pretend to be having a good time.
Not something he’s looking forward to.
Tobirama takes a few deep breaths, calming himself down, and putting the air of Simple Omega up before opening the door and entering the bedroom. Blinking and visibly recoiling in surprise at the Daimyo. People don’t like it when Tobirama knows they’re there before he sees them. Especially when he’s in Simple Omega mode. Tobirama bows immediately, and lowly as is proper, “My Lord, I did not expect to see you again tonight. Apologies for my dress.”
“It’s fine.” Tobirama straightens with a hand on his chin, keeping his eyes lowered to not meet the Daimyo’s eyes, but straightening to his full height. It was, what most considered un-omega-like. Not that Tobirama could control it. It wasn’t his fault everyone in the family was tall as fuck. It also meant, that at his fully height, Tobirama was taller than the Daimyo, by quite a bit. “Look at me.” Tobirama looks to the Daimyo’s face, but not his eyes. It was rude, to meet his eyes. Thankfully with being trained to fight Uchiha, he’s quite good at not looking in eyes. Tobirama twitches when a finger runs right under his eye, but doesn’t flinch and move back like he wants to. “Such beautiful eyes. Mm, you should paint your lips red, it would accentuate them so well.”
...He doesn’t even know what to do with that.
“I will take your advice to heart, my Lord. But I do not carry make up with me on missions.” He does. He’s not putting any on. He also doesn’t have any red. Most of the time, he wants to tone down his eyes, not accentuate them. Then again, most of the time he’s trying not to be recognizable.
“I can send a maid out in the morning.”
...Yeah him being interested in seeing Tobirama in make up was, not expected.
“You’re very kind, my Lord.” There is a hand on his neck. There is hands on his neck. No. No. No. No. Horrible Hate it. Hate it here. No. Stop. And now there’s a metal on his neck and a small weight and that is probably a necklace.
“Call me Asahi.” The Daimyo says, smiling down at Tobirama’s neck, “A red poppy, perfect for your eyes.”
...He wants to go home. This is so weird.
“Thank you, Asahi-sama. You’re very thoughtful.” Feels so wrong. He hates this.
“Tobira-chan.” Ew. “Such beauty locked away by shinobi.” Mm, something feels wrong. And it has nothing to do with the hand caressing his face, though he does want to bite it off. “We could have such beautiful children.”
...Yeah no. Something was wrong. Tobirama places a hand on the Daimyo’s head, pulsing iryochakra to attempt a diagnosis on, what is wrong here. Maybe a poison? Love potion? Do those exist?
“What are you doing?” The Daimyo asks, not moving, not even sounding mad, just, confused.
“As honoured as I am by your interest, you’ve known me less a day and it’s a little concerning.” Tobirama explains, finding nothing with his diagnosis, but that doesn’t mean much. It could just be something that he didn’t know to look for.
“...Not the reaction I normally get.” The Daimyo says, and Tobirama realizes he’s a bit out of practice with this. He drops his hand, resting it behind his back.
“Apologies, I suppose I’m a little paranoid.” Fuck. He’s out of practice and he’s been worried about Madara so obviously when the Daimyo acts off- not off but just coming one really fucking strong for some reason- he assumes something is wrong. Well, he might’ve just fucked this up.
The Daimyo hums and moves closer, one hand staying on his chin as another runs down his side slowly, “Is it common for such words to be the result of some shinobi trick?”
“More than one would think.” Tobirama confirms softly. The hand moves past his waist, reaching his hips before going back to stop at his waist.
“How sad you must be.” This, feels rude. “That so few kind words are met with suspicion.” Rude, but a save.
“Better to be suspicious than dead, My Lord.”
“You think you’re in such danger from me?”
“Not from you, My Lord, but shinobi are capable of changing their appearances.”
“Mm? I thought it was minor alterations to their appearance.” Tobirama shakes his head slightly, and does a couple one handed signs to transform fully into one of the advisors from earlier, then back to himself. The Daimyo blinks a couple times, and pats Tobirama’s side. “Well placed suspicion.”
“My deepest apologies for casting it on you, My Lord.” Can they get back to the sex stuff? Oh wait. “Is there any way I can make it up to you?” Hopefully that’ll work?
“Many ways.” The kiss was, in a word, disappointing. Wet. Too much tongue. Weirdly teeth too? Tobirama doesn’t know how this man learnt to kiss but it was, a horrible education. The yukata was easily pulled open, Tobirama didn’t bother to tie it tight or well, and Tobirama pushes off the Daimyo’s own robe, well, as much as he can. The man can undress himself more if he wants to. Then Tobirama was pushed onto the bed. Soft and plusher than anything Tobirama would actually be able to sleep on. But at least it was comfortable for this.
He was rather glad he prepped himself in the bathroom earlier, considering the Daimyo doesn’t even check before shoving his dick in. How kind.
As expected, the sex was... Well, it happened. Tobirama moaned at the appropriate times, whimpered, clenched, begged for more, he was a good actor at this sort of thing. Most of the time, if it’s just a one off like this had started out as, the Alpha’s are good about not popping their knot in Tobirama. Apparently, the Daimyo had decided this was not going to be a one off, and maybe Tobirama should stay since when he orgasmed, he not only pushed his knot in as far as possible, he also bit him.
Well.
At least this makes Tobirama’s job easier.
Once the Daimyo was more or less stationary on top of Tobirama, breathing heavily and resting his head against Tobirama’s chest, Tobirama flips them, so the Daimyo was lying on the bed and Tobirama was straddling him, as they were still connected. The nice thing about being an omega, was that they were allowed weapons where others weren’t. Well, not really. Not actual weapons. But, most would be surprised at how sharp some of those hairpins are, especially when they’re fully metal. Like the ones that were stocked in the room. Like the one Tobirama was holding over the Daimyo’s throat. A binding jutsu to keep the man from moving anything but his neck, and a hand on his chest for extra pressure.
“What do you think you’re doing?” The Daimyo demands, going from happily sated to broiling mad in an instant.
“Diplomacy.” Tobirama answers with a smirk. “I was told to be nice, ask, and negotiate. Failing that, I was given permission to do what was required. You’re going to remove the mission tax and lower the taxes fully back to the reasonable rate you’ve been making all the clans pay for years.”
The Daimyo scoffs, “Or what? You can’t kill me.”
“Because you’re the Daimyo? Or the little bite you gave me?” Tobirama asks rhetorically, smiling condescendingly. “Because neither of those matter. You’re in the way. And killing you won’t hurt me at all.”
“You’re a fucking-”
“Mmhmm.” Tobirama cuts him off, not really caring to hear whatever his opinions are, “Now, presumably, you’re scared we’re a threat to you because it’ll be the first time all the shinobi clans in your land are allied together in one place. But I’ll give you some very valuable information, you should’ve been scared long before. Being together won’t make us a threat. Does not make us any more of a threat than before. I could do this before the village, long before. So, no. Don’t be a fucking baby. Stop being unreasonable. Lower the taxes. Remove the mission tax, and we’ll all be happy.”
“And if I don’t?”
Tobirama leans down closer to the Daimyo’s face, “I can drive this through your throat. I can make it, so it looks like an assassin came in and kill you after you finished fucking me. Or, I can take full responsibility, and then kill your entire court. I’m not picky, if you have a preference.” The Daimyo leans away, as much he can, fear finally leaking out through his scent. “What? Not big and strong now?”
“I’ll handle the taxes.” The Daimyo agrees, “Was that the only thing?”
Tobirama leans back, sitting up right, weapon no longer against his neck nor his hand on his chest. “Yeah.” He agrees, shrugging, “You were the one being unreasonable about it.” The Daimyo huffs, shaking his head as if it was ridiculous that he was the unreasonable one here. Very Rude. What the Daimyo mutters under his breath is even more rude. “Oh? I’m no longer a beauty locked away by shinobi? Just a dirty whore?”
The Daimyo tensing, fear flashing over his face and souring his scent shouldn’t be so funny. But Tobirama can’t help but laugh. Alphas in these positions are always so funny. Before, they’re so proud, so full of themselves, so strong and condescending. But one omega, who won’t fall when they die, who gets attached to them, and they’re almost pitiful.
Funny but sad. To be so weak their strength depends on another being weaker.
He really should just die. But Tobirama doesn’t want to deal with that. So he’ll live. Not happily though.
“And, by the way,” Tobirama starts with a smirk, “if you think about going back on this, don’t. You think you can ban me, or keep guards on me if I come back after you cross us? Dear Asahi-sama, remember what I showed you earlier?” Tobirama lifts one hand and does a seal to become a different form- longer hair, brunette, softer face, fuller form, still very omega- then he does another seal and becomes someone else, a woman this time, and slowly Tobirama filters through just a few different people he can become with ease. The Daimyo growing paler and paler with each person. Then, Tobirama just has to, “Don’t you remember the last time we met?” and transforms into a younger version on himself, all of fourteen. The knot became tighter, a bit more painful as he became smaller, but it was well worth it with how deathly pale and still the Daimyo was. “Didn’t we have fun last time?”
The Daimyo starts outright shaking, his fearful scent souring the room enough that it stopped being funny, so Tobirama transformed into an older woman, who was admittedly very Uchiha-looking, but he wasn’t thinking about that right now. Mostly making him stop doing that. Tobirama can’t exactly leave the room right now.
“That’s, you.” The Daimyo stutters, then swallows, finding some confidence to say his next words with, “You’ll smell the same, no matter what.”
Tobirama tilts his head a bit, the long hair of his current form flowing with it like a black curtain, then leans forward to whisper in the Daimyo’s ear, “Do I, Asahi-kun?” Tobirama can hear the man breathe in, and can’t help but laugh as he rights himself when the Daimyo goes still. Regular henges, do keep the scent, yes. That’s why Tobirama improved it to change the scent. Of course, Tobirama has to design a scent for every person he transforms into and it has to be a believable scent, but it’s worth it. “I would be very careful about the omegas you meet. Especially if you ever try to cross us again.”
Thankfully, with everything that’s happened, it’s been long enough, and the Daimyo’s been scared shitless enough, that the knots gone down enough for Tobirama to slide off without issue, and tie his yukata closed as he stands. He should stick around until the morning to make sure the meeting goes well. But, the Daimyo probably won’t be happy with that. And Tobirama’s already proved his point, so.
The others will just think Hashirama sent Tobirama here to fuck the Daimyo to get their way. And the Daimyo won’t contradict them. So Tobirama slides on his shoes, grabs the scroll he sealed his clothes in earlier, and moves to leave to go back to his inn room and then go home.
“Are you just going leave with that on your neck?” The Daimyo demands. “The guards won’t even let you out of the city.” He sneers.
Why are nobles always so unpalatable? No such thing as good manners? Tobirama turns to see the Daimyo sitting up, looking pissed and disgusted. Hm. Not his problem. Tobirama silently places a hand over the biting mark, and heals it until it’s gone. Technically, he’s destroying the bite itself, dissolving the venom, and healing the gland, and it is excruciatingly painful for those not Bloody Omegas. Tobirama moves the collar enough to show off the fresh skin.
“Do you want the necklace back too?” Tobirama asks, moving to take it off. He does already have one. The Daimyo is, horribly unoriginal. Well. His original one was actually a Stock or something. Something about growing into a beautiful omega or something equally creepy. He gave it to Chichi-ue and never thought of it again.
The Daimyo just glares death at him, so Tobirama leaves it on and leaves the castle without a care. He is fully aware he is currently leaking semen but, it also not his immediate problem. When he gets to his inn room, he quickly cleans himself out, heals up any tears or issues, makes sure nothing could stick around, then washes up, gets dressed and is on his way by sunrise.
“I thought you said a week.”
“I overestimated the Daimyo’s ability to not fuck anything that walks.” Tobirama says, shrugging. He actually expected it to take longer to get the Daimyo’s interest. Not. Immediately. After barely a day. But it worked out.
“Did you, even try diplomacy or just.” Hashirama waves his hand to avoid saying ‘fucked him and threaten him’.
“I did. They were condescending assholes the entire time.” Hashirama nods, understanding, and not about to argue. “Oh, but, the Daimyo might be, really paranoid for a while.” He should, probably warn Hashirama of that. Because it was his fault. And Hashirama has to deal with the man.
“How paranoid and why?”
“Just, don’t send any omegas? I kind of, informed him, that if he should ever decide to go back on his word, I would visit him again. And then I showed him how I can change into dozens of people, each with their own scent, so he’s a little. Paranoid.”
Hashirama was silent for a few seconds before shaking his head, “Do you, always mentally torture them or...”
“Normally I just kill them. He was being a dick the entire time, so. I got a little revenge.” Tobirama shrugs, and remembers the necklace, pulling it off his neck. “Oh and this.” Tobirama drops it into Hashirama’s hand.
“What.” Hashirama stares intently at the necklace. “Should, should I have it checked?”
“For what?”
“It’s worth?” Hashirama asks, looking at Tobirama like he was an idiot, “Where did you get it?”
“The Daimyo. He always gives them. Well. I think he gives them to concubines. He’s given me one both times so.”
“Both?!”
...Did they, never tell Hashirama about the first time Tobirama ever met the Daimyo? Tobirama remains silent as he thinks, trying to remember if Chichi-ue ever did- no too much of a hassle and he didn’t need to know- and Tobirama definitely didn’t because he’d assume Chichi-ue knew what he was doing with information sharing.
“Yeah, that’s a long story. Check it’s worth or don’t, it doesn’t matter. Chichi-ue kept the last one so I figured you should keep this one.” Tobirama shrugs, it wasn’t a big deal. It could be used to piss the Daimyo off. Or anger him. Or remind him of Tobirama. So, probably best to just keep it.
Hashirama hums, considering the necklace for a little bit before nodding and placing it in one of his drawers. “Anything else to report?”
“No, I’m going to have a bath. Burn a layer of my skin off. Normal things.” Tobirama dismisses, and leaves without another word. As he’s walking through the hallways to get down, Tobirama senses Madara and Izuna coming toward him. He could, reasonably, take a turn and avoid them, but he was a little too tired for that. And he shouldn’t smell like the Daimyo anymore. Hashirama immediately scented him when he got in to the point that Tobirama isn’t even sure he smells like him anymore.
So he wasn’t too worried about running into Madara and Izuna.
“Ha! He is back!” Izuna calls when he sees Tobirama.
“I know. I’m the one that sensed him.” Madara refutes dryly, looking entirely done with Izuna. As one should. “You said a week or so.”
“I overestimated my target. Ended quicker.”
“Did you, kill them?” Izuna asks, in a, weird way. Like he was digging.
For what? “No. It was unnecessary. We can talk later, I need to have a bath.”
“Oh, ok.” Madara agrees, “Come over for lunch, or supper.”
Tobirama can’t help the surprise that flashes across his face, but he replaces it quickly with a soft smile. Madara hasn’t invited him over for weeks. “I’ll see you for lunch.” Tobirama agrees, and leaves quickly to have a bath. He still felt gross.
“Um, Madara-sama?” Madara looks up to see Hikaku peering into his office, looking decidedly unnerved. Which wasn’t good.
“What’s wrong?” Madara asks, gesturing for him to come in further. Hikaku shuts the door behind him and walks quickly to the desk.
“Nothing’s wrong, I just, got information that I think is concerning, but need to share with you.” Hikaku explains, sitting down in one of the chairs. Madara gestures for Hikaku to continue speaking, putting down his brush and giving Hikaku his full attention, “Ok, so, you know how you said Tobirama-san was responsible for the Honeki clan head’s death and the subsequent extermination of the clan?”
“Yes.”
“So, the Honeki clan was from Wind Country, and recently I met up with some Wind shinobi on a mission, and I asked about the clan one night because I was curious and remember you talking about it. And. They told me the Honeki clan died seven years ago.”
“Ok?”
“Madara. How old is Tobirama-san?”
“Twenty-” Madara cuts himself off, realizing what Hikaku was getting at. Tobirama was twenty-two. He would’ve been fifteen when the Honeki died. Just barely legal for mating. How long had Tobirama been doing those missions? It wasn’t unheard of for shinobi to find specializations young but, that specialization? That, was a little odd. “It’s, um. Ok. It’s a little young.”
“A little.” Hikaku repeats dryly, then sighs. “Madara-sama, it’s not really about his age. I wanted to bring that up, but they did have more information. The Honeki allied with a Fire Country clan by way of marriage, so, Tobirama-san and the head, then on their way back they were killed. They said it took a week. Meaning Tobirama-san was with that head for less than a week before he killed him.”
“Ok?”
“Madara-sama. You’ve been with him for months. If they wanted you dead, they’d have killed you by now.”
Yeah, that, was probably a fair point. Especially with Tobirama’s recent mission. Less than a week. He didn’t kill them but he got what he wanted. Tobirama, probably didn’t do extended missions.
Hikaku sighs, “I also, dug a bit more, and it’s the same thing with all his missions. The longest Tobirama’s ever ‘honeypotted’ someone was five weeks. And that was in Lightning Country so. I think you’re safe.”
“Yeah,” Madara sighs, and rubs the back of his head, “I, fucked up. Didn’t I?”
“Little bit.”
Lunch with Madara was nice. He seemed to be back to normal, so, maybe in the few days he was gone Hashirama found out what was wrong with him? But then, why wouldn’t Hashirama have mentioned that? Maybe he was just distracted? Tobirama hums, deciding Hashirama probably just forgot, and drops the train of thought, turning to Madara who seemed to be deep in thought himself. However, before he could ask, Tobirama feels a spike of Hashirama’s chakra very very close, and now someone is banging on the door.
Dammit.
“I believe Anija wants to join us for lunch.” Tobirama states dryly, debating standing up and answering. If they didn’t, he’d probably invite himself in anyways. Madara, presumably more used to Hashirama’s random visits than Tobirama, just stands and heads to the door. When Hashirama randomly visited Tobirama, he didn’t know. Tobirama just randomly found him in his house/room/lab/where ever he happened to be.
As Madara opens the door, Tobirama feels someone else, who Hashirama was presumably (accidentally) hiding with his own presence. Wonderful. A family lunch. Just what he wants.
At least Madara made enough for everybody. It was more of a consequence of Madara cooking than intentional since Madara always made enough food to feed at least six people. (Tobirama had asked once, and it was because Madara follows his mothers recipes. The ones written when they were kids, and Madara had a bigger family. He just keeps forgetting to reduce the proportions.)
“So, to what do we owe the visit?” Tobirama asks dryly as Hashirama sits down beside him. Izuna was having a whispered conversation with Madara by the door.
“I wanted to ask about your first visit with the Daimyo.” Hashirama states, pouting a bit. “You can’t just say you met him before and not give context!” Hashirama whines.
“When did Tobirama meet the Daimyo?” Izuna calls, stopping his whispered argument to come over to the table, followed by Madara who looked equally interested.
“It’s not a fun story.” Tobirama states, he doesn’t particularly care, but he knows it mostly won’t be taken well by others.
“Wait, before, was your last mission with the Daimyo?” Madara asks, curious.
“You slept with the Daimyo?!” Izuna exclaims.
Tobirama sighs, and decides they really don’t need to know details. “Yes. Last mission was to get the Daimyo to not tax us at a ridiculous amount. Involved sex. Not important. The time before that, with the Daimyo, was a few years back, he sent a letter to Chichi-ue, I don’t know what it said, but it wasn’t good. So, Chichi-ue took me with him to the capital, and got it sorted.”
“You are leaving out so much story.” Izuna states.
“Do you want to hear all the details?”
“How long ago was this?” Hashirama asks before Izuna could respond. “I started assisting with paperwork at fourteen. I can only remember one letter from the Daimyo’s Court that Chichi-ue got upset about.”
“Then you know.” Tobirama doesn’t understand why Hashirama asked that if he knew.
“We don’t.” Madara cuts in, leaning forward with clear concern. “Hashirama, how long ago was the letter?”
“Eight years. Tobira, you would’ve been fourteen.”
“Yes.” The Uchiha looked confused, Hashirama looked to be growing murderous, so Tobirama decides that, fine. They can have details. “Like I said, Chichi-ue wasn’t happy with the demands. He figured it would be a good start to training for me, so he brought me with him. At worst, he could have me kill the Daimyo and then kill me to absolve the Senju. Anija calm down.” The table was getting spiky. And the architecture was being warped. “I won’t finish if you don’t.” That made Madara reach over and smack Hashirama upside the head, making Hashirama pout but no longer warp the wood so. “That was at worst, which didn’t happen. Chichi-ue intended for it to be a watch and learn, observe the manipulations of the Court, that sort of thing. Then, the Daimyo took an interest. He, likes the way I look.” What he actually said, when Tobirama was all of fourteen, made Tobirama now want to vomit. So he’s not repeating it. At least he learned better over the years. “Long story short, we had sex, he mated me, and then I went to Chichi-ue. Now, by his own law, omegas aren’t allowed to be mated under the age of fifteen. Alpha’s who mate underage omegas, are to be put to death. The Daimyo’s bite is distinctive, the scent is distinctive, all the guards are trained to identify it. To say he’d be in shit if any of them saw me was an understatement.”
“I hate that I’m saying this, but, wouldn’t they just cover it up?” Izuna asks, looking like he regrets every word out of his mouth.
“Izuna. For some reason, everyone thought we were the same age, around this time. The Daimyo thought I was thirteen. The entire court, thought I was thirteen. There is a difference of waiting a few months and waiting years.” Tobirama informs, and shrugs, “Besides, that place is a cesspit. And Chichi-ue really only has to tell the other Daimyo that he took me as a concubine, and suddenly he’s in deeper shit. Not to mention the Samurai really don’t have any patience for that underage crap.”
“I feel like throwing up.”
“Don’t do it on the floor.” Tobirama orders, even he was not the one who’d be cleaning it up, and honestly everyone looked a little nauseous. “This is why I didn’t do details.”
“Finish it.” Hashirama orders, kicking Tobirama’s leg under the table.
“Not much more. Chichi-ue said they could settle this quietly, or loudly. Daimyo chose quietly. He rescinded his orders, Chichi-ue removed the mating bite, and it was never spoken about again.” Tobirama shrugs.
“How’d he remove the bite?” Madara asks quietly.
“Well, he just carved out my gland, but we can heal mating bites with iryoninjutsu. For most it’s incredibly painful.”
“Most?”
“Bloody Omegas don’t feel pain regarding their mates, so, for us it’s not. But any other omega would be screaming in agony.”
“You’re a bloody omega.” The information was clearly not a surprise to Madara. So Tobirama is not sure why he’s repeating it. Or why Izuna just dropped his head onto the table. What?
“Yes?” Tobirama raises an eyebrow, “You know this.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t tell me.” Madara stresses, looked stressed.
“Hashirama shares everything about everyone.” Tobirama defends. He never shares important news about himself. He tells Hashirama and then everyone knows and he doesn’t have to deal with people. It’s a great system.
“Yeah, I would’ve told you that at the river.” Hashirama agrees distantly, clearly thinking back, then starts nodding. “Yeah. Tobira was old enough to force present so Chichi-ue did so, ‘mated’ him to one of the prisoners and after making sure the mating took, killed him. Tobirama’s mom was a Bloody Omega, so, he was checking to make sure the genes passed.”
“Aniki.”
“I don’t remember that!” Madara defends.
“Hm. We had a bunch going on.” Hashirama shrugs, “But I told you!” He insists.
“Wait.” Tobirama cuts in before more shouting could be done. “If you don’t remember Hashirama telling you, and I didn’t. None of our clansmen gossip about my status, how’d you find out?”
Madara snaps his mouth shut, crosses his arms over his chest, and hunches his shoulders, curling in on himself slightly as he turns pink. And refuses to answer.
“Izuna?” Tobirama prompts, turning to the younger Uchiha. Who fish-mouths at him for a few seconds before breaking.
“A kunoichi Madara met on a mission told him about how you destroyed her entire clan. The Honeki.”
Tobirama furrows his brow, trying to place the name, and fails, honestly. “I’ve done a lot of these missions.” Names never really mattered to him. But on more important things. Met on a mission? The mission that made Madara act weird? “Is that why you’ve been acting weird?” Tobirama demands. He thought there was something seriously wrong! “Why?!”
Madara remains utterly silent, turning more red, and curling in on himself more and more. Izuna, however, was quick to defend. “You never said anything about being a Bloody Omega! We all thought you hated Uchiha, you suddenly fall in love with Madara- um.” Izuna snaps his mouth shut and does not continue his defence.
Presumably, because it was going in a stupid ass direction.
“Did. Did you think Tobira was going to kill Madara?” Hashirama asks, looking and sounding as hurt and heartbroken as Tobirama was feeling. At least Madara seemed to be feeling guilty about it, but that doesn’t stop the fact that he thought.
“It was suspicious?” Izuna squeaks.
“And neither of you thought to just ask?” Tobirama hisses, getting pissed.
“We thought you’d lie?”
“We thought there was something wrong with you two!” Tobirama exclaims, pissed and upset. “We’ve been looking for a reason you both started acting so fucking weird.”
“Is that what all the medical check ups were about?” Madara exclaims, finally choosing to involve himself. “You didn’t want to just ask, Hashirama?” Of course it’s to talk to Hashirama. Why is he not surprised.
“Madara.” Madara shrinks back in his chair immediately. “We are talking about this later.” Madara really has no choice in the matter, but he nods regardless. “Izuna.” Izuna squeaks at being addressed. “Watch, your, back.”
“Okayyyy, time to go. Thanks for having us!” Hashirama calls, dragging Izuna out of the house behind him.
“I am really-”
“Don’t. Apologies are worthless.” Tobirama states, turning to face Madara. “You are going to get your paranoia checked, by a Yamanaka, you are going to work on talking to people, and why you would think the people who love you want to kill you. Understand?”
“Yes.”
“Wonderful.” Tobirama sighs, this was, so tiring. “I’m going to have a nap.” Then he considers Madara and adds, “Want to join me?”
“Mm, I need to clean up first.” Madara says, standing. “Is, are you okay?”
Tobirama shrugs, “I’m hurt your thought I would hurt you. I’m angry you never came to me. Or to Hashirama. I’m upset at the situation. But I still love you. And all that is just, stuff to work on.”
“Really?”
Tobirama nods, “Yeah. I mean, I also think you’re an idiot if you actually think I would ever let one of these missions take weeks without a mating bite. Madara, if I wanted to kill you, we would’ve fucked on the second date, mated by the third, and your in a grave before the fourth. I’m not bad at my job.” Tobirama explains, standing as well. Madara nods slowly.
“Yeah. Hikaku said the same thing this morning. I was, planning on talking to you about it later, and then those two showed up.” Madara admits hesitantly. Which, takes away some of Tobirama’s anger.
“Well, I’m glad you saw sense.” And he owes Hikaku something. Tobirama pats Madara’s shoulder. “Also as recompense I need access to Izuna’s hair care products.”
“He really hates the colour blue. He says it washes him out horribly.” Ah. At least they know each other.
“Mm, thank you. I’ll be in the bedroom. Meet me there?”
“Mm, course, sleep well.” Tobirama hums, happily accepting the chaste kiss on the cheek, and then heads off to the bedroom. Where he immediately passes out. He’s had a long day. Tomorrow, he’ll deal with shit.
Tobirama wakes up early enough to mess with Izuna’s hair care before he wakes up, and head to the tower to grab some paperwork. It was a nice morning. Barely anyone in the tower. Almost no one to bother him. Madara should be back to normal when they meet up for lunch. Madara actually slept next to him. So, today was looking up. At the tower, Tobirama runs into Uchiha Hikaku. Who, he actually did want to talk to.
“Am I in trouble?” Hikaku asks when Tobirama pulls him into his office.
Tobirama shakes his head, immediately dismissing it.“No. I wanted to thank you for talking some sense into Madara about that Bloody Omega nonsense.” If Hashirama and Izuna hadn’t crashed that lunch, he’d have Hikaku to thank fully for that fix.
“Oh. You’re welcome.”
Tobirama nods, “But um. In the future. If Madara decides I’m trying to kill him. Tell me.” Tobirama orders, because this could’ve all been avoided if someone had just told him. Weeks of stress. Gone. Never happened.
Hikaku winces. “Sorry. But, me and Izuna handled it, he shouldn’t be getting that paranoid again.” Handled what. Tobirama considers Uchiha Hikaku for a few seconds, debating asking what exactly they had been doing on their mission. But ultimately decides to not. He has the feeling Hikaku won’t explain even if he does ask.
And, he doesn’t really need to know. “Good. You can go back to what you were doing.” Tobirama dismisses.
Just as loud shrieks ring through the village. Ah. Izuna washed his hair. What a good morning.