Work Text:
Things have been difficult, for some time I feel the emptiness that dominates my existence, I occupy my time with the jobs that come up, nothing impacting in a way, since I said goodbye to the sets of Orange I have been looking to find myself in the middle of this mess that become, the mess she created. I should hate every moment we spend together, all the memories that remain vivid in my mind, but I can only love every part of her and regret that I didn't fight while there was still time, I would love to be able to feel happy to see her fulfilling her desires.
I've been into a few relationships over the years, looking to fill the loneliness that set in after she decided that a life by my side wasn't enough, it wasn't what she wanted in a long term future, Emily was by my side for a while, but it didn't have what I was looking for, when I realized my feelings for Laura I felt the purest happiness, but if I knew they would destroy me I would have found a way to get away before they went as deep as they are now.
2016
My morning had started the same way, with my slight delay, we are in the final stretch of shooting season four and I couldn't be more fulfilled with my work and happy with all the amazing people I got to meet through it. Later when I arrived at the set I could see the rush between one scene and another, I tried to go straight to my dressing room so that I wouldn't be late anymore than I already was, on the way I ended up meeting Tasha, already characterized as Nick.
-Look who decided to show up, Jenji is looking for you Tay. Natasha said holding back a laugh as I rolled my eyes and continued to follow with her right behind me.
-Okay, I really don't have a good explanation for this delay and for any of the others, but at least I'm here for Tasha's happiness. I kept walking while Natasha laughed, when we got to my dressing room they were already waiting for me to start the characterization and Tasha sat next to me
-Don't you have any scenes to record? I asked watching her fiddle with her cell phone.
-Actually, I'm in the middle of my break, I've already recorded three of my scenes scheduled for today and you, my dear, will have a lot of work. She said while looking at me in a funny way
-Laura was also looking for you earlier, I think she forgot that you are our queen of delays. I looked at her with boredom as she listened.
-What did Laura want? I haven't seen her since I arrived, maybe she's in the middle of a scene. I shrugged, straightening in my chair to make the job easier.
-She didn't mention it, she just asked where you were and I said you hadn't arrived yet. Said Natasha calmly and soon we heard someone knocking lightly on the door, I muttered a "come in" and soon I saw Laura in the large mirror in front of me and smiled when I saw her approaching where we were.
-Hey Tay, I was looking for you earlier, I talked to the other girls and we are going to have a drink at a bar farther from the center. As Laura spoke my characterization was completed and Natasha watched us in silence.
-It might be a good one, I haven't been out in days and go with all of you, it's going to be great, and with all this rush we need a moment of relaxation, don't we Tasha? Natasha just nodded and Laura smiled happily.
-Okay, we're going out every 7pm and I'll text you two the address of the bar, but now I have to go, I need to shoot some more scenes before we can finally relax. I watched her leave and Natasha nudged me signaling me to hurry and before Jenji came looking for me.
The day went by with the same rush as usual, Laura sent the address of the bar a little before 5 pm, but I still had a lot to do, so when I arrived at the bar they were already there drinking and having fun, when they saw me got up to greet me, few people had managed to leave that day, as our routine was more than heavy, so only Natasha, Uzo, Laura, Danni and Jackie were there.
-Hi guys, sorry for the delay, Jenji decided to take my delay today. He said with a sigh and I sat down next to Tasha.
-Don't worry Tay, it was to be expected that she was more on her feet. Uzo said in apology for my long record of delays, and everyone at the table laughed and I followed along. And we spent the rest of the time talking about the fame that the series had in all the years of production and suddenly Natasha spoke.
-And with the fame of the Laylor series also becoming extremely popular with fans, does that bother you in any way, or is it difficult to deal with? Laura and I looked at each other and I hadn't really stopped to think about how fans view my relationship with Laura, and before I could respond she said
-It's not that hard to deal with, it's just fans who vented vauseman's romance on us. Laura said in a relaxed way, but I couldn't keep looking at her and decided it was the perfect time to call it a night.
-Well folks, I think this is my cue, I'm going to sleep early and maybe I can get there on time tomorrow. I stood up as I grabbed my things from the table and said goodbye to each of them.
When I got home I couldn't stop thinking about Natasha's words, which was kind of ridiculous since there was nothing big and it must have been just one of her jokes, but still I kept repeating the scenes from hours before, but I couldn't care the dots and understand what was going on and why this little joke keeps echoing in my mind.
The week passed in a calm way and the night at the bar was left aside, we were literally finishing the recordings, there were only a few days left to finish, that slightly cold morning I ended up doing the impossible and arrived on time receiving some falsely surprised looks from Natasha, I analyzed the scenes that were in the script that day and there weren't many, and they all had Laura's presence, I tried to avoid the thoughts of nights ago, but it was difficult when she was a few meters away from me, I dropped the script on top from the dressing table and ran my hand over my face feeling all the frustrations accumulated over those days, I was startled when there was a knock on my door, I took a deep breath and undid my tired expression.
-You may come in. I spoke in a subdued tone, and felt my breath hitch when I saw Laura up ahead smiling and rocking her own script.
-What do you think about going over the text? We will be together in today's scenes. I heard her say it in her usual tone, but she seemed somehow different at that moment, maybe it was just my delusion.
-Of course, i would love. I said simplistically as I watched her smile, so we spent the next 20 minutes going over our lines, until we were called to start recording.
The recordings followed the same rhythm as always and without realizing it we were walking towards the last scene of the day that would be in a way terrible with all that senseless fuss that was hitting me, but I took a deep breath and got ready I was terribly nervous, it had been a long time that we didn't have scenes like this, since Piper and Alex were separated, and Natasha's jokes weren't helping and the presence of so many people around us to witness this return made me a little desperate and anxious, but when I looked back Laura, I could sense some of your discomfort with the situation.
-Hey Tay, how does it feel to be able to play Prepon again? I was startled by Natasha who was again making jokes about the situation.
-Damn Tasha, there's nothing wrong with it, it's just kind of weird since we haven't done anything like that for months. I shrugged, trying to feign false indifference, but enough to fool Natasha's shrewd eyes. I crossed my arms as the set was set and barely noticed Laura next door.
-You know you don't have to feel uncomfortable with me, right? I heard her ask me and looked at her without hiding my little insecurity.
-You don't have to worry about it, it will end well, after all we are a great duo. I said smiling and I gave her a light push with my shoulder and I saw her relax a little more and that made my nervousness go away a little.
Soon we started the scene, I lay down on the floor and Laura also positioned herself beside me until they gave the order to start, of course it didn't take long to arrive and before I could react I felt the softness of her lips on mine, even if only a little chaste contact, I had to gather what sanity I had left to continue the scene, but it was the first time I felt something so overwhelming when kissing her and I felt lost and confused, but I didn't let the whirlwind of emotions that took my body and soul show. , when we finished I felt the air circulate through my lungs again and I tried to get away from everyone quickly
current time
I still find myself thinking about the beginning of my feelings for her, all that confusion inside me, but somehow it was inevitable that I felt that way for her, what made me so happy before now slowly destroys me and makes me question my own life, how to proceed from now on? How to go on without her? I took some more wine while watching the snow fall outside and feeling the weight of the years and each of my choices, I sat down again on one of the sofas in the living room and left the glass on the coffee table and went back to sink into each of the memories that left me divided.
POV Laura
Ella was already asleep and I was finally able to sit down and enjoy some of the silence, I felt completely fulfilled with the life I had built with Ben in all these years that we were married, he had the gift of making me the happiest woman. of all and I felt even better when our daughter was born, even though Ben didn't spend much time by our side he still managed to be the best he could be, I decided to take a break from my career and dedicate myself only to my family, I confess that I still feel missing the sets and all the sensations of being acting and sometimes all the people who have acted alongside me throughout my career. My train of thought was interrupted when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, I turned to find my daughter scratching her eyes and a little pouting.
-Did something happen Sunshine? I asked a little worried as I took her in my arms and heard her whisper saying she had a nightmare, I ran my hand protectively down her back and kissed her unruly hair while hugging her and saying that she didn't have to be afraid, before she finished going up the stairs I felt her breathing calmed down and I noticed that she was already asleep again, I put her on the bed and covered her, I closed the door to her room, taking great care not to disturb her sleep, I looked at the time on my wristwatch and realized that Ben was taking longer than usual, I took my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed his number, which didn't help as it went straight to the message box, which worried me, but I alerted myself when I heard the sound of the door being opened, I went down the stairs carefully and when I reached the end I could smell the whiskey coming from my husband who was now staring at me.
-Ben? Wherever you've been, I was worried I tried to call you, but it went straight to your inbox. I tried to sound as calm as possible, but that smell of alcohol mixed with a sweet, unfamiliar scent made my stomach churn.
-Since when do I need to give you satisfaction about where I'm going? I frowned as I listened to his gruff and harsh tone, he had never spoken like that before, I opened my mouth once or twice trying to find something I could say to him, but before I could say anything he passed me and I just stood there. standing there trying to somehow understand what had happened.
2016
After we finished shooting the fourth season and we were officially on vacation I decided it was time to go home, I already missed the high temperatures of LA, and spent almost a month there until I got a call from Uzo inviting me to one of their famous parties, this was to celebrate all the success of the previous seasons and also the end of the recordings, I quickly agreed to participate and returned two days after the call NY had already become a second home. When I returned there were still three days to go until the party, I was really excited to see the girls again, in all these years we ended up creating a great bond and not seeing them for so long was strange, so I organized some pending items in the three days before the party. , and when the big day arrived I was super excited and was one of the first ones to arrive, but the others didn't take long to show up, it was getting late and Taylor still hadn't given the air of grace, I spent some time talking with Jackie and Danny on the couch while drinking beer, and in the meantime my attention was drawn to the door where I noticed Taylor enter, smiled and excused myself to the girls and got up going to her who was laughing at some nonsense that Natasha was saying.
Filming had ended a few days ago and we had a few months off until the start of the promotion season, I had been avoiding contact with Laura as much as I could, but Natasha on one of her visits to my apartment mentioned that Uzo was planning a small get-together to celebrate. more the success of the series, but I was still wondering if I would go or not, on the one hand I was already missing seeing them all during my days, and going to this party couldn't be bad, finally I ended up deciding to go, I already felt a certain nostalgia for all.
I ended up being late on the day of the party so I was practically the last to arrive and soon I was approached by Natasha who said she was happy to see me out of the woods, I ended up laughing at that and when I looked around again I could see Laura approaching us and also Tasha nudging me and making fun of me after noticing Laura's presence, and when I saw her I felt the ground go unsteady, I looked away from her smile and sighed looking for strength where I didn't have it.
-Tay! I missed her, yours too, Tasha. She hugged Natasha first and then turned to me with open arms and I couldn't refuse, and when we finally hugged I felt affected, more than I ever had before, but I held back my feelings and walked away.
-I missed you too Laura, I think the routine on sets makes us get used to everyone's presence and when we're done it's weird not having all that frequent contact.
-You're right, we ended up becoming a big misfit family. Said Natasha with her joking tone, then Uzo joined the conversation and we walked away until we were sitting on the couch drinking wine and talking about what we've done in the last month, Laura didn't leave my side, always keeping her arm around my shoulders , whenever I could, I looked at her smiling face, and only at that moment did I understand the magnitude of my longing, only then could I realize that something had changed in what I felt for her, it was almost impossible to say what it was at that moment, but it was good, calm. ..
The night was simply amazing, being in their company was priceless, I stayed by Taylor's side for the entire time after she arrived at the party, between one drink and another the night passed and we decided that it was time to end the night, but with the promise of another meeting like that before the show's publicity season.
-Tay, are you coming with me? I asked calmly, noticing that she was a little more upset than I was, and I was worried about sending her home like that.
-Hm...I think so Lau, I'm not feeling very well. After that we said goodbye to the girls and I asked for a taxi, on the way I decided that we would go to Taylor's house and that I would spend the night with her, in her current situation it was not very good to leave her alone. It didn't take long to arrive, I paid the taxi and took Tay upstairs, made her take a shower while I got some water and the headache medicine that would be needed and would ease her pain the next morning, when I returned to her room I found her already dressed and lying on her bed with one hand on her face.
-Hey Tay, how are you feeling? I asked worriedly, left the cup and medicine on the nightstand and sat on the bed next to her.
-Just a little nauseous, but nothing unbearable, but I regret drinking so much. I laughed at her confession and held out the glass of water which she gladly accepted.
-A little late to regret it, don't you think? I asked jokingly and looked into her eyes, and somehow they looked so much more beautiful in that moment, I took a strand of hair that hung close to her face and rested my hand on her cheek, she looked back and I could feel her eyes looking into mine lips, and it was as if an invisible force took me to her, I stopped a few inches before touching her lips, waiting for some resistance from her, which never came and when I least noticed it closed the remaining distance between us and at that moment I felt a explosion of indescribable sensations, it was different from all the other times, it was real and right, when we walked away Taylor gave me a startled look and I couldn't say anything, I was so absorbed in these new sensations.
-Laura, me. I raised my hand making her stop talking, I needed to think before I could say anything relevant about what had happened.
-Not now Tay, let's sleep, tomorrow we'll talk about it, you just have to know that there is no regret on my part. She nodded and went back to lie down and taken by the courage I lay next to her and watched her sleep, but I couldn't sleep that night, the feeling of her lips on mine was still very much alive in my mind and I couldn't forget so easily.
CURRENT TIMES
I shook my head, chasing away the memories that insisted on returning at that moment, feeling all those inexplicable and good sensations seemed wrong looking at me now, but it was undeniable everything I felt for Taylor in those many moments together, but I would never regret having built a family without her, my kids were everything I loved most and my husband too, and his recent behavior scared me, and the next morning I made breakfast and woke up the kids and waited for Ben to show up, but this time sober and maybe willing to talk about his behavior. I checked the mail and found an unusual invitation, it was from Jenji, inviting me to a reunion of the Orange cast, that was really surprising, I didn't expect something like this, even more considering the inertia of my life in recent years, I was determined to dedicate myself entirely to my children and with that I gave up my career and that invitation aroused some emotions and my mind flew straight to Taylor, I hadn't thought about her or what I was doing for a while, but somehow I could feel the weight of her absence and wanted to see her at least one more time after these long years so I was inclined to participate in that dinner.
POV TAYLOR
I had received Jenji's invitation on that dull Saturday morning, the snow continued to fall relentlessly and the fog covered everything around the house, and I was seriously considering turning down the invitation, just thinking about the possibility of seeing Laura again, I I didn't feel ready, the fear of getting worse than I already was scared me, I sat on the couch and closed my eyes, the pain never goes away, but I learned to deal with it, but it was the worst way possible, I sank into my own suffering and was fully aware of my melancholy.
I continued to enjoy the silence of my house when my cell phone vibrated, indicating a new message, I picked up and opened the message that was from Tasha, talking about the invitation and saying that she was looking forward to seeing us all in one place, and was nervous when I said I wouldn't, a few hours later someone was knocking on my door and I already knew it was Natasha so I opened it and saw her not so good expression.
-Taylor, I swear if you tell me you're not going to this event I swear I'll hit you! I looked at her in surprise and started to laugh at her threat, I made room for her to enter.
-Tasha, I just don't feel ready to see Laura rub all her happiness on me, while I'm still here, suffering because she left me.
-What nonsense Tay, it's past time to move on, you can no longer live in the shadow of the past, you should move on like Laura. My smile slowly faded as I heard her speak, and I knew she was right, but what could I do? I'd tried so hard before, I had that time with Emily and it felt good for a while, but she wasn't who I wanted her to be, she wasn't what I needed, Laura had broken me and I couldn't move on, my My mind is full of good memories, but the bad ones still insist on appearing and showing me that in that relationship I was the only one who felt something true.
-I know, but you know I can't, I tried, I tried a lot, but it hurts like it happened yesterday, I'm so sorry for her absence and her choices. I sat down and she sat next to me.
-Sorry, I know it was never easy, but you can't stop going just out of fear, the party will have a lot of people, you'll probably see each other from afar. I took a deep breath and crossed my arms analyzing the situation and Tasha was right at that moment and I really missed the girls, I turned to her and nodded silently.
-Great Tay, everything will end well, and now we have to choose what we are going to wear.
2016
When I woke up the next morning and was bombarded by the memories of last night and when I remembered the kiss all the sensations returned, but I was also afraid of how things would go from there, I smelled freshly brewed coffee and had confirmation of his stay in my house, I took a deep breath and got up and with that I could feel the effects of the drunkenness, but they weren't that strong, I walked with some fear of the conversation we would have, when I got to the kitchen I saw Laura facing the stove doing something, but it was irrelevant at the moment, I felt euphoric and uneasy seeing her in such a domestic situation and I got lost in my thoughts and only came back to reality when she was standing in front of me with a calm smile.
-Good morning Tay, are you feeling better? she asked as she walked past me and set a few things on the table.
-I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of making breakfast.
-Laura, about yesterday I'm sorry..., But she cut me off
-It's okay Tay, honestly I'm not sorry, but I also can't explain what happened or what I feel, I never thought of you that way, but yesterday, after that I felt so many things, good things and I don't think it can. be something bad. I kept looking at her in surprise.
-I, I just felt like it would ruin our friendship and God Laura, I really wouldn't want you out of my life. I spoke sincerely and watched her smile and felt at peace, I sat in one of the chairs and drank some coffee.
-What are we going to do with it, I don't know if things can be like before now, we've crossed the line of friendship.
-You're right, nothing will be like it was now and I honestly don't want them to be Tay, I don't know what we have, but I think I want to find out. She sat in a chair next to me and held my hand as she watched me for an answer.
-I also want to find out what this is Lau, but I'm afraid and I need you to promise me that even if it doesn't work out, we'll still be friends.
-I promise Tay, but we can't think of the worst, everything will end well.
CURRENT TIMES
Remembering that morning was torture, and the promise that everything would turn out okay was a lie, but I took it, and I believed that nothing could tear us apart at that moment, and look where we are now, a few days ago Natasha had convinced me to leave. and buy some new clothes to go to the event, since the said would be in a few weeks and I still felt a certain fear about participating, but I couldn't go back on the decision.
2016
I never imagined that I would be like this with Laura at some point in my life, I had never looked at her as anything more than a friend and I feel like she thought the same, but spending the afternoon with her resting her head on my lap while we watched some movie , I had no idea what it was about, my attention was all hers and the good sensations that came with her presence, I ran my hand through her long black hair and sighed happily, she looked at me for a few seconds and smiled and that smile affected me.
-Is there something on my face? You haven't stopped looking at me since we started this movie and I'm pretty sure you couldn't even tell me his name. She said jokingly and got up, I missed her warmth next to me.
-I just feel like this is all surreal, it's good, but it's still so unbelievable. I watched the television as I felt his eyes on me.
-I know how you feel, I never thought of that possibility, in fact of anything that involved us like that, so I ask you to have a little patience, it's all so new, you're the first woman I'm interested in this way. I set the film aside and reached out to touch his hand.
-It's okay Lau, we'll find out how to deal with it. She came back closer and laid her head on my shoulder.
We spent the next few hours like that, just enjoying each other's presence and I just wish time would stop so we could stay like that forever, and feel all that peace that, looking at it now, only she could provide, when she left. with the promise of return hovering between us and nothing but a hug, signaling a light farewell, when I closed the door and returned to my now empty room I could feel light and truly happy.
POV Laura
Being with Taylor was always great, but now it was different, an incredible different, I felt like screaming and showing how happy I was, but I couldn't rush it, things between us were too new and we couldn't even name what we felt, when I realized I needed to go home and I felt a little disappointed, but the fear was inevitable, and the thought of all the consequences was terrible. I avoided seeing Taylor for a week after our conversation, I was still afraid to admit that I might be having different feelings for her, but at the same time I felt like staying by her side, the new season promotion trips were next month and I needed controlling myself and talking to Taylor again, I couldn't break my promise that it wouldn't affect our coexistence, but so far I'd only done the opposite.
POV Taylor
After that Laura just disappeared and I started to believe that she had regretted it and forgotten her promise, I decided that I would not look for her and respect her time, I had no right to pressure her. Just a short time before the start of the promotion season, we would have an event that would start the international premieres and I felt apprehensive about that, since I would be in the same environment as Laura and after so much silence I was afraid of how her behavior would be at that moment, but I couldn't help but participate and I decided that maybe it was time to move on, because that thing with her wouldn't move on at all, so I thought I'd better invite someone to accompany me and Holly would be perfect, we were good friends for a good time time, so I called her and to my happiness she agreed to accompany me, so for the next few days I spent my time trying to occupy my mind with something to get rid of all the things that had been circling my head for the last few weeks.
With a day to go before the party Holly and I went out shopping and choosing what to wear the night of the event, and as we walked we were surrounded by some paparazzi and asking them to back off was pointless, but luckily for us by then we had already bought everything. what we needed, I dropped Holly at her place and went back to my apartment and I was really excited to go to the party the next night and because of that excitement the rest of the day and the next day dragged on, but there I was, in the car with Holly next door, almost as excited as I was, hadn't taken her to any of these events yet, when we got out of the car we were blinded by the rain of flashes around us and people screaming my name, we quickly passed the photo area and entered the hall and I could see Laura further on talking to Uzo, she was so beautiful, she feels my heart beats out of step and that made me terrified with the possibility of getting attached to these feelings and ends up r really hurting me. I was still lost in daydreams when I felt her gaze on me and I could have sworn I saw a flash of anger flash through her eyes at that moment.
POV Laura
I continued to keep my distance from Taylor even though it made me upset, I needed to think and overcome some of the fear that was still inside me, but I decided that I would talk to her at the event and how big was my surprise when I saw her walk in with a woman who I didn't know, so the feeling of anger took over me little by little, I kept looking at her and brooding inside, maybe spending all this time away from her was a bad idea, I wanted to go there and get satisfaction about her company, but I remembered that I had no right to do that, we didn't have any kind of commitment, but that didn't stop my anger, I sighed and walked away enough to get out of her sight, I needed to calm down and find the right moment to talk to her, just thinking about the possibility of her being with someone else made me crazy. I was drinking some water away from the hall when I felt a hand and my shoulder, I turned around in surprise and was even more so when I saw her.
-Tay... I said releasing the breath I held without realizing it.
-Laura. She said in a half-empty tone.
-Tay, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have disappeared like that, but I needed to think, I was really afraid of... I was cut by her.
-You didn't have to run away, you just had to say that you didn't want anything more than what we had before, you were a complete imbecile. But before she could continue talking I kissed her, and it felt so good that I felt irritated to deprive myself of these feelings for her, when the kiss ended, I kept our foreheads together and sighed happily.
-I'm sorry, but I promise I won't do it again, being away from you was a tremendous challenge, but it was important for this fear I felt before to disappear, and now I have no doubt that I want to be by your side to discover what happened. that's what we're feeling.
-I don't know if we should continue with this, whatever it is, let's forget about it and move on as usual, it was an accident, we weren't aware. Hearing that from Taylor hurt significantly.
-I don't want any of that Taylor, I already said I'm sorry, is this because of that woman you brought? I asked and let the anger show in my words.
-Of course not, Holly is just a friend, but at least she doesn't run away from me, she's always there.
-I'm just asking for a chance to right this mistake Taylor, I know I made a mistake. She took a deep breath and pulled a little farther away from me.
-I need to think, okay? I've felt bad all these weeks and the least you can do now is give me some time to think. Before I could answer anything she left, I leaned against one of the walls and cursed myself for being such an idiot, when I returned to the salon she was already gone, but I decided that I would respect her time, but I would not give up on her so easily. So, I ended up realizing it a little late and I would do everything to reverse the situation.
POV Taylor
It had been exactly a week since I had last seen Laura, she was respecting my time and that was very important as only then was I able to think clearly enough to decide if it was worth taking the risk with something so uncertain and unstable , so I ended up making the most uncertain decision that could exist and I texted her asking if she could come so we could talk and in less than half an hour she was already knocking on my door with a solitary lily in her hand, I let her in and I closed the door behind her, we sat on my couch with some distance from each other and silence reigned for a few more minutes, until I broke it.
-I accept to give this a chance Laura, I don't know how it will be from now on, but I'm still afraid that you'll leave again, so please think about it, I don't want to get hurt.
-It's a promise Tay, but this time a real promise, I won't run away when things get difficult, I want to be by your side and discover all this with you. I reached out to touch her hand and smiled calmly.
-Then let's get into this together.
The following months were the best, we didn't put labels on our relationship, but there came a time when I could no longer deny that I was in love with her, we kept everything a secret, but some people still knew about us, Natasha and Uzo were the first to notice the changes in our behavior and we were not able to distort the facts, the important thing was our happiness which was real and supported by our closest friends, but I still felt like deepening my relationship with Laura, but maybe it was still too soon, we were lying down in her bed one night, after hours in each other's arms and Laura suggested a trip.
-What do you think about taking advantage of our break before everything gets hectic again, and going away for a few weeks? I analyzed your proposal and really didn't have anything on my agenda until the start of the disclosure.
-It can be good, we spend so much time trapped and taking turns between our apartments, a trip would be good to unwind, do you have somewhere in mind?
-I think we should choose a half-desert place, where few people don't recognize us, but I can't think of a specific place, how about we google it? I'm sure we'll have good options.
We spent an hour or more looking for places and came to an agreement with a quiet place and a little further away from civilization, a time that was truly ours, so the choice was a cozy chalet, we bought the tickets for two days later, organized our bags and let us know to Uzo and Natasha. The day of the trip didn't take long to arrive, we went to the airport in separate cars so that we weren't taken by surprise, the trip took long hours, but it was worth it when we were facing that incredible landscape, our chalet was next to a lake , surrounded by huge trees, the closest cabin to us was about 20 minutes to the west. We were living a true domestic experience, it even felt like we were newlyweds enjoying their honeymoon.
-It's so quiet, I think we should come back again in the future, what do you think Tay? he asked happily as I washed the dishes we'd messed up to make lunch.
-I think it's a great idea, it seems that we are different people here, none of the fame that chases us out there. I washed my hands and turned off the water.
-Yes, we are just two women enjoying the freedom. She came closer to me and I wrapped her arms around her waist as she rested her face on his chest.
-What do you want to do now? There aren't many options, but we can stay here and watch a movie, or go outside and enjoy the cool breeze.
-Hm...a tough choice I'd say, but looking back, I think I'd love to lie with you while we pretend to watch the movie. I started to laugh and agreed.
-Alright, let's pretend to watch the movie, but then we'll definitely explore the place.
We lay in bed most of the day and when we got up to explore we didn't have more than two hours of sunlight left so it would be a bad idea to go out, the exploration ended up staying for another day.
-Tay? What will you want for dinner? I heard Laura asking, I was getting some wood to put in the fireplace.
-Whatever you want Lau, I don't think I've ever eaten anything bad that you've prepared, and I'll be there in a few moments to help you. I spoke loud enough for her to hear and I heard a murmur of confirmation, when I finished with the firewood I went straight to the kitchen and found Laura already starting to prepare something that I could not identify, but I continued by her side helping with whatever was necessary. .
We spent all the remaining days in that place with the same routine, enjoying the peace and all the feelings we had for each other. The day of the return was sad, none of us wanted to say goodbye to the place, we had clung to the pure air of the forest and the silence that surrounded us, we went to the airport in silence, enjoying the view of the place for the last time, for now clear , but the trip that had everything to end well ended up yielding a shower of flashes as soon as we set foot on the place, somehow they had discovered we were there, we tried to hide, but it was too late and we were sure we would be in the headlines.
POV Laura
Our trip to Alaska would have been perfect if we hadn't been found, so many photos and speculation about us had been circulating the last few days, and fear had taken over again, the time spent with Taylor was incredibly wonderful, I didn't want to miss any of it, but it was starting fearing the reactions of the fandom and others, the trips to publicize the new season had already passed and the premiere was perfect.
But I needed to take a trip in a few days, I was going to spend time with Danny and some other friends of ours, the idea for the trip came up after our photos were leaked, we decided not to comment on it, and I thought the trip might help to settle the dust and also because of complaints that I wasn't spending as much time with them anymore and even though I didn't want to leave Tay's side, I decided it might be good to spend a week with them and try to forget everything that was going on, Danny was also aware of my involvement with Taylor, but didn't seem to approve, I was determined to ask Taylor on a date when I got back and if everything went well I would also make it official to the media, I was completely in love with her and even if fear tried to stand out in this situation I would give mine better to overcome. Taylor hadn't liked the idea of this trip—she'd already noticed Danny's distaste for the whole situation.
-Laura, do you really need to go on this trip? I don't understand the reason to go so far just to spend time with them, I'm really going to miss you this week. I considered the possibility of not going just to see his sullen face, but it was necessary, I approached and put my hands on his waist.
-It's been a while since I've done anything with them in a long time, I promise that this week will fly by and soon we'll be together again. I gave her a smile hoping to calm her down a bit and hugged her gently.
-You're right, but that still doesn't make me like the idea of you going with him, it's clear he doesn't like you being with me. she pulled back and looked into my eyes.
-That's none of his business Tay, being with you is what I want and he might not like it, but I'll still come back to you. Her expression softened and I felt more relieved, I kissed her and that night, before I had to leave, we loved each other calmly and there in her arms I felt complete as ever.
-Laura, honestly you know that I don't agree with this relationship at all, I don't recognize you anymore, I thought you wanted to get married and have children, a normal and traditional family, it's too strange to see how you changed just by being close to that woman, somehow you got carried away, that's not your true face, you're fooling yourself into thinking you love that woman. Danny's words hurt, I had told him my intentions to formalize my relationship with Taylor and I had received all these hostile words, but those words echoed through my mind on several occasions later, he had also taken another friend of ours who didn't see the At the time, Ben Foster, he always seemed like a nice guy and was interested in me, but at that moment I only had eyes for Taylor, and besides Ben we had a few more old friends.
-There's nothing wrong Danny, I don't like women, this is an exclusive feeling for Taylor, you know me, I've never looked at another woman with ulterior motives, but with her things seem to flow so well, I don't understand her reasons for don't support me. I spoke in exasperation.
-Have you thought about how your mother will react to this? It's going to be terrible Laura and there's still time to reconsider and we can get her life right, think about it, I know it's going to be rational.
Danny's words continued to run through my mind and with that I decided that I could no longer continue with that relationship, I had been deluded all that time, thinking I was in love with Taylor, but I had realized how wrong I was to get involved, but I didn't go to her right away, I spent more than a week avoiding having any contact whatsoever, she was always calling me or texting me, but I couldn't feel anything but repulsion. But I was already putting off this conversation too much, so that Friday afternoon I left the house determined to end it all, I called her and said I was going to her apartment and that we needed to talk, when I arrived I was greeted with a big hug, but I refused I felt comfortable with that feeling so I pulled away and noticed the questioning look she was giving me.
-Laura, I missed her, because she didn't answer my messages or answer my calls, I was worried. I let her finish and got straight to the point.
-Taylor I can no longer continue with this relationship, I was confused, I didn't think straight when I agreed to get involved with you, she looked at me scared and her eyes glistening with tears.
-But out of nowhere? I don't understand, we were fine and, Laura, I don't know if it's too soon or not, but I love you and... But I didn't let him finish his sentence.
-I'm sorry Taylor, but I'm not like that, you know I've never been involved with women and I don't know what happened, I'm leaving, I'm sorry... I couldn't deny that your last words touched me, but I couldn't stay, being with her wasn't right.
Current time POV Taylor
The memories of that night still hurt, every word she said felt like a knife being thrust into my body, and soon after she announced her engagement which made me worse than I could imagine, acting next to her became torture at times. i thought about giving up as the pain was unbearable whenever i saw her from afar on set, we never had a proper goodbye, she walked into my house, said she couldn't go on and ignored my feelings, quick and not easy, maybe it was for her , but look what I've become.
And after all that time, maybe it was time to try to somehow let it all go, but it was so painful and hard to forget, besides ridiculous, we had a nameless relationship for only 6 months, I wanted more, I still do, but looking now it seems to be impossible.
Current Time
POV Laura
Ben had apologized for his rude behavior the other night, said he'd had a bad day and spent the day making up for the mistake, I didn't question him about it anymore, it was time to let it go, he was always so nice, pinning on an isolated error was bullshit, so we arranged to go out for the weekend to take our daughter to a private park, as we cherished her anonymity, Ella was very excited, and since Ben had been working so hard the last few weeks she felt his absence in House.
But when we arrived Ben barely paid attention to our daughter, he was close to her, but he was always looking at his cell phone, but I couldn't charge him that, maybe it was something from work and he was so attentive that I couldn't complain, I felt grateful to have married such a good man and dedicated to the family, I stopped to watch as he took Ella in his arms and turned her, her laugh was so good and happy that it made me forget about any problem.
When we got home that afternoon the three of us were laughing and Ella enjoying her ice cream, I went upstairs with her so I could give her a bath and when I returned to the living room I found Ben on the phone, but when he saw me he quickly said good-bye and hung up.
-Who were you talking to, dear? I asked as I sat next to him on the couch.
-It was just Danny asking me out tonight, you know, it's been a while since we've done anything together. I nodded silently, and looked at him.
-Come on dear, it's good to go out and distract yourself a little, I bet you're tired of all this routine, say I said hi to Danny. I gave him a kiss and he soon got up to go get ready, I smiled and got up to prepare dinner, I would do something light since it would be just me and Ella again.
The weeks went by as usual, Ben didn't get rude to me again and he didn't even come home late and drunk, he was even thinking about doing something special for us since our wedding anniversary was in two days and wanted to show how grateful he was for having him by my side, so the day before I told him to arrive early because I had a surprise for him, but I was surprised when he didn't say anything about our anniversary and just gave me a murmur in response, but I put that aside and committed myself in making a nice dinner, but the hours went by and he didn't show up and that was already making me distressed, he had promised not to do that anymore, I took my phone and started calling expecting him to come home at any moment, but without As soon as I noticed the sun was breaking over the horizon and Ben still wasn't home, I heard the ring from my phone that had been left in the kitchen and ran to answer it, hoping it was Ben with news and a good explanation of why. he wasn't home yet, but it was just my agent.
-Lena, it's not a good time I'm... But I didn't finish talking.
-Laura, I need you to look at the headline of....
-But for what reason? I don't understand Lena. I heard her taking a deep breath.
-Just look at Laura. I agreed and said goodbye to her, I was still worried, but I opened the website and the breath escaped my lungs, Ben had been photographed kissing a woman on the street, the news was everywhere, I sat in one of the chairs with my cell phone stuck to my chest, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, I was in shock and didn't know what to do and now all those overnight departures and late returns, that really was a trigger to notice his behavior in the last few months, and always it was there, right under my nose and I didn't even realize I was being made a fool of.
I spent a lot of time sitting and thinking about what to do from now on, continuing with him was no longer an option, I was sure he was being laughed at on the internet, I got up and started to compose myself, I had a daughter to take care of and a process of divorce to start, I picked up the phone again and dialed Lena's number.
-Lena, I want you to contact my lawyer and ask him to start the separation procedures, and full custody of Ella. She nodded and I ended the call, just in time to see Ben coming home, he looked at me strangely and started talking.
-Laura, I can explain, this was a moment of weakness, I need you to understand this, I have my needs and lately you've been too busy and it made me feel a little neglected and I ended up doing it. I looked into his eyes and took a deep breath, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
-How dare you say that? I've always been here, I left everything for you, I lived for our marriage, and to hear that it was all caused by a neglect that never existed?
-I have needs Laura, can't you understand that? I laughed in disbelief, it wasn't possible.
-Look, there's no more, I want a divorce. I said trying to contain my anger, but seeing his surprised face made me sick, it was like he hoped I wouldn't mind.
-You can only be kidding, we have a family, a daughter Laura, you can't want a divorce because of a mistake.
-An error? Dammit Ben, now you care about your family? You barely spend time with your own daughter, you go out most nights, and now I know what you've been doing all this time, and I feel like an idiot for believing you were a good husband and the best choice I could have made. to do.
-We are not going to divorce Laura, it was a mistake and we can fix it, go through it together and get over it, divorce is too drastic, rethink.
-You have two hours to get your things out of here, and without fanfare, I don't want Ella to know yet, and don't come back here, the next time we meet will be with our lawyers so we can sign the divorce papers.
-Laura, don't you dare destroy everything we have. I raised my hand and didn't let him continue.
-You think I'm some idiot Foster? Look me right in the eyes, I trusted you, I was faithful at every moment and this is how you repay, sleeping with another, I left everything for you, I walked away from people for you and this is how you repay me, just disappear from My front. I was playing hard to get, but deep down I just wanted to cry for hours and hours without stopping, but I couldn't, I had to think about Ella.
I turned my back on him and went to my daughter's room, who luckily was still sleeping peacefully in her bed, I kissed her on the cheek and took a deep breath, trying to have the courage to face what would come next, before the time had passed. When Ben had finished, he had already left without saying anything and I tried to continue the day normally so that Ella wouldn't suspect anything.
Ben spent a lot of the time we were waiting for the papers giving me hell, no matter how many times I told him that there was no point in insisting on that failed marriage anymore, but he didn't seem to understand, it took about a month until the paperwork was done, but Foster was reluctant to sign, we made the appointment twice and he didn't show up, he was starting to really piss me off, the worst was when I had to explain to my daughter why her father didn't live with us anymore, and all the pressure from the press about my divorce, I was starting to feel suffocated, the third date to sign papers was set for the next morning, and I was asking any and all God to make the asshole be there so we could get it over with for good. with that story. I put Ella to sleep and went back to the living room, it was hard to sleep the last few days, my daughter was the only thing I didn't regret about that wedding, and when I thought back to how I got into all this I remembered Taylor and my reasons to let her go, I'd given up everything to delude myself with this dream of a perfect family and look where I ended up, but it was too late to regret my own decisions. The other day when we were signing the divorce, Foster tried everything to get me to reconsider, but there was nothing to reconsider, and somehow I felt like I got rid of a big weight when I finished signing, I was going to start my life over side of my daughter.
POV Taylor
I was quite airy that morning, I woke up right away to a call from Natasha saying I had to see what the topic was, I was never really into social media so I relied on Tasha to tell me about the bombs, but I wasn't expecting such news, it wasn't even halfway through the morning and the most talked about topic of the moment was about the possible betrayal of Laura's husband, that had been a big surprise, Laura had always painted him as the best man in the world. world, a devoted husband and father, and those photos said the opposite of his entire rant, I returned Natasha's call.
-Tasha, I swear I wasn't expecting this one, they seemed to be the perfect couple living the American dream of the white picket fence.
-I thought the same, but as we can see, appearances can be deceiving and Laura must be pulling her hair out. I heard her laughing and couldn't help but follow her.
-You are a bad friend girl.
-I'm sorry you think like that, but seriously, I'd love to talk to her and ask her about what she's feeling at the moment, but it was her choice to walk away from all of us and I don't know how to do that.
-I'm sure she needs someone to support her right now, but I don't think any of us will do that.
I spent a little more time talking to Tasha, but then we hung up, I put my cell phone aside and my thoughts went straight to Laura, it was kind of stupid of me to feel kind of glad about her divorce, but that was all, I had long ago understood that there was no going back but knowing that she finally realized she was married to the biggest asshole in the country was great and i wished she could find her happiness somehow, i still loved her just the same but nothing would change. And what was my surprise when I received another call from Tasha, almost a month and a half after the betrayal, saying that Laura's divorce was official, I was waiting for everything but this news.
-No Tasha, I'm not going to talk to her, that would be too much humiliation. He said as he walked through the park with Natasha and Uzo beside him.
-Tay is right, Nat, taking advantage of a moment of weakness is low and if they didn't work out before it is quite possible that it could be worse if you insist.
-As you are killjoys, it was just a suggestion, whoever spoke is no longer here.
We continued our tour talking about the upcoming event, it would be a week away and we were all excited to have everyone together in one place again, it would be like going back in time and reliving all the emotion. That afternoon with them was great, it was nice to spend quality time with them, it made me forget about the pain and smile at Tasha's silly jokes, when I got home I took a shower and lay on my bed and all I could think about was in the recent turnaround, the love of my life was officially single and out of my hands, I smiled humorlessly and enjoyed yet another sleepless night.
And finally the big day had arrived, the big event of the meeting, the press was in force there, it had been a long time since something like that happened, of course we were always trying to go and honor the work of each other, Tasha had arranged in the same place as me, we had already decided before that we would go to the place together, she didn't say, but I knew she was worried about me that night and I felt grateful to have her by my side always supporting me.
-We're crushing Tay, and I swear if she wasn't engaged I'd take you to bed. I looked at her with fake anger and she laughed at me.
-Have manners Natasha.
We passed the photographers' area, but it didn't take us long there, I was too excited to see the others, a calm music was playing at the moment, and my animation faded as soon as I noticed the green immensity of her eyes, she was so close and so far away. At the same time, I felt like I could die and all the progress of overcoming had fallen apart with just that look, but getting closer was not an option, I felt Natasha put one of her hands on my shoulder and I looked at her trying to calm her down.
-Tay, it's going to be okay, I'll be by her side for the whole party, if you need me to hit her I'll go. I started laughing at her nonsense and soon some of that anguish passed.
But I knew that at some point or another I would have to face my fears and talk to Laura, what could happen? It couldn't get any worse than it already was and having the chance to talk to her one more time would be good or not, it was too confusing to think about the reactions I would have when the time came. I spent the night putting off that contact and stayed close to the girls while Laura was on the other side of the room talking to some of the show's producers, I tried not to look at her too much, but my body was always betraying me and leading me to look for her, and when I found her in the crowd I felt like I might die.
Going to her was not an option and as time went by I felt more like leaving, I approached Natasha and told her I was leaving, she tried to convince me to stay a little longer, but my body I was crying out for rest, that was the price to pay for being isolated for so long, social skills had evaporated, I said goodbye to a few more people and went to the back exit to avoid possible reporters, I was about to leave when I heard my name, but it wasn't just my name, it was him being said by her, I held the air in my lungs and turned to see her approaching, and I could see the difference that the years had brought, she was more mature and it was possible to see some expression lines , but it was as if I had gone back in time and there she was smiling at me, as if nothing had happened.
-Taylor! It's been so long since we last saw each other. She said it in such a simple way, as if nothing had happened between us, as if she had never woken up next to me, I was silent for a while longer, until I noticed her embarrassed face.
-Hey, has it really been a while, maybe since the last premiere? I even unintentionally smiled at her, I couldn't let her see that it still had some effect on me.
-I think so, but what have you done, I missed her. I ran my hand over my face and felt uncomfortable, I was still suspicious of that approach, but I kept calm.
-I missed you too.
-What do you think of setting up a lunch, nothing much, just to catch up on the conversation. I looked at her in surprise and I could feel the blood drain from my face, how could I accept it? It was like accepting your own death sentence, but denying it would be grossly impolite, it took me a while to respond.
-Maybe, do you still have my number?
-Yes I have.
-Then send me a message and we'll arrange a good day for both of you. That was a mistake, I knew it would hurt me later.
-Okay, I'll send it this week.
We said goodbye and she returned to the salon and I went on my way to leave, but I felt my heart pounding in my chest and I scolded myself loudly, nothing would happen between us again I had already hurt enough with her once, I didn't need another dose . When I got home, I just wanted to lie down and forget about that night, but it felt like sleep was going to be impossible.
POV Laura
It was late when I got home, and I finally felt alive, like the divorce had taken a weight off my back, being in the same environment as all those people did me good, and the best thing was seeing Taylor after so long, she had changed a lot, she seemed less cheerful to me than she used to be, i didn't want to believe that my distance contributed to her new personality, i decided i shouldn't think about it so much for now, and then i would send her a message so we could arrange something , I was excited to rescue some lost ties, friendships I ignored in favor of the one I thought would be my lifelong companion, but mistakes happen and now was the time to get my life back on track.
I ended up putting off calling Taylor, so almost a week after our meeting I still hadn't worked up the courage, that afternoon I decided I would take Ella out for ice cream and enjoy the sunny day to have some fun, she was still upset about the whole divorce thing, but already seemed to be getting used to it, even if there wasn't much to get used to, as Foster was rarely there to fulfill his father's obligations. I spread a red blanket on the floor and put a basket with some snacks I had made, I sat and watched Ella running across the grass with some other kids she had met, I felt so good and free that way, but by then I was starting to feel thinking about Taylor and how I was a selfish asshole back then, I got carried away by the words of that asshole Danny, how I regret having followed her advice and at that moment I found myself clueless with her, how would she forgive me? My thoughts were interrupted by someone saying my name in a surprised way, when I turned around I saw Taylor standing a few meters away looking at me in a disgruntled way, it hurt me and her presence made me even more surprised and still, we lived in the same city years, but we had never met like that, I got up and walked over to her.
-What a surprise, I don't think we've ever met like this before. I said smiling and saw her move a little uncomfortable.
-Yes, but that must be because I haven't been out much lately, I've been at home most of the time, I needed a break from all the hustle. I put my hands in my pants pockets and sighed, before I could say anything else I felt someone grab my legs, and I smiled knowing she was my little girl.
- Mom, who is this girl? I saw Taylor smile a little as he looked at Ella.
-She is a friend of mom's, her name is Taylor, we worked together before, she met you when she was very little.
-Hi Taylor. Ella said and ran off to go play with her new friends.
-She looks a lot like you, she's a clone of her. Taylor said while still looking at my daughter in the distance.
-Yes, I never imagined that she would look so similar, Ella is my little ray of sunshine, I don't know what I would do without her.
-They grow up so fast, I imagine it must be hard to see her become independent. I agreed with her and felt a little nervous.
-Taylor I think we need to talk, I know I messed up with you and I wanted to fix things. I looked at her expectantly and her expression remained the same.
-Look Laura, there's nothing to fix, it's gone, it doesn't matter anymore, we go on with our lives, I need to go, I have to sort out some things before I go home, we'll see you around.
She didn't even give me a chance to say what I wanted, I felt a little angry when I noticed her indifference, even though I deserved it in a way, but I wanted to make up for some of the damage I had done, I sat down again and took a deep breath, but I had tried, no one could say I hadn't tried to make it right with her, and even if it hurt, maybe it was for the best, I couldn't hold her to this sea of suffering.
POV Taylor
After that surprise meeting with Laura I felt a little worse than before, but I couldn't accept her return to my life, as if all those years of pain hadn't existed, it wasn't that simple, she couldn't think it was, she had received an invitation from Holly earlier to go out for a bit and have some fun, I thought about denying it at first, but after meeting Laura I needed to relieve myself somehow, and nothing better than a little alcohol on the brain to clear my head, I took the cell phone and confirmed my presence. I arrived at the bar and it took me a while to find Holly in the midst of all those people, I wasn't used to going out and interacting with people anymore.
-Tay, I still can't believe you really came, I've been trying to make you go out with me for so long. I looked at her and smiled, took her hands.
-Sorry about that Hol, I know I was stuck for a long time, but it's time to get over it and enjoy the moment. She seemed to perk up and pulled me over to where some of our acquaintances were.
When I woke up the next morning I felt a huge headache, my mouth was dry and I noticed that I was not in my room, I heard some laughter from a child and I was confused, I got up, still feeling the alcohol in my body, and I followed the sound, when I got to the kitchen and saw Laura with her back to me while cutting some fruit and Ella laughing while watching the cartoon, at that moment I knew I had screwed up, Laura turned and looked at me with a serious expression.
POV Laura
I was still mulling over all the conversation I'd had with Taylor that week, and I couldn't forget his indifference, my thoughts were cut off when my phone rang, it was after two in the morning, and seeing Taylor's name on my screen was too surprising. , I was in doubt about answering, but I ended up giving up, at first I could only hear the loud music playing, until I could hear Tay's drunk voice.
-Prepon, you asshole, I'm calling to tell you what an asshole you are. Taylor's lines didn't make much sense at the time.
-Taylor, what are you talking about, where are you? I was starting to get worried, I got up from the couch and got the car keys, I thought about how bad it would be to leave at that time, at least Ella wouldn't be alone, Baba was with us.
-That's none of your business Prepon, I decided to go out and live, stop whining around the corners because of you, that's right, your fault! I sighed and ran my hand over my face, she was very drunk.
-Tay, tell me where you are, before I go scouring each one of the bars in this city.
With great difficulty she ended up giving me the address, I went as fast as I could, when I arrived, I was surprised to see the place so full, finding Taylor there would be a terrible challenge, I got out of the car and locked it, put on my coat and went through the drunk crowd that surrounded me, it took about ten minutes until I saw Tay's blonde hair, but I felt my chest sink when I saw her kissing with some girl, I felt so angry at that moment, no one had the right to touch Taylor like that Anyway, I increased the pace of my steps and pulled her by the arm, she looked confused until her eyes met mine, and I could feel the weight of her frustration, she took her arm from my hand and glared at me.
-Damn Prepon, have you gone crazy?
-Let's go Taylor, you're not in a position to complain. I took her arm again, but this time more gently, but she was still struggling, but I continued to pull her.
-Let me go, I don't want to leave. I only stopped pulling when we got to the car and put her inside.
- Just be quiet, I'll take you home.
-I don't want to be close to you Laura, you don't know how much it hurts me, I spent all these years crying for you, for having abandoned me, I loved you so much, no, the truth is that I never stopped loving you and that makes me it hurts everyday, i just wish i could hate you, but it seems impossible, i...
She stopped talking and turned her face to the window, I tried to put my hand on her shoulder but she walked away and I decided to keep silent, I couldn't take her to her house, so I would take her to mine, we spent the rest of the trip without saying a word, I parked the car in the garage and she didn't come out, when I opened her door I saw that she was sleeping peacefully, I made her get up and walk awkwardly beside me, I took her to the guest room and left her lying down , I watched her sleep longer, and I could only feel terrible for everything I caused in her life, her words still echoed in my mind and I didn't know what to do to fix things at least a little.
I got up early to make breakfast and went out to buy medicine for the hangover that Taylor would have, when I came back I went to Ella's room to wake her up, she would have to go to school in a few hours, I let her watch a little drawing while cutting some fruit, but soon I felt Taylor's presence, turned around to find her with a terrible face, pointed to the table for her to sit on and put some coffee in a mug, set it in front of her , along with a pill.
-I'm sorry for the inconvenience Laura, in fact I can barely remember what happened last night. I crossed my arms and leaned against the countertop behind me.
-We really need to talk Taylor, you ended up saying a lot of things yesterday. I saw her cringe as she took the medicine.
-Forget it Laura, it was a mistake and I don't intend to do something like that again.
-Enough of running away Taylor! I'm tired of it, and I feel like the biggest asshole in the world for making you suffer like that, and I want to make it right. I was careful not to speak loudly and Ella overhear.
-We have nothing to fix Laura, just forget about it. She started to get up and I approached her.
-Tay, please, I'm here acknowledging my mistake and trying to get back together with you, just give me one last chance to do things differently now. I sat down next to her and put my hand on her shoulder.
-Look if it didn't work out the first time, who's to say it will now? I can get hurt a lot more than the last time, and Laura I haven't even recovered from the first time, you might as well change your mind, it might not be today or tomorrow, but go, and I'll end up in the same hole.
-No, you have my word Tay, this will not happen again, I want a life with you and I understand that this can be sudden, but I had a lot of time to think and review everything, it was always you, and I left everything we had for a stupid fear and influence of even stupider people, but I want to give a new direction to our story, and I need you to give me one last vote of confidence and I guarantee that this time there will be no regrets.After she left I sat next to Ella on the couch and took a deep breath, hoping she could forgive me and give me another chance, sorry for not realizing sooner that it would always be her and no one else.
POV Taylor
All that conversation left me confused, and full of fears, I opened the door of my apartment and walked to my room, threw myself on the bed and felt some tears running down my face, I was so lost and hurt, Laura had no right to do this. that with me, I couldn't just drop the bomb in my lap and let me deal with the explosion of feelings, all those years of regretting and trying to overcome their marks and now it seemed like everything had fallen apart and was so inevitable, but I couldn't give in so easily, she might as well hurt me again and it would be worse, much worse, I had to think, would it be worth taking all these risks for nothing?
-Taylor? I heard Natasha's voice down the hall.
-I am here. She said in a muffled voice.
-I was so worried, I called you like ten times, Holly said that you had disappeared out of nowhere from the bar they were at.
-Laura went to get me. I spoke simplistically and could guess how her expression was at that moment.
-You better tell that story right Taylor Jane!
I sat up in bed and told her about how I ended up waking up at Laura's house and from all the conversation we had that morning, Natasha kept quiet as she listened to every word, when I finished telling her she still remained silent.
-What should I do? I feel so lost and afraid of what might happen.
-You're the one who must decide on this Tay, decide if it's worth the risk or if you're going to try to go on with life without her, but it's all up to you.
-Thank you Tasha, can you leave me alone for a while? I still have a lot to think about.
We said goodbye and I went back to my room and took a shower so I could relax a little, then I went back to bed.
POV Laura
It had been a month and a half since the last time I had spoken to Taylor, I didn't try to look for her, I let her think in peace, but that made me uneasy, I didn't have any news, in the meantime I ended up reconnecting with myself and some people important to me and that was good for Ella, before she didn't have much contact with many people and now I regret killing her so reclusive for so long, Ben tried to get back together a few times, he didn't know when it was time to stop and move on, I didn't push him away from Ella, but he used her as a pretext to try to get closer and that was irritating, that was one of the weekends he would come to pick up our daughter and when the doorbell rang I thought it was him, but when I opened the door and saw Taylor standing there I felt my heart speed up, I really didn't expect her.
-I..I need some time to think Laura, it's not that easy, I really suffered with all this, and as much as I love you, I still have some fear. She pulled away from me and stood up.
-Alright, take your time, I'll wait, but I love you too Taylor, since that time, and I know I was a coward for not living by your side, but I'll wait for you.
-Taylor. I muttered in astonishment as I watched her.
-Can we still talk? I took a deep breath and made room for her to enter, pointed the couch to her and she sat down while avoiding looking at me.
-Now I don't even know where to start, so I'll let you talk. She finally looked at me and I could see fear flash in her blue eyes.
-I spent this month thinking about our conversation Laura and I'm so afraid of getting hurt again if I decide to give you another chance, how will I know it won't happen again, that you won't leave me in the first difficulty that appears .
I had to sit as I listened to each of her fears, and the hope of getting her back faded with every word I uttered.
-I only have my word and my heart Tay, that's all I can offer you, but I'm here ready to start over by your side and all I need is a yes.
-All I can offer now is a sincere friendship Laura, I'm not ready to take the risk yet, if I can handle it we'll move on.
-That's enough, I want to show that you can really trust me.
After our conversation Ben went to pick up Ella and I invited Taylor to lunch, I was already happy just to have her there, everything would be right at the right time.
Lunch was quiet and full of banal conversations, informing us of all the events we had missed in all the years of separation, Taylor left just before dark, I tried to insist that she stay for dinner, but she said she had to go and that we could go out anytime, I was really happy, it felt like all those years hadn't passed and we were still the same.
POV Taylor
Giving Laura that new chance to approach seemed like a bad idea at first, but when we went out again I could see how mature she had become, she was so different and the same at the same time, we went out a lot for a few months and I already felt more comfortable with the situation, Ella's presence was constant and little by little I felt more and more attached to the little girl who gave birth a lot to her mother.
That Sunday afternoon Laura called me to go to the amusement park, as Ella had been talking about him all week, and I of course, agreed to go right away, I liked to spend a lot of quality time with them, Natasha was worried with this new approach and I feared that it would all happen again and even then it did not discourage me from moving forward. I went down in the elevator and stopped in front of the building, Laura had sent a message saying she was almost there, I put my cell phone away when I heard her car horn, I got into the passenger seat, put my seat belt on and turned to look at the little girl in the car. back seat that smiled broadly because we were going to the park.
-Hi to you too Taylor. I turned to her and smiled
-Good morning, Prepon.
Little by little we got back to having a certain intimacy to make some jokes and nasty comments, but none of us brought up the relationship subject after all that previous conversation, we were fine that way, for now. The day at the park had been incredibly fun, and Ella insisted that I go to their house for dinner, I couldn't resist the request and soon we were stopping there, the night was perfect, I said goodbye to them and went home.
The next week I couldn't spend as much time with them, Laura would have to go visit her mother and consequently Ella too, I felt kind of depressed not spending time with them, but Uzo promised to come see me that morning.
-Hey Tay-Tay. She said excitedly as I opened the door, we hugged and I gave her space to enter.
-I already missed you Uz, I have so much to tell you.
-Natasha started to tell a little about what you've been doing in the last few weeks.
-Of course she did. We sat down and I told her how I felt about my current situation and how great it was to spend time with the two of them.
-Are you still afraid to give her another chance? Uzo asked me and I just shrugged not really knowing what to say.
-Honestly, I don't know, the mature figure that Laura has shown me is too good, but I'm still kind of afraid to go one step further and everything will blow up in my face again.
-Tay, I haven't seen you this radiant in years, and Laura has always been the cause of it, I know it may sound crazy now, but what do you have to lose by giving it another chance, you said yourself that she it's mature, maybe it's different now, just take a chance, you know me and Natasha will be here if it goes wrong again, allow yourself to be happy Tay, even if it's scary.
We talked a lot that afternoon and Uzo's words were still in my mind, maybe it was time to set things straight with Laura, and maybe I was finally ready to take the risk. I spent the rest of that week thinking about everything that could go wrong if I went up to her and told her that I was finally ready to move on with our relationship, she hadn't pressured me during that time, let me think and not even mentioned it again. , so when they finally returned, I suggested that we go for a picnic in that park where we met again months ago, I would go ahead and she soon after taking some snacks to spend the afternoon.
POV Laura
That trip was being made exclusively to talk to my mother, the last time I was with Taylor I didn't have the courage to tell, and looking at the situation now, Danny's words hadn't had as much power, except for the part where he quoted my family, and I was so afraid of their reaction that I gave in and left Taylor, but it was a new beginning. Ella was very excited to see her grandma and cousins, since I married Ben the visits had dwindled, and what an irony, I thought a traditional family would keep me close to the people I loved, but I was totally blind and only now realized the evil that made me live with him.
I was still looking for the right time to talk to my mom, we were having a good time, but she still seemed worried about something.
-Laura, honey, you can come here for a moment. Well, it turned out she was going to start the conversation and that was great, I walked over to where she was, sat down next to her and waited for her to start.
-My love, tell me how she is feeling after everything that happened.
-I feel good mom, at first I felt horrible, but then I realized it was better that way, he wasn't good for me or even for Ella, and I don't think I ever really loved him, I was just forcing myself to do it. .
-For my sake, I'm sorry about that, but I feel like that's not all you have to say. I looked at her and took a deep breath, that was the moment.
-Before I got involved with Ben, I was kind of dating someone, and I was completely in love with her, I'm still in love with her, she's a woman so I was scared mom, I was scared of what you would think and how would you react. She looked at me for a few moments and held my hand.
-I would never walk away from you my love, we don't choose who we fall in love with, no matter what gender, you just have to be happy with it, does it make you happy? I felt some tears running down my face, I felt so happy to have her support but tell me honey, who is she? I took a deep breath and looked into her eyes.
-Her name is Taylor mom and she makes me very happy, but I don't know if she will want me back, I messed up her life, and made her suffer in an unimaginable way, I regret it so much mom.
-Laura, never give up on what makes you happy, go after her and show that you're willing to do anything so that this time it works, and please bring her so I can meet the girl who makes my little girl smile.
-I'll do it, I really appreciate it mom, I love you.
That conversation was liberating in many ways, I expected anything but such a quick acceptance, the rest of the days passed calmly, but the time to say goodbye had arrived, and my mother again encouraged me to go after Taylor and before leaving. boarding I received a message from her inviting Ella and me to a picnic in that same park, I accepted and saw an opportunity to invite her to dinner. I was very nervous as I thought about how Tay would react, we hadn't touched on that subject anymore, but I couldn't let it go on any longer than necessary.
Our day at the park was going great, Ella was loving it, she had gotten used to Taylor's presence in our lives and they got along great.
-Tay, I wanted to know if you would like to have dinner with me this weekend, Ella will be with her father and I would like her company. I said like someone who doesn't want anything and she looked at me calmly and agreed.
-Okay, but seriously, I missed you this week, it seems that something is missing in my day when I don't see you.
I felt on cloud nine when she said that and the rest of the afternoon passed in the same normality as always, I felt complete being with the two of them there, Ben was an idiot, but he had given me the best thing in the world, my daughter and knowing that the woman I loved felt good with her around made me radiant.
POV Taylor
I was feeling my nerves on edge that night, I was already dressed and ready to go to Laura, I had plans to put all my cards on the table that night, I was going to allow myself to be happy, I took my dose of courage and went to her, the trip never felt as long as it did that night, and when she opened the door I felt my heart leap and realized that nothing bad could come this time, we had grown up and nothing could spoil it. We made small talk over dinner, but the real conversation started when we sat in the living room and she started talking.
-Tay, I know I promise not to pressure you or anything like that, but I can't stand this flood of feelings anymore and… I interrupted her and took her hand.
-I understand Laura, during these months I was thinking and remembering everything that could go wrong if we went back to trying to have something more than a friendship, but I also realized that in all these years you were always the only one capable of make me truly happy. She looked at me with a loving expression and smiled.
-Tay, I want to start over again, I want to live everything by your side, as it should have been years ago and I promise you won't suffer for me anymore.
And at that moment, things weren't difficult anymore, we would be side by side fighting for what we felt and nothing and no one could change that, I spent a lot of time believing that I wouldn't feel your body next to mine again, here we are, in arms one on the other, kissing us and eliminating all the past bitterness.
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear
You might be right, but I don't care
There's a million reasons why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants