Chapter Text
When Zhehan first met Gong Jun, he couldn’t say it was love at first sight. His first impression of him was admittedly coloured by the knowledge that the original actor for Wen Kexing had dropped out, and with their ever decreasing budget, Gong Jun, being ‘tall and cheap’ had become the next best choice. He was good looking, admittedly, (Zhehan did have eyes), and, Zhehan couldn’t deny that he had appreciated the sight of Gong Jun’s physique a number of times when he happened to walk shirtless through their dressing room. The issue was, that in a cut-throat industry like theirs, simply being attractive just wasn’t enough.
Zhehan was used to working alongside inexperienced actors. He’d earned a reputation for being patient with newcomers and he was capable of taking a novice co-star under his wing and leaving them at the end of filming with at least a little more gravitas in their performances than what they came in with. Zhehan expected Shan He Ling to be a similar sort of situation. Gong Jun wasn’t as green or inexperienced as some of the actresses he’d worked opposite, but he still had the energy of someone who was a little… fresh sometimes.
The first time Zhehan saw Gong Jun practising for their choreographed sword fights he had fought desperately with his own face to keep his expression neutral. Uncoordinated felt like an understatement. Clumsy felt like it ignored the wild flailing of limbs that came with Gong Jun’s movements. Like a newborn foal, all legs, boundless enthusiasm and absolutely no balance, Zhehan couldn’t help but feel it was going to be an uphill struggle for them to settle into a rhythm for their choreography.
However, the admirable thing about Gong Jun that Zhehan soon learned, was that he didn’t give up even when he had no natural talent for something, or found things difficult. His lines, his fight scenes and every single little piece of feedback Zhehan gave him; Gong Jun took it all incredibly seriously and worked tirelessly until he met the standard required of him. Still, Zhehan noticed no matter how many lines Gong Jun had memorised, his improvisation abilities were still pretty lacking.
“Sorry,” Gong Jun said, looking guilty as he broke character. “I don’t know what to say.”
It was the third day of filming, with Zhehan keen to experiment with the script, only for Gong Jun to struggle with anything that diverged from his memorised lines.
“You need to get into character more,” Zhehan urged him, “then it’ll come more easily. Think about what Wen Kexing would say.”
Gong Jun sighed. “I’m trying, I just— I’ve never, uh, never had to improvise before. I’ve always just been told to stick with the script.”
Zhehan nodded. “That’s fine,” he said, “if it’s too difficult for you, we don’t have to—”
“No,” Gong Jun interjected quickly. “I want to get better! I’m sorry for my lack of ability.”
Zhehan smiled at him. “Do you want to practice together, maybe during our next break? Or during lunch?” he offered. This was the longest conversation he’d had with Gong Jun so far. Up until this point they had mostly just ignored each other in the dressing room, beyond the usual polite greetings and brisk discussions on set about who did what and stood where.
Gong Jun’s eyes widened and he nodded quickly. “Yes, if— if you don’t mind helping me?”
Zhehan grinned. There was something quite charming about how ingenuous Gong Jun was. “Of course,” he said, leaning towards him, looking into Gong Jun’s large, bright eyes. “It’ll help us get to know each other better, too. Good for our chemistry.”
There was a slight change in the atmosphere between them suddenly, Zhehan felt. Something like a spark.
Gong Jun looked back at him, a small smile appearing on his lips. “Good,” he said quietly.
❈
“I think Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu should kiss here,” Zhehan said, earning an exasperated sigh from the director and a raised eyebrow from Gong Jun. “What?” he said, looking back at them. “It just makes sense. Also I think they should kiss with tongues.” To further illustrate his argument, Zhehan turned to Gong Jun and stuck his tongue out.
“Not this again,” the director said, hitting Zhehan on the head with a rolled up script. “Do you want our drama to air or not?”
Gong Jun smiled quietly to himself, as Zhehan sighed loudly and leaned back on his stool. He then noticed Gong Jun smiling and grinned back at him. “Don’t you think a passionate kissing scene is what’s missing here, Junjun?”
Gong Jun stared back at him incredulously, looking a mixture of awe-struck and speechless.
“Stop teasing him, Zhehan,” the director said, standing up to leave. “I’ve got to go talk to the producer, let’s take a twenty minute break here.”
The director stood up and left, leaving Zhehan and Gong Jun sat together. Zhehan glanced over at Gong Jun, who seemed to be examining his fingernails in great detail. Zhehan sighed, pouting a little. Was he not being obvious enough? Why wasn't Gong Jun trying to get him alone somewhere private to try and suck his face off? Surely it couldn't be that he wasn't interested in him? Maybe he just needed to up his game and be even more obvious.
"You've got an interesting kissing technique," Zhehan said, causing Gong Jun to choke loudly and look up from his fingernails. "I watched some clips from your other dramas," he continued, the corners of his lips curling upwards into a smirk as he saw the tips of Gong Jun's ears go pink. "I've never seen anyone kiss the way you do."
"Are you making fun of me?" Gong Jun asked, giving Zhehan an unimpressed purse of his lips. He then sighed and stared down at his hands again. "I know my kissing is awkward, I've heard it from everyone else too."
Hmm. This conversation wasn't going the way Zhehan wanted. He felt a painful little tug on his heartstrings at the sight of Gong Jun's dejectedly glum face.
"I could help you improve your technique," Zhehan said quickly, his tongue darting out subconsciously to wet his lips. "I'm actually pretty good.”
Gong Jun frowned at him. "Help me improve? How? And why?"
Zhehan squinted at Gong Jun, dumbfounded. How was he this clueless? Surely he had to be doing this on purpose, just to mess with him. Nobody could be his age and this oblivious.
"How?" Zhehan repeated, leaning closer to Gong Jun so their faces were more than just a little close. "How do you think?"
Gong Jun held his stare for a few seconds, before he leaned back and said, “Zhang-laoshi, if you have something to say, why don’t you say it?”
❈
Later that week, Zhehan gained firsthand experience of what it felt like to have Gong Jun’s lips on him.
Zhehan was sticky with sweat despite them filming at night, the humidity in the Hengdian summer brutal even with the sun down. Zhehan could see that Gong Jun also had little beads of perspiration on his neck and forehead, until they were dabbed away by a makeup artist.
Carefully, and with a slightly shaky hand, Gong Jun reached over and pulled Zhehan’s robe down below his shoulder.
“And then I lean in and… suck on your shoulder?” Gong Jun said, ears going pink as he looked down at the script.
Zhehan turned around, wondering how flustered Gong Jun could get when it came to anything that involved Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu flirting. “Mm,” he said, smirking at Gong Jun mischievously. “Suck out the poison and then spit it out. No swallowing this time.”
Gong Jun raised his eyebrows innocently, which only made Zhehan want to tease him harder. He leaned over, showing off his bare shoulder and said in a quiet voice, “why don’t you practice?” Gong Jun eyed him and his shoulder nervously, before leaning forward and—
“Should I use my tongue?” Gong Jun asked, his breath tickling Zhehan’s shoulder from how close his mouth was.
Zhehan felt his brain short circuit at the question. He had to be doing this on purpose!
“Your tongue?” Zhehan asked, glancing over his shoulder. He might have also fluttered his eyelashes as he looked up at Gong Jun.
“To, uh, clean the wound,” Gong Jun said, clearing his throat lightly.
“If you think that would improve the scene…” Zhehan replied, holding his breath.
“I think Wen Kexing would do it,” Gong Jun said, leaning back again. Zhehan turned around once more to face him. “I think he’d take advantage of Zhou Zishu’s vulnerability to… uh, taste him,” Gong Jun continued, looking at Zhehan’s face shyly.
Zhehan shrugged, trying not to look too excited. It’s not as if he was absolutely gagging for it, but… having been on set with Gong Jun for almost a month, he was starting to feel like the sexual tension between Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing was so palpable it was starting to affect him too. Zhehan felt like he was giving Gong Jun a lot of very obvious signals that he would be down if Gong Jun was interested, which he was fairly sure he was, but for some reason it just hadn’t happened yet.
Zhehan turned back around and felt Gong Jun lean closer to him again, and a few seconds later, the wet, flat part of Gong Jun’s tongue pressed against his shoulder, followed by his lips. Gong Jun sucked gently, his tongue flicking teasingly against the skin. Zhehan felt himself shiver involuntarily and his breath hitch, the sensation stirring something in him, before Gong Jun quickly pulled back and mimed spitting the poison out.
“How was that?” Gong Jun asked.
“Mm,” Zhehan grunted, not trusting himself to say anything else.
❈
“Do you think I’m good looking?”
Gong Jun frowned, glancing across at Zhehan suspiciously.
“With my makeup done like this, do you think I look good?” Zhehan asked, holding his script in one hand and resting his chin on the other. He cast his eyes downward coquettishly as he gave Gong Jun a sideways glance and subtly fluttered his eyelashes.
Gong Jun sighed. “You asked me that yesterday, why do you keep asking?”
Zhehan grinned at him. “I’m just curious. Don’t you think I’m very handsome?”
Gong Jun’s mouth opened, and then closed, and then opened again, as he failed to find any words to respond.
Zhehan raised his eyebrows expectantly.
“I— yes,” Gong Jun said, in a defeated tone.
Zhehan smirked and sat back in his chair. “Good,” he said, “that will help you get into character.”
Gong Jun glanced over at him, looking a little bit offended. “I thought I’d been doing a decent job of that already…”
Zhehan laughed and nodded. “Of course, you’re not doing a bad job at all, but…”
“But?”
Zhehan leaned forward, looking up at Gong Jun from beneath his eyelashes. “But…” Zhehan glanced around them. Nobody was eavesdropping on their conversation, as far as he could tell, but they were never truly alone on the set. “Come eat lunch in my trailer later, I’ll show you what I mean.”
An hour later, Zhehan was sat on the counter in his trailer, his head tilted back, a smug smile on his lips as Gong Jun slowly kissed his neck, stood in between his legs. Both of their lunches were left uneaten on the side and scripts ignored as Gong Jun sucked gently on Zhehan’s skin. His hair tickled Zhehan’s jaw as he moved, careful not to spend too long on any area, just in case he left any marks. Gong Jun leaned forwards to press more slow, wet kisses against the side and back of Zhehan’s neck, their bodies pressed closer together as Zhehan suppressed a shudder, his hand reaching forwards to grasp at Gong Jun’s robes. They were still both in costume, with full faces of makeup, and Zhehan knew they had to be careful to avoid damaging anything or messing up their hair or makeup, particularly in case anyone realised what they were doing. But it was very difficult to hold back when Gong Jun’s mouth felt so good and Zhehan had been waiting for this for what felt like a painfully long time.
“You’re quite good at this,” Zhehan murmured, as Gong Jun went further down, pulling at Zhehan’s robes to leave a wet trail of open mouthed kisses all the way down to his chest. It sent a shiver down Zhehan’s spine and he wished they could both be out of their robes entirely. Gong Jun moved back up to Zhehan’s neck, lifting his wig to the side before he started sucking hard against the skin beneath it. “Hey,” Zhehan said, hitting his shoulder. “Be careful, you’ll leave a mark if you do that.”
Gong Jun straightened up and looked back at him with dark eyes, his lips wet and red. “No one will see under your wig,” he said, his voice coarse before he cleared his throat. “Or, I could…” Gong Jun trailed off, his gaze falling to Zhehan’s lower half.
Zhehan felt a thrum through his body when he realised what Gong Jun was suggesting. He quirked an eyebrow at him, before reaching down and minding some of his robes out of the way, revealing one of his legs, all the way up to his lightly tanned thigh. Gong Jun licked his lips.
“We’ve only got twenty minutes before we need to be back on set,” Zhehan said, as he lifted the other section of his robes and spread his legs apart. Gong Jun nodded, almost trance-like, before dropping to his knees and taking Zhehan into his mouth without any hesitation.
❈
Zhehan wasn’t sure when it was that he realised his feelings for Gong Jun ran a lot deeper than just lust. It might have been when they were filming a scene in the scorching midday sunlight and Gong Jun had lifted his fan up to shield Zhehan’s face from the sun. Or it could have been when Zhehan made an offhand comment one day about his knee pain whenever he had to bend down and after that, Gong Jun never let Zhehan bend down to pick anything up again. Bottles of water, scripts, robes, even things he dropped by accident before he could even register he needed to pick it up again Gong Jun had already swiped it off the floor and was holding it out to him with a smile on his face.
“Here you go, Zhang-laoshi,” he would say, in that sweet tone that made Zhehan want to do unspeakable things to him, like hold his hand in public and while they were having sex tell Gong Jun that he loved him. Depraved shit like that.
Zhehan wasn’t quite sure if it was the same for Gong Jun. The selfish part of him desperately hoped that Gong Jun had fallen as crazily in love as Zhehan had, that his first thought in the morning was about him, his last thought at night was also him, just as it was for Zhehan. Another voice in his head told him he should hope that for Gong Jun it was just sex. Lust was less complicated, less potential to get messy. Made it easier to avoid complications.
“Zhang-laoshi,” Gong Jun said, in a singsong voice as he found Zhehan sat down on a plastic chair beneath a tree, taking a break. Gong Jun sat down next to him and got his phone out, resting his leg against Zhehan’s good knee. He scrolled through his phone for a bit, every now and then finding funny posts and holding his phone up to show them to Zhehan, giggling as he did.
Zhehan sighed as he watched Gong Jun scroll through his phone, feeling so desperately, overwhelmingly fond of him that he believed his heart might burst in his chest. Gong Jun looked up and caught Zhehan staring at him, and smiled back at him, his eyes turning into little half moons and crinkling at the side.
Zhehan groaned internally, fighting the urge to put his head in his hands. He felt butterflies swirl in his stomach whenever Gong Jun kissed him, felt his heart beat faster when Gong Jun was just nearby, he couldn’t even deny it any longer, he was hopelessly, sickeningly, embarrassingly in love and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.
❈
“What would you do if I died?”
Gong Jun choked, sitting up in bed to stare at Zhehan with large, concerned eyes. “Da-ge, why are you asking me that?”
Zhehan laughed and rolled over onto his back, scratching at his stomach and staring up at the ceiling of Gong Jun’s trailer. “Just the scenes we shot today, it made me think about it.”
Gong Jun let out an exasperated sigh. “I hope you’re not planning to throw yourself off a cliff.”
Zhehan sat up and leaned closer to Gong Jun, sticking out his bottom lip in a pout. “If I did, would you jump after me?”
“I wouldn’t let you jump in the first place,” Gong Jun replied, tilting his head forward to kiss Zhehan on the lips. “Definitely not allowed."
Zhehan kissed him back, climbing into Gong Jun's lap and resting his arms against Gong Jun's broad shoulders. "I won't let you jump either, then," Zhehan said, feeling his chest ache suddenly at the thought of losing him.
Gong Jun smiled and nodded, kissing Zhehan again, his nose pressing softly against Zhehan's cheek as their kisses grew more passionate. Zhehan shivered as Gong Jun's fingers trailed along his back and down his waist, before his hands tightened around him and Gong Jun yanked him forwards aggressively, pulling their bodies flush against each other. He reached further down, his hands groping Zhehan’s thighs and ass and Zhehan rocked his hips against Gong Jun’s in response, smiling against his mouth as he heard Gong Jun moan and stir beneath him.
"Are you okay to go again?" Gong Jun asked a little breathlessly, his cock now pressing against Zhehan's hip.
"Why are you asking me that?" Zhehan asked, gently biting Gong Jun's bottom lip. "You're the one who said you were tired after last round."
Gong Jun pulled a face. "Tired? Da-ge, I just said I needed ten minutes—"
Zhehan giggled and interrupted him with a kiss, before leaning back and running a finger along the underside of Gong Jun’s cock, teasingly. "Well then,” he said, looking up at Gong Jun and feeling his breath catch in his throat from the heated gaze he got in return. “It’s been ten minutes, why don’t you lie back and let gege take care of you?”
❈
Zhehan sat on a plastic seat next to Huang Youming, eating watermelon and gossiping with him about industry stuff. They’d worked on a couple of the same dramas in the past, but this was the first time they’d actually been working together. Zhehan liked Huang Youming, he was good fun and happened to have lots of interesting stories about people he’d worked with.
“Thanks for the watermelon, by the way,” Zhehan said, as Huang Youming finished regaling him with a tale about the lead in another drama he’d been in who had refused to start filming unless he was presented with a tray of peanut brittle in the shape of a dragon every morning.
“A gift from my girlfriend,” Huang Youming said, his voice betraying a little bit of pride. At the same time, Gong Jun appeared from around the corner and noticed the two of them sat by the watermelon and came over.
“Youming-ge’s girlfriend brought these in for all of us,” Zhehan said, waving a little cocktail stick at Gong Jun, who looked back at him with a confused expression. “Why don’t you ever get me fruit?”
Gong Jun’s mouth fell open in indignation and he quickly responded, “I get you an apple every day! I— I bought you milk tea yesterday, I paid for our dinner two nights ago—”
Zhehan pouted and stood up, going to get more watermelon. Gong Jun stepped closer to him, tilting his head to the side as he got into Zhehan’s personal space. “Do you want me to buy you watermelon?” he asked earnestly. “I’ll buy as much as you want—”
“Oh my god,” Huang Youming said, shaking his head. “You two should get a room.”
Zhehan turned around and frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Huang Youming laughed. “Of course you don’t. I suddenly understand why you two have such good chemistry on set.”
Zhehan glanced sideways at the unattended cameras that were pointed in their direction and he glared at Huang Youming. “You don’t know anything,” he said, “don’t make assumptions.”
“They’re not recording,” Huang Youming said, following Zhehan’s gaze. “You don’t need to pretend.”
“I get you fruit all the time,” Gong Jun said, still sounding upset about being accused of being anything less than a perfect boyfriend.
Zhehan sighed and smiled, turning back to Gong Jun. “Yeah, you do,” he said, picking up a piece of watermelon and nudging Gong Jun’s hand with it.
“We’re just getting into character,” Gong Jun said, glancing over to Huang Youming, as he ate a piece of watermelon.
“Such dedicated method acting,” Huang Youming replied dryly.
❈
Zhehan lay in bed next to Gong Jun, head propped up on his arm, watching as Gong Jun’s chest rose and fell with his breaths. The bed covers were pooled around Gong Jun’s waist, leaving his chest and abs exposed, and Zhehan gently ran his hand over the expanse of skin, stroking him softly.
There were only a few weeks remaining until the end of filming, and the two of them recently spent every night together in one of their trailers. Zhehan didn’t want to go back to sleeping alone again. He lay back down, placing his arm across Gong Jun’s waist and snuggling closer to him, burying his face against Gong Jun’s side, inhaling the scent of his skin. Gong Jun let out a short sleepy groan, stirring slightly as he shifted in bed, his arm reaching around Zhehan and pulling him closer.
Zhehan had always thought at the start that the thing between them would end once they were done with filming. It made sense that it would end then, especially when it was just about physical attraction.
Zhehan held Gong Jun tighter, not wanting to let go.
They were so obviously in love. Zhehan knew it, his staff (against their will, Xiaoyu had informed him angrily, on multiple occasions) knew it, the crew even teased them about being married and even Huang Youming noticed it after a few hours on set with them.
It couldn’t continue, Zhehan thought; guilt, anger and pain coursing through him as the thought lodged itself cruelly into his brain. Zhehan had never been particularly bothered about hiding his relationships in the past, but… this was different. Gong Jun’s entire drama back catalogue was essentially painting him as the ideal boyfriend or husband, and although the chances of Shan He Ling being any kind of success was pretty remote, the chances of their relationship being discovered and it ruining Gong Jun’s career was a lot less remote, as far as Zhehan saw it.
Gong Jun always spoke at length about how badly he wanted to be successful and get rich, to earn enough to look after his parents, to buy them a house, and to make his family proud. Now when Zhehan thought about it, he knew their relationship would be a detriment to that dream. There were just too many risks, too many ways for it to all blow up in their faces and Gong Jun didn’t deserve that.
Maybe they could still be friends, Zhehan thought, feeling his eyes sting as he held onto Gong Jun tightly in the dark.
❈
"We should probably stop this, after today," Zhehan said, not able to meet Gong Jun's eyes as he said the words out loud.
This was for the best, Zhehan thought. It would hurt now, but it would be easier in the long run for both of them if what happened between them on the set remained on the set. A romantic relationship spilling over beyond the filming was just asking for trouble and complications, he knew it.
"What? Why would you— " Gong Jun began, his voice shaking. “You can’t be serious?”
“This was only ever going to last for a few months anyway,” Zhehan said, feeling physically sick as he said the words out loud. “I hope we can stay friends.”
“How—” Gong Jun’s voice wavered before he stopped himself and said, his voice suddenly cold and distant, "Fine. If that's what you think would be best."
Zhehan wanted to laugh and cry at that. What would be best would be waking up in Gong Jun's arms every day, his voice the first and last thing that Zhehan heard every morning and night, to never have to know the agony of being apart ever again. Zhehan didn’t even know how he was going to carry on without Gong Jun’s presence in his life after today; the thought of it made him want to curl up into a ball and die.
Instead of saying anything though, he just nodded. A selfish part of Zhehan was disappointed that Gong Jun hadn't protested harder. Maybe he was secretly relieved that Zhehan had broken them up first so he didn't have to be the one to do it. Maybe he didn’t feel as strongly as Zhehan had thought he did. Maybe he was just sad about the sex ending.
"I… guess I'll see you at our next interview in a few weeks, then," Gong Jun said. He was still wearing his costume, deep red robes that made him look magnificent and beautiful.
"We still have tonight," Zhehan found himself saying before he could stop.
Gong Jun frowned at him. "What?"
"Tonight's the last night of filming," Zhehan said, still not daring to look up. "We could, uh, still see each other this evening, one last time."
Gong Jun didn’t respond, and Zhehan glanced up, only to see a look of anguish painted over his face. As soon as their eyes met it was replaced quickly by a different expression, and Gong Jun stared at him with dark eyes. He darted forwards, crushing Zhehan against the wall so hard it almost knocked the wind out of him, his lips leaving urgent kisses that were tinged with bitter anger.