Work Text:
adora — catra
october 3rd 8:24 P.M.
adora [8:24]
hey
are you home
catra [8:31]
no i’m still out with scorpia but i’ll be home soon
adora [8:31]
oh cool. did you guys have fun
catra [8:31]
yeah it was nice. wanted to get out of there before the obnoxiously drunk people show up tho
adora [8:31]
lmao
catra [8:39]
…why?
adora [8:42]
idk
catra [8:42]
?
you okay?
adora [8:42]
yeah
i think
kind of
catra [8:42]
you want to come over?
i’ll be home in abt ten minutes
adora [8:43]
okay. i’ll be there
Half an hour later, there’s a quiet knock on the door of Catra’s small apartment.
She heads toward the door to open it despite the fact that she’s just gotten out of the shower and is only wearing a towel wrapped around herself. When she opens it, Adora is smiling almost bashfully. She’s dressed in a pair of shorts and a simple t-shirt.
“Hey, Adora,” Catra greets. Adora follows her inside, but doesn’t say anything. That’s the first sign that something is off; usually she’d say something like you always keep it so hot in your apartment or comment on how Catra probably just got out of the shower or ask where Melog is. Instead, she doesn’t do any of those things, so Catra continues to speak. “Give me a second to change, okay?”
Adora still doesn’t say anything. Catra flashes her a glance over her shoulder, and realizes that Adora is staring at her, eyes wide and blue. Her expression is unreadable.
“Adora?” Catra prompts.
Adora blinks, and then she shakes her head. “Um, sorry. Yeah, uh, yeah. Go change.”
Catra frowns, opens her mouth to say something else, but then decides against it. She retreats to her room and softly shuts the door behind her.
The sky opens up a few minutes later as evening slides into night. There’s no drizzle, no sort of buildup: one moment it’s just foggy out, and the next it’s storming, cold rain falling in sheets, thunder rumbling the small apartment complex. Catra simply puts on a pair of panties and an oversized hoodie that falls mid-thigh, and debates on putting on a pair of compression shorts before deciding against it.
Adora is waiting for her when she leaves her bedroom, sitting with her knees pulled to her chest on Catra’s old, beat up couch. Her chin rests just on the top of her knees, arms wrapped around her legs.
“Hey,” Catra greets her again, smiling wider this time as she heads over to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. “You want anything? Something to drink? A blanket?”
Adora simply shakes her head. Catra narrows her eyes, fills her glass with water, takes a sip. She sits on the couch facing Adora after downing half the glass.
“Okay,” she says, glad for the thrumming of the rain against the window to fill the silence. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”
Adora doesn’t say anything. She just keeps sitting there, gripping tightening around her legs.
“Adora,” Catra sighs. “Seriously, what happened? I can't help you if you don’t talk to me.” Still, no response. “Okay, look. Remember all that shit about opening up and vulnerability and stuff my therapist told me about? I know I’m not the best at it yet, but come on. It’s good for you. You should do it.” She leans forward to poke Adora’s bicep, ignoring the urge to gawk at the hard muscle she finds. “Come on. You’re being annoying, princess.”
Adora finally glances at her, and then she rolls her eyes. “You’re being a hypocrite.”
Catra raises a questioning brow, so Adora continues.
“You know.” She waves a hand. “Talking about vulnerability and stuff, and how I should do it. That’s hypocrisy.”
Catra scoffs teasingly. “Oh, come on. Last week when Sparkles ate my leftovers, I talked to her about it instead of immediately clocking her like I would’ve done a couple of months ago.”
Adora exhales through her nose, smiling. Catra grins, glad to see the kicked puppy look Adora’s been sporting for all of ten minutes finally disappear.
She leans forward and gives her a little nudge.
Adora sighs.
“Someone asked me out,” she finally says. “Like, on a date.”
Catra feels her heart drop almost immediately.
That’s… not what she was expecting. At all. And due to the fact that she had no time to prepare for the thought of Adora, her best friend, the girl she’s in love with, with someone else… she’s sort of at a loss for words.
Adora must take her lack of response as confusion, because she keeps talking. “Her name is Huntara.”
Catra swallows heavily. Her fingernails dig into the leather of the couch. She has a Huntara in her english class. If that’s who Adora is talking about, something about that makes Catra’s chest sink even more. Huntara is huge. She probably goes to the gym everyday. She has a lot of friends. She’s the exact opposite of Catra.
“Okay…” her voice comes out a bit wobbly, so she clears her throat before she tries to speak again. “Well, um, what’s the problem? Do you not like her?”
“No, I do,” and that sentence just makes Catra kind of feel like she wants to die, but it’s fine, everything is fine. “I mean— kind of. She’s attractive, and I wouldn’t mind going out on a date with her. That’s not the issue.”
“What’s the issue, then?”
Adora groans, straightening her legs and burying her face into her hands. Catra takes a deep breath and thinks you’re two months into college now. Of course she’s going to start seeing people. You have been seeing people.
Catra closes her eyes, shakes her head, and then refocuses on the situation at hand. She repeats, softer: “Adora? What is the issue?”
Adora sighs, peeking up at her. Catra does her best to smile encouragingly, but with her current state of mind, it probably comes out more like a grimace.
“I’ve never… really been on a date.”
Catra bursts out laughing. Then, when she realizes Adora is glaring at her, she stops. “Wait, you’re not joking.”
“Of course I’m not joking!” Adora snaps.
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Catra immediately holds her hands up. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed. I just— I didn’t think you were being serious.”
“Of course I’m serious! We’ve been best friends for thirteen years, Catra! Don’t you think I would’ve told you if I went on a date?”
Well, she has a point.
“You’re right,” Catra agrees. “I’m sorry.”
Now that Catra thinks about it, she’s… confused.
She’s been best friends with Adora since they were five. Sure, Adora had never really branched out in high school — Catra has had two girlfriends, both that were short term because they had always claimed she’d put Adora above their relationship, which, they weren’t exactly wrong — but she’s pretty sure Adora’s been on at least a few dates since they’ve started college.
…Unless she was just reading into it too much, and Adora was just hanging out with friends. Because she would have told her if she was going on a date, right?
She glances at Adora now; sees her staring down at her lap, arms crossed over her chest. Catra sighs, pushing herself closer.
“Hey,” she starts, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed. I just— I really thought you were joking, because…”
“Because what?” Adora asks, finally looking at her. “Why would I be joking about that.” She adds, flatly.
“Because…” Catra repeats, trailing off again. Because you— you look like that. Because you’re so lovely, you have a beautiful smile, you’re clumsy sometimes but it’s so endearing. She realizes that Adora is actually waiting on an answer, and so she kind of blurts out something that she probably shouldn’t. “Uh, because— like, look at you? You’re attractive as hell. I’m just surprised no one asked, or… I don’t know.”
“People have asked,” Adora tells her. “Doesn’t mean I said yes.”
“Wait, really?” Catra asks, sitting up. “How many people have asked you?”
“A lot,” Adora admits. “A few times now that we’ve gotten to college, and quite a few times in high school.”
“And you’ve never said yes?” Catra questions, surprised.
Adora shakes her head, and then shrugs. “Just… never really been attracted to too many other people, I guess.”
That’s— wow.
“Well, okay then,” Catra continues, ignoring the flare of jealousy she gets when she thinks of all the people who have asked Adora out in the past. “Okay, so… if you like this girl, then why are you freaking out about going on a date with her? I mean, it’s not like—”
“I’ve never kissed anyone before, okay?” Adora interrupts.
Catra halts in her words.
Now this one she knows isn’t true. “What— no, you kissed Lonnie when we were fifteen. We— we were at that party.” This she specifically remembers, because she remembers turning away when it happened.
“That was just for a stupid game,” Adora mutters, frowning. “That doesn’t— that doesn’t count. It wasn’t even really a kiss, it barely even lasted for a second, I’ve never really kissed anyone—”
“Okay,” Catra says. “Okay, Adora, calm down, it’s okay. Everyone goes at their own pace. Like, it’s not a big deal. It’s only common for people to lose their V-card before they’re eighteen in movies. I promise you it’s really not a big deal.”
“You’ve slept with other people.”
“Yeah. Not that many, though. And like I said, everyone goes at their own pace. You’re not even nineteen yet. It’s not a big deal.”
“I’m about to be nineteen,” Adora huffs stubbornly. Catra rolls her eyes.
“Princess, I’m about to be nineteen. You still have a few months.”
Adora peeks back over at her. They stare at each other for a moment, and then they’re both laughing, pushing each other’s shoulders and chests. Somehow, they end up sort of in a hug: arms wrapped around each other, Catra’s head resting against Adora’s collarbone even though they’re still sitting up.
“You’re so dumb,” Catra mumbles against her skin.
“I know,” Adora tells her, voice somewhere above her head. She stops speaking then, and the mood seems to shift back to what it was before. “I just...” her voice lowers. “I just don’t want to embarrass myself, you know? We’re going on a date on Saturday, and… she’s a junior, so she’s about two years older than us. She probably has way more experience than me. I just thought that, like, you know. If I had some more experience with kissing, maybe I wouldn’t embarrass myself as much when it actually happens.”
“It’s Wednesday,” Catra points out.
“I know.”
“You’re planning on going out and finding someone random to kiss just to have experience for a date with a girl you’re only kind of attracted to?”
“No, I just— ugh,” Adora groans, grip loosening slightly around Catra. “I just… it doesn’t matter that I’m only kind of attracted to her, I just don’t want to make a fool out of myself when the after part of the date comes and I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“The after part?” Catra leans up a bit to glance at Adora. “You want to lose your virginity in three days?”
“No!” Adora exclaims, horrified, and Catra sits up fully so she and Adora are only brushing skin. “I just want to kiss someone, okay? Just a kiss. I definitely don’t want to lose my virginity with some random person I barely know. I’d rather… you know. Save it for someone I actually care about, and who cares about me.”
“Okay,” Catra says, slowly. “And how are you planning on finding someone to kiss in the next three days? Not like you’d have a hard time finding someone who wants to kiss you, but you’re not the type of person to just go to the club to kiss someone and then leave. I don’t understand what your plan is.”
Adora stares at her for a long moment. Then she takes a breath, opens her mouth, and then she closes it.
“What?” Catra asks, curious.
Adora shakes her head.
Catra narrows her eyes, frustrated. “Adora, just tell me what you were going to say.”
“No,” Adora tells her. “No, it was stupid.”
“Adora,” she whines, “I don’t care if it was stupid or not, if it’s a solution, then let’s hear it.”
“It’s… it’s stupid…” Adora repeats, voice quiet and small. “But I just thought that… maybe someone with more experience could, like, teach me. How to kiss. But it’s stupid. I was joking.”
Catra stares at her, eyes wide.
“I wasn’t serious,” Adora quickly says. “I— I told you, it was stupid. I was joking.”
“Were you?” Catra asks carefully.
“I…” Adora trails off. “Yeah, I was.” She’s always been a horrible liar, even to people who barely know her. With Catra, she has never been able to lie.
“You’re lying,” Catra tells her flatly.
“Okay, so what if I am?” Adora challenges.
“Because if you are, then…” Catra trails off. Her heartbeat is starting to increase in speed.
“Then what?” Adora asks, eyes wide.
Catra shakes her head. She can’t be the one to suggest this. She just can’t. She’s in love with Adora. Like, head over heels, hasn’t been able to maintain any other relationship because she’s completely and absolutely in love with her. And Adora’s about to go on a date with this girl she likes, and— and they’ll probably fall in love and get married and Catra will be alone.
But it’s fine, it’s okay, because Catra can get over her. It’s not like they’ve ever kissed or anything, and it’s not like that’s going to happen now, because Catra isn’t going to suggest it. Adora won’t suggest it, either. There’s just no way she would. She doesn’t like Catra like that. She never has, and she never will.
Except—
“Would… would you be okay with that?” Adora asks carefully. “With— with showing me how to kiss?”
Catra’s lips part in surprise.
What the fuck. What the fuck.
There’s been many instances where she’s imagined kissing Adora. Many instances. One of them was after one of her soccer games, where she wins and instead of running to meet her team, she runs to Catra and kisses her right in front of everyone. Another was when they were making dinner together one night; Catra turned around and imagined leaning over to give Adora a simple kiss, just to see what it felt like.
She has admittedly never thought about kissing Adora to help her prepare for kissing someone else.
“If you aren’t, that’s totally okay. Like, seriously. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I never want to make you uncomfortable. You’re my best friend, and— I don’t want to ever lose you, okay? So— so like I said, this was stupid, let’s just— let’s just move on now—”
“I’m okay with it,” Catra whispers. “I’m okay with, uh, teaching you how to kiss. For, um, Huntara.”
“Oh,” Adora says. “You’re okay with it?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Wow. Um, Cool.”
“Cool…” Catra feels a bit dazed.
“Okay, um, would you mind if— if I showered?” Adora stands from the couch, fiddling nervously with her hands. “I walked here from my apartment and it was damp and foggy outside and I feel kind of gross now.”
“No, I wouldn’t mind. That’s fine.”
“Okay. We’re doing this tonight, right?”
“I mean, if you want to have it done before Saturday and we’re both here now, may as well. You’re sure about this?”
“Yeah, I am.” Adora’s brows are furrowed. “I don’t want to be, like, absolutely horrible at this. It’s okay if I’m not the best, but I don’t— I just can’t embarrass myself.”
“You won’t embarrass yourself, Adora. I’ll make sure of it,” she says, hoping the joke adds a bit of lightheartedness to the situation.
“Hopefully you’re a good teacher, then,” Adora chuckles. Catra smiles.
“Okay, go shower. I’ll bring you some clothes. I know you have plenty over here.”
“Okay. Um, thanks. I’ll be quick.”
“Better be,” Catra teases. Adora smiles, and then disappears behind the closed bathroom door. Catra takes a deep breath.
Okay, I can do this, she tells herself. It’s just a kiss. It’s just a kiss.
Twenty minutes later, they’re facing each other and sitting criss cross in the middle of Catra’s bed. Adora’s hair is damp, and there are some droplets of water near her head like she was hurrying to get out of the shower. Catra’s own hair is still slightly damp from her own shower. She’s still just wearing a hoodie and panties, and Adora is wearing a pair of Catra’s boxers and one of her own sports bras that was over here for some reason.
Catra… is sort of losing her mind. She doesn’t know what to think, doesn’t know how to start. This is insane. It’s actually insane, and—
Her eyes land on the open notebook and pen Adora brought with her, which, she had already noticed, but it seems that its just now setting in what Adora is planning on doing with it.
“Wait, hold on,” Catra says, and she has to cover her mouth to stifle herself from laughing. “Did you— did you grab one of my notebooks to take notes? You’re going to take notes on kissing?” Adora’s face is extremely red. “Adora—”
“Well, I just thought that maybe it would be easier to remember this way,” Adora defends herself. “You know how I am, Catra, of course I was going to take notes.”
“I know, I know,” Catra says over her chuckles, “I should’ve expected this. But Adora, you’re not going to need notes to remember how to kiss. Like, seriously. Once you learn you don’t forget. It’s like riding a bike.”
“It’s like… riding a bike?” Adora questions.
“Yep.”
“Did you just— there’s no way kissing is like riding a bike.”
“That’s not— oh my God, you know what I mean. It’s basic figurative language, Adora.”
“I failed English class my senior year.”
“You literally did not, you got an A!”
“How about we just get on with the lesson,” Adora suggests, but Catra can tell she’s trying very hard not to laugh. She shakes her head as if she’s getting serious, and then pulls her notebook into her lap.
“There is no way we’re doing this if you’re planning on taking notes,” Catra tells her firmly.
“But Catra—”
“Adora,” Catra interrupts, lifting a brow. Adora pouts, and then rolls her eyes and tosses Catra’s notebook onto the bedside table.
“Fine,” she mumbles like a petulant child.
“Thank you,” Catra says, closing the distance between them so their legs are only a few inches apart, “I’m sure that was very hard for you to do.”
“It was. Thank you for acknowledging that.”
Catra rolls her eyes, but smiles. It’s then that all of her fears, all of her panic inducing nerves and anxiety from before sort of just melt away; she’s still nervous of course, who wouldn’t be, but she doesn’t feel like she’ll actually have a meltdown at any given moment.
Because it’s Adora.
They can do this. She can do this without making it into something it’s not.
“Okay,” Catra says, settling down. Adora does the same, smile slowly falling from her face, gaze turning determined. “Kiss me.”
“Wait, w-what?”
“Kiss me,” Catra repeats. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“Yes,” Adora mumbles, “I just… didn’t think you’d be so forward about it, I guess.”
“What else do you want me to say? Oh please your highness, give me a smooch? Peck me right here on my luscious lips?”
“Catra,” Adora begs, burying her face into her hands. “Stop, oh my god—”
“Caress me softly—”
“ —Catra—”
“—canoodle me into the bed, and—”
Catra stops when Adora suddenly surges forward, pressing their lips smack together. It’s a bit too hard, and it pushes Catra’s lips into the front of her teeth. Still, she doesn’t expect it; when Adora pulls back, they’re both sort of surprised.
I just kissed Adora, Catra thinks, I just— wow, okay.
“Okay,” Catra whispers, resisting the urge to feel her lips, to feel what they feel like after Adora has kissed her. She clears her throat, and then tries her best to focus on the situation at hand instead of her thoughts that sound a bit like what the fuck I just kissed Adora oh my God oh fuck oh fuck. “Okay, um, that was a bit too hard. Try again, but, uh, softer.”
Adora nods, staring at Catra’s lips, but her shoulders are tense and her jaw is clenched. When she leans forward again, Catra stops her by placing a hand to her chest.
“Relax,” she tells her, voice soft. “It’s just me.”
Adora nods again, inhaling deeply through her nose. On the exhale she parts her beautiful lips, and Catra watches as some of the tension from before leaves her body.
“Softer this time,” she repeats, brows furrowed in determination, and— God, she looks so fucking cute, staring at Catra’s lips in her determination. It’s kind of dark in Catra’s room because she only has a lamp on, and the curtains are shut to block out the nighttime city lights. The lamplight gives a gentle glow to the right side of Adora’s face. She looks really lovely. “Okay, I’m ready.”
“Okay.”
This time when Adora leans in, Catra is prepared. She closes her eyes and waits, only to feel a gentle brush of Adora’s lips against her own. It isn’t really a kiss — just a soft touch of their lips. Still, it makes Catra’s heart skip a beat.
“That— that was better,” Catra says when Adora pulls away, eyes big. “Just, uh, that might’ve been too little of pressure? Like, I didn’t really feel it.”
Adora frowns, and this time, her brows knit together in distress rather than determination. Catra matches her expression, reaching out to squeeze her hand.
“Hey, Adora, you’re doing great,” she tries to reassure her. “It’s okay, really. I promise you I wasn’t good my first time kissing, and really, no one is. But the important thing is that you’re getting better. Just… maybe just try to use your lips to your advantage, okay? Like, your lips are really soft. They’re soft and warm and when you kiss someone they can get wet, and that’s why it feels good. It’s about opening up with someone, not pushing super hard, and not just barely touching them, either. It’s… somewhere in the middle, I guess.”
Adora nods along to everything Catra says. When she’s finished, Adora says, “okay. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to apologize for, princess. Want to try again?”
Adora nods again. “I— I think so, but…” Catra raises a brow. “Can you… could you kiss me this time? I just— I keep messing up, and I think it’ll be better if you show me how it’s supposed to be first, and…”
Catra sort of tunes out whatever it is that Adora continues to say.
Adora, her best friend, wants Catra to kiss her.
Oh my fuck what the hell what in the actual shit—
“Catra?” Adora asks, and she looks a bit out of breath. She was probably rambling or something. “I’m— I’m sorry, I just thought that—”
“I can kiss you,” Catra interrupts, “I’ll kiss you. Just, uh, give me a second.”
Adora immediately shuts up and nods, eyes still wide. Her cheeks are flushed again, and she’s biting nervously into her lips. Catra takes a deep breath and thinks about what she wants to do.
“Okay, just… yeah,” she murmurs, before slowly leaning forward. She brushes their noses together first: hears Adora’s breath hitch in the back of her throat. “Sometimes, the slowness is a good thing,” Catra whispers, right up against Adora’s lips, “you want her to want it, right? So— so being close like this, and waiting a second before you actually kiss her will make her anticipate it, which will make her really want it.”
Adora doesn’t say anything, just continues to stare at her with wide eyes, barely breathing. Catra closes her own eyes, nose skimming just barely against Adora’s cheek, and then fits their mouths together.
Oh, Catra thinks. Oh, wow.
Adora’s lips are soft, slightly chapped. They’re full and warm, like nothing Catra has ever felt before. Adora makes a low noise in the back of her throat; it comes up into Catra’s mouth. Catra almost makes a noise in response, but just barely manages to stifle it before she pulls away.
“Wow,” Adora whispers when she pulls away. Her eyes stay closed for many moments before they finally open, and Catra grins.
“Good?” she asks, only slightly shaky.
“That— yeah, that was really good,” Adora whispers. “I didn’t… I didn’t know you were good at that. I mean, like, I assumed you’d be good, but I didn’t think you’d be good.”
Catra laughs (half out of amusement and half out of nervousness), and then straightens up. “Okay. Your turn.”
“I… honestly feel like I can’t compete with that,” Adora murmurs.
“It’s okay,” Catra tells her. “You don’t have to. Just… do what feels right, okay? Whatever feels good. It’s just a conversation—we’re just exchanging words. You’ll do great.”
“Okay,” Adora nods, and Catra almost laughs because Adora looks like she’s concentrating a lot, which she usually only does when she’s focusing on schoolwork or on the soccer field. “Just a conversation,” she repeats, and then she leans in.
Anything that had been causing Catra to almost laugh immediately disappears.
When Adora’s mouth fixes against her own this time, it’s different. Adora kisses her gently, like she’s not sure if she’s really allowed to be doing this despite the fact that Catra actually told her to kiss her and that they’ve been going at this for all of ten minutes. Catra leans up ever so slightly — Adora is still taller than her, even when sitting down — to get a better angle, and pushes into it.
Then she pulls away suddenly, but before Catra can really register it, she hears Adora take a breath before she’s kissing her again.
Oh, Catra thinks, oh, oh—
Adora reaches forward to wrap a hand around her forearm, fingers not too tight but not exactly relaxed, either. It’s not a chaste kiss; this time it lasts longer, and this time Catra feels something softer and wetter against her lips and realizes it’s Adora’s tongue, just barely grazing her lips before she pulls away.
“How—how was that?” Adora asks, a bit out of breath.
Catra doesn’t even know what to say, because that: that was basically the perfect kiss.
Adora has it down now, she has to understand if she can kiss that well. Her cheeks are flushed, and her lips are slightly wet.
“Okay, uh, yeah,” Catra says, just as out of breath as Adora is. “That— that was good. That was good.”
“Can you tell me what to do better?” Adora immediately asks, and of course she still wants to make it better than it already is. It’s Adora.
“Just— uh, I guess all I can say is, maybe breathe through your nose next time?” Catra suggests. “You can breathe through your nose, so it lasts longer. Stretch it out a bit more, so you don’t have to stop the actual kissing if you don’t want to. But, uh, aside from that, it was good. It was really good.”
Adora’s eyes widen ever so slightly, and then her hands move from their previous place in her lap; they come up to touch her lips, and then they drop. “Yeah?” she asks, smiling ever so slightly.
“Yeah.”
Adora’s nods, and then her gaze flickers down. It’s subtle, but with the way her jaw tenses ever so slightly and her brows pinch together just barely, Catra can tell that Adora is trying to find the words to ask a question.
It’s subtle, but Catra knows her. She’s known her since they were five, and Adora was sticking up for her against the bully who said Catra looked like an alien because of her eyes. She knows how Adora sleeps like she’s always fighting or restless, except for when Catra sleeps half on top of her. She knows just how to make Adora’s protein shakes in the mornings, despite the fact that the way she likes it is complicated for no reason. She knows what to do when Adora gets caught up in her own head, and how physical touch is the quickest way to calm her down when she’s anxious.
She knows, she knows, she knows.
She knows that Adora is anxious now, and she knows that typically in this sort of situation Catra would reach out and interlace their fingers together, giving them a bit of a squeeze. She refrains from doing that, because it feels like it would be too much after everything that just happened.
Don’t mess this up, she repeatedly tells herself, because it doesn’t matter that Adora is going on a date in a few days. At this point she’ll take what she can get, even if it’ll hurt her later.
(And God, will it hurt.)
“Can we, uh, do it one more time?” Adora finally asks, big blue eyes wide and round. “Just… just so I can make sure I’m doing it right. I want to be sure.”
“Okay,” Catra repeats. “One more time.”
Adora inhales sharply as if she didn’t expect Catra to agree. Her eyes narrow, and she bites her lip for a moment before releasing the soft, pink flesh. Then she puts her palms flat on the bed and pushes herself slightly closer to Catra so that their bare knees are brushing.
“Okay,” Adora says firmly. “I’m gonna kiss you again.”
“Okay.”
It’s just a kiss, Catra reminds herself when Adora leans closer to her. Don’t mess this up. It’s just a kiss.
But then Adora’s hands are moving. They’re moving toward Catra, fingers curling into the hem of her hoodie. Catra’s heartbeat is quickening now, and she hasn’t even been kissed yet.
It’s just a kiss, Catra tells herself again. It’s just a kiss, it’s just a kiss, it’s just—
But then Adora’s mouth is on hers again, gentle but firm. For a moment, neither one of them move, and Catra feels Adora exhale gently through her nose. Catra herself feels like she hasn’t taken a single breath in five minutes.
And then Adora sucks Catra’s bottom lip into her mouth, and oh—
Catra almost opens her eyes, surprised by Adora’s boldness. She doesn’t, though; she regains her bearings soon enough and pushes back into Adora’s mouth, letting it fall open. Her tongue grazes Adora’s lips and then, after a moment, she slips it into Adora’s mouth.
Adora tastes like spearmint toothpaste; the kind that burns your mouth after you’ve taken a long sip of cool water. Her fingers tighten in Catra’s hoodie, and Catra moves her own hand to grip first at Adora’s forearm, and then her wrist, and then to the hand in her clothes. Not because she wants her to stop, but because she wants to have some other form of contact that isn’t just them and their lips and their tongues and their teeth.
“Oh,” Adora whispers when they part for air, before going back at it again. “Is this good?”
“You’re doing good, Adora,” Catra says in between hot, open-mouthed kisses. “You’re doing so good.”
Adora doesn’t respond, but she seems to gain more confidence after that because she surges forward, pressing harder against Catra to the point where she nearly falls backward from the force of it. It causes Catra to press back harder into her, to kiss her harder, to kiss her more. Something in the back of her mind is telling her to pull away, that she needs to pull away, because this has been going on for a while now and it’s quite obvious Adora knows what she’s doing—
But when Catra hesitates, Adora’s grip tightens on her hoodie. She pulls Catra tighter, causes Catra’s grip on her hand to tighten, her other hand flying to brace herself on Adora’s shoulder. She knows she has the power to just pull Adora’s hand away from her, knows she has the power to end this if she really wants it to end, but the thing is she really, really doesn’t.
She doesn’t, because now Adora’s hands are in her hair, and they’re still kissing, and it feels so, so good. It’s messy and it’s sloppy and it’s more of them just sort of panting into each other's mouths at this point, but Catra can’t stop. She can’t stop herself from kissing Adora’s pretty mouth, from seeing her pretty pink lips and thinking oh oh oh when they pull away for a second just to meet each other again.
“Just— just wanna be sure,” Adora tells her shakily, “I just wanna be good—”
“You’re so good, ‘Dor,” Catra assures her, “you’re so—” Catra shudders when Adora’s fingernails suddenly scratch her scalp in the way Adora knows she likes. Adora kisses her again when Catra takes a breath, lips landing halfway on her teeth, so Catra says, “you can slow down, you— we don’t have to go that fast, we can draw it out.”
Adora listens, and something changes. The frantic, messy kisses change into something softer, something more gentle and sweet in comparison to before. Catra trembles ever so slightly in Adora’s hold, one arm still on her shoulder and the other moving to her bicep. She opens her eyes to see Adora’s eyelashes, long and dark against her cheek, before closing them again when she hears the tiny noise Adora lets out when Catra gently bites down on her bottom lip.
Their breathes mingle, and their lips are making wet noises with every kiss. Catra pulls away for a split second before she reattaches her lips to Adora’s jaw, slowly kissing down the column of her throat. Adora’s breathing picks up, and Catra feels herself tugged forward, pulled into Adora’s lap. Her knees fall on either side of Adora’s thighs, arms coming to wrap around her neck. She has absolutely no objections to this.
You’re going to get hurt, she tells herself, sucking a red mark against Adora’s collarbone. You’re already hurt. You’re going to hurt so much more. And Catra knows this. She knows she’s being used as an experiment, or a fuck buddy, or whatever the hell this has turned into at this point, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t stop.
“Catra,” Adora says breathily, and she sounds sort of desperate. Catra doesn’t think she’s ever heard anything as beautiful as Adora saying her name like that. “Cat,” she says again, and then Adora pulls one of the hands that had gone to Catra’s waist to her face, guiding her up so they can kiss again. Catra makes a tiny noise into Adora’s mouth in response, and then they’re kissing again, hard, so hard that Adora must lose her balance because they fall backward unexpectedly, teeth clicking together and foreheads nearly hitting. Catra opens her eyes, which apparently turns out to be the biggest fucking mistake of all time: she sees Adora, flushed and red, hair splayed out on the pillow, all beneath her. Catra is sitting with a knee on either side of Adora’s waist, forearms on either side of her head. Adora looks breathtaking.
“Sorry,” she pants, shy, and Catra simply shakes her head and then leans down to kiss her again.
Don’t apologize, she hopes it says, don’t ever apologize for this. Adora’s hands come up to cover one of her own, bringing it to rest on her bare abdomen. Catra isn’t really sure what Adora wants her to do with that hand because her own hands go back up to find Catra’s waist, bracing her.
Of course she’s like this. Of course she’s a perfect mix of sweet and shy, pushy and assertive. Of course she is.
So Catra lets her hand rest there for a moment, too enraptured with the way Adora is kissing her even harder before she moves. She flexes her fingers so that her nails dig into her skin ever so slightly, and then moves her hand so that she’s stroking her ribs, fascinated by the way the muscles tense underneath her when she does so. She moves her hand so that her fingertips touch the hem of Adora’s sports bra, and then up to her shoulders, grazing her neck, and then back down to her ribcage.
“Catra,” Adora breathes, pulling away, and Catra opens her eyes. Adora looks absolutely wrecked, and there love bites on her neck trailing down to her collarbone. Catra feels herself beginning to spiral almost instantly; she thinks what the hell am I doing? before Adora continues. “Catra, I— I feel like you’re kissing me in other places, and touching me, and I— I don’t even know how to or where to— where to start—”
“Neck,” Catra interrupts before Adora can start rambling. She sounds desperate for air as they both catch their breaths even to her own ears. “Neck, jawline, uh, ears sometimes?”
“Is… is that where you liked to be kissed?” Adora hesitantly asks. Catra swallows hard.
“Didn’t you?”
“Yeah,” Adora murmurs. “I liked it.”
“Yeah, well, it’s kind of… kind of a universal thing, I think, so… Huntara…” Catra squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, before adding, “she might like it.”
For a moment Adora looks confused, and then she blinks. “Right. Um, Huntara. Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah,” Adora repeats, and then shakes her head. “Okay, can I— uh, can I try it?”
“Try what?”
“Kissing you,” Adora clarifies, “in other places. If— if I figure out what you like, then maybe it’ll be easier to, um, figure out what… she likes.”
Oh. “Oh,” Catra says sort of dumbly, and then because she’s a fucking idiot, a stupid motherfucker with a want to die, she says, “yeah, sure.”
“Okay,” Adora says, “can we—?” and then she’s gently nudging Catra to get her to roll over. Catra feels like her heart is going to explode when it starts picking up in speed again, feels like she herself will explode when she rolls off of Adora and onto her back and Adora follows in suit.
Adora’s left hand is still on her face, thumb gently caressing against her cheekbone like— like Catra is something precious, something important, and like they aren’t just doing this as a fucking lesson or something. Catra squeezes her eyes shut, breathing out through her nose, so when Adora puts her mouth on her neck, it almost catches her by surprise.
Adora kisses her neck: small, slow pecks that eventually develop into quick fluttering kisses, into gentle nibbles, into — fuck — open-mouthed sucking. It’s wet and slow, like Adora is trying to savor this, like she is remembering what Catra said earlier about taking her time. Catra doesn’t even realize she’s making any noise until Adora pulls back, eyes wide, and Catra realizes she’s been letting out little whimpers at each pull of her skin into Adora’s mouth.
“Sorry,” Catra whispers, afraid she’s fucked everything up for a moment. “Sorry, that’s just— ‘s good, that’s how I like it, I’m sorry, I can— ah—”
Adora’s lips are back on her neck immediately and she sucks hard. Catra can’t help the moan that escapes her mouth, or the way her hips jump up and she ends up grinding against Adora’s abdomen. Adora meets her with a soft groan of her own, and then she’s moving lower, kisses trailing from Catra’s throat to her collarbone when she hooks her finger into the neck lining of Catra’s hoodie and tugs it to the side to give herself more access to Catra’s skin. Her other hand trails down Catra’s body until she reaches the lining of her panties, to which she just moves to wrap her hand around the back of one of Catra’s thighs.
“Do—” Adora kisses right on her collarbone, “do you like it when,” the area right above the swell of her breast, fuck, “when my hand is here?” She squeezes Catra’s thigh, moving to hover her lips over Catra’s, foreheads pressed together.
“Yeah,” Catra whispers as they just lay there for a moment, breaths mingling together. “Yeah, that’s— that feels good.”
Adora lays there for a few more moments before she presses another quick kiss to her lips. Then she’s moving down again, kissing all over her chest, the area just above her breasts. She keeps a warm hand on her thigh and the other still pulling at her hoodie to give herself more room to move, and when she sucks a bruise so close to her breasts she may as well just kiss them, Catra’s hips give another jump. She arches underneath Adora, whines Adora, and then pulls her knees up and spreads her legs just a slight bit more so Adora can fit more comfortably between them.
“You can— you can add teeth, sometimes it’s— it’s good when you add teeth,” Catra tries her best to say when Adora finds the junction where her neck meets her shoulder. Adora follows her directions and bites down, and— and she’s definitely smiling. Catra can feel it, can feel Adora’s bright and beautiful smile against her skin. “Oh, fuck you,” she blurts out, because of course Adora is getting cocky now as she bites what will probably end up being a bruise on her skin. “Fuck you, you fucking smug asshole, fuck—” and then she’s dragging Adora into another wide open kiss, heavy and desperate for another taste of her.
She loses herself, then. She stops thinking, really. Stops thinking about how this was just supposed to be a simple lesson in kissing (although, nothing really is simple when it comes to Adora), stops thinking about the date she’s supposed to go on in a few days, stops thinking about how much this is going to hurt soon, and just loses herself in Adora.
Adora moans into the kiss. One, or maybe both, of them is trembling, but they keep going.
“Catra, this is so— you’re so…”
“What, I’m so what,” Catra asks, breathless, in between the hot and absolutely graceless kisses. Adora doesn’t respond, just kisses her over and over.
She wants more. She wants her hoodie off, wants Adora’s bra and boxers off, wants them naked and all tangled in each other. She wants Adora’s fingers inside of her, wants her fingers inside of Adora, wants to make her feel good, wants to make her come. She wants them to be wrapped up in each other, falling apart in the other’s arms.
She wants, she wants, she wants.
She—
“Fuck,” she whimpers when Adora unexpectedly repositions herself, pushing her thigh down between Catra’s legs. Adora pulls back again, looking stunned, and Catra’s cheeks flame in embarrassment. “Shit, I’m sorry—”
Adora rocks experimentally back down into her again, and Catra gasps, squeezing her eyes shut.
Adora slows.
“Is this okay?” she asks, her eyes carefully searching for something in Catra’s when she opens them.
Catra swallows.
“Yes.”
Adora brings her hips back down again, and then again, slowly with a sense of purpose each and every time. Catra can’t help the little noises that spill from her lips each time. When she comes back down for the fifth time, Catra lifts her own thigh ever so slightly so she’s pressing in between Adora’s legs, and Adora moans, head dropping to her shoulder.
“Catra,” she whispers her name like some sort of calling, and Catra stares up at the ceiling, feeling like there’s a direct line of heat from her throat to her belly. The space between her legs is aching desperately.
“Adora,” Catra whispers, “we—” and then they start a slow, hard grind against each other. Catra runs her hands down Adora’s sides, over her ass and down to meet the back of thighs, digging her nails into the skin there. Adora moans again, low and needy.
“What— what d’you want,” Catra breathes, but it barely comes out like a question because the tempo of their grinding is starting to pick up in speed and she’s losing whatever small piece of sanity she had left after she agreed to this whole thing. “What— what are we doing, ‘Dor, tell me what you want—”
“Catra, I want— I wanna—” she tries before cutting herself off, desperately grinding against Catra’s thigh, helping Catra to meet her in every movement.
“Adora, please, I need you to tell me what you want—”
“I want it, I want this, Catra, I do, so please—”
Catra chances a look at Adora again, and oh God, her face is so flushed and her red lips are swollen and wet and wide open, eyes almost black from how aroused she is. She looks absolutely fucked out, looks like they’ve been fucking for hours on end. Catra closes her eyes, nodding, and a moment later registers that something is wet against her bare thigh, realizes that Adora is so wet that she can feel her through her boxers, what the fuck—
“Adora,” she says in disbelief, and the hand Adora had on Catra’s thigh moves to her waist, where her hoodie has bunched up to just below her breasts due to all the movement. Her palm is large and warm against Catra’s skin. “Adora, baby, holy shit.”
“Like it when you do that,” Adora babbles, exhaling and inhaling in rapid breaths, “like it when you call me that, when— when you call me baby, or princess, call me it again, please—”
“Baby,” Catra gasps, fucking her hips upward as she very quickly tumbles toward the edge; she’s reaching the space that you enter right before you come, when you’re so close you don’t give a shit what you do or what you say as long as you push yourself over. “You feel so good princess, you’re so hot, so perfect.”
“Fuck,” Adora curses, and then whimpers, “I think— I think ‘m close,” and she almost sounds afraid, voice small. “Catra, ‘m gonna come—”
“It’s okay,” Catra desperately tries to reassure her, because she’s so fucking close too. “It’s okay princess, ‘m close, I’m close too,” she slurs, wrapping her arms around Adora’s shoulders when Adora presses her face into the crook Catra’s neck. “I’ve got you baby, I’ve got you—”
Adora lets out a single high pitched moan, and then she’s panting against Catra’s skin, body shuddering. Catra closes her eyes, thinks, oh my fucking God, and comes. She moans loudly into the heat of the room, hips bucking upward, grinding up in small, short movements.
There’s no rhythm between them now, just them desperately trying to ride out the aftershocks together, desperately trying to hold on to each other, desperately trying to chase after the pleasure. Catra babbles stuff like good, that was so good Adora, you did so good baby, did so so good, but she doesn’t know if she’s even making sense or being coherent.
And Adora just keeps moaning and whimpering through it, hips working in only a few more desperate thrusts before she collapses, half on top of Catra and half on the bed. Her limbs are sweaty and heavy, but Catra doesn’t give a single flying fuck. She just lays there beneath her, staring up at the ceiling, dazed, lips parted, sucking in huge gulps of air.
Adora just came in her boxers. They both just came in their clothes. They just rubbed themselves off on each other, and Catra treated it like that was the best orgasm of her life as if it wasn’t just grinding against each other, as if she hasn’t been fucked harder before. They just came against each other, untouched.
What the fuck did I just do?
Catra doesn’t move.
The rapid rise and fall of her chest is slowly coming to an end as her breaths begin to regulate. Adora still has small twitches against her, but her breaths are quieting down too, the tension and the fire in their veins settling between them.
Thunder rumbles in the distance.
Neither one of them says a single word for at least a minute, but then—
“Oh my God,” Adora mutters, and it’s different to what it was before. This isn’t the breathless oh my God she said while they were kissing, or the amused oh my God she said when Catra was making fun of her. This is oh my God in a what the fuck just happened sort of way.
“Oh my God,” Adora repeats, and she rolls off of Catra before she quickly stands up, nearly stumbling over in the process. Catra watches this all happen with wide eyes, unmoving, breaths quickening once again but not because of the same reason as before. “Oh my God,” she says again as she pulls on the shorts she wore over here, and then again when she pulls on the t-shirt that hugs her arms because of how defined they are.
“Adora—” Catra finally tries, sitting up, voice shaking. “Adora, I—”
“Don’t,” Adora cuts her off, quickly gathering her things off of Catra’s bedside table. Catra’s jaw snaps shut. “Don’t say anything. I just— oh my God. I’m gonna leave. I need to leave.”
She still isn’t looking at her. She isn’t going to look at her. Catra opens her mouth to say something else, maybe say something like stay, please, but nothing comes out. She just watches, helplessly, as Adora grabs her things and rushes out of her room without another word. The sound of the door to her apartment opening and closing soon follow, and then Catra is left with nothing but the soft patters of the rain on her window to accompany her.
For three days, there is absolutely zero contact between them. Seeing that they usually talk everyday — whether it be messaging, facetime, in person, or voice call — this is extremely unnatural.
Catra’s doing a horrible job at pretending everything is okay.
The night Adora leaves her alone, sitting in the dark with tears gathering in her eyes, she curls up on her bed and pulls her knees to her chest and doesn’t even bother going to turn off any of the lights that are still on or changing out her hoodie for a sleep shirt. She just lays there, staring at the wall, and thinks I messed up. I really, really messed up, even when Melog hops on the bed and curls up next to her.
On the first day, the morning after, Catra’s alarm for her nine a.m. class goes off at eight. She presses snooze on her phone, and then rolls over to stare at her window, trying to think about whether or not it would be better to skip class and lie in bed all day and go to class to try to distract herself.
She doesn’t get up.
Later in the day, when she’s making herself a cup of ramen in the microwave because her stomach has been protesting the lack of food all day, her phone buzzes. Her heart drops — she hopes in equal amounts that it is and isn’t Adora — before she peers over to look at it.
[INCOMING CALL — Sparkles]
Glimmer. One of the good friends Adora has made in their time here at Uni — the friend Catra hated at first but has since started to develop a liking for.
She freezes. Glimmer has only called her once since she got her number, so there’s a good chance this must be about…
Catra stares at her phone.
She lets it go to voicemail.
On the second day, she has three classes, and the first one is at eleven thirty. She actually gets up for this one, and moves through the day in a bit of a haze, trying her best not to think about anything at all. She declines Scorpia and Entrapta’s suggestion to get dinner for super pal trio bonding time, and nearly slips on a hoodie she stole from a fifteen-year-old Adora before deciding she’d be better off not wearing that.
On the third day, the day Adora is supposed to be going on a date with that girl, Catra wakes up to four messages from Scorpia ranging from asking to saying she knows something is up with Catra, and how she’s here if Catra ever wants to talk. She goes to work at the smoothie shop she works at on-campus, and in her process of heading off campus after her shift is over, she sees her.
Adora is dressed in full workout gear, earbuds in her ears and drinking from a plastic bottle of water. Catra stares at her, unmoving in the middle of a walk way like a fucking idiot, and doesn’t move until Adora notices her.
When she does, she slows her pace until she comes to a complete halt, more than twenty feet away from Catra. Catra swallows heavily, pulling the bag hanging off her shoulder tighter against herself.
You’re beautiful, she wants to say.
She doesn’t say anything.
Adora stares at her for several seconds before she eventually seems to force herself to break their gaze. She turns around, heading in the direction she was heading before, and keeps walking.
Catra watches her leave.
When she gets home later, she pulls out her phone and clicks on the contact of the only person she thinks she’d be able to handle talking to right now.
catra — perfuma
october 6th 3:08 P.M.
catra [3:08]
i need vodka and i need to not drink it alone
perfuma [3:15]
where are you?
catra [3:15]
just got home
perfuma [3:15]
i’ll meet you there
“It’s fine,” she says over an hour and multiple shots later, face half-buried into a pillow on the floor, “It’s fine. Like, it really sucks, but it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay.”
“It’s okay,” Catra continues. “It’s no big deal.”
“Uh-huh,” Perfuma says, laying on the couch a few feet away from her, “that’s why we’re drunk at four-thirty on a Saturday.”
“Her date is today,” Catra suddenly mutters, not sure if it’s the alcohol or if she’s just tired of keeping her feelings for Adora to herself. It doesn’t even matter at this point; Adora probably already knows, and now she’s clearly never speaking to her again. “She has a date today. That’s why we— fuck, it never meant anything to her. I’m just… I’m just reading too much into it. It’s fine.”
Perfuma sits up, brows lifted. “Wait,” she suddenly mumbles, “are you talking ‘bout who I think you are?”
“Adora?” Catra laughs bitterly as she answers Perfuma’s question. Perfuma mumbles a quiet oh no, so Catra continues. “Yeah, I’m talking about her. She has a date today, that’s why we… and now I just feel like I’m dying because I may have just ruined things with my best friend, and it’s my own damn fault.”
When she finishes, she reaches for the bottle Perfuma brought and decides pouring more vodka into a glass will just be inconvenient so she takes a swig straight from the bottle itself. Perfuma is silent for several seconds; she’s sitting up now, and she’s wearing sweatpants and a spongebob t-shirt Catra’s pretty sure Scorpia got for her.
“Did something happen? Between you and Adora?” Perfuma eventually tries, hesitant. Catra just lays there on the floor, still mostly facing away from Perfuma, for several seconds. When she finally moves, it’s to reach for the blanket on the couch and pull it down to wrap around herself.
“Yeah,” she mutteres, and pulls the blankets over her face so she’ll be covered just in case she bursts into tears.
She’s so stupid.
She spends approximately eighteen seconds just sitting there, trying to calm herself from actually crying in front of Perfuma because the only friend she’s ever cried in front of is Adora and she doesn’t feel like elongating that list today. When she actually does peer over the blanket, Perfuma is watching her with a concerned look.
Catra takes a deep breath, and then tells her everything. And not just everything from three nights ago— everything, as in how she’s been in love with Adora for years before this and how she’s never said anything because she’s sure Adora doesn’t feel the same way and how she’d do anything to have her in her life, even if it isn’t how she wishes they were. How Adora came over and talked to her about the date, and the suggestion and decisions that followed.
When she finishes, she’s sniffling a bit, and she knows she’s a bit drunk because her eyes get blurry and she has to wipe her face so tears don’t fall. This is how she knows she’s not in the complete right state of mind because she’s only ever cried in front of Adora before, when they were young and she hadn’t really had the ability of hiding and holding in her emotions. Sure, her therapist has finally gotten her to lose that mentality, but that doesn’t mean Catra still doesn’t know how to do it.
“Well,” Perfuma finally starts, a few minutes after Catra has just rambled and absolutely dumped everything she’s been feeling for the past six or so years out into the open, “I already knew you were in love with her. Like, I think all of your friends know that. And considering I just met you both a couple of months ago, I’d say it’s pretty obvious.”
“Wait,” Catra pauses when it seems to set in what Perfuma is saying, “what? I’m not obvious! How did you know?”
“Oh, sweetie,” Perfuma reaches down from where she’s sitting on the couch to pat Catra’s head, and Catra curls her lip up and quickly pushes her hand away. “It’s not that hard to tell.”
“I—”
“And really, I think you’re worried for nothing,” Perfuma continues. “If my hunch that you’re in love with Adora is correct, then I’m sure my hunch that she’s in love with you too is also correct.”
What?
“What?” Catra blurts out, quickly moving to stand up. She wobbles for a moment, and Perfuma reaches out to balance her, but then she’s pacing in front of the couch, blanket still wrapped around herself. “No, no. There’s no way. There’s just…”
“Catra—”
“No!” Catra interrupts, “you— you weren’t there. She couldn’t even—” look at me. Touch me. Talk to me. “She just left, and I wanted— I wanted to ask her to stay but I knew she wouldn’t. I saw her a couple of hours ago and she saw me but she left again because I kissed her that night and I took advantage of her and now she probably hates me and never wants to talk to me again and I honestly can’t even blame her!”
When she’s done, she realizes there are tear tracks streaming down her face, and Perfuma is watching her with a sympathetic expression. Catra doesn’t even bother wiping her tears away, but she can’t find it in her to meet Perfuma’s eyes either.
“Catra,” Perfuma starts again, and then she scoots over a bit on the couch. For some reason Catra slowly shuffles over and then hesitantly sits down. “From everything you told me, you didn’t take advantage of her. It wasn’t you who initiated it, and it wasn’t you who kept trying to keep it going. You said you even asked her if she wanted it, right? And she said she did. It wasn’t your fault.”
Catra sniffles again, pulling the blanket up more so it covers more of her face as she leans back into the couch. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m the more experienced one. I should have stopped it, but I just got caught up in it all.”
“It sounds like there could’ve been better communication going on, sure, but it isn’t your fault Catra, okay? I know I’ve only known you for a couple of months, but I know you wouldn’t ever pressure her into doing something and you especially wouldn’t take advantage of someone. It seems like she wanted it just as much as you did.”
“She— she won’t even talk to me, Perfuma,” Catra repeats weakly.
“Maybe she’s just embarrassed,” Perfuma supplies. “Or… since she’s the one who initiated it, maybe she thinks she took advantage of you. There’s really no way to know what she’s thinking unless you guys can talk to each other and communicate how you’re feeling.”
“Maybe…” Catra brings her hands up to her mouth and chews on a fingernail.
“Trust me. She’s probably just freaking out over this like you are. You know Adora. She overthinks everything.”
“I know,” Catra whispers, hands dropping to her sides. “Of course I know.” Then, both of them go quiet.
Scorpia shows up a few hours later when she’s done doing whatever it was that had her busy, and the three of them put on reality shows and watch multiple episodes because it’s hilarious to make fun of what’s happening.
It’s a good distraction, for a while. Around seven p.m. Catra starts to sober up (after being forced to drink a lot of water and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich), and she’s scrolling through her phone for something cheap to order them all to eat when it occurs to her that Adora’s date is today, and she’s probably already on it or getting ready to go on it right now.
Then she bursts into tears all over again. Perfuma and Scorpia do their best to console her, and that’s pretty much how it goes for the rest of the night.
Hours later, Catra wakes up to the sound of a soft knock on her door.
She blearily opens her eyes and glances over at the TV, unsure if the sound has just come from the show that’s playing or real life. She had been leaning on Scorpia’s shoulder, and when she glances over at Perfuma, she realizes that they’re both asleep, cuddled up next to each other. She briefly wonders how much longer it’ll take one of them to just ask the other out, before she hears the knock again and it pulls her from her thoughts.
Catra frowns, and then reaches for her phone. It’s ten-fifteen, which is surprising, because Catra had figured it had been later because they fell asleep at least an hour ago. She figures the lack of sleep and the fact that she’s been crying a lot today has finally caught up to her, before she finally stands up to walk toward the door.
When she opens it, she finds Adora, standing outside with wide blue eyes and a sad look on her face.
“Adora?” Catra blurts out in confusion, “what— what are you doing here? What happened to your date?”
Adora swallows, and then motions to the apartment. “Can I— uh, can I come in?”
Catra frowns. “Perfuma and Scorpia are here. They’re asleep on the couch.”
“Oh,” Adora murmurs, and stays where she is.
“Did you want to talk?”
“Yeah. If… if that’s okay.”
“It’s okay,” Catra tells her. “We can go on a walk, or something, if you’d like.”
“Okay,” Adora smiles ever so slightly, “that would be nice.”
“Okay,” Catra repeats, and then whispers, “let me just grab a jacket,” because it’s slightly chilly out now that it’s early October. She scurries to her room to throw on one of her zip up jackets over her t-shirt (pointingly avoiding the hoodie she wore a few nights ago) and trades out her cotton shorts for a pair of baggy jeans. She makes sure to text the group chat with Scorpia and Perfuma that she went out for a walk in case they wake up while she’s gone, and then she quickly heads back to the front and closes the door behind her when she leaves.
Outside, the air is only slightly chilly. The city night smells of autumn leaves and fresh pine, and Catra waits for Adora to walk before she follows her down the steps. They walk for minutes without either of them saying anything along the sidewalk and in the opposite direction of the university. Because it’s late, it’s not as busy as it usually is in the mornings or in the afternoons and evenings. Catra only frequents this particular area with Adora, because there’s a little coffee shop down the street that she absolutely loves going to even though she doesn’t like coffee and she only ever gets tea or the kids milkshake they offer.
(Catra knows so much about her.)
(It makes her feel like she can’t breathe whenever she thinks about it now.)
They make it to an emptier part of the streets, where there’s a small park centered in the middle of a particular area surrounded by tall buildings like hotels and fancy restaurants and one end of a mall. Catra can’t stop thinking about why they’re here, what Adora wants to tell her. They still haven’t talked. Catra really, really hopes that all the crying she did earlier means she got it out of her system because she thinks she’ll actually die if she starts crying in public.
They sit on an empty park bench, shaded and a bit hidden from the rest of the park where there’s a play area and lights shining the walkway. Being that it’s closer to eleven, the park is near empty except for another couple walking along a pathway much further down from them.
Adora still hasn’t said anything. She’s just sitting there, staring at something in front of her with furrowed brows. Catra thinks she might run away in the next fifteen seconds if Adora still doesn’t say anything.
Twelve seconds pass.
“Um,” Catra starts at the same time Adora pulls her phone out and says “I wanted—”
They both freeze and finally look at each other. Adora motions for Catra to speak.
“I just—” Catra suddenly feels paralyzed. She doesn’t think she’ll be able to take it if Adora says something like I wanted to explain why I’ve been ignoring you and how you’re a horrible person and I never want to see you again. “I didn’t know if you were going to say anything. But, um, now that I know you are…”
Adora clears her throat, and then gives a small nod. After a moment, she scoots closer to Catra on the bench, and motions to her phone.
“I wanted to show you something before we talk,” she whispers. Then she turns on her phone, clicks on her messages, goes over to the contact labeled as Huntara, and scrolls up a bit before she hands her phone over to Catra.
“What…” Catra starts, confused. She takes Adora’s phone in her hand, but she looks at Adora’s face. “Why—?”
“Just… I think it’ll be easier to explain if you read the conversation first,” Adora clarifies. “So…”
Catra stares at her for a few more moments, but then she glances at her phone and reads where Adora told her to.
Hey, the first message, from Huntara, around twelve this afternoon starts. I think we should talk.
Okay is all Adora replies.
I don’t think it’d be a good idea for us to go on that date, Huntara messages. I think you’re attractive, don’t get me wrong, and I’m sure you're a cool person. It’s just that I just got out of a serious relationship and I realized I was sort of using you as a rebound. I don’t think that’s fair to you, so
Oh, Adora messages.
Yeah. Sorry.
No, it’s okay. There’s a gap in between the messages, and then Adora continues. I’m glad you told me. I wouldn’t want that to be the only reason you wanted to go on a date with me. And it kind of works out for the better anyway. I wasn’t really feeling this date either.
Okay. That’s cool, then. See you in class
See you in class, is the last message, from Adora. That’s it. That’s the entire conversation.
Catra has no idea how to feel about this, and she especially has no idea why Adora is showing it to her. When she looks up, she sees Adora watching her nervously, like she isn’t sure what to expect. Catra furrows her brows.
“I…” Catra starts, still confused and sort of glad Adora didn’t go on the date but then immediately feeling ashamed when she thinks that because she wants Adora to be happy. “I’m… I’m sorry she did that.”
Adora keeps watching her, fingernails slightly digging into the adidas joggers she’s wearing before she eventually takes a breath and reaches for her phone.
“I’m not,” she whispers.
“Oh. Okay,” says Catra, and then, “wait, what?”
“I’m not sorry she did that,” Adora adds, louder this time. “I’m not.”
“I thought— but I thought you wanted to go on that date with her. Isn’t that why we…” she trails off weakly.
Adora takes a deep breath. It’s then that Catra notices the way her eyes are glassy, the way the streetlamp behind the bench and slightly above their heads casting a warm glow on Adora’s face, highlighting her cheekbones and eyelashes.
“It’s not,” Adora starts, lifting her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around her knees. “That’s not why I wanted to do it. I think I convinced myself that it was, but I know now that it’s not.”
Catra has never been more confused. “What are you—”
“Please don’t talk for a second,” Adora interrupts, “please just let me say this, and then you can talk, okay? Because if any more time passes I might start thinking more about it and then I might not say it and I really need to say it.”
Catra nods, both confusion and dread hanging low in her chest. Adora has her chin resting on her knees, staring down at the ground in front of her. Her eyes are wide.
“I haven’t, um, exactly been honest with either of us. Like, I haven’t been honest with you, but I don’t think I’ve been honest with myself either. Huntara sending those messages about using me as a rebound—it made me realize that, in a way, I was using her, too.” A tear falls from Adora’s left eye. Catra lifts her hand a few inches off of the bench, but then she thinks better of it and lowers it. “I was using her to get over someone. And, um, that’s why I’m not sorry about not going on the date, because it wouldn’t have been fair to her either and I would’ve felt really bad if I realized that after going on it.”
Catra just keeps staring at her, trying to process what is being said. She has a headache from the alcohol she consumed earlier, and her eyes itch from the crying. She has absolutely no idea where this is going because what the hell does Adora mean I was using her to get over someone? To get over who?
“Okay, so um, I’m just… I’m just gonna say it.” Catra sees the line of Adora’s throat move as she swallows. “I like you. Like, I really, really like you. I think — okay, no, I know — I love you. A lot. Like, possibly more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything else. And, uh, I wanted to tell you because— because I’ve been holding it in for a while now and it’s kind of been killing me to see you have girlfriends or know you kiss other people and Glimmer told me maybe I should distance myself from you to get over you but Bow told me I need to be honest with you first so I didn’t ruin our friendship, so, I’m here now, being honest with you.”
What.
Adora pauses, finally lifting her head from her knees and peering over to see Catra’s reaction. Catra is just sitting there, mouth open, unsure what the fuck is happening.
“I also wanted to tell you that I’m really sorry for— for everything that happened a few nights ago. I don’t think I really accepted how deep my feelings are for you until, well, today, but— fuck, I just can’t believe how bad I messed up on Wednesday. I’m really, really sorry Catra, for everything I said and did that night. I want to make it clear that I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t expect you to have feelings for me, and I don’t expect you to,” she takes a breath, “to keep wanting to be friends with me after this. It’s okay if you don’t want to; really, I understand. So um, yeah. In conclusion, I’m in love with you, I’m sorry for Wednesday, and it’s okay if you don’t want to be friends anymore.”
Adora takes a deep, gasping sort of breath when she finishes. Catra’s pretty sure she herself hasn’t moved at all for the last several minutes, because what.
Adora. Her best friend since, like, fucking age five. The girl she’s been in love with since she was like twelve. Has just said she’s in love with her.
This has to be a joke, she thinks, because no way in hell do good things like this happen to her. There’s just no way.
But then she looks at Adora. She really, really looks at her, and sees the way she’s still curled up like a roly poly bug. She’s not really facing her, so Catra can really only see the left side of her face, but her eyes are still glassy and multiple tears have fallen.
She’s never been good at lying, Catra reminds herself. And she’d never joke about something like this.
You know her. You know her.
So Catra takes a deep breath, thinks of what her therapist said about honesty and messing up and personal growth and all that, and then scoots closer to her best friend. She presses her forehead to Adora’s temple, thighs brushing against each other, but doesn’t touch her anymore than that.
“You love me?” she asks, and she can feel that Adora is shaking underneath her touch.
“Yes?” Adora whispers, “yes, I do. I’m sorry.”
“Okay,” Catra says, heart feeling like it’s seconds away from beating out of her chest, “I love you too.”
Adora jerks away from her, fast and sharp. Catra lets her. Her eyes are wide, lips parted. She looks absolutely shocked. Still, she says with a quiet and weak voice, “what?”
“Yeah,” Catra murmurs, and then she decides to just be honest. “I really, really love you. All of my relationships — all the girls I’ve dated, they all broke up with me because I’m pretty sure they could tell that I wasn’t fully committed to them because, well— yeah. I’m fucking neck-deep, absolutely and utterly in love with you. I have been for a really long time.”
“What,” Adora gasps, looking like she’s just full blown panicking at this point. “What, you’re… what—”
“Apparently everyone knows it, too. Perfuma was giving me shit for it earlier,” Catra admits.
“Glimmer— she told me she knew without me actually having to say it, too,” Adora stutters, face red. Catra lets out a shaky laugh, and then glances up the girl in front of her. The girl who, despite what she had thought, will still probably be her best friend after tonight.
“Can…” Adora swallows, “can I touch you?”
“Okay,” Catra responds.
One of Adora’s hands come up to her cheek, just as gentle as it had been a few nights ago. Her fingertips are rough and calloused in the best way, and Catra realizes in the back of her mind that Adora is shaking. Without really thinking about it, she reaches forward with her hand to clasp it around Adora’s unoccupied hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“I wasn’t gonna say anything,” Catra murmurs, meeting her eyes. “After— after, you know, that night, I was just… I felt like the last thing you needed was me saying something like I know we’re best friends but I’d really like to be girlfriends and adding feelings into the whole mess that happened.”
Adora’s eyes go wide. “You want to be girlfriends?”
“I— well, um, being that I’ve been in love with you for the past six years, I guess I wouldn’t be opposed to going on a date or something…”
They stare at each other for a solid four seconds before their lips begin to curl upwards and they burst out laughing. Catra has no idea if she’s laughing because of shock, amusement, or hysteria. Probably a mix of all three.
Somehow, they end up a lot closer than they were before. Adora’s hands are still on Catra’s face, and through their laughter, they make eye contact. Suddenly, everything feels a lot less funny.
Slowly, Adora leans closer.
She does what Catra told her to do before. She leans so close that their lips are hovering mere inches away from each other, but she doesn’t kiss her.
She’s leaving Catra to anticipate the kiss like she taught her to do, and fuck, it’s really working.
“Hi,” Adora whispers against her lips, voice full of delight.
“Hey, Adora,” Catra replies, voice coming out only slightly shaky. “I really think we should kiss.”
“Me too. I also think we should be girlfriends,” Adora says, and then she closes the gap.
It’s not the perfect kiss by any means. Catra ends up pressed into the arm of the bench ever so slightly, the metal digging into her back. The kiss itself is sloppy because of how hard they’re both smiling while simultaneously trying to kiss each other, their teeth clacking together. Catra laughs against Adora’s mouth, bringing a hand up to the back of her head to keep her close.
It’s a good thing they have all the time in the world to practice.
scorpia — perfuma & catra
october 6th 11:18 P.M.
scorpia [11:18]
WILDCAT WE WOKE UP AND YOURE NOT HERE WHERE ARE YOU
DO I NEED TO CALL THE COPS
CATRA?????????
nvm perfuma found your message lol
are you okay??
catra [11:39]
[image sent]
perfuma [11:39]
omg!!!
scorpia [11:39]
YOURE WITH ADORA?????
DOES THIS MEAN EVERYTHING IS OK BETWEEN YOU TWO???
ok perfuma just pointed out how if you two are kissing it’s probably ok
but still i’m so happy for you wildcat!!!
perfuma [11:41]
catra
my child
are you happy?
catra [11:44]
i am
i really, really am.
*