Work Text:
He should’ve seen this coming. He really, really should’ve.
Since her existence was brought into this world, Saki’s body has been as weak as a giant wall of glass; something so delicate that if the volume of a passerby’s words were too loud, the wall would shatter into a million pieces with the slim guarantee of being glued back together again.
And since Saki had been glued to almost every single hospital bed known to man. Tsukasa has had the (dis)pleasure of watching his parents' two-man tragedy performance as the only member in the audience (the seat next to him was reserved for someone who was always confined in walls draped in white.)
Naturally, when you’re put in these unexpected positions, such as child hospitalization. And have no choice but to accept the circumstances that are being dropped on you like a bombshell. Heads are going to bump.
But being shoved into a car and forcefully buckled into the backseat when it came to his parents and their tragic little tale of petty disputes and biliousness was…exhausting.
Think of it from an audience's perspective; the beginning of the show is really promising. It’s interesting, it’s hitting all the right marks. Every actor is absolutely fantastic. You’re 100% sure that the show is going to be nothing short of an absolute masterpiece. And you’re totally hooked onto the story and its premise.
Then comes the middle of the play. It’s…still good. But it doesn’t have that same flair as the begging did. The plot is starting to mesh together in an awkward way that feels anything but correct. And the actors seem to be growing uninterested with their current task at hand.
Eventually, the climax starts kicking in. And that’s when everything descends into madness. The plot is basically nonexistent. All of the actors have missed their cues. And you can even hear screaming from backstage, someone telling somebody else to get their shit together. The shows plummeted into the deepest depths of hell at an alarmingly fast pace, doomed to eternally suffer in the devils inferno. And as you’re watching it all go south, you can’t help but dreadfully beg the question ‘when will this finally be over?’
And when it is. You leave the theatre with a bad taste in your mouth, disappointed over the loss of what could’ve been something amazing. Maybe even the next hit for theatre kids to get their grubby little hands on, because everything was promising. But its circumstances became its downfall.
That’s honestly the only way he could describe his family- or rather- his parents. Being forced to watch something that could’ve been so beautiful, crumble and tear at the seams over uncontrollable circumstances.
And he hated being the observer.
When they were all at the hospital, waiting for an update on Saki’s condition. Tsukasa would sit on one of the chairs outside and quietly watch on as his parents argued amongst themselves. Thankfully, they were in a hospital, so they had to be considerate of their volume.
But when they weren’t. Those were the worst. The screaming matches were so loud, they could rival every train whistle combined. In these situations, he blankly stared into his window, noting his reflection in his peripheral vision as his parents strained their voices with their endless yelling. It’s not like he could sleep. If he could. We would. But he couldn’t. So all he could do was gaze outside and count all the clouds visible to him. And hope that their wrangles would be over soon enough.
Before he was shoved into a lonely way of living, when one of his parents actually came home (it was usually one at a time), he’d jump down the steps, bursting with excitement to finally be with someone he loved for once and be able to talk with them and everything.
But most of that time wasn’t spent on him. He instead had to listen to one of his parents go on and on about the other. Spewing vile words of putrid detestation and abhorrence. He had to listen to every syllable of their detestment. And it hurt. It really did. Because they were his parents whom he loved so dearly, yet all they’d been doing since Saki’s state declined was badmouth each other with no end in sight.
(He eventually got tired of seeing their faces appear from behind the front door.)
The more he thought about his parents behavior in the past. More bells started going off in his head, ringing a dreadful tune. He should’ve realized it earlier. He really should’ve. It only made sense that this was going to happen eventually. At some point, he even expected this!
And yet…why was he so surprised?
“Your mother and I are getting a divorce.”
With those eight words, it felt like Tsukasa’s hefty foundation of a world he took years to build and perfect had been absolutely demolished by one hell of a wrecking ball with a mighty fine swing. His whole world was crumbling around him, breaking apart at the seams.
He should’ve seen this coming.
“W-what?” Saki’s utter dismay echoed throughout the living room from where they sat at their dining table, which now felt disgustingly uncomfortable and unbearable to sit in.
“Your mother and I are getting a divorce,” their father repeated nonchalantly, followed by a sigh.
“B-but why!?” Saki’s voice raised; panic evident in her tone, body language, and eyes. “You two have- have been nothing but happy with each other! You can’t do this!” She pleads, grasping onto straws of hope that were fated to snap in half under her weight any second. Meanwhile, Tsukasa’s eyes were glued to the top of the table with lips sewn shut. His hands were clenching the soft fabric of his sweatpants until his knuckles were as white as the walls of Saki’s countless hospital rooms.
He was her big brother. He was the older one. The more responsible one. He should’ve been the one arguing. Should’ve been the one fighting for his parents' relationship when they had already long given up. But he wasn’t.
All he could do was sit there. And be as quiet as he has ever been. Unable to speak or even show a hint of pain on his visage. It was just blank. And it made him feel all the more pathetic.
“Sweetie-“ their mom struggled to find the right words in this situation. “Look- your father and I. We just-“ she runs a hand through her hair in thought. “When you were in the hospital, we had a lot of arguments-“
“Medical bills. Family matters. We even entertained the idea of moving, quitting our jobs, and switching around our living situation. And now that you’re old enough to handle this kind of thing maturely, we thought we’d finally break the news.” Their father added.
“Did you have to cut me off?” Their mother’s voice was oozing with indignation. Her palm went up to rest on her forehead as she shook her head in disappointment.
“Oh- I’m sorry! Can I not try to alleviate my children’s stress by helping them understand-“
“You aren’t helping them understand anything! You are such an idiot! ”
“Says you! All you can do is play the piano! What’s that good for when it comes to hospitalized children!?”
“Shut your mouth you…”
And then their parents erupted into an argument. Throwing foul words of cruelty at each other with no remorse.
This made Tsukasa look up. He was practically immune to this type of event now, as unfortunate as it was to admit it. But Saki. This was all foreign to her. Being stuck in the hospital and having to go through test after countless test and not spending enough time at home to really experience the blunt of their parents' marriage like he did, she was extremely unaware.
If he was being honest, she’d rather her had to deal with their parents and him be in the hospital. He hated that she had to go through all of the things she did. But right now, it wasn’t about that.
Although he’s seen this a thousand times, this is Saki’s first. And she looks petrified. God knows what thoughts were swimming around in her head right now. The louder their parents got (how inconsiderate it was to have a fight right in front of them and worry his dear sister like that), the more sweat beaded down her face and the more her eyes widened to display her shock and fear. Tsukasa felt terrible. She probably thinks this is all because of her- she gets like that when her hospitalization is brought up in a negative situation.
He has to stop being a coward, and help out his little sister!
But…he doesn’t know how…
He was so focused on the foundation he’d built to protect himself from these kinds of emotions crumbling down to hell, that he was just,,, so,,, quiet…
He looks at Saki’s expression one last time. It’s so full of pain and disbelief. And that’s the final crack in the dam before it absolutely explodes, showering the foundation underneath with water.
Tsukasa gets up, his chair pushing back loudly and emitting an odd creak. “YOU TWO! CUT IT OUT!” He shouts. His parents' words die down in an instant. The Tenma’s undivided attention, through the surprise, was now on him.
And for the first time in years. The eyes on him feel like nothing. It doesn’t make him feel proud and welcomed and appreciated. It doesn’t drive him to a borderline panic attack that would mess with his body and leave him tired afterward. It was just… nothing.
“IF YOU’RE GOING TO ARGUE-“ his voice booms with acrimony. He slams one hand onto the table, and it shakes a bit. He points his freehand towards the door. “THEN LEAVE!” he demands.
His parents look at him with an unreadable expression. They glance at each other, blink a few times, then slowly get up and excuse themselves without words. Shuffling out the front door like dogs with tails between their legs. He notices his father snatch the keys off the small coffee table in front of the couch before taking his leave.
The door slams. Reverberating off the walls. A car hums in wakening, then its revving quickly disappears. It leaves the Tenma household shrouded in silence. The two siblings refusing to utter a word about anything.
Tsukasa remained as still as a statuette. He was sure his skin would slowly shift into copper if he stayed still any longer.
The chair next to him squeaks. And Saki gets up. She doesn’t dare to look at him. He doesn’t dare to look at her; his own eyes still stuck to the front door in which his parents retreated. Saki excuses herself from the table, again, without words. And slowly trudges her way up the steps.
Her footsteps are loud in the rather quiet home. Tsukasa hears her descend all the way to her door and close it shut in a very careful manner. The entire time, his gaze hadn’t moved an inch.
—
So this is it.
Tsukasa sighs as he rests on his bed. His mattress doesn’t feel as cloudy and foamy as the makers claimed it was. Right now, it felt like knives were pressing their tips up against the skin of his back, afraid to move because he could be cut.
He looks up at his ceiling. The only light in the whole house coming from the moonlight that painted anything in its sight. He turned off the light in the living room once he finally moved from his spot and retreated upstairs into the safety of his bedroom.
Everything is quiet. Everything is calm. An odd contrast to the house's energy an hour ago.
He sees a soft blond head of hair in the corner of his eye as he looks straight ahead towards the windows that were settled above the staircase, encasing them in white moonlight.
“You can come in…Saki…” Tsukasa answers an unspoken question. His voice is rather quiet and shaky in comparison to his usually loud and boisterous one.
Saki, without a word, shuffled into his room. Quickly and carefully making her way over to his bed and politely taking a seat at the edge as she fidgets with her fingers anxiously.
“I told the girls,” Saki finally speaks up, ending this seemingly endless cycle of silence. “They’re being nothing but supportive.”
“I’m sorry…you had to go through that,” Tsukasa says. His heart hurts as he thinks about Saki’s distraught expression. “I would’ve stopped it earlier…I was just so shocked…it wasn’t very star-… brotherly of me…”
“…how long…have they been like this?” Saki’s words are soft. Her eyes are focused towards his blue carpet as she speaks. She’s too scared to look up.
“…years…” Tsukasa responds. “Many…many years…” admitting it is difficult. It feels like an anchor is tied to his vocal chords, and dragging them down to his intestines. “You- when you were first hospitalized…that was when it really started to…kick off…”
“First they started having these disputes about hospital bills. And about the house. And about their jobs. When you continued to spiral in terms of your health- things got worse. It went from arguing on who was going to visit you and wake up in the dead of night to drive you to the hospital in case of an emergency, to just flat out insulting each other with no end in sight.” He sighs. “I’m glad you didn’t know about any of this until just now, though. It would’ve made you more stressed than you already were and really would’ve taken a toll on your already terrible health.”
As Tsukasa relays all of this information to Saki. She just sits there with a blank expression. Her eyes are half-lidded, and her lips are pressed into a thin line. Despite this, he knows exactly how she’s feeling.
“…so…they’re getting divorced…because of me-“
“Saki…“
When their father mentioned the hospital, he just knew Saki was going to draw this sort of conclusion. And it hurt him to the core to think Saki thought this was her doing, when it was completely out of her control.
As tears begin to form in Saki’s eyes, Tsukasa sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed, scooting closer to the edge so he’s side-by-side with Saki. He places a hand on her shoulder, which makes her look up amidst glossy eyes.
“Listen, Saki. None of this- and I mean none of this- was your fault. I heard their arguments. They were always so angry behind closed doors. It was obvious that they weren’t made for each other. So please, don’t consider this your fault by any means. Even if it’s for a second.”
Saki’s arm rubs her teary eyes. She sniffles, looking at her brother in disbelief. “You really think so?”
“…I know so…”
The two were enveloped in quiet once again and they reached in to embrace each other. This path their family was about to take was a long and bumpy one. But, at least, amongst everything else, they had each other to confide in-
“What if it’s split custody?” Saki’s words are merely above a whisper.
Oh god…Tsukasa hadn’t thought of that. In fact, the idea hadn’t even crossed his mind amongst his tsunami of thoughts.
Unaware of how to respond, all he can muster up is; “I don’t know.”
And with that, he holds onto Saki tighter.
Who knows how things would play out. In the end, he just hoped he’d still be able to see his little sister's positive smile every morning.
—
Approximately four weeks have passed since that happened, now deemed ‘the incident that mustn’t be named’ by the two Tenma siblings. And, it was safe to say that neither of them have been taking it very lightly.
Now that their parents were making their split up official, they weren’t afraid to show what they were really like. And as the two tried to settle on things such as the custody of their properties, and even their own children, the screaming matches got deadly.
Tsukasa found himself taking Saki outside onto her balcony more often just so she wouldn’t have to hear them scream.
School was…normal for the most part. It was a bit more difficult to focus on their studies now that they had this huge elephant in the room. And having to put on a smile and act like everything was alright although they were constantly on the verge of tears was a feat; but it wasn’t anything the two Tenma’s couldn’t handle.
They frequently communicated during school, disregarding the information they really should’ve been retaining in favor of secretly whipping out their phones and discussing the possible outcomes of their parents' progressively stickier divorce. They were treating this as if it were a game and they were bringing up theory after theory after theory and going in depth about every single detail. Call it childish, but this is how they were handling it. And to be fair, they could’ve dealt with it much worse.
They also started hanging out more often. Which was kind of odd considering they lived with each other and saw each other everyday. But because they didn’t know how much time they had left together, any opportunity they had to go out and do goofy stuff together, they took it.
They were trying to handle this the best they could. Saki, thankfully, had a wonderful support system surrounding her. She was able to confide in her friends and tell them everything and anything from her emotions to her thoughts on the divorce. She was able to express her emotions in a healthy outlet.
Meanwhile, Tsukasa…was quite the opposite. He hadn’t told any of his troupe, worried that this would be just another thing to tease and mock him with, considering any little thing could and was usually used against him when his friends wanted a little laugh. He didn’t want them to treat this, which was so serious and detrimental to him, like it was just another silly little Tsukasa thing.
He wanted to tell Touya at first. But the boy has his own things to worry about. And when it comes to Akito, he tells him practically everything. And that guy, for the life of him, cannot keep a secret. Then it would probably seep into An and then Mizuki who does everything but keep secrets. And then the whole thing would spread around the school like wildfire because they sure as hell do love their gossip- and it’s making his head spin just thinking about it.
So in order to keep all of this under wraps. He has to maintain his usual star persona, and make it seem like everything was perfectly fine, that nothing was wrong. Nothing at all.
But as the tension between his parents grows thicker. He doesn’t know much longer he can handle this before he cracks.
—
“You’ve been hiding your royal status from the world for too long!” Tsukasa acts out his lines perfectly and with such precision. He really put thought into his character and all their little quirks. “With the king!…” and then he fumbles. For some reason, his mind flicks on and off like a lightswitch. When the light turns back on, any remnants of his lines are gone. Disappearing into an empty white background, nowhere to be seen no matter how tightly he squeezes his eyes shut to try and remember.
He can hear Rui sigh from his seat in the audience, followed by a small giggle coming from none other than Emu. He doesn’t even dare to look at Nene, she’s probably smiling at his mistakes.
He’s just been so focused on this divorce. Every single second it’s been messing with him, eating him from the inside out. It’s seriously screwing him up big time. He just can’t focus. Recently, he hasn’t even felt excited to put on a show. Dreading its arrival instead.
The only reason why he’s been coming to rehearsals at all is because he doesn’t want to disappoint his friends yet again. He doesn’t want to have to deal with their ice-cold glares being engraved into his eyelids. Closing his eyes and seeing their judgeful expressions as his parents have yet another petty screaming match in the background.
“With the king soon on his way out, we need you, the heir to the throne, to take his place,” Rui reads the script back to Tsukasa, sounding rather annoyed for once. And that does not make Tsukasa feel good at all.
But anything that seems out of character for him, and everything gets sent straight to hell. He sucks it up, and puts on a face. Nodding in understanding.
As he turns back to Nene to recite his line, her expression catches him off guard and snatches him in a tight hold. Squeezing his insides together painfully.
“Sheesh, Tsukasa. You still don’t have all your lines memorized?” She asks bitterly.
And that’s when it all deflated.
“I- I do! I promise I do!” He tries to defend himself, but his cries fall short. “ I just-“
“Nene is right, Tsukasa-kun,” Rui looks up from the script balancing on his leg, which was close to falling onto the ground. “You’ve been having a lot of trouble memorizing your lines as of recently. I’m very disappointed,” the corners of his lips drop down into a frown with those final words. All the while Emu is still giggling as if this was amusing.
Suddenly, his mind begins to swim. Even though he’s in a t-shirt and comfortable pair of pants, his clothes feel so itchy, irritating his skin which was heating up by the second. His body was so clad in his sweat that it was sticking to the fabric and making him even more uncomfortable. As his troupemates started talking about him amongst themselves, all he wanted to do was breakdown, curl into a ball and cry like a little baby. But he couldn’t- but he wanted to so, so bad.
As his legs started to weaken, their murmuring got louder. Ringing in his ears and abusing his eardrums with their words of mockery. He needed to make it stop. He needed to make it stop!
“JUST SHUT UP!!”
The other three went dead silent, staring at Tsukasa with wide eyes, shocked that he’d even say such a thing in a tone that serious.
Their eyes…gazing upon him…making him shiver. He knows this feeling all too well. It’s like it was yesterday. His world falling apart, and him practically kicking his parents out of their own estate…
Amongst their shock and confusion, he decided to seize the opportunity and run. Hopping off the stage, he quickly snatches his school bag which he put on one of the benches in the audience with care, and slings it over his shoulder as he books it out of the general area around the Wonder Stage.
If he wasn’t so focused on making it out of there. He would’ve heard his friends' desperate cries for his return.
—
Everything in terms of his nerves had started to calm down just a bit once he finally exited (escaped) the premises of Phoenix Wonderland.
Tasking himself with making his way home turned out to be as difficult as he thought it would be. With his phone erupting with text messages from his friends and everything. Asking if he was okay and if they could just talk things out. He was actually quite impressed by the amount of text messages all of them could send in under a minute tops.
However, one message stood out amongst the rest. It’s soft black text burning into his retinas like the sun.
[Father]
[Hey kiddo. I just wanted to let you know that me and your mom finally agreed on a divorce settlement.
We didn’t want to have to take this to court or anything. We both agreed it would’ve been a waste of our time.
I can’t believe we actually agreed on something. Hah!
So here’s how it is: as you know, I'm the breadwinner of the family. Since I can afford to pay for it, I get to keep the house. And because I’m financially stable, I get to keep you two. I have sole physical custody. We didn’t want to separate you two. We didn’t want you to have to choose your favorite parent, although I’m positive you both would’ve picked me.
Your mother is going to move back in with her parents very soon. And as you know, your grandparents live a long drive away. Because of this, until her life gets back on track, we’ve decided that your mother will come to see you twice a month and hang out with you two for the entire day.
In terms of legal custody, we’ve decided that it’ll be joint. We’ve agreed that we can discuss medical and other circumstances for the both of you over the phone and whatnot. We can’t guarantee that we won’t fight though. Haha!
Anyways, I don’t know if you’re still at your silly little rainbow show practice right now. But I just wanted to let you know the lay of the land. Text me back when you get the chance.]
Tsukasa stopped in his tracks, glaring a gaping hole into the middle of his phone screen as he rereads the message over a million times. He couldn’t believe his parents actually agreed to disagree in the end. And the fact that he and Saki aren’t going to be separated makes him overflow with joy.
But this message also hit him like a bus. Now it’s been finalized…
His parents really don’t love each other.
…
He needs to take a walk to clear his mind.
—
The crosswalk light switches from the red standby light to the green walk light in a flash. The light flickering as it changes.
As he makes his way through the scramble crossing, countless nameless faces bump into him, making him sway back and forth as more people try to push their way through the suffocating crowd. It makes him heat up, and warms his breath, making him more uncomfortable than he was before.
He tries to push his way through the crowd, slipping into any opening he can catch in the corner of his eye. Despite the muttered protests, he continued until he was able to see the beginning of the pavement. As the distance between him and the sidewalk grew shorter and shorter, the more he felt himself relax. Once he was out of the crowd, he could take a nice, long walk. And then maybe listen to some music…
Trapped in his thoughts. He doesn’t notice a certain someone not too far ahead. And he full on collides into their shoulder, which throws him out of his thoughts. Stumbling back on the sidewalk which was filled with empty-space. He struggles to keep his balance for a few seconds. When the realization hits him, he feels guilt slapping him in the back of the head.
“O-oh my gosh! My greatest apologies-“
“Ah! Tsukasa! How lovely it is to see you here!” Tsukasa opens his eyes at the familiar voice. A girl who was much taller than him smiles warmly from above, the mole above her lip refusing to crease as she does so.
“Oh! Shizuku!” Tsukasa's eyes raise just a tad in genuine surprise.
“What are you doing here?” She asks him daintily, like a princess of sorts. She really was such a stunning lady.
“I could say the same to you! My wonderful friend!” He forces out a boisterous laugh, pushing it up his throat. Shizuku smiles softly, pleased by his outgoing behavior.
“I’m out for a walk,” Shizuku answers, delicately moving a strand of hair behind her ear. “I was just about to get something to eat…would you like to join me? You don’t seem very busy at the moment.”
Tsukasa feels his blood run cold. And he doesn’t know why. Shizuku was one of his closest friends after all, there was no need to feel anxious around her. But…that smile of hers…it wasn’t a happy one- rather, a sympathetic one.
And if Saki told Shiho…the ‘news’ could’ve easily spread to Shizuku…
He doesn’t like the odds.
“Shizuku! I greatly appreciate your offer to hang out. But alas! I must retreat back to my quarters so I-“ Shizuku grabs Tsukasa by the arm and starts tugging him along despite his words of decline.
—
“…you brought me to the ‘WEEKEND GARAGE’?” Tsukasa looks up at Shizuku with incredulous eyes, surprised that Shizuku even knew this place existed. It really didn’t seem like her style.
“Mhm!” Shizuku nods, pushing the door open. The bell from up above jingles a tune as the two of them are hit with the strong aroma of coffee and baked pastries. The atmosphere of the cafe puts Tsukasa at ease.
“Aye! Shizuku! Tsukasa! How’s it going?” A chipper voice calls from behind the counter. As the two take a seat on the highchairs nearby, An runs over to them, placing her elbows on the countertop and putting her head in her hands.
“It’s going wonderfully, An! Thank you so much for asking,” Shizuku places her hands together in thanks. Meanwhile, Tsukasa simply shrugs, unsure of how to go about the question.
“So? What brings you here?” An asks. Energetic, yet cool as a cucumber, as usual.
“I bumped into Shizuku just as she was about to get a nutritious bite to eat! And she…decided to drag me along,” Tsukasa says the last part nervously. Shizuku laughs quietly to herself at his downcast, somewhat defeated expression.
“Well, the more the merrier!” An reaches under the counter then slams two menus onto the top, making the friends jolt in fear. “I gotta attend to some other customers, so when you find out what ya want, just give me a holler!” Before they could say anything, An rushed away with a bit of pep in her step. Almost skipping as she made her way over to a family seated at a booth.
After about a minute of silence as Shizuku searches through the menu to find something that appeals to her tastes (Tsukasa somewhat angrily stares at the word ‘MENU’ in its nice, fancy font. He doesn’t want to be here), Tsukasa sighs.
“I don’t want to be here…” his words are bratty. Not appreciating being in this environment anymore. Shizuku merely hums in response to his blatant suffering.
“I just thought that you needed some time to really relax! You looked really stressed during our encounter. I’m not…the best with words of encouragement after all…” she shrugs innocently. But he knows her. He knows that face. She knows what's going on. She knows.
“You know, don’t you?” Tsukasa sets his menu down. His voice is stern and serious, strongly built like a tall, sturdy wall. His urgency to get straight to the point made a bead of sweat drip down Shizuku’s cheek.
She tried to laugh it off. “Ahahah…I don’t know what you’re talking about-“
The doorbell jingles a cheery tune throughout the cafe.
“Tsukasa-senpai?”
Tsukasa looks up, and Shizuku feels relief flow through her veins. Letting out a breath when Tsukasa wasn’t looking. Thank the lord. An angel who went by ‘Touya’ had gotten her out of what could’ve been a very sticky situation.
“Ah! Touya! My beloved kohai! How are you doing on this wonderful day!” Tsukasa puts on his act once again. And Touya smiles, buying every second of it. Shizuku sighed to herself. The two-toned boy was just as dense as she was sometimes.
“I’m doing really well as of recently,” Touya smiled.
“That’s amazing to hear!!” Tsukasa’s voice raises a bit. After hearing An shush him from behind the counter, he quickly becomes weary of his volume. “That’s amazing to hear!” He repeats, but quietly. Touya laughs softly.
“How about you, Tsukasa-senpai? Is your show going smoothly? Is Saki doing alright?” Touya asks seriously. The glint in his eyes means his curiosity is genuine. Tsukasa has always kept an eye out for him, and in return, Touya has respected him and his sister greatly and thinks nothing but kindly of them. On top of that, whenever he had the chance, he’d always drop by to take care of them and help them.
And Tsukasa knew that if Touya knew, he’d do anything in his power to make him and Saki feel better. But at the same time, he’d be disregarding everything else that held importance to him, pushing it to the side and basically forgetting about it until the two blond siblings got over whatever they were under. Like his group. And Akito.
“Oi, Touya!”
Speak of the devil.
The ginger boy with that,, rather jarring expression which he always wore on his visage walked over to Touya and shoved his cheek into his shoulder affectionately. Uncharacteristically seeming to not give a single care in the world if other people were staring and observing them.
“Ah, Akito,” Touya’s voice meshes into something so soft and filled to the brim with undeniable adoration. As much as Tsukasa and Akito bumped heads, he really was grateful for the boy. Touya hasn’t been this happy in years, he and Saki can only do so much to lift his spirits. He knows Touya can go to Akito whenever he needs to, and vice versa. They complement each other, and lift each other up so naturally (unlike his parents). Tsukasa didn’t think there was anyone better than Akito for the job.
“Oh, Tsukasa,” Akito shot him a quick, yet rather dirty look out of Touya’s view. “What’re you doing here?”
Tsukasa pointed an accusatory finger at Shizuku, who only laughed before waving a hand towards An to catch her attention. Practically dashing towards her, once An got over and looked up, a smug smile formed on her face.
“Well well well. If it isn’t the two little love birds,” she cooed.
Touya smiled a bit wider at the comment, glancing towards Akito whose face absolutely exploded into pure red. His face was deeper than his hair, Tsukasa entertained the thought with a quiet chuckle.
“S-Shut up!” Akito stammered out, clearly embarrassed.
“Oh, so now you’re embarrassed? You were just loving alllllllll over your boyfriend like you would behind closed doors!” An’s lips pushed together, and her cheeks puffed up significantly. Trying to hold back a loud laugh that would flow through the atmosphere and disturb everyone else. Although, with her volume, she was getting pretty close.
“You’re not any better when it comes to Kohane, An,” Touya shook his head.
“Y-yeah!” Akito was clearly still trying to get over his flushed face. If he agreed with Touya, there was a high chance An would retaliate and make him as red as before. Sometimes the boy could be so stupid. “Heh…who knows what’s gonna happen once Kohane gets inside-“
“KOHANE’S HERE!?” An’s irises widen like a cat who just had a lot of catnip. “WHERE!?” She looks around frantically, her visage almost unclear at every given second due to how blurry it was.
Akito’s thumb tipped behind him towards the door. A jingle could be heard as the door opened and someone stepped inside. “She’s right outsid-“
An actually jumped over the counter in between Tsukasa and Shizuku who, amidst the shock, almost fell off their chairs when they leaned back as to not get hit. And then dashed towards the door and collided into an unknowing Kohane.
“KOHANE! MY ANGEL! MY HAMSTER BABY! MY BOOBOO BEAR! MY EVERYTHING! MY…”
Tsukasa and Shizuku watched this entire ordeal refuse to end. They gave each other a look, then looked over at Touya and Akito who looked indifferent. Clearly immune to this behavior of hers.
“Just ignore her. She does this shit all the time,” Akito rubbed the back of his neck idly.
“You mean…jump over the counter like some sort of lunatic, then behave like a love fool?” Tsukasa asked.
“Ah- no-“ Akito paused in thought. “Well…yeah. She’s done that before. But not as much as,” he points towards An who is still complimenting a shocked Kohane, “that.”
Shizuku giggled gracefully with the tips of her fingers covering her lips. “They must really love each other.”
At that comment, Tsukasa’s mind trailed back to his parents. He gripped the fabric of his pants tightly as he remembered their most recent argument around…maybe twelve hours ago? It happens so frequently now, that it’s hard to count how many they’ve had per week.
(He and Saki were resting in her room again, staring up at the plastic stars stuck to her ceiling as their parents argued about god knows what. Their screams were muffled and hushed thanks to Saki having all four walls in her room, unlike Tsukasa, that’s why he rushed over to her room when he heard a fight brewing.
Saki shivered a bit, cuddling up against Tsukasa to gain some warmth. Tsukasa sighed, reaching out a hand and patting Saki’s back softly and comfortingly.
He knew she could understand every word they were saying.
She knew he could as well.
But they both remained quiet. Embracing the silence, or whatever was left of it, and grasping it quickly as to preserve it. Silence was comfy, afterall.
“Do you think they’ll have to take this to court?” Saki asked, her eyes casting upon the fake stars to avoid Tsukasa’s own.
“…I would hope they agree on a settlement, so this doesn’t have to drag out any longer than it has. But, really, I don’t care anymore.” His voice was tired, yet it still held some anger to it. What he was angry at? Well, he’d say his parents, but at the moment, he really doesn’t know.
“…I hope this is over soon…” Saki says quietly.
I’ve wanted this over for years, Tsukasa thinks. But in the end, he just says:
“…yeah…”)
“Tsukasa-senpai? Tsukasa-senpai!” Tsukasa snaps out of his trance, blinking a few times before looking up at Touya’s overly worried expression. “Tsukasa-senpai, is everything alright?” Touya asks as Kohane takes a seat next to the energetic blond and An retreats behind the counter once again.
“Yeah…I’m…I’m alright…” Tsukasa nods.
“Oh, does Touya not know?” Shizuku asks innocently. Tsukasa feels his blood freeze over.
“Not know? Not know what?” Touya frowns. “What do I not know, Tsukasa-senpai?”
Oh fuck.
Tsukasa was panicking now. Unlike before, he couldn’t rush out. Not only would Touya, Akito, Shizuku and possibly Kohane ( and An if Kohane decides to tag along) run after him and track him down within a matter of seconds (especially Akito. He knows from experience just how fast and strong he is. He is a dangerous one.)
But he didn’t want to cause a scene and get more attention on him. It was usually the opposite. But right now, all he wanted to do was shrivel up and die.
“Wait…is Shizuku talking about the divorce?” Kohane asks. Tsukasa’s eyes widen, and his head slowly moves towards hers. She shivered under his gaze. He looked like he was about to strangle the ever-loving shit out of her.
“Tsukasa-senpai, what did she just sa-“
“NOTHING!! NOTHING!! SHE SAID NOTHING!!” Tsukasa laughs loudly to make himself appear less nervous. It wasn’t working, however.
“Tsukasa-senpai…what…divorce?”
Touya's question shakes him to the core. His tongue wrings dry, cracked and stuck to the bottom of his mouth. He wants to say something….but he can’t. He just…no matter what he does, he just can’t. And the more Touya looks at him with that petrified expression, the worse he feels.
Everyone’s looking at him in anticipation now. An. Akito. Kohane. Shizuku. Their eyes are burning holes into his skin, and he wants to melt and die.
“I- uh-“ he started to shake; budding tears now visual in his eyes. Of course, they were his friends, they wouldn’t tease him about this. But there…was always a possibility. And…he just…
God. He wanted to fucking die.
“My…my uh… parents …are splitting up...”
They all went quiet. A heavy lump had to be forced down Tsukasa’s throat before he choked on it.
“Holy shit.” Akito muttered in surprise. But it was still loud enough to hear.
“Akito. Language.” Despite all the heavy tension in the air from the sudden news, Tsukasa still finds a way to rebuke him. Although it doesn’t bring back any sensation of normalcy, as he had hoped.
“Tsukasa-senpai…” Touya couldn’t even finish what he was about to say, trailing his fingers down Akito’s arm before intertwining their hands and sighing.
“Tsukasa…are you alright?” Kohane frowns with worry. And Shizuku places a comforting hand on his shoulder after noticing his depressed expression, his eyes staring dejectedly at the floor.
They all went quiet. An leaned up against the counter, side-eyeing Tsukasa with an immense amount of interest for the topic at hand. Although she’s never seen him this quiet, and seemingly small. It must’ve been that serious, so she decided that she could save the meddling for later.
“You know you can talk to us, dude,” An shook him a bit from behind the counter. He doesn’t do so much as flinch. “Only if you want though.”
“…no…I-“ Tsukasa tries to speak, but it’s hard. “I- I don’t know…it’s just- I’m so…. scared and- and tired. ” He sighs.
“My father just…informed me about what our lives are going to be like after all this…and I- I- don’t know…”
“Are you and Saki being separated?” Shizuku asks.
“No- thankfully…but…without my mom- it’ll be so weird. I’m not used to it! I- it’s not- it’s- I just-“ he runs a hand through his hair and grinds his teeth together. “This is just so frustrating. Having to be alert and full of worries for weeks. And now, after all this, I won’t even get to see both my parents everyday! I hate it! I hate it so much! I wish this didn’t have to happen!” He didn’t even know that tears were falling from his cheeks until he noticed small wet splotches soaking up the fabric around his right kneecap.
“Oh…Tsukasa…sweetheart…” Shizuku pulls him into a hug, and he rests his head onto her shoulder, having to readjust to match her tall height and rest comfortably. And that’s when he sobs even more.
He knows everyone’s staring. But right now, he couldn’t give a damn. He hasn’t cried since his parents told them they were splitting up, this was long overdue. And if it had to be at a cafe at six in the afternoon, surrounded by people who were willing to comfort him without a snarky remark or sarcastic laugh (even Akito seemed sympathetic), then so be it.
—
“Where were you?” Was the question Tsukasa was hit with as he stepped into his house that felt emptier now that his mother would be gone within the next week or so. He noticed some luggage by the couch as he closed the door.
“Ah! Hello my dear little sister! How are you-“
“Don’t change the topic, onii-chan,” Saki crosses her arms and puffs out her cheeks like a pufferfish. “I’m not that gullible!!”
“Sorry, sorry,” Tsukasa sets his bag down near the couch and walks over to Saki, patting the top of her head. “You’re not gullible at all. I hope you didn’t assume I was insinuating something like that.”
“What does insinuating mean?”
“What?”
“What?”
“What?”
“Enough whatting!!” Saki huffs. “You still haven’t answered my question!!”
“Ah- I bumped into Shizuku on the way back from another… wonderful day at practice. And she dragged me to the cafe in which An works at with her father. Although I declined in tagging along, I ended up not having much of a say.”
“…what did you get?”
“Nothing. I…was mad that I couldn’t leave…so I…didn’t eat anything?”
Saki blinks a few times. “You’re lying.”
Tsukasa almost screams in shock. When it came to his little sister, was he really that transparent?
“You found Touya and ended up telling him about the divorce, didn’t you?”
“Wha!?” Tsukasa’s jaw drops. “H-how’d you know!?”
Saki pulls her phone out of her pocket and waves it back and forth. “He texted me that he was ‘so sorry for the divorce’. I only assumed that since I hadn’t told him, you must’ve.” Her voice was more stern than usual.
Tsukasa hopes this divorce isn’t making her force herself to become more uptight.
“…yeah…” Tsukasa sighs. “I didn’t want to. Because he always has a lot going on. But…Kohane kind of…let the cat out of the bag so…I really had no other option other than run out of the cafe and cause a scene.”
Saki ponders what to say next. But then decides to shelve the entire conversation. Tsukasa clearly doesn’t wanna talk about it any longer. “…are you hungry?”
“Famished.” He replies quickly.
Without a word, Saki walked into the kitchen and snatched something (plus a few napkins) off the counter. Then walking over to the family table, which was missing its usual fourth chair, she places said something (and the napkins) on the table and pulls out two of the three chairs. As she seeps into her usual chair, she pats the one next to her, deemed “Tsukasa’s chair”.
Tsukasa politely sits in his chair, and eyes the something on the table. It’s sando. Still wrapped in its packing, placed not-so-delicately on top of a small stack of napkins.
Tsukasa reaches out and snatches the food. Opening the packaging rather softly, its tearing still loud regardless of how he handles it. After carelessly shoving the plastic wrapping to the side, he places one of the sandwiches into a napkin and pushes it towards Saki.
Then, the two dig in.
It’s delicious. The shokupan is freshly baked and super soft on the tongue. And the eggs in between are rich and savory, delicious.
However, despite how fantastic it was to eat something after running on nothing but pure oxygen and hysterical tears for a few hours. It didn’t clear his mind about the divorce in the slightest.
And for the most part, the two ate in silence.
“…me and Ichi went to a konbini…today. After I got the text from dad. And she thought…maybe going to the convenience store and getting some slurpees would help me ease the pain- or something.”
“What flavor did you get?”
“Blood orange.”
“Lame flavor. Cherry is better.”
“Your taste is ass.”
“Watch your language.”
“I saw some girl there. She was super short and had this long white hair. She was buying an insane amount of instant noodles. You wouldn’t believe it.”
Tsukasa can’t help but smile at that. The said girl sounds familiar. He thinks Ena mentioned someone like that before, but he can’t put his finger on it.
This type of casual conversation goes on for a while longer. They both know what their minds are focused on. But neither of them want to mention it. And once they run out of things to talk about. It goes quiet.
“So. Moms leaving.”
Tsukasa squeezes his eyes shut at Saki’s words. “…I know…”
“At least we aren’t being separated. Amongst all the other crap, we still have each other.”
“…yeah…”
“Mom’s leaving. We get to see her every now and then. And we get to deal with dad now.”
“…mhm…”
“What now?”
Tsukasa pauses.
That’s right.
What now?
In all honesty. He has no idea. It’s like he’s been running miles and miles and miles on an endless path, reaching his hand out towards a blacked-out figure that keeps treading further and further away from him. As the fog he passes through gets thicker and thicker, it gets harder and harder for him to see. He doesn’t even know if he’s gone off the path. He’s so lost. He doesn’t know anymore.
Only when Saki calls his name does he realize he’d been spacing out.
“…I…I don’t know…”
“Well…whatever happens, we’ll conquer it together! Right?”
Tsukasa doesn’t know anymore.
He’s so tired.
“…yes…”
—
It’s been two weeks since Tsukasa’s sudden outburst at rehearsal.
It’s been a month since his parents told them about their divorce.
Ever since the little,,,thing, he had…he’s been avoiding his troupe- his friends- like the plague. Whenever he’d see Rui or Nene in the hallways at school, he’d turn the opposite way and try to blend into the crowd (which, now that he’s remained quiet, it wasn’t that hard). He’s been avoiding all their messages. All their calls. He’s even been missing out on their rehearsals! He feels…unworthy of talking to them once again after that. It’s embarrassing. He was disappointing them either way. He’s been such a let down.
—
Tsukasa remembers exactly what he was doing just before it happened; he was sitting on the edge of his bed, shooting a few messages back and forth with Shizuku (her typing was still a bit wonky as well. My, was she terrible with technology). She was telling him about the date she and Airi went on not too long ago. And how they went to hang out at the park and Airi tried to impress her on the monkey bars but got distracted and fell face-first into the gravel below.
Honestly, it was quite funny. For the first time in a while, he found himself chuckling without having to phone it in. He found himself enjoying something genuinely for a second.
And then…
“Tsukasa! Saki! Can you both come downstairs, please?”
Tsukasa looks up from his phone and takes a quick glance downstairs. Sighing, he shoots Shizuku a quick message, who responds with a mailbox emoji instead of a thumbs up. Placing his phone by his pillow, he gets up and does a quick stretch, feeling his spine pop vertebrae per vertebrae.
As he leaves his room, he sees Saki slowly but surely peek her head out from behind her door, a worried expression plastered over her visage.
The two make eye contact. They understand. They know what they think is happening is actually happening.
He holds out his arm, wriggling his fingers as an invitation. As Saki closes her bedroom door, she slips her hand into his. Her feet struggle to move as he tugs her along towards the staircase. He knew she was dreading going down the steps herself. And as her big brother, who’d been flaking out this entire time, he thought that if there was a time to step up, it would be now.
As they descend, they get to see the bigger picture. Their mom is standing towards the door, grasping her last stuffed suitcase close to her leg.
“Mom!!” Saki lets go of Tsukasa’s hand and runs over to her once they reach the bottom of the staircase. Their mother opens her arms, a sad smile creasing the faint lines on her face as Saki runs into her embrace. Tsukasa’s fingers linger above the staircase for a few seconds, and then he approaches the two with slow footsteps.
“So…kids…” their mother’s voice is filled with such anguish, yet it’s obvious she’s trying to hide it. “I’m sure you know-“
“You’re leaving.” Tsukasa cuts her off, his words not even a question. His mother’s face falters at that. And his tone was so pointed. “Dad already told us.”
The room falls even quieter than before. Saki pulls away from their hug, taking a spot next to Tsukasa. Their mother looks like she’s on the verge of tears now, grasping her forearm tightly.
“I know…our meetings will be brief-“ she takes a breath. “I will message you everyday, ask you how you’re doing. Please don’t disregard me.”
Saki nods. “We won’t!!”
As their mother opens her mouth again, Tsukasa tunes her out. Her words feel like mumbles to his ears; crawling down his ear canals and jumping off the edge, diving into the deep bits of his stomach and burning in the acid, leaving a sizzling sensation in the pit of his stomach.
“…I love you two so, so much. And me being miles away isn’t going to change anything. ” Tears are streaming down their mother’s cheeks now, unable to maintain her composure around them.
Saki’s crying too, Tsukasa can tell. Yet all he can do is blankly stare.
He feels a kiss being placed onto his temple, and that’s when he looks up and into his mother’s sad, regretful eyes. All the screaming and dread and anxiety. All the pain she caused them. She really did regret it, she had to. That’s what her eyes told him.
“…goodbye…mom…” Tsukasa says softly, washing away the formality. He says her role as if she’s an old friend he won’t see for a very long time. And in a way, she is.
His mother takes one last look around the house, grasps her luggage by the handle, opens the front door, and disappears. The faint sound of a car driving away is the last thing she leaves behind.
The two siblings stand there in silence.
“…I’m gonna…I’m gonna go to Ichika’s place…” Saki says quietly. Normally he’d offer to walk her there or lecture her about the dangers of walking alone in the middle of the night. But right now, his tongue was absolutely tied. All he could do was nod.
The door opens and closes without so much as a ‘goodbye’ and ‘stay safe’ exchanged between the two. And now there Tsukasa stands in the middle of the house, the moonlight from up above showering down upon him and giving his fingers a slightly ethereal glow.
…
This is it.
His mom just left. His father is fine- FINE with that-
They really didn’t love each other.
His parents hated each other.
He and Saki paid the price.
And now it’s over. It’s all over.
And this is all he has to show for it.
…
He didn’t realize tears were streaming down his cheeks until they hit the floor with little pitters and patters. His legs tremble, struggling to carry his body which felt like it increased in weight by the second.
His breathing becomes labored, shaking his body as he fights to keep himself upright. But it doesn’t last.
He falls onto the floor, his palms slamming into the coated wood with a soft slam. As a whimper escapes his mouth, he hunches over, more tears falling onto the floor.
His mind is spinning as a loud, painful cry escapes his lips, echoing throughout the house and screaming back to him in his face.
More tears slip and fall. He cries even more, each horrifying wail louder than its predecessors.
“WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME, GODDAMMIT!? WHY ME!!!”
When was this hellish nightmare going to end?
—
Another day at school. Another day of acting like everything was perfectly fine.
Tsukasa quietly settles into the chair at his desk while his classmates talk amongst themselves. He quickly shoots Saki a text, wishing her a good day at school and telling her he loves her. He smiles when she sends back a bunch of cat and heart emojis. Like usual.
He gets a few sudden messages from Emu. Which he doesn’t even dare to read. He hasn’t been responding to anyone’s messages unless they’re Saki’s, Touya’s, Shizuku’s or his moms. He still hasn’t responded to that message his dad sent him a while back.
He keeps pushing away more of Emu’s messages. And even some of Nene’s. It’s become a ritual for the three of them to bombard him with messages in the morning, asking if he’s okay and such. And honestly, now he just feels even more guilty.
It would be a nice sentiment if…he doesn’t know anymore.
He doesn’t know anything.
As he keeps pushing back more and more messages, suddenly Rui joins in. And that’s when Tsukasa’s finger slipped.
Fuck.
[Rui 💜]
[good morning Tsukasa-kun]
[Tsukasa-kun]
[Tsukasa-kun]
[hellooooooo? Tsukasa-kun?]
[Tsukasa-kun. It’s been almost three weeks now. You can’t keep avoiding us. This can’t go on forever]
[you know I’m right]
[I’m getting sick and tired of you ignoring us]
[please just tell us what we did wrong]
[I know you probably aren’t reading this but we really do care about you- I care about you- and to see you acting like we’ve contracted the plague is killing me]
[I miss my star]
[I miss my star so much]
[I don’t know what else to do. You won’t respond to my texts. You won’t answer my calls]
[was it something I did?]
[did I do something wrong?]
[I don’t know what I did wrong but please tell me what I did]
[oh. You just read that. Didn’t you?]
[hello, Tsukasa-kun]
Tsukasa almost threw his phone into the nearest wall, mentally cursing himself and his stupid-ass fingers.
God. This was about to get so much worse. Wasn’t it?
He takes a deep breath, shoves his phone which was exploding with texts into his pocket, and puts on a brave face as the bell rings.
He tells himself he can get through the day.
It can’t be that bad, right?
—
It was that bad. Actually, it was worse.
First of all, he’d forgotten to do his homework for math class again. He heard his classmates giggle as his math teacher berated him for being so forgetful. He was trying his best to fight back the tears as his teacher called him a foolish buffoon.
Then, he forgot he had a history test today. Of course he hadn’t studied. And since he’s been so focused on the divorce, he hasn’t been paying attention in class. So he sure as hell failed that test. Not like his parents cared, anyway.
Then, he almost had a mental breakdown in the bathroom. But he held it all in and locked it away, obviously.
And, to top it all off. When he opened up his bag, he realized he forgot his lunch. And he doesn’t eat breakfast before he goes to school. So now he’s starving.
Today has been absolutely fantastic!!!
—
With nothing to do during lunch, Tsukasa made his way to the roof. The fresh air could clear his mind a bit. He needs it after the mentally taxing day he’s had. And it’s not even done yet, oh boy. He wants to die so bad right now, it’s not even funny.
Stepping out onto the roof, he’s hit with the soft breeze of the blossoming spring. The scent of the assortments of colorful flowers from down below travel through the air, rising high enough to smell it from all the way up.
It’s calm…up here. He’d forgotten how comforting it felt. Probably because he was all alone. But…it felt nice.
He felt like he could leave all of his troubles behind. Like the ocean lapping away all of its escaping contents on the sand of the beach. Or perhaps, blowing out a candle and being engulfed in a comforting darkness. It was like that. Except he wasn’t on a beach. And he wasn’t a woman in the 1700’s that lacked basic electrical foundations. He was just some guy, in his school uniform, on top of the roof, who just so happened to have parents who were getting a divorce.
He walks over to the fence. Grasping it tightly. He sighs as he glances down below, and sees students walking all around the campus. Maybe one of them was like him. Struggling with something they refused to tell their friends about resulting in having to put on a brave face while they’re breaking apart on the inside. Maybe they go home and cry in their room like he does. The idea of him not being alone makes him feel a bit lighter, like he’s not the only one going through it. He’s sure he’s not. He hopes he’s not.
But at the same time. He hopes nobody has to go through something like this either.
It’s a difficult discussion in the back of his mind.
“And what are you doing here?” A voice calls out. It’s more mischievous than most, and smoother as well. Tsukasa knows it all too well, and it scares him.
He slowly turns his head around, his eyes wide in fear. At this, Rui smiles even wider. It’s a shit-eating grin for sure. But on the inside, he’s just so glad to see Tsukasa not run away immediately at the sight of him. He can’t show that though. Not right now.
“A-ah! Rui!!” Tsukasa laughs awkwardly, his eyes burning a hole into the door, the only (safe) exit, behind him. He’s already calculating his chances to the best of his ability. He needs to get the perfect opportunity to leave and avoid this situation. But he can’t let Rui catch on. He’s observant like that. “It’s…lovely to see you!!”
“I can only say the same,” Rui’s inflection doesn’t waver. But Tsukasa knows exactly what he wants. “I…I’ve found myself missing you a lot more than I should.” Rui takes a few steps towards Tsukasa, and his mind is screaming at him to make a run for it. To get out of there. To hide.
Tsukasa watches him take a few more steps, until he makes sure Rui won’t be able to prevent him from getting away by blocking the door. And then, he runs.
Rui is caught off guard for just a moment, but forces himself back into his senses. Tsukasa is so close to the door. So close. He reached out towards the metal bar. He’s right there. This is it-
“And where do you think you’re going?” Rui grasps Tsukasa’s wrist tightly, preventing the blond from running away like he’s previously been doing.
Shit. Tsukasa forgot that Rui can grab.
Now filled with a sense of dread, Tsukasa refused to move. He doesn’t want to turn and meet Rui’s most likely horrifying gaze.
“Enough running away, Tsukasa-kun,” Rui tugs on his arm a bit. “Please.”
“…” Tsukasa is scared of this confrontation, in all honesty.
“Tsukasa-kun. Look at me.” Rui demands.
“…”
“Please.” Rui begs this time, his voice raw and dry.
Tsukasa feels terrible, on top of scared. Ignoring one of his closest friends to the point of him sounding like he was on the verge of tears hurt him immensely.
With a sigh, Tsukasa turns around.
“Tsukasa-kun…” Rui’s mouth forms into a small ‘o’. Now that he’d finally gotten a good look at the star, he seemed a lot dimmer than usual.
Basically, he looked like shit.
Tsukasa knew what he was thinking. He could tell just by his face. And quite frankly, he agreed. He hasn’t been doing the best when it comes to taking care of himself lately. He’s sure he looks more like shit then Ena says he does. She’s nice to him like that, but she’s also a liar.
Rui runs a hand through Tsukasa’s hair, and Tsukasa melts into the touch. He’s had many hands run through his hair before. Usually Saki’s and Honami’s, as they’ve used him as their test subject for short hairstyles many times before. And Mafuyu’s, as she’s done it plenty of times. He lets her when she’s having a really rough moment. And she likes how soft his hair is.
But this. This is different. It doesn’t feel familiar and friendly like Saki’s and Honami’s hands, making him feel energized and chipper. Or stressful and worried like Mafuyu’s, making him feel anxious.
Rui’s hands…they make him feel warm. Butterflies flutter around in his stomach; heating up his senses and the tips of his fingers, all the way to his heart.
He wants to indulge in it. He wants this warmth to stay for eternity. Maybe it’s…different because he…possibly harbors romantic feelings for the director. Yeah. Maybe.
Tsukasa moves his cheek into Rui’s palm, breathing softly as Rui scratches his scalp with his lengthy fingers. He’s sure his face is a nice pink hue. He doesn’t care, though. It’s so…nice. And for a moment, it’s like all the troubles he’s been dealing these last few weeks with have truly ebbed away.
“What’s troubling you, my star?” Rui inquires, placing his hand underneath Tsukasa’s chin and lifting it up, forcing the blond to look him in the eyes. “Why have you been avoiding us- avoiding me?” He tilts his head to the side with a frown. “Please, Tsukasa-kun. I want to know.”
Tsukasa bites his lip in thought. He takes a moment to consider his options:
1) make an elaborate lie, and play it off as such. Although, Rui would probably see through it immediately.
2) make a run for it, and hope Rui doesn’t catch him. But with those abnormally lanky limbs of his, he’s sure he won’t last very long before he’s in his grasp again.
3) he jumps from the roof of the building and dies. And as much as he’s been craving that for a while, he can’t do that to Saki. On top of the divorce, it would absolutely destroy her.
Or 4) he tells Rui.
His options aren’t looking very good.
“Tsukasa-kun. Don’t make me force an answer out of you,” Rui threatens. Sure, Rui won’t kill him, Tsukasa knows that. But the boy won’t hesitate to strap him to a firework if needed, so…
Again. His options aren’t looking any good.
Maybe…just maybe…it wouldn’t hurt to tell someone like one of his closest friends…?
Tsukasa sighs. “Alright. I’ll tell you- but can we sit down, at least?”
“Of course,” Rui smiles, yet it’s wielding hesitation. Leading the way, the two boys walk over to the closest wall, and take a seat. Resting up against it. Tsukasa doesn’t remember it being this comfortable.
Tsukasa goes quiet after that. Suddenly struck with the realization that now he had to tell Rui. A tsunami of conflicting emotions hit him, filling his lungs up with water, preventing him from breathing-
Rui places a hand on Tsukasa’s shoulder. Tsukasa looks up, greeted with Rui’s comforting smile, as if to tell him ‘I’ll be nice to you no matter what’. And that makes him feel a bit more at ease. A bit more confident to tell him what’s been gnawing at the back of his mind for weeks.
“…just…promise you won’t tell anyone?” Tsukasa asks softly, scared to raise his voice to its usual boisterous volume.
“If it’s really that serious, then I promise I won’t.”
“Great. Now you’re making me think that what’s bothering me is all just some stupid jo-“
“No- no. Tsukasa-kun. If it’s really bothering you this much, I promise I won’t mock you in any way or share any of this.”
“…are you positive?”
“As positive as one could possibly be.”
“Alright…” Tsukasa takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
“My parents are getting a divorce.”
Rui goes dead silent. Not even the lulling of his breath could be heard. The wind is loud, overwhelming Tsukasa as it breezes past, swooshing all the way. When he glances at Rui’s petrified expression, he panics.
“I-I mean!! Uh- my parents—already got a divorce!?!? They’re kinda- uh- finalizing everything!! And uh- uh———“
“Tsukasa.” The aforementioned boy was shocked by the dropping of the honorific. Rui’s voice was wavering- a rare occurrence for a boy whose mischievousness was always sewn into his words. “I…I don’t know what to say…”
Now Tsukasa was really freaking out. His heartbeat had increased tenfold. He quickly got up and onto his feet. “It’s okay! I don’t wanna hear it!!! In fact, I should leave-“
“No.” Rui practically demanded, (lightly) tugging Tsukasa back onto the floor. “Tsukasa-“ he struggles to find something to say as Tsukasa readjusts his position so that his legs are crossed comfortably on the floor.
“Is this what’s been bothering you all these weeks?”
Tsukasa’s lips drew into an awkward frown. “…yeah…”
“And the outburst at rehearsal- did it have to do with the stress?”
Tsukasa nodded.
“Ah…us getting on your case that one rehearsal must’ve irritated the wound. That’s was insensitive of us, I’m sorr-“
“There’s no need to apologize.” Tsukasa sighs. “I’d rather not think about it, anyway.”
There’s a pause.
“…why did you avoid us afterward?”
Tsukasa sighs again. “I…I felt bad. I- you’re my friends and I love you, and I told you all to shut up- I was a jerk once before and I guess- I guess I didn’t feel worthy to talk to you…”
Rui frowns, placing a hand on Tsukasa’s thigh and rubbing it with comfort. “You don’t have to decide if you’re ‘worthy’ to talk to us, Tsukasa. And you shouldn’t have to deny voicing your troubles with us or anything of the sort.”
“…really?”
“Yeah…” Rui pauses. “Speaking of voicing your troubles. Why on earth didn’t you tell us? We would have supported you from the start.”
“…I guess…I was just afraid. ”
“Afraid of what?”
Tsukasa gulps. “As you know…I tend to be the…center…of mockery and teasing. And I guess…I was just… scared that if you guys found out…you’d kind of…use it against me. And- usually I brush these kinds of things off. But their divorce has been so… serious . And it’s taken a toll on me to an extent I didn’t think it could. I didn’t want you to mock me with the very thing that was slowly chewing me out.”
“…oh…Tsukasa…” is all Rui can say. He pulls Tsukasa by the arm and rests the blond against his chest in a comforting hug. Tsukasa’s mind blanks for a second. He feels warm again. “If we- if I ever did something as foolish and as idiotic as that. I’d let you kill me a million times over.”
“That’s a lot of times,” Tsukasa points out.
“Indeed it is.” Rui adds.
They go quiet again. Taking in the silence as they rest. Tsukasa feels Rui’s chest rise and fall against his back. It’s comforting, in a sense.
And then, the bell rings. It’s distant, confined inside the walls of the school. But it’s still loud enough to hear.
Rui opens an eye expectantly. He was sure Tsukasa was going to get up, muttering about how he ‘mustn’t be late to class’ since ‘punctuality is a virtue’. But Tsukasa didn’t move an inch.
Without words, Tsukasa had communicated that he had no intent of moving from this spot for quite some time. And Rui was perfectly fine with that. Eventually, the ringing stopped. And the blond remained in his arms.
“…are you and Saki being separated?” Rui asks with worry after remembering Tsukasa’s little sister. He knows how much they love and depend on each other. If the two were being separated, who knows what would happen?
“Thankfully not,” Tsukasa huffs, snuggling a bit closer to Rui than before. “My father has…full custody of us both. And while both my parents both have custody over our affairs like our medicines and such, we can only see our mom once or twice a month. She’s actually just moved out a few days ago.”
“It’s good that you still have Saki once the dust finally clears.”
“…yeah…” Tsukasa’s voice fades just a tad. “It’s…it’s still terrible though- I mean- even with Saki- I just- I-“ Tsukasa blinks. “No. This is stupid. Forget I said anything-“
“No- no- I wanna hear it.” Rui says. “You’ve clearly got a lot on your mind. I know from experience that talking out your emotions can leave you with a better conscience. I think you should consider the same. I’m here to listen, after all.”
“It’s just…” Tsukasa pauses. “Even with Saki by my side, everything has been so… difficult. I mean, I knew this was going to happen- I’d seen it coming for years and years! With Saki in the hospital and all, I had to deal with my parents and their growing hatred for each other. I expected this! And it still ruined me! Like, this foundation I built since day one was gone, just like that!”
“It was really hard to adjust to everything. And it still is, even after they agreed on a divorce settlement. Before they did, every single day leading up to it was just…a nightmare! First of all, me and Saki were spending more time together, as you could probably tell, because we didn’t know if we were going to be separated or not. Second of all, just, all the stress! It was so stressful! Having to deal with my parents yelling on and on, and Saki crying her eyes out as they argued outside our rooms. On top of schoolwork, and having to put on this stupid facade so nobody would worry about me- and you guys and the show!” He runs a hand down his face. “These last few weeks have been a literal hell.”
“And, Rui. A part of me still wants them to be together. So none of this would’ve happened, and I wouldn’t have to be so miserable …but, then I know they wouldn’t be happy. And all I want is for them to be happy. Saki too. Even if it kills me on the inside.”
Once Tsukasa finished his lengthy story, he looked up at Rui from his spot on his chest, and saw the boy blanked out, clearly trying to process all this sudden information. When Rui finally came back to his senses, he looked down at Tsukasa and met his gaze with a sympathetic smile.
“You’re an amazing person, Tsukasa,” is all Rui can say. And to Tsukasa, that is enough.
He’s praising him. Even if it’s just five words, he knows Rui’s full intent behind it. And Rui doesn’t need words to express that. The way he holds him closer and even presses a soft kiss onto his forehead is an indicator enough.
Suddenly, Tsukasa finds himself being pushed away from Rui’s chest. He whimpers at the lack of closeness, which makes Rui let out his signature giggle. “Miss me already, my dear star?” He helps Tsukasa onto his feet, “now you know how I felt~”
“…sorry…”
“Hm? For what?”
“For everything. For yelling at you guys, then avoiding you. And then dumping all of that emotional baggage onto you, which you didn’t have to deal with,” Tsukasa looks down at his school shoes, noticing his sad reflection staring back at him.
“Ah, Tsukasa. There’s nothing to be sorry about. You’re only being a human who has human emotions.” Rui leans down and places another kiss onto the tip of his nose, which makes Tsukasa’s cheeks engulf in red.
“And seriously, Tsukasa, I mean it. If you really need to tell us- tell me about anything this serious. There will be support every step of the way.”
Tsukasa feels a few tears slip down his cheeks with a smile. “Thank you…Rui…”
“Of course…” Rui opens up his arms, and Tsukasa falls into his chest again, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. It felt so rewarding to be in his arms after weeks trying to crawl out of the depths of hell. And it sure as hell was worth it.
Tsukasa tilts his head up and places a soft kiss onto the tip of Rui’s chin, Rui’s eyes widen in surprise, and Tsukasa’s mind starts screaming at him; calling him a fool, an idiot, pretty much any word for stupid. Rui looks so caught-off-guard. Shit.
“I-I’m so sorry!” Tsukasa tries to back out of the hug, but Rui held onto him so tight he couldn’t get away. He must’ve nonplussed him to the point that he couldn’t move. Or maybe, he just hated that kiss, yeah. Probably that. “I didn’t mean to-“
Rui shuts him up by moving his head down and connecting their lips in a loving kiss.
Tsukasa, disregarding his mere shock, closes his eyes and tilts his head just a tad as he returns the kiss. For a moment, it felt like the stars had aligned. Time seemed to stop just so they could enjoy this beautiful moment. It was perfect.
Rui pulls away, placing his palm on Tsukasa’s cheek, which is now plastered with red, same as his.
“Why don’t we go to a cafe Mizuki recommended to me earlier? I think it would be a great way of clearing your mind.”
“It’s almost like you’re asking me out on a date.”
“I am…”
Tsukasa blinks. Eyes filled to the brim with love.
“I’d love that.”