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When Tommy was six, he experienced his first near-death situation. When his lungs filled with water and he couldn’t breathe. When he could see fish swimming all around him, but couldn’t do anything to save him.
Even after it was over, even after he was saved, he would still have terrible terrible nightmares of that night, when he and his family were travelling by boat (Tommy wanted to see if the stars were more beautiful in the open sea. That was the only reason – and he was right: they were as beautiful as his mother's eyes) and his stupid little brain had the amazing idea of proving to Wilbur, his brother, that he could swim by himself.
Yes, he would have such horrible nightmares that left him gasping for air as he woke up. But also, there were sometimes – sometimes when the nightmare didn’t end with him being left to drown by his brother, but with him encountering a creature, deep in the sea – like a goddess –, and he would abandon everything he had and everyone he loved to follow it. It was mesmerizing – impossible, if he dared to say, for such a beautiful thing to exist.
And it would stay that way. It would stay nonexistent as soon as Tommy steps away from the shore, for he knew it would never appear to him. The fear of drowning, the fear of the sea itself – as long as Tommy dreaded the ocean, it would never exist again.
Then, when he was twelve, his second near-death experience came into play. And with it, came the fear of heights.
It wasn’t an accident. Someone pushed Tommy off the bridge.
What?! Are you sure, Techno? Why–
I don’t know why, but… it feels as though the world's against Tommy. And I want to protect him, dad.
We all want to.
Tommy didn’t understand, but it seemed as if the world wanted him dead.
It really wasn’t an accident. Tommy felt something in his back before he fell, before Techno was grasping at his shirt, desperate to get him to stable ground. Something diabolic. Something evil, that shouldn't exist.
Much like…
The world is full of wonders, don'tcha think?
The dreams that follow his trauma aren't bad ones. This time, when he falls, he flies. Much like that one moment when your feet are off the ground and the adrenaline hits after jumping on a trampoline – that moment of levity, when you feel like you can fly. That was the feeling ingrained in Tommy's mind. He wanted to fly.
But he didn’t want to fall like the world wanted him to.
And finally, when he was eighteen, the world finally got what it wanted.
Falling from a cliff and drowning in the sea, huh? The universe is cruel in funny ways.
Techno's nickname for him makes a lot more sense now.
For Tommy, the world should stop existing. Because if he wasn’t there, how could it exist? Much like the goddess in the sea and the demon that made him want to fly, they stopped existing as soon as Tommy ran away.
So what made the world different?
Tommy thinks it’s because a part of him is still alive.
Wilbur and Techno are still alive. And Tommy doesn’t want to disappear with the world when his brothers are there. Because he loves them more than he hates the world.
And his feelings for them are enough to keep the universe together.
Do you think Tommy hates us?
No.
I don’t know, Wil.
He would never hate them.
I couldn’t save him this time–
None of us knew it would happen. Don’t blame yourself for things you can’t control, Wil.
…
Thanks, Techno.
And Tommy was happy. Because his brothers were still alive. As long as Tommy stayed there, they would exist.
And that was the best wonder he could ask for.