I Know Girls

by PotentiallyLovely

Summary:

Odd, self-conscious Evie is one of the human females that find themselves creating a home on the shores of Not-Hoth. Even after a dozen males arrive from the island, she has not resonated and isn't sure it will ever happen.

When a hunter from Tall Horn clan begins to show her attention, she finds it hard to believe that he's genuinely interested in her and not just interested in an easy lay. Can N'mir show her that she's just as worthy as any other female?

Chapter 1

Evie

Devi’s resonated.

I’m happy for her, I swear. But as I watch her and the newly mobile N’dek canoodle by the fire, I feel a stab of jealousy too. Since awakening on Not-Hoth with the others, Devi and I had gravitated to one another, being two of the most educated and scientifically inclined humans on the planet. Not that I can compare to Devi who is a literal scientist. I’m just a big nerd that likes playing with dead things as much as she does.

During that first month on the planet, resonance had been the last thing on my mind. With only five males and seventeen of us females, the odds were not in my favor. Not to mention, we were more worried about survival than getting some good alien dick. At least I was anyway. A few of the women were pretty enamored with the idea of soulmates.

And once Lauren and Mari showed up with a dozen more men, I started to see the appeal as well. Maybe there would be a man for me too. Maybe somebody would whisk me into their furs and call me their ‘pretty mate’ while making me scream every night. But that hasn’t happened. After months and seven newly mated couples, I’m still alone and the closest thing I’ve got to a BFF is off making babies.

I suspect it may be the birth control implant in my arm. It’s supposed to last three years, but I’m not totally sure how many have passed since my abduction and my awakening. It may have expired long ago and have nothing to do with my silent khui. Part of me is tempted to cut it out and see how it goes, but another part of me is afraid of what will happen when I do. I see it going two possible ways.

Option one, I cut it out and nothing happens. I remain alone and I no longer have anything to blame but myself.

Option two, I cut it out and resonate and live happily ever after.

But would it really be a happily ever after? None of the males have expressed any interest in me. I don’t have a posse of groupies like flirty Tia or Bridget. In fact, some have actively avoided me.

I think back to Tia’s infamous game of spin the bottle. I don’t know why I bothered playing. I knew nothing good would come of it. Angie had stormed off with the twins following close behind and each of the males in the circle had started declaring which female they wanted to mouth-mate with. Surprise, surprise, I was not one of their choices. And when it was time for Sessah to kiss me, he had refused, claiming he would only kiss Tia. Which is fine. Totally fine. I don’t want to kiss little baby Sessah that’s like ten years younger than me anyway. But it’s hard being short and chubby and acne-scarred on a planet full of barbarian hotties and their mates that all look like super-models. Or in the case of some of the girls, buxom bar wenches. Either way I’ve got little tits and bad skin.

I give myself a little shake, trying to dispel my self-pitying thoughts. Who is to say what is good and what is bad? I repeat my mantra. Whatever will happen will happen and any sort of control I think I have is just an illusion.

My fingers itch for something to fidget with. For the millionth time, I wish I had my old rings and necklaces for me to play with when I’m anxious. I bet I could make a necklace out of seeds or bones. Now that I think about it, that’s not a bad idea. I’ll look into it in the morning I decide. There isn’t much in the way of property here, but without a mate to bring me kills, I can’t just take whatever I want from the communal supply.

N’mir

“Namir!” a voice calls out. I turn to see the colorful female, ‘Vee approaching me as I make my way out of camp. She jogs to catch up and I stop so that she will not need to run so far. I am amazed at how slow she is. Leezh’s youngest kit could probably outpace her in another full turn of the seasons. “Namir,” she huffs as she reaches me, she does not say my name properly, but I do not correct her. The humans have trouble with many of our names and I have learned that it is not meant to disrespect. “Are you going hunting?” she asks me breathless. Wordless, I hold up my spear and watch as her mouth tenses and her eyes quickly avert themselves, “Well duh, of course you’re going hunting. Where else would you be going to alone in the snow with a spear?” She laughs but I do not sense amusement in her tone.

“Can I ask you a favor?” she continues before I can answer either way, “If you happen to catch any hoppers or snow cats or anything else without hooves, could you bring them for me to clean? I’d like all the tiny finger bones and whatnot. Not that you have to go out of your way to hunt those specific animals, that would be crazy. But if you just happen to find some, I could do all the gross work of dressing them in exchange for a few measly bones. That seems fair right?”  Her eyes meet mine again in a hopeful plea.

I am stunned at her request. Partially because it is more than fair; hours of bleeding and skinning and gutting in exchange for a handful of bones? But also because I have never heard ‘Vee speak for so long in the many months since we came to this shore. And I would have noticed. I have watched her since our first day here.

When we first arrived from the island, I had been overwhelmed by the sheer number of females available to us. I had been convinced that my khui would sing out at once, much like my clanmate M’tok. But it had not happened. I had wandered amongst the females hoping I might feel drawn to one in particular, but still nothing happened. No single female caught my attention and I had returned to my brothers alone.

That evening, ‘Vee fell into the ocean. Why she was anywhere near it, I do not know. But she came out sputtering and shivering and cursing in her strange language. The other females rushed to her side with fresh pelts, helping her to peel off her soaked leathers.

Nudity is not uncommon amongst my people, but the human females are a shy and modest race, always shrouded in layers. And this was my first time seeing one in any state of undress. Her clanmates managed to hide much of her from my view, but the little I saw piqued my curiosity.

She was covered in pictures.

Much like the strange Mardok, but different as well. Unlike his amorphous black designs, hers were brightly colored and covered much more of her pale body. Did all the females have these pictures? I began to watch her and the others closely but found no evidence that any of the others had these designs as well. Even after coming to this conclusion, I continued to observe her. And with my observations came some realizations.

‘Vee is uncomfortable within her own clan. They are not cruel to her, but D’vi is the only one that speaks to her for pleasure. I believe the other females find the pair’s lack of squeamishness odd. They are confused by D’vi’s interest in the sea creatures and ‘Vee’s participation in her ventures. I do not understand what they are doing myself, but I am not bothered by it. I have seen that she is hard-working and kind. And what more can one ask for in a clanmate?

“Do you need them?” ‘Vee asks me, a confused little line wrinkling her brow, “The bones I mean. If you need them, I don’t want to take them from you. I just thought they weren’t as useful as the larger bones so you wouldn’t miss them.”

“I will bring you the bones you ask for,” I say looking down at her upturned face. She is one of the shortest females and I tower over her in spite of being the shortest male. Her brows fly up and she gives me a wide excited smile as she bounces slightly.

She squeaks a little and flutters her hands toward me as if she would like to touch me, but stops herself, “Thanks Namir.” I feel my cheeks and the base of my horns flush in pleasure.

I will find many bones for ‘Vee.

Chapter 2

Notes:

CW: This chapter includes descriptions of the main character skinning an animal. It's not super graphic, but mentions of blood and skinning occur throughout the chapter.

Evie

N’mir brings me two hoppers that first afternoon. With eight metacarpals and eight more metatarsals each, that’s sixteen bones per hopper. If I break the metatarsals in half that gives me twenty-four per hopper and forty-eight bones in total. I need 108 beads so that means I need three more hoppers to have enough bones to fashion into beads. Doing the math in my head is soothing, but only lasts for a moment and I wish I could find some way to utilize some more complicated mathematics in my daily life. I wonder if I could help Hannah in storage and calculate rates of use…

“They have been bled.”

Startled out of my thoughts, I realize that N’mir has been standing in front of me, hoppers in hand, while I’ve been lost in my own mind. “Oh, thank you,” I give him what I hope is a normal smile and reach out to take the bodies from his grip. I know that the hunters bleed the kills before bringing them back so that the blood won’t coagulate in the cold. Maybe I could find a way to use it?

I carry the bodies away from the center of camp to keep the mess away from the others. Sitting on a relatively flat area, I pull a bone knife from a poorly crafted holster on my hip and make a shallow cut from stomach to throat, making sure not to pierce too deeply. Next is the part that had earned me my off-putting reputation in camp. Setting down the knife, I work my fingers under the skin and begin to loosen it little by little.

I hadn’t any experience with this sort of stuff before my alien abduction, and neither had the other girls that woke with me. By this point, months down the line, everyone had pretty much come to terms with the fact that living on a neolithic planet meant scraping bloody pelts and using a makeshift outhouse. But at the beginning, I had leapt at the chance for some familiarity. I was a funeral director in my past life and regularly cut out pacemakers and located arteries for embalming. I volunteered for the bloodiest work and helped Devi dissect creatures on the shore. This had cemented my permanent categorization in the weirdo, approach with caution category.

The males were less bothered by my enthusiasm, to them it was just work that had to be done.

“What are they for?”

Startled again, I found N’mir seated next to me, watching my progress, “Hmm?”

“Why do you want the bones?” he asks and nods that the corpse in my hands.

“I’m making a necklace.” Do the sa-khui have necklaces? Of course they have necklaces. Am I some intergalactic racist for thinking they may be too primitive for jewelry? I look to N’mir, but he gives no indication that he understands what I’ve said.

“Why?”

“I’m making mala beads,” I say knowing he’ll have no idea what I’m talking about. “I use them for thinking.” Which is an insane oversimplification, but I don’t know how to even begin explaining religion to an alien George of the Jungle.

“Why would you need beads for thinking?” He asks, seeming genuinely perplexed.

So many why’s.

“My mind is…” I struggle to find a word that won’t lead to confusion. Hyper? Active? Easily distracted? “Busy.” I settle on, “My mind is busy. If I have something to hold and count, it helps me focus.”

N’mir is silent for a moment. He seems to really be considering what I’ve said. I take a moment to study him. I’ve never paid much mind to the males; at the beginning they had all blended together. The island tribes had more distinctive features, but even then, the members of each clan had all looked the same to me.

N’mir had always stood apart though.

Which may have been why I had approached him for this task in the first place. Unlike many of the sa-khui, he was built more like a tall basketball player rather than a big-ass football player or wrestler. He was lean and angular, with long horns that sloped backward and curled up at the ends, reminding me of east Asian dragons. Despite still outmatching any human man in size, he was the least intimidating of the blue aliens.

“This busyness,” he begins, “it distresses you?” His un-plated brow furrows slightly, like he is troubled by the idea of my distress.

“It can I guess,” the lower half of the fur is ready to be pulled from the hopper’s hind legs and I give it a yank, “I need a lot of mental and physical stimulation to keep me occupied. If I don’t have it, I can become agitated.”

“This stimulation you need, you do not have it here?” My eyes widen at the double entendre within his words, but when I meet his gaze, I find him absolutely guileless in his innocent curiosity. At my silence he continues, “Perhaps I could assist in stimulating you?” I inhale so sharply I choke, and I must look frightened because he rushes to reassure me, “I am sure that I can do this. How would you stimulate yourself at home?”

I’m dying. I can’t do this.

Wheezing, I attempt to give him a straight answer, “Um, with all the work that needs to be done here, I’m always pretty, uh, physically occupied.” I stare intently at my fingers shifting beneath the bloody skin in my hands, “But back home I have friends to talk to, classes to attend, and hobbies like painting or reading. Most of those aren’t really an option for me here.” I think wistfully of Devi and I discussing the differing phenotypes of the creatures on the beach and debating whether the selection of their genotypes would work similarly to organisms on Earth. I hope that after enough time has passed, I can integrate myself back into her morning expeditions without feeling like a third wheel.

“If you would like,” N’mir offers carefully, “you may speak to me.”

I can’t help it, but my knee-jerk reaction is suspicion. After months of absolutely no interest from any of the males, the remaining few must be getting desperate to consider me. Did he take my request this morning as some sort of overture? Does he think I’ll be all too eager to fall into the furs with him because no one else will have me?

I’m suddenly hyperaware of my gray hairs and pockmarks. I think of Flor, who is older than me but still slender and smooth-skinned and I’m bitterly jealous.

And then my suspicion fades. Of course, he’s not interested in me in that way. Why would he be? He’s just being kind and I’m being stupid. N’mir will be a wonderful friend.

 

N’mir

I observe the tiny female seated beside me; hands covered in blood. She appears to be lost in thought again. In the short time we have interacted, this has happened many times already.

Her mind must be very busy indeed.

I think of the things she described doing before she came here. My translator gives me only a very vague idea of what “classes” or “reading” mean, but I can tell they are things that do not exist in this world. It makes me think of all I have lost since the first and second eruptions of the Great Smoking Mountain, the fruit and flowers and clanmates, but it feels selfish. ‘Vee has lost her entire family, her planet, everything that ever brought her joy. I at least have my clan to grieve with. She must be lonely with D’vi lost to the throes of resonance.

Perhaps she would not like speaking to me though. The humans know so much more of the universe than we do, much like Mardok, and ‘Vee is one of the cleverest of the females. Perhaps I do not have much in the way of conversation to offer her.

“Yeah, sure Namir. Thank you for offering.” She smiles up at me, but there is something wrong with it. It is not like the one she had gifted me this morning, the one that had been accompanied by squeaking and bouncing and fluttering. But I do not question it. She has accepted my suggestion of friendship and I do not want to sow doubt. I try to distract her. “How many more bones do you need?”

It works. She perks up at the question and slits the belly of the second hopper, “If they’re hoppers I need three more. If they’re snow cats, I’m not sure. They’re quite a bit bigger, so I may be able to cut their metatarsals into thirds. Then I’d need,” she pauses for a moment, “two.” She finishes. “Though, now that I think about it, snow cats aren’t the best meat. And they’re more dangerous to hunt. So best to stick with hoppers I guess. I wouldn’t want you getting hurt because of me.”

I huff. As if a snow cat could harm me. I have killed kaari bigger than ‘Vee. And yet, my heart swells at the idea of her fretting over my safety. I imagine catching a snow cat for her anyway, her hands caressing the soft white fur before she skins it. Or better yet, caressing the soft fur of a cloak lined with it. Knowing she is warm because of me. The thought pleases me. Perhaps she and I will resonate. Maybe this is the “knowing” that others have spoken of before resonance.

I stare at ‘Vee as she works, waiting like I did all those months ago, waiting for my khui to do something. But nothing happens. It was foolish of me to hope. If every male that looked fondly at a female resonated, then none of us would be alone. I watch her anyway, admiring how small and soft she looks, like a little hopper herself. Pale and pink-nosed like one as well. Cute.

I smile, “Tell me more about these beads.”

Notes:

This is as close to a self-insert fic as I've ever written. Evie is not exactly like me, but she has a lot of the same self-esteem issues I do and some of the tactics she uses to combat these issues are ones that I use. On that note, there will be mentions of Buddhism and mindfulness in here, but it's not a religious story.

Anyway, this fic is just going to be incredibly self-indulgent (just like all of Ruby Dixon's books) because I just want fun alien smut with a neurodivergent and unconventionally attractive lead.