Chapter Text
Soobin had never been into idol music, but the moment the music video for ‘One Night, I Dreamt I Grew a Tail’ came up on autoplay while he was washing the dishes (and thus unable to skip it), he couldn’t help but take note of exactly two things: first, that the title of a k-pop song could be this overly long and complicated; and second, that a member of a rookie boy group could so easily enchant him and steal his heart.
A Naver search and YouTube crawl later, Soobin was officially hooked.
Seven years had passed since that fateful day, and now he was considered one of the most established fansites of SMS’s maknae and main vocalist, Huening Kai.
As far as fansites went, Soobin prided himself as one of, if not the best: one who fully respected the boundaries of idol and fan. He’d never once appeared during a private schedule, had always maintained a professional attitude when capturing photos, and didn’t feel entitled to any information beyond what’d been provided by the company, the group, and Kai himself during interviews, variety shows, and lives.
It didn’t take much effort, if he were being honest. Soobin wasn’t one to easily give in to such frivolous desires, anyway; not one to make such attempts to grow closer to someone he was already content with admiring from afar, from a safe distance. Kai was already fairly amicable with him at that point, Soobin having attended every local fanmeeting the group had held, and even some outside of the country. As comfortable as their interactions were, there was never the need to know Kai ‘on a more personal level,’ an urge that he’d observed so often plagued the fandom.
Never mind that Kai always called him by his name now, with an affectionate 'hyung' attached.
Never mind that Kai had kept all the plushies he’d gifted him over the years, even naming one after him.
Never mind that every time he got to the front row during music show pre-recordings, he could feel Kai’s eyes searching for his figure in the audience.
So, maybe Soobin did feel a little special. Still, he was a man of self-control; hence, he was completely satisfied with their current level of familiarity, and had so far remained loyal throughout Kai’s career.
Even when Kai announced that he was going solo, he stayed. He followed. Huening Kai, main vocalist of popular idol group SMS, has decided not to renew his contract with Top Bop Entertainment, the headline read. Mr. Huening’s team believes that it’s in his best interest… a successful role that put him on the radar of broadcast stations… for career growth, the article was littered with those phrases, and Soobin wore a smile the entire time he read the webpage.
Soobin had always seen that coming, of course. Most fans who weren’t delusional or in denial (or both) knew that as soon as Kai’s latest drama had skyrocketed in ratings, the end term of his contract close by, that he’d leave the group the following year.
Some dumbasses in the comments called Kai an ungrateful bastard, unprofessional even. Such misplaced anger, Soobin thought. Those people had no idea what they were talking about. Soobin knew that SMS had been dragging Kai down ever since they hit their sophomore album, the other four members like dead weight clinging to a star. Kai carried their sales on his back, and in fact, it was his former company and bandmates who should be grateful that he even finished his initial term with them at all.
So when Kai left, Soobin was nothing but proud of him, and naturally excited for whatever career path he was to take.
He couldn’t have possibly predicted the sort of misfortune that would befall his beloved idol in the year that followed, however. That was: two canceled dramas caused by a flurry of scandals—first, by his castmate who was outed as a delinquent during high school; and second, by Kai himself when he was caught with an amount of weed at the airport coming back from shooting in the States. He got off easily, thanks to his team (and—Soobin liked to think so—thanks to him praying every single goddamned night for him to be granted a pardon), but the damage had been done and the entire fiasco put a dent on Kai’s fledgling career as an actor.
Still, Soobin stayed, even as Kai continued to spiral down, losing sponsors and endorsements one after the other. He stayed, even as Kai walked down the road of self-destruction, getting caught in clubs drinking more than twice his weight and picking fights. He stayed, even when bigger fansites like '02 Zone' and 'August Rush' finally packed up and left.
Here he was—'Perfect Hue'—still hanging on, no matter how thin the final thread connecting him to Kai seemed to be. Perhaps, he thought, that there was still hope for the man, no matter how far gone he seemed to be now.
Then, one day, word came that Kai’s next big project wasn’t going to be a drama, or a commercial, but a film. Soobin’s heart all but burst in his chest at the rumor. Finally, he thought; this would be their Kai’s big break. He thanked whatever heavens existed that some exec had given Kai a chance, and he patiently waited for more information to come out as the following weeks rolled by.
Details were revealed so slowly, as if it was this huge secret that no one—not even the most trusted of fans (Soobin)—could be in on.
Soobin was getting so antsy and impatient that he eventually fell back to using insider (i.e. sasaeng) information for his fix of Kai updates. So much for self-control, he thought. He hated himself for falling prey to such whims, but all that shame disappeared once he found out that Netflix was the company producing Kai’s feature film debut, and it was to be filmed and set in the USA.
Fuck, Netflix? USA? Those were huge. It was perfect. Kai was beyond the Korean industry and its close-minded boundaries anyway. He only deserved the best.
He definitely didn’t deserve the cancellation that came next, however. Soobin and his sources knew it before the official announcement. The producers had apparently deemed the source material—an episodic webcomic with a small cult following—too obscure and thus less lucrative than they had originally thought.
Well. Fuck Netflix. It’s their loss. Whatever, Soobin was sure Kai would be getting more offers soon. Or he’d be going to auditions, and surely land a bigger role with a better deal.
Months passed without much happening—a few radio appearances here and there, some vlog collaborations with mid content creators—and a small seed of doubt started to sprout in Soobin’s mind. Nevertheless, he stayed and continued showing his support, watching every Instagram live Kai did, sending him handwritten letters pouring out his undying devotion. Nothing could break his belief in him, not when they’d been through so much already.
Except, it seemed, when Kai’s team announced that he finally got casted in another film—a humble indie production, according to the first news article. A different, more mature role, the second one read. Both vague yet alarming statements. But Soobin soon discovered the concrete truth: the director set to lead the film was Kang Sejong, a controversial figure known for his erotic filmography—in short, soft porn.
So Kai was resorting to filming… porn? Soobin couldn’t believe it. Huening Kai, who never dated anyone after debuting. Who still slept with a hundred plushies on his bed. Who still used the cutest emojis when posting on Twitter. That Kai? Sure, that Kai wasn’t immune to misinformed decisions every now and then, but deep down he was still that same Kai who debuted with the most angelic face, wrapped around the fluffiest oversized hoodies. There must be some sort of mistake.
And if the news were true, Soobin concluded it would be the final nail to whatever was left of Kai’s career.
Soobin decided to stay away from the group chat he had joined for ‘exclusive’ news and opted to wait for official announcements from now on instead. When the first teaser for Kai’s film—now with the title ‘Escape the Cage’—was released, his fingers shook as he pressed the play button on his screen. It was only thirty seconds long, but it managed to make Soobin’s insides churn for nights on end after watching it.
It started innocuously enough, albeit with a hint of terror as the first scene was set in a dark, dingy prison cell—presumably the titular cage. The light flickered before finally staying on to reveal a pair of men laying on a bed, bodies intertwined and… naked. Then, a cut to a close-up of their faces. Soobin gulped, Kai’s features registering in his brain—his eyelid folds, the telltale bump of his nose, the mole near his mouth as he whispered to the camera: “Hyung, once we make it out of here, we’ll be met with a strange, new world.”
The other man didn’t reply, or maybe he did, but Soobin just wasn’t paying attention. How could he, when he was so shocked at the revelation that not only was Kai starring in a porno, but he was doing a gay porno to top it all off? He hadn’t expected it at all, didn’t even think of the possibility, especially considering how the director’s prior work never hinted at anything like this.
Soobin’s mind was spinning, and it kept replaying Kai’s lips trembling under the low light, eyes furrowed as if he were about to cry. The way he looked in that scene sent a shiver down Soobin’s spine, for reasons he was yet to uncover. He was unsure of what exactly he was feeling; though he could catch glimpses of the emotions, most of them negative and unwanted. For all his insight, however, he can only come to the conclusion that he was disappointed that Kai had actually agreed to this role. It had probably been desperation, he surmised. Or maybe his manager forced it on him. Soobin never liked the guy who handled his solo activities anyway; he wouldn’t put something like that past him.
In any case, he just wished that this project would get canceled like the others.
But it never did.
And as more teasers came out and the release date drew nearer, Soobin saw his internal turmoil grow. He began slipping away, doubt turning into hatred. He was agreeing with the comments he saw online, where people called Kai a sell-out and a has-been. He found himself not caring when he missed Kai’s lives, then purposely ignoring them even if he got the notifications on time. He even seriously considered closing down as a fansite. But as he went through his files, opening his meticulously organized folders starting from Kai’s debut year as an idol—all those photos and edits and designs for merchandise—he realized that he could never let him go. He could never let this talented, precious man—whom he’d dedicated so much of his life to—to fall into the deep end. He’d never forgive himself if he did that.
Soobin stared at one of his favorite shots of Kai, during SMS’s first award show where they won ROTY, when Kai walked out of the building to the parking lot all starry-eyed and waving eagerly to fans. Soobin caught the exact moment Kai had found him, recognition apparent in his face as he smiled, Soobin zooming in and clicking the shutter at just the right second.
Soobin took a deep breath, blue light from his monitor reflecting off his face. He grazed his fingers over the screen as he recalled that fond memory, tracing the outline of Kai’s beautiful crescent eyes, then down to his magical grin. The grin that had caught him ensnared all those years ago, who still had him ensnared now. How could he possibly ever leave him, when he was nothing but a tide to the moon? As he kept staring at the screen, he felt his stomach roil, his sweatpants tenting as arousal pooled southside.
This was bad. And yet, even as he noted just how bad it was, he still set up his printer and took out a few sheets of photo paper—the glossy, expensive kind. A few clicks and dialog boxes and in his hands was a semi-HD copy of Kai’s pretty, fresh, innocent face. It was but a two-dimensional copy, nothing like the real thing, but it had to do for now.
Soobin headed to his bed and turned his lamp on, palmed at the erection growing underneath his clothes, and trained his gaze at the picture of Kai in his other hand. He tentatively slipped his dick out, fingers wrapping around the shaft as he pumped it to full hardness. With every stroke, his lust heightened, and his imagination grew wilder. He was intently focused on Kai’s features, pants growing heavier as he fucked into his fist. Those sultry, brown eyes: how far would they roll back when Soobin grabbed Kai’s hair? That dangerous, sharp nose: how hard would it have to work to breathe when Kai choked on Soobin’s cock down his throat? That erotic, pliant tongue: how beautiful would it look when Soobin filled Kai's dirty mouth with his cum?
Soobin groaned, thumbing the underside of the head of his cock, before rubbing against the slit of the tip with his precum. He was getting closer to orgasm, his balls tightening and his mind going blank, save for the scene of Kai whispering in the teaser. He closed his eyes, his brain replaying the movement of Kai’s mouth, the broken beauty in his voice. His perfect lips and perfect cheeks, the perfect hue of pretty red wrapped around Soobin’s throbbing cock.
With that image burned into his brain, Soobin gasped, his grip loosening as his cock convulsed and shot strings of sticky white that landed on the photo he was still holding tightly in his other hand. The sheet was crumpled in a few places by now, yet Kai’s face looked as perfect as ever, even more so with Soobin’s cum splattered all over it.
After a few moments, Soobin regained composure, the edges of climax still present yet fading from his body. He took his phone and watched the teaser again—this time committed to memorizing each miniscule change in Kai’s face.
“Hyung, once we make it out of here,” Kai said, and Soobin promptly hit pause—Kai's face frozen in time on the screen.
“Don’t worry, Hyuka,” he said out loud, a deep rasp in his voice, dark bangs covering his eyes. “You’ll make it out of there. Hyung’s going to help you break free.”