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In the end, Impulse won.
He looked Scar in the eyes as he punched him to death. It was over, he finally won, but he couldn’t seem to stop crying as he leaned over someone who had truly met the world to him now. He never felt lonelier.
Impulse laid his head on Scar’s chest, still warm but no heartbeat to go with it. Tears dropped onto the old marks of many other dangers that had faced that man. To think, he hurt him too. It broke him.
Every part of him wondered what to do next, on how this will end. Impulse was scared to die again, fearful of the thoughts of doing this all over again. He couldn’t seem to move though, petrified. He was stuck with his thoughts that ran far and wide.
It had been the strike of lighting that stopped it all. It was so blinding, striking him down. No pain ever settled as it immediately took his breath and life away. All that was left was the fear stucken look as Impulse laid over Scar.
Every bone in Impulse’s body ached as he rose out of the dead slumber. He didn’t open his eyes, but he became aware of his surroundings one sense at a time. He feared the thought of feeling grass beneath his arms, of the rustling of leaves in the trees as a soft wind drifted.
But, it wasn’t that. He felt covers wrapped over him, and the sound of flowing water.
It sounded so much like home.
He didn’t want to open his eyes, didn’t want this all to be wrong. What if it was a trick, what if he was back.
Impulse didn’t know how much time passed as he stayed paralyzed to the void that was his sight with the sounds of safety around him. He became more aware of other stuff around him, the warmth that his skin radiated, the panic pattern of breath, the sound of a clock on his table. The sporadic pings of notifications on his communicator that made it vibrate, feeling it deep in his brain every time. He was so overwhelmed, but so terrifyingly trapped.
It was the sound of yelling of his name that suddenly started that scared him the most, the loud footsteps on glass and concrete. He was going to die again and his body wouldn’t cooperate with him to run .
“His room is over here” It was Grian, oh gods . The memory of the third loop played in his eyes, of how angry Grian was at him, on how he had killed Scar twice.
He opened his eyes to run from it the gruesome memory.
The sight of his white ceilings caught him first, before turning his head to the decorated room, withered flowers put in a soft pink vase. He let out a shaky breath when he finally realized he was out, he was free from that god forsaken world.
The door on the other side of the room slammed open, but Impulse couldn’t see who was there. He couldn’t stop the panicking feeling that shook his nerves as painfully curled into himself. It went unnoticed of the pained groan that left him as he did.
“Impulse” a distantly familiar voice said, and it took him far too long to realize that it was Xisuma.
Only one pair of footsteps continued, walking around the bed until he was standing directly in front of him. The yellow mech suit stood in front, who soon kneeled down by Impulse’s bed and bee helmet was taken off. He met the eyes of Xisuma, who showed so much pain and regret in his eyes as he tried to control his face.
Impulse couldn’t help his own regret of causing it to pass through him as he lifted his hand to settle on X’s shoulder.
“You had us scared for a while there, Impulse. I’m so happy to see you again, my friend” X set a hand on top of his.
“I’m so sorry, I-“ Impulse felt his chest ache heavily as his face began to warm up as tears began to spill from his eyes. “I tried so hard, I didn’t know what else to do”
He felt someone sit behind him, causing him to slightly panic as he turned quickly, grabbing onto the arm of the person defensively. His eyes laid onto Zed’s face, who seemed to mirror X’s expressions.
“It’s just me Impulse. It’s just Zedaph”, Zed began to tear up as he leaned down to his friend, hugging him lightly, weary of the scar’s that littered him, suspecting more underneath. Once again, Impulse was paralyzed, feeling every emotion in his body wilt away, his brain buzzing.
He laid there for minutes, simply taking in the feeling of being cared for to fill him. With what little strength he had left he brought his arms up and around Zed, lightly squeezing him as he hid into his friend's shoulder.
“You’re safe now, you’re home” exhaustion filled him, slowly melting into his friend’s embrace. As his eyes dropped, letting sleep consume him, the last thought of Grian being their drift into his thoughts. He fell asleep.
It was many hours later that Impulse woke up again, slowly. He felt a heavy weight on his side, and slow breathing with it. He opened his eyes to a dark room, still his own but no longer overwhelming. Impulse was grateful. He looked down to a sleeping Zed, who simply leaned into him, but had Impulse’s arm wrapped into his arms.
He felt a sense of peace for the first time in so long. It scared him but he was going to take what he could get as he simply watched Zed.
The creaking of the door of the room causes Impulse to sit up, causing Zed to be startled awake. On the other side of it was Xisuma, who was talking to someone behind the wall. X turned to look and held a surprised look, before fixing his expression, smiling lightly. In his hands with a potion, regeneration from what Impulse could see.
“Didn’t expect you to be awake, sorry for not knocking” Xisuma looked back at the person on the other side of the wall before nodding and closing the door as he entered. He made his way over to the side of the bed Impulse was on, a chair was now sitting by it. Zed sat up beside him, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
“How are you feeling, Impulse?” Xisuma sat down on the chair, keeping the potion in his hands. Impulse blinked before finally taking in all the aches and pains in his body once again. He felt the many stab wounds stretch on his skin, the lava burns that trailed up his back, the arrows that seemed to still feel lodged in. He hurt but he felt so desensitized to it till now. He sat there quietly, not realizing his lack of an answer as he felt a hand take his own.
Looking down, it was Zed’s. It was so unlike his own. Zed didn’t have any scars on them. They were smooth, demortized from the many times he would clean them. They were made for experimenting, for science, for stupid little pranks, not made for killing.
The weight of a potion bottle was laid into his other hand. He looked to it, then to X who prompted him to drink it.
Impulse wasted no time to open the bottle and to swallow down the far too familiar sweetness on his tongue. The ache in his body subsided to a dull numbing. He set the bottle down in his lap, and X grabbed it from him and set it on the side table.
They quietly sat together, and Impulse felt a tension grow in the silence. And when he looked to the two of them, he knew that they had questions. He had some of his own, but the anxiety stopped him from starting it.
Xisuma started it, “Impulse, I… You were lost for a while, after the death game you all played. We don’t know where you went, or how you got back. You don’t have to do it now, but please know that we want nothing more than to help you. We need to know what happened so we can stop it from happening in the future. Again, you don’t have to say it now.”
There was something else, Impulse could feel it. Suddenly, the thought of everyone he hurt, quite literally being everyone else who was on the server, filled his mind. None of them had memories of the past loops, but the feeling that they remembered everything he did fueled the panic in him. They wanted him to confess of knowing, didn’t they? Will they ban him when he does? Will they all want him dead?
“Hey, Impulse, breathe for me. It’s okay, nothing bad is going to happen” Zed took hold of both of his hands, letting him squeeze them. “I can tell you’re thinking too much, I promise you that everything is going to get better now. I’ll be with you, you don’t have to go through this alone.”
Zed knew him so unbelievably well, he always did. The many nights they have spent together, confessing inner thoughts together. Together, with them and Tango and Skizz. He hurt them both, he didn’t deserve this. Did Zed know? Would Zed forgive him after everything he did that hurt his friends? Did he deserve forgiveness?
He found himself pushing himself off the bed, past Xisuma and Zed on adrenaline filled legs as he ran. His heart beated rapidly as he pushed the door open.
On the other side sat and stood many other Hermits, and almost everyone who had been in Third Life.
He was met face to face with Ren, who had a metal arm and no crown. He seemed spooked at the sound of the slammed door. He didn’t look at the emotion in his face before he ran. The shouts of many hermits calling out for him filled his ears, his mind wrapped them to anger, causing him to run faster.
He had to get out!
Impulse made it to the entrance of his base when he realized, more like remember, that he had no elytra and he was surrounded by the ocean. He paused, before the sounds of many footsteps filled his ears.
He couldn’t run, and he knew many of them were far better swimmers than him. Any semblance of adrenaline left his body, too weak to hold it for much longer. So, he simply turned back to everyone, ready to face his fate. To get what he deserved.
What he didn’t expect was to be pulled into a hug by someone, let alone Skizz, after everything. He always felt safe in the arms of someone who would consider his brother. Skizz had proven many times in the many years that they’ve known one another that he could read Impulse like an open book. Time and time again Skizz has been his rock, and in Third Life in the loops Skizz gave him moments of comfort. Even now, he couldn’t help but lean closer to him.
“Hey buddy, you’ve gone through a lot, haven’t you?” Skizz rubbed his back, squeezing him. Impulse heard people stop, only a few of them getting close. He looked over Skizz’s shoulder to see Tango and Zed. Zed came up and snaked his way to the left of them. Tango stood there for a moment, a sad look on his face before he moved over to his right. Both of them joined the hug.
“Everything is going to be okay”
He didn’t know if he believed them, but he held onto the small hope that it would be.
After a week, Impulse was finally able to move around freely. Scars littered his body, and memories laid heavily in his mind.
He knew he was no longer in war, no longer fighting for blood. His body just sometimes had a hard time recognizing that. Every time anyone got close, Impulse felt, well, the impulse to ready for a fight. After one of those times, Zed said the others had to as well. It was then he found out that he had been lost for seven months. That didn’t include the three months that they all had been gone.
It was a week after that that he found out that Martyn was also missing.
Xisuma had been talking to Tango in another room, but Impulse had passed by when he said it.
“Nothing on Martyn yet, at least that I know of. Ren hasn’t said anything about it either” X’s muffled voice spoke softly.
“You should ask Impulse again, they have to be connected somehow, right?” Tango said. Impulse couldn’t quite place the emotion Tango is feeling in his voice and it concerned him.
“He also mentioned that Martyn might be in a different situation entirely, Martyn’s ghost had been there on the last day, Impulse had disappeared entirely” X spoke a little louder as he said that, “I’ll ask him soon though, Impulse is still recovering.”
Impulse moved before he could hear anymore, feeling sick to his stomach suddenly. He had hurt his friends in that world, but now, now he could still be hurting Martyn.
He had to tell them, no matter how much he didn’t want to.
There was only one person that he could trust to have a chance of believing him.
Impulse went to find Skizz.
Skizz stayed on the server, with Xisuma’s permission. He had more often than not been by Impulse, but for the moments that Impulse needed alone, he would explore the base. It was huge! Impulse has out done himself once again!
Impulse had found him in the room Grian made with the parrots inside. Skizz had been petting the birds when he heard someone walking around. He poked his head out of the column and spotted Impulse, who spotted him too.
Impulse felt panicked, but channeled himself to breath properly as he got closer to his friend. But, Skizz once again saw through his facade. When he got close to Skizz, he pulled him into a hug.
The far too familiar ache in his heart of the reminder that Skizz doesn’t remember everything that happened filled him.
“What’s on your mind, Dipple Dop?” Skizz rubbed his back.
“I-“ he held a breath before speaking, “has Martyn really been gone this entire time?” It’s not what he wanted to say, but at the same time he needed it from Skizz.
Skizz had tensed up before he relaxed with a heavy breath, “Yeah, he has been.”
That was all Impulse needed. Because now there was a chance it wasn’t just him stuck, he needed to help.
“It all started when Bdubs killed me on my last life and I woke up back on day one”