Work Text:
This isn’t your first rodeo.
Sanji tugged at his tie as Nami’s words echoed in his mind. The tie-tugging was a bad habit, one he indulged in only when he was feeling particularly nervous. Nami was, as always, right; this wasn’t his first rodeo. Far from it, in fact. Sanji’d made so many television - and specifically talk show - appearances in his career that he was practically a regular. He knew this song and dance like the back of his hand. And yet…
He tugged on his tie again, hoping to loosen it enough that it’d stop feeling so damn suffocating. He knew he was going to get an earful once he stepped backstage, but he was almost looking forward to it. At least then the interview would be over.
Sanji’s eyes darted to the actor beside him, lounging comfortably and answering questions with a large, charming smile. His eyes met Sanji’s briefly before he said something that had the host and audience laughing loudly. Sanji felt something twist inside him, a petty, bitter jealousy that caught him by surprise. He remembered a time when that charming smile was directed at him, when Sanji was the one he made laugh like that.
Roronoa Zoro had been somewhat of an anomaly in Sanji’s life. They met in a coffee shop Sanji worked at, when he was still living paycheck to paycheck and trying to sell his short stories to local publications on the side. Zoro’d walked in one day, ordered a tall Americano, and quiet sheepishly asked if Sanji knew how to get to the local playhouse. His shift was just about over, so Sanji ended up walking him there. Zoro kissed him before running inside. Not on the cheek or the hand or the forehead. On the mouth . It was sudden and electrifying and Sanji had to sit down on the playhouse steps for a while just to process what had happened.
It was the first of many kisses. Sanji had known a few people that regularly tried out for local performances, so once he knew Zoro’d been cast, he made plans to be there opening night, front row. He’d planned to have Luffy and Usopp introduce them afterwards, but they didn’t need to; Zoro found him before he’d even fully left his seat and asked to buy him dinner, and that was how the best five years of Sanji’s life began.
“So, is it true?”
Sanji snapped his attention back to the host, confused as to where he was for a moment. “I’m sorry?” He said, hoping he didn’t look too much like a deer in headlights.
“Well, by now you have to know what people have been saying.”
The host was smiling at him, but over the years Sanji’d learned how to recognize when a smile was more a threat than anything. Zoro stiffened slightly beside him, no doubt noticing the same touch of malice in the gesture. Sanji sunk slightly back in his chair, trying to appear unphased by the question. “Ah,” he said, chuckling lightly. “You want to know if I’ve given up on love.”
He could see Nami in the wings, giving someone hell, which was to be expected. Nami always approved questions ahead of time, so it was clear the host was going off book.
“Don’t be ridiculous, we’ve all read your books, it’s clear you’ve refused to move on from some failed romance. That’s old news. I’m wondering about the other thing.”
Sanji furrowed his brow. “The other thing?”
“About Talk To Me ?” The host prodded. Sanji shook his head, having no clue what his first book had to do with anything. “How you don’t remember writing it?” Sanji’s blood ran cold. “Because you were black out drunk when you did?”
“I don’t…” Sanji tried to find Nami off stage, to ask for guidance, but she was clearly busy. “I wasn’t…”
“In fact, it’s possible you were black out drunk for all your books, weren’t you?”
“No, I—”
“From what I hear, you’ve got a bit of a problem .”
“Absolutely not!”
“If we’re being honest, how can we even be sure you’re actually writing these nov—“
“He writes them,” Zoro said. Sanji looked at him quickly, surprised he spoke at all. “I was there for the first one. He was sober, too.”
The studio was silent for a moment before the host leaned closer to him, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Oh? You two know each other?”
“Roommates,” Zoro said. “When I was still doing community theater, and Sanji was still writing shitty novelettes for a minor horror anthology.” He patted Sanji’s knee and gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “We go way back.”
“Y-yeah,” Sanji said. “I’ve seen all his amateur stuff.”
“Odd that you…oh. Looks like we’ll have to hear more about that after the break!”
“ What the fuck was that? ” Nami came storming on stage, but before Sanji could even think to respond Zoro was throwing an arm around his shoulders and dragging him off somewhere.
“Come on,” he said. Sanji couldn’t help but follow. They got back to Zoro’s dressing room and the actor didn’t hesitate to pull him inside. “Holy fucking hell,” he said, running his hands through his hair. “You piss her off or somethin’? She clearly has it out for you.”
“Nah, she probably just saw an opportunity to get a scoop or something. Thanks for your help back there, by the way.”
“No problem,” Zoro said, dropping into a chair.
Sanji couldn’t quite read his face, but he had a feeling he wasn’t going to be welcome for too much longer.
“So, is it true? Do you not remember writing your books?”
Irritation bubbled up in Sanji then, momentarily overwhelming any other concerns. “No, of course not! That was just the first one, and I can count on one hand the amount of people who know that! I—“
“You don’t remember writing the first one?”
Sanji tilted his head slightly. There was something in Zoro’s tone, something in the way he asked the question, that made Sanji think he was actually asking something else. What that was, however, he hadn’t a clue.
Before he could answer, Zoro’d already moved on. “No doubt we’re about to be a pretty hot topic,” he said. “We should probably get our stories straight.”
“Our stories?”
Zoro slouched down further in his seat and gave Sanji the same look he’d seen over and over again, the same cocky, self-assured smirk that made his face hot and his skin buzz. “Yeah, our stories,” Zoro said. “About how we met? What living together was like?”
“Oh.” Sanji sat across from him and shrugged. “We can tell the truth about how we met, just…maybe leave out some bits?” Zoro nodded. “And I mean it’s not like we don’t know what living together is like…we’ve got all the same stories. Leave out some details and it should all suffice. No reason to lie outright.”
“And about me being there when you wrote the novel?”
“Honestly, that one’s up to you.”
“He set a feverish pace, brow furrowed, moving like a man possessed.” Sanji raised an eyebrow and Zoro laughed. “You really don’t remember writing it? God have you even read it?”
Sanji dropped his gaze. He had not, in fact, read his first novel. He knew it was good, that it was passionate and bitter sweet and portrayed love as it often was: beautiful and bright and short lived. But that was all because he’d read reviews. He declined any offer to read portions of Talk to Me aloud and Nami made sure all questions about the book didn’t get too detailed. Still, even when they did, he knew he could answer them, because he knew what - and who - the book was about. Fictional characters painted over real-life experiences, the epitome of writing what he knew. That was why he refused to read it: he wasn’t yet ready to look at what he’d lost.
“Is that from it?” He asked.
Zoro nodded, that smirk making its way on his face again. “Yeah. One of the steamier scenes.”
“So you’ve read it.”
“Oh yeah, dozens of times. I’ve read them all, actually. They’re good,” the smirk gave way to something softer, a genuine smile that still made Sanji do the same. “Though I’m not really surprised, I always knew you were good.”
“Thank you,” Sanji said quietly. “For reading, I mean. Obviously also for the compliment but also–”
Zoro laughed. “I know what you mean, relax.” A knock sounded, pulling their attention to the door. “Ah, looks like they found us. You good to do this? I’m sure no one would fault you if not.”
“No, I’m good.” Sanji sighed. “Just got caught off guard. My fault.”
“Nah, she seemed cool at first,” Zoro said. “Switched it up real fast, surprised me, even.”
“Thank you for covering, by the way. You absolutely didn’t have to involve yourself at all, it would have been easier on you if you hadn’t.”
“Hey, it’ll probably help us both in the long run. Publicity for the movie, you know? Friends before fame, reuniting on set…people’ll eat that up.”
Sanji stopped in his tracks. “Oh. We should figure out what to tell them, about why we went our separate ways.”
“Is that how you see it?” Zoro asked. “To me it was more like, we were going the same way, and then I woke up one morning and you were just gone.”
“I left a note,” was all Sanji could think to say.
“It was three words long.”
“But they were true. ”
Zoro frowned. “If anything I ever did made you feel that way–”
“It’s not like it matters now,” Sanji said quickly. “You’ve moved on. I’m sure now that you’re in a real relationship, it’s a lot easier to see how shitty of a boyfriend I was.” He laughed, but Zoro didn’t join him.
“Moved on?”
“Yo, Zoro, let’s go. ” Franky tapped his watch. “They’re waiting for you.” He didn’t look too thrilled, likely because Zoro dropped a huge bomb without discussing it with his people first, but Sanji barely had time to ponder that before Nami was shoving her way into the dressing room.
“Sanji!” She took him by the shoulders and fixed him with a look he’d seen too many times before. “Look, that shit she pulled? Completely uncalled for. If you don’t want to go back out there, I understand, and I’ll back you. But...you should know that leaving is basically–”
“Confirming the accusations are true,” Sanji finished with a smile. “I know. I’m fine to finish the interview.”
“I’ll try to keep her off your back,” Zoro said, and Nami nodded.
“That’d be a great help, thanks.”
Sanji nodded as well. “Yeah, thanks.”
“Y’all didn’t wanna mention this to us beforehand?” Franky asked. “So we weren’t completely blindsided?”
“Probably just didn’t feel pertinent,” Nami said quickly, giving Sanji a reassuring smile. “Anyway, let’s go.”
Sanji followed them out wordlessly, thankful that Nami had stepped in. He wasn’t sure what Zoro had told his team, but Nami and Sanji had been friends long before he sent her the manuscript for Talk to Me, and as such she knew about Sanji and Zoro’s past. The two of them took their seats, their posture notably more defensive than it had been earlier, but he was sure the host would be the only one to notice. Perfect, considering the message it was sending was meant for her.
The rest of the interview went on without a hitch, and before long Sanji was getting ready to leave. A soft knock sounded at the door and he opened it happily, certain it was Nami coming to yell at him to hurry up. Instead, he was once more looking into the deep amber eyes of Roronoa Zoro.
“Damn,” Zoro laughed. “Why do you do these if you’re gonna be this happy when they’re over.”
Sanji rolled his eyes and stepped aside so Zoro could enter. “Shut up. I thought you were someone else.”
“Ah,” Zoro said. Sanji thought he heard the faintest bit of hurt in his voice but…that was likely just wishful thinking.
“Nami was looking a little antsy backstage, thought she was here to rant. I was trying to curb her anger with a little over-the-top enthusiasm.”
That made Zoro laugh louder.
“Did you…need something?” Sanji hated how the question sounded; they used to be so close, used to just spend time with each other, not really needing to say or do anything specific. It was always enough to just be close. But now…there were few things Sanji regretted more than leaving that morning.
“Yeah, actually. I had a question.” Zoro held something out to Sanji, a little sheepishly. Upon closer inspection, Sanji realised it was a - very well worn - copy of his first novel.
“Holy shit,” he said, gingerly taking the book from the actor. “How many times have you read this thing?”
“More than I’m comfortable saying out loud,” Zoro said. “It…it’s us.”
“Yeah.” Sanji ran a hand over the worn cover, a small smile on his lips. “I had a feeling, it’s why I’m scared to read it. I don’t remember writing it, who knows how raw it is. Even Nami cried.”
“Did you write the dedication with the whole book?”
“Hmm?” Sanji looked at him again, the real question dancing in his eyes. Do you remember writing the dedication? “No,” he said softly. “I wrote that after.”
Zoro nodded slowly. “Would you mind signing it?”
“Of course not.” Sanji dug in his bag for a pen before opening the book and moving to sign the inside cover.
“No,” Zoro said quickly, “not there. On the dedication page.”
Sanji flipped to that page, his eyes flicking over the words he’d written all those years ago.
For the one who always believed in me, you deserved so much better than what I was able to give.
The page was slightly warped and some of the ink had been smudged by what looked like water damage, and when he ran his fingers over the words the paper made a crinkling sound. Sanji penned a short message before signing the book, closing it tightly, and handing it back.
Zoro, thankfully, pocketed it without reading it. “Thanks.”
“Anytime. You really…I don’t know if I would have kept at it without you so…thank you.”
Zoro nodded and turned to leave. Sanji walked him to the door, wanting so, so badly to shut the door behind him so he could just lose his mind in peace, but at the last minute Zoro turned abruptly and pulled him into a hug. He seemed to cling to Sanji, like he wasn’t going to see him again, and Sanji didn’t have it in him to push him away. When he finally did step back, he couldn’t meet Sanji’s eye, but that was fine.
“You should read it,” he finally said, his voice low. “I really like how you wrote me but…you weren’t very kind to yourself.”
“You know what they say about hindsight.”
Zoro frowned. “Sanji…it’s not right. The way you wrote yourself, I mean. It’s not how I remember you.”
“Well love is blind.”
“...you really believe it, don't you? What you wrote in that note.”
“All three words.”
“Sa–”
“There you are!” Nami squeezed past Zoro and started ushering Sanji out of the room. “Sorry, hate to interrupt, but we have somewhere we need to be.” She paused for a second. “Really though, thanks for bailing him out back there, that was a huge help. We’ll see you on set, yeah?”
Zoro just nodded, and Sanji waved goodbye as he was once more ushered out to the parking lot.
“You good?” Nami asked once they were in the car. “I swear I didn’t know he’d be on today.”
“It’s fine, Nami, really. We knew we’d have to do press for the movie anyway.”
“Still…you ok?”
Sanji nodded. “Yeah.”
“Well, your schedule’s clear for the rest of the day. If you want we can just call it and you can head home?”
Another nod. “That’d be nice.” He turned to look out the window, attempting to lose himself in the bright colors of the city as it all flew by. Unfortunately the only color he seemed able to focus on was green.
“Promise me you’ll let me read your book first, before anyone else.”
Sanji laughed and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Zoro’s neck as he shuffled through the latest chapter Sanji’d thrown together. “Shut up, it’s not good enough to get published.”
“First of all,” Zoro said, turning to catch Sanji’s lips with his own, “it’s absolutely good enough to get published. All of your stories are good enough to get published, you just have to finish one. Second,” another stolen kiss, “I don’t care. Published or not, I want to be the first.”
“You will be.”
“Promise.”
“I promise. Now put that away and focus on me, I haven’t seen you all day and I’m dying.”
Zoro happily discarded the pages in favor of tackling Sanji onto the bed and kissing him feverishly. “I can’t believe I’m about to fuck a best-selling author.”
“Less talking, more doing, Marimo.”
“When you use me as inspiration for your sex scenes, make sure you spend too much time describing how handsome I am.”
“Not enough words to capture it,” Sanji said with a laugh. “But I’ll do my best.”
A shrill chirp from his phone woke Sanji from his slumber. He fumbled around a bit for the device before finally finding it and focusing on the alert on the screen.
Roronoa Zoro and Trafalgar Law spotted getting cozy during a ni…
Sanji didn’t need the rest of the headline to know what it said. Rumors about Zoro and Law weren’t anything new, but it still made Sanji feel sick every time they were caught out-and-about. He always knew he’d have to face Zoro’s next relationship someday, what with him being as famous as he was, but it was somehow worse knowing not only the actor, but also the stuntman he was dating. And because he knew both of them, he unfortunately also knew they were perfect for each other.
He slumped back on his bed and stared at the ceiling as he thought over the dream he’d had. Such a fond memory, that one; he still had the few chapters of that particular novel in a box at the top of his closet. His promise to let Zoro be his first reader had been broken, sure, but not with that book. He intended on making good on said promise with that one, should he ever finish and publish it. God, the look Nami would give him when he requested an advanced copy be sent to Zoro…he laughed just thinking about it.
Likewise, Sanji was frequently chastised by his editor for spending too much time describing the love interest’s looks during sex scenes. They were always fixed in rewrites but Sanji was never able to help himself in those first drafts. He couldn’t stop imagining how delighted Zoro would be, knowing Sanji was talking about him.
Sanji glanced at his phone, considering who he could call before his mind completely spiralled down memory lane, but no one came to mind. Instead, Sanji plugged his phone in, hugged himself close, and let himself fall apart again.
If asked, he couldn’t really pinpoint where things began to go wrong because when they started things were so good. They were practically inseparable, every free moment they had was spent together. They dated for a year before moving in together, and Sanji had never been happier. Zoro’s career took off right away, and Sanji never wasted an opportunity to tell him how proud he was. Zoro, in turn, continued to encourage Sanji to pursue his writing, that he was bound to be noticed soon. And at first, Sanji believed him.
But as time went on and Zoro’s star continued to ascend, Sanji’s remained stagnant. Zoro landed a role as a regular in a highly anticipated series, and to celebrate he got them a new apartment that was bigger, brighter, and far more expensive than their old one. Too expensive for Sanji’s meager salaries to cover, even when he pulled extra shifts. Zoro told him that was fine, that he could cover the rent and Sanji could just focus on his writing. He even suggested Sanji quit at least one of his jobs but the idea of being solely reliant on someone else made his stomach hurt. He did, however, stop pulling so many extra shifts, and let Zoro handle the brunt of the rent. In exchange, Sanji handled groceries and meals and focused more on his writing. He received his first rejection just days before getting the news that Zoro was cast in another series.
Still, he never resented Zoro. He was proud of him and took every opportunity to say so. But every day that went on with Zoro getting more and more popular was another day Sanji was holding him back. They were like a weird, real life retelling of The Last Five Years, except in this version Cathy was wildly successful and Jamie wasn’t. Nor was he an absolute dick…or at least, Sanji liked to think he wasn’t. He never cheated on Zoro or got mad at him for being successful or any of that. But Sanji saw Zoro with his peers, saw how well he fit into a world that Sanji was never going to be a part of. And maybe that’s when it started, maybe that’s when the thought first took hold.
His writing became sporadic, unreliable. He’d dive headfirst into an idea and abandon it just as quickly. Zoro still praised his writing as much as ever, but he seemed more confused by the actual stories, in trying to figure out when Sanji was writing something new or continuing something established. He continued to suggest quitting so Sanji could focus all his energy on writing and Sanji knew he was just trying to be helpful but the suggestion only served to annoy him. They’d argued about it, of course they had, all couples do, but the first and only fight they had was basically the final nail in the coffin. Sanji had been fed up with the constant suggestions to quit and snapped at Zoro, something about not rubbing his success in his face so much. Zoro, in turn, tried to explain that that wasn’t what he was doing, but Sanji wouldn’t hear it. Eventually Zoro snapped, too, and then there was no backing down for either of them. They yelled until there was nothing else to say, until they sat in silence on either side of the couch and refused to look at each other, until Zoro called a friend to meet him for drinks and left.
They didn’t talk for two days. Then, one night when they were both getting ready for bed, they apologized to each other at the same time, neither one of them able to stand the silence any longer. They fell into bed, finally finding the time to talk once they were spent and Zoro once more reassured Sanji that he was going to get his big break, he just needed to keep trying. That was when Sanji knew for certain: Zoro was too kind, too talented, too much . He deserved so much more than what Sanji had and could ever give him.
He said as much a couple weeks later, when he left in the early hours of the morning, removing every trace of him from their apartment save for the note he left on his pillow for Zoro to find in the morning.
You deserve better.
Sanji spent a lot of the time before Talk to Me was published drunk and numb. He didn’t want to think about Zoro or the things he didn’t say in the letter, how he didn’t tell him he wouldn’t ever love anyone the way he loved him, how he wished him nothing but good things in his career, how he would miss him deeply, how he hoped he’d be truly happy someday. He didn’t know if Zoro ever looked for him or tried to get in touch afterwards or if he even missed him at all, didn’t even so much as speak to their mutual friends. As far as anyone knew, Sanji was just gone.
And then one morning, hungover and hating himself, Sanji woke to about four hundred missed calls and texts from Nami, about something he’d sent her the night before. He’d panicked for a second, unsure of how big of an asshole drunk Sanji could be, but it turned out to be just a manuscript, and a good one at that. He knew there was really only one thing he could have written about, so he told Nami they could edit it however they saw fit and do with it what they wanted, but under no circumstances was he going to rewrite it.
He knew theirs was a damn good love story, regardless of how it ended, but it was still a shock to see the book garner so much praise. Talk show appearances and publishing deals started rolling in faster than Sanji could respond to them, and before he knew it he was, as Zoro predicted, a best-selling author. Talk to Me even earned Sanji a Pulitzer. Still, all he could think about was how Zoro had won his first Oscar that very night, and how they would have celebrated if things had gone differently. It would have been one for the books, that was for damn sure.
More novels followed, none of them quite so obviously about his own failed relationship, but he pulled inspiration from his memories quite often. He was quickly crowned the father of the bittersweet love story, and as such his personal love life was always called into question. More often than not, an interviewer would end by asking him if he’d given up on love, and Sanji’s answer was always just some variation of the same idea:
Of course not. Our lives, while similar, aren’t books. Our lives don’t end when our relationships do. We keep living. There’ll be more relationships, romantic or platonic, and even some of those will end. But we’ll keep going. I write my books with that in mind. The endings are bittersweet, because we always want that happily ever after, but happily ever afters aren’t any less open ended than what I write. William Shakespeare once wrote, the course of true love never did run smooth and I think there’s a lot of truth to that. So no, I haven’t given up on love, I’m just…well versed in what not to look for.
The real answer, though, was much simpler: Sanji hadn’t given up on love, because he was still in love with Zoro, had even resigned himself to always loving Zoro, even if it meant he’d be alone for the rest of his life. He wasn’t foolish enough to ask lightning to strike twice; he knew he’d given up the real thing. At the time, it felt right. At the time, it felt poetic. It was a grand gesture, made for the man he loved more than anything in the world, allowing him to find the partner he deserved, instead of forcing him to grow old with the one he had. After all, wasn’t leaving the greatest kindness Jamie showed Cathy?
But looking back…it was a stupid decision, born of insecurity and self-loathing. Their life wasn’t some warped musical, it was real. Zoro had told him he would support him, that he believed in him…he’d told him over and over again that he wanted him ! And Sanji’s thanks was disappearing into the night without a trace. Five years, thrown away because he was an absolute moron. He could only hope that Law made Zoro happy, so happy that he never spared Sanji so much as a single thought. That was what he deserved.
No one ever asked Zoro if he had any special skills. He wished they would, wished just one late night or talk show host would ask him, so he could look them dead in the eyes and say I can look into a sea of people and find the hottest man in the room in seconds. It’d make everyone laugh, he was sure, but more importantly, it would catch his attention. After all, it was Sanji who had first called it a super power, and Zoro just knew the memory would get a smile out of him.
Maybe even make him call.
But no, no one ever asked, and Sanji never called. So Zoro sat on his dumb joke, waiting for the day when he could use it to win back the love of his life.
“See what I mean? Total space cadet today.”
Zoro looked up and locked eyes with his stylist. “What?”
“Oh, how kind of you to join us,” Franky said with an eye roll. He stole a quick kiss from Zoro’s stylist (who also happened to be his wife) before punching Zoro in the shoulder. Hard. “Stop making Robin’s job harder!”
“Do you treat all your clients this way?” Zoro asked, rolling his shoulder.
“Just the ones who have blonde authors dancing in their head,” Robin said with a wink.
“Ha,” Zoro said. “Very funny.”
“Just try to play ball a little longer,” Franky said. “We’ll have you out of that chair soon.”
Zoro nodded and watched Franky’s reflection as he left, leaving him alone with Robin. Zoro watched her as she worked, impressed as always by how quickly she moved. He’d been a big enough name to garner a whole style team for a while, but…Zoro liked Robin, and Robin liked working alone. And still, Zoro didn’t spend anymore time in hair and makeup than any of his costars or fellow guests; Robin was that good. Sometimes, Zoro swore she had more than two arms, but Robin would always just giggle and ignore him when he asked.
“So,” she finally asked, “how was it? Seeing him again?”
Zoro sighed. “I mean…it was fine?”
“Who dumped who?”
“Why are you so convinced we have that kind of history?”
Robin smiled and wrapped her arms around Zoro’s shoulders. Their eyes met in the mirror, and Zoro knew instantly that he was caught. “How long have I been your stylist?”
“Since before anyone knew my name.”
“Exactly. And in all that time, do you know how many times you’ve asked me if you look ok ?”
Zoro shrugged.
“Just twice. Once, when you landed your first lead and you knew a certain blonde would be in the audience, and again last week, when that same blonde was scheduled to sit beside you.”
Zoro smiled at Robin but said nothing. He made a mental note to not ask the question he was going to ask, knowing Sanji would be on set at some point that day, and instead focused his attention on his hands. Before he could even think to indulge in one of his worse nervous habits, Robin gently smacked both his hands.
“Don’t pick,” she said, her tone scolding. “Maintaining your nails is already more work than it should be.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“And obviously I’m not going to let you out of this chair looking anything less than perfect.”
His eyes once more met Robin’s in the mirror. “You know me asking that isn’t me doubting your work, right?”
“Oh please, I’m not nearly dramatic enough to take offense to your lovesick worries.” She rubbed some kind of product between her palms before starting to work on his hair. “You know you can talk to me though, right? I won’t repeat anything.”
Zoro pondered this for a moment, before sighing. “I just…don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?”
“Anything. I…when Franky told me I wasn’t even getting an audition for this part, I pretty much expected it. I knew Sanji was involved with the film, I almost expected to be barred from it. Plus, I’m not exactly known for my dramas. But to then find out he actually requested I get an audition? That was unexpected, and I have no clue what it could mean.”
“Why does it have to mean anything?”
“I guess it doesn’t. He just…I felt him falling out of love with me. When he left, it wasn’t really a surprise. It hurt, and I was kind of angry, but I figured he was just too much of a coward to tell me he didn’t love me anymore. Maybe he thought he was doing me a weird kindness, who knows. I just never expected him of all people to go to bat for me.”
Robin was quiet as she finished up with Zoro’s hair. Then, once more wrapping her arms around his shoulders and meeting his gaze in the mirror, she smiled. “I think that you and Sanji were very young when you first started dating, and I think that whatever was going on with him when he left you is something he’s been able to handle and deal with. You’re both adults now, and as someone who was also once your friend, he probably knew it wasn’t fair for you to not get a look just because you don’t normally do dramas. He’s seen your earlier work, knows you can handle the role, and just wanted you to get your fair shot. It doesn’t need to mean more than that.”
“Yeah.”
Robin studied him for a moment. “Unless…you want it to mean more?”
Zoro dropped his gaze. “I was so angry when he left, I had this whole slew of things I wanted to say to him if I ever saw him again. But then I got my chance and all I could do was think about how much I missed him.”
“Understandable.”
“And he didn’t seem like he hated me. He seemed…I don’t know. Remember when I said I thought his first novel was dedicated to me?” Robin nodded. “I was right, it was. I had him sign my copy and he wrote that he was proud of me and he hoped I was happier.” His eyes flicked up and once more met Robin’s. “What if I was wrong? What if he didn’t stop loving me? What if he really thought he wasn’t enough?”
“I think you’ve got no way of knowing that unless you talk to him about it.” She straightened up and gave his shoulders a reassuring squeeze. “I also think they need you out there soon, so…”
“Oh, right.” He stood and gave her a hug.
“You and Sanji are completely different people now. Just…let things happen, enjoy the ride.”
Filming for the day went smoothly. The character Zoro was playing felt comfortable and familiar; he hadn’t been lying when he’d said he'd read all of Sanji’s books, and he knew which characters were based at least partly on himself. As such, it was easy to slip in and out of character; Vinsmoke Sanji characters were just where he lived.
Sanji’d been on set sporadically. His main purpose for overseeing the filming was to make tweaks here and there with the screenplay and dialogue so he was mostly off in a room somewhere, but he’d stop and watch a scene or two every now and then, and Zoro always clocked him as soon as he was present…as was his super power. They’d made eye contact a few times, and Sanji had even smiled at him, but other than that Zoro really couldn’t read him.
By the time they were finally wrapping up for the evening, Zoro was completely exhausted. He headed back to his trailer slowly, trying to decide if he was tired enough to skip dinner, or hungry enough to stay awake long enough to eat. He almost didn’t register the person sitting outside his trailer until he was practically on top of them.
Sanji smiled at him, the gesture not quite making it to his eyes. “You look tired,” he said. “Of course you do, long day. I won’t take up too much of your time, I—”
Zoro yawned loudly and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Did you need something?”
“No I…just wanted to say you did a good job today. Not that I expected anything less but…it’s different, seeing you do it live instead of just through a screen. I’m glad you got the part, it fits you.”
“It should,” Zoro said.
Sanji laughed. “Yeah, I suppose so.”
An awkward silence settled between them, neither one knowing how to continue or end the conversation. It was clear to both of them that there were things which needed to be said, things that should have been said years ago, but neither Sanji or Zoro had the energy for that conversation.
“Well, like I said you must be exhausted. I’ll get out of your hair.”
“I liked the book,” Zoro said suddenly. “ After You, Old Friend, I mean. It’s why I auditioned.”
Sanji nodded, electricity buzzing across his skin at the compliment. “Yeah? I’m glad. It kind of surprised me, it’s the furthest I’ve strayed from my normal formula but everyone seemed to eat it up. When Nami told me they wanted to turn it into a movie I didn’t believe her at first.” He chuckled. “It’s such a fun story.”
Zoro nodded. “I couldn’t put it down. Franky was sure they wouldn’t even consider me for the role, and he was irritated I wanted to go after it cuz I was offer only, but I wanted this so badly. I couldn’t see anyone else doing it.”
“Me either,” Sanji said. “I mean, he’s based on you so anyone else would have just been wrong.” The words hit Sanji too slowly, and his eyes grew wide as he realized what he’d admitted to. Zoro stared at him, his face unreadable. “I…hope that’s ok…?”
“Hmm? Oh. Yeah, no worries. You always said write what you know.” Zoro looked at his trailer before turning back to Sanji. “Do you wanna come in for a bit? Talk?”
Sanji looked at the trailer as well, letting his eyes linger for too long before clearing his throat and shaking his head. “Nami’s waiting for me.”
“Right.”
“I do want to talk, though. Maybe over coffee? My treat.”
“Sure. Yeah, let’s set something up.”
Sanji smiled, but he felt sick to his stomach. They were one have your people call my people away from being nothing more than business acquaintances, and it just wasn’t right. God, how had he managed to fuck things up so badly?
“What’s your number?”
Sanji blinked. “What?”
“Your phone number? So I can text you when I know I’m free.” Zoro had his phone out, ready to input the number. Sanji told him, reciting it from memory, and his stomach did a flip when Zoro looked at him halfway through. “You never changed it?”
Sanji shook his head. “No, it’s still the same.”
“But then why couldn’t I…”
“Oh.” Sanji dropped his gaze. “I…I’ll unblock you.”
“Did you block Luffy and Usopp, too?”
Sanji nodded.
“Why? They didn’t…they were so worried about you.”
“I’m sure,” Sanji said. “But they were your friends, too, and I didn’t want them to feel like they had to choose who they wanted to continue being friends with.”
“You know…we’re all adults. We’re capable of making our own fucking decisions.”
Sanji hung his head. “I know,” he said quietly. “It was stupid. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
Zoro sighed. “I wish you’d just t—“
“Talked to you?” Sanji finished. “Yeah, me too.”
It was quiet once more, that awkward silence hanging thick between them, before Zoro cleared his throat. “So…I’ll text you about that coffee date?”
Sanji nodded. “Yeah, ok.” He thought about it for a moment. “Actually…wait. Can I ask a question first? It’s kind of personal.”
“As long as I can ask one, as well?”
“Yeah, that seems fair.”
“Ask away.”
Sanji took a moment to organize his thoughts before taking a deep breath. “The rumors about you and Trafalgar Law…are they true?”
“No,” Zoro said quickly. “Law’s a friend, that’s it. He just got out of a shitty relationship so we’ve been hanging out more often but…we’re just friends.”
“I see.”
Zoro studied Sanji for a bit. He wanted to ask him if that’s what he’d meant when he said Zoro moved on, and why he’d vouched for him to get the role, and so many other things, but there was only one question he really, truly, needed answered.
“Your turn,” Sanji said.
“When did you stop loving me?”
Sanji’s brain seemed to completely shut down. “W…what?”
“You heard me.”
“I…” Sanji scrambled for an appropriate answer. If he was honest, he’d say he never stopped loving him, that he’d always love him no matter what. But saying that felt selfish; Zoro wasn’t asking that for any reason other than to receive the closure he absolutely deserved. Sanji didn’t want to deny him that at all…except, the thought of lying about it made him feel dirty. He went back and forth on what to say, until ultimately just opening his mouth and seeing what came out.
“I’m afraid I can’t answer that,” he finally said, devastated to learn that he was still nothing more than a fucking coward.
Zoro frowned, clearly displeased, but didn’t push the issue further. “Don’t unblock my number until you get home,” he said, his words clipped. “Mine hasn’t changed either, so just text me when it’s done.”
“Oh. O-okay.”
“Goodnight, Sanji.”
“Goodni—”
Zoro slammed the door before Sanji had even finished talking. He stood with his back against it, holding his breath as he waited for Sanji to leave.
He couldn’t believe Sanji’d dodged his question, and in such a half-assed way, too. I can’t answer that. Who says that? Irritation prickled up his spine and he clenched his fists together. He’d been honest and answered Sanji’s question, why couldn’t the author show him the same respect?
“Whatever,” Zoro mumbled, stomping through his trailer and collecting his things. “Not like I’ve spent every day since you left obsessing over what made you leave me. No, don’t worry about it, it’s fine if you can’t be bothered to answer. Maybe I can’t be bothered to tell you about all the texts you’re about to receive.” He paused, wondering if those texts would actually go through, or if they were just lost forever. He hoped for the former; maybe if Sanji saw how much he’d been hurting he might actually give him some answers, maybe even hurt a little himself.
Zoro caught himself hoping for just that and gave his head a shake. Being alone with his own thoughts wasn’t good for him, but luckily he knew the perfect remedy for that. He fished his phone out of his pocket and made a quick call. “Come over,” he said, not even waiting for a hello. “I’m ordering pizza and I’ve got beer.”
“Maybe he was tired, too,” Usopp said, grabbing another slice of pizza. “It’s probably not as simple as just naming a time, maybe he just didn’t want to get into it?”
“Maybe,” Zoro mumbled.
“I’m telling you, he never stopped loving you.”
Usopp and Zoro looked at Luffy, hanging upside down over the back of the recliner as he ate.
“If that’s the case, then why’d he leave?”
“Yeah,” Usopp said. “Why leave if you’re in love?”
Luffy sighed. “He told you, in his note.”
“I still can’t believe he blocked us.” Usopp sat next to Zoro, mirroring his crossed arms and frown. “I mean, we didn’t run him off.”
“Fuck off,” Zoro snapped.
Usopp flinched slightly. “Sorry, I’m not saying you did, I just…I don’t understand why he…nevermind.”
“None of it makes sense,” Zoro said.
Luffy shrugged. “Makes sense to me. He thought he wasn’t good enough, like he said, and he dipped. He cut us off because he was worried we’d try to convince him to come back, and he wanted us to be there for you cuz he knew you’d get hurt.”
Usopp and Zoro stared at Luffy, unblinking.
“You…” Usopp furrowed his brow. “You got all that from you deserve better ?”
“No, I got all that from Reiju.” Luffy laughed. “Could you imagine if I did, though? God I’d be like, psychic or something.”
“Who’s Reiju?” Zoro asked, grabbing the back of Usopp’s shirt as he tried to slink away. “Who’s Reiju? ” He asked again.
“She’s–”
“SHUT UP, LUFFY!” Usopp yelled. “READ THE ROOM!”
Zoro yanked Usopp closer, wrapping an arm around his neck and clamping his hand over his mouth. “Luffy, who’s Reiju?”
“She’s…” Luffy’s eyes darted down to where Usopp sat, struggling in Zoro’s grasp. His eyes were wide and panicked, but for the life of him, Luffy couldn’t understand why . Zoro’d met Reiju before, hadn’t he? And even if he hadn’t, he’d dated Sanji for a long time before they broke up, he had to know who she was, right? He’d just forgotten. Yeah…that was all it was. He’d just forgotten, and Usopp was worrying over nothing…which wasn’t really a new thing for him.
“ Luffy. ”
Luffy’s gaze snapped back up and a chill ran up his spine as his eyes locked with Zoro’s.
“Who’s Reiju, and why was she able to tell you about Sanji?”
“Sanji’s sister,” Luffy said, suddenly very unsure of whether or not Zoro did know about her. “Re…remember? Sanji must have told you about her.”
Zoro’s grip on Usopp tightened slightly, causing him to whimper.
“No,” he said, “he didn’t mention her. Neither did the two of you, for that matter.”
Luffy swallowed hard, his eyes flicking to the door. It wasn’t far, he could make it if he ran, Zoro wasn’t fast, except…Luffy sighed. Except he couldn’t abandon Usopp to face Zoro’s anger on his own. “We thought you knew,” he said, sighing again. “Thought you were just too pissed to try to contact Sanji through them.”
“Them?” Zoro said, sitting up straighter.
Usopp used the moment of shock to wiggle free of the hand clamped over his mouth. “For the love of God, Luffy, shut up! ”
Zoro ignored him. “How many sisters does he have?”
“Just one,” Luffy said.
“Oh.” Zoro slumped back, finally releasing Usopp from his grasp. “So then who–”
“But he’s got three brothers.”
“ Oh come on! ” Usopp yelled as Zoro’s hand once more shot out and grabbed the back of his shirt, yanking him back within punching range.
“Three brothers?” Zoro asked, and Luffy nodded. “Older or younger?”
“Same age.”
“Luffy. ”
“They’re quadruplets.”
The room was quiet for a moment, the silence unnerving. Then, Zoro cleared his throat. “So let me get this straight. Sanji has four siblings that both of you not only know of, but know personally, correct?” The two nodded reluctantly. “And neither one of you thought to mention this to me?”
“We thought you knew!” Usopp repeated. “Who dates someone for that long and doesn’t introduce them to their family?”
“He wasn’t on good terms with his dad,” Zoro said, his voice little more than a growl. “That was all he’d tell me about his family.”
“How is that our fault?”
“That tracks, actually,” Luffy said. “He was awful to his mom and Sanji couldn’t stand it. He always begged his mom to divorce him but she couldn’t for some reason. I think it had to do with money?”
Zoro thought for a moment. “He did always say he’d use the money from his first big book to help his mom, maybe that’s what he meant.”
“Yeah! And she just got remarried recently, so I think they’re finally clear of all that.”
“Ok but…” Zoro looked at Luffy with a frown. “If you had information about Sanji, why wouldn’t you tell me sooner?”
Luffy shrugged. “You seemed over him. And you and Traffy seemed happy, I didn’t wa–”
Zoro groaned. “Law and I aren’t a thing!”
“He knows,” Usopp said, rolling his eyes. “Luffy just likes to hear you say it, he likes to know Law’s still on the marke– ow! ” He rubbed his arm and glared at Luffy. “How did you even reach over here to do that?”
Luffy’s only response was a grin.
“You’re an idiot.”
Sanji groaned and rolled onto his side, attempting to hide from Ichiji’s judgmental stare. “I know.”
“You always say you know, and then you go and do idiot stuff again. At this point I have to wonder if your I know is just you saying shut up. ”
“Nah,” Yonji said, his words muffled as he tried to eat an apple and talk at the same time. “If he wanted to say shut up, he’d say shut up.”
“He’s right,” Niji added.
“Who’s right? Me or Chiji?”
“Chiji or me,” Niji corrected.
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t answer my question, either!”
“Both of you, shut up!” Sanji snapped.
There was a beat of silence before Niji & Yonji said, at the same time, “see?”
“Oh my god.” Sanji buried his head in the couch cushions. “I hate you all.”
Ichiji sighed. “I don’t understand why you couldn’t just say I never stopped loving you. It’s really not that hard.”
“Because it’s not fair to him. I’m the one who left, I’m the one who hurt him. I don’t get to just reopen those wounds again.
“But isn’t that what you did? Coming back into his life? Refusing to give him closure? What is that if not reopening old wounds?”
“He has a point,” Niji said.
“I don’t know,” Yonji said, “I think I’m with Sanji on this one. Saying he still loved him would be worse.”
“How do you figure?” Niji asked. “Admitting he loves him would give Zoro the power to hurt him the way he was hurt; denying him that is just as bad as disappearing into the night.”
“Right, but Sanji wasn’t trying to hurt him, he was helping him.”
“So you agree that Sanji didn’t deserve him?”
“That’s not what I said!”
“Sure sounded like it.”
“Sanji!” Yonji turned to him with large, pleading eyes. “You know I don’t think that, right?”
“Yes, I know. You’re fine.”
“See?”
“See what ? All I said was–”
The two continued to argue as Ichiji moved to sit next to Sanji on the couch, lightly tapping his legs so he’d move them. “Why are you doing this to yourself? Getting him cast in your movie, meeting him for coffee…what’s the goal?”
Sanji shrugged. “I guess I just…I don’t know.”
“You don’t owe him any answers,” Ichiji said. “You left a note, you’re both living your own lives now. So why do this?”
“I do owe him answers,” Sanji said, slightly offended. “We had a whole life together, plans for the future even, and I just threw it all away. Answers are just the first of many, many things I owe him.”
“So then why deny him them when he asks?”
Sanji hung his head. “I just didn’t know what to say.”
“Tell him the truth. Tell him you still love him.”
“And then what?”
“And then he accepts it or he rejects it, and the world keeps spinning.”
“What if it doesn’t, though?”
“Logically, whatever happens can’t be that bad. I mean, you already left him.”
“I know that,” Sanji snapped.
“No.” Ichiji sighed. “Sanji, you left him. It destroyed you, took the three of us days to get you to even leave your room. But you survived. If you can survive cutting him out of your life, you can survive rejection, too, and then you can both move on. You both need this.”
“Yeah…”
“So set it up. And don’t blind side him, tell him right away that you have something important to tell him.”
A soft knock at the entryway caught their attention, and they both turned to see a mildly concerned Reiju. “Why’s Yonji trying to kill Niji this time?”
“Usual stuff,” Sanji said.
“Mom said breakfast’s ready, and pop said to stop moping, eggplant, it makes your face look stupid.”
“Why did I ever think I’d get any sympathy from you people?”
Reiju shrugged. “Oh, Luffy texted me this morning.”
Sanji’s eyes widened slightly. “You still talk to Luffy?”
“Of course, we all do.” Sanji looked at his brothers, who all nodded. “Just because you had a crisis and cut him off doesn’t mean we all did. He’s funny. Anyway, I’m a little hurt that you never told Roronoa about us. Luffy said he was completely shocked to hear you had siblings at all!”
“Father was still in the picture when Zoro and I were together, I didn’t know if any of you wanted anything to do with me at that point. It was easier to just not tell him.”
“Yeah, well, you cost us the chance to be friends with a real celebrity, you little shit!” Reiju reached over and tousled Sanji’s hair, making him laugh as he struggled to get away.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“Well, you get to live this time , little brother, but only because I invited him over for breakfast.”
Sanji’s heart plummeted as he yanked out of his sister’s grasp. “You what?”
“This could be good,” Ichiji started, but Sanji was already spiralling into panic mode.
“Why would you do that?”
“I wanna meet him,” Reiju said with a shrug.
“At the expense of your brother’s health?”
“Need I remind you that you failed to tell your super serious boyfriend about us? Hmm?”
“The punishment far outweighs the crime!” Sanji yelled.
“I have to agree with him,” Ichiji said with a slight nod. “This was a bit much.”
“Oh my god, pick a side. And you,” she said, directing her attention back to Sanji, “you don’t have to come to breakfast, I’ll tell mom you’re sick.”
Sanji pouted. “You’re literally choosing a celebrity over your own brother.”
“I would have told my celebrity boyfriend about you ,” Reiju said, still feigning hurt.
“Yeah!” Yonji piped up. “My boyfriend knows all about you guys!”
Everyone turned to Yonji, their faces unreadable.
“Who said you could get a boyfriend?” Niji asked.
“I’m an adult, I don’t need permission!”
Ichiji folded his arms. “Yes you fucking do. Who is this prick, anyway?”
“He’s nice ,” Yonji said, standing to his full height. “He’s really nice and I really like him so you’re never meeting him.”
“Oh my god,” Niji said, clearly trying not to laugh. “You’re talking about that waiter, aren’t you? The one with the scar on his face?” When Yonji didn’t answer, Niji laughed. “False alarm, he doesn’t actually have a boyfriend, he’s just hopelessly in love with this wait–”
“He is too my boyfriend! He asked me out last week!”
“He thinks the guy’s proposing every time he checks up on our table.”
Yonji’s face was bright red and he looked on the verge of tears. “That’s not true! I just said he checks on us a lot and maybe that means he likes me! A-and I was right! He does!”
“You don’t even know his name.”
“Yes I do, it’s Sabo! And I know he’s Luffy’s big brother.”
“Luffy doesn’t have a brother,” Reiju said.
“Yes he does,” Sanji said quickly. “He has two brothers.”
Yonji nodded. “Ace and Sabo .”
Everyone looked to Sanji for confirmation. He nodded.
“Does no one talk about their family in this fucking city?”
“I’ve still yet to hear who gave you permission to date anyone,” Ichiji said.
“Sanji didn’t need permission to date Zoro!”
“Sanji isn’t the baby of the family,” Sanji said with a shrug. “Sorry little bro.”
“You’re thirty seconds older than me, if that.”
“Thirty seconds is thirty seconds,” Niji said. “Guess I’m gonna have to swing by the cafe and put the fear of god into that waiter.”
Yonji paled. “Please don’t.” He turned to his oldest brother, his eyes once more pleading. “Chiji, tell him he can’t do that!”
“You can’t do that,” Ichiji said.
“Thank you.”
“Without me.”
“Oh come on!”
“Sorry, wish I could help,” Sanji said, patting Yonji on the shoulder, “but I have an ex whom I’m still in love with on his way over and I look like a horse’s ass.”
Reiju pouted. “Aw, poor thing! And there’s no time for you to get ready.”
“Bullshit.” Sanji stood quickly. “Tell mom I’ll be down in a bit.”
“She’s gonna make us wait for you!” Niji yelled as he scrambled to his feet as well. “It’s not like you have to impress him, you already broke up!”
Sanji smiled sweetly at his brother. “You know, come to think of it, I feel like I need a shower.”
“Dammit Niji!” Yonji yelled, shoving his brother.
Sanji chuckled and slipped upstairs as the two once more resumed their bickering. Reiju watched him go, a knowing smile on her lips.
“Is he really coming to breakfast?” Ichiji asked.
“Of course he is, I wouldn’t lie about that.”
“But…?”
“But maybe he’s already here. And maybe he’s waiting in his room.”
Ichiji shook his head, laughing despite himself. “I can’t tell if you’re evil, or a genius.”
“Maybe I’m both,” Reiju said with a wink. “Now come on, breakfast really is ready.”
Sanji didn’t notice him at first. It wasn’t entirely his fault, his mind was preoccupied with all the things he needed to do and all the time he didn’t have in which to do them. He beelined it for the closet, silently thanking his mother for letting him still use the space long after he’d moved out. He didn’t have anything extremely nice, but that was fine. Didn’t want to seem like he was trying too hard, after all. Something casual would be perfect, and maybe with the right pair of jeans he could—
“Oh geez, right away, huh?”
Sanji spun around quickly, shirt half off, momentarily confused as to why he couldn’t see anything. “W…what the fuck?” he managed, still trying to make sense of what was happening.
Zoro laughed, crossing the room toward him. “Here, let me help you with that.” He pulled Sanji’s shirt the rest of the way off, tossing it to the floor beside them before catching the author by the hips and pulling him closer. Sanji’s hands immediately went to Zoro’s shoulders, gripping his shirt tightly in his fists, and then they just…stared at each other. “Sorry,” Zoro said after a moment. He released his hips with a breathy laugh. “Force of habit.”
“Yeah,” Sanji whispered. He slowly released Zoro’s shirt and let his hands drop to his sides. “How…what…I’m confused.”
“Did your sister not tell you I was in here?”
Sanji groaned. “Oh she’s gonna get it. Hey do me a favor, ignore her at breakfast, yeah?”
“Why would I do that? After she was kind enough to invite me?”
“And Luffy and Usopp,” Sanji said. “Right?”
Zoro shook his head. “Just me.”
“Amazing.”
“Do you…want me to go?”
“What? No, of course not. I just…wasn’t expecting to see you so soon. I thought I’d have time to make myself at least somewhat presentable.”
“You look fine to me.” Zoro’s eyes traveled down Sanji’s body, taking him in. “More than fine, honestly.”
“Stop.” Sanji hid his face, but Zoro could see how red his cheeks and ears were. “I can’t believe you’re still pushing that lie.”
“I can’t believe you still think it’s a lie. I love how you look first thing in the morning, is that really so hard to believe?”
“Loved,” Sanji corrected.
“I didn’t misspeak.”
Sanji dropped his gaze. How, after everything that happened, could Zoro still be so open with him? Why wasn’t he more defensive, more angry? Why was he always so fucking kind ?
“You should be crueler to me,” he said, still refusing to meet Zoro’s gaze.
“Is that so?”
“Yes. Yes! That’s what I deserve, after…”
“After leaving me with nothing but a shitty note and a pillow that smelled faintly of you?”
Sanji looked at him then. “You sure you’re not the writer?”
“Positive.” Zoro laughed. “You really should read your own books.” He thought for a moment. “Actually, don’t. It’ll make writing my vows much easier if you don’t.”
“I…” Sanji couldn’t help but smile. “So you love me, just not enough to write your own vows?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, the feelings are mine, you’re just better with words.”
“You seem to be pretty good with them yourself.” Sanji dropped his gaze once more and nervously ran a hand through his hair. “I uh…unblocked you.”
“Ah. You got my texts.”
“Yeah. I’m…” He forced himself to look Zoro in the eye. Reading through those texts, seeing how panicked and hurt he got the more he realized Sanji wasn’t going to reply…it had been rough. He couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for Zoro, slowly realizing that he’d been dumped and he’d never really know why. The least Sanji could do was look him in the eye. “I’m really sorry. It’s stupid, I know, but I honestly thought you’d be glad I was gone.”
“Why? All I ever did was tell you I loved you.”
“I know.”
“Then what the fuck happened?”
“I got in my head. I convinced myself I wasn’t good enough for you, that I wasn’t gonna make it and I was just dragging you down. I didn’t fit in your world, with all your successful friends. I was just a failed writer, and every time we went anywhere or did anything, there were twenty other people who would look better on your arm, who deserved to be by your side. But instead you were stuck with me .”
“Sanji…”
“I felt awful every single day. I know I said I thought I was doing something nice for you but I wasn’t, not completely. I left because I didn’t want to feel gross and guilty anymore. I wanted you to be happy, but I wanted to be happy, too. And that just wasn’t going to happen if I hated myself for ruining your life and you just deserved so much better than someone like me.”
“That’s not entirely fair, though,” Zoro said quietly. “You stopped loving me because of something that wasn’t even true.”
“See, that…that’s not...”
“So then it was something else?” When Sanji didn’t respond, Zoro took a step closer. “Please just tell me what I did. Tell me so I can fix it .”
Sanji sighed. “You didn’t do anything.”
“You just…stopped loving me?”
Niji’s words echoed in Sanji’s mind as he willed himself to respond. At first, it was just a slow shake of the head. “No,” he said after a moment. “I never stopped loving you, Zoro. Ever. I love you just as much today as I have every day that’s come before, maybe more so. I think about you constantly, I write novel after novel about bittersweet love because I can’t imagine a happily ever after that doesn’t include you. I know I gave that up, I know—” He paused to collect himself, wiping at the tears on his cheeks. “I know it’s over between us. But I just…I can’t let you go. I was an idiot to ever leave you, I’m so sorry I caused you so much pain. I was selfish and insecure and you loved me so much and I couldn’t figure out why. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you without a proper goodbye, I’m sorry I still love you, I’m sorry I’ve made it so hard for you to move on. If I could do it over again I’d stay, I’d talk to you, I’d tell you what I was feeling because no one knew better how to calm those voices in my head. I’m just…so fucking sorry. ”
A silence settled between them, save for Sanji’s occasional sniffling. He wanted Zoro to say something - anything, really - but he didn’t want to rush him or force him or anything like that. Whatever happened next was going to be his decision; Sanji had robbed him of that for long enough.
“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Sanji nodded, but Zoro wasn’t finished. He began walking the room, taking in the pictures and awards and little pieces of Sanji’s childhood, glimpses of a life he’d been too scared to share with his boyfriend, now in the open for him to browse to his heart’s content. “Do you have any idea what that was like? Waking up and seeing that stupid fucking note?”
Sanji shook his head.
“Well it sucked. I mean…at first I didn’t really believe it. I thought it was a weird joke. But I got it eventually. You didn’t want us anymore, and I wanted to hate you for that. God, I wanted so badly to hate you, told myself if I ever got the chance I’d hurt you the way you hurt me.”
“You should,” Sanji said quietly. “You absolutely should hate me.”
“And then you have the nerve to stand there and tell me it’s over between us? Like that’s something you get to decide on your own?”
“W…what?”
“Maybe I don’t want it to be over, doesn’t my input matter?”
“Y-yes, of course it does!” Sanji frowned. “Wait, what’s happening?”
Zoro folded his arms across his chest. “We’re having an adult conversation. Wild, I know.”
Sanji smiled despite his confusion. “Is that what this is?”
“We are adults, and we’re having a conversation.”
“That’s very different from having an adult conversation.”
“You know,” Zoro said, looking away as his cheeks tinted slightly, “you should be nicer to me, considering how gracious I’m being.” He watched out of the corner of his eye as Sanji took a tentative step closer. “A lesser man wouldn’t be here right now.”
“I don’t doubt that.” Sanji took another step closer, waiting to see at what point Zoro would pull away. Why, he wasn’t sure, but suddenly the idea of testing that limit was wildly thrilling. “It’s very lucky that I fell in love with you.”
Zoro smirked. “Lucky my ass! That was by design.”
“Oh? So this was all just one big, long con?”
“Yup. I knew about every twist and turn. And you foolishly played right into my hands.”
“No place I’d rather be,” Sanji said softly. “If it’s still an option, of course. If you’re sure. ”
All the confidence seemed to leave Zoro in that moment. It was as if everything that Sanji had seen prior had been Roronoa Zoro, Academy Award winner, offer only, beloved by all, and suddenly he was just…Zoro, some guy who wandered in off the street to ask a cute boy for an americano and directions.
“Whether or not I was sure was never a question,” Zoro said. “Ball’s in your court now, you have to be sure.” He fidgeted a bit, shifting from foot to foot. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not just gonna roll over and say everything is fine, I’m gonna make you work for it. You’re gonna have to prove to me that I won’t lose you again. But…I also understand you were dealing with your own demons and things may have gone the way they did regardless of whether or not you talked to me about them. I’m just…I’m willing to try again, is all.”
“Would you still want me if I never sold another book?”
Zoro didn’t hesitate. “Of course. I loved you before you had so much as a short story in a penny dreadful. Wouldn’t you still love me if I never made another movie?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“So then…what are we even discussing?”
“I still don’t feel like I deser–”
“I think I should get to decide who’s deserving of my love, don’t you? You worry about who’s deserving of your own.”
Fresh tears threatened to fall and Sanji didn’t care if they did; he couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea of Zoro still wanting him, even after everything. Was he really that lucky? Was he actually getting a second chance?
“You’re serious? Like you actually want to try this again?”
Zoro sat on the bed with a sigh. “Yeah. I mean…like I said, it’s not gonna be as easy as just sweeping it under the rug. You’re gonna have to prove that you’re in it for real this time. But…fuck, Sanji, I miss you. Our old place felt so empty without you, I couldn’t stand it. I moved to a new place and even that doesn’t feel like home yet. I keep leaving space for you, in the bathroom, in the closet, in the bedroom…everywhere feels incomplete without you.” He clutched his shirt in his fist, just above his heart. “Especially here, as fucking cheesy as it sounds. Just like yours, my happily ever after is nonexistent without you .”
Sanji’s feet moved independent of his brain, and before he knew it he’d closed the distance between them. He straddled Zoro, burying his hands in his hair as he caught him in a searing kiss, his tears finally falling as he realized it still felt right. Zoro still felt like home. His hands felt heavy on Sanji’s waist and wherever skin met skin it burned with an intensity akin to that of the sun.
Zoro flipped them over easily, pinning Sanji as he deepened the kiss. For a wonderful, blissful, fleeting moment, nothing existed but the two of them, that kiss, and the way their bodies yearned for each other. Zoro kissed along Sanji’s jaw and down his neck, leaving a scorching trail in his wake as he once more mapped Sanji’s body with his mouth. He groaned at the taste of him and Sanji nearly lost his mind. The author begged him for more, begged him to move faster, but Zoro knew when he needed to savor something, and after everything they’d been through he’d be damned if he was gonna do anything other than exactly what he wanted.
A loud knock at the door brought them back to their senses and they sprung apart quickly, their faces deep red…though not entirely from embarrassment.
Sanji didn’t even hear his brother yelling at them to hurry the fuck up. “Shit,” he hissed. “They’re waiting for us.” He met Zoro’s eyes, recognizing the hunger in them immediately. “Dial it back, ya perv.”
“I’m not the one half naked,” Zoro said with a smirk. “And besides, I was invited over for breakfast...”
He was out in the hall in a matter of seconds, his booming laughter drowning out the sound of Sanji’s door slamming behind him.
The first time the phone rang, Zoro sent it to voicemail. He recognized the ringtone Franky had assigned himself, but he had his hands full already and Franky knew better than to interrupt him. Plus, wasn’t he on a date with Robin? Two strikes, buddy.
The second time it rang, he did the same. The suitcase was so damn full and he just couldn’t find what he was looking for, making the usually impressive vocals and guitar riffs sound more like pots and pans clanging together. Why the hell had they packed so many shoes ?
The third time it rang, he paused. Three times meant an emergency.
When Franky was supposed to be on a date with Robin .
Zoro answered the phone quickly, panic making his blood run cold. “Hey, what’s wrong? Is Robin ok? What happened?”
“What? Oh, yeah, no worries little bro, Robin’s fine. We’re both fine. Not that kind of emergency.”
“Then text me!” Zoro snapped, his relief quickly turning to anger. “You scared the shit out of me!”
“I did text you, but I figured if you were looking at your phone I wouldn’t have had to call you.”
Zoro put the phone on speaker, tossing it onto the bed as he continued digging through the suitcase. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means ,” Franky sighed on the other line, “you haven’t seen Sanji’s snapchat, have you?”
“Curly doesn’t snapchat,” Zoro said. “He hates it. He prefers his little videos.”
Franky was quiet for a while, before clearing his throat. “ Drunk Sanji snapchats, though.”
Zoro froze. “What does that mean?”
“It means his latest public story makes it very clear that drunk Sanji is at the wheel, and you should probably do something about that before Nami sees it.”
“You didn’t have to interrupt your date night for this,” Zoro said, glancing at the bathroom door. “But thank you. I’ll see what I can do.”
“Don’t thank me, Robin was the one worried about it. I thought it was funny as fuck.”
“Of course you did. Go pay attention to your wife before she realizes she married down.”
Franky laughed. “Fuck off . Hope he pukes on you.”
The line went dead before Zoro could respond, but he couldn’t refrain from flipping the phone off. He sighed, running his hands over his face, before finally heading toward the bathroom and gently knocking on the door. A cheery, melodic who is it? came from the other side, and Zoro smiled despite himself. He really was just so cute.
“It’s me, Curly, I’m coming in.”
“Finally.”
Zoro pushed the door open, his well thought out lecture dissolving into a laugh as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing. The response seemed to delight Sanji, who beamed at Zoro before leaning on the edge of the tub and beckoning him closer with the curl of a finger.
“Oh, Sanji…”
“Ye–es?”
“Why?”
“Ok.” Sanji sat up straighter. “I know it looks weird, but hear me out. You wanted me to take a bath.”
“To sober up a bit, yeah.”
“Right. But I didn’t want to take a bath.” Sanji pouted. “At least not alone.”
“And I told you I was just going to find something for you to change into and then I would join you.”
“But you were taking forever, and I couldn’t get my tie off. And then I realized, I don’t have a towel.”
“Also something I was planning on grabbing.”
Sanji pushed on as if Zoro hadn’t said anything at all. “So like, after the bath I what? Freeze to death? No sir, not tonight. I’ve waited for this night for far too long.”
“Cute.”
“So I figured, ok, what else can I do? Can’t wear the same clothes once I get out of the bath because they’re dirty. And then it hit me - you clean clothes and your body with the same thing.”
“Even I know that’s not true.”
“I mean, not if you wanna get fancy. But at the end of the day it’s all soap.”
“Ok so…” Zoro let his eyes wander, taking Sanji in completely for the first time since entering the bathroom. He’d had the sense to take his blazer off, thankfully, and to his credit, the black button up he’d worn underneath was sticking to him in all the right places. That image - his hair wet and pushed back from his forehead, tie somewhat loose and messy, shirt soaked and sticking to his skin, leaving nothing to the imagination - was going to sit nice and comfy in his mind for a while. But he couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable the already tight pants must have felt. Same with the soggy socks. And the shoes. Zoro really hoped the shoes weren’t ruined. But hey, at least he could be sure Sanji hadn’t posted a nude for all of snapchat to see. “You wash yourself, and you wash your clothes…but what’s next? When you get out your clothes are going to be soaking wet.”
Sanji’s mouth fell open in a small oh . “Ok. Hmm…this is certainly a roadblock but I'm confident we can get through this together.”
“How about this. I help you get out of that uncomfortable suit, you finish your bath while I go hang it up, and then by the time you’re done I’ll have your pajamas ready to go.”
“Hate it.” The pout was back, this time turned up to eleven. “You said you’d join me.”
“That was before I had to do laundry.” Zoro raised an eyebrow. “Come on, off with the suit. And show me what you posted to snapchat.”
Sanji pointed to his phone, now discarded on the floor, before once more struggling with his tie. Zoro lifted it over his head, placing a soft kiss on the tip of his nose, and then turned his attention to the phone. It wasn’t long before he pulled up the post: Sanji’s pants and shoes, covered in bath suds, with the caption oh my god. This was so needed.
He deleted the post with a laugh and started helping Sanji undress.
“Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.” Zoro ran a hand through Sanji’s hair, obsessed with how soft and wavy it was.
“I ruined our anniversary, I’ll never stop apologizing.”
“You didn’t ruin anything, I had fun.” Sanji looked at him, clearly not buying it, and Zoro kissed his forehead. “I mean it.” All things considered, Zoro did have fun; dinner had been extravagant and delicious, and even if Sanji’d had a little too much to drink, he was a fun drunk. And really, he preferred trying to get a playful Sanji to wind down and go to sleep over being apart.
It had only been a couple years since they both agreed to start dating again, but they were easily some of the best years of Zoro’s life. They went public with their relationship at the premiere of After You, Old Friend which had been a little rough at first, given they weren’t entirely ready. They’d chosen to do so after Law and Luffy had been spotted out together, spurring rumors of infidelity that did a number on Law mentally and emotionally. He didn’t ask them to go public or anything, but both Zoro and Sanji knew the accusations were destroying him, so when they arrived at the premiere they did so hand in hand.
They were all anyone talked about for a while. The movie performed well and both of them were liked enough that the rumors didn’t get too nasty, but there were a few that got some traction. Still, Nami and Franky handled everything quickly and quietly and all the buzz died down in no time at all.
They moved in together shortly after that and settled easily into their old routine. Zoro was offered a role in a Guillermo del Toro horror flick which he accepted before Franky had even finished talking, and as such his hours were chaotic and unpredictable. Sanji stayed on location with him, spending his alone time on the terrace and working feverishly on his next novel, and more often than not Zoro found him still typing away when he came home. He’d drag him away from the laptop, strong arm him into the shower, and fall into bed with him, naked and tired and pressing soft, sloppy, sleepy kisses into each other’s skin.
And just like that, two years had passed.
Two years of togetherness, of coming home to someone, of spending holidays in each other’s arms, of late breakfasts and early dinners and shower sex and everywhere but the shower sex and warm, lazy mornings and cozy, comforting nights. Two years of loving and being loved and adoring every minute of it.
The anniversary trip had been Sanji’s idea, proposed one sunny morning when their schedules allowed them to have breakfast at a normal breakfast-having time. They were eating quietly and out of nowhere, he just
“We’ve been together for almost two years.”
Zoro smiled at him. “Yep, next week.”
“That’s crazy. Doesn’t that seem crazy to you?”
“Our last go was five.”
“I know, but…I…it’s hard to explain.” Sanji blushed slightly. “I always knew you were the one, but I thought it was over. I can’t believe you gave me another chance. I’m just so lucky.”
“Lucky my ass. Hate to break it to you, but I did that for me . Falling in love is so much work, I didn’t wanna have to do it twice. ”
Sanji threw his napkin at him with a laugh.
The timing was perfect, Zoro wrapped up filming and Sanji needed a break from writing, so they decided to take a small vacation to properly celebrate two years together. Sanji was in charge of the actual anniversary itself, surprising Zoro the morning of with a hike through the local countryside, followed by a soak at a fancy bathhouse, a quick, impromptu stop in their hotel room, and an absolutely gorgeous dinner under the stars. Everything had gone exceptionally well, so when Sanji started tugging at his tie and downing the cabernet a little too quickly, Zoro didn’t know why.
Lying in their hotel room the next morning, playing with Sanji’s hair and reassuring him that he didn’t ruin anything, Zoro still didn’t know what he’d been so nervous about.
“I have something for you,” Sanji said. “I was supposed to give it to you last night, it meant more then. Now it’s just…stupid.”
“I’m sure I’ll love it.”
“Yeah but I had this whole thing planned, it was supposed to be special.”
“It will be. It’s from you.”
Sanji sighed and wiggled out of Zoro’s grasp, disappearing from view as he searched for the gift. When he returned to the bed, he brought a large box with him. It was heavy, the weight of it hitting the bed got Zoro’s attention quickly.
“Shit, Curly, what is that?”
“Open it.”
Zoro did as he was told, carefully untying the ribbon and removing the lid to reveal…a blank sheet of paper. “What?”
“Move the paper, idiot.”
Once more doing as he was told, this time with an exaggerated eye roll, Zoro removed the piece of paper. Underneath it was another piece of paper with the words
The Loneliest Time
by Vinsmoke Sanji
typed in crisp, black ink. Carefully, as if it would disintegrate if he moved too fast, Zoro picked that sheet up and set it aside, revealing the sheet beneath it.
For the one who always believed in me, thank you for leading me home.
Zoro continued to read, his heart hammering in his ears. His eyes filled with tears and he wiped them away quickly, not wanting to miss a single word. How long had it been since he’d been given a manuscript to read before anyone else? Absently, he reached out for Sanji’s hand, warmth spreading through his body when Sanji interlaced their fingers and pressed their palms together.
Chapter 1: Flatline
You’re listening to your heartbeat right now. Did you know that? Right now, your heart beat is pounding away in your ears, the same way it has since the day you were born but you’d never know it, because it’s gone on for so long that your mind has learned to tune it out. If your heart ever stopped beating, however, you’d notice instantly. Maybe you wouldn’t know exactly what was wrong, maybe you’d die before you ever consciously knew what had happened. But the moment, the second your heart stopped beating, the entire world would sound wrong. It would sound so wrong, you’d stall out, halt in your tracks, and spend what few beautiful moments you have left trying to figure out what’s right in front of your face. And I would know because…well, this is the story of the day my heart stopped beating.
This is also a love story.
I say this now, because it doesn’t feel like one. It feels like a sad story, a bittersweet tale of caution and woe, of learning to appreciate what you have before it’s too late. Before it’s gone. This is a love story, but it doesn’t start where most love stories start. It doesn’t even start with a beginning. It starts with an ending, with me sneaking out of the apartment I shared with the love of my life, with not but a shitty note and pillow that smelled faintly of me.
It starts, in a sense, the day my heart stopped beating. Only my heart’s name was…
Zoro sat back, wiping at his eyes as his emotions got the best of him. Sanji squeezed his hand in alarm and scooted closer.
“Oh shit, fuck, I knew it! I knew it was a shit gift, I can get you somethi—”
Zoro wrapped his arms around Sanji and squeezed him tight. “Shut up, it’s perfect. I just didn’t realize how much I missed this part.”
“Ah.” Sanji smiled softly, returning the embrace. “Me too, I loved when you read my books. So I figured why not bring it back? But like I said, it was supposed to be last night. ”
“It’s just as special now, you idiot.” He kissed Sanji hard, biting at his lip just to hear him moan. “Is it a sequel? To Talk to Me ?”
“Bite me again and maybe I’ll tell you.”
Zoro pulled him into his lap, nipping at his lips playfully before latching onto his neck. “What do I have to do to get you to guarantee you’ll tell me?”
“I’m su- fuck- sure you’ll think of s-something.” Sanji ground his hips down, hard, drawing a loud moan out of both of them. “Hey,” he said with a smirk, “I can’t believe you’re about to fuck a best-selling author.”
Zoro pulled his shirt off, pausing long enough to flex for Sanji. “Take a good look, I want sonnets written about my looks.”
Sanji traced his biceps with his mouth, kissing a trail across his shoulder, to his neck, and down his chest, attempting to leave as many marks as possible. “But thy eternal muscles shall not fade, nor lose possession of this fair author…st. Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade, when in eternal lines to time thou grow’st.” He kissed his way back up his chest, focusing once more on his neck before finally moving to his jaw. “So long as men can breathe or eyes can see…” Sanji looked him in the eye, their faces so close their lips brushed as he spoke. “I’ll let you bend me over and give it to me.”
Zoro laughed and flipped them over, pinning Sanji beneath him. “Happy anniversary, Curly.”
Sanji laughed as well, delighted and amazed and so, so grateful - as was the case every day - that Zoro had found him deserving.
“Happy anniversary, my love. May there be so many more.”