Work Text:
Miscommunication (n.)
unclear or inadequate communication.
Buck doesn’t like to jinx things but even he can admit that it has been a pretty good day. The sun has been shining, the calls have been routine and few and far between, and with the end of their shift closing in, he is lined up to spend the evening with his two favorite Diaz boys for their obligatory Friday movie night. Of course, just as often seems to happen in Buck’s life, just as things are looking up, something comes along to ruin it.
"He's just always there." He hears Eddie complain and Buck's heart immediately stops, as do his feet as he comes to a halt just behind the bunk room door.
"What do you mean?" Hen is there too, with Eddie.
"I dunno, Hen. He's Buck, you know what he's like." Eddie sounds exasperated and Buck is having flashbacks to the grocery store and you're exhausting . "He's always there, cooking us dinner, driving Chris to school, buying our groceries, sleeping on my couch."
Buck instantly wracks his brain, trying to remember the last time he slept at his loft. He knows he was there on Tuesday but that was just to water his plants and pick up an extra work shirt. He still went back to Eddie's that night, made the pasta recipe he found on Facebook, and—slept on Eddie's couch.
God, how has he not noticed? No wonder Eddie is annoyed, Buck hasn't given them a night to themselves in weeks. Eddie probably wants to spend time with his son, relax by himself, hell, do his laundry without Buck chattering away about narwhals the entire time.
Buck's heart feels like a small, fragile thing in his chest, barely beating and cold as ice. He turns on his heel and decides he’ll sleep on the couch in the loft instead. When Eddie asks him later whose vehicle they're driving home in, he apologizes and pretends that he has a meeting with his landlord that he forgot and bows out of movie night. He'll make it up to Chris later, maybe take him to the zoo next week — if Eddie's okay with that. Maybe that's still him being too much .
He ignores the pinched and confused look on Eddie's face at his dismissal and quickly shouts goodbye to the rest of the crew before ducking out to his Jeep and driving back to his loft.
The loft, not home. He hasn't referred to it in his head as home in months. Home is lego-covered floors and three pairs of shoes by the door. Home is Finding Nemo and bedtime stories and beers on the porch under the glow of the inside light. Eddie’s house has been Buck’s home for longer than he realized and now he feels like an intruder. He had carved out a space for himself without a thought about how Eddie would feel about having his home invaded. Well, Buck will not be a stowaway any longer.
The loft is cold and still when he unlocks the door, kicking the pile of junk mail and bills aside with his foot as he enters. After a shower, he finds an old, scratchy sweatshirt and the pair of joggers that shrunk in the wash to be the only 'comfy' clothes left in his drawer.
He traipses into the kitchen to start prepping dinner. He hopes that keeping his hands busy will distract him from the ghost of Taylor that still clings to the walls of his apartment. He doesn’t miss her, not the way he thinks he should. They ended on good terms, good for what it could have been — with his penchant for deflection and her love of sharp words. But he’s spent the last six months trying to move forward, to become comfortable alone in his skin. Learning how to fill his time without putting half his worth into what he can provide for someone else, for a significant other. But now, being back here in his empty loft, it feels like a step backward, like he’s not only been using Eddie’s hospitality but using Eddie as a scapegoat for Buck’s need to feel useful. God dammit .
His fridge is empty. There's a couple of carrots, half a jar of olives, and the leftover naan bread from the takeaways he and Eddie had for lunch the day they were both here because the plumber was at Eddie’s fixing a leak in his ceiling. That was three weeks ago and the naan is moldy. Get it together, Buckley.
Buck leans his elbows against the kitchen counter and presses the heels of his palms into his eyes. He tries to take the deep, even breaths that Doctor Copeland had taught him. He throws the naan in the trash, calls the Chinese place down the street to place an order, and munches on one of the carrots while he waits for the delivery guy to show up.
Buck doesn't have many photos of Eddie. Most of the ones he does have are of Christopher doing something cool and Eddie either wanted a photo with him or happened to end up in the frame. One of the few photos he does have of himself and Eddie together is from when Eddie graduated from being a probationary firefighter. Hen took the photo of Buck and Eddie with their arms draped around each other's shoulders, wide grins on their face, and Buck’s crutch tucked under his armpit.
When Eddie's face from that same photo pops up on his phone screen with an incoming call he contemplates letting it ring and pretending he's already gone to bed. But it's barely 7 pm and he can never ignore Eddie's calls no matter how set he is on putting space between them.
He takes a deep breath before answering the call and bringing the phone to his ear.
"Buck!"
He rips the phone away from his ear at the sudden burst of Christopher's voice, a wide grin spreading across his face even as his ears ring. This is why he will never ignore Eddie's phone calls—or at least one of the reasons.
"Chris! Hey Buddy!"
"Why didn't you come to movie night?" Buck's heart shatters in seconds. "Dad said you were busy but you always come to movie night!"
"I know, Superman." Buck chooses his words carefully. He hates disappointing Chris and, what he hates even more, is that he is realizing that it is Chris who is going to lose out if Buck doesn't figure out how to stay in his life while Eddie already finds his presence overbearing. Losing Chris is not an option.
“You’re still taking me to the zoo on Sunday though? Right? You promised.” Oh just shoot him now, it would hurt less.
“Yeah, Buddy. I’ll double-check with your Dad but I hope you're ready for ice cream and lemurs!”
“And giraffes!”
“Who could forget giraffes?” Buck’s heart warms minutely at the light sound of Christopher’s giggling. There are shuffling noises in the background and Chris says something away from the microphone that Buck doesn’t catch.
“Dad wants to talk to you,” Chris says when he comes back to the phone and suddenly there's an unidentifiable lump clogging Buck’s throat. It’s just Eddie, he tells himself. Just because he needs to give him a bit of space doesn’t mean he’s not still Buck’s best friend. He can still talk to him and should be able to do so without coughing up a lung.
He takes a deep breath. “Sure thing Bud, hand me over to him and I’ll see if I can convince him to let us buy another plushy from the gift shop!”
“Not a chance, Buck.” Eddie’s voice comes down the line and Buck’s heart thumps in his chest. It hasn’t even been four hours and already he feels like being this far away from the Diaz boys is like he’s missing a limb — two limbs. “That boy already has enough stuffed toys that he could fill a second bed with them. No more, please.”
“Not even a little one? Like an otter or an iguana?”
“No water ferrets and no lizards. Okay?”
“Yes, Sir.” Buck does a fake salute before he remembers that Eddie can’t actually see him.
There’s an awkward pause and neither of them says anything. Though maybe it’s not awkward and Buck is just overthinking it but the words trip off his tongue anyway.
“Is it- can I still take him to the zoo on Sunday? It’s okay if that doesn’t work for you anymore I can-.” He stops himself before he really starts rambling.
“Of course, Buck. It’s all he’s been talking about for days.” Buck can hear the exasperation in Eddie’s voice and his heart clenches. In his mess of emotions Buck honestly can’t tell if it’s fond exasperation or genuine annoyance. Maybe Eddie had his own plans for Chris this weekend.
“He’ll be ready to go at nine, as usual.” Eddie assures him.
“Okay,” Buck replies. “Okay, I'll uhm- I’ll see you Sunday?”
“We’ll see you Sunday, Buck. Goodnight.”
Buck hangs up before he can say something stupid like can’t I see you now or what if I stayed with you tonight ?
He shows up at Maddie's for lunch the next day, uninvited and unannounced. He's just happy she is actually home. He was starting to spiral at the prospect of spending an entire Saturday alone in his apartment. As soon as she opens the door he pushes his way inside and goes in search of his niece. He needs cuddles, stat.
"Hello to you too, Evan." Maddie stands at the door, a hand on her hip as she watches him make a beeline for the playpen. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company."
"No reason." He hums. Jee-Yun makes grabby hands towards Buck as soon as she sees him, a wide gummy grin on her face and colorful building blocks laying around her feet. "Hello, gorgeous girl! Oh, don't you look lovely today!"
He picks her up with a careful whoosh , swinging her up into his arms, eliciting giggles along the way. Jee grabs onto his ear as soon as she's tucked against his chest and he grins at her, blowing a raspberry into her cheek just to make her giggle even more. This is exactly the kind of distraction Buck was hoping for.
"Buck?"
"Maddie!" He whines, bouncing Jee up and down on his hip. He refuses to look at Maddie, he's sure she can already see right through him but he certainly doesn't need to see the look on her face right now.
"It's Saturday." She says as if that explains everything. "Chris doesn't have school on a Saturday."
"Surprisingly most kids don't."
"And you don't have a shift, on this, a Saturday."
Buck sighs as he perches himself against the kitchen counter, Maddie bustles around him as she makes cups of tea and a sippy cup of juice for Jee-Yun. She holds up two boxes, one of camomile and the other of some kind of peach and flower concoction. He points to the camomile.
"What are you getting at here, Mads? Can't I just visit my sister and my niece without ulterior motives?"
She puts a hand on his arm and squeezes gently, her fingers coming up to brush some hair back from Jee-Yun's forehead. The water comes to a boil behind her and she turns away.
"Of course, you can, Buck." She pours out the two mugs of tea and then reaches to take Jee from Buck to put her in her high chair. Buck glares at her and tucks Jee closer to his chest. Maddie just rolls her eyes and takes both of their mugs of tea to the coffee table, Buck hands Jee her sippy cup of juice and she immediately sticks the handle in her mouth, chewing happily. "I'm just wondering why you're here on a Saturday, the morning after movie night, a day that Chris doesn't have school. That's all."
"They're busy today." Buck waves a hand dismissively as he sits next to her. He balances Jee on one knee and bounces her up and down gently, he is instantly rewarded with more giggling.
"Really?" By the way that she draws out the word, he can assume that she doesn't believe him. She shouldn't, it's a complete lie. He hasn't talked to Eddie since the phone call last night and he certainly didn't ask what their plans were for the day. He'd rather not know, then he can't let himself fret about it all day.
“Yup.” He pulls faces at Jee until she turns a wide gummy grin at him again and grabs his chin in one sticky, slobbery little hand. “So, where’s Chim?”
Maddie rolls her eyes but lets him change the subject.
Buck’s left knee bounces the entire drive from his apartment to Eddie’s house. The roads are clear, with most of Los Angeles enjoying a sleepy Sunday morning, but Buck and Chris always try to get to the zoo early to avoid standing in line at the gates. Even so, Buck was awake at 6 am even though it would take him less than half an hour to drive to Eddie’s and he could drive this route with his eyes closed. He woke up with the same nervous energy brewing under his skin that has been lingering since he overheard Eddie and Hen talking in the bunks.
Christopher must hear his Jeep pull up the drive because he is already swinging the door open before Buck can turn off the ignition. Buck was really hoping for a moment to collect himself before he had to face Eddie but Chris’ excitement waits for no man. He has already got his blue, frog-printed backpack hanging on his back and a wide grin plastered on his face as he bounces in place on the porch.
“Hey, Superman!” Buck calls as he climbs out of the Jeep. “You ready to stare at some animals and eat our weight in ice cream?”
“That would be a lot of ice cream, Buck.” Eddie steps out onto the step next to Chris. He’s got his ‘Dad’ sneakers on, the ones Buck usually teases him about, and Buck watches as Eddie pulls his front door shut and locks it behind him. His breath catches in his throat. Ahh crap . Buck did not plan for this. “A big guy like you? You’ll have ice cream coming out of your ears.”
Christopher giggles delightedly at the prospect but Buck can’t find it in himself to quip back.
“You’re coming too?” He finds himself saying. It’s not that Eddie never comes with them, but often he takes the few hours the Buck has Chris out of the house to catch up on housework or grab a few extra hours of sleep. Eddie stops halfway through shoving his keys in his back pocket and looks at Buck with a carefully inquisitive expression.
“Ah, yeah,” Eddie replies cautiously. “Is that okay with you, Mr. Trip Manager?”
“Of course, Eddie. It’s fine.”
“ It’s fine , he says.” Buck watches closely as Eddie winds an arm around Christopher and pulls his son into his side, “I didn’t realize the Zoo Club was so exclusive. How generous of you to extend the invitation.”
Buck rolls his eyes and has to bite his tongue to stop himself from telling Eddie that he is always welcome to spend time with his son, it’s Buck that should be asking for an invitation. But Eddie knows that and he has been courteous enough to extend it numerous times when Buck hasn’t really done anything to deserve his place between the two Diaz boys, as much as he wants to glue himself to that spot and never leave.
“Let's get this show on the road, shall we!” Buck claps his hands together, faking enthusiasm for Christopher’s benefit even as his inner turmoil continues to swirl in his chest.
Eddie grabs Christopher around the waist with both arms, swinging him back and forth, backpack, crutches, and all as he carries him down the steps and to the Jeep. Chris is giggling even as he complains to Eddie to put him down.
Eddie gets Chris settled in the back seat while Buck climbs into the driver's seat and switches out the Taylor Swift CD he was listening to on the way over for the radio instead. He doesn’t think he can handle much more teasing from Eddie today, not when every word feels like it's accompanied by a cutting undercurrent.
As expected, the crowds are only starting to form when Buck pulls into a parking space. He lets Eddie help Chris out of the backseat. Buck grabs his crutches on instinct and hands them to him. He gets a small thank you from Chris and no reaction from Eddie.
Chris and Buck come often enough that Buck bought them a season pass which usually lets them bypass most of the queues. Eddie has to buy a day pass to get in with them and although he insists that they go ahead without him, Chris says he wants to stay together so they have to wait in line a while longer than Buck had anticipated. Truthfully, Buck isn’t too keen on taking Chris off without Eddie anyway, it would kind of defeat the purpose of Eddie coming to the zoo with his son.
Eventually, they make it inside the gate and Christopher makes a beeline toward the giraffe exhibit. He’s got one hand clasped tightly in Eddie's, dragging him along with him as fast as he can go, and before he can react, Buck finds Eddie’s hand wrapped around his wrist, tugging him along with them. Buck feels like he’s getting a lot of mixed signals from his friend. Between the sarcastic jokes and the quiet complaints behind closed doors, Buck isn’t sure where he stands with Eddie. Maybe he just doesn’t want to hurt Buck’s feelings and that’s why he hasn’t said anything, hasn’t explicitly asked for some space. But if he wants to play ‘keeping-up appearances’ for Christopher then Buck can do that too. Even if it hurts so much more knowing it’s not genuine.
He lets himself be pulled along with them.
By midday, the sun is beating down on them and Buck strips out of his sweatshirt. He suggests ice cream, Chris begs excitedly and Eddie gives in and orders each of them a double-decker cone with extra sprinkles and a plain chocolate cone for himself.
Christopher is leaning against the railing surrounding the aviary while Buck and Eddie sit side by side on the rim of the nearby fountain.
“Are you okay?” Eddie asks quietly. His eyes are tracking every move Christopher makes and when Buck realizes he is doing the same he pointedly stares down at his lap.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” He replies. He tries not to look at Eddie but finds his eyes sliding there anyway.
Eddie gives him a funny look, the kind that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle and that line between his brows deepens.
“You’ve just been quiet, that’s all.”
“Tired, maybe,” Buck says. “Didn’t sleep much last night.”
Eddie’s frown deepens even further, the opposite effect of what Buck was trying to achieve. “Nightmares?”
Shit. The last thing he wanted to do was make Eddie worry. They’ve never explicitly talked about Buck’s nightmares, or Eddie’s, though they both know that they each have them. But knowing and acknowledging are two very different things and Buck is sure that he and Eddie both know that talking about one thing will mean that they will have to talk about everything else .
“No, no. Just had a coffee too close to bedtime and I was up watching this new documentary on the Discovery channel.” It's not technically a lie, that was how he spent his evening. But it was mostly intended to distract himself from texting Eddie.
“Okay,” Eddie says quietly, nudging his shoulder against Buck’s. “You know I’m here, yeah? If you’re ever not okay.”
“Of course, Eds. You too.”
“I know.” Eddie smiles gently and the conversation is dropped when Christopher comes back to the fountain to whine about a seagull that tried to steal his ice cream, causing it to fall on the ground. Buck rushes off to get him a new one.
“You’re staying for dinner right?” Eddie asks as he climbs out of the Jeep, now back in his driveway. It would be so easy. So easy to say yes, to go inside and help Eddie make spaghetti and watch Moana with Chris and read him a bedtime story and kiss his forehead just the way that Eddie does. Too easy.
It feels like physically ripping his heart out and leaving it on Eddie’s doorstep when he declines and leaves Eddie standing in his driveway as he puts the Jeep in reverse before he can take it back.
Buck drives home. His fridge is still empty. He didn’t go to the store on the way home from Maddie’s like he had meant to. The loft still feels as cold and empty as it did the night before. He orders pizza this time and eats it on his bed because that, at least, is one place where he is used to being alone.
He gets funny looks from both Hen and Chimney when he brushes past where his best friend is sitting on the couch and without so much as a wave. He’s not avoiding Eddie so much as giving him space as he makes a beeline for the kitchen.
“What’s cooking, Cap?”
Bobby gives him a blank look, glances at the couches, and then back at Buck. “Breakfast. You can cut up that fruit if you like.”
The tightness in Buck’s chest eases minutely. A distraction is just what he needs when every fiber of his being is begging him to go sit next to Eddie and ask him if Chris got to school alright this morning. Did he see the news about the kid in Georgia that built a treehouse out of old shipping pelts? They should build one for Chris. Like a moth to a flame.
He focuses intently on the knife in his hand, cutting the oranges into perfect equal pieces and transferring them to a platter. Once he’s finished the oranges, he moves on to the apples, then the melon. He arranges each pile neatly, unintentionally forming a color gradient across the plate.
“Okay Picasso , that looks lovely,” Bobby teases, “You can take it to the table now.”
Buck looks up. Eddie is sitting at the table, the seat next to him is empty, where Buck usually sits. He pauses with the platter in his hands, hesitating before he places it carefully in the middle of the table and takes the seat on the opposite side, next to Hen.
Eddie gives him a funny look whilst reaching for a slice of apple. Buck could have guessed. Eddie loves apples, that's why Buck made sure that that end of the platter was closest to Eddie when he put it down. Shit. Dammit.
“Oi, Buckley! You’re in my seat!” Chimney shouts. Double shit.
“Maybe I wanted to sit next to Hen.” He covers quickly. Good save, Buckley. Not suspicious at all. “ She is my favorite paramedic after all. I wanted to ask her about this medical documentary I've been watching.”
“ Grey’s Anatomy does not count as a documentary, Buckaroo.” Hen quips but she smiles at him softly anyway. Chimney continues glaring until Bobby tells him to sit down as he brings the other plate of breakfast bagels to the tables and takes his seat at the head. Chimney huffs but falls into the seat next to Eddie. He kicks Buck in the shin under the table and Buck has to suppress a wince.
The first time the alarm rings Buck rushes to the engine and on instinct slides into the seat next to Eddie. It’s too late to change his mind though because Bobby is already pulling out of the engine bay and Eddie is smiling at him like nothing is amiss.
“Did you see that article about the kid in Georgia?” Eddie asks and Bucks's heart stops, stutters, and restarts in an instant. “I meant to send you the link this morning. He built a treehouse with his Dad out of shipping pellets. I don’t think it'd be too hard to modify their design to make something similar that’s accessible for Chris.”
He looks up at Buck as if he’s expecting some sort of wild revelation. He’s right. If they pried the slats off some of the pallets to fill the gaps so Chris’ crutches won’t fall through and figured out some sort of ramp, they could quite easily build at least a semi-high platform around the trunk of one of the trees in Eddie’s backyard. Buck did construction work for a season during his ‘finding myself’ phase, so he knows has at least the basic skills to pull it off. His mind is already spiraling into the realm of YouTube tutorials when he shakes himself, biting the inside of his cheek.
“Ah, yeah. Probably.” Is what he settles for. Eddie didn’t actually ask for his help, he was merely making conversation. He probably means that he is thinking of doing it with Chris himself, just the two of them. That would make sense, it would be a fun bonding activity for him and Chris to work on together and he specifically mentioned that the kid and his Dad built the treehouse in the article. There is no Buck in that equation.
Eddie looks like he’s about to say something when Bobby’s voice comes over the headset.
“Okay crew, we’ve got a customer with a flesh wound at a cafe. May require stitches.” He calls back.
“Someone got a bit excited cutting up their eggs this morning.” Chimney jokes.
“It wasn’t a knife apparently.”
“What?” Buck pipes up.
“Dispatch says it was a menu.”
“A menu.” Hen’s voice is flat, sounding almost impressed. “How did someone manage to cut themselves well enough to require stitches — with a menu?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.” Bobby replies.
The cafe isn’t far from the station, in fact on arrival Buck recognizes it as the same one he usually stops at to get coffees for himself and Eddie on the way to work. He didn’t stop by this morning because he’s trying to wean off such ‘overbearing’ habits. Eddie didn’t seem to notice that Buck didn’t bring any this morning anyway so it’s obviously not a big deal to him.
One of the regular servers, Tara, is working the register which they walk in. Her green apron is tied around her waist as usual but it's stained with dark red in patches down the front pocket and not the kind you get from ketchup. Buck is all too familiar.
She recognizes Buck instantly and lets out a relieved sigh. “They’re right this way.”
She directs them through the maze of tables to the courtyard where two young women are standing close together under one of the arched gazebos in the courtyard. Buck notes that it is the perfect spot for aesthetic Instagram shots. Pretty wisteria vines wind up the sides of the arches and there's a neat white tablecloth draped over the round table beneath. At least, it used to be white, it too is now splattered with blood droplets just like Tara’s apron.
“We tried to keep the pressure on it the best we could until you got here.” Tara explains. As she said, they find one of the girls with a wad of tea towels wrapped tightly around her forearm with her friend holding them securely in place. Hen gets straight to work checking the wound, directing the friend to release her hold so she can work.
Buck quickly looks around and notices some napkins still sitting in the middle of the table, untouched by the spray, and offers them to the friend to clean her hands. She is shaking though and so with a quick nod of acceptance from her, Buck reaches out and clasps her hands as he starts slowly and methodically wiping away the blood staining her palms from where they were holding the tea towel in place.
“Can one of you explain how this happened?” Chimney asks as he passes things to Hen.
“We were just having lunch.” The injured girl says. “Everything was lovely, we had just gotten the bill and then Jarna here threw a fit and whacked me with the menu while I was trying to pay.”
“Katey, I don't know why you wouldn’t let me pay my half! We always split the bill!” Jarna tries to defend herself.
“Because this was supposed to be a date!” Katey sputters and Jarna goes stock still. Hen quickly finishes wrapping the bandage around Katey’s arm and steps out of the way as Jarna pulls her hands out of Buck’s and steps closer to her friend.
“It was a date? You brought me on a date?”
Katey looks up at her through her lashes, a shy flush spreading across her cheeks. “I thought it would be obvious from the way I picked you up, and brought you flowers, and sweated my way through the entire meal.”
“It’s very warm today!” Jarna argues.
“And you are obviously very oblivious to the fact that I am in love with you.”
Buck feels like he’s watching a sitcom. His own chest is bubbling with excitement as the blush on Jarna’s cheeks blooms to match Katey’s. This is better than the telenovelas that Eddie keeps trying to make him watch.
“You are?”
“God, Jarna! Of course, I am.” Katey reaches up to cup Jarna’s cheek. Both of them are oblivious to the smear of red her thumb leaves as they look deeply into each other's eyes. Buck bites his tongue. “How could I not be? You’re beautiful, brave, and so kind. You're practically Riley’s other Mom.”
They must remember that they have an audience because Katey turns to clarify for the group of onlookers that Riley is her dog. She turns back.
“Jarna, you’re my best friend and I think I’ve been in love with you for years, I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“You think?” Jarna is laughing now, a sweet sound that echoes around the courtyard like whispers of pure happiness.
“Maybe I’m just as oblivious,” Katey admits. “But I guess I just hoped that maybe, bringing you here-”
“We come here every week, Kat.”
“Well, they have the best coffee.”
“They really do.” Buck whispers to Chimney who rolls his eyes at him and passes him one of the medical bags to take back to the ambulance. He misses the end of Katey’s confession but when he comes back in he catches the soft smiles on both of their faces as they pull away from each other.
“Hey, Buck? Do you wanna, maybe, grab lunch?” Eddie asks as they stand side by side in the locker room. As a further complication to his plan, Buck realizes that it is kind of hard to give Eddie space when they literally share a locker. Buck had contemplated waiting until Eddie had changed and left, before he did the same. But the urge to get home before he does something stupid—like climb into Eddie’s truck with him—was stronger.
Now, this. It’s not an unusual offer, he and Eddie get food together after shifts all the time but it doesn’t exactly fit in with Buck’s ‘distance’ plans.
“Maybe another time,” He says, purposefully avoiding looking at Eddie’s face. He can't stand to see the impartial acceptance he’s sure is there. Eddie probably wants to get home as much as Buck does, he’s just being courteous. “I’ve gotta— a date.” No, no, backtrack! Quickly!
“A date,” Eddie says. Buck can’t read anything in his voice and he hates it.
“No. Not a date-date. A date to set a date.” God, the hole is getting deeper by the minute. Why is lying so hard? “I’m looking at getting a dog. So I’ve got a phone call with a shelter to set a date for me to go in and- visit the dogs.”
“Oh.” Eddie says and there’s a slight inflection of surprise in his tone, his voice lilting upwards at the end of the word. “I didn’t know you were thinking about getting a dog. You live in an apartment.”
“Oh no, yeah. Recent decision. Hence the meeting.” Buck wants the ground to swallow him. It’s a testament to how tired they both are at the end of their shift that Eddie doesn’t read through his lies in an instant. It’s not that he’s never thought about getting a dog, he's always wanted a pet. But Eddie is right, his apartment is not exactly conducive to an energetic furry friend. Though it would help to liven up the place. It has been feeling god awfully grim with Buck there by himself.
He excuses himself and rushes out to his Jeep before Eddie even has his own duffle zipped up.
It’s only later that night, as Buck stares up at the ceiling from his bed, that he runs their first call of the day through his head again. Something about it struck him though he just cannot place it. It was pretty run-of-the-mill, all things considered. Hen and Chim did most of the work, Buck is trying hard not to focus on the blood side of things, but he knows exactly why that rubs him the wrong way. The striped shirt tucked deep in the back of his closet is a testament to that. But there was something else that one of the girls, Katey, said that just-
You’re practically Riley’s other Mom.
They were talking about a dog. He knows they were talking about a dog.
There is nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you.
Buck’s mouth suddenly feels very dry.
You’re my best friend and I think I’ve been in love with you for years.
Well, Fuck.
Buck doesn't want to be here. In fact, he would like to be literally anywhere but here, standing awkwardly in the back corner of Bobby and Athena's garden, practically hiding behind Albert. Eddie isn’t even here yet. Buck specifically came early so that wouldn’t seem rude when he inevitably also leaves early because as soon as Eddie shows up, Buck’s not sure how he’s going to keep it together.
Since his very helpful realization that he is hopelessly, unrequitedly in love with Eddie, he has come to see that not only has he been monopolizing all of Eddie’s time, but has apparently, subconsciously, been projecting onto his best friend in the hopes of satisfying those feelings. For three weeks He has managed to uphold a professional boundary at work, and avoid any possible extracurricular plans (including multiple movie nights and a suggested beach trip) but there was no way Bobby would take any of his excuses to not come to their monthly ‘fire-fam’ barbeque.
And so Buck’s plan is simple. He will hang around for a couple of hours, eat some of Bobby’s insanely good barbeque ribs, make small talk with Athena till she shoos him away, and avoid every possible interaction with Eddie until eventually he can either fake sick or claim to be tired and go home early.
A wrench is thrown into his plan the instant that Eddie arrives with Christopher in tow because Buck subsequently hasn’t seen Christopher in weeks and God he has missed him.
“Buck!” The boy yells with glee as soon as he spots Buck standing at the edge of the group. Buck throws caution to the wind and rushes up to Christopher, wrapping his arms around his little waist and swinging him around in a circle.
“Chris! Hey, Buddy!” He sets him back on his feet but squeezes him tightly against his chest. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good!” Chris says, peppy as always. “I got an A minus on my science fair.”
There is a horrible war of emotions happening in Buck’s chest. Mostly proud, this kid is so unbelievably clever and Buck’s heart swells with pride. But there is a deep-set niggle of regret. Buck was supposed to help him with his science project. Chris had been planning it for months.
“That’s so awesome, Bud! Well done.” Buck congratulates him smoothly, suddenly incredibly aware of how close Eddie is standing and that he’s wearing that really nice navy shirt. “How about I see if Bobby is hiding some soda in the kitchen.”
He disappears inside as quickly as his feet will carry him.
Clarify (v.)
to make something clear or easier to understand by giving more details or a simpler explanation.
Eddie is pretty sure he's missed something, like something pretty big. He doesn't know if it was something he did or if maybe Buck's just going through another one of his 'personality upgrades' but he has barely seen him in almost three weeks. Aside from at work, where almost everything seems normal other than realizing that Buck has stopped bringing him coffee in the morning, something he's been doing for almost two years and has suddenly stopped doing. This was the first sign and initially, Eddie brushes it off as a coincidence. Maybe the cafe he usually got them from had closed or Buck had changed the route he took to work. But they literally had a call to that cafe the day Buck stopped bringing coffee. Eddie feels silly for noticing something so trivial but then Buck starts skipping out on other plans, excusing himself from movie nights, and replying to texts hours later when usually he’s the one texting Eddie all day . Eddie hasn’t received a single meme in almost a month and the cat video he eventually sent Buck got a heart reaction and nothing more. Even Christopher has been asking where his Buck is, following three weeks of canceled movie nights and only one trip to the zoo (which Buck asked permission for, by the way).
At first, he thought he was imagining things and maybe Buck was just busy. And to be fair, he had previously been spending a lot of time at Eddie's house, Eddie regretfully felt like he had been monopolizing all of Buck's time. He probably just wanted some space, a few days to do adult things rather than hang out with Eddie and his twelve-year-old son playing dinosaurs and watching Moana. His couch isn't very comfortable either, Eddie can say this from experience, he wouldn't want to sleep on it for a month straight the way Buck had. And it had been a month, he went back and counted and Buck hadn't slept at his loft since June . His plants were probably dying and who knows how much dust was collecting on his furniture. It made sense for Buck to take a couple of days to himself. But three weeks?
He was really hoping to talk to Buck at the barbeque today but so far he hasn’t been able to catch him. Selfishly, he had hoped that Christopher might act as bait to draw Buck in when they arrived, and it had almost worked but then Buck had disappeared inside before Eddie could say a word and he’s barely seen him since. He knows Buck had been talking to Albert when they arrived and he definitely saw him talking to Athena on the porch later in the afternoon. But now he has all but vanished.
He manages to catch Bobby cleaning the grill. “Have you seen Buck?”
Bobby looks up, squinting into the sun, and Eddie shifts to try and block it with his shadow.
“He went home about half an hour ago,” Bobby says, turning back to the grill.
“It’s barely three o'clock.” Eddie says.
“He said he was tired. I heard him talking to Harry about some rainforest documentary he’s been watching and you know how he can get. “ Bobby turns to face Eddie again, gesticulating around with the scrapper still in his hand. “He was probably up late on a research binge or something.”
Eddie nods. That would make sense. Buck has been looking more tired recently and Eddie knows there was a new David Attenborough series recently uploaded to one of those streaming platforms Buck subscribes to. Chris has been talking about it too. Apparently, his friends at school have been watching it but when Eddie suggested they watch an episode last Friday Chris refused. He wanted to save it to watch with Buck, he had said. Eddie is sure that even if Buck has now watched it himself, he won’t have to fake enthusiasm to watch it again with Chris.
“You’re probably right.” He says to Bobby.
It’s fine. Tomorrow is Monday and he will see Buck at work. They’ll have downtime between calls, he’ll talk to him then. It’s fine.
It is not fine because all too quickly it is Friday. All week Buck seemed to be everywhere Eddie wasn’t and even when he could pin him down for more than five seconds the rest of the crew were there too which was not exactly conducive to a mildly serious, confrontational discussion. Buck had sat on the opposite side of the table from him at lunch again as he has done for almost a month now. Alternating between stealing Hen’s seat and Chimney’s seat. He even tried for Bobby’s seat once but the captain pulled it back just as Buck was about to sit down, leaving Buck sprawled on the floor on his backside. Ravi also put his foot down when he started trying to sit on the other side of the ladder truck as well. Eddie is starting to think he smells bad, though he’s been showering just as regularly as usual and no one else seems to have a problem with sitting next to him, just Buck.
The rest of the crew have definitely noticed that something weird is going on but none of them have commented on the airy distance between Eddie and Buck. Bobby still pairs them together for rescues and the seamless ease with which they work together has not changed. The way they can communicate without words, passing tools between them before the other’s hand even reaches. The kind of connection that always leads Hen and Chimney to tease them about whatever potential telepathic power they must possess.
That’s not the case though. Eddie just knows Buck like the back of his own hand. He can read him in an instant, and maybe that's why Eddie has felt so on edge lately. Because for weeks, outside of rescues and their working relationship, he has no idea what Buck is thinking anymore. They’ve barely talked and when they do, the exchange is stilted and shallow until Buck either draws someone else into the discussion and changes the topic or vanishes midway through the conversation.
Eddie is not about to let another Friday come and go without fixing whatever has gone amiss between himself and his best friend. He refuses to go home to Chris' wide, hopeful eyes and watch his little soul deflate upon the realization that Buck is once again not with him and their movie night is once again missed. No, he’s going to fix this, whatever this may be.
As the universe would have it, the moment he heads for the loft to go find Buck the alarm rings and the whole crew comes jogging down the stairs, racing for the engine. Because he’s feeling petty, Eddie waits for Buck to clamber into the engine and follows right behind him, plopping himself down in the seat on the opposite side of the truck to where he usually sits but now right beside his partner. Buck gives him a funny look, his mouth pinched like he just bit into a lemon as Eddie knocks their knees together.
“We’ve got a kitchen fire,” Bobby calls back to them over the headset. “Dispatch says it’s been put out, the caller had a fire extinguisher on hand. Hen and Chim, I want you to check our chef for any injuries. Buck and Eddie, make sure nothing has been left smoldering.”
“Copy that, Cap.” Chimney responds.
Eddie leans into Buck’s shoulder. “Any bets on what they were cooking?”
Buck looks back at him contemplatively and then his shoulders relax as he leans into Eddie’s side. “I hope it was something exciting like popcorn or bacon.”
“You think popcorn is exciting?” He gives Buck an egregious look. “Personally, I’m hoping for steak. I could go for a porterhouse right about now.”
“Oh come on, Eddie! Now I’m hungry!” Chimney complains and the other chime in with similar disdain.
“You can all eat dinner after your shift! This should be our last call.” Bobby assures them and he’s right, their shift is technically over in half an hour. Eddie is already planning how to drag Buck to his truck and lock him in so he can’t run away before Eddie gets to talk to him properly.
Upon arriving at the caller’s house it doesn’t take long to assess the situation and thankfully the damage seems to be minimal. The underside of the upper kitchen cabinets are singed and the frypan will probably require a considerable amount of elbow grease to scrub it back to a usable state. It’s the homeowner, Alex, who seems the most shaken up, though that's to be expected. Almost burning down your own house is never a fun way to start your morning.
"My girlfriend usually does the cooking but she's away for work this week and I figured, eggs can't be that hard can they?" Alex explains.
"Believe me buddy, they are. Cooking is not for the faint of heart." Eddie chuckles. Lord knows he's ruined his fair share of frying pans by burning Christopher's breakfast and he's certainly replaced his fire extinguisher more frequently than most households.
“And you would know, Mr. I Burnt Boiling Water.” Bucks slides up next to Eddie, a smug grin on his face.
“Eddie! Really?” Hen exclaims. “How did you manage that?”
“I don’t know,” Eddie sighs, giving Buck a shove. “I was trying to make pasta.”
“It was his first time trying to make spaghetti by himself.” Buck continues slinging an arm around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie wants to dig a hole in Alex’s backyard and jump into it. “I even gave him this great recipe to follow but he apparently decided to take liberties with the instructions.”
“Does this story have a happy ending?” Alex asks nervously.
“Yeah, Buck showed up unannounced right on dinner time.” Eddie sighs. He could never describe the relief he had felt at finding Buck on his doorstep at that moment. “We started again and he walked me through the recipe. It actually turned out pretty well. I’ve made it a few times by myself since. Actually, I made it last week and Chris said it was even better than that first time.”
Eddie turns to grin proudly at Buck. God knows he would still be burning water without his best friend showing him the ropes. He had texted Buck last Tuesday to see if he wanted to join them for dinner, secretly he had wanted to impress him with how much progress he was making, but Buck had said he was busy.
“You too are so codependent. It’s adorable.” Hen laughs as she waves the patient off and radios Bobby to give him the all-clear. Buck’s arm falls off of Eddie’s shoulders as he looks at him, Buck’s eyes are directed at his feet.
“More like nauseating. They’re basically attached at the hip, like conjoined twins.” Chimney chimes in. “Though, to be fair, I don’t think Buck has ever been good at personal space. It’s a very symbiotic relationship.”
Buck slips away and Eddie ducks his head to hide the blush he can feel spreading up his neck. He busies himself with the gear they had brought in with them.
The playful mood sours quickly on the drive home. Buck is still sitting next to him in the truck on the way back to the station but he’s stiff and upright, his legs kept carefully in his own space and his face turned out the window. He doesn’t even comment when Chimney starts talking smack about The Great British Bake Off . He seemed fine at the call, Eddie was starting to think that maybe he was more worried than he had needed to be. Now he’s not so sure again.
They’re halfway back to the station when another call comes through. A pile-up on the I-10 after a drunk driver collided with a bollard and the person behind them couldn’t break in time. Dispatch tells them that four cars are involved in total and one other station is already en route, the 118 will be there to assist.
The sun is setting when they arrive on the scene, Bobby quickly confers with the captain of the 136 and directs the members of the 118 where they are needed. Eddie follows close behind Buck to a red Corolla that has gotten wedged between the center barrier and a gray Hyundai. The 136 has already cleared the other vehicle so Buck is able to climb over the hood to get to the driver's side of their car.
The driver seems to be conscious, a young man, probably in his late twenties. He must have been driving with his windows wound down and Buck is able to lean into the vehicle to check on him. There is a cut somewhere above the driver’s hairline that’s slowly staining his blonde fringe red and Eddie is already passing Buck a square of gauze before he can reach back for it. He takes it without a word and applies pressure to the wound.
Buck starts reassuring the driver while Eddie sets to work with the jaws, prying the car open like a tuna can so that they can get him extracted. He calls to Buck when he’s ready to lift the frame out of the way but where usually Buck would be there in an instant, this time Eddie is left waiting for him with his hands wrapped around the edge. He ducks down to poke his head through the window.
“Hey, Buck.” He calls and Buck looks up like this is the first time he’s heard him.
“Yeah, what?”
“Is our guy all good? Can you help me with this roof?”
“Oh. You’re good, Toby?” Buck squeezes the boy’s forearm and he nods back as best he can with the C-collar in place.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” Toby’s voice shakes but he sounds pretty alert for a guy with a potential head injury. “Just get me out of here, please.”
“As quick as we can,” Eddie promises. “Buck?”
Buck meets Eddie’s eyes blankly and Eddie nods up towards the roof. Buck seems to get with the program pretty quickly after that. They pry the roof off the vehicle, Chimney and Hen arriving just in time to help them slide it right out of the way and then they take a turn with the patient. Assessing him for anything Buck may have missed. Shortly after they have Toby out of the vehicle and onto a gurney, Chimney and Hen wheel him off towards the ambulance.
Eddie smacks a hand around the back of Buck’s shoulder, squeezing firmly over his turnout coat. “You good?”
Buck walks away without a response and Eddie is left standing in the middle of the road with his hand in the air.
After a rather tense drive back to the station, Eddie is more determined than ever to talk to Buck. He has been acting hot and cold all evening and Eddie is willing to drag him home kicking and screaming if he must. Once they finally get to clock out of their shift, Eddie waits in the locker room for Buck to come back from his shower. He’s surprised when Buck comes back already dressed in his casual clothes, duffle swung over his shoulder and throwing a farewell up into the loft where Bobby is finishing off paperwork as the B-shift Captain starts directing the shift change.
Buck barely even waves in Eddie’s direction as he passes and Eddie finds himself frozen in place for a second before he calls out to Buck. Thankfully Buck stops next to one of the ladder trucks.
“Buck, hey. Are you okay?” He implores.
Buck barely glances up, he’s busy fiddling with the strap of his duffle bag. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I dunno, you just seemed a bit out of it on that last call.”
“Out of it? I was concentrating, it wasn’t exactly a simple call, Eddie.” Buck takes a deep, shuttering breath and Eddie is mesmerized by the way his chest expands with the breath. “I’m fine, Eds. Honestly.”
Eddie watches him closely. Buck’s brows are smooth, his smile quirked just slightly more on the left than the right and his eyes are dead empty. It’s all fake, a plastered-on expression that Eddie has seen far more times than he would like.
“Buck.” Buck doesn’t respond, just stares at Eddie blankly and Eddie sighs. “Okay. I’m going to pick Chris up from Abuela’s, you coming with me? We could get pizza?”
“No, not today.” There's an unsteady hesitation in Buck’s voice and Eddie can’t quite bring himself to push the issue anymore. Instead, he watches as his partner hitches his bag higher onto his shoulder and starts heading out the door. “I’m fine Eddie. I need to get going, I’ll see you next shift.”
Next shift, as in on Monday? Oh hell no, Eddie is not letting this drag on any longer. Whatever Buck has going on, Eddie is about to make it his problem because this is getting ridiculous.
“Buck!” He calls out, but Buck is gone. Eddie grips his own bag and digs his toes in as he takes off across the engine bay. The muscles in his legs scream at him but he has higher priorities than some tired quads right now.
“Buck! Stop.” Eddie rounds the corner and finds Buck halfway across the parking lot. “Will you just wait a minute, please?”
Buck comes to a halt and spins around to face Eddie, his shoulder set stiffly and his mouth a grim line across his face. “What, Eddie? What is it you want?”
“I just want to talk to you! I’ve barely seen you in almost a month, Buck.”
“You’ve seen me.” Buck drawls. “We’re here together almost every day.” He waves his hand up in the air, gesturing to the building that houses the 118 Firehouse.
“Yeah, here, maybe. But only here.” Eddie can feel himself winding up and he tries to keep a damper on his emotions. The last thing he wants is to turn this into a repeat of the Grocery Store Incident. Even then he had felt terrible for yelling at Buck, accusing him of things. Eddie had been so stuck in his own head at the time and all he wanted was to be able to talk to his best friend. He missed Buck. He misses him now even standing five feet away from him. “I never hear from you outside of work. You don't text, you don't come to movie night. Hell, you haven’t even been by the house in weeks.”
“You know people are always saying we’re too codependent.” Hen and Chimney’s teasing from earlier comes to mind. Buck tries to play it off with a chuckle but Eddie can see the tense line of his jaw, one of Buck’s biggest tells that he’s trying to make something seem inconsequential. “I am sorry. I'm sure, I know Chris-”
Eddie cuts him off quickly. He is sick of using his son as a scapegoat, especially when Buck cannot seem to read between the lines. “Yes, sure Chris misses you. But I miss you too!”
Buck stares straight at him like the concept of Eddie missing him is foreign to him, and maybe it is. Eddie has never been very good at expressing much of anything, he knows this, he’s been learning to be better but God how could he have been so closed off that even his best friend doesn't know how much he means to Eddie?
And isn't that a shame, because Buck is everything to him. His waypoint, his rock, his true north. Without Buck by his side, Eddie doesn't know how he would have made it through the last four years.
“I like being codependent,” Eddie expresses, “I like being able to depend on you. Is it that hard to believe? That I like having you around, Buck. Because I do.”
“But- I heard you, with Hen.”
Eddie can feel the blank look that draws across his face as his brow furrows in confusion.
“With Hen? Buck, what are you talking about?” Eddie sighs heavily. Sometimes it feels like there is so much weight hanging off his shoulders and he doesn’t know where to put it.
“In the bunks, you were talking about me, about how I’m always at your house, and hanging out with Chris and eating your food.”
He wracks his brain trying to remember when this would have happened and then it clicks. Oh, Buck.
“I’m in love with you, you idiot.”
That seems to stop Buck in his tracks, quite literally as every muscle in his long frame tenses, his mouth left half open and his eyes blown wide. The world keeps moving around them, cars are bustling up and down the street. A lady comes up behind them with a pram and Eddie has to step out of the way to let her pass but Buck doesn't move.
“I wasn’t complaining about you Buck, not the way you think. It was painful having you around all the time, yes, but only because I could see everything I ever wanted right in front of me and I still couldn't have it.
“I didn't realize quite how fucking domestic we are until that day you went home to water your plants and I couldn’t find the spatula and I turned to ask you where it was and you weren't there. Then suddenly I saw you everywhere. Every grocery trip, at every meal, at every parent-teacher meeting ! Buck, you help me do my laundry! You sit there, on my couch, folding my underwear and spouting about narwhals like it's just a normal Tuesday, and I fall a little more in love with you in every one of those moments.” Eddie sneaks a glance up at Buck, his own chest heaving, and finds that Buck is still standing stock still but his eyes are glistening and there’s a small, hopeful smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.
“I- Eddie.” And then Buck bursts into tears and for a moment Eddie is too shocked to do anything. That was not the reaction he was expecting, He expected confusion, outright refusal, and maybe even Buck trying to let him down gently. But now Buck is crying and Eddie cannot bear to watch the way his shoulders shake and his lip trembles so he lunges forward and gathers Buck against his chest. “I thought- I thought it was me. I thought I was in your way, being too much, being ex-”
He can’t even get the word out, his throat catches on his sobs but Eddie knows what he was going to say and God does it break Eddie’s heart in two to know that he ever led Buck to believe such a terrible lie about himself.
“Oh, Buck. Baby,” He presses Buck closer, hoping that he can feel the love Eddie holds for him pulsing beneath his skin, that it is as much a part of him as the air he breathes and the way his heart beats. He presses his nose into the side of Buck’s head and makes sure he is speaking right into his ear when he continues. “Never, you are never too much. I am sorry that I ever said those things but I never meant them and I never will.”
Buck pulls himself out of Eddie’s arms and takes a step back. His arms are wrapped protectively across his middle and he slowly looks at Eddie's face imploringly, his lashes are damp and his face is flushed.
“Hey. Buck?” Buck nods and Eddie takes that as an invitation to step closer and cup Buck’s cheeks between his palms. “Hey, look at me.”
Buck looks directly at him, a kind of stolen finality in his eyes, Eddie knows he has one shot at making Buck believe this, otherwise something irreparable is going to break inside him. He takes a deep breath, looks directly into Buck’s eyes, and musters every ounce of sincerity within himself.
“I love you.” He says. “I am in love with you. I want you, with me, always.”
“I love you too.” The words stumble out of Buck’s mouth in such a rush. “God, Eddie. We are such idiots.”
“You can say that again.” Eddie agrees, tipping forward he rubs his nose against Buck’s shoulder, pressing his forehead against his neck and he feels Buck’s hand brush up the back of his head and into his hair. He pulls away after Buck presses a kiss to the side of Eddie's head and they stare at each other for a moment and then they are laughing. The absurdity of the situation, still standing in the car park outside the station, practically on the street. Eddie’s cheeks hurt from the way he is grinning and Buck's face is red as he gasps and splutters, trying to reign in his amusement.
Eddie is certain that the mooning look he gives buck is more telling than any flowery words he could come up with right now but by God does he love this man.
“Now for God’s sake, will you please come home?” And Buck looks at him like he has hung the moon and the stars. There's no need to clarify where home is, they both know.
“Yeah, I would like that.” Buck says through a small, pleased grin.
“Good,” Eddie wraps an arm around his shoulders and starts pulling him towards the jeep. “Because you are also cooking dinner. Christopher and I have been living like savages while you've been gone, I never want to eat another fish finger in my life.”
“Really, Eddie?” Buck is playing exasperated but the agreement is clear in his voice.
“Also we need to do laundry and Chris has been begging me to go to this new museum exhibit they must have opened about the—”
“The first space flight.”
“Yes, that one.” Eddie lets him go when they reach the Jeep and he moves around to the other side of the vehicle, heading for the passenger seat. “Also Chris has a parent-teacher night next week and you are not making me go to that alone, last time I went without you, Casey’s mother tried to trick me into—”
“Wait!”
Eddie stops, glancing up at Buck in confusion only to see him striding around the tail end of the Jeep. Eddie has about three seconds to react before Buck’s lips are on his and he is being pressed into the side of the passenger's door.
Buck’s hands are on his hips, his grip is firm and confident, and Eddie all but melts into him, his hand comes up to rest against Buck’s chest as he groans into the kiss, letting his mouth fall open. Buck takes it as the invitation it is and soon they are making out against Buck’s Jeep like a couple of teenagers. There will be time for slow, soft kisses later, right now Eddie will take everything Buck will give him, he has waited far too long for this.
He slides his hands down and around to the small of Buck’s back and toys with the hem of his shirt until he can slip his hands underneath and push them up the warm, broad expense of Buck’s back. Buck arches into his touch and nips at Eddie’s lower lip. And then he's gone, back on the other side of the truck and climbing into the driver's seat, leaving Eddie cold and panting against the side of the vehicle, his head fogging and dazed.
He rips open the door and climbs in next to Buck, punching him in the shoulder as he buckles his seatbelt.
“You are such a tease.” He folds his arms and stares crossly out the window. But Buck just reaches over and tugs one of his hands out, kisses the back of it softly.
“You love me.” And Eddie melts once again.
“I do.” It's worth it to see the pleased smile that plasters itself across Buck’s face.
“Okay, we need to make tracks, Abuela will be wondering where you got to.” Buck turns the key in the ignition.
The moment Christopher sees Buck’s Jeep pull up he is racing down off Abuelas porch as fast as his legs will carry him and waiting by the driver's door for Buck to get out of the truck.
“Buck!” His delight is obvious and matches the warmth bubbling in Buck’s chest as he launches himself out of the vehicle and wraps his hands around Christopher's waist, lifting him into the air and letting himself get rained in childish giggling.
“Superman! Oh, I have missed you!” He lugs Chris up against his chest and wraps his arms around him, tightly squeezing until Christopher starts wriggling to be let go. Eddie sees the moment Buck catches onto the knowing look that Abuela gives Eddie when they arrive together and he delights in the high flush that spreads across Buck’s cheeks.
When they get back to the house, Buck instantly enrolls Christopher's help with cooking dinner, perching him on a stool by the kitchen bench and helping him by rolling out the dough for pizza bases. Both Buck and Chris somehow manage to get flour all through their hair and pizza sauce smeared across both of their faces. While the pizzas are cooking Eddie directs them both through the shower at lightning speed.
They opt for a TV dinner, it is movie night after all and Chris insists that Buck sits in the middle as the title scene from Moana displays across the screen. Before the first song even finishes Eddie has managed to sneak his arm around Buck's waist and he revels in the way that Buck leans back into his touch, preening under the look of pure wonderment that is spread so plainly across Buck’s face when he glances back at Eddie. Eddie squeezes his waist and presses a subtle kiss to the back of Buck’s shoulder.
Chris is yawning even before Dwayne Johnson finishes singing for the first time and Eddie is at least a little bit impressed that the boy manages to stay awake until the credits start rolling.
“Buck? Will you read another chapter of The Lightning Thief with me?” Chris turns wide blue eyes up at Buck.
“You’re still reading that one?” Buck raises an eyebrow. “We were over halfway through it.”
“Yeah.” Chris shuffles to the edges of the couch and uses one hand on Buck’s thigh to leverage himself to his feet. “Didn’t wanna finish it without you.”
Eddie is always abundantly impressed at how good Buck is at hiding his emotions, usually for the wrong reasons, but in this moment as his eyes gloss up and his bottom lip trembles, Eddie is astounded that Buck manages to carry on without bursting into tears. Eddie’s own heart squeezes with admiration and love for his son, for both of his boys.
“Oh.” Buck says softly. “Of course I will, Superman. You go brush your teeth and I’ll be right behind you.”
“Okay. Goodnight, Dad.” Chris’ arms wrap tightly around Eddie’s neck and Eddie presses a kiss to the side of his son’s head.
“Goodnight, Buddy.” Christopher disappears down the hallway and Buck turns those same glossy eyes on Eddie.
“Eds,” Buck starts and then bites down hard on his bottom lip. Eddie reaches out and grasps Buck’s chin between his fingers. He thumbs at his lip until he releases it and then uses that grip he has on Buck’s chin to turn his head as he leans in and presses a firm kiss to one of Buck’s flushed cheeks.
“We’ve missed you around here.” Eddie whispers in his ear and listens to the way Buck’s breath hitches.
“I’ve missed you too.”
Eddie kisses the corner of his mouth and the arch of his brow before pulling away and reaching for their plates. “Go, I’ll clean up here.”
The night finally winds down and finds Buck and Eddie curled together under Eddie’s bedsheets. Eddie is curled comfortably around Buck, appreciating the warm, strong expanse of his back pressed snuggly against Eddie’s chest until Buck rolls over so fast that Eddie almost falls out of bed. Buck's arms bracket him in as he plants a hand on either side of Eddie’s face and stares down at him with those wide, blue eyes. Eddie can barely contain his laughter at the shocked and panicked look on the face looming above him.
“Hello,” He says in surprise and amusement. “You all good?”
Buck stares down at him, his eyes flicking back and forth between Eddie’s eyes and his lips.
“I love you.” Buck blurts out, bright blue staring straight into Eddie’s soul.
“Ah ha?” The bedsheets shift along with Buck’s weight as he drops down onto his elbows, bringing his face even more temptingly close to Eddie's.
“I know I said it before, at the station.” Buck’s words are all rushed and jumbled together. “But I do, I love you too.”
Eddie smiles quietly, his hand reaching up to cup the side of Buck’s face, his fingers playing with the way his hair curls around his temples. He needs a haircut but Eddie won’t tell him that. He likes this softer-looking Buck, relaxed and genuine, letting his emotions show plainly on his face. Eddie knows intuitively that this is a real smile, not the carefully poised one Buck has learned to plaster on and hide behind.
“I love you too,” Edie says. It’s whispered like a promise and Buck practically turns to mush right in front of him, melting into a pool all over Eddie’s chest.
“You lied about getting a dog, didn’t you?” Eddie says quietly as the minutes pass between them, running his fingers through Buck’s hair where he lies.
“Yeah. I’m sorry.” Buck replies shyly and pushes into Eddie's touch. Eddie scratches his nails against Buck’s scalp and the other man practically purrs. “I panicked.”
“It was a very bad lie. You live in an apartment, Buck. I don’t think you’re even allowed pets on your lease, are you?”
“No.”
Eddie chuckles and kisses the top of Buck’s head, He wraps both arms around him tightly, and as he lays there for a moment, feeling Buck’s chest expanding against his own, he realizes that he doesn’t want to miss another minute of this, ever again. He wants Buck with him, always. If he could, Eddie would carve out a space inside his chest and tuck Buck in there so that neither of them would ever have to be alone again. It wouldn’t be very practical, he knows that. But it's the truth and if he can’t have that then he might just know the next best thing.
“You know,” He starts lightly like he’s reading an interesting quote out of a newspaper or contemplating making a cup of tea. “ We could get a dog.”
Buck sits up again, resting his palms against Eddie’s chest. “What do you mean ‘ we ’?”
“Well, if you lived here then we could get a dog together. I’m sure Chris would love it, he’s been begging for a pet ever since you took him to that petting zoo last April.”
Buck just stares at him and so he reaches up and brushes the backs of his knuckles against Buck’s cheek, tracing the ridge of his brow and smoothing over his birthmark with his thumb.
“You want me to live here? With you?”
“And with Chris. Sorry, but unfortunately we are a package deal.”
“There is literally nothing unfortunate about that. I- Eddie.”
“You can think about it, okay.” He smiles up at Buck fondly and leans up to press a kiss to his jaw. “The offer stands whatever you decide. You still have your loft and your lease.”
“Eddie.” Buck kisses him softly. “Of course I want to. Besides, I don't really care about my lease, I mean I was-”
“You were practically living here before you misheard me waxing lyrical about you in the bunkrooms.”
Buck blushes. “Yeah. And it was perfect.”
“Living here or my poetry?” Eddie teases.
“Living with you, asshole. Misoverhearing you and Hen sent me into a tailspin for an entire month.”
“Yeah?”
Buck’s face crumples and Eddie runs one hand up Buck’s side as he revels in the closeness of him. “The loft felt so dead when I went back. And my fridge was empty.”
“Your fridge was empty?”
“Yeah.” Buck sounds so glum, as though there's some sort of profound importance to having an empty fridge.
“But then you filled it, yeah? Like, you brought groceries.” Eddie asks and Buck shakes his head. “What have you been eating then?”
“Takeaways.”
“For a whole month! Wow, even I’m not that bad.”
But even as he says it he suddenly understands that there are two very different conversations happening here. Buck’s fridge was empty and instead of filling it with nutritional food, the kind he loves to cook with and create the meals he shares so freely, he has been filling up on takeaways. Easy food, temporary sustenance only to still be left with his empty fridge. If that’s not a metaphor, Eddie doesn’t know what is.
“Well, there is food in my fridge and you are most welcome to it.” Eddie kisses him again and Buck smiles against his lips.
“Thank you.”
“I love you.” Eddie tells him.
“I know.”
“Dick.”
Eddie barely suppresses a string of very colorful language as he stubs his toe against the corner of one of the pellets. He turns around to see Turbo scuttling off in the other direction after running into Eddie’s legs.
Buck had insisted on getting a dog from the pound, and Turbo and Chris had fallen in love with each other from the moment they met. He had been a stray that got hit by a car, and his back right leg never healed correctly. That, however, does not stop him from ripping around the yard and getting under everyone’s feet. He also insists on sleeping on the end of Christopher’s bed every night, although he needs a bit of assistance to pull himself up onto the mattress.
Buck comes out the back door, hammer in one hand and a bone in the other. He calls out to Turbo and then throws him the bone which he takes and settles with it in the back corner of the lawn, out of the way finally.
“How are we getting on out here?” Buck asks, coming to stand beside Eddie.
“The foreman is being a menace.” He says referring to Turbo.
“He’s just trying to help.”
“Getting in the way more like. Do you know how many times he has stuck his head between the planks and the framing? He’s lucky I haven’t put a nail through his nose!”
“Hmm.” Buck kisses his cheek as he loops an arm around Eddie’s waist and settles into his side. “So just the ramp to go on now?”
“Yup. Chris should be home in an hour, Abuela said they stopped for ice cream on the way.” Eddie takes the hammer from his outstretched hand and slips out of Buck’s hold to hoist the ramp into place. Buck holds it steady while Eddie starts to nail it down. There was a lot of planning that went into building this treehouse. Buck went on many late-night YouTube binges which often resulted in Eddie getting woken up at 3 am so that he could show him what cool design aspect he had been looking into. Eddie would usually be more annoyed at being woken up but even in the two months since Buck’s lease expired and he ‘officially’ moved in with Eddie and Chris, the novelty of waking up to Buck’s face has not worn off. He’s not sure it ever will.
“I think that kid has an ice cream problem. We may need to stage an intervention.” Buck says sternly.
“And who do you think caused that?” Eddie pokes Buck in the side with the hammer and Buck squirms away, almost dropping the ramp in the process.
By the time Abuela and Pepa pull into the driveway with Chris, the back door is closed and Eddie is sitting on the couch, both he and Buck freshly showered. Abuela and Pepa are staying for dinner. Buck has made some kind of pasta he has been perfecting with Bobby and Eddie takes great pride in watching his boyfriend ( boyfriend!) bustle around the kitchen, dishes strewn everywhere as he dances away to Taylor Swift.
“Hey, Superman!” Buck calls as soon as Chris gets in the door. “Can you come and taste this for me please?”
Christopher disappears into the kitchen with only a passing hug to Eddie as he makes his way to the door to greet his Abuela and Tia Pepa.
“Eddito! It’s so good to see you!” Abuela says as she squishes Eddie’s cheeks between her soft hands. She's been visiting from El Paso for a couple of weeks and has been complaining since the day she arrived that she doesn’t want to go back.
Eddie kisses both women on the cheek and shows them into the house. Not much has changed since Buck moved in. It’s a little more cluttered now, Bucks books lining the shelves and there are a lot more plants than Eddie would ever consider caring for on his own. It brings him a special kind of joy to see all of Buck’s belongings mixed with his own, a visual reminder of how entwined and integral Buck has always been in his and Chris’ lives and will continue to be for a long time to come.
Later that evening, Chris does not even try to contain his enthusiasm or the high-pitched squeal that bursts out of him when Buck and Eddie unveil his new tree house. It's really only three feet off the ground and wraps around and between the trunks of two of the bigger trees in their back garden but you would think they had built him a NASA-certified rocket ship for the amount of excitement the boy exudes. Both Buck and Eddie are rewarded with ginormous hugs for their efforts before he clambers up the ramp with Turbo at his heels.
“It looks good. Are you happy?” Eddie asks Buck as they stand in the backyard watching Chris and Turbo play pirates while Abuela and Pepa watch on from the back porch. Eddie pushes closer to Buck’s side, one arm around Buck’s back while he slides his other hand around Buck’s middle and into the front pocket of his hoodie. Buck’s hand joins his a moment later, intertwining their fingers.
“Yeah,” Buck kisses his temple and his nose, and his cheekbone. “I really am.”
The words whispered in Eddie’s ear send a shiver down his spine and he thanks whatever part of the universe Buck believes in that he gets to have this.