Chapter Text
September 12
One more minute. He had one more minute before the alarm on his phone would blare at 6:05am, giving him and Teddy exactly fifty five minutes to get up, fed, dressed, and out of the house. It was the same routine every day Teddy had school or Remus had a morning shift. If there was one thing about Remus it was that he stuck to his routines and he was never late. It was always 6:05am on morning work days. Never later.
He reached for his phone at the first ring, tapping around blindly until he hit the stop button. It would’ve been more useful if he were asleep instead of laying on his back staring up at his ceiling with cracked paint, but nonetheless now it was 6:05am and it was time to get up.
He pulled back the covers and rolled out of bed, his joints cracking with every minimal movement. Two days until the moon. This is when the pain began to spike and it didn’t tend to go away until the day after the moon, assuming his injuries weren’t too severe. He didn’t have time to wallow, not today. He had to get Teddy up and ready for his first day of school and then rush across town without a car to make it on time for his 8am shift, just to work for six and a half hours then turn around and get Teddy again. He groaned at just the thought of it all, though stumbled his way to the bathroom anyway.
Flipping on the switch, he flinched away from the bright bathroom lights shining down onto him. He met his eyes in the mirror and slowly ran his hands down his face, wanting to punch the boy looking back on him. He hadn’t slept all night and now was absolutely not the time for his body to start shutting down. He had to make it through this day. And then the next. And the next. And the–
“Fuck.” Remus let out another groan and dropped his eyes, looking over the rest of his body in the mirror. He ran his fingers over the two horizontal scars on his chest, glancing over at his wall calendar. Right, T. Don’t forget T. T was every 12th and 26th of the month, at exactly 8pm (earlier if it fell on a full moon). Out of all the injuries he endured every month from the moon, for some reason stabbing his leg with a needle was still the hardest thing for him to do. He’d been doing it for years and yet the thought of it still made him squirm.
He gently tapped the small golden dagger necklace he wore around his neck that landed right below his collarbones, not having taken it off since Marlene gifted it to him two birthdays ago. He ran his hands down his chest to his sides, his fingers gently tracing over the deeper scratches all the way down until he got to his hip. The top of the bite mark was the only part visible since he was wearing boxers, but Remus didn’t care to see the whole thing. It was just a constant reminder he was fucked.
He took a deep breath and began his morning routine, careful not to miss a step or misplace anything. First he’d put deodorant on (left then right arm), then he’d brush his teeth (tapping it three times on the sink once he was done), then he’d attempt to fix his hair, though that usually was just him running his fingers through it and calling it good. He looked at his face in the mirror, hating the way the bathroom lights illuminated all the scars. He had made it until he was 13 years old before he finally scratched open his own face, leaving scars so deep they’d never fade. He could at least hide the scars on his body, but these? These were visible to everyone. With another huff he ended the routine with a small knock on the wall by the light switch. Every morning. Same routine.
He walked back into his bedroom and changed into black jeans, shoving his work shirt and apron into his backpack before pulling on a t-shirt and one of his jumpers. It was cozier for the walk to and from his destinations and also he didn't necessarily like the idea of showing up to school dressed in his work uniform. Everyone else was adults with families and kids and real jobs and then there was Remus. 24, raising a 7-year-old alone, and working nearly full time at a diner where he got shouted at all day from bitchy, stuck up customers. There was no shame in the job but…well…Remus just didn’t love it.
Once he was dressed and had his bag packed, he walked down the hall to Teddy’s room, pushing open the door to see his son still tucked into bed, clutching a dog stuffed animal to his chest. It was moments like this where Remus wanted to just call in sick and instead stay in all day with Teddy, cuddling on the couch and watching their favorite movies together. He was so small and yet he was getting so old. Seven. Remus could hardly believe it.
“Hey, Teds…” Remus knelt by his son’s bed, reaching a hand out to rub his back gently.
“Hmm?” The little boy rolled over so he was facing Remus now, his eyes slowly opening.
“You gotta get up, we have to go get ready for your first day of school.” Remus ran his hand through Teddy’s curls, which were currently a bright blue. That’s new. When Remus tucked him in last night his hair was purple. No surprise there though, Teddy loved changing his hair. His other parent was a metamorphmagus. They were fully able to warp and change their body in whatever ways they wanted, they could be a whole new person in the blink of an eye. Teddy however was only part metamorphmagus and so far was only able to change small parts of himself like his hair. Remus wasn’t sure if that would change overtime, but he didn’t like to think about it too much. Remus wanted them both as far away from the magic world as was possible, which was mildly difficult with Remus’ monthly transformations. He didn’t use magic around the house though, and if he did it was never around Teddy. Teddy knew there was a magical world, knew about Remus being a werewolf, knew a little bit about his other parent, but he didn’t know much other than that. As of right now, Teddy was showing no signs of having magic and Remus didn’t mind keeping it that way.
“I don’t feel good…” Suddenly Teddy’s voice was very small, the stuffed toy hugged tighter to his chest.
“What doesn’t feel good?” Remus knew this game, in fact he played this game all the time when he was younger, but he tried not to dismiss his kid’s feelings. Either he was really sick or he was just trying to get out of school, but either way they would talk about it.
“My st–...uh…my head. Yeah, my head. It hurts.” Teddy stumbled to find a body part that would be the most likely to get him out of school.
“Hmm…” Remus brushed Teddy’s curls away from his eyes, giving him a gentle smile. “It doesn’t feel like you have a fever. Is this perhaps because you don’t want to go to school?”
“I–” Teddy was sitting up in bed now, looking sadly down at the sheets. “Yeah…I don’t wanna go to school.”
“Why not, kid? You love school, hm? You’ll get to see your friends and Mrs. Molly will be your teacher this year.”
“I just don’t want to have homework and be stuck in classes! I…I want to stay here with you.”
Remus felt his heart shatter at his words, nodding his head to the concerns. He understood. If Remus could stay home all day too, he would. Teddy was a homebody. He liked to be with Remus, liked to be at home, never did well at sleepovers, had hard times when he had to stay with Marlene on full moon nights, but school wasn’t negotiable.
“I get it, but I’m not even going to be home today. I have to go to work and then before you know it, I’ll be picking you back up, okay? After school we can go get some ice cream to celebrate, how about that?” They didn’t necessarily have the funds to go splurge on ice cream, but Remus would just use some of his tip money. One cone wouldn’t break the bank.
“Really? You promise?” Teddy had a smile on his face now, dropping his stuffed dog onto the bed next to him.
“Yeah, pinky promise.” Remus held out his pinky, Teddy latching his small pinky with his. “Now c’mon, we gotta get ready to go so we’re not late.”
Teddy got up after that, Remus helping him pick out a first day of school outfit. They landed on corederay green dungarees and a t-shirt with bugs on underneath. Remus attempted to help tame Teddy’s curl but, like his own, there was only so much he could do before he had to accept defeat.
They made it to the kitchen a few minutes later, Remus filling the tea kettle and setting it onto the stove while Teddy took his seat at their kitchen table. “Do you want strawberry or blueberry?” Remus asked from where he now stood in front of the open fridge, looking at the barren shelves. He really needed to go to the store, but he also had to pay rent and Teddy would need his new school supplies and Remus desperately needed new work shoes that didn’t have a hole in them. He felt the beginnings of a headache forming, barely registering Teddy’s answer.
“Strawberry, please. Could I also maybe have some toast with jam?” Remus reached forward to grab the strawberry yogurt and a spoon from the drawer.
“Yeah, kid. It’ll be a minute on that though, the bread has to warm up.” Remus brought the food to the table for Teddy, looking around their apartment to make a mental note of the other errands he had to run.
Their place was small but it was home. There were two bedrooms, one bath, a small kitchen connected to the little dining area and a living room just big enough to fit a couch, a coffee table, and some bookshelves and toy boxes. Remus had the shelves stacked with all sorts of books, both for him and for Teddy, and decorated the place with plants, string lights, and some random thrifted decor he found. They had a TV, though it was small, and Remus had a record player on a side table with a few crates full of records. He didn’t get easily attached to material items, but these records were his prized possession. Some were from his mum, some were from friends, and the rest he just collected over time.
It wasn’t luxurious living but it was living nonetheless. Teddy didn’t mind, he seemed happy enough and Remus well…Remus was here, that’s all that mattered.
He zoned out again, watching the bread in the toaster while Teddy rambled away behind him at the table about some random story he had heard Luna tell him last week at daycare. Remus jumped at the toast popping up, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes again. Get it together.
He got Teddy’s breakfast ready, handed it over, and then went back to the kitchen to pack him a lunch. He made a plain turkey sandwich with nothing but meat and bread (Teddy’s preference), some sliced up carrots, and threw in a few mini chocolate cookies. He’d have to bring home something from work for dinner or figure out a way to make plain noodles sound way more interesting than they actually were.
He poured his tea and drank it silently, occasionally throwing glances over to Teddy who was happily eating away and swinging his legs underneath the table. Once he was finished, he took his plate up to the sink and plopped it down, not quite tall enough to properly wash the dish, though Remus wasn’t asking him to. They had a system for that too. Remus would wash, Teddy would dry, and they’d call it a day. The system worked. The system kept things organized.
“Daddy?”
“Hm?” Remus finished up the last of his drink, placing it in the sink to wash later.
“Are you sure I’ll love school?” Teddy looked up to Remus with a pair of wide eyes as he worried his lower lip.
Remus felt a pain in his chest at the words, nodding his head and squatting down despite the pain in his hip. “You’re gonna love it, Teddy. Your friends from last year and daycare will be there and you’ll learn new subjects this year. You love Mrs. Molly too, yeah? It’s going to be a load of fun. I heard you even get to go on fieldtrips this year.”
“Really!?” That got a smile out of Teddy, his dimples appearing as he flashed a toothy grin, one of his bottom teeth missing.
“Mhm! I’m not exactly sure where you’ll be going, but she mentioned it to us when I went to parent night a few days ago. It’s gonna be great, kid.”
“Okay…I believe you.” Teddy nodded his head and threw his arms around Remus for a quick hug before he pulled apart and ran back to his room to grab his things.
Remus smiled and watched him go, letting out a breath he didn't realise he was holding in.
*
“Daddy?” Teddy and Remus were walking hand in hand to the school, exactly on time. It was an 18 minute walk from the house and then another 25 minute walk to Remus’ work. Teddy’s school started at 7:30am, which gave them about 10 minutes of wiggle room should they get off schedule, and Remus’ morning shifts began right at 8. He always made it early so he’d have enough time to grab a cup of coffee and go outside for a smoke before diving into the hell that was customer service. Luckily today was a completely on time type of day so he wouldn’t have to worry about rushing over to work.
“Hm?” Remus glanced down at Teddy, who’s hair had already changed back to purple this morning when he was brushing his teeth.
“After school do you think I could get two scoops of ice cream? If I’m extra good today.”
“Mmm…we’ll see.” Remus reached his free hand over to ruffle the top of Teddy’s curls, giving him a small smile. The answer would be yes, it always was for Teddy. Remus grew up with everything taken from him, he didn’t want to turn around and do that to another kid. If Teddy wanted two scoops to celebrate his first day of school, then Remus would make sure he got them.
They walked the rest of the trip in a content silence, Teddy swinging their hands happily as they made their way to the school. Outside there were a lot of tears (both from parents and from kids), a lot of hugs goodbye, and a lot of laughter from friends being reunited. Teddy would be just fine.
He turned to ask him something when suddenly Teddy’s hair began to shift back to the bright blue it was this morning, Remus practically flew over to block Teddy out of view from everyone else. Teddy grew up in the muggle world and Remus had told him many times he wasn’t allowed to perform any magic of any sorts in front of muggles, but he was only 7 after all. Remus wasn’t mad, just didn’t necessarily want to get called into court for breaking the statue of wizard secrecy.
“Hey, hey…Teds, we can’t do that here, yeah? You can change your hair all you want at home and when we hang out with Marlene, but you can’t change your hair in front of people at school.” Remus moved away from Teddy now that his hair had successfully returned to its bright blue state.
Teddy looked down at the ground, his cheeks suddenly blushed pink. “I’m sorry daddy, I forgot.”
“It’s okay, kid.” Remus gave him a reassuring smile, reaching back down to take his hand with a small squeeze. “We just have to be careful, remember? Me and you are extra special and we gotta keep that a secret.”
Teddy nodded his head, giving Remus’ hand a squeeze in return as they made their way to the front of the door where other kids were saying bye to their parents and making their way inside.
Out of the corner of Remus’ vision, he felt a pair of eyes on him. Not necessarily threatening but he was being watched nonetheless. He flipped his head around to see someone staring at him, though the other man quickly ducked his head when Remus met his eyes.
Oh fuck.
Remus didn’t like to fall into cliches of crushes and goggling over pretty people but he felt his stomach fill with butterflies at the sight of this man. He had pale skin, greyish blue eyes, high cheekbones and a face that looked like it was sculpted by a professional artist. Then his hair. Oh fuck, his hair. He had black wavy curls, part of it pulled back with a red scrunchie while the rest fell down and landed right to the tops of his shoulders. He didn’t mean to stare, but this man was stunning.
Remus was getting better at not just giving in to impulses and hooking up with the first pretty person he saw but at this moment all he wanted to do was shove this man up against a wall and kiss down his neck until–
“Daddy?” Teddy tugged on Remus’ hand to pull him back to reality, Remus glancing down with a raised eyebrow.
“Hm?”
“I said, can I go in now? Everyone else is going in.” Teddy motioned to the classroom that was slowly filling up.
“Oh…uh, yeah. Yeah, you can go in.” Remus let go of his hand and bent down to place a kiss on top of his head. “Remember what we talked about, okay? I love you and I’ll see you right back out here at 3, not a second later.”
“Love you!” Teddy smiled and practically ran through the door once he was free of Remus’ hand, clearly no longer upset about having to go back to school.
Remus pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time. After his walk he’d have 13 minutes of time before his shift started which was the ideal time for a pre-work pep talk with Marlene and a quick smoke out back. She was constantly getting him to stop smoking, but Remus couldn’t help it. His body was already fucked, what more would cigarettes really do?
He turned to leave when a voice appeared behind him, shivers running up his spine. Remus flipped around and stood face to face with the pretty boy from earlier. “Hm?” Remus didn’t exactly hear what he had asked. He wasn’t fully here this morning, running off of no sleep and pre-moon pains.
“I asked if this was your kid’s first day at this school?”
“Oh uh…I mean, today is yeah. But I…I mean he went here last year too, though it was mostly just daycare. How much school can you really teach five and six year olds before they want to just play with toys, you know?” Jesus Christ, Lupin. Remus wanted to smack himself in the face, his words jumbled together in a flustered mess.
“Ha, yeah I suppose. Harry didn’t go here last year so it’s his first day at this school. I think they’re in the same class together though, him and your kid.” Pretty boy gave him a smile, ignoring the chaos of words he had just been met with.
“Oh, well welcome to school then. You’ll be greeted with lots of annoying PTA mums who think they’re the shit and a lot of tired teachers who are the best and definitely do not get paid enough.”
Pretty boy let out a laugh, Remus’ cheeks instantly dark red at the sound. Even his laugh was gorgeous. Remus didn’t necessarily think he was being all that funny, but if it made pretty boy laugh he’d take it.
“Thanks for the heads up. I guess we’ll have to stick together then. I’m Sirius, by the way. As in my name is Sirius but also I’m being serious about sticking together.” Sirius. Odd name but who was Remus to judge? Sirius held out his hand for Remus to shake, Remus obliging happily. The second their hands touched, Remus felt as if someone had lit his skin on fire briefly, pulling away from the grip instantly. He glanced down at Sirius’ hand, noticing the multiple rings on his fingers. Silver.
Remus coughed awkwardly and shoved his hand into his pocket, his skin still slightly tingling. “I’m Remus, nice to meet you.” He pulled out his phone to quickly glance at the time again, his heart thumping in his chest as he realised he was being thrown off his schedule. He now would only have 10 minutes of pre-work time. “Listen, I’m going to be late for work but I’m sure I’ll see you around.” Remus gave Sirius a smile and before he could say anything else, he quickly turned on his heels and began speed walking away from the hell that was that interaction and onto his way to the hell that would be the morning shift at the diner.
*
“Marlene, I need you to punch me in the face.” Remus flung open the door to the backroom where Marlene was sitting leant back in a chair, her feet up on the office table.
“Good morning sunshine, feeling happy this morning I see.” Marlene set her phone down and let the chair fall back to the ground, pulling her feet off the table. “What happened?”
Remus hung his bag on the hook, pulling off his jumper and grabbing his work shirt. He glanced around to make sure no one was about to walk in before he quickly stripped out of his t-shirt and tugged on the long sleeve work shirt that had their cafe name and logo on the back. “I’m just–” he huffed and shoved his shirt into his bag, pulling out the pack of cigarettes and lighter he had buried down at the bottom. “I met the prettiest person I’ve ever seen in my entire life and just made an absolute fool of myself.”
“Is this ‘I’m horny and want you in bed’ type of pretty or ‘Wow you’re beautiful and I can see a long happy future together’ pretty?”
“That’s not important!” Remus huffed out and dug around in his bag again, pulling out a granola bar that had been squashed down at the bottom. He didn’t eat breakfast and they were working with their manager today who was a stickler about the employees getting free food. He ripped open the bar with his teeth and shoved half of it into his mouth. “Both. Both, okay? Fuck me.” He chewed angrily, stomping to the back door and motioning for Marlene to follow him.
He lit up a cigarette and offered one over, though Marlene politely declined. Sometimes she’d smoke out here with him, but that was on rare occasions.
“Rem, you’re fine. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember it. He was probably getting all hot and bothered over you, too.” Marlene slid down to the ground next to Remus, both leaning up against the brick wall behind them.
Remus shoved the rest of the bar into his mouth before taking a drag, stowing the wrapper into his pocket. “I don’t know, I just lost it. I’m already stressed and then this gorgeous man just walks over to me and starts making small talk and then I realise he’s fucking up my time schedule I made to get to work and–”
“Deep breath, Lupin. You’re freaking out.” Remus loved Marlene for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest is that she never beat around the bush. She called Remus out and pointed out the obvious, not sugar coating what he needed to hear. “Forget about him for a bit, yeah? We don’t need pretty people ruining our day. How are you feeling other than that? You look…awful?” She tried to word it nicely, but clearly couldn’t even attempt a lie.
“Feel it too. I didn’t sleep last night and two nights before the moon is always when my body starts to freak out. My hip is killing me and I’m starving. Like…like I could probably eat four burgers right now and still be hungry starving. I don’t have any food in the house though and even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to eat enough to feel full or else Teddy wouldn’t have any food. Then there’s Teddy. He kept saying he didn’t feel well this morning and he just wanted to stay home with me and I feel so guilty because he has to go to school and I’m not even home anyway. Then I’ll be gone in two nights and he won’t be with me again and–”
“Hey, shhh..” Marlene reached a hand over to grab onto Remus’, giving it a tight squeeze. “You’re making me want to have a cigarette, Jesus christ.” Remus offered his over again jokingly but she shook her head with a smile. “Right, well we’ll make sure you get food, okay? We work in a diner, easy enough. Albus is an ass when it comes to free meals but I’m excellent at distracting and I will make sure we get you something to eat. I know I can’t just tell you to go to bed but Remus, you really gotta talk to someone about your sleep-”
“Marlene, you know I can’t. I’d have to lie too much and…and it’s fine. I’m fine, really. Just a weird morning. I’ll probably feel better after I eat. I told Teddy we’d go get ice cream after school, so that’ll be something to look forward to, too.”
“Remus, you–”
“Hey! What are you two doing out here? You need to be on the floor in one minute.” Albus poked his head out through the back door, shooting a glare to both Marlene and Remus before disappearing back into the shop.
“Alright, wolfy. Let’s go.” Marlene nudged his foot with hers and gave him a small smirk before pushing herself off of the ground.
Work went by surprisingly fast despite how hot tempered Remus was feeling, even after managing to sneak some food away from the kitchen to quickly scarf down. He tried to keep himself under control, and he did his best, until the last thirty minutes of his shift when he had to deal with someone who yelled at him because her coffee was too hot. He tried his best to stay calm, but after two minutes of straight shouting he stomped away and asked Marlene to handle it.
Albus told him to head home early after that. Remus would normally beg to stay for the money but he could survive without the extra half an hour of work. Once in the back, he quickly changed back into his t-shirt, forgoing the jumper because it’d be too warm for the walk back to school. His scars and cuts down his arms were visible, but right now he just couldn’t care. He felt stuffy and hot and the music in the shop was far too loud.
He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulders before rushing out of the breakroom and right past the counter where Marlene was currently restocking pastries.
“Lupin! Hey!” She called, but Remus didn’t stop. “I’ll come by later?”
Remus shot a thumbs up behind him as he exited the store and began the 25 minute back to Teddy’s school. He’d be far too early to pick him up, but it was better than being stuck in that diner for one minute longer.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Remus grumbled to himself, bringing his hands up to rub at his temples as he walked. He was hungry again and his head was pounding, as if someone was hammering into his skull with a mallet. “Stupid, fucking shit, fucking–” He didn’t know who he was talking to or about. Perhaps himself. Perhaps the customer who yelled. Perhaps Albus for being the worst manager. Regardless, he was properly worked up now, his forced deep breaths no longer helping. He glanced down at the pavement and focused on that instead, making sure not to step on any of the lines and instead step right in the middle of the squares. Control. Control. I have control. The steps eventually calmed him down enough to the point where he could think straight, though he felt like shit.
Luckily, he was at the school in no time, ready to just sit against the wall and wait for the bell to ring. He stopped in his tracks when he got outside the classroom, seeing Sirius already sitting on the ground with his legs crossed, a pair of earbuds in his ears.
“Sirius?” Remus walked over cautiously, the other man looking up and flashing him a smile. Fuck. Still beautiful. He ripped out his earbuds and patted the ground next to him as an invitation for Remus to join. Remus obliged with a wince as he sunk his body down to the ground, tossing his bag next to him. He looked down at his own arms, suddenly feeling very self conscious of the fact he wasn’t wearing anything to cover his skin. His arms were mangled, just like the rest of him, and he wasn’t in the mood to talk about it, should it come up in conversation. If Sirius was judging him, he didn’t make it apparent, seemingly only interested in Remus’ face.
“Are you also nervous about picking up your kid on the first day of school or am I just doing this whole parenting thing wrong?” Sirius asked with a smile, twirling the wires of his earbuds around his fingers.
“Mm..I like to be early, but actually I got off of my shift sooner than I was scheduled.” Well, more like asked to leave the store, but he didn’t need to share the nitty gritty details with this stranger. “You’re not doing anything wrong, trust me. It’s just great that you’re here and it’s totally normal to be nervous. Last year, for Teddy’s first year, I practically waited out front all day before a teacher told me to go walk it off and maybe get some coffee or something.” Remus smiled down at his fingers, wishing he had something to fiddle with as well. Normally he’d go for his sleeves but his jumper was tucked into his bag right now.
“Well hey, 30 minutes doesn't sound so bad then. Haven’t been asked to leave the premises yet. Harry didn’t go here last year, so I just want him to feel comfortable the whole day, even if that means me sitting on the hard ground while I wait for the door to open.”
“Oh, did you just move to town then?” It really wasn’t any of his business, but Remus was nosy and liked to know the details to everything, even if he never did anything with the information. It just felt nice to know. There was no harm in asking, he supposed.
“I uh…” Sirius kept his gaze down at his fingers, chewing on his lower lip. Wrong question. Wrong question. Wrong question.
“Sorry, that was invasive. You don’t have to tell me your whole background–”
“No! No, it’s okay. We’ve already lived in town, Harry just wasn’t in school. His parents were homeschooling him last year, so he wasn’t in class.”
Remus had about a million questions and he bit his tongue to not ask any of them. Was Harry not his kid then? Why did Sirius say he was doing parenting wrong? Did they co-parent? Was Sirius a babysitter? Related? Oh god, he may not even be single. He wears so many rings, one of those could be a wedding ring–
“Remus?”
“Hm?” Fuck. Spacing out again. After ice cream he was going to try and force himself to sleep, even if that required punching himself in the face to knock himself out. He couldn’t go another full day without rest, especially not so close to the full moon. Transformations were already getting tougher on his body and his new bouts of insomnia were not helping.
“I just asked you how Teddy has liked being here.”
“Oh, uh..yeah, yeah he likes school. He didn’t want to go in today, but I think that’s just cus he likes to be home and likes to be around me. I fear I may have coddled him a bit too much as a baby. He has a lot of friends in class though, so I know he’ll appreciate that he went. The kids in his grade are really lovely, I’m sure Harry is fitting right in.”
“I sure hope so. This year has been a lot on him and I just want him to be a kid, ya know? I don’t want him stuck in a world with grown up problems.” Remus did know. He was taken from his childhood far too early, forced to grow up at a young age, and be a father at only 17. He wished he’d had a different childhood, where his only worry was what lunch was going to be and if his favorite cartoon would be on after school, but the bite on his hip took that all away from him. “Sorry, I’m oversharing. I’ve been so stressed lately I think I’ve forgotten how to socialize like a normal adult.”
“You’re good, don't even worry about it. I constantly have to ask my best friend if I’m doing things correctly. Things being social interactions and other very boring, mundane adult tasks. She keeps me on track though, calls me out when I’ve said something ridiculous.”
“She sounds like a keeper. I definitely need someone like that.” Sirius glanced back over and gave Remus a grin, one dimple making an appearance.
Before Remus could respond, the bell rang and the doors to the classrooms opened up, kids slowly flooding into the halls. They both made their moves to get up, Sirius reaching a hand down to Remus for help. Remus glanced at his hand and debated if it would be worse to deal with the silver burn for a few moments or awkwardly decline the help. With a deep breath he reached forward to take Sirius’ outstretched hand, wincing at the pain shooting up his arm. He dropped it the moment he was on his feet, shoving his hand into his pocket as if that would fix the issue.
He felt something odd at their touch, something beyond just the burn of silver. He had a sinking feeling he knew what it was, but he also wanted to reward himself with as much denial as he could muster before the truth came spilling down over him. He didn’t want to associate with the magic world beyond his transformations and being with Marlene, but something was off. Remus’ senses were incredibly heightened this close to the moon, but even without, he had a sinking suspicion he’d still get that weird tingle in the pit of his stomach from their touch. Something was different about Sirius. No. No. No. No.
“Are you okay–” Sirius was cut off by a little boy running full speed at his body, crashing into Sirius’ legs for a hug. “Hey kid!” Sirius bent down to give Harry, Remus assumed, a proper hug. Harry didn’t look anything like Sirius. His skin was dark, he had bright green eyes, and his hair was dark brown and a mess of curls. It was similar to Teddy’s, though longer on the sides and not a neon color. Harry wore rounded thin framed glasses and he had a scar on his forehead that went down to the top of his eyebrow, resembling a crack on the pavement or maybe a lighting strike.
“Remus, this is Harry. Harry, this is my new friend, Remus.” Friend. Remus couldn’t hide the smile on his face at the words.
“Hey Harry, it’s nice to meet you. I like your backpack.” Remus pointed to his small bag that had a variety of sea creatures on it. Teddy had a similar one to that a few years ago, though he was beyond sea creatures now and instead had a fascination with both dinosaurs and jungle animals.
“Thanks! I love sea creatures! Sea turtles are my favorite. They’re super cool and their shells are really pretty. Daddy used to take me to the aqu–” He paused and looked at Sirius for help.
“Aquarium.”
“Yeah! The aquarium. We used to go there a lot and we’d see all sorts of animals!” Harry grinned, bouncing on his feet in excitement.
“That sounds awesome!” Remus gave him a smile, though quickly turned his head when he heard a familiar voice calling his name.
Teddy, who luckily still had blue hair, came running over to where Remus, Sirius, and Harry were, a huge grin on his face. He held up a marker drawing he had done in class with the proudest look upon his face. “Daddy, look what I drew! It’s you and me and Marlene!”
Remus took the drawing from him, smiling down at the stick figures. It sure was them. His little family. Next to the stick figures, Teddy had drawn a field of flowers and a sun with a smiley face in the corner of the page. “This is awesome, kid! We can hang it up when we get home, okay?”
“Will you show Marlene?! Will she love it?” Teddy was bouncing on his feet now too, reaching a hand over to grab onto Remus’.
“I will show Marlene and she will absolutely love it,” Remus gave Teddy’s hand a squeeze, glancing back over to Sirius and Harry. “Teds, this is Sirius and Harry. Harry’s in your class.”
“Yeah! We played with each other during recess. He pushed me on the swings and then I pushed him on the swings after. We took turns and the teacher said we were doing a good job.” Teddy glanced over to Harry with a grin, Harry matching his instantly. Remus would do anything to be a kid and have this much energy again, even just for an hour. Where swingsets and stick figures were the only things on his mind. Not the bills, or angry customers, or work, or T-shots, or what ot make for dinner, or the full moon in two days, or–
“Daddy! Let’s go get ice cream.” Teddy tugged on Remus’ hand impatiently. There was a small part of Remus that would’ve hoped Teddy would’ve forgotten about their deal and instead they could go straight home, but Teddy never really forgot about things.
“Hey, deep breaths. We don’t want to be rude.” Remus shook his head slightly to Teddy, looking up to see Sirius smirking at him. “Right, well we’re off. I promised Teds I’d get him ice cream. I’ll see you around though?”
“Yeah! I’ll see you, enjoy your ice cream.” Both Sirius and Harry gave a wave goodbye as Remus and Teddy turned around and made their way down the road to the ice cream shop.
*
7:55pm. Five minutes. Teddy had just been put down to bed and Remus was currently pacing around his bedroom in nothing but a baggy t-shirt and boxers, not sure how to occupy his time. He turned to make his way to the bathroom when a knock on the door echoed against the wall, Remus ceasing his motions.
No one was supposed to be here. He hadn’t made any plans, not that he remembered, not this late on a school night. He glanced at his phone. Four minutes. “Fucking, christ. Fuck…” Remus huffed and cautiously walked to the door, forgoing his safety for the sake of needing to get back to the bathroom at exactly 8:00pm for his T shot.
He glanced through the peephole of his door, letting out a huge breath when he saw Marlene on the other end. He unlocked the door and swung it open with raised eyebrows. Marlene met him with a smile, her blonde short hair pulled back into a weak attempt at a ponytail.
“I come bearing tasty, greasy, filling pizza. There’s four different types of meat on here. The smell kinda makes me want to gag, but anything for you–”
“I can’t talk.” Remus flipped back around once she was inside, walking straight back to the bathroom without waiting for a response.
Marlene huffed dramatically and set the pizza down onto the table before following right after Remus, meeting him in the bathroom. “Excuse me?” She let out a laugh, shaking her head at the rude welcome.
“I just…” Remus crouched down to the cabinet below the sink, muttering something under his breath and unlocking the door. He didn't use his wand and only used wandless magic when absolutely necessary, such as locking up needles and medications so his 7-year-old wouldn’t get into it. Wandless magic wasn’t something that came naturally to every wizard, though Remus was somehow gifted to know quite a lot. One win for all the losses, he supposed. “I have to do this at 8:00pm and if I’m late then I’m going to feel wrong and I just–”
Marlene cut him off, moving to lean against the sink. “You’re good, do your thing.” She had been Remus’ friend all the way back during their first year at Hogwarts, despite being in different houses. They had met during a study group together and stayed close even after Remus dropped out. They met when they could on weekends and holidays after that and Marlene decided to move out with him when Remus’ mum got sick and could no longer look after Teddy. Now she lived down the hall from him and they both landed the same shitty job at the diner. Remus was so unbelievably thankful he had Marlene in his life. He wouldn’t be able to do any of this without her.
She found out he was a werewolf during their second year and, after a huge breakdown of ‘you can’t tell anyone, I’ll be kicked out’, Marlene and Remus became closer than ever. She of course never told anyone and she came to help him after every full moon. She had been with him through everything. She was there the moment Teddy was dropped off at his doorstep with nothing but a note, she was there when his mental health started getting bad, she was there during the days Remus couldn’t get out of bed, she was there every full moon to watch Teddy and tend to Remus when he arrived back. Marlene was his rock. She understood him like no one else and, luckily in this moment, she understood he couldn’t mess up his routine, that he had to give himself the shot exactly on time.
Remus grabbed the supplies he needed and sat himself down on the closed toilet seat, his eyes on the clock. “Is this what the doctor’s would call a mental health crisis? Be honest.” Remus glanced over to Marlene with a smirk.
“Mm..yeah, I’d confidently say so.” Marlene looked away when Remus got the needle ready and stabbed it into his thigh. She was quite squeamish around needles too.
“I know it’s ridiculous. It’s fine if I do it at 8:01pm but I just…can’t. I feel so wrong and I feel out of control. I don’t know why this moon has me so fucked up but everything just…feels extra bad this month.” Remus pulled the needle out and tossed it into the sharps disposal box he kept under the sink. He locked the cabinet with another mumbled spell, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes. “Alright, boy juice is done. Shall we go eat now?”
“I know Rem, it’s okay. You’re doing your best and…well…that’s all that matters, yeah? You can’t control any of the rest of it.” Control. That was the issue. He had no control over anything in his life except his little routines. It all got bad about three years ago. He had a bit of a breakdown one night after putting Teddy down and ever since then he found comfort in routines and compulsions. It was a nasty cycle. The more he engaged with the routines and compulsions, the more he fed into his anxiety while also simultaneously relieving said anxiety. He couldn’t rest without doing them. He didn’t necessarily feel as if something bad would happen if he was off by a few minutes or didn’t do a routine perfectly but he just wouldn’t feel complete. He’d think about it all day until it drove him mad. His desperate attempt of control just turned into one more thing controlling him.
“But yes, now that you’re all juiced up, let’s go eat disgusting pizza.” Marlene nudged Remus with her elbow and led them both out of the bathroom and into the living room.
*
Remus shoved the last of the pizza crust into his mouth, wiping his hands on the napkin. He had scarfed down four full slices, Marlene only eating one. He was hungry enough that he could most likely finish it off, but he’d appreciate himself tomorrow if he saved some for leftovers.
“You know that guy I met earlier at Teddy’s school?” Remus leaned back on the couch, his head tilted towards Marlene.
“The one you want to shag against a wall but also see a beautiful future with?”
“Ha, yeah…suppose so. Anyway, somethings off with him. I touched his hand and…it just felt different. I think he’s magic, Marls.”
“As in, you think he’s wonderful and special or you think he’s a wizard who is actually magical?”
“Marlene!” Remus laughed, though covered his mouth when he realised he was being loud and Teddy was asleep down the hall. “I barely know this guy, we don't have a future, knock it off. He could be special, but what I mean is wizard magic.”
“Oh! What’s his name? Maybe we went to school together?”
“Sirius.”
“Black?!” She shouted, perking her body up at the name.
“Shh!” Remus shook his head, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “I uh…no…he isn’t bl–”
“No, you idiot. His last name, is it Black?”
“I don’t know, we didn’t get to the details of our full names and family histories. How long did you think I talked to him today, honestly?”
“What’d he look like?” She dismissed his other comments with a wave of her hand.
“Uh…gorgeous? He has wavy black hair and pale skin, grey eyes. He’s tall but not as tall as me. Uh…I don’t know? He wore a lot of jewelry and he had a bit of a punk look to him, but not to an obnoxious level.”
“Holy fuck, you’re crushing on Sirius Black! No fucking way…”
“Marlene, I don’t understand the significance. Were you friends? I’m not in the mood for guessing games.”
“We used to date! Briefly back in fifth year before we both realised we were very queer and very much not attracted to each other. I lost my virginity to him which is…a lot.” Marlene let out another laugh of disbelief, a huge smile on her face. “I can’t believe he lives here and has a kid? There’s no way. Sirius Black never wanted kids.”
“I don’t really think he’s biologically related, honestly. Harry doesn’t really look like him. Obviously there’s a million explanations for that and I’m not judging but I don’t know.”
Marlene’s face dropped at the mention of Harry’s name, similar to the way Sirius looked when Remus asked him if he had just moved to town. “What?” Remus asked, fearing he messed up again, like he crossed a boundary he didn’t know was set.
“Harry was James and Lily’s kid. You remember them? I don’t think you ever really knew them at Hogwarts, but James and Sirius were best friends, brothers really. They died a few months ago in a car crash. I didn’t even think about Harry, it makes sense he’s with Sirius now. I lost touch with them all years ago, only met Harry once when he was a few months old.”
“Oh fuck…Marlene, I didn’t know. I…I’m sorry.” Remus reached a hand forward to grab onto Marlene’s, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“No, it’s okay, really. I was close with James and Lily at school and…you know I miss them, but…we just grew apart the last few years. I can’t even imagine how it impacted Sirius though.” Marlene gave Remus’ hand a squeeze back, glancing down at the couch. “Fuck…I cant believe he’s here. Can I come with you to drop Teddy off tomorrow?”
“No, absolutely not.”
“What! Why not?”
“Because, Marls. I just met this guy and I don’t want to overwhelm him with a Hogwarts reunion against his will. If the crash just happened, I don’t know if he’d want to…I don’t know? Be associated with old friends. Suppose it’s not my place to assume, but let me talk to him first, yeah? Get to know him a bit. I’ll name drop you though, let him know you live in town too.”
“Fine…” Marlene nodded, not bothering to argue on the matter. Remus won most arguments and there was no use fighting so close to the full moon. Remus was too hot tempered and he’d snap at Marlene if it came down to it, even if he didn’t mean to. They learned years ago that sometimes things were better left then argued about.
“Hey Marls?”
“Hm?”
“Sirius is he…is he a good person? I mean…like…you like him, yeah? He’s an alright guy?” Remus no longer looked at Marlene and focused on the couch underneath him as if the cushions were the most fascinating thing in the whole world.
“He’s a good guy, Remus. I promise. I loved him and he was a great boyfriend at the time, an even better friend after. He’s impulsive and a bit of a loud mouth but he loves deeply and cares for his friends. He…yeah, yeah he’s good.”
Remus had been hurt so many times in the past by random hookups and short lived relationships. Even with Tonks and their fast paced and exciting relationship, it never felt right. They were an alright person, but they made Remus feel like shit a lot of the time. They snapped at him for nothing and they argued all day about petty things. They were barely together for three months, their relationship dying off when Remus started getting his life back together and no longer was living on impulse and reckless decisions. They broke it off when Tonks was unknowingly pregnant and eight months later they dropped a baby, his baby, off at his door with little to no explanation, never making an appearance again. He didn’t want to be hurt again by shitty people, didn’t want any more surprises like that. He wasn’t dating Sirius, didn't even know if he liked him like that, but he wouldn’t put the energy into it if there was a chance of Sirius turning out to be an arse. Remus was a mess in a lot of ways, but he’s grown to learn he doesn’t deserve to be in a dynamic where people walk all over him and treat him like he’s nothing.
“Okay…” Remus nodded to himself, the faintest of smiles on his lips.
*
September 13
So the day started out rough. Remus had managed to sleep for around four hours, but still could barely get out of bed when his alarm went off. His body was aching, his hip was killing him, he was hungry and grumpy, and to top it off Teddy decided he no longer liked his normal breakfast of yogurt and toast. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, really, but Remus had just gone to the store and got him a pack of the nice yogurts he liked, as a treat. Teddy refused to eat it though and threw quite the tantrum when Remus told him he didn’t have any other options. They had no food in the house, unless he wanted cold leftover pizza. Remus eventually gave in and just settled on making Teddy a cheese toastie, ignoring the fact it was absolutely not breakfast food. Stick to the routine. Stick to the routine. Stick to the routine–
Teddy was seven. Teddy was a kid who changed his mind about his favorite things. Who threw tantrums over yogurt, who refused to wear matching clothes, who didn’t want to go to bed without at least one bedtime story. He was a kid and Remus couldn’t fight him about that.
Pushing all his own discomfort aside, he gave in to what Teddy wanted and continued on with his morning. He focused his mind on the other errands he had to run before school was out and his night shift began. Library, grocery store, laundry. Easy, he could do that. He’d put music on and skip the cracks in the sidewalk and count to five and back down if he got overwhelmed. He could do that.
The walk to school was quiet as normal, Remus too tired to engage in conversation and Teddy happily stuck in his own little world until they managed to get to the front of the school exactly 12 minutes before the bell rang.
“I’ll get you after school but Marlene is going to watch you tonight until after my shift, okay?” Remus knelt down in front of Teddy, giving him a small smile. “Love you, kid.”
“Okay! Love you too, daddy! See you later!” As if the morning argument never happened at all, Teddy threw his arms around Remus’ neck in a hug goodbye before running off to greet his friends who were already in the classroom. Remus watched him go with a smile on his face before pushing his body back off the floor. Library, grocery store, laundry. Library, grocery store, laundry. Library, grocery store–Sirius?”
He flipped around when he heard his name called, Sirius and Harry waving at Remus. “Hey, come here often?” Sirius teased, throwing a wink in Remus’ direction before saying his goodbyes to Harry.
“You’re a comedian, did you know that?” Remus shoved his hands into his pockets while he waited, Harry eventually running off to the classroom as well.
“Thank you, I really try. How are you this fine and early morning?” Sirius took a few steps towards Remus, looking stunning as always. His hair was pulled back into two french braids and he wore black jeans with an old Queen t-shirt. His fingers were covered in rings again and he wore a small chain necklace around his neck.
“Oh you know.” Remus shrugged up his shoulders with a small chuckle, his cheeks bright red all of a sudden. “Did damage control with a seven year old who decided he no longer wanted to eat the breakfast he’s been eating for weeks.”
“A classic Wednesday morning as a parent.” Sirius gave him a teasing smile before looking down at his boots he was wearing. “Could I buy you a coffee? I wish I could come up with a brilliant excuse as to why, but I really just think you’re great and quite beautiful and would love to take you out.”
Sirius Motherfucking Black. Marlene didn’t warn him about this. Remus opened his mouth to respond but found he was at a loss of words. No one had ever been so bold with him before, at least not like this. He’d have people at clubs tell him they wanted to take him home, wanted to kiss him up against the walls, wanted to bring him back to the bathroom and engage in what usually ended with a mediocre and faked orgasm. But a date? No, never that.
The library books in his bag suddenly weighed him down. Library, grocery store, laundry. He already had a plan today and he had to stick to it. He had to, he had to, he had to–
“Yeah, alright.” Remus nodded, not sure what came over him. He took his hands out of his pocket and motioned to the side. “Lead the way.”
And so Sirius did. The cafe was only about a five or so minute walk and they talked about their mornings, talked about the first day of school, talked about the joys of raising a six and seven year old. Nothing deep, but it was something.
After arriving and getting their drinks, Sirius led them both to a table closer to the back of the store where they were away from the other patrons.
“Sorry it’s a bit tucked away, this is my favorite place to sit though.” Sirius suddenly looked nervous, as if the reality that they were on a date only just kicked in.
“It’s wonderful, don’t worry about it.” Remus controlled the urge to just burst out his question about magic. He had to be cautious with what he said but after all, they were in a secluded part of the store. “Hey Sirius?”
“Hm?” Sirius set his mug of coffee down, raising up one of his eyebrows.
“Uh…” Fuck. How was he supposed to do this? “I…” Jesus Christ, Lupin. “Fuck, okay. Sorry, I really tried to make this elegant but I’m just going to say it. I know that you’re magic.”
“What?” Sirius let out a small nervous laugh, a blush slowly taking over his face. “What are you on about? That…magic? No.”
“It’s okay…no…I…fuck, sorry. I’m magic too, I should’ve led with that.” And just like that, the tension in the room disappeared. Sirius let out a small breath, glancing around the room to make sure no one was eavesdropping.
“Really?”
“Mhm.” Remus did a quick glance around too before grabbing one of the napkins off the table and bringing it up to his other hand. With a small snap of his fingers, a flicker of sparks appeared and suddenly the edge of the napkin was lit on fire. It was a trick he taught himself years ago to light his cigarettes, in case he lost his lighter. He blew out the napkin and set it back down onto the tables, shrugging his shoulders as if it was nothing.
“I knew there was something special about you.” Sirius smiled and gently nudged Remus under the table with his boot. “And you’re good at wandless magic? Very impressive, I’m in awe. I tried to teach myself, but I’m rubbish at it.”
“Yeah…well, that’s what happens when you have a little too much free time on your hands and a passion for learning things.” Being a werewolf came with perks, having stronger magic was one of them.
“Did you go to Hogwarts then?” Sirius leaned forward excitedly in his chair, his elbows resting on the edge of the table. “I went, I was in Gryffindor, the best house of course.”
“Oh, of course.” Remus shook his head fondly, glancing down at his hands on the table. “Uh, no I didn’t. I was homeschooled.” It wasn’t entirely a lie but it was nowhere near the truth. Remus had gone to Hogwarts up until the end of fourth year, but Sirius wouldn’t have recognized him. At the time, he looked completely different. Not to mention they were in different houses and Remus spent all his time keeping to himself.
“Oh! Well that’s cool too. Boarding school could be a lot at times. There were nights I sometimes wished I was homeschooled, especially when my roommates would snore loudly. You’d think after seven years I’d get used to it, but it drove me up the bloody wall.” There was a bittersweet look on his face, Remus assumed he knew why but he wasn’t in the position to ask.
“I believe it. I’m an only child so I never had to deal with sharing a room. Sometimes my friend will spend the night and she kicks in her sleep, makes me so frustrated but I can’t be the arse who kicks her out, ya know?” Remus looked back up at Sirius. “Uh, speaking of my friend. Do you happen to remember a Marlene in your grade?”
“McKinnon?” Sirius perked up the same way Marlene had at the mention of Sirius’ name. Remus nodded his head in response, a smile breaking out on Sirius’ face. “Yeah, of course I remember her. I didn’t know you two were friends or that she lived in town! Oh my god…Marlene Bloody McKinnon. She’s something else, hm?”
“Oh she is. She’s my best friend, known her since I was eleven. We both live in the same building and have the same job, she helps out a lot with watching Teddy’s on nights where I work. I don’t know where I’d be without her.” Remus cleared his throat, a small smirk on his face. “She also mentioned that you two were madly in love in school and absolutely inseparable.”
“Oh piss off, she didn’t say that. We did date, but there’s no way those words left her mouth.”
“Ha, no they didn’t, just wanted to see if you’d get embarrassed. Small world though, hm? She wanted to come with me to drop Teddy off today but I assumed it’d be less of a shock if I at least talked to you first before conducting a surprise school reunion.”
“Oh she could’ve come, I wouldn't have minded. I always had a gut feeling I’d see her one day again. A lot of our group from school grew apart after graduation, but I do miss her. She crosses my mind every now and again. And to think! She’s been in the same town as me this whole time.”
“That she has. I’ll pass the message along to her, I’m sure she’d love to see you again. She spoke nothing of praises.”
“Oh she wounds my ego, goes straight to my head. I was insufferable back then, really. I was loud and thought I was the absolute best. She said I was an a good kisser but my ego was too big and it was annoying to be around a lot of the time.” Sirius broke out into a laugh at the memory. “I like to think I’ve calmed down a bit, but I guess she could be the judge of that.”
“I’ll be sure to let her know you’re a changed man.” Remus smiled and just like that they began to talk about everything.
They left the cafe about an hour later and found themselves in the alley next door, Remus pressed up against the brick wall while Sirius pressed kisses to his neck, his hands slowly snaking under his shirt. Still a good kisser, apparently.
“Sirius–” Remus let out a small moan as Sirius bit down gently on his skin, slowly trailing the kisses back up his neck, his jaw, the corner of his lips, until their lips were once again connected.
Remus desperately wished Sirius’ hair wasn’t back in braids, wanting to run his fingers through the curls. Remus parted his mouth in another small moan when Sirius brought a knee forward to ever so slightly part Remus’ legs. Oh fuck.
Remus assumed Sirius wasn’t a bigot, but there was a small, very small, fear that he may be less attracted to him once he found out about the stupid adjective in front of Remus’ identity. He was a boy, of course he was, but he was a boy with an adjective in front. Remus had been here before, pressed up against walls, kisses trailing up his skin, hands roaming around his body. Things went fine until the other person wanted to go somewhere more private and Remus had to have the awkward “hey it’s no big deal but I’m trans” talk. Normally it ended okay, but there were those odd occasions it didn’t. Where the other person had to think of an excuse to leave or, once or twice, where he had hateful words thrown his way.
“Hey…hey Sirius…” Remus tried again, moving his hands to gently push on Sirius’ chest to pull them apart from each other.
“What? What’s wrong?” Sirius’ eyes fell over Remus’ face and body, as if he’d somehow find a physical injury.
“Nothing…we…we just can’t, okay? I can’t.”
“Why not? If you’re worried about someone seeing us, we can go somewhere else. We can slow down if you need.”
“No, it’s not that it’s just…” He couldn’t do it. Not today. Not right now. Not with the moon tomorrow. “I just can’t, okay? There’s…I just can’t.”
“Okay.” Sirius nodded, not pushing the issue any further. Like the gentleman he was, he leaned forward and placed a kiss on Remus’ forehead before moving his body away and over to the side to lean up against the wall next to Remus. “So?”
“So, what?”
“Was Marlene right? Am I a good kisser?” Sirius asked with a smirk.
“You’re egotistical, that’s what you are.” Remus teased, letting his head fall to the side with a smile. “Yeah…yeah, she was right.”
*
September 14
Remus waited outside the classroom with a pair of sunglasses on, the sun making his head pound. Quite frankly everything was making his head pound. Five hours until the moon. He felt close to throwing up everytime he moved and his body ached so bad he limped with every step. He had to work the morning shift today, despite Marlene begging him to let her cover it. He needed the money. He made it through though, just like he always did. Just like he’d continue to do.
Sirius wasn’t here yet, though Remus truly didn’t have it in his head to worry. They talked this morning for a few minutes before Remus rushed out to get to his shift on time. They hadn’t brought up the kiss again, or rather the ending of their kiss and for that Remus was grateful. He didn’t want to think about it. He just wanted to go home and lay down before his body tore itself apart in a mere few hours.
The bell rang and the kids poured out of the classrooms. Remus leant up against the wall as he waited for Teddy, a familiar voice pulling him out of his trance.
“Look at you, Mr. Cool Guy with your sunglasses.” Sirius smirked at him, glancing to the swarm of children, most likely looking for Harry.
“Yes, laugh all you want. My head is killing me though and I figured this would help block out the sun. It’s hardly doing anything, but at least I look mysterious?”
“Very mysterious, very cool.” Sirius agreed with a nod, their conversation interrupted by both Teddy and Harry running over to their respective parent.
“Hey kid, how was school?” Remus pushed himself off the wall, trying his best to hide the wince on his face at the movement.
“It was great! Harry and I got to be partners today for reading time. We both read a book about different types of snakes. It was so cool!”
“Yeah! It was brilliant!” Harry chimed in, Remus and Sirius sharing a quick amused looked between the both of them.
“That’s great, sounds like a really nice day.” Remus reached to take Teddy’s hand, preparing to leave.
“Can Harry and I have a playdate?” Teddy asked suddenly, looking up at Remus with wide eyes.
“Not tonight, kid.”
“Why not?!” Oh please, Teddy. Not now. No tantrums, not now. Not now. Not now.
“Because I said so and because Marlene is coming over tonight, remember? She’s going to hang out with you while I’m out.” Teddy understood full moon nights, to an extent at least. He knew Remus went away and came back sick. He knew he had to stay with Marlene. He knew he wasn’t allowed to tell anyone.
“Daddy, please! I always hang out with Marlene, I want to hang out with Harry!” Teddy stomped his foot down, Remus bringing a hand up to rub at his temples. He took in a deep breath, shaking his head.
“It’s okay, if he wants to come by for a bit. We aren’t doing anything…” Sirius was trying to be helpful, but it just made matters worse. Oh so worse.
“See! Sirius said I can! So I can go?”
“Teddy, no! I said no.” Remus snapped, instantly regretting his tone when he saw the look on Teddy’s face. Fuck. Shit fucking dad, I am. “Kid, listen. We just can’t tonight, okay? Remember what tonight is? We have to be home. You can go over another day, I promise.” Teddy nodded his head though didn’t say anything. “Sorry. It’s not personal, we just have something to do tonight, thanks for the offer though.” Remus gave Sirius a bashful, apologetic look, Sirius only waving him off like it was no big deal.
“No worries. We can set something up later. I’ll see you both tomorrow, yeah?”
“Uh…” Remus shook his head, wanting nothing more than to melt into the ground. “No, I won’t be here tomorrow. One of Teddy's friends is going to take him to school in the morning.” Remus usually came back home around 7 or so after full moons, which aligned perfectly to when Teddy leaves for school. Marlene couldn’t take him, since she needed to be home for Remus, in case the injuries were especially bad. Teddy had a friend in class, Luna, who’s mum picked him up on moon days though. They didn’t question the once a month carpool, Remus thankful to not have to come up with another lie.
“Oh…okay.” Sirius nodded his head, looking quite disappointed.
“I’ll see you soon though.” And with that, Remus turned on his heel, hand in hand with Teddy as he began the walk back to the flat.
*
Remus was pacing around the living room as Marlene sat on the couch, biting at her bottom lip. “You’ll be okay, Rem. I’ll be here right when you get back.”
“I know.” Remus flipped around and snapped at her, letting out a huff before bringing his hands up to drag down his face. “Sorry…thank you.”
“It’s okay.” She didn’t take the snapping personally, not when the full moon was this close. Remus had to leave in five minutes, the full moon rising in about twenty five. He always gave himself plenty of time. He went alone, of course, apparating to a small deserted forest he found a few years ago. The wolf liked to run around and hunt animals, as much as it disgusted Remus the next day. But he never left the forest and that’s the only thing that mattered.
He was silent for the next few minutes, glancing at the clock on the wall before nodding. “Right…I’m going to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Despite the years of moons he had, the fear never went away. Every month he feared he’d hurt someone or he’d hurt himself too much to fully recover. He didn’t trust the wolf and the wolf didn’t trust him.
“Okay, love. I’ll be right here for you.” She stood up from the couch and pulled him into a quick hug, placing a kiss on his temple.
Remus nodded and with one last deep breath apparated out of the room and into the forest. He landed ungracefully onto the ground with a groan. Pushing himself up on shaky arms before he made the short walk to the small cave he stayed in while he waited to transform. It was nothing fancy, just a small covered area where he could leave his clothes and hide away, should the wolf choose to.
He slowly stripped from his clothes, setting them neatly onto a pile before sitting himself down onto the cold floor, bringing his knees into his chest. This was the worst part, the waiting. The pain would begin any moment and then the transformation would start, but this part killed him. Waiting, waiting, waiting-
He felt it in his spine first, a shiver going up his body. He felt his skin heating up, as if his blood was actually boiling though he knew it wasn’t. He let out a groan a moment later when the pain got to his head, feeling as if someone was hammering into it. He uncurled his legs from his chest and fell to the ground with a scream, his arm the first to break. “Fuck!” Remus screamed as his bones snapped one by one and the transformation took place. The last to change was his vision, which was now a hazy grey. He could see sharply into the night through the wolf’s eyes, no longer himself.
With a howl to the moon, the wolf leapt forward and trotted out into the forest to begin its long night.
*
September 15
Remus woke with a groan, his body curled up onto the cold stone in the cave, right where he had been last night. He smelt blood on him, though he wasn’t sure if it was his own or not. He raised a shaky handle to touch his face but he let out a small scream at the pain. Fuck. Something was broken. He could feel fresh cuts on his ribs and one across his cheek, much deeper than normal. With a wince, he dragged his body to the side to grab hold of the pile of clothes he left, using the last of his strength to apparate back home.
He landed onto the living room floor with a thud, his naked body curling in on itself in pain. He let out a pathetic sob as Marlene rushed over to his side with a blanket to cover him up. She’d seen him naked countless times before, but Remus appreciated the privacy she tried to give him nonetheless.
“You’re okay, you’re okay, Rem.” She brought a hand up to his hair and brushed his curls away from his bloody face. Remus didn’t need to open his eyes to know she was looking over his body worriedly. It was worse than normal, that much he knew.
He sobbed as she comforted him and pulled his head into her lap to gently run her hands through his hair. He ignored the way his body burned with every breath in and ached with every exhale. She brought her wand out and began to mumble healing spells under her breath in between comforting words.
Remus tried his best to stay awake, but sleep took him eventually. The last thought on his mind was of black wavy hair and a set of beautiful grey eyes.