Chapter Text
“-which leads us to…Try not to stare into the distance, Merlin”
Balinor raised an eyebrow and Merlin snapped back into focus. It was hard to focus when, for some unfathomable reason, Arthur was practically turning his stares into glares. The warlock was sure the prince did it to spite him – Arthur couldn’t even understand what they were saying most of the time! He leaned forward to attempt to hone his focus once again – a dragonlord lesson, or any lesson from this realm, was not one to simply doze off in.
“Apologies, B-, Lord Balinor. Please continue.”
Merlin attempted a sheepish grin to plead innocent.
Trying to look as guiltless as possible under Balinor’s watchful, yet somehow concerned, gaze was a task Merlin found himself severely lacking. Thankfully, Balinor conceded, smoothed his face of any emotion, and simply continued.
“The tale of Hurdul’s granddaughter, while widely accepted, has sparked discussions of possible tampering due to…currently unacceptable views of women. Many agree that the actions of a single ancestor, who only happened to be a woman, is insufficient enough to-“
While Merlin did all he could to follow Balinor’s teachings, which he truly found fascinating, he couldn’t help but retreat into his mind and reflect on the aftermath of, what he now calls, ‘The Wishing Incident’.
Despite being unable to stop his dubious habit of illegal behaviours, Merlin feels he has settled into this strange realm quite nicely. Meeting Wracu was a risky boon – especially now that this Arthur has decided to tear a page out of this Lancelot’s book of ‘Stalk and Glare at Merlin’.
Ever since Merlin returned from the forest, Prince Arthur has been acting in all sorts of confusing behaviours. So much so that the warlock simply isn’t sure where he stands with him anymore.
Just this morning, Arthur had arrived to actually give Merlin breakfast. He handed the tray filled with fresh fruits and a loaf of bread with an almost ‘sweet’ smile. Merlin almost had a heart attack at the sight and had peered behind the prince to see an equally-anxious and confused George hovering behind.
In the face of Merlin’s suspicion, Arthur limped forward – instantly rewarded by a well-hidden wince from George – while precariously balancing the tray in one hand as if in effort to appear nonchalant.
“Er-, thank you Your Highness? You didn’t have to?”
Merlin felt his own gratitude fall flat at the ludicrous scene as his confusion reared its head. He couldn’t help but raise a brow his-Gaius would’ve been proud of to make it explicitly clear that this was suspicious behaviour. Both men ignored the subtle gasp that escaped George. Merlin rolled his eyes – this-Arthur was far too coddled.
“Just for old time’s sake” Arthur continued smoothly.
At that, Arthur practically shoved the tray into Merlin’s hands and fled the scene as if it were a crime. Perhaps it wasn’t too far off if this realm shared any resemblance to home.
George was only able to make an unusually snide comment of ‘You should have taken the tray that instant!’ before Mordred and Theo made their final return from breakfast before going to their lessons. Out of respect for Arthur, and taking the hint from George’s sudden silence, Merlin didn’t mention Arthur’s planned secret meeting and ridded the evidence via hungry castle servants.
This-Arthur was different from his-Arthur, but this seemed too different for an Arthur in the first place. Suspicious. Maybe he should stop accepting unknown sustenance entirely from Arthur like with Balinor?
The grumble of his stomach at the thought of food forced the warlock to shake himself out of his own head. Thinking of too many Arthurs might turn him into a dollophead too. Honestly, he’s never known his stomach to be this noisy until arriving in this realm.
“Merlin, perhaps we should conclude this lesson”
Before Merlin could protest, Balinor sighed, probably for the tenth time this week, and stood to turn towards his eroding mountain of paperwork. As he did so, Merlin did not miss the small glance Arthur and Balinor shared – hard to miss the absence of a stabbing glare.
Merlin betrayed a quiet huff to himself as he stood. In cahoots he sees, good thing he didn’t eat that breakfast. His stomach growled again, indignant that lunch was prioritised below the library again.
The warlock nodded despite having already been shown his mentor’s back and slipped out of the room with a casual “Your Highness, my lord. Good night.”
Merlin figured the others had already eaten their final meals of the day and headed towards the dining hall to grab something. He weaved through the castle corridors with ease, sneaking through a servant passageway or two, and almost bumping into a servant carrying a heady laundry load as if it weighed nothing.
Using this time to properly reflect, Merlin couldn’t help but think about his home. A spike of anxiety and urgency shot through him at the thought of it – he has a duty to fulfil no matter the sacrifices.
Going to the library at any chance to read – memorise – anything he could because such a thing was impossible at home didn’t feel like enough. Nobody would have the knowledge, let alone the will, to bring back old traditions and spells. No magic user would ever put their hands behind their back to show friendliness of all things – weapons and subtle hand-casting would be too easy to hide.
Even walking through the castle now, nobody would learn or perform the harmless tricks he sees every day. Who would want to learn a useless spell when you could learn something key to your survival? Both would easily land you in a mark-less mass grave.
But the magic here was beautiful. Even breathing felt like a gulp of fresh air after living a life in smoke. Is this peace even possible at home? Merlin had never felt so helpless in the face of his destiny – but there was no path but forward.
Quite literally too. He arrived at the dining hall and looked around for an empty spot he could sit for a few minutes to quickly eat. Instead, Merlin heard familiar voices in the usual loudest spot in the room – perhaps Gilli was released late.
An assertive ‘IT IS TRUE!’ guided Merlin to the table where Gilli was openly arguing with Mordred about something or another. Morgana looked on in amusement across from them as Theo stuffed the last of his food into his mouth.
Elise had already finished hers and easily spotted Merlin’s approach. She smoothly shuffled to the right to leave a space between her and Morgana. While Merlin would have preferred an end seat, it would be rude to not take the generous offer.
Elise nodded in greeting as he sat. “How was the extra lesson with Lord Balinor? Do anything interesting this time?”
Despite the humiliating nature of the cover, Merlin admitted it did make sense to the others. After all, according to them he had absolutely zero understanding of the fundamentals of magic and social etiquette, such as the worldly sign of peace clearly not applying to this one, the way they did. They were right.
“Just the usual, going over basic theory and spells” Merlin shrugged. He didn’t understand everyone’s determination to pull out some sort of ‘incredible’ information out of him.
Morgana took her chance seeing his lacklustre answer, “Here, Merlin. I had a big lunch so you can have my leftovers.”
Morgana slid her half-finished plate in front of him without glancing his direction. Merlin said his thanks next to a protest Morgana was sure to be immune to by now. He half-heartedly reminded himself not to become too dependent on Morgana before digging in.
Once Morgana gave him food, he didn’t have the heart to throw it away or decline entirely. Luckily the others were distracted in conversation long enough for him to join them despite it being late with their largely finished meals.
Seizing the opportunity, Gilli leaned forward with an eager grin. “Merlin. Guess what Lord Gaius was teaching us today!”
Mordred rolled his eyes and elbowed his friend in the ribs. “Nobody’s going to guess that. Just tell him already so everyone at the table can hear it for the last time”
Was Gilli actually going to make him guess? Once again, Merlin found himself grateful for the existence of a kind Mordred in this realm. Gilli glared at Mordred but regained his eagerness just as quickly.
“Here we go again” Theo sighed and sent a shared look of I-am-done-with-this with Elise across the table.
“Before Queen Ygraine accelerated the widespread usage of magic in physician work, now us mages, surgeries without it were common practice. People really cut off other’s limbs for just a simple gash! To think such barbaric practices were completely legal and normal is just…eugh!”
Merlin’s shock was luckily easily accepted by those around him, but not for the reasons they suspected. Illegal? Healer’s work without magic was illegal! Thank the Gods Merlin found out now rather than caught in the act. Ignoring the implications of such teachings, Merlin swore to spend extra time in the library to research all their laws.
He supposed it made sense, everything was so infused with magic that even paper cuts warranted a healing spell. Merlin only knew that because, when he got a paper cut, Lord Geoffrey insisted on addressing the insignificant thing instead of giving a scolding for possibly damaging the book.
As a physician’s apprentice, Merlin had seen and even performed many surgeries himself. They had a very high mortality rate and rarely worked, but it was a last resort to the point the end result would have remained death either way.
It now seemed a bit naive to have thought that, as a powerful warlock in a realm where magic was celebrated, any respect could have protected him from easily being arrested and executed. Perhaps he could’ve gotten a proper trial.
He should’ve guessed this. Nothing has ever been easy. Merlin supposed his isolation from this realm exacerbated this.
Elise nodded, seemingly not as bored of this information as Theo thought she was.
“Well, it was the only logical move for any hopes of actually advanced medical care to take place. Of course Her Majesty would take that avenue” She added without another thought.
At the height of the purging of magic, there were a lot of bodies alive and dead for physicians at the time to experiment with to improve their, admittedly useless, healthcare at the time.
Merlin thought his home’s understanding of medicines and the body were advanced but, compared to this realm, they must look like fools. Not that Merlin would be able to discuss this in detail with anyone. His mind, as usual, will have to do – funny how the roles had reversed in this realm yet Merlin remained the same.
Deep in thought, Merlin could only subconsciously listen to the rapid conversation flowing around him.
Theo chuckled “Once thing is for sure, those who broke the law in the past are just as bad now as they were then. They were still willing to commit a crime at the end of the day.”
Theo suddenly winced, making a small concerned glance at Merlin under the subtle glares of the others around the table. Morgana, naturally, the most terrifying.
“Yes, it’s interesting how laws change with the times.” Morgana tapped her face as she rested her head on a hand, “it makes you wonder what else is going to change, right?”
Gilli raised a brow and his smile sharpened into a teasing grin “You do realise the Böggel man isn’t suddenly going to become a free man and come get you in Camelot.”
At the mention of Wracu’s other name, Merlin snapped back into the conversation with a tense gaiety. He forced himself to relax. The table suddenly became hushed as if a blanket of anxiety was attempting to muffle the sound of such a dangerous title spreading through the air.
Merlin managed to meet with Wracu a few more times since finding the portal and could now solidify him as an ally. An untrustworthy and tricky ally, but a person of mutual benefit nonetheless.
He had stopped transforming into a woman when visiting – the overpowering wrongness that clouded his mind every time he was forced to perceive himself as a ‘woman’ was too much to handle. There was disappointment, after all he had gone through much worse, but thankfully Wracu never commented on it.
Against his will, Merlin found himself growing fond of Wracu. Other than his-Lancelot, Wracu is the only other person Merlin could truly be his illegal self.
“You-, you said you wouldn’t tell anyone” Theo turned pink in embarrassment and leaned stretched forward as if to cuff Gilli. Mordred, sitting between the two, leaned back to aid Theo in his revenge and elicited a squawked ‘Traitor!’ from Gilli.
Elise smirked “Don’t worry Theo, mimics can’t get through the barrier”
“A mimic? No, he’s surely a shade. I’ve heard they have all sorts of dark auras, so it fits!” Gilli argued. Nobody mentioned how they had all felt it themselves.
“Maybe, I just think he’s a cursed man” Morgana added quietly, looking lost in thought.
At that moment, Merlin realised that this Morgause is likely not all that different from his own – from the few seconds he saw of her – and that likely meant she was caught up with Wracu. Morgause is a witch? Well, not at all surprising.
“-or he’s just a monster-“ “Or we shouldn’t be insu-, uh, speculating?”
Merlin interjected Mordred’s own biases about Wracu. He really did appreciate all this Morgana does for him, so the warlock hoped for this to be the first step to showing that. Morgana’s shoulders dropped slightly and she sent him a grateful smile.
“Fine, but only after you tell us your own theory” Gilli said – almost shy as he fidgeted with his hands on the table.
At his words, Merlin could feel the curiosity spike around the table and quickly pin him in place. Now, recently, everyone appeared to want to hammer in the concept of free speech to the warlock. That ‘Yes, Merlin, you can report your superiors and they’ll take your word’ and ‘No, Merlin, you won’t get kicked out for speaking your mind’ and other fantastical ideas.
Merlin supposed now was the time to try this free speech. After all, maybe he could remind them to be considerate of others like obscurials, and show them something for once. Becoming a named enemy-sympathiser was an issue but since Wracu had almost killed him for all to see – because it certainly was a murder attempt despite his fellow warlock’s insistence of otherwise – there was some leeway.
Let’s hope he doesn’t get executed for this of all things. “Well, I think we shouldn’t be mocking Wracu, I mean, the Böggel man like this. Being an obscurial is already tough, especially since he has quite a feisty obscurus already.” Everyone was silent and starring at him.
“At-at least that’s just my opinion. An opinion.” Suddenly, this wasn’t such a great idea anymore. Past him really was an unthinking sod.
Maybe this whole ‘freedom of speech’ thing was a trap so people could eat their words later. He mentally patted Queen Ygraine on the back for her genius thinking; honestly, it was clear who the ‘social’ brains in the relationship were.
“Anyways, I promised Lord Geoffrey I would. Help. With something very important.” He stood and, as the bench was still held in place by the weight of Morgana and Elise, almost smashed his head in his hurry to back away. Maybe he should’ve pushed for Morgana’s seat.
“See you later.” Forgetting his almost-empty plate, Merlin made himself walk away completely calm and relaxed. The warlock sighed away most of his stress as the doors to the dining hall heaved shut. As he walked to the library, he reminded himself not to leave his plate like some snobby noble again – he wasn’t a servant picking up after Arthur for years for nothing!
Thinking of Arthur, he groaned at the thought of having to deal with this one too. What is life.
When Morgana first saw Merlin in her vision, she saw a man who had it all: charm, talent, status and sheer power. A young man surrounded by influence and treated it as his own – this familiarity with the Crown Prince could not have been unfounded. With a strange, surely-magical creature on his lap like a kitten he was the perfect picture prodigy of the generation. Perhaps generations.
Surely someone who could create such an impression on someone he had never met, create the first utopian prophetic dream she didn’t even know was possible, was famous.
Morgana asked and researched within the confines of her role as ‘Morgana Le Fay’ but couldn’t find anything conclusive. Perhaps he was from a less prominent noble family that slowly, but surely, spread its influence until their son’s grand reveal at the most notorious test of magic.
Journeying towards the Apprentice Exam was an easy choice despite how impulsive it both looked and felt. Luckily her previous ventures had given her practice in quick packing and travel, as well as a reputation to formulate a believable alibi from, to temporarily keep this from her sister. It was a simple task to research anyone this incredible man could be on her way, but finding conclusive results was quite the opposite.
Perhaps the man was a true mystery? A late bloomer suddenly awakening his talents days before the exam and, with the bursting pride of his family and homeland, was rushed to the prestigious exam in a great storm upheaving all logic in its path.
Morgana tried to keep her expectations realistic and remind herself that he is just a young man. But what a storm Merlin is.
He had fulfilled her wishful fantasies – dismantling Lord Dalion’s shield was just the incredible she was looking for – but the cracks she refused to see first widened in that storage room.
She still remembers his magic. It felt…skittish, but unnaturally so as a bear acting like a mouse. Most of all, she remembered the fleeting, defensive fear as his magic flinched away on instinct and the connection was severed.
Now, she thinks as she watched Merlin retreat, it more accurately reflected the man than anything she had dreamt up. Morgana looked at the Not Empty Plate. Merlin really had to start developing some healthier habits: food, magic or otherwise.
Merlin always expressed his concerns about their mentor burning himself out, but in her opinion, he was just as much of a workaholic – maybe even more – as Lord Balinor was. She was glad to hear Merlin’s stomach and see him give into hunger. It seems her forcing to give his body some dependency on an eating schedule was working.
Gilli tilted his head in confusion “Obsural? What’s that?”
Mordred copied his friend’s behaviour “I think he said obscurial”
They looked around the table to see if anyone knew what Merlin was talking about. Theo shrugged with a muttered “Don’t look at me” before, of course, they all looked to Morgana.
“Perhaps Merlin didn’t know the proper term for a Wraith?” Morgana hesitated, “But he sounded so sure of himself.”
“Maybe it’s not a magical creature we know about. He has seen a Questing Beast before” Elise argued.
Morgana doubted it. She has had the privilege to read a few books that were usually hidden away for those of higher clearance but still never even found a mention.
“I swear that, the more time I spend around Merlin, the more I realise I’ll never meet anyone else as confusing as him” Theo grumbled as he grabbed everyone’s empty plates and started to stack them, with some resisting ‘I can do it’ s from Gilli and Elise. Merlin’s abandoned plate rested at the top like a reminder.
Gilli relented to Theo then rested his elbows on the table “Merlin seemed really nervous though. He practically ran away! Not to mention he was starring off again…”
“It’s likely because he was defending Wracu? At least I think that’s the reason this time.”
“From what?” Morgana replied to Elise. She kept thinking about Merlin’s strange behaviour this time.
Anyone could see that Merlin was a protector. It was sweet but sometimes borderline concerning for the things he felt they must be ‘defended’ from. Just a few days ago, Gilli had recalled Merlin practically seizing him by the arm when he tried following a prominent mage of Camelot’s court to their private research quarters.
Even after he had almost been killed by the Böggel man, he still found it within himself to emphasise with that shadow of a person.
It was obvious from the way Merlin acted that magic was a taboo in whatever distant village or town he had once resided in, and likely abused because of his magic. Morgana knew Mordred felt some kinship to Merlin in that regard, and she could recognise the anxiety of those from lower status backgrounds when confronting their superiors.
Yet Merlin spoke up about these obscurials anyway. Why defend Wracu like this? Morgana knew it had to be significant. “We still don’t know what-“
So enthralled by their conversation, they all failed to pay attention to their surroundings.
“Apprentices, a reminder that sleeping late will not be a tolerable excuse for any tardiness in the morning” Lady Jayden suddenly appeared at the end of the table with a paradoxical face conveying both impassive professionalism and irritated mentor.
Choruses of “Of course, Lady Jayden” were partially drowned by the much louder sound of Theo’s heart giving out echoing around the surprisingly empty dining hall.
Everyone glanced at each other in silent agreement as they exited the dining hall. Find out what in the world Merlin was talking about this time.