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“You free on Sunday?”
“Yeah? Why?”
Nick pulls the edge of his mouth up into a grin. He can literally feel the warmth pooling back into his stomach just looking at Charlie’s flushed face, his red lips, his blue eyes glittering in the afternoon glow of the corridor.
“I figured, er, we could finally go on that date. If you want.” Nick exhales sharply, his breath still uneven from that absolutely mental kiss. It doesn’t help that he’s stupidly nervous. His fingers fiddle with the loose strings on Charlie’s light blue bib, hands still folded over his boyfriend’s waist.
Boyfriend. Well, Nick’s been calling Charlie that in his head long enough. It’s about time they go on a proper date.
Charlie’s eyes light up at Nick’s words. “Really?” He catches himself then, a little ‘abort mission’ type expression flashing across his face. “I mean, what did you want to do?”
Nick smiles again, fuller now. Hopefully, this is the start of Charlie truly believing Nick. In truth, his little speech (that he had definitely not practiced in the mirror nearly seventy times since last Thursday) had only spared about half of what was really hidden in Nick’s heart. The rest of it all felt too big, too real. Nick doesn’t even understand all of it. All he knows is that being without Charlie even for a week had been enough to make him reevaluate his priorities and that being with Charlie is just about the most important thing in the world.
So, proper date it is. Nick’s been thinking about it for a while. He’s got it all planned out. At least in his head. But, that’ll be revealed later.
“I think I’ll keep it a surprise,” Nick says, doing his best to give a coy wink. “You don’t need to worry about anything.”
He starts to pull Charlie close again, but Charlie pushes him back with a playful scoff. “Wait, hello, no, thank you. Tell me now!”
“Nope!” Nick says back, tickling Charlie’s waist. “Wanna come round mine? Today, I mean.”
Charlie’s happy smile turns into something softer, even a little shy. He looks up at Nick under his eyelashes. “Yeah, sure. What will we be doing?”
Nick turns to putty. Charlie just… he does things to him that Nick still doesn’t understand. Honestly, if not for his tight grip on Charlie, Nick’s legs could very well have given out.
“Whatever you want,” he whispers. “I missed you.”
Charlie cocks his head to the side, smirking. “Nick. You missed me? Dramatic.”
With a roll of his eyes, Nick lets go finally. “Oh, well, fine, then. Don’t come over.”
Charlie makes wild grabby hands for him, beautiful laughter spilling from his mouth. “Sorry, sorry, sorry! Only joking! Please let me come over.”
Nick lets himself be pulled back to Charlie. To be fair, he puts up very little fight. Charlie’s giving him that look again, and, really, Nick doesn’t stand a chance.
“I missed you, too,” Charlie confesses back. “I’m sorry for being stupid. I didn’t mean to push you away. It’s just -” he gives a pitiful shrug - “you know me. I’m dumb sometimes.”
Nick just looks at Charlie - his lovely boyfriend. Charlie’s, like, the least dumb person in the world probably. He’s definitely not stupid, but Charlie’s not talking about maths or school or whatever. Nick’s not sure what to say or do, so he just gives Charlie a hug. It works for now.
“You’re not dumb.” He pulls back and takes Charlie’s hands. “We should go. I should probably talk to Miss Singh.”
Charlie exhales, his shoulders dropping heavily. He looks away from Nick. “Yeah, me, too. I quit the rugby team.”
Nick nods. “Yeah, I figured when I didn’t see you earlier.” Charlie’s still avoiding his gaze, so Nick stoops down a bit, forcing their eyes to meet. “You okay about that?”
Charlie thinks about it for a moment, his expression screwing tightly. He keeps looking up at Nick and then looking away again. Eventually, he sighs and simply shrugs. “I don’t know,” is all he says.
Nick feels himself nodding again. “That’s okay. Don’t feel like you have to rejoin just for me.”
Charlie finally meets his eyes, a sweet smile greeting Nick when he does. Again, Nick can’t stop the bubbling up of butterflies in his stomach as their gaze holds. God, he likes Charlie so much.
“Ready?” Nick asks, knowing that unfortunately, the moment must end.
“Yeah,” Charlie replies. His tone is a little low, a little sad still. But he doesn’t stop smiling.
---
Miss Singh is definitely not happy with Nick for leaving the pitch in the middle of the match. She takes one look at him and waves him off, telling him to talk to her on Monday. The match is over, so it’s officially the weekend, and she’s off the clock, she says. Nick sighs in relief and rushes off to get changed.
He trips and falls on his face in the changing rooms trying to shuffle out of his kit. The other lads don’t laugh. They don’t even really spare him a glance, noticeably keeping their distance. Probably due to Nick running off the pitch to go hold hands with a boy. Nick doesn’t really care, to be honest. The only thing currently on his mind is this stupid button on his shirt that won’t budge. He needs to slow down.
He’s kind of in a hurry to get back to Charlie is what it is. It’s been far too long.
He can’t start thinking about that now. Not when he’s in only his pants in the changing rooms.
But, Charlie. God, Nick really did miss him. He’d just started to get used to the constant relief and comfort that Charlie afforded him; the afternoons of sweet conversation and even sweeter kisses that had started to fill Nick’s calendar. And then, they’d just gone without a trace. No explanation given. Nick thinks he would have given anything to get just one more day with Charlie.
He’s getting dramatic now. Everything’s so dramatic these days. His life is starting to feel like an episode of Hollyoaks or something.
Finally, Nick’s dressed, and he trudges out of the changing rooms, searching the school gate for Charlie. The plan is to walk home together and then, who knows? The plan is no plan, which is just what they need.
Charlie’s standing with their friends by the bus stop, far away from the lunch tables where Nick’s usual gang is sitting silently, twiddling their thumbs. Nick notices how no one looks at him as he passes, but the lack of the usual boisterous laughter and conversation tells Nick all he needs to know. They’re confused. They want answers. Probably the whole school does.
But Nick doesn’t owe them anything; not answers, not explanations, and definitely not his sexuality. Especially not after how horrible they’ve been.
So, Nick keeps on walking, heading in the direction of his other friends - his real friends - and doesn’t look back.
“Nick!” Tara calls to him as he gets nearer. She breaks away from the group and runs at him, leaning up on her tip toes to give him a tight hug.
Nick instictively hugs her back, his surprise showing itself in the little, “ Oof ” he lets out.
She backs up immediately at that. “Oh, sorry! I’m just…” she kind of glances around then, leaning in to whisper, “I’m really proud of you.”
Nick huffs a laugh, feeling his cheeks warm up. “Oh, thanks.”
Tara nods her head in the direction of their friends, her face incredibly fond. “Come on, then.”
She leads him back to the group, all of them smiling, Charlie’s smile the biggest of them all. He’s fluffed up his curls a bit while getting changed, and he just looks so lovely. He always looks so lovely.
“Hey,” Nick greets them all, pulling a hand out of his pocket to give them a small wave.
“Hey,” they all chorus back, most of them still smiling. Elle’s almost giggling with excitement, a little shuffle to her feet as she says hello. There’s an ensuing silence that doesn’t seem awkward necessarily, but more like some kind of bridge. It’s almost like the group needs a stepping stone to make this transition from being one of Nick’s friend groups to being Nick’s only friend group. They seem to understand the bigness of that truth.
Isaac is the perfect one to break the ice. He folds his book closed for a moment, pinching a finger in the gap to hold his place. “So,” he starts, eyeing Nick with a smirk, “are we going to be hanging out at school now?”
The rest of the group let out chuckles. Nick looks down at his shoes. His cheeks still feel a bit blushy. He’s not sure why he’s so nervous. He really hopes they like him.
Tao’s the next to reply, cringing deeply. “Ew, does that mean we’ll have to be, like… cool, popular kids?”
Nick looks up at that, sparing a glance over his shoulder at his old friends at the picnic tables. He turns back after a moment. “Nah, I think it means that I’m not a cool, popular kid anymore.”
That sparks a round of surprised laughter throughout the group. Even Tao’s nodding approvingly at the joke. Darcy reaches over to high five him, saying, “ Ouch! Score one, Nelson.”
A few minutes roll past, and then Tara points in front of them toward the car lot. “Oh, there’s my brother.” She swoops down to grab her bag from the ground, gripping Darcy’s hand with her own. “We’ll see you all tomorrow, then?”
There’s affirmations throughout the group. Nick gets another Tara Hug and an attempt at some sort of bro-handshake from Darcy. Elle’s getting a lift, as well, so there’s hugs all round again, and when she gets to Nick, her smile is warm and knowing. She pats his shoulder.
“I really hope you’ll hang around with us now,” she says. “Seriously.”
Then, she’s off, chasing after Tara and Darcy and tucking into Tara’s brother’s black mini-van with a final wave behind her.
When Nick looks back to the guys, Isaac’s deep into his book, and Tao and Charlie are in the middle of some heated discussion.
“ You ask him!” Tao’s hardly whispering, nudging Charlie in the side.
“No, you, Tao. It was your idea.” Charlie shoves him back.
“Yeah, but he’s your boyfriend.”
“ Tao!”
“Er, what’s going on?” Nick asks, a smile on the edge of his lips at the interaction.
The two boys freeze, as if they thought that their extremely audible argument had been completely private.
Tao eventually clears his throat and says, “Erm, Nick. Well. We’re all having a film night at my place tomorrow. Like, Tara and Darcy will be there. And, Elle, of course.” Nick doesn’t think it prudent to mention how Tao’s cheeks flood with red at the mention of Elle’s name. “And, well, I just wanted to say… that you’re welcome to come. If you’re free.” The invitation looks like it had taken quite a lot of effort on Tao’s part, and well… Nick…
Nick can hardly hide his surprise. He looks to Charlie for confirmation, and Charlie’s already smiling at him widely. “Oh, er, thanks,” Nick answers quickly. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
Tao’s nodding back robotically, not meeting Nick’s eyes. “Good.” He doesn’t spare another awkward moment, stepping around Charlie to grab Isaac by the shoulder. “Okay, we’re leaving now.”
Isaac’s quick to protest. “But, our bus hasn’t arrived yet.”
Tao grits his teeth, sending a harsh look to his friend. “ Now, Isaac.”
So, Isaac gives in, rolling his eyes with a sigh and allowing himself to be pulled toward the bus stop.
“Bye,” Charlie calls after them, laughing slightly. He turns back to Nick once they’ve gone, shy now. “Hi,” he says.
Nick grins. “Hi.” He nudges his head to the right. “Shall we?”
---
It’s about a half-an-hour walk back to Nick’s, but that’s alright. The more time with Charlie the better, he figures.
They’re giddy and giggly when they tumble through the front door, shirking shoes and blazers. Nick’s mum is at the kitchen table, and she calls out at the noise.
“Nicky?”
Nick internally rolls his eyes at the nickname. “Yeah, Mum,” he calls back. Catching Charlie’s eye, he whispers a, “Sorry,” to him, but Charlie just shakes his head, smiling.
And heads right into the kitchen.
“Hi, Ms. Nelson.” For what it's worth, Charlie’s voice sounds soft and hesitant. Nick can basically hear his nervous hands wringing.
“Oh, Charlie, how lovely to see you again! How are you, sweetheart?”
“Good, thanks.”
Nick finishes tucking his and Charlie’s shoes into the corner and takes a breath. He steps into the doorway next to Charlie.
“Hi, Mum,” Nick says, keeping his voice even.
“Hi, darling.” His mum gives him a funny look. “Are you alright?”
Nick clears his throat, trying to appear more casual. “Yeah. Erm, Charlie and I are just going to be in my room if you need anything.” After a moment’s thought, Nick quickly adds, “But we’re gonna be revising, so…”
“Try not to need anything, I’ve got it.” His mum smiles at them with an understanding nod. “Well, like I said, Charlie, love, it’s wonderful to see you back round. Will you be staying for tea?”
Charlie looks to Nick, and Nick sends him an encouraging nod. “If that’s alright,” Charlie says to Nick’s mum, shy and polite as always.
“Of course it is. We always love having you,” Mum says, fondness creeping into her voice.
It’s days like these where Nick is almost positive his mum knows. She never uses that tone when any of Nick’s mates come round. With Charlie, it’s like she understands how important he is to Nick, and she’s trying not to muck it up for him. It kind of makes Nick want to just tell her, to get it over with. He’s almost ready, he thinks.
But, not today. He’s done a lot today. Now, all he wants is to be alone with Charlie.
“Alright, well, we’ll be in my room,” Nick says, grabbing onto the sleeve of Charlie’s school jumper and tugging him toward the stairs.
“It’ll be Bolognese. Is that alright?” Mum calls after them.
“Yes, Mum, fine,” Nick says, hurrying up to his room.
“Thanks, Ms. Nelson,” Charlie does his best to answer back while being basically dragged up the stairs by Nick. He’s giggling now, shoving Nick off of him and racing him to his room.
They get there, the door is closed behind them, and it’s like the world slows down. It stops. Not a thing is stirring, not a sound; the only movement is their heaving chests on each intake of breath.
“Hi,” Nick says, taking a step toward Charlie.
“Hi,” Charlie says back, careful hands reaching up to take Nick by the arms.
Nick can’t really make his mouth move. His stare is locked on Charlie’s lips, opening and closing around nothing like Charlie’s debating how to start, as well. They’ve done this what feels like a million times; why does Nick get so nervous each time?
Charlie squeezes Nick’s biceps, looking a little tentative but wanting. “D’you maybe wanna… makeout?”
Nick loses the ability to breathe for a moment, but when he regains it, the breath all comes out in a racing exhale. “Yeah,” he sighs, looking right into Charlie’s eyes, heart full to burst.
Charlie’s answering smile is enough to take his breath away once again. They sort of awkwardly stumble over to Nick’s bed, gently sitting next to each other on the edge. Charlie’s got hold of Nick’s right hand, and he brings it up so Nick’s cupping Charlie’s face.
Nick’s thumb rubs Charlie’s cheek, and he keeps him there for the moment, content to just look at him for a while first. Charlie’s cheek heats up under Nick’s hand, and Charlie averts his eyes.
“Stop…” Charlie starts, staring down at their socked feet. “Stop looking at me like that.”
Nick smirks. “Like what?”
“Just…” Charlie takes a deep breath. After a moment, he looks back up at Nick, and his eyes are shining. “Shut up.”
Charlie pushes against Nick’s chest, leaning over him as Nick’s forced to lie down. His lips attach themselves eagerly to Nick’s, and Nick’s hand is stuck in between their chests, struggling to find purchase. He grips onto Charlie’s shirt, crumpling the fabric in his fist, racing to catch up to Charlie’s excited pace.
Charlie adjusts himself - somehow, not detaching their lips because he’s some kind of super hero - and pulls down next to Nick. They lie on their sides, kissing like it’s been years. It feels like it has.
Nick really, really missed Charlie. Not just, er… this side of Charlie, but everything about him. Charlie’s not just his sort-of boyfriend; Charlie’s his best friend, his confidant, a huge part of his support system. Nick dramatically thinks he might have exploded if it had taken them any longer to get back together.
“I really missed you,” he tells Charlie, in between everything, the little pecks and the longer ones. His breath is coming so unevenly that his head is going a little dizzy. He’s still not quite used to kissing like this. The feelings that arise still surprise him every time.
“You’re amazing,” Charlie whispers, rolling so he’s leaning over Nick again. “What you did today…” Charlie gives Nick’s lips a break and kisses his cheeks over and over again. “That was so brave. You’re amazing, Nick.” The kisses get a little harder, more pressure, like Charlie’s pushing into him, all of his feelings and everything he can’t say.
“ You’re amazing.” Nick can barely get the words out before he’s being kissed breathless again. Charlie hands press into the sides of his face, almost desperate, and there’s so much Nick wants to say, but he just doesn’t have the words. He feels so damn much for this boy. Like, more than feels humanly possible.
And it’s at that moment that Nick gets a sudden thought: he kind of hopes that forever looks like this. Like, it’s early days, right? They’ve only just got back together, they’re not even really official, and it’s been, what? Three months?
But Charlie is… God, he’s just everything to Nick’s 16-year-old heart. He wants to always come home with Charlie’s hand in his, always have him over for tea, always get to kiss him at the end of the night (or at the start or in the middle or just all of the time). He can’t believe that there was ever a time he didn’t have Charlie in his life. That Nick - Past-Nick - doesn’t even feel like him. It feels like some shell of a boy, lost and searching, hoping to find what Now-Nick has found. Past-Nick sure has a big storm coming.
But, as Charlie threads his fingers through Nick’s hair and holds him closer than ever before, Nick knows that he wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.