Chapter Text
“Adachi?”
I panic, no matter how much I tell myself to calm down or to not overreact, I can’t help it. My brain feels mushy like porridge and my body is way too fuzzy and slow to react in any other way but to burst into messy tears as I watch him look at me with confused eyes.
“K K Ku gh” I am struggling miserably to even produce the simple task of saying Kurosawa’s name. My words don’t work. Nothing works. I’m fighting it and trying to be big but I can’t, just can’t.
Hold me, tell me everything is going to be ok, tell me I’m good. Please.
“please” it comes out as a pathetic whisper barely understandable. But he understands it. He slowly comes closer, as if not to startle me. He looks worried and like he’s itching to ask all the questions that are probably flowing through his mind. But instead he brings his hand softly to my face, wipes the tears that keep on falling through my lashes and down my cheeks, and brings me to his chest in a warm embrace.
Kurosawa doesn’t say anything but I can hear his inner voice. I’m not capable of keeping up with all the questions and bursts of thoughts but I can hear him thinking that it’s all going to be ok, that he will protect me and not let anything hurt me. That’s the last thing I hear when I pass out in his arms, exhausted but so warm.
Kurosawa's POV
I quickly went to the convenience store near Adachi’s flat to buy a couple things that were missing for today’s breakfast. It was way to early to be awake since it’s Saturday but I woke up with this urge to pamper my Adachi since he was feeling a lot of stress from the last work week. He didn’t have to tell me, I could see it. The twitching and nervous tics he gets when he’s stressed, the way he sits just a tad bit closer so that you can feel his body warmth. And the distracted stares. Those worry me. I can’t read them and it scares me.
Adachi is still shy and hasn’t opened up to the depths that is his somewhat simple but confusing mind. I can’t read minds like he does so I will never know until he tells me.
Us dating is still fresh and new and exciting, everyday next to Adachi knowing that he’s mine is just pure heaven. I love him so much and I want him to be happy. I want to share everything with him but I know if we go to fast he will get overwhelmed, but that’s ok I understand and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for him to trust me, his morning smiles are enough for me to feel his care and affection. I’m rambling. It’s ok I’m just overflowing with love for my angel.
So, I went to the store, Adachi was still sleeping deeply when I woke up, snoring softly and all bundled up in the warm covers. I got up and very quietly got out to get the groceries, but when I came back I saw a sight that both confused me and broke my heart to millions pieces with affection.
Adachi was sitting on the bed, still rolled up in the comforter, with droopy eyelids and a white pacifier in his mouth. I paused. He flinched so hard he might have gotten hurt. His eyes opened full of panic, the pacifier fell out of his mouth and his eyes, his beautiful eyes, filled with tears that cascaded down his face. Sobs came out like they had been punched out and I couldn’t move.
“Adachi?” I managed to say before the tears started to fall. The sight broke me.
“K K Ku gh” a pathetic sound came from the bundle of blankets, so tiny and low that I could barely hear it. What’s wrong? Why? Did I do something?
“please” that was a word, a please, I don’t know what’s happening but I have to hold him. Protect him.
I approached him slowly, as if he were a wild animal that could be startled at any moment. I got to him, just looking at him makes my chest fill up with pity and so much love. I touch his face with all the gentleness I can muster. ‘What’s wrong? What’s going on? Is he hurt? What was he doing? I love him. He looks so scared.’ So many thoughts flashing through my mind as I wipe his tears hoping he understands I’m here to help, that he’s going to be ok.
I bring him to my chest in a gentle cradle, I promise to myselfthat I will protect him with my life and not let anything hurt him. As I gently rock him I feel his body melt into mine, my eyes never leave his face as I watch him close his still tear filled eyes and he passes out in my arms. It’s a scary feeling but also pride bubbles in my chest as I feel his breathing evening out and he rubs his face against my chest like a kitten that is trying to get comfortable in their owners lap, trusting them.
We stay like that for what feels like hours, breakfast forgotten and lunch probably nearing, I can’t tell for sure, but I do know he’s going to be hungry when he wakes up.
I hadn’t dared to move, but I kept peaking at the pacifier that had fallen out of his mouth when this whole mess began. I kept looking at it, my hand on his head slowly stopped petting him. I reached out to grab it and looked at it with curiosity and confusion. For a second Adachi moved and I froze, but he just nuzzled closer to me, as if that was possible.
I kept inspecting the object and suddenly felt this rushing affection, as if I didn’t have enough already, and need to care for the man sleeping in my lap. He knows Adachi can take care of himself, he knows he’s strong and feisty when he has to be and how smart he is, but at that moment he could only think about the fragility of his boyfriend, one who doesn’t share his worries and hides his insecurities, maybe he didn’t feel comfortable sharing this part of him, one he probably felt wasn’t worthy of Kurosawa’s care. I don’t understand what this is or why Adachi does this but I love him, I’m willing to learn.
So I decide to slowly bring it to his mouth, checking first if it got dirty when it fell and watched as Adachi subconsciously opened his mouth to welcome it, signing in relief and melted even more into his embrace.
It shocked me, I had never seen him like this, so open, fragile and frankly, small. Adachi isn’t a small person. Yes he is shorter than me and hunches on himself to hide when he’s uncomfortable but he hadn’t ever hidden himself from or in mein this short time they had been dating, even before when they were colleges and then friends. And here he is, hiding in mychest as if he expects Kurosawa to protect him from everything. It’s touching and it makes my eyes moisten with unshed tears of pure affection for this man. This man who already made his brain melt and heart pound in close distance, who made Kurosawa write poems and explode with the need to yell out to the world how much he loves him, is making him fall in love all over again.
Adachi's POV
‘I love him’ ‘he’s my precious angel’ ‘you can trust me, I will protect you’
Adachi hears Kurosawa think when his brain starts to re-gain consciousness, albeit still very fuzzy and really warm. This feels like heaven, Kurosawa feels warm and sturdy and his hands are moving circles on my back and I still can’t think a clear thought.
Warm. Fuzzy. Comfy. Love.
I feel content and suckle a bit harder. Wait.
Wait. My eyes widen ready to panic as my heart rate quickens and anxiety fills my chest. I want to cry but before I can, Kurosawa looks at me, eyes filled with love and affection and my breathing stops.
“shhh, it’s ok Adachi, breathe slowly, no need to explain anything right now, I’m not angry at you love”
Kurosawa, my boyfriend, talented, strong Kurosawa is holding me so softly and thoughts filled with nothing but beautiful words of trust and love making me calm down, anxiety and panic beingreplaced by butterflies, the nice fluffy kind, and my eyes shed tears of pure adoration.
“Please don’t cry angel, I’m here for you, you are safe” I trust him. I reach for his hand and hold it as best as I can in the smallest headspace I’ve ever been on. Everything is blurry and I can only focus on Kurosawa’s low and soft voice. I hear “safe, love, angel” and I feel happy. Slowly, I don’t know how much time has passed, I detach myself for m his chest, a very hard task in my 2 year old headspace's opinion. I have to look at him.
And what I see is the softest Kurosawa I’ve ever seen, peaceful and content and a bubbling sound comes out of me. Babbles and giggles. I don’t even know.
And he smiles, chuckles a little bit at my random babbles and kissed my forehead with a loud chu sound.
I giggle even harder, so hard my paci came out of my mouth. I want it, my lip trembles and before I can even whine in protest Kurosawa is bringing it up to my mouth once more without question. My brain is so fuzzy and small that I can’t even hear his inner voice. But I don’t have to, I feel every ounce of affection he is feeling for me. My eyes start to drop again, despite probably having slept for over two hours already.
But before I can fall asleep again my stomach rumbles with hunger. I whine as Kurosawa giggles, I feel it in my ears, it’s a lovely sound.
He starts to detach himself from me and I panic, holding onto him with all my force so he doesn’t leave.
“ Shh shhh baby, Adachi honey I’m not going anywhere I promise, I just want to ask you something ok Hun?” he says in a soft voice that melts my panic like snow in spring.
“Mmm” I can’t form words but he doesn’t seem to mind.
“Angel, are you hungry?” I am but I still can’t speak “No need for words baby just nod your head slowly for yes and shake it for no”
I think he notices my struggle and does his best to make me comfortable.
I nod slowly feeling very hungry. He hums in acknowledgment.
“Hun, I have to make something for you to eat, but for that you have to stay here”
I whine and hold on tighter as my head shakes in a deep no. I don’t want Kurosawa to leave this warmth cocoon. It’s too nice.
He chuckles in awe. I don’t understand why it’s funny.
“Let’s make a deal” I perk up and detach myself from him just enough to look at his eyes “we go together to the kitchen while I make you something and you sit near me while I hold your hand. Is that ok baby?”
I ponder for a few seconds, as much as my very small mind let’s me and I agree. I’m hungry and I trust Kurosawa and I really want to hold his hand. It’s a win-win for me too.
Kurosawa’s POV
Peaceful. Is the only way I can describe Adachi right now. Actually no that’s a lie, the words Angel, love of my life and light of my day also come to my mind but I digress.
He’s peacefully sleeping, my angel. I love him. He’s so precious. I will protect you from everything. All of that fills my brain in just pure adoration and love for my Adachi.
My hand is unconsciously circling his back in silent comfort. I don’t know why but I can’t keep a smile out of my face. I feel him move, a small but noticeable movement. For a moment I hear him suckle louder on the pacifier. Maybe he’s waking up. Indeed he is. But I feel him freeze. Oh no. Not again.
I move to look at him, eyes beginning to fill up with warm tears once more. My heart fills up with affection and so much love at the sight and I do my best to calm him down. Soft words and warm touches to make him feel safe, loved and cared for.
It works and I feel pride. He falls into my embrace once more and it seems like he is ready to fall asleep again, but he is interrupted by his loud tummy asking for food.
I start to move and he panics again. We can’t have that. I reassure him, and promise him that I’m not leaving. I talk to him in a soft voice, one I would use for maybe a small puppy or a child, I never thought I would use it on my boyfriend but I’m filled with so much adoration that I can’t help but feel like it is a perfect fit, if I exaggerate with the pet names no one has to know, Adachi seems to like them. I end up forgetting this later.
I make him a very silly deal that brings a chuckle to my lips. I have this deep need to feed him, make sure he is safe and comfortable. I have always felt that, Adachi’s yum belongs to him and him only but, this is different, stronger and driven by instinct.
We make our way to the kitchen, slowly and with a lap full of Adachi as I do my best to carry him, Adachi may be light but he’s being very uncooperative right now and not exactly small in size.
I put him down and keep my promise to hold his hand. I get a chair and wrap him in blankets as I start on a simple porridge. I feel like he needs that comfort. And honestly so do I.
I get things done, it’s a bit hard since Adachi is extra clingy but we make it work. If I sneak extra forehead kisses in the meantime that’s only for Adachi to know. He suckles happily and content on that pacifier and the thought of it starts to feel warm rather than confusing. I want him to always feel like this, happy and safe. Brings a smile to my face.
He looks so cute. My baby. I love you.
Love you so much.
My Angel.