Meet me under the stars

by SheenaWilde

Summary:

After Anders is kidnapped by the Royal Navy, he is trapped on a ship with no means of escape and no way to contact Hawke.

Notes:

• For FoxInBoots.

Pre-Established Anders/M!Hawke.

Hawke was having a bad day.

It started out so nice though. Hawke always liked waking up in Anders’ arms, his lover’s warm body pressing against his, and a soft breath against his skin. He turned around until he was facing the still sleeping Anders, and took in the sight – his features soft and delicate in his sleep, his hair a golden halo around his head as it was spread out on the pillow.

Hawke couldn’t resist – he raised a hand and gently combed his fingers through Anders’s golden locks. It made Anders slowly wake up, eyes unfocused with sleep as he first opened them and looked around, finally focusing on Hawke with a tired smile.

“Good morning, love” Anders said in a tired, raspy voice.

“Good morning” Hawke whispered with a smile, then leaned forward to press a kiss on his lips.

“Why is it morning already?” Anders asked with a sigh and rolled to his back, bringing up an arm to shield his eyes from the sunlight shining in to their cabin. Technically, Hawke’s cabin, but Anders had been sleeping here for the past few years, so everyone counted it as theirs.

“Because you came to bed too late” Hawke replied with a smile as he propped himself up on an elbow. “Come on, let’s get dressed. We should arrive at Llomerynn in an hour at most.”

“Right. We’re going to get supplies today” Anders said with a nod, before gathering his strength to get out of the bed. He finally sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to fight off the drowsiness.

Hawke sat up, too, and moved next to him, then wrapped his arms around him, pressing a kiss against Anders’s neck. “I thought we are getting out of the bed, love.”

“We are” Hawke murmured against Anders’s skin.

“Not really if you keep doing that” Anders laughed lightly. “You’ll get ideas.”

“I already have ideas, thank you” Hawke grinned and with one last kiss to his lovers neck, he slipped out of the bed. “See? They don’t stop me from getting out.”

“I see that, yes” Anders said dryly, then he too stood up from the bed, if not as swiftly as Hawke.

Their ship arrived at the port of Llomerynn in the morning hours and they were planning to spend the day there, gathering supplies and having a bit of free time until sunset when they were to set sail again. Most of his crew scattered immediately, hurrying out to buy what they needed so they could enjoy themselves later, the usual few staying aboard, and Hawke leaving last with Anders and Varric in tow.

The three of them went to the market together, and Hawke arranged the delivery of food to the ship while Anders and Varric browsed the wares for whatever they needed. He was just finishing up negotiating the price of lemons when Anders approached him.

“I know a place just outside town where I can get some medical supplies. There’s a lady who prepares herbs, teas and tinctures that I could use, and she’s more reliable than any shops here” Anders explained. “It shouldn’t take more than an hour or so to walk there and back.”

“Alright, I finish up and we can go” Hawke nodded at him and turned back to the vendor with his coin purse in his hand, starting to count out the agreed price.

“No need, I can go alone. You’re busy with restocking our food anyway” Anders shook his head at that.

“I’m not sure it’s a good idea that you go off alone” Hawke turned back to Anders with a frown. “Even if we haven’t seen any navy ships, I’d rather not invite trouble. At least take Varric with you.”

“He’s busy, too” Anders shook his head and motioned towards Varric, who was in an animated conversation with another merchant. Anders leaned closer to Hawke, and spoke in a quiet voice. “Don’t worry, darling, I’ll be careful. You know I can get myself out of trouble, or I wouldn’t be on your ship.”

“You wouldn’t be on my ship if you could avoid trouble” Hawke raised an eyebrow at the other. “I’m not happy about you going alone.”

“I know, but it’ll be fine. I’ll be back at the ship in an hour” Anders put a reassuring hand on Hawke’s shoulder, then walked away.

Hawke watched him leave the market and turn east, disappearing among the houses.

That had been three hours ago. After the one-hour mark passed, he had been worried but maybe Anders underestimated the distance, or bought more things than anticipated and the weight slowed him down. Perhaps the trail was harder to walk. After the two-hour mark, he had sent out a few of his men to search the town and the nearby areas but he himself was too busy to go, with arranging the water supply and having his men and the merchant’s helper bring their food on board.

Now, with three hours having passed and his men returning empty handed, he grabbed Varric and the two of them started out east from the market, trying to follow Anders’ path. Hawke was very anxious at this point - they weren’t sure where exactly this woman lived, and they didn’t even know who she was, so they didn’t even have a good starting point for their search. The plan was to follow the roads leading out of town to the east, and search the outskirts, ask around if needed. Although Hawke would have preferred not drawing too much attention to themselves – they hadn’t been recognized as pirates yet and he wanted it to stay that way – but finding Anders was their priority. Hawke generally took care of his crew, it was part of the deal – loyalty for protection – but Anders was also much more to him. That was the reason why he felt fear gathering inside him, and why there was no way he would leave without him.

When they finally reached the outskirts of town, Hawke picked a well-worn road to start their search on. It led through the forest to a few houses that could be seen in the distance, so it was as good a place to start as any. There were a few other, smaller paths that branched off from this and went into the forest in other directions, and if they hadn’t found Anders, they would come back and search those. He really hoped it didn’t come to that.

But the moment they reached the edge of the forest, he froze in his tracks. Varric grabbed him and dragged him into the trees, out of sight before they could be seen. In front of them, among the houses, several navy officers were walking around, rifles out, searching the houses and the small buildings around them.

“Shit” Varric mumbled as they were watching them from the bushes. “Do you think they caught Blondie?”

“Yes” Hawke whispered and felt cold fear wash over him. “Why the fuck are they here? Did they know we are here?”

“I don’t know, Hawke” Varric whispered back, eyes still on the officers. “But we need to get out of here now.”

“We can’t just leave! If they took Anders-”

“Then we can’t do anything about it right now” Varric whispered back angrily with a glare. “We’ll think of something, Hawke, but now we have to get away.”

“We don’t even know their ship or their commander! If we leave now, we won’t have anything to go on!”

“And if we die here, there’ll be no one to save him” Varric replied and grabbed Hawke’s arm as he started dragging him back towards the town.

Hawke went with him reluctantly, because he knew Varric was right, but they didn’t have nearly enough information. His mind was already going through the possibilities – they could row around the island in a dinghy to spy on the navy ship, see the name of the ship, then follow it on the ocean, wait for the opportunity to raid them… Or see who their commander was, try to capture him next time they were on land and interrogate him. Or use him as a hostage in exchange for Anders.

Provided they really did capture Anders.

Provided Anders was even still alive.

Shit.

 

***

When Anders woke up, the first thing he felt was the throbbing pain in his head. He winced in pain and wanted to lift his hands to his head but realized his hands were tied together. He also realized that he was lying on a cot way harder than his own. Slowly, he opened his eyes, ignoring the pain, and for once was grateful the room he was in was quite dim. He waited for his sight to clear and his eyes to focus, then rolled to his side, pushed himself up into sitting position with his bound hands, and looked around the room.

It was a tiny cabin with barely enough space for the low cot he was currently sitting on. There was a tiny window above him through which he could see the dark sky, and a small lantern hung beside the door, giving just enough light to see. The door had a small barred window that was covered by an iron sheet from the outside. His hands were tied with strong rope in a tight knot. He tried to wiggle his hands, loosen the rope, or reach the knot, but to no avail. Whoever bound him knew what they were doing.

Now remained the question of who took him. The cabin he was in was so nondescript, it gave him no hints. So instead, he tried to focus on what he remembered. Judging by the pain in the back of his head, he was knocked unconscious. He tried to think back if he saw his attacker but nothing came to him. He remembered arriving at the herbalist’s house and knocking on her door. He knew he went inside and gave her his list of things he wanted to buy, and she started gathering them for him. He remembered putting the small bundles and glasses into his bag carefully, and then paying the woman, and- nothing. Whoever knocked him unconscious, they had come into the house after him, and the woman either didn’t notice or didn’t have time to warn him.

Anders wondered if she was taken, too. He leaned towards the idea that he was the target – he had many enemies based purely on the fact that he was a pirate. Other pirates, revengeful merchants, or the authorities all had reasons to get him, and he was pretty sure he had seen bounties on his head, too, mostly due to being on Hawke’s ship. They were quite hated by the navy ever since Hawke had successfully robbed an admiral’s ship. But maybe it was a pillaging attempt and he was held by another pirate crew? If another pirate recognized him, it could be that they decided to force him to work for them. A medic with actual medical training was rare among pirates, he knew, so he tried to keep his background as hidden as possible. But there were people still alive who knew him from his life before meeting Hawke, so he couldn’t completely disregard the idea.

His head was still throbbing with pain and a wave of nausea hit him, so he laid back down on the cot, hands massaging his forehead to try and help. It didn’t help much, and soon, the pain combined with exhaustion made Anders drift off to sleep.

 

***

 

Next time Anders came to, there was sunlight filtering through the bars of the tiny window. His head still hurt, but it was much better than last time. He was also glad to feel the sun on his skin – it had been warm on Llomerynn when they got off the ship, so he was only in pants and a shirt, no coat or doublet. The night air had been chilly, and it was good to feel some warmth come in. He sat up slowly, looking around the tiny room again, and sighed. It was not a good sign that the night had passed and he was still here – this probably meant Hawke had no idea where he was, and Anders had no way of signaling to him. Almost a whole day had passed since he was taken, too, the ship he was on could be anywhere right now.

First, Anders needed a plan to get off the ship. He could work from there, but he somehow needed to get off the ship. He could only hope they were not in the open ocean and that they would make a stop soon. And that he would be taken out of this small cell at least once, so he could get a better look at the layout of the ship.

Anders waited, sitting on top of his cot, bound hands resting in his lap and his head leaned back against the wall. Whoever took him didn’t seem to be in a hurry to talk to him, seeing they left him sleep whole night, and judging by the light, it was already nearing noon. Somehow he found this worse than if he was immediately questioned.

Some time passed, Anders could only guess that it was around an hour or so, when he heard footsteps coming up to the door of his cell, and the iron cover was opened. Anders perked up at that, trying to get a good look at whoever was peering in. Once the man outside saw that he was awake, the latch was shut quickly and he heard the man hurry away.

But Anders managed to see enough – he caught a glimpse of a Royal Navy uniform. He was fucked.

Before he could contemplate his predicament, there were again footsteps coming towards him and the door to his cell was thrown open. Two men in uniforms marched in while another two stayed at the door. The two that came in grabbed Anders by the arms, lifted him to his feet, and started dragging him out of the room without a word, or even really looking at him. They led him through the ship, never going up to the deck, through many long corridors until they arrived at what Anders guessed was the captain’s quarters. One of the men accompanying them stepped forward and knocked on the door.

“Commander, we have brought the prisoner” he announced loudly.

“Bring him in” came a reply from inside.

The sailor who knocked opened the door, and they led him inside.

The cabin was big, even for the captain’s quarters, and Anders looked around curiously, trying to see if there was anything helpful. He saw maps hung on the walls around the door, and there were two tables on either side, covered in papers, rolled up maps, and some navigational tools. In the middle of the room was a huge writing desk, also covered in various papers and a lantern standing at one corner, with a chair in front of it, and a blond, handsome man sitting behind it, writing something. He didn’t look up as Anders was brought up to him.

“Sit him down and leave” the commander motioned at the chair across from his with his free hand as he continued to write.

“Are you sure about that, sir?” one of the sailors asked, eyeing Anders with a wary look.

“He doesn’t have any weapons and his hands are bound. What is he going to do to me?” the commander asked with an exasperated sigh as he looked up at the man. “I believe he would’ve already freed his hands if he could have. I’ll be fine.”

Clearly not happy about it but not about to argue with his superior, the man just shoved Anders down to the chair, gave him a glare, then left the room with the others. The door closed behind them, and Anders looked at the commander sitting behind the desk, still writing something, and took a closer look at him while he had the time. He looked pretty young to be a commander, he was definitely younger than Anders – he guessed wealthy or aristocratic family. He was in uniform, wearing the coat too, even though he must be way too warm and uncomfortable in it. He was also very handsome, Anders lamented, it was a shame he was with the navy. The crown shouldn’t be able to take the pretty ones.

Finally, the man put the quill in the ink bottle, folded up the paper he had been writing on, put it in an envelope and placed in on the side of his desk. That done, he leaned back in his chair and looked up at Anders.

“It’s good to see you awake. I was worried you’ve been injured. Some men hear the word pirate and become overzealous, even in the face of clear commands” the man said with a sigh. “But it’s also somewhat understandable, given how infamous you are, Anders. You have one of the largest bounty on your head that I’ve ever seen. Capturing you, with or without your captain, will earn us respect with the Crown.”

“I will not give you any information on my captain” Anders interrupted with a snarl.

“This is not an interrogation” the man shrugged simply at that. “I don’t need names. I just thought to tell you what will happen to you now. First, my name is Cullen Rutherford, and I am the commander of this vessel, the HMS Valiant. We are now sailing back to Ferelden, where you will be given over to the authorities.”

“No execution on the spot for the wicked pirate? The navy isn’t what it used to be” Anders interjected again.

“I would rather avoid any unnecessary deaths aboard my ship” the commander frowned at him at that, and Anders could see he was getting under his skin.

“Oh, yes, so much better to be hanged in a Fereldan port than to be shot on a ship. I feel the honor” Anders snorted and leaned back in his chair.

“You’re not being shipped across the Amaranthine Ocean only to be hanged” the commander leaned forward with a frown, annoyance now clearly showing on his face, although his voice was still calm. “You’re a doctor with valuable knowledge. As we are at war with the Qunari, you’ll be offered a royal pardon in exchange for your services.”

That made Anders shut up and a cold wave of fear washed over him. He would rather choose death than go to war for the Fereldans. But better yet, he would need to get off the ship before it ever arrives at its destination. They were going across the Amaranthine then – that was certainly a bad sign, but they would surely stop somewhere yet before sailing out to open water. At least, Anders really hoped so.

“I see that you’re not thrilled at the idea” the commander said and with a sigh, leaned back in his chair.

Anders swallowed his comment about understatements, and instead covertly looked over the desk, trying to see if there was anything he could swipe to use for breaking out. Anything would have done that he could use to cut the ropes on his hand or pick the lock on his cell with. But there were only papers in stacks, with some letters and a few books, not even a letter opener was visible. He wondered if he could steal a cufflink off a sailor who would bring him back to his cell – he wasn’t a thief but he had pick up a few things from Varric over the years, maybe this would work.

“Isn’t it better to stay alive than to die? You would be free after the war” Rutherford tried but as Anders refused to answer, he sighed and stood up, calling out towards the door. “Come in! Take him back to his cell!”

The two sailors marched in, then dragged Andes to his feet and started not too gently leading him back towards his cell. Anders tried to get a good angle on his hands so he could try to lift a cufflink of one of them, but he couldn’t get his hands close enough. Every time he moved his tied hands to the side, he was shoved forward and given a glare. So much for that.

Finally, Anders was pushed back inside the familiar tiny room and he heard the lock turn behind him. With a groan, Anders collapsed on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He needed a plan very quickly.

 

***

 

To Anders’ desperation, the next day they docked at a port but he was left in his hole of a cell. He tried standing up on his low cot to try to look out and catch a glimpse of where they were, but he only saw other navy ships around them, bustling with sailors in uniform. He had no way of getting out, and he was afraid they would not stop again. Once they brought him to Ferelden, it would be incredibly hard to get away – his only hope would be that whichever port they would arrive at is far enough away from Denerim that he could somehow escape during his transport. But he didn’t want to let it come to that.

Around noon, the latch opened on the door.

“Sit down on the bed” the man looking through barked at him, and begrudgingly, Anders obeyed because he was curious what was happening but also would rather not get beat up for disobeying.

Once he popped down on the bed, the latch closed and he heard the door being unlocked. Two sailors stopped outside the door and a third brought in a tray, plopped it down on the floor just inside of the door, then went out of the room and the door was locked again.

Anders moved off the bed and looked at whatever he was given as food. There was a mug of water, one bowl and one spoon on the tray, and in the bowl there was a pale slice of meat on top of some mush, which was probably vegetable, but Anders couldn’t tell what kind. He stared at the bowl in disgust – he knew food at sea didn’t always look too appetizing but this was a whole another level. He took the bowl and raised it carefully to his nose, sniffing at it. At least it didn’t smell rotten. Still, Anders wasn’t sure he wanted to eat it. He was hungry for sure, his stomach had been growling whole day, but one look at what he received and suddenly eating didn’t seem so appealing. He drank the water though. At least he wouldn’t go thirsty.

“Hey!” Anders shouted, wanting to get the attention of the guard. “Can I at least get a knife? This meat scrap or whatever is tough as the sole on my boots!”

“You won’t get a knife. Chew it if you can, or leave it. I don’t care if you can eat the food or not” came the unhelpful reply.

Anders sighed in frustration. If he got a knife, even if it was a dull one, he could try to cut through his ropes, but with the spoon… He took it into his hand anyway, looking at it to see if there’s any sharp edges he could use. Maybe if he tried hard enough… He put the sharpest-seeming edge to the rope and started trying to cut through it, moving it quickly and pressing it against the rope as hard as he could from the awkward angle he could hold it, but nothing happened.

Cursing to himself, Anders stopped and tried to think. Hoping maybe he could use it to undo the knot, he tried to insert the handle into the middle of it, while he tried to pull on the threads with his fingers and teeth, tugging on them fruitlessly. With a frustrated growl, he threw the spoon down, and buried his face in his hands.

After taking a moment to calm down, Anders took the spoon in hand again, looking at it. Maybe he could sharpen it on the bars up on his tiny window. He would have to be careful, but seeing that the latch on his door was mostly closed, he had a chance to do it. Quickly, he took the spoon and looked around for a good place to hide it. He didn’t want to hide it in any obvious place, like the old pillow he had or on his person but there wasn’t too many options, either. In the end, he stuffed it inside the leg of his boot with no better choice – perhaps the leather would hide it if he was searched.

Anders sat back on the bed, leaving the food untouched on the tray. He would rather stay hungry for now than eat whatever leftover he had been given. He had gone without food before – it’s never pleasant but he could do it if he had to. Maybe his next meal would be something more palatable.

It took some time for someone to collect the tray. Anders didn’t know if it was the same man or not, and he honestly didn’t care. He did, however, note that he had been left alone for an hour. He would pay attention next day, too, to see if this was going to be a pattern, or if they would leave the tray with him however long they felt like.

“You didn’t eat” the man that picked up his tray said with raised eyebrows. “Well, don’t bother asking the guard later, you won’t get anything till tomorrow.”

With that, he turned around and started to walk outside. He came to an abrupt stop at the doorway and turned back around with a frown.

“Where’s the spoon?”

“I don’t know wha-” Anders started to say innocently, but the other sailor came up to him and grabbed him by the front of his shirt to drag him up to his feet.

“Give it up, or I’ll beat it out of you” he shook Anders but he decided to stay silent and just stared back at his captor. “That’s fine by me” the man said and let go of his shirt, then hit Anders’s face hard enough that he fell on the ground. “Ready to talk now?” he asked as he leaned over Anders, arm raised for another strike.

“That’s enough” the one holding the tray said before he could hit Anders again. “You know the commander said to not hurt him unnecessarily. We’ll come back later and search him. The fuck he’s going to do with a spoon?”

The angry guard glared at Anders, but seemingly listened to the other as he turned around and left with a him, the one with the tray following him. Anders was left on the floor as the door was closed and locked behind them.

Anders waited until he couldn’t hear their footsteps anymore, and only then pushed himself up into a sitting position on the ground, and leaned back against the wall. He carefully felt his face where he was hit – he didn’t see any blood on his fingers as he pulled his hands back, but it did hurt like hell. The bastard was strong. His face would be swollen for a few days for sure. Shit.

The tie on front of his shirt also came loose and he quickly tugged on them. He was hungry, tired and cold. The bastards didn’t even give him a blanket, only a small, torn pillow stuffed with hay. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to rest a little.

Anders realized he had fallen asleep when he was suddenly awoken by the door of his cell slamming against the wall. He looked up to see who were coming in – two sailors marched in, the one who hit him earlier wasn’t among them, but the other who stopped him was, and finally, the commander came in, too. Anders raised his eyebrows at that. He didn’t think the man was actually serious about anything he had said in his cabin, but that those were only to placate him, to convince him to cooperate. But he hadn’t heard of navy commanders who actually cared for their prisoners enough to visit them in their cell.

“I’ve heard there was an altercation” Cullen stopped in front of Anders, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Please, give up the spoon and let’s be done with it.”

Anders sat there motionless for a few moments, considering what he should do. But he had to admit that there was no point in resisting now. The spoon was useless to him anyway, and getting beaten up, or God knows what else they would do to him as punishment. So with a sigh, Anders fished the spoon out of his boot, stood up and gave it to the commander. The front lacing of his shirt was still untied and the shirt slipped off one of his shoulders when he stood. He quickly reached up to pull it back up and yanked on the laces, but out of the corner of his eyes, he caught Cullen following the movement with his eyes. Anders saw as Cullen’s eyes were traveling down his body, then quickly looked away, probably hoping that no one noticed.

Well, maybe the two sailors standing behind him, keeping an eye on Anders didn’t, but Anders did, and he was not going to forget it. He knew what he saw in the commander’s eyes – it was desire, and he could use that. If he could manage to be alone with him, he could try to see if he could use this, if he could seduce him. If he could get him to bed and tire him out, maybe he would fall asleep or be dazed enough for Anders to quickly hide a dagger or a knife in his clothes, so next time they docked, he would be ready. It wasn’t his favorite solution to escape but it was an option, and he didn’t have too many of those.

“You’re not making things easier for yourself if you’re antagonizing my men” Cullen said finally with a sigh and clasped his hands behind his back. “I would really like to deliver you to the Crown alive and without any major injuries. But unfortunately, I can’t account for all my men’s temper if you provoke them.”

With that, without waiting for an answer, Cullen turned around and left the cell. The two sailors followed, and Anders was left alone again as the door locked behind them. Anders sat down on his cot and leaned his head back against the wall with a sigh. Now at least he had a lead, another idea – he only had to get the commander alone somehow.

 

***

 

The following days, Anders didn’t eat anything. It wasn’t quite intentional on his part, but the food they kept bringing him was just as unappetizing as the first time, and he couldn’t bring himself to try it. They weren’t always eating fresh food on Hawke’s ship either, of course, but they were frequently docking in ports, so they generally didn’t have to resort to a purely oatmeal and cured meats diet with whatever half-rotten or fermented vegetable they had.

During these days he had been warned he wouldn’t be getting special treatment, or that he wouldn’t be allowed to starve himself to death before they got to Ferelden, but he didn’t really care about them. Their threats honestly just made him want to be stubborn and refuse the food just to annoy them, although the food was bad enough he didn’t do it out of spite. He was curious what they would even do about it, since killing him was off the table.

Anders didn’t have to wait for long to find that one out – after five days of him refusing food, he was suddenly dragged out of his cell one evening. He thought for a moment that they had changed their minds about the keeping him alive part but he was mistaken. They led him to the commander’s office instead where he was sat down to the same chair as last time. The commander was sitting behind his desk, writing something, just the same as last time.

“Untie him” Cullen said to the sailors without looking up.

“But sir-”one of them started to protest but Cullen stopped him with a raised hand as he paused his writing.

“I won’t argue. I’ve given a command” he said harshly and returned to his writing.

The man who tried to argue made a pained expression, then turned to Anders finally and with a bit of struggle, he worked the knot of Anders’ bounds free, taking the rope off his hands with a glare aimed at him. Anders ignored him as he slowly opened and closed his fists, moving his fingers carefully while the blood returned to them. His hands felt rigid and tense from being forced into the same position with the ropes, and it felt so good to move them freely finally.

Cullen had apparently finished writing whatever it was, as he put the quill down, placed the sheet of paper on top of a pile, and looked up at the men standing on Anders’ sides.

“You can leave now” he told his men with a stern look. It worked, the two sailors obeyed without a word and left the room. Cullen then turned to Anders with a concerned frown. “Are your hands injured?”

“No, they are just numb” Anders sighed and let his hands fall into his lap. He then leaned back in the chair and looked at the commander, waiting.

“Right” Cullen said, then cleared his throat. “I heard you refused to eat.”

“Yeah, and I heard navy commanders didn’t coddle their captives” Anders snapped back at the other. “I don’t see why you’d care.”

“Because” Cullen started with an exhausted sigh. “You’re under my supervision and I have my orders from the Crown. Though I could transfer you to another navy ship where the standard procedure when capturing a pirate is instant execution if you insist on dying.”

Anders pressed his lips together tightly at that and didn’t say anything.

“I thought so, too” Cullen said wryly, and stood up, walking to a side table next to the wall, not far from his desk. It had a silver tray on it, and Cullen took two plates off it, dropping one off in front of his chair, and bringing the other to Anders, placing it down in front of him. “I requested they prepare the same dinner for you from now on that I receive. I hope it will suit your taste better than whatever you’ve been given so far.”

With that, Cullen walked back around the table and sat back down in his chair, preparing to eat.

Anders looked at the plate in front of him, then stared up at the commander in shock.

“Why?”

“I can only repeat myself” Cullen said with an exasperated look. “I don’t want unnecessary bloodshed on my ship.”

Anders kept his eyes at the commander, considering his words and the way he was looking at him, then decided to make his move now and stood up. Cullen abruptly followed suit, eyes narrowed as he was watching his every movement with suspicion. With an innocent looking smile, Anders raised his hands to show he didn’t mean any harm, then started to walk towards him. Cullen was still watching him with a wary, suspicious look, but Anders was not deterred. Instead he just gave the most charming smile he could muster as he walked up to the commander, and using that his hands were still raised, he just moved them forward until they were on Cullen’s chest. The commander jerked away from his touch, staring at Anders in shock, but the way his cheeks were turning red indicated to Anders he wasn’t absolutely against the idea. So Anders advanced on him again, now grabbing onto the lapels as he moved closer once again.

“Come on, commander, I have seen you look” Anders whispered in his best seductive voice.

“You don’t have to do this” Cullen said silently and swallowed nervously. “I’ve already offered you better food, I don’t need anything in exchange.”

“Oh, I know” Anders smiled as he leaned closer. His hands let go of the coat and instead moved under it to rest on Cullen’s waist. “That doesn’t mean I can’t be grateful.”

The commander stared at him, his mouth opening and closing without a word leaving his mouth, his expression shocked and flustered.

“I don’t need you to- to do anything in return” Cullen said finally, and quickly took a few steps backwards, out of Anders’s reach. “Please, just- just sit back down and eat.”

“Are you sure? I could put my mouth to better use” Anders gave Cullen his best seductive grin, his eyes trailing down his body to emphasize his meaning.

Judging by the redness spreading on his face, it wasn’t necessary.

The commander walked back to his chair and sat down, his eyes strictly on the surface on the desk.

“Please, just sit back down and eat. Then you can go back to your cell” Cullen said in the voice he used with his men, and while it didn’t quite have the same effect on Anders in did on them, the thought of that voice giving him an order in bed made him shiver. Oh well, one more reason to get Cullen to agree to his plan.

But for now, Anders obeyed and sat down as requested, then pulled the offered plate closer. It wasn’t as bad as what he had received – a few slices of some cured meat, probably pork, and a few slices of mango that were already turning brown. He started to eat without a word and tried to not seem too desperate, but the moment the first bite reached his stomach, he realized just how hungry he was. The commander also ate in silence across from him. They finished their dinners in silence, and once he was done, Anders leaned back in his chair wordlessly. He decided he had pushed Cullen enough for one night – he would give him time to consider his offer, to mull over the possibilities and maybe realize this was an opportunity to seize.

When Cullen finished eating, too, he looked over at Anders to see if he was finished, then gave him a smile as he saw the empty plate. Anders just crossed his arms and looked away in response. He didn’t plan on dying in navy custody, he didn’t eat just to please him.

“I have arranged for you to be brought here for every dinner from now on” Cullen said, still smiling and apparently ignoring Anders’s lack of response. Then he looked towards the door and raised his voice. “Come in!”

The sailors from earlier came into the room and marched up to Ander’s sides, waiting for the next command.

“You can take him back to his cell for now. Bring him tomorrow, same time. Oh, and don’t tie him again” Cullen said as one of the sailors moved towards Anders with the rope ready in his hands.

The man turned towards the commander with an incredulous look.

“But sir, it’s the standard in case the prisoner tries to escape!”

“And where do you think he would go? We’re in the middle of the ocean. Just keep an eye on him and on our lifeboats” Cullen said with a sigh, then looked to Anders. “Which I would not recommend trying, unless dying of thirst in the heat sounds like a better option.”

“I’ll keep that in mind” Anders said dryly and rolled his eyes as he was dragged to his feet.

One of the men took his arms and jerked them behind his back roughly, making Anders hiss in pain. He turned around and glared at the man, but he didn’t seem to care as he just started pushing him forward, marching him out of the room and back to his cell.

Once Anders was alone in his cell again, he considered the commander’s reaction to his advances. He rejected him because he didn’t want to take advantage, not out of disgust. Quite the opposite, he seemed very interested in Anders, if conflicted. Anders could work with that.

 

***

 

For the following days, Anders was escorted to Cullen’s cabin for dinner. He was sat down in the same chair, given the same simple meal of a glass water and a small plate of cured meat and fruit, then escorted back to his cabin. He was making small talk with Cullen during these dinners, where Cullen revealed a few details about himself – he was unusually young for his position, as his promotion was expedited by his predecessor’s untimely death. He was also unmarried but had several siblings he kept in touch with, who were still living in Ferelden, and, surprisingly, he was from Lothering, the same town Hawke grew up in. He also loved dogs, like Hawke, which made Anders scrunch up his nose. He was surrounded by beautiful, strong men who had very wrong opinions about pets.

But as interesting – and disappointing - as some of these facts were, Anders didn’t care much about them, as his primary goal with this was to get closer to the commander. He had to find a way to get close to Cullen, and if easy sex wasn’t the way, then he had to find something else. There were people who needed to feel a connection, who yearned for human contact more than just sex, and the commander seemed the type. He was always so professional with his men, always keeping strict distance – someone like that must be lonely, Anders figured.

“Do you have any family?” Cullen asked him out of the blue during a dinner where they had both been silent.

“No, I- My parents are both long gone. My father got what he deserved a long time ago, my mother passed of old age just a few years ago” Anders said with a shrug, as he saw no issue with revealing this part of the truth – at least the navy would know there’s no one to blackmail him with. There was only Garrett now, and by extension the crew, but he wouldn’t give up their names.

“I’m sorry to hear that” Cullen looked at him, and his eyes were so open and honest, it shocked Anders, and he could only blink in surprise.

“It’s okay. I know my mother had a better life after she was rid of my father” he shrugged quickly, dismissively, and looked down at his plate. “How about you? Do you have family? A wife and kids waiting at you back home?”

“No, nothing like that” Cullen laughed lightly. “I have two sisters and a brother back in Ferelden though, all of them married. My older sister has two children already.”

“That’s quite the family then” Anders looked up at Cullen again. “And you don’t want to join the family tradition of marrying young?”

“No, not really” Cullen laughed at that again. “I joined the navy with a few friends very young, because I had to support my family, we all had to. It seemed better than the army back then, to sail on the mysterious oceans and fight the unknown enemies, protecting the country from intruders. I was a kid when I was first put on a ship and sent out. Then all these years… They seemed to just vanish as I climbed the ranks, Maker knows how, and now I’m a commander with more paperwork than I ever thought I’d have to complete.”

Anders snorted at that.

“Well, you are always writing something when I’m brought in.”

“Tell me about it” Cullen said wryly. “Sometimes I wish my parents didn’t put so much effort into our education, maybe I wouldn’t have been given so much paperwork then.”

“No, you’d be stuck removing barnacles instead” Anders pointed a finger at Cullen. “Do you want to be stuck removing barnacles?”

“No, I don’t, now that you mention it” Cullen made a face at that, then both of them started laughing.

Anders turned back to his plate, a smile still on his lips as he raised the next slice of apple to his lips. He took it into his mouth, taking a bite as he glanced over at Cullen, and caught him watching the movement, quickly averting his eyes when he noticed Anders looking. He grinned around the piece of apple in his mouth as he started to chew – it was good to know he drew the commander’s attention to himself even when he wasn’t trying. He casually rolled his shoulders, as if they were stiff, but he made sure his shirt would slide down a bit further, revealing more of the skin on his shoulders and collarbones. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Cullen follow the movement and swallow nervously before he turned back to his own food. He smiled to himself – this always worked on Hawke, to this day, even though they’d been together for years at this point, so he knew it would work on the commander as well.

The rest of the dinner passed without much conversation, but as Anders was eating the last few slices of fruit, he caught a few glances from Cullen. When he was finally brought back to his cell, Anders wasn’t too worried anymore.

 

***

 

As it became typical, Anders was led to Cullen’s office for dinner, although it was later than usual. He didn’t think much about it, as a captive, he was sure he wasn’t priority to anyone. When he was sat down at his usual place, Cullen looked up from his work while the two sailors were leaving the room.

“Apologies for being late but I had some issues with a junior officer I had to sort out” Cullen said with an exhausted expression. “I’m still working on the letter about this situation. I want him gone from my ship as soon as we dock next.”

“That sounds… serious” Anders blinked at Cullen in surprise, not really knowing what to say.

“It is” Cullen grimaced, then shook his head with a sigh. “I’m sorry, you’re not here to hear about my problems.”

With that Cullen stood up from his desk and walked over to the same side table where the tray was always waiting for them. Cullen took their plates and put Anders’s in front of him, then sat back down at his seat. They started eating in silence, Anders grateful for the salted meat and fresh if a bit dry slices of pineapple.

“One time we desperately needed fruit for our ship” Anders started as he took the last bit of pineapple into his hand. “We have run out on open sea and by the time we reached shore, some of our men started to show signs of scurvy. The first place where we could buy fruit, the woman must have noticed our desperation, because she tried to charge us double. My captain is a very convincing guy, but he was getting nowhere with her, and we didn’t have enough gold on us to afford spending so much on fruit, even if it was desperately needed. So he called for me, to ‘use my charms’, as he put it, and got me flirting with her. Well, long story short, I had a good night and the ship got very cheap fruit.”

Anders gave Cullen a grin and a meaningful look, and laughed when the commander looked away with a flustered expression.

“But, oh well, I must be either getting old, or losing my touch” Anders leaned back in his chair, his plate now empty and eyes on Cullen. “Since it doesn’t seem to work on you. A shame, too, I know it would be fun.”

“I- I don’t doubt your- abilities” Cullen muttered, his eyes strictly on his similarly empty plate.

 “But they are clearly not working on you” Anders sighed dramatically, and stood up from his chair, walking around the desk until he was standing beside Cullen’s chair. He leaned back against the desk and smiled at Cullen, who was watching his every move intently. “We could have such a good time together.”

“It’s not appropriate” Cullen said slowly, although with less conviction.

“That’s a pretty stupid reason to reject me, you know” Anders said as he put a hand on Cullen’s thigh and leaned forward, until their noses were almost touching.

“It is, isn’t it” Cullen sighed, eyes closed for a moment, then he raised a hand to pull Anders down into a kiss.

Anders smiled briefly in triumph as he was finally pulled into the kiss but he quickly focused his attention on Cullen again, who seemed to be taking his time. Anders couldn’t deny that it was a very pleasant kiss with Cullen’s surprisingly soft lips against his own, albeit it was a bit too chaste for Anders’s liking. He put his hands on Cullen’s shoulders and pushed him backwards in his chair while he moved to straddle his lap, and deepened the kiss. Hands came up to rest on his waist, Cullen’s palms hot on him even through his clothes. He pressed their hips together and felt the shiver that ran through Cullen’s body at that. He pulled back from the kiss to look at Cullen, and now could see his eyes dark with desire.

With a smirk, Anders sank to his knees in front of a perplexed Cullen.

“You don’t have to-”

“I want to” Anders gave him a heated look as he swatted away Cullen’s hand that was trying to stop him.

Anders moved his hands to Cullen’s knees and opened his legs, moving in between them, which drew a sharp breath from the man. With a quick, amused glance at him, Anders reached out and quickly undid the lacing of his breeches, then dragged it out of his way and freed an already half-hard cock from it. With a last, devilish look up at him, Anders leaned forward to lick Cullen’s cock, smiling at the lewd moan it drew from him. He pressed a kiss to the tip, eliciting another moan, then licked down his shaft and nuzzled his nose against his groin. He pulled back to the tip again, and this time wrapped his lips around the eager erection in front of him, enveloping him, and slid his lips down his length until he fully took him in his mouth.

Anders started to move his mouth around Cullen’s cock, taking him as deep into his mouth as he could, then pulled back slowly, until his lips were wrapped around only the tip. He teased the end with his tongue, eliciting a jerk of hips from Cullen. He started moving his head then, and felt Cullen squirm on his chair, his hands clawing at the arm rests, trying to find something to hold onto. Anders reached up and grabbed one of Cullen’s hand, guiding it to rest on his head. He placed his hands on Cullen’s thighs then, stroking his thumb up and down the muscles beneath his palms as he was moving his head. Cullen seemed to get the idea, too, as he let his hand finally slide into his hair, his fingers gently combing through his locks, completely destroying his ponytail in the process.

This made Anders close his eyes and moan around Cullen’s cock, a particular tug sending a shiver through his body. He had already been hard from just the taste of Cullen’s cock in his mouth, but this made him twitch impatiently, Anders took a deep breath and kept moving his head around Cullen, trying to ignore the impatient heat growing in his own groin. Cullen’s hips jerked involuntarily, and Anders drew out a string of curses from him when he pulled back and teased the head of his erection with his tongue, before diving back in until his full length was in his mouth again. It only took Anders a few more movements of his head before his felt Cullen’s body tense under his touch, his cock twitching one final time, then he cummed in Anders’s mouth, a cry stifled by his own hand.

Anders pulled back from Cullen and leaned back against the shelves of the desk, watching the commander as his release washed over him, mesmerized by the sight of his body trembling in pleasure. He found his own hand wandering over to his aching crotch, palming himself through his clothes as the pleasure moans were driving him mad with want. Anders closed his eyes and tilted his head back, his hand diving into his pants as he was trying to reach his own climax.

Suddenly he felt hands on his groin as he opened his eyes to find Cullen kneeling between his legs spread on the floor, working the lacing of his breeches free.

“You don’t have to-” Anders started to protest, even though his breathing grew faster with every brush of Cullen’s knuckled against his own hardness.

“I want to reciprocate” Cullen said with a determined look, and Anders could see desire in his eyes, too, which made his breath hitch.

Anders only nodded and leaned his back again, eyes clothes, and let Cullen drag his clothes out of the way. He let out a surprised whimper when a warm wetness suddenly surrounded him – he expected a clumsy handjob from the eager commander, not the hot lips that moved around his length expertly, teasing and moving around him. Anders was so close already, the waiting bringing him close to the edge, and Cullen was finding all his weak spots, his hands stroking his thighs, his balls, sliding over the curve of his ass. His mouth worked tirelessly on Anders, until he finally cummed with his teeth sank into his bottom lips to stop himself from making any loud noises. Anders collapsed back against the desk, heart beating loudly and breathing erratic, his chest rising and falling rapidly while his orgasm washed through his body.

When the haze of his climax finally left him, Anders felt like his body was boneless and light, floating in warm nothingness. He eventually opened his eyes to find Cullen already standing, dressing and trying to make himself look presentable. When he glanced down and saw that Anders was watching, he looked away with a blush but offered a clean handkerchief to him. Anders took it with a nod of thanks, and worked on cleaning himself up as best he could, then stood up too, and fixed his breeches.

Once they were both looking less ravished, Cullen motioned for Anders to sit back down at his usual chair, while he dragged his own back to its place and took a seat as well. He cleared his throat in embarrassment, his eyes sweeping over the room if everything looked the way it should, the dirty handkerchiefs tucked away inside his coat, out of view. When he judged themselves presentable, he called for the men outside the door to bring Anders back to his cell. Anders was too tired to protest or say anything, so he just let himself be taken back.

Once there, he collapsed on the bed, eyes closed and sleep lurking close by. He had almost fallen asleep completely when he realized he had forgotten to take a knife or dagger or anything that could help him escape. Sweet Maker – he was fucked.

 

***

 

Anders didn’t know what to expect for their next dinner, but Cullen barely looking at him as he was brought in and sat in his usual spot, his plate already prepared for him, was certainly unexpected. He expected a navy commander to be able to handle situations like this a bit better, and not by burying his face into a letter while his men left the room to hide his blush. But Anders wasn’t complaining – he was utterly entertained by the sight, and was also glad that his botched attempt at getting a weapon or anything to use in an escape attempt wasn’t in vain. Cullen was affected by it, which meant he was getting somewhere with him.

He chose to ignore the fact why exactly he forgot to do anything.

Anders didn’t touch his food, just watched Cullen as he put his quill away once it was only them in the room, and very slowly stacked the papers in a neat pile on the side of his desk. Finally, he did look at Anders, who bit his lower lip to keep himself from smiling, and only raised an eyebrow at him.

“I… wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday” Cullen started nervously, his cheeks flushed. “I- It was completely unprofessional and I- I shouldn’t have taken advantage of your situation.”

“I think we weren’t at the same place then” Anders raised his eyebrow even further and it made Cullen shut his mouth and stare at him. “Because I remember that I was the one very enthusiastically starting the whole thing” Anders said, then grinned as he gave Cullen a heated look. “Which I wouldn’t mind repeating, either. I don’t know about you, but I had a great time.”

“Of course I did, but- ” Cullen stopped himself abruptly, then buried his face in his hands. “It’s not appropriate for me to- and it’s not wise, either.”

“Inappropriate and unwise is my specialty” Anders smiled as he stood up from his chair and walked over to Cullen, who glanced up once he stopped next to him. With a hand on either shoulder, Anders gently pushed Cullen back in his chair, then moved to sit on his lap, meeting no resistance as he did so, despite Cullen’s conflicted look. He leaned forward, until their mouths were almost touching, hovering just out of reach. “Why don’t you let yourself have a good time? I’m offering.”

“Shit” Cullen muttered, then pulled Anders into a kiss.

Anders smiled into the kiss briefly, then returned it enthusiastically, opening his mouth and relishing at the feeling of a hot tongue meeting his own. He felt Cullen’s hands come up to rest at the small of his back, pulling him closer. He rolled his hips against the other, feeling Cullen’s already hard cock through their breeches. He let out a small moan, trying to keep his voice down so the guards wouldn’t hear. Cullen let his hands move down to grab his hips and pulled him closer, suddenly impatient, and Anders rolled his hips again, pressing their crotches together. Then he slid his hands down to the front of Cullen’s breeches, searching around blindly for the lacing in the front, his fingers making quick work of opening it, and diving in, freeing Cullen’s trapped erection. Once he was done, he quickly undid his own, too, bringing his own cock out. His wrapped his hand around both of them then, and started to stroke his hand up and down.

Cullen pulled back from the kiss, panting, and leaned forward to rest his forehead against Anders’s shoulder. Anders’s hips buckled involuntarily at the hot breath against his collarbone, and he started to move his hand faster, rolling his hips at the same time. Cullen brought his lips down on the exposed skin in front of him, and sank his teeth into the soft skin, biting down gently, then dragging his teeth down and along the bone to the hollow of Anders’s throat. Anders threw his head back and bit down on his bottom lip to keep himself from moaning loudly, but it prompted him to hurry up with his movements. Cullen seemed to agree, as his grip on Anders’s hips tightened, his fingers digging into his flesh, and pulled him closer.

With Cullen’s breath ghosting over his throat, his teeth grazing the skin, and with his own hand frantically working on their cocks, Anders felt the heat pool in his groin rapidly. A few strokes of his hand, his thumb brushing their tips in a deliberate, teasing motion, and Anders cummed, spilling over his hand. But Cullen wasn’t there yet, so he nudged his head up with his free hand and captured his lips in a sloppy kiss as his other hand never stopped moving around their cocks. It didn’t take too long to send Cullen over the edge, too, and he cummed with a moan that was stifled by their kiss.

Anders pulled back from the kiss then and let himself collapse forward, into Cullen’s arms, as they were both gasping for air. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the hot body enveloping him, letting the last waves of pleasure ripple through his body. He listened to Cullen’s breathing calm down almost at the same time as his own, feeling the way his chest was rising and falling under him.

Finally, once they were both calmed down and the haze of his orgasm was gone, Anders pulled back. He looked around for something to clean up with – he saw the napkin next to Cullen’s plate, and grabbed it, then tried to clean themselves up as much as possible, to a presentable state at least. He then pulled his own breeches up, quickly tying the laces, and Cullen followed suit quickly. But as Anders tried to stand up, he felt hands on his wrist.

“Please, stay close” Cullen asked gently, his voice barely a whisper as he looked up at him with soft, pleading eyes.

“Of course” Anders nodded and sat back down, his arms wrapping around Cullen’s neck as he leaned down for another kiss. This one was calmer, gentler than any of their previous ones, and Cullen was holding him now as if he was made out of precious china.

Shit, he was in trouble, Anders realized, as he refused the name the beginning of an emotion that was bubbling up in his chest.

It was Cullen who pulled back from the kiss in the end, watching Anders with a gentle smile.

“We should eat our dinners” he said with disappointment in his voice. “I don’t exactly have a time limit, but I don’t want to make anyone suspicious.”

Anders nodded in agreement, and stood up from Cullen’s lap. He dragged the shoulders of his shirt back up, tightening the front lacing, but didn’t miss the way Cullen followed his movements with his eyes, lust now openly on his expression, although he was still flushed. Anders gave him a teasing grin, then walked back to his chair and pulled his plate closer to him. He started to eat in silence, although currently a different kind of hunger was affecting him way more. When his eyes met Cullen’s, he saw he wasn’t alone with those thoughts.

 

***

 

For the following nights, they fooled around every time Anders was led to Cullen’s office.

At first, it was Anders who initiated, a heated look or a touch of hand over the desk enough to make Cullen give in. Then one time the door barely closed behind the sailors when Cullen was crowding into his space, asking for a kiss in a desperate whisper, and sweet Maker, of course Anders said yes, dragging him into a passionate kiss.

It became their new routine, and Anders was trying to ignore the implications, the way Cullen would look at him with such tenderness, the way his own heart fluttered at the smallest of touches. Nothing good would come out of it, he told himself, so he tried to ignore it and act as if he was only enjoying the sex as a welcome distraction.

But next time, instead of fucking against the desk as Anders was used to, the moment the door closed behind the guards, Cullen took Anders’s hand and let him to the back of the cabin, where there was a small bed behind a partition. It was barely enough for one person, let alone the two of them, but they made it work.

Eventually Anders collapsed onto Cullen’s chest, their legs dangling off the bed as they were pressed together on the tiny bed in an embrace.

“We don’t have too much time before we dock in Denerim” Cullen whispered into Anders’s hair.

Anders tensed at those words. These past days he was trying to ignore just how much time was passing and distracted himself with thoughts of Cullen and sex. But he knew he had been on the ship for over three weeks now, so it should take them a bit over a week to arrive at Denerim.

“How long?” he asked silently, trying to swallow the rising dread at the thought.

“We are docking at Brandel’s Reach in a day. We’ll spend some time there, that depends on what supplies we need and how much, probably a couple of days” Cullen started silently. “After that, it’s a week’s travel.”

Anders swallowed nervously at the thought and shut his eyes. He heard about how pirates were treated by the Crown – he would rather die than be taken to Denerim, but at this point, he had no choice.

“I will request the king to assign you to my ship if you want” Cullen said suddenly. “We don’t have a doctor on board, it would be a reasonable request. I would treat you fairly, you wouldn’t be my captive anymore if- if you’d want that.”

“That- that does sound better than being taken to an unknown ship” Anders started slowly, biting his bottom lip as he hesitated. Finally, he decided to be honest, and propped himself up on his elbows to look into Cullen’s eyes. “But I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble. I- I hope you understand, but I will escape at my first opportunity. If we weren’t on open water the whole time, I would have escaped from here a long time ago. I don’t plan on waiting in silence for my trial in Denerim.”

Cullen was watching him intently, and he smiled bitterly at Anders, a gentle hand coming up to cup his face.

“I understand” he said softly as his thumb stroked Anders’s cheek. “I was thinking why you were still on the ship. Based on your reputation, I thought you’d be gone in a moment, so I had my men keep a close eye on you, we kept you bound, but then…” Cullen let his hand fall away and turned his head to the side. “Then I thought, after a while, that maybe I could be a reason you stayed. And that I could convince you to stay with me.”

Anders saw the pain in Cullen’s eyes, heard the sadness in his voice, and his own heart was damn near breaking because of it. He reached out and gently forced Cullen to turn his head back towards him and look at him.

“If it was only you, love, I would stay” Anders whispered. “I would stay for you if I could, but- I have someone I need to get back to.”

“Oh, I- I understand. I didn’t know” Cullen said, visibly disheartened at that. “I’m sorry I assumed, I just- I must have misread you because of my own feelings.”

“You didn’t misread me, Cullen. I do love you” Anders smiled at him softly, his thumb gently stroking Cullen’s face. “I can love more than one person at a time. Why don’t you come with me instead? We could sneak off the ship at Brandel’s Reach, find my captain, and start a new life. You could do whatever you wanted to.”

“I don’t- That’s not a good idea” Cullen shook his head.

“Why? Do you love being in the navy so much?” Anders raised his eyebrows at him.

“No, I despise being in the navy” Cullen closed his eyes as he admitted this, hatred clear in his voice. “But I can’t just abandon my duty like that. I have no idea what I would do if I wasn’t here, there’s nothing else I’ve ever done.”

“I could help you with that. If you joined us-”

“No” Cullen interrupted with a shake of his head. He brought Anders down into a soft kiss. “I love you and would love to have you near me, but I don’t think I could live outside the navy.”

“Believe me, there’s much more to life than this” Anders said with a sigh but gave up on trying to convince Cullen, and instead lay his head back down on his chest.

“I’ll put in a good word for you when we get to Denerim. I’ll tell them you’ll be invaluable to any ship you get assigned to with your healing skills.”

“You haven’t even seen me work” Anders laughed half-heartedly.

“No matter. I just want to get them to treat you better” Cullen said and pressed a kiss on top of Anders’s head.

 

***

 

It was their second night spent in port. Anders was sitting in his cell, listening to the sounds of the busy harbor coming from outside, the sound of people walking up and down, the occasional shouts, and drunken laughter. This was their last stop before Ferelden, Cullen told him. His last chance of escaping on land, and yet here he was, sitting in his cell, hands bound once again, and without any plan to do so. He wanted to trust Cullen’s words – he wanted to believe him that he would be treated fairly, that getting assigned to a war ship wouldn’t be such a bad life, but every single part of his body screamed at him to at least try something. He wanted to go back to Hawke so badly.

Unexpectedly, there was a rustling of keys in the cell door. Anders instinctively got to his feet, ready to defend himself if needed, as no one should be coming to his cell now. He’d already had his dinner delivered earlier as Cullen was busy on land, so unless someone got drunk and decided to test their fist-fighting skills on the captured pirate, no one had any business being there. In this case, with his hands tied, he could only protect himself so much, but he would try for sure.

When the door opened, sure enough, a man in uniform entered but-

“Hawke?!” Anders stared at him in complete shock. He must be hallucinating, he wanted to leave so much. His brain must be playing tricks on him.

“A bit quieter, darling, unless you want to get us busted” Hawke grinned back at him, because goddamn it really was his Hawke.

Mirroring his grin, Anders launched himself at his lover, falling into his arms and kissing him, all his desperation and relief and need squeezed into this one kiss.

“Missed me I see” Hawke murmured once they pulled apart.

“Of course I did, love” Anders smiled at him. “I’m so glad you’re here. I had no way of getting out of here…”

“I know, they kept you pretty tightly” Hawke nodded with a somber expression. “They have stretched their supplies thin just to avoid docking. They didn’t want to give you any opportunities. It took some serious planning to get on board.”

“How did you even get the uniform?” Anders asked incredulously as he looked over his lover. “How did you find the ship I’m on?”

“We followed the ship from Llomerynn, we found it docked in a different town, but we had to keep our distance. Then we knocked out a few drunk officers a few towns over for the clothes” Hawke shrugged and took a step back, then reached for a dagger on his belt. He used it to slice through the rope around Anders’s wrists quickly. Hawke then reached outside of the door and offered a bag to Anders. “Yours is in here, get dressed, so we can finally get off this damned ship.”

Anders took the bag and tried to change as fast as he could, kicking off his boots and discarding his current clothes in a pile on the small bed, then dragged the uniform on. When only the coat and the hat were left, Hawke motioned to follow him and walked out the room. Anders followed him, while he was putting the hat on and tugging the coat up his arms. He followed Hawke’s lead towards the stairs up to the deck, but came to a halt before they would head up.

“Wait!” Anders said and turned his head towards the short corridor that led to the commander’s cabin. Hawke turned to him with a questioning look. “I think… There’s someone we should bring with ourselves, but… It might sound insane.”

“That sounds like most of your requests” Hawke said with an unsure smile.

“I… have become involved with someone. I love him, and I think he loves me, too. He’s not happy here, either, so if we asked, I think he’d come with us” Anders said slowly, watching Hawke’s reaction.

“Of course you’d get a new lover while in captivity” Hawke tilted his head to the side with an amused expression. “We can get him if he’s on the ship, but… Does he know what he’s getting into? And yes, I mean both the situation with us and the pirate thing.”

“Yes, I’ve told him about us, and of course he knows we’re pirates” Anders rolled his eyes at Hawke. “I’m not sure he’ll be thrilled about this but it’s worth an offer. In the worst case, he’ll let us leave. I trust him.”

Hawke was watching him in silence, considering his words with a frown before he gave a slow nod.

“If you say you trust him, alright. But I will knock him out if he tries to alert anyone.”

“That’s okay. I don’t think it will come to that” Anders nodded, too, then started to walk towards Cullen’s office. “Just follow me quickly and trust me.”

Anders let Hawke to the commander’s cabin. He saw light coming out of the room below the door, so Cullen had to be inside. He pressed his ear against the door, trying to listen in to see if there was anyone else in the room other than him. He wanted to be prepared if they had to knock out a guard. When he was satisfied there was no one else in the cabin, he reached for the knob.

“Wait!” Hawke’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, stopping him from opening the door. “You did not say we’re coming for the captain!” he hissed in shock.

“Well, commander, technically” Anders added with a teasing grin, then added in a serious tone. “I know what I’m doing.”

Hawke gave him a dubious look but let go of his hand, and let Anders open the door.

Anders pushed the door open slowly, eyes darting around to room to make sure Cullen really was alone. Then he looked at Cullen who was sitting behind his desk as always, and now raised his head with a frown to see who entered his office without knocking first.

“Anders!” Cullen breathed in shock as he saw who was in the uniform and rose up from his chair. “What are you-”

“Look, Cullen, we have to hurry, but I want you to come with us-” Anders started but suddenly Hawke pushed past him into the room and stared at the commander.

“Cullen?”

“Hawke?”

Anders nudged the door close behind themselves as he watched the two men stare at each other in shock.

“You two know each other?”

“Yes, we grew up in the same town” Hawke nodded, his eyes still on Cullen.

“And we joined the navy together” Cullen added, anger clear in his voice. “Before you deserted and decided to become a pirate.”

“Okay, that’s… unexpected” Anders said as he looked between the two in surprise. “But we don’t have time for this now. Cullen, Hawke is the captain of the ship I’m on, he’s here to rescue me, and I’m going to leave with him.”

“Anders-”

“I want you to come with us” Anders added quickly, cutting Cullen off before he could finish his sentence. Then he paused for a moment, swallowing nervously, but decided to continue. “He’s also the lover I told you about.”

Cullen closed his mouth, speechless, and stared forward at the two of them, emotions flashing across his face. Finally, he hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head.

“I can’t” he whispered. “I want to, but- I can’t.”

“Why? What is keeping you here?” Anders demanded and took a few steps towards him. “You hate this life, Cullen, you told me that. Your family doesn’t depend on you anymore. If you come with us, you can have your own life! Come with me!”

Cullen looked up at Anders at that, eyes confused and pained as he was visibly torn, trying to decide. Anders walked forward to the desk and reached out, taking one of Cullen’s hands in his, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He didn’t want to leave without Cullen.

“Okay” Cullen nodded finally, his expression now determined, if somewhat afraid. “Let’s go.”

Anders grinned at him in relief and happiness, and watched as Cullen grabbed his belt with his weapons off a side table, then reached for his coat. He turned back to Hawke, who was already by the door, waiting for them, and opened it once Cullen was fully dressed and behind him with Anders. They walked back to the stairs with Hawke in the front, and were just about to walk upstairs when Cullen reached out to stop Hawke.

“Let me go first. If anyone’s out there, they won’t question us if I’m leading the two of you” Cullen explained.

“Alright” Hawke said with a nod. “When we get to the dock, walk straight forward until you reach the tavern, then take a left turn. We need to go that way until we’re out of Brandel’s Reach.”

“Understood” Cullen nodded with a focused expression, then straightened his back and marched forward with his usual air of command that Anders was used to seeing.

Hawke and Anders followed behind him without a word, their expressions carefully neutral as they were walking, although Anders did keep his hat pulled as low as possible. He was sure the darkness his enough of his face, but he was careful just in case. These men had been watching him for weeks, they knew his face too well for his liking. But with their commander walking in front of them, they only saluted as they passed them and didn’t pay much attention to the other two sailors.

Cullen led them through the port as per Hawke’s instructions, ignoring all the people they were passing by, walking forward without a word along their route until they reached the edge of town. They stopped there as Cullen turned to Hawke with a relieved expression.

“Well, the worst is over I hope” Cullen said with a relieved smile as he turned to Hawke. “You can take over the lead now.”

“I hid the boat a bit further down the shore” Hawke said and gave Cullen a hard look. “This is your last chance to turn back. Once you get in that boat with us and you turn on us-”

“Understood” Cullen interrupted and held Hawke’s gaze. “But I did not make this decision lightly. I’m not changing my mind at this point.”

“Good” Hawke nodded, then gave Cullen a tense smile before turning around. “Follow me.”

They walked along the road leading to the next town for a while, then Hawke led them into the vegetation lining the shore. The line of trees and bushes was just thick enough to obscure the shore from view from the road, and Hawke led them straight across it to the sandy beach. To their left, a huge rocky outcropping separated them from the port, obscuring them from view. Hawke left them further in the direction they had been walking in once they were out on the beach. They were walking in silence, until Hawke suddenly walked up to some bushes and started throwing branches to the side. Anders and Cullen quickly walked up and helped him with removing the branches until the small dinghy under it became visible. The three of them were done quickly, and they dragged it to the water. Hawke got in and sat to the paddles, then Anders got in, too, while Cullen pushed it fully onto the water and hopped in last.

“It’s roughly an hour to Ostwick” Hawke explained as he started to row.

“Tell me if you’re getting tired, we’ll take turns with the paddles” Cullen offered, then looked around. “Do you have any navigational equipment?”

“I have a compass, yes” Hawke said with a nod. “We’re going straight to the north, around the island, then straight to the west, and reach the shore north of Ostwick. I stole the dinghy from the port, so we’ll just leave it there for them to find.”

Cullen just nodded in silence, and looked towards the port of Brandel’s Reach. He could see the lights of the busy port, the usual activity with sailors and fishermen preparing their ships or enjoying their free time in the company of some rum and women. There didn’t seem to be any commotion yet, which meant no one had noticed yet that Anders was gone. For once, he hoped his men – well, who used ot be his men – were drinking too much to focus on what was important. And at any rate, Cullen didn’t expect a swift response from them once they noticed he was gone, too. The man who followed him in rank was a drunkard, he’d surely be too hangover to start a search for them in time.

Cullen whipped his head to the side when he felt a nudge. Ander was smiling at him, leaning against his shoulder, the hat gone from his head.

“I’m glad you came with us” he said in a soft voice.

“Me too” Cullen smiled at the other, and raised a hand to caress Anders’s face.

Anders returned the smile and leaned forward, capturing Cullen’s lips in a soft kiss. Cullen went tense though, so he pulled back, only to see him glance at Hawke nervously.

“I told you, it’s okay” Anders laughed softly but pulled away.

“It really is” Hawke nodded at Cullen in assurance. “Although I’ll have to get used to the fact that you’re ex-navy.”

“Oh, says you. What exactly will happen to these uniforms, Hawke?” Anders turned to his lover with an accusatory tone and a raised eyebrow, but he could barely keep himself from smiling.

“Well, I’m not letting them go to waste, if that’s what you’re asking” Hawke grinned at Anders with a wink.

“I’m sure he’ll be having us roleplay the ‘captain captures the pirate’ within the week” Anders looked back at Cullen with an eye roll and a smile.

And Cullen, despite his blush, laughed together with Anders at that.

 

***

 

They arrived near Ostwick two hours after Hawke first appeared in Anders’s cell. They took turns with paddling, so neither of them would exhaust themselves, but Anders did the least amount of it for sure – his shoulders got tense very quickly from being restricted in his movements for so long, and both Hawke and Cullen insisted he didn’t exert himself too much, as they didn’t want him to cause himself permanent injury. Anders tried protesting but the two of them joined forces and he didn’t stand a chance.

“I see my sad future” Anders muttered as he leaned against Hawke’s chest. “This will happen with every single argument we have.” He pointed a finger at Cullen, who was now at the paddles. “I expect you to take my side when Hawke has his next crazy idea.”

“If they’re as bad as you told me, I don’t think I will need convincing with that” Cullen laughed and Hawke gave both of them an offended look.

Now they were setting up a makeshift camp in the tree line. Hawke would have preferred to not light a fire but the night was cold and they had nothing to sleep on, so a campfire was needed. Anders and Cullen gathered wood for it, and Hawke took his flint to light it with easy, practiced motions, then the two of them gathered around it, enjoying the warmth and the fact that they could finally rest, while Cullen excused himself and walked out to the shore. Anders glanced after him with a worried look, but he was ultimately too exhausted to follow.

Hawke’s plan was to sleep until the morning, recover their strength, then they would walk the whole day up north along the shore, until they were roughly at the same altitude as Markham, where Varric was waiting for them with Hawke’s ship, hidden in a small bay with no port. They needed all the rest they could get this night to make the march tomorrow.

Barely a few minutes after they settled down around the fire, Anders was already fast asleep. Hawke smiled down at his lover, the same relief from earlier washing over him, glad to have Anders beside him again, safe and unhurt. He looked towards the shore and saw that Cullen was still out there, just standing next to the water like a statue. It had been over half an hour since he retreated out there, Hawke was starting to worry about him, and despite the awkwardness he felt around him, he stood up to go and check on him.

Hawke approached Cullen slowly and making enough noise to give him enough time to think of an excuse if he didn’t want company. But Cullen didn’t move, just stayed there facing the water, eyes focused on the waves in the moonlight and arms crossed in front of his chest. Hawke walked up next to him, facing the water, too, and waited a few moments to see if Cullen wanted to talk first.

“Having second thoughts?” Hawke asked finally, once it was clear Cullen wouldn’t start the conversation.

“Not really, I just- So much changed in these last few days” Cullen sighed as he hung his head and closed his eyes. “I’ve been in the navy for so long, I don’t know life outside of it. Especially the life of a pirate.”

“It’s not that different, really. You’ll still have your tasks but I won’t tell you when to go to bed or get up. Oh, and we don’t start blasting our cannons at every enemy ship in sight” Hawke shrugged with a smile, trying to lighten the mood, and Cullen did look up at him with a weak smile in response, if briefly. Hawke sighed as his expression fell, and stepped closer to Cullen, raising a hand to put on his shoulder. “Look, I’m not saying it will be easy from the beginning, but we’ll do everything we can to help. And you have Anders, too.”

“It really doesn’t bother you?” Cullen looked up at him, disbelief and worry clear in his eyes. “That he and I…”

“It really doesn’t” Hawke assured him with a smile and a nod. “Usually, of course, we would discuss it beforehand, but you didn’t have the most ideal circumstances” Hawke shrugged, and now it was his turn to look away from Cullen. “Also, it’s not like we are strangers.”

There was a silence between them following his words. Hawke was sure they were thinking of the same thing, both of them hesitant.

“We had something, didn’t we?” Cullen broke the silence in the end, although he was still facing away from Hawke. “We were kids, I know, but… We used to be close, I think.”

“We were” Hawke confirmed with a nod, then hesitated before adding. “Maybe we could be again.”

“Do you think-” Cullen turned to Hawke at that in surprise, then bit his lip, thinking for a moment. “Would you want that?”

“Yes, I think I would” Hawke nodded with a soft smile and stepped closer to Cullen. “I would love to get to know ex-Navy commander turned pirate Cullen. He sounds very interesting.”

“God, I hope he is” Cullen laughed nervously as he turned towards Hawke, who was now standing very close to him. “I would hate to disappoint pirate captain Garrett.”

“Based on what I’ve seen so far, I doubt you would” Hawke smiled, then put his hands on Cullen’s chest as he leaned forward for a kiss.

Hawke smiled into the kiss as he felt Cullen melt into the kiss. Hands came up to rest on his waist, and warms lips were moving gently but eagerly against his own. The kiss felt new but familiar at the same time, drawing the memories of stolen moments in dark rooms to Hawke’s mind, and the memory of an old pain echoed in his chest. Hawke pushed these thoughts aside and focused on the present instead, enjoying the warmth the body pressed against his gave off and the tender way Cullen was kissing him.

Finally, Hawke had to pull back when he ran out of air. He looked up at Cullen’s flushed cheeks and smiled, knowing he must look the same. He took a step back but reached out to take Cullen’s hand.

“Let’s go back to the camp. You should sleep, it’ll be a long walk back to the ship tomorrow” Hawke said as he gestured towards the fire.

Cullen nodded with a smile, then let Hawke lead him back to the camp, and they settled for sleep. The next day would bring him to his new life. With Hawke and Anders at his side, it didn’t seem as frightening as he had first thought.