Chapter Text
"From now on you are the new warden of Milgram," the voice says. "Your name will now be Es."
With their mind still being a little fuzzy all Es can do is repeat back what he said.
"...My name is Es?"
Jackalope nods, well as best as a rabbit-like creature can. His beaded eyes held a high level of expectation in them. "I hope that you'll handle this job well, yes?"
"Of course," Es answers without a hint of hesitation.
After that, the sound of heels clicking against the smooth floor echo throughout the hallway as the two of them begin walking again.
While doing so Jackalope explains the system of Milgram to an attentive Es who hurries a few steps ahead of him due to the height difference.
Es makes a small comment on how they might accidentally step on him and it's a little funny seeing the small creature practically implode with annoyance.
Jackalope tells Es that they should be investing their time on how to be an efficient prison guard and not him getting squashed. And as silly as it was, they knew it to be true.
As a prison guard it was their single job too, was it not?
They continue walking for a bit more but when the trotting of paws isn't audible anymore, they turn around to see why.
"Prison Guard, can I ask you something?" Jackalope asks.
They nod.
"What's your name?"
Huh?
When an answer isn't received Jackalope repeats the question in a way that almost feels taunting.
"Surely you couldn't have forgotten something as simple as your name. So come on guard, what's your name?"
…Their name?
At that moment the guard can feel their entire core freeze, cupping their head in between their hands frantically as they curse their hazy mind for being unable to answer such an easy question.
Of course, they had to know!
Because their name is…
Their name is…
…
Es?
With a hitch of their breath, Es wakes up. The world around them blurs and wobbles, beads of sweat running down their face as their heart beats at the speed of a drum.
If one didn't know any better they'd think Es had just woken up from the worst nightmare known to man.
As their senses finally start to rationalise and the world becomes clear again, Es is met with their first question.
"...Where am I?" They're not sure who exactly this is directed to but try to force the assertiveness in their voice nonetheless, even if their throat already aches from that sentence alone.
They turn to the nearest face in the room, a woman dressed in a nurse's uniform, a sad smile resting on her face.
"You're in the hospital dear," she answers in such a sickeningly sweet voice it makes Es feel dumb for asking such a question.
From the cold and bleak atmosphere, the blue gown Es currently wore and the various medical trays stacked in the room, it'd be more shocking to hear that this isn't a hospital.
Still, that didn't answer the question of what someone like Es was doing somewhere like this.
And so like most would do in this sort of situation, they ask. Albeit very weakly but the question is brought up.
The woman sighs, already beginning to write what only looks like swirls to Es on her clipboard. "So you really do have no recollection of the incident at all?" She asks.
Es' mind goes blank.
Incident?
Was there something they were supposed to be remembering?
Either way, in response to her question Es can only wearily shake their head to suffice as a no. They grip their blanket a little bit tighter.
She frowns. "Do you at least remember how old you are? Your name?"
"My name is Es," they say almost instantly, which makes sense. Your name is what grounds your identity, once you forget that there truly is nothing left.
The next question however takes a little more effort on Es' part to answer. Eventually, they muster out, "...I'm fifteen…I think?"
From there a series of questions begin and despite their frail condition Es does their best to answer them. During this time a pair of what seemed to be doctors entered the scene.
They stare and stare, until Es can't differentiate between the uneasy eyes that seep into their being making them feel ill.
These are doctors and, normally, they want to help. But at the same time, with each passing second, it gets harder and harder to shake the feeling that something is wrong.
That there's somewhere else Es is supposed to be and this place is not here.
But if not here, then where?
It doesn't make any sense to them. The only thing that does is the growing urge they have to leave this place. Now.
When the doctors look occupied enough, Es uses the opportunity to slip away, mustering up almost all of their strength just to get out of bed. Once their feet touch the cold floor, they brace themselves to make a run for it.
Sadly, not even a minute passes before two firm hands roughly find their way onto Es' shoulders and hold them in place.
"Stop it! Get off me!"
They shake and yell in an attempt to free themselves but their hands don't budge an inch, and after being bed-bound for who knows how long you only have so much strength left.
"I'm sorry but I can't do that just yet." The second one apologises.
So in the end it's just a game of endurance with the victor being obvious from the start. After Es' legs give in, they fall limp into the coated arms and the world soon goes black
Being in this hospital makes Es feel like a lab rat. With the bombardment of questions and prodding and poking of needles, how could they not?
Yet even after all these pointless tests were conducted Es was left with only three things they could say for certain.
Their name is Es, they are fifteen years old and are amnesiac.
At a later point in their hospital stay it was determined that other than memory issues, nothing else overly impaired their function to live normally so a discharge date was soon set.
In terms of the 'incident' that had led Es to this point, there was no further discussion of it. So much to the point, Es doubted that it'd even existed, to begin with.
Well, it didn't matter, Es didn't have the time to focus on trivial matters that didn't even exist when there were bigger problems at hand. For example, the housing situation for when they'd be discharged.
There was no record of parents to Es' name at all so a foster placement would be made for the time being. The current candidate is Mukuhara Kazui, a man in his late thirties who also has another foster child at the moment, Amane, a little younger than Es so they thought it'd be a good fit.
The three of them all meet properly on the day Es is discharged and have a meal together at the diner beside the hospital.
The experience is…weird to say the least.
When Mr Mukuhara sits them all down and orders their food Es can immediately tell that there's something different about these two. Something that separates them from the empty husks that Es had previously been surrounded by at the hospital. Or even just the waiter serving them now.
They felt real. Like proper living people, Es swears they've met before but can't remember where.
After Mr Mukuhara— or now Kazui as he said to call him, hears the more run-down version of this claim he drops his fry in shock. "That's…That's probably the most interesting thing I've heard all week," he says almost so in awe that Es knows he doesn't believe them.
"Though with how small the world is it really wouldn't be all that surprising if we have met before and didn't realise it," he says. "Especially for an old man like myself."
Amane on the other hand isn't too appealed by this. She looks at Es as she stabs her fork into her salad and then makes the blunt comment, "Mr Kazui, if this child is not of sound mind I don't want them coming back to our home."
Kazui almost chokes on his drink and turns to face Amane with a disappointed look. "Amane, come on we talked about this at home…"
She glances in the other direction.
"...Sorry about her, she's just not in the best of moods today," Kazui apologises.
"I'm not a child." Amane doesn't look at Es when they say it but it's directed at her either way. "But it's fine, I understand."
With everything happening, some kid having a grudge at Es wasn't an issue. Only that it makes for a pretty silent car ride back.
Once they arrive at the house, night peeks around the corner while the moonlight makes itself known through the glass panes.
Kazui's home is alright. It's much better than the hospital, by a long run. But could it ever be considered a place they would call home? Es doubts it.
Not too long after they all enter Kazui suddenly disappears within the many rooms of the house which leaves Es in the kitchen to watch Amane store the groceries with a level of precision most people wouldn't have for stacking canned food.
She hums a little tune to herself, as she moves from one cupboard to the next before making her way over to the fridge. She does just fine stocking up the lower shelves but when it comes to doing the higher ones there's an issue.
Amane contemplates getting a stool to reach it but when she realises Es is in the room she decides against it, standing up on her tip-toes to reach it instead.
Once Amane's done with that she goes on to wipe the counters and finally speaks to them. "By the way, I'd…like to apologise for my earlier behaviour. It was unnecessary and immature, I'm sorry."
"Well thank you for at least apologising," Es says.
Amane waves her hand dismissively. "There's no need to thank me. It's what any good kid ought to do," she says, making it very clear to Es that she has an air of maturity most kids her age wouldn't.
"I suppose I'm still getting used to so many things changing but it was no excuse for my behaviour, only a reason."
Which was fair seeing as a dislike to change could be applied to someone at any age.
She finishes wiping down and rinses the rag thoroughly. "This is your home now too so please do make yourself comfortable," Amane states. "Your bedroom is opposite my one with the green door while Mr Kazui's is at the end of the hallway. Goodnight."
And with that she's gone, the sound of tiny footsteps hopping up the stairs following soon after.
After Amane had gone up to bed Es spends the next while familiarising themself with the things in the house, tinkering with all the funny little devices and decorations littered around the place.
Artwork stuck onto the fridge, random dates scribbled on pages…Es figured these were the kind of things that turned a house into a home.
Then again, since they've never experienced anything of the sort they can only really speak from speculation.
Nonetheless, once Es is done they head upstairs to the room on the left side of the corridor Amane claimed belonged to them.
Es only wishes that they had locked the door when they did because almost immediately entering there's a knock on the already opened door and Kazui happily welcomes himself in.
"Sorry for disappearing like that. I had to answer a phone call," he apologises gesturing to the device in his hand.
Es runs their hand along the wall of the room, completely unbothered by Kazui's disappearance.
And it seems that he isn't either anymore after looking at the same walls Es' fingers dances across. The very, very, very plain walls.
While Es can appreciate even a poor design there really isn't much going for this room other than size.
This marks the second thing Kazui apologises for tonight. For someone alive so long he sure does make a lot of mistakes.
"Yeah, it's pretty dull in here, isn't it?"
"You think?" Es says sarcastically.
Kazui chuckles. "I had just figured it'd be best to wait until you arrived before decorating your room to avoid making the same mistake," he explains, "Before I had accidentally chosen a 'childish theme' for Amane's so I'm pretty sure you can guess how that went, huh?"
Es thinks back to the conversation the two of them had in the kitchen where it was clear to them almost instantly that Amane Momose wasn't your average twelve-year-old, and then nods.
"You just give me the word kiddo and we can go decor shopping whenever you want. Well as long as my schedule allows it."
Appreciating the thought, Es gives a quiet hum of acknowledgement though they quickly stroll away from the topic of room decor when something else catches their eye.
On their bed lay a neatly folded pair of grey trousers along with a white shirt, jumper and tie. Es walks over and picks up the jumper between their index and thumb.
"What's this?" They ask.
Kazui replies, "Ah, that's a uniform."
Obviously. The real question was its purpose in Es' room.
"If you're up to it you'll be heading back to classes tomorrow," he says. "Sort of like back to school…just a little later into the year."
"School…?" The word feels weird leaving Es' lips. Like it's the most absurd thing to ever be heard in relation to them. It's confusing because at their age isn't going to school a perfectly normal thing to do?
Alas, they must've been thinking about it too hard because Kazui grows a little concerned. "...Is there an issue with that?" He asks. "I know it's kind of a craze with you young ones not wanting to go but it's not all that bad."
Es shakes their head. Something that should've brought an end to the conversation but it only raises another question.
"You don't talk much do you?" Kazui says.
"Do I?" Es feigns overly innocent. "Maybe you just do it too much."
What they said hadn't been that funny, at least to Es it wasn't, but Kazui seems to laugh at it either way. A low, scruffy chuckle leaves his mouth.
"That's fair, that's fair." He smiles, already claiming defeat.
And if the predicament that landed them here wasn't as dreadful as it was, Es probably would've smiled too.
Moving from his current position, Kazui begins towards the door, pausing to say one final thing. "I'll see you tomorrow then kiddo, alright?"
Es gives him a small wave and the door closes.
They're alone.
Firstly, Es rummages around in the wardrobe to find a suitable pair of pyjamas to wear to bed. Nothing over textured and not too comfortable either. As little scepticism that Es currently had about the Mukuhara household or Kazui at least, they still needed to stay alert.
Finally, they find a plain pair of pyjamas trousers and a shirt. It's perfect.
Now having found the perfect pair of sleepwear Es plants themself on top of the bed. The duvet envelopes them whole, basically begging them to slip into slumber but they can't—no they won't sleep. Not with all these dreams, they keep getting.
There isn't exactly a clear way to describe them, only that they're always so vague and distant. The only recurring thing in them is Es being reminded of the non-existent purpose they've failed to fulfil. Over and over again.
They try not to think about them too much because disoriented thoughts and such are expected with the type of amnesia Es is facing.
They were already in such a troubled case having no memory of their life at all before a few days ago, so there isn't a point in overthinking something that was nothing more than a nonsensical dream.
Es knows this, yet sometimes they can feel their heart tremor at the topic. Like it aches both for the past it can't remember and for a future that makes no sense.
Only a little bit though.
While laying in bed Es tosses over to the left, then right, as they continue to ponder over these thoughts until their mind starts to grow weak. Tired eyes flutter shut and Es lets their face sink into the pillow.
They aren't quite sure when the fabric beneath their eyes had begun to grow so damp but sleep comes to them either way.
The next morning runs into Es like a goddamn truck. Getting rid of puffy eyes before your new foster sister runs into you is much harder than one would've thought.
So all in all, within only the early hours of the day everything was already going to shit.
About thirty minutes before classes start, Kazui had dropped off Es by the school gates giving them the most stereotypical speech on starting a new school. According to Amane, he had found it off google.
Anyway, Es bids the two farewell and walks into the hellhole they'll now be receiving an education for the foreseeable future.
At the front desk the secretary hands Es their student handbook and timetable and when they had reached out to receive it, only then did they realise how their jumper rubbed against the school's shirt. Whether it was the shirt or the jumper one of them was too small on them.
It's not like Es can do much about it now though so they simply bite their tongue and accept their fate as they move on to the next issue: finding their classroom.
Something that they'd soon learn to find was very difficult.
With all the twists and turns around this place, Es wondered how anyone managed to navigate in this place.
It seems they may have been a smidge too outwardly visible with their frustration because among the crowd of students rushing around someone seems to notice.
The girl in question carries waist-length hair on her head and with her cheerful tone, let's her friends know that she'll catch up soon and go on ahead.
Violet eyes meet blue and within seconds she asks, "Hey, are you okay?"
Being the liar they are, Es answers with, "Yes, I'm fine."
From the look on her face, she doesn't seem to buy it at all but thankfully doesn't probe any further. "Oh well alright. I was just asking since you seemed new."
Es raises a brow. "What makes you say that?"
The violet eyes return to gaze upon Es again, only in more of a judging manner as they quickly flicker between the student handbook held in their hand and the shoes worn on their feet. Then she shrugs. "Dunno, just a hunch."
Es somehow finds that worse than her straight-up insulting them.
She continues. "Buuut as your senior if you need anything feel free to ask. You'll have to pay me though!"
Es doesn't know what to say and the girl simply laughs at their speechlessness.
"Just kidding. If you're ever looking for me just ask for Kashiki Yuno, kay?"
She spins gracefully with the back heel of her shoe, walking back over to her friends.
With everything happening so quickly Es doesn't even get the chance to recognise they've heard that name before.
After a torturous amount of time spent searching, Es finally makes it to their base classroom before the bell rings.
The homeroom teacher had known about their arrival beforehand and asks Es to introduce themself to the class.
Considering how little they know about themselves, they don't say much.
When Es walks down to the window seat assigned to them among the dozens of eyes staring at them, two pairs particularly stand out. Green and Blue.
This time Es chooses to ignore the weird deja vu feeling they get and just sits down.
The rest of the lesson drags on at an extremely boring rate. Something that's to be expected from any high school student but it's even worse for Es considering they haven't a clue what's going on at all.
The easiest way to phrase it would be that their mind almost felt clogged. All previous information was still there so it wasn't like Es was necessarily lacking something.
Just that instead of having a steady flow of mind like everyone else they were left with something more akin to a leaky faucet.
Everyone knows what their place in this world is. What they should be doing with their lives and what it means. Everyone except Es.
They're just about ready to let their head plank down onto the wooden desk but before they do something outside the window catches their eye.
It looked like a rabbit—wait no, Es squints their eyes for a moment, then the realisation hits.
"..Jackalope?" They breathe out.
After that, everything else comes rushing in like a flood.