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“You’re sure it isn’t too much?”
“Nothing is too much on you, gege,” Hua Cheng says, gently fastening a dangling golden earring to Xie Lian’s lobe before stepping back to admire his work with a grin. “Dianxia is so handsome, I fear some of your fellow officials may be unable to focus on today’s meeting.”
“San Lang.” Xie Lian gives a playful roll of his eyes and resists the embarrassing urge to maybe… twirl a little.
He’s in brand new robes for the first time in ages, despite Hua Cheng’s many labored attempts to refresh his wardrobe for him. He’s in all white, but in an outfit now that cinches at his waist, the long skirt of the robe sporting a transparent layer through which one can see the long slits in the fabric up to Xie Lian’s thighs. The sleeves are short and he’s decorated with gold earrings and bracelets, though he still has his hair tied back simply. It feels like a little much, but Xie Lian would be lying if he said he didn’t feel attractive. The way his husband is looking at him makes him feel like he’s about to be devoured in the best way possible.
“Promise to dress up for me on my return?” Hua Cheng says, sidling up behind him and nuzzling his nose against Xie Lian’s exposed neck. “I’m sorry I have to be gone so long for such useless business.”
“It’s only a few days,” Xie Lian chuckles. “I promise to give San Lang the warmest welcome when you return from Black Water’s island.” He cranes his neck and gives Hua Cheng a kiss on the cheek, nuzzling his nose against the spot. “Be a good friend to He Xuan. I’ll be right here when you get back.”
Hua Cheng pouts, but never one to disobey his God or his husband, nods his head and steps back with a final squeeze of Xie Lian’s waist. “I’ll see you again in a few days, gege… Please contact me if you need anything, alright? Don’t forget to use the array.”
“I’ll keep in touch, San Lang. See you soon.” Xie Lian reaches up and holds his face in his hands, rising up on his toes to give Hua Cheng a gentle kiss goodbye. “I love you,” he smiles when he pulls back, never tiring of the way those words make Hua Cheng’s eye light up.
“I love you too, gege,” Hua Cheng says, his cheeks sporting the faintest hint of pink as Xie Lian steps away — he’s needed in heaven as of five minutes ago for a meeting, but they’ve never been very efficient at saying goodbye.
Hua Cheng dissolves into a cloud of shimmering butterflies with one last loving look at Xie Lian and Xie Lian only ascends back to the heavenly realm once his husband has completely departed from Paradise Manor.
He makes his way to the newly rebuilt conference hall and takes a seat, sitting properly and nodding his head as Ling Wen conducts attendance and some logistical housekeeping, but he’s not paying very much attention. It’s just that Hua Cheng had insisted on saying goodbye properly before dressing Xie Lian up this morning… underneath his clothes, there are love marks and light bruises on his thighs and hips, a satisfying soreness between his legs. It had just been so wonderful, Xie Lian can’t stop thinking about it.
Sex still feels so new. They made love the first night of Hua Cheng’s return and several more times before consummating their marriage, but Xie Lian took a while to fully shake off the invisible shackles of guilt and shame when it came to sex. Hua Cheng had been patient and kind with him, helping educate him on different sex acts and how to make himself feel good.
A decade ago, Xie Lian could never envision himself masturbating. The thought alone might make him faint if he tried too hard to visualize it, but now? God, he’s all worked up from the memories of this morning, all the physical reminders across his body putting him right back in the mood for more. He tries not to pout at the realization that he won’t be able to have real sex with Hua Cheng again for a few days, but… he can take the edge off himself after this meeting. He can even summon one of Hua Cheng’s special butterflies that recorded their, ah… intimate sessions.
Xie Lian crosses his legs, trying to listen to the agenda for the meeting, but his mind keeps drifting. Honestly, the outfit he’s wearing is a little distracting. He feels… pretty. He wants Hua Cheng to lift him up in a flourish and ravage his neck with kisses, drag his strong hands up his thighs through the slits in the robe. God, without trousers in an outfit like this, it’d be so easy for Hua Cheng to sink to his knees, lift his skirt…
Xie Lian shakes his head and clears his throat, drawing a concerned glance from Ling Wen that he waves off with a polite smile that says ‘everything’s fine.’ God, it’s so unusual for him to be so hot and bothered. He used to be unable to let himself think about sex or desire for even a moment, now he’s struggling not to think about it. He’s just a little bored and he knows he won’t be seeing his husband for a bit, so the thought of reunion sex is already on his mind.
He nods his head along to show he’s listening and tunes in to offer some thoughts and advice now and then, but the meeting is mostly dedicated to a few territory disputes, doling out assignments for especially stubborn ghosts that need dealing with (Xie Lian gladly signs up to handle some), and a new young cultivator a few gods have been eyeing for ascension. Xie Lian doesn’t listen too closely about him, but he makes a mental note to give him a warm welcome when he arrives in heaven.
After an hour, he’s bouncing his leg up and down a little, drumming his fingers on the table. He fiddles idly with the ring around his neck and tries to think PG rated thoughts or at least focus a little bit on the meeting. God, being, well… horny is still a new feeling for Xie Lian — a mood, a whole state of being he isn’t used to mitigating or managing. Usually, it’s no issue because Hua Cheng takes good care of him any time he senses Xie Lian’s arousal, but when not taken care of, Xie Lian hasn’t really mastered ignoring it.
His palace is nearby… and private.
Xie Lian squirms a little, anxious as the meeting goes through it’s long logistical conclusion, agenda setting for the next meeting, confirming all appointments and assignments they’d agreed upon. He’ll be very productive and helpful in just an hour or so, he decides. He just needs to slip away to his palace, take care of himself, and then voila! Xie Lian will be perfectly patient and focused as always.
When everyone is dismissed, he’s up like a shot, blushing and saying a few polite goodbyes when his haste draws stares. Pei Ming raises an eyebrow, but Xie Lian ignores it and quickly shuffles away, face pink and his skin hot beneath his robes — even if he is dressed much lighter than usual.
He walks quickly away from the newly constructed conference arena and towards his seldom-used palace, always waiting for him with the grandiose golden halls he much prefers his cozy cabin or Paradise Manor to. But right now what he needs is convenience.
Xie Lian enters the large double doors and bolts them shut behind himself, walking hastily through the main hall and heading straight for the bed chamber.
Inside, there’s an ornate four post bed with silky golden sheets and fluffy pillows. It doesn’t have the kind of homey comfort the cabin on TaiCang Mountain or his shared bedroom with Hua Cheng at Paradise Manor have, but it’s more than enough for his current intents and purposes.
Xie Lian kicks off his boots and falls right into the bed, sighing in relief as he yanks up the skirts of the new robes and wiggles out of his underwear. He lets out a soft moan when he palms over his dick with his bare hand. Now that he isn’t actively fighting his pleasure, he feels himself harden and respond to the familiar sensation of his own slender fingers on his length. His own hand doesn’t compare to Hua Cheng’s, but Xie Lian has certainly gotten acquainted with it over the past year or so.
Undoing centuries of sexual repression had been an uphill battle. Hua Cheng had to relentlessly assure him that he wasn’t dirty, that arousal was okay. He waited patiently as Xie Lian baby stepped his way through sexual self discovery. They actually had sex before Xie Lian was comfortable masturbating by himself. Making love came more easily to him — how could exchanging pleasure with the person he loved most in the world be wrong? But touching himself felt wrong for the longest time and took a lot of coaxing to get comfortable with.
Xie Lian remembers fondly the way Hua Cheng had whispered lowly in his ear, telling him how much he loved to watch, how good Xie Lian looked as he stroked his cock for him. He remembers the erotica his husband would read to him from dozens upon dozens of fancy scrolls, finding what made Xie Lian blush, what made him hard, what made him the kind of horny he couldn’t settle down from until he got off.
Xie Lian lets out a pleased hum, his feet sliding leisurely against the silk as he lets his eyes slip shut and uses a small bit of spiritual power to conjure one of Hua Cheng’s special butterflies. They have a small catalog by now, little homemade memories they can watch through the eyes of the butterflies. Xie Lian summons one of his favorites this time — a recording of a special weekend adventure they had a few months ago.
Hua Cheng had been working on replanting the cherry trees on Mount TaiCang, using spiritual power to aid their growth until a whole grove was blossoming the way it would have eight hundred years ago. He’d taken Xie Lian into the grove and laid out a blanket. They had slow passionate sex in the shade of the cherry trees, not a soul within earshot, making them free to make all the noise they wanted to, to profess their love and cry out for more.
Xie Lian loves watching this one.
He closes his eyes as the butterfly lands on his forehead and the recording begins to play vividly in his mind’s eye. Xie Lian sighs as he watches Hua Cheng undress him in their own private forest, blushing as he sees himself stripped and laid down. He looks good in the trickles of sunlight that spill through the foliage. Hua Cheng looks nothing short of immaculate as he lays over him and lavishes his neck in hot open-mouthed kisses.
Xie Lian strokes himself with one hand and, with the other, he ghosts the tips of his fingers over his own neck, shivering as he imagines Hua Cheng kissing him there instead.
In the recording, Hua Cheng is going down on him. Xie Lian has two hands tangling thick black hair between his fingers as Hua Cheng dutifully bobs his head and swallows around him. God, Xie Lian wishes he had that heat right now. His husband’s mouth does things to him that make him blush for days afterwards and he can practically feel that expert tongue on his most sensitive place as he watches the memory. He looks at his husband in the recording, his broad shoulders, his long hair, the cute little sharp teeth he spies when Hua Cheng lifts his head and grins at him, admiring the state he put Xie Lian in. Xie Lian even looks at himself. His hair shines in the sun and his skin is radiant. He looks good when he’s blushing all over like this…
Hua Cheng kisses up Xie Lian’s body, sucking on each nipple for a moment before making his way up his neck and to his lips.
On the bed, Xie Lian sighs, squeezing himself and stroking a little faster. Suddenly, the memory isn’t enough. He wants his husband, wants his San Lang, but knows he can’t interrupt him any time he gets aroused. There is, however, a bit of a happy medium.
Reciting Hua Cheng’s array password with an almost naughty smile on his lips, Xie Lian is able to whisper in his husband’s ear.
“San Lang? Are you busy right now?”
“Not at all. Is everything alright, gege?”
“Ah, everything’s wonderful, I just… I miss you.” Xie Lian shivers as he rubs his thumb in little circles around his tip, something he discovered he liked when Hua Cheng drove him wild with teasing in one of their first more intimate nights.
“Gege sounds so relaxed… Is Dianxia getting up to something? This lowly husband must not have satisfied you thoroughly.” Hua Cheng’s tone is light and teasing. Even though he may get insecure and Xie Lian has to frequently reassure him how deserving he is, neither of them are under any delusions of how satisfied Xie Lian is in bed. Hua Cheng makes him come so intensely, he’s torn their bedsheets a few times in sheer ecstasy alone.
“San Lang always satisfies me.” Xie Lian grins as he strokes himself steadily, his face flushed warm against the silk of the pillowcase as his husband’s voice reverberates in his mind.
“I guess gege is just insatiable then. My poor husband having to take care of himself right now. I’ll have to do something special to make up for it.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm, I could lay Dianxia out on his altar, couldn’t I? I could lick you open and suck your pretty cock.”
“San Lang!” Xie Lian gasps out loud, blushing furiously at the filthy words, but his cock is throbbing in response. He’s whining as he touches himself and he’s not even sure if he’s making these noises in the array or in the privacy of his room. He realizes with a smile that he doesn’t care.
“Gege always looks so pretty spread out for me. Are you spread out right now, baobei? Are you naked or still in that sexy little outfit I picked for you?”
“A-Ah, San Lang, I’m… I-I’m in bed with the skirt all pulled up, I couldn’t even wait long enough to get undressed.”
“Oh, gege… Dianxia must look so beautiful right now, touching your pretty little cock for me. You’re such a good boy for calling on me, letting this lowly husband participate in Gege’s special alone time.”
“I was watching one of the butterfly memories,” Xie Lian confesses, grinding his hips up against his fist. “When you were… A-Ah, you were making love to me on Mount TaiCang.” Xie Lian feels his face turn hot. He often can’t bring himself to say such filthy words still — words like fucking.
“In our cabin?”
“In the cherry trees.”
“Oh, gege especially loved that, didn’t he?” Hua Cheng’s voice is low and sultry and Xie Lian knows if they were speaking face to face that his husband’s voice would be breathy too, that his pale face would be tinged pink, his one pupil blown up dark and wide with desire. “What did gege like about it?”
“Ah, San Lang! You know I liked all of it…”
“Oh, but something about it made it an extra special time for my beloved. Please enlighten this ignorant one, gege.”
“San Lang…”
“Did gege like being outside? Being naked where he isn’t supposed to be, where someone could see him?”
Xie Lian whimpers into the empty bedroom and nods his head even though Hua Cheng can’t see. It’s hard to admit to himself, but he loves that little risk. He’d felt so guilty exploring it at first — what if they really did get seen somewhere? Some innocent junior official or even a mortal would be traumatized for life! But he’s terrible at hiding anything from Hua Cheng at all — especially what arouses him. When they fucked on the altar of his temple or when Hua Cheng sank to his knees and sucked him there where anyone could technically walk in? It had made Xie Lian’s knees weak. When Hua Cheng held him in his lap and grinded against him behind the curtain at the Gambler’s Den, Xie Lian had panted hot and heavy in his husband’s ear until he came fully clothed. Hua Cheng seems to always take care that they don’t actually get caught by anyone, but Xie Lian is incredibly aroused by the risk whether he wants to admit it or not.
“Gege?”
Xie Lian shakes his head clear of shame and starts to touch himself faster instead, biting his lip as he responds to Hua Cheng in the array. “I liked that.”
“Good boy telling this San Lang what feels good. You’re so good for this humble husband, gege. So good.”
Xie Lian positively preens with the praise and sighs aloud as he touches himself, mimicking the way Hua Cheng would use his hands if he were here. Without any other reference point really, Xie Lian has learned everything about sex and his sexual self from explorations made with his husband. He uses his free hand and reaches it between his thighs to cup his balls, blushing as he gives them a gentle squeeze, caressing them a little with his thumb just like Hua Cheng would do.
“Gege has gotten a little quiet,” Hua Cheng whispers in the array and Xie Lian can just see the mischievous little smirk on his face. “What is my beloved doing to himself?”
“Ah, San Lang, I’m…” Xie Lian blushes a bright red trying to muster the courage to say such dirty words. Everything feels too vulgar. “I’m touching myself like you touch me.”
“Oh? And how do I touch you, gege?”
Xie Lian moans softly, turning his head, so his hot cheek is soothed by the silk of the pillowcase. Both of his hands work over himself, his grip slick with his own pre-come. He’d felt so dirty when he discovered how wet he could get, afraid it was abnormal, or that Hua Cheng wouldn’t want to touch him, but to the contrary, Hua Cheng’s mouth seems to water whenever his hand has made Xie Lian’s cock hard and slick. “With both your hands. You play with my, ah… The part below?”
“Don’t be embarrassed, Dianxia,” Hua Cheng says and ur feels like he’s purring right in Xie Lian’s ear. “The part below? Does gege mean his pretty little hole or those adorable tight ba-“
“Yes, yes, those! You don’t need to say it all like that, aiyah…” Xie Lian is flustered as he rolls his hips against his hands and shivers, a sweet ball of tension making his toes curl as it builds deep in his abdomen. “But I like when San Lang plays with… them.”
“Mm, gege is so sensitive. You’ll have to let this one pay you proper attention to that area when you come home.
“San Lang, I think I’m going to, ah, finish soon.”
“Is gege close to coming?”
“Yes.” Xie Lian actually whimpers as he strokes himself with a sweet rhythm that makes his whole body sing with a warm pleasure.
“Good boy, gege. Keep going for me.”
“I’m really close.”
“Come for me, baby. Make yourself feel good.”
It’s like a long massage when a sore spot is finally soothed. It feels like nailing a complicated martial move perfectly for the first time. It feels like when Hua Cheng holds him close and makes him feel so beautiful and loved and wonderful. His spiritual energy even reacts, all the power inside him that’s come from Hua Cheng seeming to roll through him in waves when he comes with a soft moan he muffles into the pillow.
“That’s it, baby. Good boy.” San Lang coos in his mind, coaxing Xie Lian through the waves of pleasure even though all he can hear is a few desperate repetitions of his name in the array as Xie Lian rides out the orgasm.
As he starts to come down, he feels warm and lax all over, reaching for the bedside drawer where he keeps a few handkerchiefs to clean up with before curling up on the large bed with a contented sigh. “Did San Lang come too?” He asks shyly in the communication array, secretly wondering if he’d actually managed to coax his husband into jerking off in some tucked away corner of He Xuan’s manor. The thought is dirty, but it makes his heart give an excited thump.
“Gege was just too seductive for this poor San Lang to withstand… I hope Dianxia doesn’t think less of me for sneaking away from my responsibility for a moment.”
“Ah, I’m sorry San Lang, I should have been more considerate…”
“Gege never has to apologize for being aroused. This one is always grateful to be included.”
Xie Lian smiles to himself, thinking that it wasn’t too long ago at all that he would be absolutely mortified to discuss masturbation with Hua Cheng (or anyone).
“Gege?”
“Yes?”
“I’m proud of you,” Hua Cheng says and Xie Lian knows he’s smiling too. “Really proud. My gege has come so far in learning to love himself this way. How do you feel?”
“Ah, I felt a little dirty for a second, but I cleaned up fast and didn’t feel that way so much anymore… I feel nice. It’s warm in here and I’m a little sleepy.”
“Good boy,” Hua Cheng hums. “You did so good, baobei. Go take a nap, it puts this one at ease to know you’re resting.”
Xie Lian nearly giggles at the cheesy pet name, but it makes his heart swell with affection nevertheless. “I love you,” he says, the words making him blush even though he’s said them to his husband dozens of times now.
There’s a brief pause and Xie Lian knows Hua Cheng is flustered, which only makes him miss him. He wants to see that cute little blush on his husband’s pale face and smack a kiss against his cheek to make him smile.
“I love you too, gege. Have a good nap.”
Xie Lian feels a little unproductive and a tad bit guilty, but the bed really does feel too nice. He understands why so many people have trouble resisting masturbation now — it really does make him all relaxed and sleepy, his limbs all sated and heavy. He pulls a blanket over his shoulders and resigns to the heaviness in his eyelids, succumbing to comfort as he so rarely does when Hua Cheng doesn’t make him.
Just one nap won’t hurt.
*****
Xie Lian wakes an hour later to the rumbling of palace walls. At first he thinks it may be one of his nightmares, but after blinking his eyes open, he realizes the ground seems to be really vibrating. Huh. The only real threat to the newly built heavenly realm is his husband and Hua Cheng certainly isn’t kicking the door down today. That could only mean…
“Aiyah, is this new god really so powerful? I thought we were done with destruction of property!”
Xie Lian crawls out of bed and goes to the window to see a beam of bright light is burning at the middle of the heavenly courtyard, the new ascension of a god no doubt. Huh. He should have really paid more attention in the meeting earlier when they discussed the promising young man. Shoot, he should at least go say hello. It’s rude not to be welcoming when someone ascends and he knows what it’s like to find everyone upset with you when your ascension causes a stir.
Rising from bed, he makes a quick stop at the vanity and brushes his hair, letting it flow long and free down his shoulders before smoothing out his clothes, sliding his feet back into sandals and heading out to greet the new heavenly official. If he recalls correctly from the meeting, this person should be a talented new martial god — maybe someone new he could spar against or exchange sword techniques with.
Approaching the center of the heavenly courtyard, the beam of light is just starting to fade, all the nearby officials gathered around the square of open space to greet the new god. Xie Lian steps near the front of the crowd and puts on a welcoming smile. He’s sure whoever it is will be a big help regardless of what sort of god they’ll be — they’ve been pretty short staffed even since rebuilding.
When the light dispels, there’s cracks all over the stone foundation of the courtyard, but no further damage — just a simply dressed young man in plain white robes and no adornments, hair tied simply in a low ponytail over one shoulder. He looks no older than twenty, his expression calm and serene, dark brown eyes sweeping over the crowd in front of him, right past Ling Wen who had been waiting to officially greet him, and landing on Xie Lian.
Xie Lian blinks, caught slightly off guard at being singled out, but he clasps his hands in front of himself and bows. “Welcome.” He grins when he lifts his head, stepping forward into the square.
The young man’s eyes widen a little, a flush appearing high on his cheek as he bows back, then walks up to him. “Taizi Dianxia, I… I am honored,” he gulps and looks Xie Lian up and down, blinking as if he can’t quite understand what he’s seeing. “This one is truly humbled. So few walk the pure path in this day and age, but Dianxia truly is a legend of asceticism. Your restraint and abstinence inspired my own cultivation, I can’t possibly thank you enough.”
“...My abstinence?” Xie Lian blinks, feeling his face heat as the officials around him giggle and murmur. He thought his reputation as a pure mind and body cultivator had long since faded away… Him and Hua Cheng are frequently worshiped together as lovers, do cultivators still think he’s abstinent?
“Yes! When I was younger, I read a scroll about a god over eight hundred years old who ascended for a third time, still not having known the carnal pleasures and I knew if a god as great as you could live so long maintaining purity that I could truly cultivate that path to godhood as well.” The young man beams at Xie Lian, seemingly unaware of the gossip and whispers surrounding them. Still admiring the god before him like a well known celebrity, he looks Xie Lian up and down and lets out a huff of nervous laughter. “I must admit, you are dressed a little more… provocative than I expected. Truly, you must be a master of self control to remain so pure even without dressing conservatively.”
Xei Lian’s face goes from pink to red, a few members of the audience laughing outright. The new god frowns and looks over his shoulder, the laughing officials quickly turning away or hiding cracked expressions behind their fans. Is he really dressed so provocatively? Sure, it’s a little more revealing than usual, but he didn’t think it was so… flashy. Looking down at himself, he realizes there really isn’t too much that the outfit leaves to the imagination, but Hua Cheng had so lovingly dressed him this way this morning… Xie Lian frowns. He trusted his husband not to dress him in something that would cause him embarrassment and he felt so confident leaving Paradise Manor… Now, he’s starting to feel a little naked. He wishes his arms were covered.
“Ah, I believe you may be… mistaken,” Xie Lian tries to laugh off the misunderstanding. “I’m no longer ascetic, I haven’t been since my marriage. I cultivate from my own martial power, meditation, prayers from believers, and ah…” How does he say this? Does he have to say it? His primary method of obtaining spiritual power now is the exact opposite of the pure body path. Xie Lian almost exclusively derives power these days from dual cultivation. Making love is actually what is strengthening his core and Hua Cheng’s, ah… essence, is what fills it with power. “A-Another method as well, a… private one.” He clears his throat and tries not to disintegrate under the gaze of his fellow heavenly officials, their grins and snickers all evident in their eyes even if they hide expressions behind fans and sleeves. “But it’s a remarkable feat to cultivate the pure body path to ascension at your young age, really, you should be very proud.” He tries to play off the awkwardness with praise, but the young god is looking at him with thinly veiled disgust. Xie Lian’s stomach churned.
“This is absurd, you… the scroll which inspired me praised you endlessly for your complete and total purity, someone completely untouched by filth! I worshipped you every night praying for the strength of will to be only a fraction as pure!” The young god steps back with a huff, his eyes furious as he crosses his arms over his chest and looks at Xie Lian with disdain.
Xie Lian hears Hua Cheng’s voice in his head — all the times he told him that sex isn’t dirty, that pleasure isn’t wrong, that there isn’t anything sinful about Xie Lian’s body. But eight hundred years of repression doesn’t go away with just a few years of happy marriage and sex. He feels a chill run down his spine at that look in this young God’s eyes, the disgust, that revulsion. It was the look he feared the most, terrified of disappointing those who were counting on his cultivation and, consequently, his purity. He feels so exposed and naked, he wants desperately to be covered again, to be wearing his usual white robes that don’t expose an inch of skin below his neck.
Part of him knows he should be stern. Who does this person think they are? Xie Lian is this new official’s senior by over eight hundred years. He believes in all he’s been taught by his husband and the subsequent research and reading he did on human sexuality and love. He doesn’t truly think sex is dirty or shameful anymore, but… right now, he feels utterly humiliated. Is this what people really think of him? He knows for a fact the vast majority of his believers in the mortal realm truly don’t think he’s any kind of figure of abstinence, but of course his old cultivation method is widely known throughout heaven. Have people been judging him this harshly all along? Is he seen as someone who failed their cultivation and resorted to mooching off his husband’s power? Walking around dressed like this, he must seem ridiculous. He realizes now how easily it must be to see right through him. He’s not empowered like he thought he was… He just feels dirty.
The new official turns away from him with a scoff and goes to Ling Wen to get the logistical matters of his ascension under way, leaving Xie Lian blinking in shock as the crowd disperses.
“Don’t let that get to you, buddy.” A deep voice resounds at the same time a hand comes to clap Xie Lian on the back, Pei Ming looking off at that newly ascended youngster with a sigh. “It’s what a lack of action does to a man… Makes him mean.”
“I’m fine, General Pei,” Xie Lian says with a weak smile, grateful for the show of kindness when ridicule directed towards him used to be met with total silence here in the heavens. Still, he’s eager to get out of sight and change his clothes, his discomfort lingering even without the eyes of the crowd on him. “I’m surprised to see someone of this day and age chose that path to cultivate.”
“En, even General Xuen Zhen is getting some these days.”
Xie Lian blushes a bit, but cracks half a smile. Mu Qing and Feng Xin are actually away on a mission together, but all of heaven knows it’s only an excuse to spend time with one another. He’s glad his friends have fallen in love too, though they still hold their heads high and bicker in public. “I feel bad for disappointing him. He was an adamant believer.”
“Sure, but what, are you gonna stay a virgin for a millennium to please someone who doesn’t even know you? You’re married even. You’re having the most morally upright sex there is to have.”
“Even between two men?”
“Of course!” Pei Ming frowns. “Every man should be free to chase his pleasure, whether his preferences be like mine or like yours.”
Xie Lian laughs a little. “Ah, I’m glad you feel that way. Don’t mind me, I’m just here to do my, ah, duties for a few days… I’m fine.”
Pei Ming raises an eyebrow and Xie Lian chooses to turn away before he can be caught blushing. He doesn’t know when his face got so thin. It used to be nearly impossible for him to feel embarrassed, he spent so much time as a scrap collector and a busker, but suddenly, he feels almost fragile. He stammers an awkward goodbye to Pei Ming and quickly sets off back towards his palace.
It’s probably the most time he’s spent in the building since it was built. He never feels comfortable in opulence anymore if it’s not Paradise Manor and he has no junior officials, but in this moment, he’s grateful to be alone.
As soon as the door is bolted, his eyes well up, tears not falling, but blurring the edges of his vision as he walks through the grand foyer and towards the baths.
He can’t let this feeling take hold of him — this old shame, the guilt settling into his gut. He has to fight this off the way he used to fight off desire.
Desperate to prove himself unaffected, he rushes into the bath chamber and quickly fills the tub, heating it to the perfect temperature with spiritual power and stripping hurriedly out of the clothing Hua Cheng had so lovingly picked out for him this morning.
Once naked, hair already tied up, Xie Lian steps into the water and lies down, shutting his eyes and taking deep breaths as he tries to conjure images that usually do the trick. He thinks about Hua Cheng when he’s topless and doing hard work around their cabin on Mount TaiCang. He thinks about getting fucked over the altar in his own temple, Hua Cheng whispering soft words of praise in his ear as he fills Xie Lian so deep, he manages to perfectly scratch an eight hundred year old itch. Xie Lian pictures the memories hard and forces himself to run his hand over his cock under the water, hoping for what’s become a natural reaction.
Nothing happens.
He tries to focus harder, wraps his fingers around his length and strokes the way he knows he likes because he just did this to himself a half hour ago, but there isn’t any pleasure. No arousal pools between his legs, no tingles curl his toes. Xie Lian is soft and his face is burning from an overwhelming sense of humiliation, not from the heat of being turned on.
The scenarios in his head that usually make him flush with want keep disintegrating into images of that new heavenly official, the look of disgust on his face, the whispers of judgement.
Xie Lian doesn’t want to be naked anymore.
With his mouth wobbling and eyes filling with anxious tears, he steps out of the tub and yanks on a long sleeved and floor length robe before he’s fully dry, only feeling a miniscule sense of relief once he’s covered himself.
God, he worked so, so hard to get past all this, to enjoy sex and let himself be loved, but right now, the thought of his own body makes him feel sick.
He leaves the bath chamber and heads for the armory, hoping to clear his mind with a little practice and meditation.
Whatever it is that’s come over him, he can’t let himself be completely derailed by the comments of one god eight centuries his junior, but… that look on his face.
Xie Lian shakes the image out of his head and reaches for where Fang Xin is hanging on the wall, taking a deep breath.
Whatever it is that’s making him feel this way again, he’s sure it will go away when he sees his husband again.
*****
Xie Lian tries everything over the next few days. He tries watching his favorite memories with the butterflies, but can hardly make it through the foreplay before he’s too embarrassed to keep watching. He tries touching himself with his eyes closed and all the lights off. He tries watching himself in the mirror. He tries wedging a pillow between his thighs and rubbing desperately against it, but everything ends with the same result. He can’t get more than half hard and he can’t maintain it for more than a minute at best, leaving him feeling even more humiliated and ashamed at each failed attempt at rousing himself. What kind of a man is he that one incident has set him back so far?
Worse than the shame eating him alive is the secrecy of it all. He can’t bring himself to tell Hua Cheng…
They worked so hard at this. Hua Cheng was so patient with him, even after waiting so long already. He had baby stepped Xie Lian through the world of sex without ever once rushing or pressuring him and in the end, Xie Lian was at least able to reward him with the amazing sexual intimacy they share now as husbands. Their lovemaking is easy, natural, something that has started to come to Xie Lian like pure instinct. Now, it’s like he’s back at square one.
After all that trouble… How is Xie Lian supposed to tell him he’s broken again?
By the time he’s due to return home, he still hasn’t gotten past this mental block and his chest is tight knowing Hua Cheng will be expecting them to reunite as soon as he’s back. It’s not that his husband ever pressures him into sex. In fact, Xie Lian can’t even remember a time when Hua Cheng initiated and Xie Lian didn’t want it. It’s not even that he doesn’t want it now, it’s just that he can’t perform. That and he also wants to crawl out of his own skin ever since that crowd of heavenly officials looked at him that way…
Still, he refuses to delay returning. He misses his husband and it isn’t fair to push him away… Xie Lian will just have to dodge sex for a night or two, that’s all. Surely, being back in Hua Cheng’s presence will fix him. He loves him with all his heart, maybe his arousal will just return naturally when they’re together again.
Dressed back in his more comfortable and conservative white clothes, Xie Lian steps through the distance-shortening array from his heavenly palace, right into the foyer of Paradise Manor.
“Welcome home, gege.”
Xie Lian feels his heart lift the moment he sees Hua Cheng — spread out on the divan with his hair freshly braided, dressed to nines in sleek black and striking crimson. His silver jewelry jangles as he sits up to greet Xie Lian, but he’s already bounding over to tackle him back down.
“San Lang!” Xie Lian grins, peppering his face in little kisses and trying not to over analyze himself for signs of arousal. Of course he’s excited to see Hua Cheng, but is he turned on? Does he want to have their usual reunion sex or will he break down? He shoves the thoughts to the back of his mind and focuses instead on just hugging his husband tight. “I missed you,” he says honestly as he tucks his head into the crook of Hua Cheng’s neck.
“I missed you too,” Hua Cheng murmurs, his low voice a pleasant rumble in his chest as he wraps his arms around Xie Lian and kisses the top of his head. “Gege must have been hard at work. I hardly heard from you the past few days.”
“Ah, I’m sorry about that.” Xie Lian blushes. “Things were a little hectic, but I really couldn’t wait to come home.”
“Mm, this house truly isn’t a home without my beloved in it,” Hua Cheng hums with a soft smile reserved only for Xie Lian before he tilts his head and presses a few kisses up Xie Lian’s neck.
Xie Lian sighs, enjoying the warm press of his husband’s lips, but before he can feel so much of a twinge between his legs, he feels dirty. His hands come up to Hua Cheng’s shoulders before he can stop them.
Hua Cheng raises his head and pouts at Xie Lian, a bit of a hilarious look on a notorious ghost king as he squeezes Xie Lian’s waist in a silent plea for affection. “Would gege prefer we go somewhere more private?”
“Ah…” Xie Lian feels his cheeks burning red. “Maybe… Maybe a little later, San Lang. It’s still early in the day, it wouldn’t be… appropriate.”
“Appropriate?” Hua Cheng laughs a little and kisses Xie Lian’s chin. “Gege, you tease me… Was it inappropriate last time I woke you up with my mouth on your-“
“I-I’m just a little hungry!” Xie Lian squeaks, scrambling ungracefully out of Hua Cheng’s lap and standing up to smooth out his robes. What on Earth is the matter with him?! The most beautiful handsome man in the world, Xie Lian’s most beloved person, is trying to take him to bed, but the mere reference of the last time Hua Cheng sucked him off makes Xie Lian feel positively filthy. Part of him is instinctually scolding himself — how depraved can he be, letting anyone perform such an act on him? The logical part of him screams right back that he has every right to do such things with his own husband and that the morning in question had been a wonderful moment, full of love and sleepy affection, warmth, and long snuggles in bed afterwards. But why does he feel so dirty about it…
“Oh.” Hua Cheng blinks then quickly stands up and takes Xie Lian’s hand in his with a grin. “Of course, gege. Forgive this one’s eagerness, let’s find you something good to eat.”
Within minutes, Hua Cheng has sat Xie Lian down in the banquet hall to place plate after plate of his favorites in front of him — fresh mantous, osmanthus soup. He sits next to Xie Lian and plays with his hair while he eats, telling Xie Lian all of the interesting bits of his time with He Xuan. Shi Qingxuan made a brief appearance, stumbling out of the Black Water Calamity’s bed chamber after sleeping in one early afternoon and Hua Cheng assures Xie Lian that his friend asked about him and that Shi Qingxuan seems to be in good health as well.
Xie Lian’s heart is full, being so thoughtfully served good food while Hua Cheng entertains him. He grins every time his husband smacks a kiss against his cheek and settles into the comfort of discussing the latest heavenly gossip, omitting his unfortunate encounter with the new celibate god. Hua Cheng hangs on every word, eye sparkling, always finding a way to be touching Xie Lian whether it be tucking his hair back behind his ear or stroking his thigh.
Usually, this would drive Xie Lian wild after being gone for some time. He’d jump into Hua Cheng’s lap and be happily carried off to the bedroom, but now, he isn’t feeling any of those pleasant warm tingles. His heart sinks like a rock when he realizes what he’s feeling — dread. He’s dreading his loving, beautiful husband whisking him off to make love. What is wrong with him?!
“What are you thinking about?” Hua Cheng asks, playful as he stands up and clears Xie Lian’s plates. “Gege seems so distracted today.”
“A-Ah, I’m sorry San Lang, I’m just… tired.”
“Did you not sleep well?”
Xie Lian takes the out and shakes his head.
“Well that won’t do.” Hua Cheng sets the plates down and puts his hands on Xie Lian’s shoulders from behind, leaning over the dining room chair to kiss the top of his head. “Come nap with me. We won’t do a thing until my gege is rested.”
Xie Lian breathes a quiet sigh of relief and nods his head, taking Hua Cheng’s hand to be led away from the banquet hall.
Inside their bed chamber, Xie Lian watches as Hua Cheng undresses, hoping, praying to feel something stir within him, but while his heart thrums at the sight of Hua Cheng in nothing but a thin pair of linen trousers, he still doesn’t feel his cock twitch in its usual interest.
“You don’t want to undress?” Hua Cheng asks, already holding an arm out for Xie Lian.
“Ah, no, I’m… I’m a little cold,” Xie Lian lies as he crawls onto the bed, still fully dressed in everything but the boots he abandoned on the floor. He even still has his socks on.
“Oh.” A twinge of worry crosses Hua Cheng’s expression. Xie Lian usually runs hot, which makes snuggling his ghost husband especially comfortable and convenient, given that Hua Cheng doesn’t give off a lot of body heat. When it’s cold out though, Hua Cheng often feels guilty about it, always covering Xie Lian in blankets and fretting over his warmth. Shoot, it isn’t even winter time now. Xie Lian might have hurt his feelings… “Gege will just have to join me under the covers then,” Hua Cheng says with a smile, but Xie Lian knows him too well to have missed that glimpse of insecurity as he moves under the blankets and holds them open for Xie Lian.
Graciously, Xie Lian slides in next to him and wraps his arms right around Hua Cheng, burying himself like he always does in that strong bare chest and sighing when his husband holds him close. His worries about sex aside, no place feels safer than Hua Cheng’s embrace.
“Is gege warm enough?” Hua Cheng whispers and Xie Lian nods, smiling as he presses a kiss to Hua Cheng’s chest, right over his heart.
Whatever is going on with him, Xie Lian is determined not to let it cause Hua Cheng any anxiety. He loves his husband more than anything. He’ll be damned if he doesn’t show it. “Mm, very warm with my big strong San Lang to protect me,” Xie Lian teases. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” Hua Cheng sighs, sounding relieved as he kisses Xie Lian’s forehead. “Get some rest, gege. I’ll be right here.”
He actually is a little tired… his rest has been fitful away from Hua Cheng and with everything on his mind. Xie Lian closes his eyes and lets himself be lulled by the hand stroking his back, relaxing into the touch.
Xie Lian falls asleep in no time, dreaming of nothing in particular, free from the growing cloud of shame and guilt that’s been casting such a dark shadow the past few days. He sleeps until he’s woken by a gentle shaking of his shoulder, of Hua Cheng whispering that there’s a situation at the Gambler’s Den he has to go deal with, but that he’ll be back soon. Xie Lian is half asleep, but he hears something about Hua Cheng giving him a special surprise when he returns, so he tells his husband how sweet he is and gives him a lazy kiss goodbye before returning to his dreams.
At least asleep, he doesn’t feel so guilty.
The next time Xie Lian wakes, Hua Cheng has returned. The sound of the door opening gently rouses him and he watches with a smile as his husband walks quietly to the dresser, trying so hard not to make a sound and wake him. He’s smitten as he watches Hua Cheng wince at the tinkle of his silver jewelry as he removes it, then shrugs off his jacket. He opens his shirt and Xie Lian forgets momentarily about his whole arousal dilemma, his sleepy mind falling into instinct as he slides out of bed and wraps his arms around Hua Cheng from behind.
“Hi,” Xie Lian smiles against his shoulder, pressing a kiss to the place where it meets his neck. “Everything okay at the Gambler’s Den?”
“All taken care of. Sorry to wake you over handling some trash, gege.” Hua Cheng tilts his head to the side to invite more kisses and Xie Lian obliges, kissing up his neck and nipping playfully at his ear. “Gege,” he sighs, turning around in his arms and leaning against the ornate dresser to pull Xie Lian against him. “I missed you.” He whispers, leaning in close and Xie Lian’s heart thumps.
He’s awake enough now to remember his predicament, but… how is he supposed to pull away? He doesn’t want to. Xie Lian wants to kiss his husband, who he’s missed for days. He loves Hua Cheng so much, his body will surely react normally if he just gives himself up to it.
“Mm, San Lang,” Xie Lian murmurs between kisses, wrapping his arms around Hua Cheng’s broad shoulders and gasping a bit when he’s lifted up onto the furniture.
“Gege,” Hua Cheng groans in the back of his throat before nibbling on Xie Lian’s lower lip. His hands hold Xie Lian’s waist, sliding up his sides, then beginning to open his robes.
Don’t think about it. Nothing is different. You’ll get hard soon enough, there isn’t anything wrong with this. You’re not dirty, you’re not dirty, you’re not-
Hua Cheng, who must be a little over eager from the long wait, takes Xie Lian by surprise by dropping his hand, sliding it between his legs to cup what he obviously expects to be Xie Lian’s erection. Instead, he finds him soft and Xie Lian breaks the kiss in surprise at the sudden contact.
“D-Don’t go so fast,” Xie Lian stammers, grabbing Hua Cheng’s wrist and pulling his hand away from him. His whole face is crimson with shame as he shuts his legs, hugging his robes back shut.
“I…” Hua Cheng looks genuinely surprised, quickly stepping back to give Xie Lian space. Xie Lian hates himself for the insecurity he sees flash in his husband’s eye. They haven’t had to take things slow for Xie Lian’s sake since they first started having sex, so there’s no reason he would expect Hua Cheng to hold back. In fact, Xie Lian usually wants to be ravaged. He loves to be taken by Hua Cheng, loves surrendering to the man he trusts most in the world and being drowned in nothing but pleasure in return. It’s just that… he’s somehow broken again. “Gege, I’m so sorry. Please forgive this lowly one for treating you so poorly, I was just overcome and-“
“A-Ah, no, no, you didn’t do anything wrong, I just…” Xie Lian’s heart plummets at the hurt in Hua Cheng’s expression. He just looks so confused and sorry when he hasn’t done anything wrong. “I’m… still a little sleepy,” he swallows, taking Hua Cheng’s hand in his and squeezing as apology. “Why don’t we go on a walk together? I’ve missed Ghost City.”
“If that’s what you’d like,” Hua Cheng says, his smile less genuine as he quickly begins to button his shirt back up. “Let this one treat you to anything you want, gege. I’m sorry for being so… rash.” He blushes a bit as he closes Xie Lian’s robes again and Xie Lian is quick to kiss him on the cheek, hoping to reassure him he hasn’t done anything wrong but Xie Lian doesn’t know how to explain to him what really is wrong right now.
Why does he still feel gross about himself right now? He knows that god was full of shit. He knows that sex is good and that he actually loves having it, so why, why is he so affected by a few cutting words from one puny official?
“Are you feeling okay?” Hua Cheng asks, laying his strong hand over Xie Lian’s forehead to feel for a fever. “Did you get enough to eat earlier? Let me-“
“I’m fine, San Lang,” Xie Lian assures, sliding down from the dresser and pressing a chaste kiss to Hua Cheng’s chin, taking his hand again too with a gentle squeeze. “Come show me around. I missed home.”
Home. The word seems to put some of the genuine joy back into Hua Cheng’s gaze as he eagerly leads Xie Lian by the hand back to the doorway.
“Your wish is my command, Dianxia.”
******
Hua Cheng had a tendency to… overcompensate. Xie Lian is absolutely kicking himself as they walk through the city. Hua Cheng can read him like a book, so of course he’s sensed something is wrong and now he’s trying to do anything he can think of to make Xie Lian smile. It’s adorable, really, but Xie Lian knows it’s coming from a place of insecurity and he’s frustrated at himself for making Hua Cheng feel like he did anything wrong.
Still, equally frustrating is the exhaustion of dodging his husband’s affection. Hua Cheng is suave and generous as always, buying anything Xie Lian so much as glances at, stealing kisses when they find a corner of privacy. Xie Lian doesn’t know how to keep turning him down over and over and it’s making an angry knot form in his stomach. The worst part is he wants to bask in Hua Cheng’s affection. He wants to make out with him in dark corners of the city and grind shamelessly on his thigh. He wants to let himself shiver when Hua Cheng whispers something teasing in his ear, but if he gives in for just a second, they’ll fall into that perfect easy rhythm that always leads them to bed together. Then Xie Lian won’t be able to get hard, won’t know how to explain it, and Hua Cheng will blame himself undoubtedly.
So Xie Lian tries to subtly dodge kisses and lead Hua Cheng into more crowded places. He’s never too forward in public, not wanting so many unworthy onlookers to gaze at his Dianxia blushing, but as the evening wears on, Xie Lian can feel his husband growing more and more anxious. What is he supposed to say to reassure him? Sorry San Lang, I got in my head about sex again and now my dick stopped working! God, it’s so pathetic, it even sounds made up.
Just as Xie Lian is deep in thought about how he’s going to keep this up, a pair of warm lips are brushing against his ear.
“The city is too boring, gege,” Hua Cheng murmurs, his voice low and sultry as his hand squeezes Xie Lian’s hip. “Would you like to go back to the temple? I could really use a little calligraphy practice after missing your lessons so long.”
It isn’t Hua Cheng’s fault. It’s just the timing and the way his lips on Xie Lian’s ear make him shiver, another reaction he has to shut down, which he’s already exhausted with doing. He’s angry at himself, not his husband. He’s only mad at the situation, but Xie Lian snaps at him before he can gather his thoughts properly. “I don’t want to have sex right now!” He seethes in a harsh whisper. “Does everything have to be about that?!”
Hua Cheng makes a face Xie Lian has never seen on him before. He’s… startled? His face pales and he immediately retracts his hand from Xie Lian’s shoulder, taking half a step back. He lowers his gaze, letting his hair hide his expression, but Xie Lian sees him swallow a lump in his throat.
“A-Apologies, Dianxia, this one has overstepped. I… I have no excuse, my behavior has been unforgivable.” His low voice, usually so commanding and sure, wobbles as he speaks.
“Oh no, no, San Lang, wait, I didn’t mean…” Xie Lian feels a hole open in his chest as he looks at Hua Cheng. He’s so hurt… Xie Lian always knows what he’s feeling and it feels like someone is squeezing his heart when he sees the slightest quiver of Hua Cheng’s mouth.
“No need for apologies, Dianxia. Allow me to give you some space,” he says, the outline of his body already beginning to glow a light silver and become hazy. “Apologies again for acting so shamefully.”
“Don’t go, San Lang.” Xie Lian reaches out for him, but the first butterflies have already appeared. “Please, I didn’t mean that.”
But Hua Cheng is gone with a cloud of silver butterflies, the shape of the swarm dispersing from his silhouette to a shapeless cloud as they all flutter off.
Shit.
*****
Xie Lian drags his feet back to the manor with a heavy heart. What’s the matter with him? The whole reason he didn’t want Hua Cheng to notice his sexual dysfunction was so that he wouldn’t hurt his feelings, but now he’s hurt him so much more. Hua Cheng can be so insecure about his appearance and about deserving Xie Lian’s love and now he’s gone and basically yelled at him for expressing affection. Of course Hua Cheng was trying to initiate sex. They’ve missed each other and it’s unusual for Xie Lian not to jump him the moment he gets home from Heaven. He was only being the affectionate and doting husband he always is and Xie Lian bit his head off for it.
He should probably look for him. There’s a temptation to let Hua Cheng have his space, but Xie Lian knows he’ll only brood into a self deprecating spiral and he needs to find him and tell him the truth about what’s going on. He won’t use the array. Hua Cheng might avoid him if he knows Xie Lian is looking for him, so he’ll just go searching.
Xie Lian makes his way back to the manor and checks the bedroom first. Hua Cheng isn’t there, as he expected, but his heart still sinks when he doesn’t find him waiting. He walks through the distance shortening array to the cave of ten thousand gods next, but he doesn’t sense his husband’s presence even after wandering around a bit.
The caves make him feel even guiltier. He’s surrounded by beautiful depictions of himself, all painstakingly crafted by the person who loves him most in the world. Then there’s the painting of Hua Cheng himself, his own self image a dilapidated horror hardly even resembling the beauty he truly is. Xie Lian touches his fingertips to the image with a sigh. How will he reassure Hua Cheng now? He’s grown so accustomed to showing his husband his desire, using it as evidence of how beautiful he finds Hua Cheng. Now he needs to convince his husband that he’s wanted, but his body won’t be able to show it…
Xie Lian leaves the caves, feeling disheartened, and heads next to the temple. He doesn’t think Hua Cheng will be there, but it’s worth checking.
He approaches the heavy stone doors and stops when he hears low voices coming from within. This temple is closed to outside worshippers except when Hua Cheng specifically opens it to the public for special celebrations. Xie Lian presses his ear to the stone and channels a bit of spiritual power to enhance his hearing. The first voice he hears is Hua Cheng’s.
“I’m disgusting. I don’t even deserve to look at him, let alone touch him.” Hua Cheng’s voice is ragged and harsh. Has he been crying? Xie Lian’s chest seizes. He almost never cries, not since he was a child. Since then, Xie Lian has only seen tears of joy like the day of their reunion after one long year spent apart or the tears shed on their wedding day.
“You didn’t even do anything. It sounds like there’s just something else on his mind,” says an indifferent voice and Xie Lian raises his eyebrows at the realization that He Xuan is here. Did Hua Cheng… call him? He would smile at the progress his husband has made, being able to call on a friend like this, but he feels too terrible.
“Or I’m just the worst husband alive and he’s sick of me and I should leave him alone forever.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“Fuck off.”
“You called me here!”
“I know, shut up,” croaks Hua Cheng. “He’s never distant like this. I don’t know what he’s not telling me. Not that I have a right to know, I’m such a piece of-“
“Dude.”
“Have you heard from Qingxuan? Has he mentioned anything going on with Dianxia?”
Xie Lian feels too guilty eavesdropping and honestly can’t take anymore of his sweet San Lang being so cruel to himself, so he takes a deep breath and pushes the doors open, entering the temple with a gust of fresh air that billows his robes as he walks. “San Lang?” He asks softly and is met with the sight of Hua Cheng hunched over the altar, his pale face streaked with tears. He Xuan stands beside him, looking mostly annoyed, but also a little concerned.
Immediately, Hua Cheng wipes his face and straightens up, clearing his throat before turning to his friend. “He Xuan, fuck off.”
“I just got here,” he sighs with a roll of his eyes. “Got anything to eat?”
“Go raid the manor, I don’t care,” Hua Cheng tells him and He Xuan happily saunters off to eat Hua Cheng out of house and home. He nudges Xie Lian’s arm on the way past.
“Tell him whatever’s going on with you. He’s losing it,” He Xuan mutters before brushing past and walking off in the direction of Paradise Manor. He shuts the heavy stone doors behind him, leaving the two alone in the cool quiet air of the temple. Under the lantern light, Xie Lian can see Hua Cheng’s wet eye clear as day.
“San Lang, you left too soon… Let me explain, I didn’t mean to snap at you like that,” Xie Lian says, walking up to the altar to stand beside Hua Cheng. In his true form this way, he still stands much taller than Xie Lian, but right now, he seems so small. His arms are crossed like he’s holding himself and he’s looking down again, hiding behind his hair and avoiding Xie Lian’s gaze.
“It’s alright, Dianxia… this one overstepped and I-“
“Don’t call me that,” Xie Lian says, his heart sinking as he reaches out to put his hand on top of Hua Cheng’s. “Call me gege… like you always do.” He squeezes Hua Cheng’s hand and steps closer, breathing a slight sigh of relief when Hua Cheng allows him to interlace their fingers. “I’m sorry I yelled at you… I didn’t mean to and it wasn’t what I meant to say. Don’t tell me not to apologize either.”
“I’m… sorry for overstepping.”
“You didn’t overstep. I love your affection.” Xie Lian smiles and leans his head against Hua Cheng’s shoulder. “I love your silly teasing and the way you hold me close even when we’re just walking around… I love when you whisk me away somewhere and kiss me all over, how you… h-how you make me feel good.” Xie Lian blushes during the last part, but he can’t let himself get embarrassed now. “I always want you, San Lang… Always.”
“Then why did you…” Hua Cheng swallows the question, still looking away. “You’ve been distant lately… You were so much quieter than usual while you were away and when you came home, you kept pushing me away, I thought… Are you tired of me?” He tenses hard and scrubs his free hand over his face with a frustrated sigh. “No, don’t answer that, I can’t take hearing-“
“I will never ever be tired of you. Never.” Xie Lian reaches out and cups Hua Cheng’s face, making him turn and look into his eyes before he rises on his toes and presses their lips together.
He’s not always the best with words, but this is a secret language they both speak. He kisses Hua Cheng with all the love and adoration he feels every time he lays eyes on him, stroking his cheek affectionately with his thumb and cupping his jaw. Hua Cheng kisses back with a gentleness reserved only for Xie Lian and after a moment, Xie Lian feels him truly surrender to it.
“My sweet, wonderful San Lang,” Xie Lian whispers to him with a smile. “My handsome, strong husband who always takes such good care of me… forgive this one for being so distant these past few days.”
“I'll always forgive you anything,” Hua Cheng says with a light chuckle and stays facing Xie Lian, letting him see his face now. “Did I offend you in some way? Did I say something to make you not want to see me?”
“Not at all. In fact, I’ve actually wanted nothing more than to be with San Lang these last few days.”
“…Gege, this one is very confused.”
“Shoot, I’m messing this all up.” Xie Lian sighs at himself and hops up onto the altar, sitting with his knees spread apart, so Hua Cheng can stand between them. “I have to tell you something embarrassing.” He wraps his arms around his husband’s broad shoulders and leans his head forward, tucking it into the crook of Hua Cheng’s neck.
“You never have to be embarrassed with me, gege… Tell me what happened,” Hua Cheng says, still sounding a little nervous, but only to Xie Lian’s trained ears, well versed in all of his lover’s idiosyncrasies. His voice is still soft and kind, a tone he takes with Xie Lian and no one else. His strong hands stroke Xie Lian’s back.
“You have to promise not to beat anyone up. No storming into heaven.”
“Did someone hurt you?“
“No, San Lang, nothing so serious, there was just… a bit of an altercation. I’m already mortified though, so really, you have to swear to me that you won’t go barging up there, okay? Otherwise I won’t tell you.”
Hua Cheng sighs, but nods his head. “I promise, gege. Tell this one what happened.” He pulls back to look Xie Lian, intent on listening, but Xie Lian can tell he’s still hurt and it kills him.
“A new god ascended recently, one that had read a lot of… outdated information about me.” Xie Lian sighs. “He was very inspired by my… purity.”
Understanding dawns on Hua Cheng’s face and he pulls away, his gaze cast downward again as he steps back and crosses his arms.
“San Lang?” Xie Lian feels his blood run cold. Why is he pulling away? Does he… also look down on him for being less pure than he was? Even if Hua Cheng is the one Xie Lian sleeps with, he fell in love with him so long ago — the Xie Lian that was righteous and clean, pure and white.
“Are you regretting it?” Hua Cheng asks, pained. “Breaking your vows for… me?”
“San Lang, of course not.” Xie Lian feels hot tears prick at his eyes. He’s messing this whole thing up, he’s hurting the person he loves even more. “Do you ever…” He stops and sniffles. “Do you ever think less of me for it? For not being pure anymore?”
“Gege, I could never think anything less than the world of you. You’re not only my beloved, you’re my god.” Hua Cheng looks at him again, blinking quickly to drive back his own tears. His pale cheeks are pink with the embarrassment of crying and Xie Lian wants nothing more than for him to feel safe enough to let it out. “What matters is you…”
Xie Lian takes a deep breath and tries to remind himself that Hua Cheng has seen him at his absolute lowest. If he loved him as Wu Ming and as the little ghost fire who saw his worst moments, of course he can’t see him differently just for being sexual, but… that shame and guilt still nag him. They’re hard feelings to shake even with the person he loves most in the world. “That god was upset to learn that I don’t cultivate the pure body path anymore and he just looked so… disgusted and disappointed. I know it sounds like nothing, but it made me feel horrible about myself and ever since, I haven’t been able to… I-I can’t get aroused without feeling so bad about myself, it just goes away.” Xie Lian hiccups, but before he can spew out a million apologies for being broken and immature, Hua Cheng is rushing forward to hold him again.
“San Lang,” Xie Lian whimpers into his shoulder, sniveling as he hugs him back. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, I don’t know when my face got so thin, but I was so embarrassed about-“
“Shh, everything is okay,” Hua Cheng hushes him, his expression full of sympathy and relief as he touches their foreheads together. “You don’t have anything to apologize for.“
“Of course I do, I hurt you.” Xie Lian squeezes him extra tight. “You didn’t do anything wrong at all, I just didn’t want you to find out I was having those… problems again. I was afraid you would think that m-maybe because I couldn’t get it up, that I wasn’t attracted to you, but I pushed you away, which must have made you feel so much worse.” Xie Lian tries to imagine how he would feel if Hua Cheng rejected his advances the same way he rejected Hua Cheng today. If Hua Cheng jerked away from him, accused him of making things all about sex when he was only trying to be loving and affectionate, Xie Lian thinks his heart might break. “You have to know I didn’t mean it, San Lang.”
“Gege, if my advances are ever too much-“
“They’re not,” Xie Lian insists, rising on his toes and pressing a hard kiss to Hua Cheng’s lips, his hands rising to cup his husband’s face. “That’s the worst part, I love being… i-intimate with you. I love it.” He swallows hard, his face already burning. “That’s why it hurts so much, it feels like I’m losing it.”
“You will never lose my intimacy.” Hua Cheng says with a smile, gentle as he nuzzles his cheek into Xie Lian’s hand. “My poor gege, are you sure I’m not allowed to take any vengeance? What’s the new God’s name?”
“No revenge.” Xie Lian barks out a wet laugh and kisses the tip of Hua Cheng’s nose. “Just… help me? I’ve been trying to fix it all by myself and nothing is working.”
“This one is always happy to serve,” Hua Cheng says with a much more characteristic smile — a borderline smirk as he presses a line of kisses along Xie Lian’s jaw. “Poor gege. This one will have to make sure you’re satisfied or what kind of husband would I be?” He nuzzles his nose against Xie Lian’s cheek and kisses there too. “As long as you want my assistance.”
“I was wrong not to ask for it in the first place.” Xie Lian throws his arms around Hua Cheng’s shoulders and squeezes him extra tight, feeling so silly for trying to keep this from his husband in the first place, but he’s also still concerned about Hua Cheng’s self esteem. “You know you’re perfect to me, San Lang. Right?”
Hua Cheng maintains his smile, but his gaze flits away from Xie Lian. “This one is far from perfect, gege.”
“So am I.” Xie Lian peppers Hua Cheng’s pale cheeks in kisses and squeezes him extra tight before hopping down from the altar and taking his lover’s hand. “Would you be willing to help this poor husband with his embarrassing predicament?”
“I would love to be of service, gege.” Without letting go of Xie Lian’s hand, Hua Cheng procures a piece of red chalk from his pocket and kneels down to draw a distance shortening array on the floor beside the altar. Xie Lian recognizes the destination. His heart warms. “Ready?”
Xie Lian nods and they step into the array together, walking slowly forward until they find themselves transported easily to their cabin on Mount TaiCang.
“Just a moment, gege,” Hua Cheng says, letting go of Xie Lian’s hand to walk up to their bedside table and pocket a few things from the top drawer. He folds the blanket covering the bed next, tucking it under his arm before returning to Xie Lian. “Follow me.”
Xie Lian follows without question, his cheeks warm and his heart light as his husband leads him from their cabin and onto the mountain path. Over the past few years, they’ve replanted the cherry trees all over Mount TaiCang and with a little help from their spiritual power, they’ve all grown tall and strong, dripping with the small ruby fruits as they walk together in the shade of the branches. There’s the light sound of running water from the nearby stream where Xie Lian often bathed and did laundry in the year he waited for Hua Cheng’s return.
Following the path and leading Xie Lian across the stream on a small wooden bridge they built themselves, Hua Cheng eventually brings him to a clearing of lush grass shaded perfectly by the trees. It isn’t a new spot. They’ve often had picnics here or stolen away for a little privacy from heaven, but it’s been a while, and it’s one of Xie Lian’s favorite places.
Hua Cheng lays the blanket down over the grass and guides Xie Lian to sit with him, face to face with their legs folded and hands still holding on to one another’s. Hua Cheng’s smile is soft, his eye kind as he gives Xie Lian’s hands a squeeze. “Tell me more about what’s been going on, gege.”
Xie Lian nods and looks away, sheepishly, blushing even as Hua Cheng’s thumbs rub soothing circles on the backs of his hands. “Well, ah… The last time I came was when I was talking to you in the array, when I watched the butterfly memory of us.”
“This was before that trash god made his remarks?”
“Yes,” Xie Lian laughs. “I fell asleep after and I actually woke up to his ascension. I went outside to greet him and that’s when that whole exchange happened.” He blushes when he looks back at Hua Cheng. “I was still in that outfit you picked out. I really loved it. I felt… kind of handsome.” He pulls his hands out of Hua Cheng’s grip and hides his face for a moment, too embarrassed at himself. “Ah, I really liked wearing something you picked for me,” he says when he takes his hands away. “But then as soon as he said those things, I felt like I was totally naked… Even though people were laughing, I did know they weren’t laughing at me not being pure, they were laughing because it was funny for someone to have…” Xie Lian bites his lip at the realization. “Well they were laughing because it was so ridiculous that anyone in the world still thought I was some white lotus…”
Hua Cheng’s hand returns to squeeze Xie Lian’s knee. “Is that how you want to be seen?”
“It isn’t.” Xie Lian shakes his head. “If being married to you and… making love with you makes me impure, I… I don’t want to be pure.” He swallows a lump forming in his throat, guilt gnawing at his chest. He knows that’s true and he believes it with all his heart, but why then does he feel so horrible when he thinks he’s dirty?
“Gege.” Hua Cheng cups Xie Lian’s face in his hand, making their eyes meet as he leans in close, speaking softly. “I can tell you’re being hard on yourself. You spent eight centuries not allowing yourself even an ounce of desire. It’s okay for your feelings about purity to be complicated.”
“I just never want you to think that I regret a fraction of this.” Xie Lian swallows. “I feel so terrible about making you cry, San Lang. You were being so sweet and supportive and instead of talking to you, I hurt your feelings… You don’t deserve all this.”
Hua Cheng laughs a little and leans forward to kiss Xie Lian’s cheeks. “Gege, this lowly one is amazed every day that he gets to be married to his most beloved person.” He nuzzles their noses together for a moment. “Tell me more about what happened. You felt bad for being dressed a little immodestly?”
“Just… embarrassed with everyone looking at me,” Xie Lian sighs. “I felt dirty. I felt naked.”
“Did anyone come to your defense?”
“General Pei came to make sure I was alright,” Xie Lian says and watches as his husband makes an obvious mental note not to smite Pei Ming in the near future. “But I just wanted to get out of sight, so I shut myself back in the palace.”
“And then?“
“Well… my first fear was that I’d be broken again, so I… ran a bath.” He glances down and fidgets for a moment, playing with a loose thread of his robe. “I was worried that dirty feeling wouldn’t go away, so I tried to… make myself come again.“
“Did you?”
Xie Lian shakes his head, mouth wobbling a bit. “I couldn’t even get hard. I just felt ashamed and stupid and I realized I was broken again.”
“Gege, if you were feeling embarrassed already and you had also masturbated very recently, it would be hard for anyone to be truly aroused in those circumstances.” Hua Cheng brings one of Xie Lian’s hands to his lips and kisses his knuckles, nosing gently at the red string around his finger. “Remember what we discovered when we first started… being intimate?” He asks, keeping his language subtle to ease Xie Lian back towards comfort.
Xie Lian takes a deep breath and nods his head.
“You’re not broken, gege. You always have trouble getting aroused when you’re all in your head.”
“I suppose…” Xie Lian sighs. “I also didn’t have my San Lang. You always make me feel that way even when I have so much on my mind sometimes.”
Hua Cheng looks a tiny bit proud of himself, but he schools his expression into something tender as he leans over and presses a gentle kiss to Xie Lian’s lips, lingering just long enough that Xie Lian leans in for more, and then Hua Cheng retreats. “We’re someplace safe now,” he murmurs against Xie Lian’s lips. “No one can judge you here. Not with me. And I will never judge you.”
Xie Lian can feel his lips pulling up into a smile. Hua Cheng really was telling the truth all that time ago. He is the most sincere person Xie Lian has ever met. He believes every word he says because every word Hua Cheng tells him is true.
“I’ve missed my handsome husband so terribly,” Hua Cheng chuckles, letting go of Xie Lian’s hand to push his hair back behind his ears and caress his cheek. He looks at Xie Lian like something so precious, it makes it almost impossible to feel dirty. They’ve of course done things together on bolder nights that Xie Lian knows are downright filthy, but… he reminds himself that doesn’t mean those things are wrong. And right now, he can’t think of anything purer than the devotion in his husband’s eyes.
“I still might not get… hard,” Xie Lian says, knowing his body’s tendency to react in contrast to his heart and desires. “But I’ve missed my handsome husband as well.”
“Intimacy doesn’t have to be about orgasm.” Hua Cheng puts his hands on Xie Lian’s knees and slides them up to his thighs, his lips turning up. “Just be present with me and whatever happens happens. I’ll do whatever you want me to and if gege finds himself aroused, this one is more than happy to please you. If you aren’t, I hope you can still take comfort in my touch. It’s just us here.”
Despite being out in the open, Xie Lian knows there’s an array they’ve set up over this section of the forest. No mortal can wander in, no heavenly official can spy from above. It’s complete privacy while still maintaining the openness of nature and perhaps that’s why Xie Lian has always been so comfortable here. “I don’t know how my body will react, but I want to… feel you,” Xie Lian says with pink cheeks and half a laugh. “Will you undress me, San Lang?”
“This one is always happy to grant such a request.” Hua Cheng grins at him and indulges Xie Lian in another sweet kiss as he begins to untie the sash at his waist and slowly pull apart his robes.
Xie Lian does his best to turn off his thoughts, not worrying about whether or not his dick will work like he wants it to, just… enjoying. He smiles into the kiss when Hua Cheng gives a playful nip on his lower lip and enjoys the breeze on his skin when his husband slides his robes down his shoulders. When Hua Cheng’s hands disappear, he hears the rustling of fabric, knows that he’s working open his own jacket, undoing the ties of his undershirt to bare his torso. Though his eyes are still closed as they kiss, Xie Lian instinctually reaches out to touch.
Hua Cheng hums his approval when Xie Lian’s hands come to rest on his chest, squeezing his pecs and brushing over his nipples with his thumbs, awakening them to his touch. Usually he’d tease Xie Lian right now, joke that he’s shameless for feeling up this poor defenseless ghost king, but this time, he only encourages. “Gege,” he sighs into the kiss.
“Sorry,” Xie Lian murmurs between kisses, not sorry at all as he gives Hua Cheng’s chest another squeeze for good measure. It really is just too fun to feel him sometimes… Hua Cheng is so responsive, sensitive even. Xie Lian has always delighted in discovering what makes his pale husband blush and giving pleasure has somehow always felt less shameful than receiving it since they started having sex.
Hua Cheng breaks the kiss and finishes removing his clothes from the waist up, tossing the garments aside in the grass. “It’s too hot out for Dianxia to be in so many layers. Allow this husband to make you more comfortable.”
“So forward, San Lang,” Xie Lian giggles as Hua Cheng peppers his neck in kisses and helps him free his arms from the robes.
“I’m only looking out for my husband’s health,” Hua Cheng says, turning to the side to tug off one of Xie Lian’s boots, then turning to do the same with the other. He kicks off his own haphazardly, leaving them both in just trousers.
Before Xie Lian has a chance to think, Hua Cheng is crawling forward, kissing him again as he lowers him down onto his back. He feels his dick stir in his trousers and lets out a small gasp, excited that he’s responding, but Hua Cheng hushes him, taking Xie Lian’s hand in his own and pressing it down to the blanket.
“Shh, don’t think about it,” he murmurs with a nibble to Xie Lian’s ear. “Are you comfortable?”
“Mhm,” Xie Lian blushes. He tries not to fixate on his physical desire, lest he get too embarrassed and that embarrassment evolves into shame again, but he wants Hua Cheng to press down on him, roll their hips together, let him feel Hua Cheng’s hardness against him. The dirty thought threatens to bring an ounce of guilt into his consciousness, but before he can ruminate, Hua Cheng’s mouth is sucking on his neck and his back is arching. “Ah, San Lang,” he sighs, turning his head to the side to grant better access.
Hua Cheng takes the invitation, biting him lightly in all the right places, soothing any love marks with the brush of his tongue.
Their fingers are still intertwined and Xie Lian squeezes as Hua Cheng lavishes his neck. He’s actually too hard to ignore now and his hips cant upwards, seeking friction before he can question it.
Right away, Hua Cheng slots his thigh between Xie Lian’s legs, pressing down insistently, a silent encouragement for Xie Lian to rut up against him. He does. Then he whimpers at the contact. “Does that feel good, gege?”
“Yes,” he sighs, face flushed and eyes squeezed shut.
“Good boy,” Hua Cheng whispers right in his ear, sending a warm shiver down Xie Lian’s spine that ends only when his toes have curled. “You’re always so good for me, gege. My good boy, my precious husband.” He noses along Xie Lian’s jaw. “You see how good you are? There’s nothing dirty about this, nothing to be ashamed of, or feel guilty about.”
Xie Lian nods and whines through closed lips, squirming to rub himself up against Hua Cheng’s thigh.
“Do you want me to tell you more?” Hua Cheng whispers, kissing him again between statements. “Does it make it easier or harder for you to feel good about what we’re doing?”
“Easier,” Xie Lian confesses. He’s the most aroused he’s been all week and his passion is only growing as Hua Cheng coaxes and praises him. He loves to make his husband feel good and Hua Cheng takes most of his pleasure from delivering it to Xie Lian.
Hua Cheng begins to slide downward, giving Xie Lian a wicked grin before he begins to kiss down his bare torso. “Gege is always so handsome,” he says, kissing between his pecs then over to drag the tip of his tongue around his nipple. “And tastes so good.”
Xie Lian sucks in a breath and in return, Hua Cheng takes the nipple in his mouth. “San Lang,” he whines.
“Dianxia, have mercy on this poor husband of yours,” Hua Cheng says, inching further down with each wet kiss, over Xie Lian’s abs, dipping his tongue into his belly button to elicit a gasp. “I want you,” he sighs, kissing the waist of Xie Lian’s trousers. “I want to taste you, gege.”
“Y-You can… you can use your…” Xie Lian flushes and covers his face with his hands, groaning. “San Lang, please.”
“As you command, Dianxia,” Hua Cheng says, his hands coming up as Xie Lian’s hips lift and his trousers are removed with an almost magically quick flourish of fabric.
Xie Lian is naked. He’s naked with his husband lying topless between his thighs, his cock full and hard on display. He cringes at himself a moment, but then he sees the way Hua Cheng is staring at him. He’s looking at that intimate part of his body, that evidence of all Xie Lian’s arousal and desire. He’s so hard and wet too, he always gets messy so quickly when Hua Cheng gets him worked up, but his husband is looking at that part of him with an almost ravenous look in his eye. He looks like he’s parched and awaiting Xie Lian’s permission, silently pleading to take that first sip of water on a hot day. “You can do it,” he whispers, biting his lip as he pushes a hand into Hua Cheng’s hair and lets his eyes flutter shut.
Right away, Hua Cheng envelopes the tip in his mouth, making a pleased hum around it as he sucks.
Xie Lian’s eyes flutter shut, a soft moan escaping him as the wet heat of Hua Cheng’s mouth takes him in. At the same time he arches his back, Hua Cheng slides an arm beneath him, holding him by the waist as the other pins down his hips. Xie Lian hopes there’s bruises — violet marks in the shape of his husband’s fingertips that remind him of what they did. He can’t even linger on the thought too long, certainly not long enough to judge that desire as filthy, because Hua Cheng is taking him in deeper, sucking his cock like he really is worshipping his god. “San Lang,” he whimpers, squirming as his hips roll helplessly up against their restraint. “That feels so good.”
Hua Cheng hums in approval, swallowing eagerly around him and bobbing his head. He doesn’t technically need to breathe, so going down on Xie Lian is one of his most refined talents. He knows just how to torture him with his tongue, then soothe that aching need with the same mouth that teases him. He licks and sucks and swallows, moaning softly around the cock in his mouth the whole time, never letting Xie Lian doubt for a second that he loves doing this, never slowing down enough to let Xie Lian think too hard about what they’re doing.
Xie Lian is lost in it. Not that he has any point of comparison, but he thinks Hua Cheng is probably the best lover in the world. He is to Xie Lian anyways. How could this be wrong? With the array, they’re in total privacy. They’re married. There’s no one else that will be affected by anything he does with his husband at all, no one but the two of them, so… why is he being so hard on himself? Why is he depriving himself, depriving Hua Cheng? “San Lang, I want more,” he confesses, his face flushed and breathing labored as he props himself up on his elbows. He blushes a much fiercer red when he looks at the sight of Hua Cheng sucking him, his pretty lips wrapped around his cock, cheeks hollowed, one eye shut, so his eyelashes stand out. His eye flutters open at Xie Lian’s request.
“Yes, gege? What can this one do to please you?” Hua Cheng purrs, releasing Xie Lian’s hips, so he can still stroke him with one hand. He’s grinning up at him, like he just can’t wait for instruction. Xie Lian loves him so much.
“Fuck me,” Xie Lian says with a smile, the dirty words falling easily from his lips as he sits himself up and bends over to kiss Hua Cheng’s forehead. “You’re right, there’s nothing wrong with any of this, I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t feel bad about any of it.”
“That’s right, baobei, that’s right,” Hua Cheng grins, lifting himself up to nuzzle their noses together before he tilts his head and kisses him, a soft warm touch of the lips. “You want me inside you?”
“Yes,” Xie Lian breathes. “Please, San Lang.”
In moments, Hua Cheng rids himself smoothly of his trousers, fishing out the jar he’d pocketed earlier and setting it down next to them on the blanket. Both naked, they roll together, laughing between kisses as Hua Cheng shamelessly lets his hands roam all over Xie Lian’s body, each of them giving in to grinding clumsily against one another as Xie Lian licks the taste of himself from Hua Cheng’s mouth.
They settle into a proper position eventually, Hua Cheng spooning Xie Lian from behind, hitching up one of his legs to finger him open with careful efficiency. He knows not to rush this part, but he knows just as well not to keep Xie Lian waiting too long. All the while, he lavishes Xie Lian’s neck, ear, and shoulder in attention, leaving new love marks, sucking and nibbling on all the right places.
Too shy to jerk himself off and not wanting to come too soon either (especially after what Hua Cheng’s mouth just put him through), Xie Lian pants and writhes on his husband’s fingers while his dick bobs with the squirming of his hips, weeping for attention. The earth is soft beneath the blanket, the blanket soft against his skin, all parts of him warmed by the sunlight that bleeds through the trees as Hua Cheng prepares him. He can feel Hua Cheng’s cock, hard and insistent against the small of his back and the reminder of his arousal, of the person he loves being so genuinely attracted to him, makes Xie Lian glow.
“Good boy, gege, so patient for me,” Hua Cheng murmurs in his ear, close enough to make him shiver as his fingers pulse purposefully up against that special spot inside of him. “My beautiful handsome god, my husband, my beloved.” Hua Cheng licks a stripe up Xie Lian’s neck. “Are you ready?”
Xie Lian almost whines. He’s been ready, but he knows there’s no point in rushing Hua Cheng. He never fucks him without making absolutely sure that he’s stretched and ready beforehand. Maybe he could make use of that jade plug Hua Cheng had bought him a while ago… he’d been too embarrassed to use it before, but if it could allow him to prepare himself for his husband ahead of time for their lovemaking, maybe that’s something he could get behind… maybe that’s something he could enjoy. Briefly, he imagines himself sitting through a long meeting with the other heavenly officials, that flared bulb of jade lodged inside him, unbeknownst to the other gods. His cock jumps at the fantasy and Hua Cheng chuckles behind him. “I’m ready,” Xie Lian says insistently. He needs to get fucked before he comes up with even more depraved ideas.
Kissing a slow line up Xie Lian’s neck, Hua Cheng lines himself up, already slick to ease the glide, and begins to push in.
Xie Lian surprises himself at how fast he embraces the intrusion, even if they’ve done this so many times already. He sighs and relaxes his body the way Hua Cheng taught him, a strong hand holding his right thigh up to make for an easy entry. Hua Cheng rocks his hips a few times, pushing in an extra inch or two with each slow thrust until their bodies are completely joined.
Hua Cheng sighs too, his usually cool face warm as he presses it into the crook of Xie Lian’s neck. He’s staying still, letting Xie Lian’s hips adjust and, Xie Lian suspects, letting himself get used to the sensation.
Xie Lian smooths a hand down his belly, resting it once he feels the subtle bulge in his abdomen. Out of curiosity, he presses his palm down on it and listens to Hua Cheng groan in response. “Does that feel good?”
“Yes, gege.” Hua Cheng shivers against him and grinds his hips forward against Xie Lian’s ass, chasing the pressure.
Blushing, Xie Lian presses down again, hearing Hua Cheng’s breath hitch. He explores the bulge with his fingers, tracing the outline, rubbing a little circle over the head and Hua Cheng whimpers. It’s a sound Xie Lian only hears every now and then. Sometimes when he sucks Hua Cheng off, he can draw that noise out of him. The few times he’s fucked Hua Cheng, he’s heard him do it, but it’s rare. It’s music to his ears. “Does the pressure feel good?” Xie Lian asks, breathless as Hua Cheng begins to rock back and forth. “Or do you just like… feeling how big you are.” He swallows hard as he watches the way his body moves and responds as Hua Cheng slowly fucks him, warming him up for the faster, steady pace that’s sure to come.
“Gege,” Hua Cheng practically chokes. “Fuck… Both, I think.” He wraps his arm around Xie Lian’s waist, holding him tight against him, back to chest. “Being inside you is indescribable, gege.” He nips at Xie Lian’s shoulder and lets out a low groan that makes Xie Lian throb with desire, his muscles tensing around Hua Cheng just to squeeze him, make him feel even better.
Worries about not being able to stay aroused, let alone not being able to come, are a far away memory as they start to build a rhythm together. Xie Lian is hard and aching, waiting patiently as he turns his head and kisses his husband over and over again. He won’t touch himself — not because he thinks it’s dirty or because he’s too embarrassed, but because he wants to be good. He wants to be good for Hua Cheng, wait to be given the pleasure of having his cock stroked in time with the rocking of their bodies, wait for Hua Cheng to give him permission. He’s so full.
“San Lang,” he pants against his husband’s lips. “Am I… Am I being…”
“Shh, my sweet boy,” Hua Cheng hushes in a low voice, pale cheeks tinted pink as he fucks Xie Lian at a quick steady pace, still clutching him tight. “You’re being so good, gege. You’re always so good for me. Look at you, taking me so well.” He leans in and sucks Xie Lian’s lower lip into his mouth, nibbling on it before he lets it go and drops his head, burying his own moan in Xie Lian’s shoulder. “Does gege want to be touched?” He asks, breathless. Xie Lian suddenly remembers that this is still an exercise in testing his comfort levels again, that Hua Cheng is being careful, but he nods so quickly, he almost knocks their heads together.
“Please.”
Hua Cheng obliges and Xie Lian gasps with relief, throwing his head back against Hua Cheng’s shoulder as long fingers wrap around his length and tug. “Look at this, look how hard you are,” Hua Cheng breathes, stroking Xie Lian in time with his thrusts, quick and targeted right on the spot that makes him see stars. “Do you think you can come for me, gege? Does it feel good?”
“I can, I can,” Xie Lian babbles, working his hips back and forth to meet with Hua Cheng’s cock and his fist, perfectly trapped between the two, so that no matter which way he writhes, he’s met with pleasure. “I can come, please, make me come, I’ve been so…” A sob of pleasure and relief escapes him at the realization that the orgasm he’s been chasing all week in vain is finally going to be given to him.
He’s such an idiot for trying to handle this on his own. He’d been miserable and ashamed for days, thinking he might be entirely broken as a lover, when all he had needed was Hua Cheng. He needed to be reassured, needed the shame to be chased away, and he needed to be touched. Hua Cheng’s grip is so slick around him, the slide eased by nothing more than the pre-come leaking out of him. Never mind not being able to come or stay hard, Xie Lian is fighting to stave off the orgasm now, prolonging this intimacy, this pleasure that consumes his whole body.
Hua Cheng lets out a groan and Xie Lian’s heart skips at the realization that Hua Cheng is close too. The thought alone of him coming deep inside him, of that rush of spiritual power, that warm wetness that fills him up. Fuck, it’s been a little while since Hua Cheng was able to come inside him.
“San Lang, are you close?” Xie Lian asks, his thighs starting to tremble. “I’m gonna come, but I want… I want to feel you inside.”
Hua Cheng grunts in understanding and thrusts in especially hard to illustrate the point. “Gege wants me to come inside?”
“Yes, yes, please, please, please,” Xie Lian says, his toes curling as his own pleasure begins to crest. “A-Ah, San Lang, I’m right there.”
“Come for me, gege,” Hua Cheng instructs, his rhythm never faltering as he drives Xie Lian towards the edge. He knows just what makes Xie Lian come hardest, fucking him hard, but not rough, fast, but steadily until his whole body tightens like a bow string.
Xie Lian doesn’t silence himself when he comes, squeezing his eyes shut and crying out as he releases in ribbons over the blanket and Hua Cheng’s hand. He knows that the sight alone will probably be enough to finish Hua Cheng as well and before he’s even started to come down, Hua Cheng bites his shoulder and comes deep inside of him. He gives Xie Lian exactly what he wants, pumping his hips not to just go fuck him through the orgasm, but to chase his own pleasure as well.
“Yes, yes, San Lang,” Xie Lian pants, grinning as his own climax ebbs and he can focus more on the feel of Hua Cheng shivering against him. Spiritual power fills him to the brim, a pleasant warmth that seems to spread through his veins as soon as Hua Cheng spills inside of him. He feels boneless and out of breath in the best way possible.
Hua Cheng pulls out gently and holds his arms out, already anticipating it when Xie Lian rolls over and snuggles right into him.
Xie Lian buries himself against Hua Cheng’s chest and hugs tight, smiling as Hua Cheng holds him. “You have to forgive this silly husband of yours.”
“What is there to forgive?”
“I made such a fuss feeling guilty and hurting your feelings when I guess all I needed to do was tell you what was happening.” Xie Lian sighs at himself and looks up, pressing a kiss to Hua Cheng’s chin. “Thank you… for helping.”
“You can always talk to me, gege,” Hua Cheng says with a squeeze, his hand rubbing Xie Lian’s back as they lie in the afterglow. “Progress isn’t linear. You’ll have days where you feel more comfortable than others. Did you feel… pressured to dress differently because of the clothes I bought you?”
Xie Lian shakes his head. “No, I actually loved wearing what you got me. I… I like people knowing I’m yours.” He hides his face in Hua Cheng’s chest and feels the rumble of his husband’s laughter.
“You spoil this lowly one too much,” Hua Cheng teases, pressing kisses into Xie Lian’s hair. “Come. Let’s go bathe in the river, it’s good to spend time naked without it being sexual too, yes? Just be in your body.”
“Where do you get all of this wisdom about sex and love, San Lang?” Xie Lian teases, sitting up and pulling Hua Cheng with him. “Is there a naughty section of your library?”
Hua Cheng’s cheeks turn the slightest bit pink, but he grins nevertheless. “This one simply wishes to be… supportive. Research is helpful.”
Xie Lian snorts and gives his husband a playful shove before rising to his feet. He shivers at the soreness in his body, shifting from foot to foot in his discomfort. The river sounds divine right now — despite how much he loves for Hua Cheng to… finish in him, the aftermath is much less fun.
Hua Cheng folds their discarded clothes and leaves them on the blanket to retrieve later before standing, taking Xie Lian’s hand in his own and squeezing as he leads him away towards the water.
Xie Lian feels a little exposed, but he reminds himself of the arrays set up, of the privacy they have and finds that he really does enjoy this. It doesn’t feel wrong to be naked, even with another person, even outside. It’s just… his body. He especially doesn’t mind getting to so freely admire his husband in a state of undress either.
The water of the slow flowing river is cool on their skin and Xie Lian takes to clinging onto Hua Cheng like a koala bear as they stand in the middle of the stream. The water comes up to his shoulders and to Hua Cheng’s chest, making it easy for Hua Cheng to hold him up (as if he needs any help). He wraps his legs around Hua Cheng’s hips and giggles as they share kiss after kiss in the sunlight, letting the water wash away the evidence of their previous activity. Xie Lian feels sore in the best way now, the kind that comes from a hard day of work or training or fighting. Every touch of Hua Cheng’s cool lips erases another lingering crumb of anxiety until Xie Lian is boneless and content in his embrace.
“I love you,” Xie Lian says just because he can, combing his fingers through Hua Cheng’s long hair, keeping it out of his face, so he can press a chaste kiss against his eye patch. “Thanks for always being so… you know.” He glances away. “Helpful?”
“This one lives to serve,” Hua Cheng says and winks at him, which really only looks like a blink with one eye, and the two of them burst into laughter, Xie Lian peppering little kisses all over his eyepatch until Hua Cheng is blushing so fiercely, he almost looks sunburned. “I love you too,” he says with half a laugh, carefully setting Xie Lian back on his feet and giving him a kiss on the side of his nose. “If it would be… therapeutic, gege can always forgo his clothes in my presence from now on. I think it would be very confidence boosting.”
Xie Lian splashes him.