Work Text:
His body felt powerlessly weak. His head felt empty. He couldn't think. His body felt tired. His mind felt tired. He felt very tired.
Bleary, he looked around.
I have tried very hard to be able to stand where I stand now. I've been through everything to get to the point where I'm standing now. All the storms and cyclones of life, I’ve passed them smoothly. I have felt all the pain, hunger, loneliness, nights where I can't sleep because of tiredness.
But still it seems all of that is not enough.
I'm still wrong.
Everything I did was still not right.
What should I do?
I'm tired of fighting. I can no longer do anything. I can no longer afford to fight. My body is tired. My mind is tired.
His body fell to the floor. His breathing was heavy. He dropped his body and curled his body into a ball.
I don't want to do anything more.
He stretched his body and stared at the ceiling of the room that suddenly felt very far away. There was a screeching sound and he turned his head in the direction it came from. The phone in his hand rang loudly. He just stared at it silently without trying to open it.
He blinked his eyes slowly. The phone rang again, and again, and again. He tried to ignore it but it kept ringing. He looked up at the ceiling again and closed his eyes.
This is it.
I am tired.
~~~~
Namjoon picked up his phone and looked for a phone number from his phone list while biting his tongue and sticking it out between his lips a little. He smiled so broadly that dimples appeared in his cheeks when he found the name of the contact he wanted, and pressed the green phone image on his phone.
There was a dull constant sound for a while.
Namjoon hung up and tried to call again, but again despite the constant beeping on his phone, there was no sign of it being answered.
Once again he tried calling and the result was the same. But Namjoon didn't stop. As time went by something in his heart forced him not to give up, thus making him do it again and again.
"Maybe he's in the bathroom."
Namjoon didn't answer, barely paying attention to Yoongi who was busy with his own phone on the couch next to him, and for the umpteenth time he redialed the number he was calling. And his eyes lit up like a child who got the toy he wanted when finally the constant tone on his phone suddenly cut off and he connected. Namjoon smiled widely. He picked up his phone and leaned closer to Yoongi so his face also would be appeared on the screen.
"Jin?" Namjoon called cheerfully, but Jin's face didn't appear on the screen. Namjoon only saw a white wall and a lamp attached, which he then realized was the ceiling of Jin's living room.
Namjoon was silent when the image on the screen did not change. He waited for a few moments before finally stood up staring at his cellphone screen, hoping that the image would change and show the face of the person he was calling.
“Oh shit!” Yoongi cursed softly before finally standing up and running out of the room.
Namjoon quickly caught up with him, and they almost collided with Hoseok who was walking in at the exit of Namjoon's apartment, who without asking anything immediately followed them to the parking lot. Namjoon didn't protest when Yoongi drove the car like a madman, and Hoseok just gripped the handrail beside his head tightly in silence. His heart was beating fast, both from the worry that Yoongi would end up bumping into something when he lost his focus for even one second, and also from the worry about whatever happened to make his two friends rush so fast.
Hoseok widened his eyes and quickly covered his mouth with his free hand when he realized where Yoongi was driving his car. His tears threatened to well up no matter how hard he tried to hold them back.
Jin? Jin! What is going on? Jin. be fine, please.
When Yoongi stopped his car violently in the underground parking area of the apartment building, Hoseok jumped from the car even before the engine was turned off. He ran quickly towards the elevator with Namjoon and Yoongi right behind him.
“Jin! Open the door!”
"Jin, please!"
Namjoon and Hoseok banged on the door with all their might, hoping Jin would be annoyed by the sound, and quickly opened the door with his iconic grunt. But until a few moments, the door remained tightly closed.
Yoongi gritted his teeth and pushed Hoseok out of the way and quickly punched in the security code beside Jin's apartment entrance.
Even if Namjoon and Hoseok were surprised that Yoongi knew the security code to Jin's apartment door, they didn't say it. Inside their brains right now was that they were relieved that they finally got into Jin's apartment in the hope that they would soon find out what was going on.
When there was a long beep indicating the lock had opened, Hoseok pushed open the door and Namjoon dashed in quickly. He stopped right near Jin, who was lying flat on the floor like a starfish, with his eyes closed and not moving an inch. He dropped himself and knelt beside Jin.
“Jin…” Namjoon called softly.
Jin didn't move. He remained silent with his eyes closed. The three of them could clearly see that Jin was still breathing, something that made them involuntarily heave a sigh of relief, but he didn't move. Namjoon touched Jin's arm, but Jin still didn't open his eyes.
“Jin, please wake up. Open your eyes and look at me."
Jin remained motionless.
Hoseok looked at Yoongi and his heart seemed to stop beating when he saw the expression on Yoongi's face that hardened suddenly.
Something bad has happened. Yoongi looks really worried. Namjoon also looked uneasy. What has happened?
Hoseok looked around, and his gaze stopped at a point where the kitchen was. He stood up and walked quickly into the kitchen. He went straight to the stove, then he realized that Jin's stove was on. He cursed inside before quickly turning off Jin's stove, before then carefully checking all corners of the kitchen. He even pulled out the trash can under the sink and took it without hesitation to try to find anything suspicious, but found nothing. He finally decided to return to the living room.
Yoongi opened Jin's bathroom door roughly and headed straight for the medicine cabinet by the sink. He opened the cupboard door and carefully examined all the drugs that were in it. By closing his eyes he breathed heavily when he found all the medicines in Jin's medicine cabinet still intact. He then turned to the trash can and reached for it to take a closer look. He opened the trash can and examined its contents, and once again breathed a sigh of relief when he found nothing suspicious. He then came out of the bathroom and looked around Jin's bedroom, trying to find anything out of place, but he saw everything was normal. He again decided to go to the trash can in the corner of the room and check it out, and found nothing suspicious.
At least you're not trying to end your life.
Yoongi returned to the living room and found Namjoon who pulled Jin to sit and pulled him into his arms.
“Jin. Everything is alright. We're all here. Open your eyes."
Namjoon patted Jin's back gently.
"It's okay Jin. I got you tightly. You will be fine. You'll be fine."
Hoseok took Jin's hand and intertwined his fingers, squeezing them slightly, trying to tell Jin that he wasn't alone.
As a result, Jin's fingers moved slowly. His eyes opened lazily.
“... Joon.”
"Yes. it's me, Jin. relax. Don’t be tense. I got you. You don't need to worry. You'll be fine."
Jin blinked his eyes slowly.
" ... tired."
Namjoon smiled. "I know. We know, Jin. We got you. Don't worry. We are all here. You're not alone. We are here.”
Jin slowly blinked his eyes again.
"I'll take you to bed, okay, so you can rest comfortably."
Jin didn't respond but didn't rebel either. He remained silent as Namjoon slipped a hand under his knee and lift Jin easily into his arms. He carried Jin into his room and gently put him on the bed. Hoseok quickly lay down beside Jin and hugged him tightly, afraid that if he loosened his grip he would lose him. Namjoon got on the bed and also hugged Jin tightly. He closed his eyes and whispered comforting words in Jin's ear.
Yoongi just stood in the doorway and watched it all silently, before finally deciding to return to the living room and grab Jin's phone that was lying on the floor. Without hesitation he unfolded Jin's phone and found the last page Jin had accessed. In his social media inbox he found so many incoming messages. When he finally decided to open them, he gritted his teeth tightly.
"Why haven't you left for military service yet? Are you afraid something will happen to you? I didn't know you were such a coward."
“The service will make you a firm and strong person. Go. And make yourself a strong person so you don't act silly on stage anymore."
"If you don't leave for military service immediately, all the BTS members won't go either. All decisions are in your hands. Or maybe you really don't want to go? Because you feel you have done so much for this country?”
“Look at you who don't immediately leave for military service. Your parents must be embarrassed because they have a cowardly son like you.”
"You may indeed be credited with saving the economy of this country, but what does all that mean if you don't go to the army. Go, and serve this country properly.”
Yoongi kept scrolling the page and found similar messages almost filling up all of Jin's social media inboxes. He gripped Jin's phone tightly and dropped his butt hard on the couch. Frustratatingly he combed his hair with his fingers and then covered his face with his hands.
These people don’t know how to mind their own business.
Yoongi leaned his body against the back of the couch and suddenly felt very tired with all the facts that hit them. He had just closed his eyes when the doorbell rang loudly. He lazily got up and walked towards the door, and glanced at the camera screen beside the door to see who was outside and found the three youngest members joking happily there.
Yoongi quickly opened the door so that the three people outside were surprised and immediately stopped their jokes. They stared at each other for a moment, and when the three people standing outside the door saw the sharp look on Yoongi's hardened face, they quickly burst into the room and raced to reach Jin's bedroom.
Half jumping, Jungkook threw himself on Jin's bed, making Namjoon immediately rolled himself over to save himself from the onslaught of their youngest member and got off the bed. Jungkook immediately grabbed Jin and hugged him tightly. Jimin pulled Hoseok and took his place before Taehyung pressed himself behind him and gripped Jin's fingers tightly.
Namjoon stepped out of Jin's bedroom and gritted his teeth tightly as his gaze met Yoongi who was clutching Jin's phone tightly. "About military service?"
Yoongi didn't answer but Namjoon didn't need words to answer his question either.
Namjoon dropped his butt on the couch beside Yoongi and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.
“When are these people going to let us live our own lives comfortably? Don't they have more important things to do besides meddling with our lives?”
Yoongi still remained silent, and once again Namjoon didn't need him to say anything. He already knew all the answers to all his questions.