Chapter Text
Nightmares were not unusual for Raph, he tended to have them more nights than not. Sometimes they differed but often they repeated. He would dream about Shredder shattering Donnie’s shell, the softshell being reduced to gore and viscera because Raph was too late to cover him. Or the Kraang tearing Mikey apart, ripping his limbs off effortlessly as if he were a children's toy. On the worst nights, he would dream of himself strangling the life out of Leo as his little brother begged him to stop.
But This was a new one. The first thing that tipped him off was his awareness. He immediately knew he was dreaming though it brought him no comfort nor did it jolt him awake. Instead He was in an endless black space, not floating but standing on something solid, cold and smooth under his feet. He opened his mouth to speak but not a sound came out. He tried to move but was unable to even blink. There was only black, suffocating his very being with a weight he could almost feel on his skin. The dark cling to him, thick and sticky with hate.
For a moment he wondered if this was what the dream was going to be; just him alone in endless darkness. It wouldn’t be the first time he deamt of being alone. He had lived out lifetimes in dreams alone wandering the sewers with no family to be found. This would just be a different kind of alone. A visceral feeling of black that embodied the nothingness he felt.
“Oh, hello there, little turtle,” a voice broke through the darkness. If Raph could move, he might have turned, but the voice was all around as if it was a part of the black. “I’ll admit when I was looking for the firstborn I wasn’t expecting this, but you’ll do.” The voice was warm, gentle. It almost reminded him of Big Mama and her honey-sweet lies but with a rasp and an accent Raph couldn’t place. It was encompassing, filling the space entirely instead of coming from a single source.
Raph again tried to speak but made no sound. If the voice in the dark noticed his attempt they ignored it.
“Let’s learn a bit about you before we get started, hmm?” The voice said and Raph was filled with a feeling of dread. Every fiber of his being was screaming to run, to fight, to wake up because something bad was going to happen.
He was right.
For the second time in his life, Raph felt someone forcing their way into his memories.
When the Kraang went into his mind it was a violent act. It was tentacles invading, violating and they tore apart his thoughts and memories to find what they were looking for. It had hurt. It was an experience that often made an appearance in Raph’s nightmares and left him waking up choking on nothing.
This wasn’t that. Instead of someone ripping through his brain it felt more like his thoughts and memories were a book that someone was flipping through. It was almost gentle, like whoever was looking through his thoughts didn’t want to hurt him, but still terrifying to have his privacy invaded again. Especially since the last time had led to the discovery of the lair by the Kraang and the almost death of April and Splinter.
As the person flipped through the pages of Raph’s memories he saw them too. Everything from a memory of playing video games with Mikey to the terrifying moment when he believed Leo to be stuck in the prison dimension. It felt wrong, to have his mind intruded by a touch that is almost kind. He lost track of how many thoughts he looked through before the voice returned.
“A lot to work with here. A big brother, a hero, a protector you carry quite a bit on your shoulders. Would be a shame to have you waste away for nothing,” the voice continued and although Raph heard the words he couldn’t quite understand them, the sounds washing over him but the meaning just out of reach.
“I’ll offer you a kindness and Let you pick your curse then. Tell me turtle, you are your brother’s shield aren’t you?”
That finally registered and Raph tried to speak or nod but was unable to do either. The voice hummed as if in thought.
“And if you could take on all their pain would you?”
Finally Raph felt his throat clear up just enough to rasp out a desperate. “Yes.” Of course he would. It was his job, what he had been trying to do for years. He would always play the role of shield, take the hits, whatever it took to keep his brothers safe.
“I wonder how long it will take you to resent them for it,” the voice said and before Raph could fully unpack that sentence the voice spoke again, louder. It wasn’t just coming from all around him but from inside him loud enough that it seemed to vibrate through his very bones.
“Raphael Hamato, for the sins of your fathers, I curse you to be your brother's shield, to shoulder their pain and their wounds, until the day it kills you.”