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Everyone in the room knew what discovery of this symbiont would mean. There was no mercy for aliens. They would rip the symbiont from Adira, not caring if it killed them or not. An “alien parasite”, that was what they called the Trill symbionts and the discovery that the symbiont could attach to a human would be seen as reason to destroy Trill. Adira didn’t know the planet from their own memories but Tal knew it, Tal loved it. Adira was a terran but they held the memories of Kasha and Cara and Jovar and Madela and Senna and-
They stopped themself. If they started thinking of Gray they would bawl their eyes out and that was dangerous here. Instead, they palmed a syringe filled with a new nanobot dispersed toxin they had refined. Even if it was somehow injected into Adira, the nanobots had been programmed not to release the toxin in the presence of Adira’s DNA. They hadn’t released the specs to anyone, not even Command. This could earn them an instant promotion, skyrocketing them up the ranks, but they knew that if they released the details, it wouldn’t be long before everyone was using it, everyone would use it to wipe each other out. Command would authorise its release against the whole of Trill. They’d all… they’d all die because of Adira. Adira wasn’t opposed to murder. They’d killed enough to get onto an Imperial ship and they’d killed enough to stay there. But now, waiting for the results of this medical scan,they would have to kill again. The deaths of an Imperial physician and scientist would garner considerable attention. They would have to pull their nanobots back out of the bodies before anyone else could reach them. They would have to move fast. Why Stamets was in the Medbay beside Culber, Adira had their suspicions. Adira had never seen a terran couple before but there was no mistaking the ease they had around each other. That silent language they couldn’t decipher, those threats between them that seemed more like flirting, the easy spin of Culber’s scalpel. Who the fuck still used a scalpel in this century?
“Hang on…” Culber frowned, “this doesn’t…”
Adira made their move, their hand flicking out, right at Culber’s jugular. If they could take out Culber first then they might have a fighting chance against Stamets and-
They found their wrist caught in a vice-like grip. The syringe was pried from their grip by pale fingers and ice cold eyes met theirs.
“Adira,” Stamets’ voice was cold but not the dangerous permafrost they’d heard before from his true anger. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
Adira stifled their fear, setting their jaw defiantly. They fought every childish instinct to shout as Stamets handed off the result of years of work in the syringe to Culber who took it carefully.
“I like you, kid, but don’t threaten my partner again,” Stamets’ voice was surprisingly low.
“I’m not a kid,” they mumbled and Culber and Stamets exchanged a look.
“Your call,” Stamets said to Culber.
Culber held up the syringe and tapped the side a few times.
“I think you were right, darling, they are brilliant,” Culber said easily, “nanobots?”
His question was directed to Adira for the first time and they found a surprising smile in his eyes.
“Um…”
They didn’t want to give away their secrets but it seemed Stamets and Culber had already found out.
“Paul, let their wrist go,” Culber said simply and Adira felt that pressure on their wrist lessen.
“Integrating your own DNA sequence into the self-recognition and dispersal system must have taken considerable time,” Stamets pointed out, “especially given that you’ve managed to keep your DNA off terran records until now. Trust me, I know how hard that is.”
“It took three years of work so if you don’t mind, I’d like it back,” Adira snapped and Stamets and Culber exchanged yet another look they couldn’t read.
“You’re what, seventeen?” Stamets raised an eyebrow.
“Sixteen.” They shot back. They were the youngest terran ever accepted into the Imperial Science Division.
“They’re sixteen,” Culber bumped Stamets’ arm.
“Shut up.” Stamets said easily, “and you were what, seventeen?”
Stamets’ voice was uncharacteristically light and Culber nodded.
“Wait… you were seventeen and Medical Track?” Adira couldn’t help themself. That was unheard of. They knew Culber was good, but this was brilliance beyond reckoning. Then they looked at Stamets and saw the same grim recognition between him and Culber.
“You were both seventeen?” Their voice was close to a startled whisper.
“Seems they’ve started picking younger,” Culber said simply, “we were… deeply unusual. No one was even allowed on a terran Starship under eighteen.”
Another one of those indecipherable looks.
“Adira,” Stamets said eventually, “you shouldn’t be on this ship.”
Protective anger and fear flared up, “no. I have to be. I passed every test. You don’t get to-“
Culber held up a hand, “he means that no kid should be on this ship, no one is doubting your abilities.” A pause, a heavy, terran, pause. “Why do you want to be here?”
Gray
They couldn’t say that. Culber may have seen the scans but the truth about Gray was far closer to treason.
“Um… I want more power and-“
“Bullshit,” Stamets cut them off, “you’re just as bad a liar as me.”
Adira felt their cheeks flame red.
Their eyes flashed to where Culber’s fingers still deftly twirled that scalpel.
They’d already tried to kill Culber, they didn’t want to test their luck but which answer would be a more certain death, Adira didn’t know.
“Um… I was trying to help my boyfriend.” They said eventually and Culber and Stamets shared yet another silent look. Adira couldn’t read the intricacies of its meaning but they could glean the simplest meaning, recognition.
“There’s another kid here?” Stamets’ brow furrowed and Adira swallowed.
Part of them felt like they could trust these two despite how illogical this was.
“Look, Adira,” Culber said slowly, “trust buys trust.”
Adira knew an olive branch when they saw one… even if they really hated olives.
“He… died… last year.” Adira said slowly, “and… I want to bring him back.”
Another flash between Stamets and Culber. A silent conversation, longer this time.
A few words between them punctuated the silence.
“We should-“
“This isn’t like…”
“I know that.”
“Different?”
“Probably.”
It would be incredibly endearing if it weren’t so frustrating and also between two of the most dangerous people in the empire. Adira’s life hung in the balance and yet they could breathe.
Something in the few words Stamets and Culber had spoken gave a deeper meaning to those looks of recognition. How far down the same roads had they walked?
"Was he an empire kid?" Culber asked and Adira shook their head. At least they hadn't been forced to lie about that.
"Good," Culber nodded. "You done analysing that?"
It took Adira a moment to clock that Culber had directed the question at Stamets, having never broken eye contact with them.
"Just as I suspected… it's genius in its design, and deadly." Stamets placed Adira’s syringe back in Culber’s palm. There was something strangely intimate to the way Culber kept his back turned to Stamets, trusting him enough to not stab him in the back.
And Stamets had called their work genius… that sent a strange sense of pride through Adira.
Still…
“Look, can I just have my nanobots back? And delete the scans please,” they said, reaching for the syringe Culber was holding.
Culber pulled his arm out of reach. “I can’t just wipe your DNA from the system like that,” he said. “It’s not as simple as you might think.”
Panic clawed at Adira’s chest. “You have to. I can’t- I can’t let…” They set their jaw firmly. “You have to,” they repeated in a more aggressive manner.
“Hiding something?” said Stamets, raising his eyebrows in a challenge.
Adira hesitated for too long. Culber turned around and looked closer at the scan, showing Stamets what he saw.
“Ah I see… you’re carrying a symbiote,” said Stamets evenly.
“Yes, I am,” Adira confirmed, figuring if the truth was out, not much more harm could be done at this point.
"That's… unusual… bordering on heretical in its violation of terran purity," Stamets seemed to almost sneer at those last few words.
“A little heresy never hurts the soul,” Adira said, venturing to make a joke that they had heard Gray make once.
To their surprise, they got twin amused smiles from both Stamets and Culber.
They were more and more getting the creeping suspicion that Stamets and Culber had some heresy of their own. It wasn't enough to trust but it made the odds better.
"Never be ashamed of who you are," Stamets’ voice jolted Adira from their thoughts. "Shame is the enemy of strength."
That wasn’t a terran ideal, or at the very least not a terran phrasing of it. It implied that it was okay to be who you were without compromise or façades.
“Adira, why do you have a Trill symbiont?” Culber asked, “this shouldn’t even be possible. Did someone force you to take it or-“
“No.” Adira cut him off before realising how much of a bad idea that could be. They understood why Culber might be so concerned; a Trill symbiont contained the memories of all the hosts and having the memories of a terran could provide an in for Trill to exploit terran weaknesses. Yet… why would Culber be concerned on their behalf?
“I uh… I chose to take it,” Adira said, praying to whatever terrans were supposed to pray to that Culber didn’t ask why.
No such luck. Culber’s eyes narrowed and Adira could see exactly why he was so feared. They could see a capacity for cruelness there but also behind that cold exterior, something deep feeling lurked.
“Adira Tal, that is your name, correct?” Culber asked, his voice low and dangerous.
How Culber knew Trill naming conventions Adira didn’t know. How many Trill had Culber tortured or killed?
“Yes.”
“Why do you have a Trill symbiont?”
Adira set their jaw and committed to remaining silent. Had the brief friendliness earlier been a pretence to get Adira to let their guard down? If so, it had worked and Adira cursed themself.
“Hugh…” Stamets’ voice was soft, surprisingly soft.
Another look between the two of them.
“If we stick our necks out for them… if I do…”
“I know.”
Adira was getting concerned by these partial conversations. They couldn’t quite read how Stamets and Culber felt about them and that was dangerous. It all seemed dangerous
“Maybe I should just leave…” Adira said quietly, trying to back up. Stamets grabbed their upper arm and pulled them back to where they had been standing, but not roughly, then shot a challenging look towards Culber.
“Leave and your symbiont stays on record. Your choice.”
Adira swallowed and desperately hoped the fear wasn’t visible on their face. “What do you want from me? I could easily kill you,” they said, drawing a knife on Culber, who didn’t even flinch.
“Nice try kid,” said Stamets, moving so quickly that Adira didn’t even know what had happened until they realised Stamets was pointing their own knife at them. He then handed it off to Culber, who took it and stored it out of sight.
Great. Now they were completely weaponless.
“We’re not against you, Adira,” said Culber, a touch of gentleness in his voice. “We’re on the same side.”
“You’re terran,” they snapped. This had to be a manipulation.
“Terran isn’t synonymous with heartless,” Stamets scoffed.
Adira’s next comment died in their throat as they faltered.
"Okay, maybe it is, but not all the time." Stamets sighed after a raised eyebrow from Culber. He was strangely awkward when he wasn't threatening them.
Adira frowned.
Stamets rolled his eyes and huffed, "fuck this, we're adopting you."
“Paul,” said Culber firmly. A challenge.
“No. How about we all drop our pretentious facades, okay? I’m just going to tell the truth.” Adira was amazed at how Stamets hadn’t gotten a knife to his throat by now. “We’ve both been keeping tabs on you.”
That confirmed what they had suspected but they were completely stunned. Adopting? What the hell was Stamets playing at?
“You’re a kid genius. Of course you were going to catch our attention eventually. So we kept tabs on you, and know how long you’ve been working on your nanobots. We just didn’t realise how advanced it was.”
“How did-” Adira tried to ask how the fuck the two were able to keep an eye on them, but Stamets just never stopped his ramble.
“Frankly, it’s concerning that you’re so young on this ship. You’re a very talented kid-”
“Would you quit calling me a kid?”
“-and while you clearly have the ability to hold your own, it won’t last forever. It’s dangerous, especially if you’re carrying a symbiote.” He shared a look with Culber, whose expression had softened up a little. “If it hadn’t been us that came across your scan…”
Adira’s chest tightened again. He was right. Had it been anyone else, if they didn’t have the compassion that they buried deep inside of them… it could have ended badly.
“Adira. We want to help,” said Culber, stepping forward. Adira fought their instincts to take a step back and stood still. They just hoped this wasn’t some kind of twisted game.
“How am I supposed to trust anything that you say? You have all the leverage over me.”
“You have leverage over us too,” said Culber with an easy shrug. “You’ve seen the level of trust we have for each other, and surely you’ve figured out what that means. Relationships are dangerous to reveal to anyone. Maybe you should consider that letting our guard down was a show of trust towards you?”
Adira felt their chest clench in memory of Gray.
"Or a manipulation," Adira pointed out and Stamets rolled his eyes.
"Hugh, remind me why I would manipulate a literal child?"
“I’m not a fucking child,” they snapped.
“Language,” Culber chided in a way that simply perplexed Adira. Adira caught the corners of Stamets' mouth curling up in amusement.
"Fine. Remind me why I would manipulate a tween menace."
"That's worse!"
“It’s one or the other. Your choice.”
"Do you even know the definition of tween, I'm…" they tailed off as they caught a barely stifled laugh from Culber. Damn… they'd never seen him laugh before and this was vaguely disturbing.
"You two are commiting treason and I have a squid… today is weird," Adira mumbled under their breath.
Clearly not quietly enough.
"Define treason."
Adira narrowed their eyes, "anyone who says define treason is either a law instructor or committing treason."
Culber raised an eyebrow, "is that an accusation?"
"Nope," Adira said quickly, "just a completely unrelated statement."
Something still bothered Adira though. “Why do you want to help me? Surely being smart isn’t the only reason.”
“Because this genius saw himself in you,” said Culber, bumping Stamets’ arm, “and decided you were worth his time.” Adira saw the fondness in both of their eyes.
The way Culber could switch from the cold, sadistic Emperor’s physician, to whatever this softer version was... Adira didn't know which version was real but Stamets clearly seemed to like this side. Equally, they knew one wrong step could always take them off the cliff.
"Why did you see yourself in me?" Adira couldn't help themself asking.
Stamets and Culber exchanged a look and Stamets hesitated for a moment. There was a moment when Adira thought he might not answer. Then he sighed.
"Because you're brilliant, you were brought in too young and… you love someone… someone you probably shouldn't but do anyway…"
Oh.
Oh…
“Am I right?” he asked.
Adira nodded. How Stamets knew was beyond them but right now they were putting all their energy into not crying.
"Oh kid," Stamets whispered and something in his expression told Adira that he knew Gray was dead.
Culber sighed, "your partner… it was their symbiont, right?"
Adira clammed up. They didn't know if it was from self preservation or not wanting to risk emotions spilling over.
"Adira Tal, we're not going to hurt you," Culber said and Adira could hear those hidden notes. By using that full Trill name, Culber was speaking not only to Adira but to Tal too.
"Gray." Adira said tightly. "His name was Gray."
They met Stamets' and then Culber’s eyes, challenging them to condemn.
Instead, softness and understanding.
"Gray," Culber said with a small nod.
Adira watched as Culber and Stamets exchanged another silent conversation before Culber nodded and his fingers moved deftly along the console and, for a moment, Adira panicked if he was reporting the, then they were as good as dead and Tal- Gray-
“It’s deleted,” Culber said in a low voice and Adira exhaled but only a little.
“What do you want in exchange?” They asked, trying not to sound afraid. They wanted to trust Stamets and Culber but no terran survived trust.
Stamets and Culber exchanged a look barely long enough for Adira’s anxiety to ratchet up.
Stamets shook his head, "I know what it's like to… I don't want anything from you, Adira…"
"You're terran." Adira argued and Culber gave them a look strangely gentle for the renowned imperial physician.
"Are we?"
Adira inhaled sharply. That was treason. Their eyes suddenly lighted on something, the data chip Culber had at his work station wasn't a standard medical chip. It was a shuttle access key. Stamets must have caught their eyeline and just gave a silent, subtle, nod. Confirmation.
They were planning to leave. Suddenly Adira’s chest felt tight. If Stamets and Culber were leaving, what did that mean for Adira? For Gray?
They chided themself, when had they started to get attached? There was no guarantee Stamets or Culber would want to let alone be able to help. Knowing them for only a few minutes didn’t mean anything.
And yet… Stamets' earlier words echoed. His recognition when they'd said they wanted to bring Gray back…
What kind of fucked up science did these two have?
"Who came back?" They gambled the question and Stamets narrowed his eyes.
They expected him to answer but instead, Culber spoke, a hand drifting to touch his neck, almost like a subconscious movement.
"If you bring Gray back, he might not be the same." Culber's voice was low but a strange undertone of empathy there.
Not the same?
"I have to try," Adira insisted, "and I'll find a way. You have no idea what I can do!"
"I want you to live long enough to find out," Stamets cut in, "believe me, I understand doing everything you can to the point you are blinded by it, but you screw this up and it can kill you." There was a harshness to his tone.
"That's being terran," Adira pointed out.
"You're better than that," Stamets said, stunning Adira into silence for a moment.
Culber’s hand was still on his neck and Stamets clearly noticed because he just gently touched a hand to Culber’s and Culber exhaled, his hand dropping down. What had happened to them?
Oh
Stamets had experience bringing someone back. Culber’s hands bore far fewer scars than any terran's Adira had seen before. Stamets couldn't stop himself from looking at Culber. Culber touched his neck like it was haunted.
"You-" they couldn't get the words out but Culber tilted his head as if he knew. "You were…"
"Say it." There was a challenge to Culber's voice but a gentleness too.
"You died…"
The silence gave Adira their answer and the confidence to continue. "You died and now you're planning to leave and…"
They tailed off as Culber’s hand twitched at his side.
"Plans change," Culber said quietly, "and we're not leaving without Gray, I promise."
Adira's eyes went wide.
"We?"
Stamets and Culber exchanged a look before linking their hands.
"Us, you, Gray." Stamets said with utter certainty, "now, tell me about Trill souls."