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Mika couldn't stop staring at Shu.
Not that there was anything unusual about that. Shu was the most beautiful person in the world, after all. Why would Mika bother looking at anyone else, when perfection was right in front of him? It'd be a waste of the time he could spend gazing at Shu’s body. A waste of the time he could spend imagining how Shu's skin would feel against his.
Ah, and that was the problem.
Mika had always occasionally wondered about this. But it had never been this bad before. It was almost unbearable now. He couldn't look at Shu's fingers, slender and delicate, without imagining them wrapped around his wrist. He couldn't see the soft arch of Shu’s lips, plush and warm, without thinking about how they would feel around his cock.
It wasn't fair.
Mika groaned, pulling his knees up to his chest, the water of the bathtub rippling and splashing. His phone was perched on the edge of the tub. A dangerous game, to be sure, but he had it open to a picture of Shu, one of their magazine shoots, and as he stared back at Shu’s stern gaze, he could feel the heat rising in him again. He exhaled softly. Slipping his hand beneath the water, he stroked his fingertips lightly along his erect shaft. It seemed his nights ended like this more often than not nowadays. He leaned forward, face flushed, trying to imagine that it was Shu's hand, and not his own, making him feel so good. If Shu knew what Mika was doing now, what would he say? Would he scold Mika, chastise him for being dirty? Or would he praise him for caring for himself? It was impossible to pick what he'd prefer, but the contrasting images in his imagination were enough to push him over the edge, and he bit down on his bottom lip to keep from crying out. He wouldn't want to risk waking Ritsu up, after all.
It was a mere fleeting moment of ecstasy, though, and Mika leaned back with a defeated sigh, letting his body relax as he closed his eyes. He couldn't take it much longer. He wanted more. He needed more. He opened his eyes, looking again at the picture on his phone. But it had to be Shu. Nobody else would do. Nobody else owned Mika body and soul the way Shu did.
For a brief moment, Mika thought about calling Shu, telling him what he wanted. But Shu thought such things were disgusting. In fact, he was shocked into silence any time he had to confront something sexual. He wouldn't even fully acknowledge the existence of Mika's gravure photoshoots. There was no way Shu would want to do anything like that with him. Mika got out of the tub, watching the water swirl down the drain. He wondered if he should feel guilty. No, that would be ridiculous. There was nothing wrong with what he desired. It was just a touch unfortunate that it involved someone who would never want the same.
Mika picked up his phone, looking through his messages. Shu would be returning to Japan the day after tomorrow, and for once, Mika didn't feel an overwhelming excitement - just dread. It would be the first time he was in Shu's physical presence ever since he’d started to desire him all the time. Mika shook his head. Well, he'd just have to find some way to deal with it. He always had his imagination, after all.
Oh, it was so much worse than Mika thought it would be.
He'd forgotten how intoxicating being in Shu's presence was. The moment Mika met those steely lavender eyes, he felt himself go weak in the knees. Even though they soon lit up with a gentle smile, Mika couldn't help but think about how commanding they looked whenever Shu scolded him. And so, he didn't respond to Shu's question right away, a distracted smile on his face, which only made Shu lay a hand on his shoulder, which only made Mika's thoughts wander, wayward, even more - an endless feedback loop that left him hungrier than ever before. Why did the most innocent of gestures suddenly seem so enticing?
Mika sat next to Shu in the back of the cab, one of the bags in his lap, dazed. He had to avoid looking at Shu, and so he wasn't aware of the worried gaze cast his way. He helped bring the bags upstairs to Shu’s dorm room, still trying to keep his eyes averted, and so it came as a shock when he felt a light touch on his arm from behind. He jumped, and Shu huffed in annoyance.
"Kagehira, is something wrong?" He questioned. Despite how critical he sounded, he seemed genuinely concerned.
Mika shook his head, eyes wide. "Um- n-nope, Oshi-san! Nothin' at all. I'm just feelin' a lil' tired. So I'm gonna go lay down an’ take a nap, if that's okay with ya." He laughed nervously, and Shu frowned.
"Of course it's okay. Go rest. I'll be down there in a little bit to check on you."
"Um, ya don't gotta do that! Actually, it might annoy Ritsu-kun, 'cause he's been a lil' weird about that stuff lately, so it's prolly better if you don't." Mika waved his hands, and Shu groaned, aggravated.
"Fine. Just send me a message when you feel better, then."
Mika practically ran downstairs, crawling under the blankets, immediately slipping his hand into his pants. He was almost frenzied, light-headed, and he never came faster. He rolled onto his back, closing his eyes and laying an arm over them.
"Oshi-san…" he murmured softly. "Ah, I'm really in trouble now, ain't I…"
Evening came, and Mika informed Shu that he was feeling much better, actually. No matter how hard it was to be around Shu, Mika didn't want to deprive himself of their time together. He drew in a deep, calming breath. Surely masturbating twice would have gotten out all of that energy, right? They could enjoy a quiet evening together.
He heard a knock on the door. "Kagehira," Shu's voice called out. "May I come in?"
Mika swallowed the nervous lump in his throat. "Y-yeah! Come on in."
The door opened, and Shu appeared, a bag in hand. "Ah, you do look like you're doing better. I was worried earlier." He stepped inside and closed the door. "I had been planning to go to dinner with you tonight, but since you said you aren't very hungry, I figured I would just bring some fruit instead. There was a stand nearby with quite an appealing selection." He set the bag down on the coffee table. "Ritsu-kun is gone for the evening?"
Mika nodded. "Yeah. I guess Knights decided to go join a sudden Live out of town, so he just left." This was a slight lie. The Live had been planned for months, and Ritsu had left yesterday night. Mika just hoped Shu didn't talk about it with Izumi, or else he’d know Mika had lied earlier about Ritsu not wanting him around.
"If that's the case, I may stay here tonight so I can care for you. Ritsu-kun gave me permission a while ago to sleep in his bed if I ever needed to watch you while he’s away."
Mika froze. It was one thing to have a small dinner visit. It would be another thing entirely to have Shu sleeping in the same room the entire night, just the two of them. It wasn't until he heard Shu clear his throat that Mika realized he'd been silent for a beat too long.
"Hm, I guess you still aren't feeling totally okay. That settles it, then. I’ll stay down here."
Shu sat down on the couch next to Mika, who gripped his knees tightly. The bag rustled as Shu took out the fruit he'd brought. Brilliant red strawberries, shimmering cubes of melon, and shiny purple grapes. Mika's favorites. He'd already cut everything into bite-sized pieces. As usual, everything he did was conscientious.
"Here." He held the strawberries towards Mika. "You're partial to strawberry, so all of these are for you."
Mika had a sudden vision of Shu popping one of the strawberries into Mika's mouth, and his cheeks turned red. He took the box with a shaking hand. "Th-Thank you." Shu gave him a confused look, but said nothing.
Somehow, he managed to eat a few bites without choking. Then, Shu spoke once more. "Oh, hold on a moment. I have a gift for you as well, but I forgot it upstairs. Let me go fetch it."
He disappeared, leaving Mika in silence. But a few moments later, he heard a buzzing. Shu's phone on the coffee table, receiving a slew of messages from Izumi about their hotel. Mika's eyes widened. No, if Shu saw those, he would know Mika had lied. Panicking, Mika grabbed the phone. He'd just have to delete them. He'd helped Shu set up his phone, so he knew the password. He punched it in as fast as he could, making a frustrated noise when he messed it up twice. But when the screen finally unlocked, he nearly dropped the phone in shock.
The gallery was open. To a picture of Mika. A picture of Mika from one of his erotic photoshoots. Mika stared at it, his mouth open. This one was from a few months ago, so why was Shu looking at it now? Knowing he shouldn’t, but unable to resist his curiosity, Mika went to look at the full gallery. Shu had an entire album of his pictures saved.
So stunned was Mika that he didn't even register the door opening behind him. "Kagehira, I'm back-"
Mika yelped, dropping the phone back on the table with a loud clatter. "O-Oshi-san! Hi! I, uh, missed ya!"
Shu was standing in the doorway, a box in hand, eyebrows raised. "What on earth is that reaction? Did you need my phone for something?" He went to pick it up, saw what was on the screen, and promptly froze, the box falling from nerveless fingers to the floor. His face was as red as the strawberries.
"K-Kagehira- I-"
"Um…" was the only sound Mika could bring himself to say. Shu made a strange noise, like a choking animal.
"I, uh, c- I can explain?" He phrased it more like a question, and when Mika finally dared to look up at Shu, he saw how hopeless and miserable he looked now that his secret was revealed.
Mika licked his dry lips, and swallowed hard. "Um, d-do ya like my pictures after all?" he finally dared to say.
Shu attempted to look at him, then flinched, settling for the floor instead. "...yes," he whispered.
They were both silent for a while, and then Mika let out a relieved sigh. "Well, that's good. I thought you thought they were disgustin' an' immoral. An' not a good representation o' Valkyrie, or somethin' like that." Shu had wrapped his arms around himself, nervous. Mika hated to see him like this. "Um- if ya want, I'll forget I ever saw that," he said, trying to be reassuring.
"No-" Shu broke in hurriedly. "You don't have to."
Quiet descended between them once more. The phone screen timed out into darkness. Would Shu feel better if Mika revealed the truth of how he was feeling, if he knew Mika had similar thoughts? At this point, the situation couldn't get much worse. "Um, Oshi-san, can I tell ya somethin' about those pictures?" Shu nodded silently, and Mika continued, twisting his hands together in his lap. "Whenever I do a shoot like that, I think o' you. It makes it a lot easier to get the mood they want. I was always hopin' you'd come to like 'em someday. But I figured you never would. Since you seemed to find 'em so gross."
"You think of me?" Shu choked out, and Mika nodded stiffly.
"Um, yeah. Actually, the whole reason I've been actin' this way since ya got back - well, actually, nevermind. I shouldn't tell you this. It's way too improper. Forget I said anythin'."
"You can tell me. I- I won't judge you. We're adults, after all. We can talk about this," Shu said haltingly.
Mika stared at Shu, who was still staring at the floor, petrified to look Mika's way. How could he phrase this in a way that would keep Shu from having a heart attack? "Um- Oshi-san- I want you. That way, you know."
The ensuing silence was punctuated only by the soft sounds of their breathing. Shu's face was pale. Had he understood what Mika meant, his emphasis? Surely he had, right? Or else, why would he look so terrified?
"Kagehira, I can't do that with you."
"Why not?" Mika asked. He tried not to sound hurt.
"I just- ugh. I can't do it- I can't. Not with anyone."
He sounded tiny and defeated, and Mika saw his eyes flick down to the phone. Mika hesitated before he answered.
"Are you scared?"
"Don't be ridiculous, why would I be scared-"
"I mean, maybe I'm wrong, but ya seem at least a lil' curious, right?" Mika swallowed once more, his mouth dry. Should he continue? Well, it was too late now. They both knew what the other had been hiding. "Oshi-san. Will you try with me? Please? Let me show you what it's like. You don't have to," he added hurriedly, "and we can stop any time. But- I'd-" he looked up at Shu shyly from beneath his lashes. "I'd really like to try. I literally can't stop thinking about, um, you an' me. It's drivin' me crazy."
Shu looked at Mika for a long time, conflicted. And then, hesitantly, he sat next to him. "I- well, I would be lying if I said I didn't think about you. I have those pictures saved for a reason. Nothing - um, erotic - has ever made me feel this way before. Until I saw you in those photoshoots. But I'm not even brave enough to, um, to touch myself. So I don’t know anything." His face was red once more with intense embarrassment.
Mika drew closer to Shu, then quite suddenly grabbed his hands, leaning in to press a kiss to Shu’s lips. Shu made a noise of surprise, but he didn't pull away. He’s so soft, Mika thought. He had to be the one to break them apart, staring at Shu with a hungry expression. "Um- if ya don't wanna do it now, that's fine, but since Ritsu-kun's gone…"
"No time like the present, right?" Shu answered with an unsteady, nervous laugh, but he shivered. "Okay. We can."
A smile danced on Mika’s face. The unexpected was coming true. He guided Shu to sit with his back against the arm of the couch, and leaned in to steal another kiss. He wasted no time at all, pulling Shu’s shirt off. He'd seen Shu shirtless plenty of times before, whenever they got dressed in their costumes, but now it was as if Mika was seeing him in a whole new light. He ran his hands over Shu's chest, feeling the way his partner shuddered beneath his touch. Mika slid his hands down to Shu’s pants, tugging them down and discarding them on the floor. He started to pull off his own shirt, but Shu stopped him.
"W-wait. Let me, at least." He took Mika's wrist, pulling him closer. When he took Mika's shirt off, he drew in a deep breath, pausing to brush his fingertips lightly along Mika’s face, through his hair. He tried to remove Mika's pants next, but his hands were trembling so badly with nerves, Mika instead gently took over.
Mika leaned in, laying his head on Shu’s shoulder and letting his breath tickle against Shu's neck. He inhaled the floral scent of Shu’s favorite soap, something he'd long ago committed to memory. "Lemme know if ya wanna stop. Okay?" Shu nodded slightly, his breath catching in his throat.
Mika trailed kisses down Shu's body, exploring him with his hands, every touch he made reverent, hoping he could dispel the tension between them. Shu closed his eyes and leaned his head back, exhaling softly. Mika pushed his legs apart gently. He was happy to see that Shu was already hard, and as Mika laid his fingers against Shu's cock, he heard a sharp intake of breath. Slowly, carefully, he pressed his lips to the tip, before taking Shu fully into his mouth.
Mika heard Shu gasp, felt his entire body tense up. He sucked slowly and gently, wanting him to enjoy the feeling without being overwhelmed. Yes, there was a certain pleasure he gained, hearing the soft noises of surprise and pleasure Shu was making. This was what Mika, only Mika, could do for his beloved Shu. He was on this Earth to make Shu happy, after all.
He paused, opening his eyes to look up. Shu's hands were in front of his face, as if wanting to hide himself from the shameful act he was participating in. Mika sat up, taking Shu's hands in his and entwining their fingers together as he pulled them away to reveal his face, flushed red and sweating. He kissed Shu once more, tender and warm. He could feel Shu trembling against him. "Do you want me to keep goin'?" Mika asked gently.
"Yes," Shu murmured. Mika nodded and released his hands, running his tongue along Shu's length before beginning to suck again. This time, Mika massaged his tongue against Shu's cock, and he heard Shu hiss. He involuntarily grabbed Mika’s head, fingers pulling on his hair.
"Oh, god- Mika-"
His hair being pulled hurt a little, but Mika decided he liked this feeling. He started to suckle a little faster, growing demanding. He would be the first person to make Shu cum. It was only right. He could hear Shu's breathing growing more strained, more desperate.
"Mika, Mika- please - don't stop," Shu groaned. Mika's name was a litany on his lips. He was so close, Mika could tell even if this was new to them, and he was insistent until, suddenly, he heard Shu let out a strangled cry, his back arching, and tasted the bitter warmth of Shu’s cum on his tongue. Mika swallowed it with a little shiver of pleasure, before licking all along Shu's cock, cleaning him up. Shu hated a mess, after all.
Then, he pushed himself up on his knees, looking at Shu with a self-satisfied smile. Shu's eyes were closed, the heel of his hand pressed into one. He looked exhausted. "Mika…" he whispered, then, when he became aware Mika had sat up, he opened his eyes. "Come here…"
He held out his arms, and when Mika drew close, Shu pulled him into a tight embrace, burying his face against his neck and running his fingers restlessly through his hair. He was shivering. Mika massaged his shoulders lightly as they embraced, waiting until Shu seemed a little calmer to speak.
"Eh, didja like it? Was I good?"
"You were very good," Shu said quietly. He gently pushed Mika away, looking into his eyes searchingly. "I think I want- to make you feel good too. But I'm not sure what to do…" he admitted quietly, pained.
Mika shook his head, and laid another series of tiny kisses on Shu’s neck. "Don’t worry about it. I'll show ya. Here, sit up more." Once Shu had, Mika sat down between his legs, back to Shu, settling comfortably into his arms. He took Shu's hand in his, guiding him to wrap his fingers around Mika's cock. Then, he guided him through the motions. "All you hafta do- just like that."
Even this was a dream come true. He released Shu's hand, and as Mika felt Shu's fingers, slowly growing more confident and purposeful, stroke along his shaft, it took every bit of willpower in him to not come undone right there. He wanted to enjoy this more. Yes, Mika had been right. Only Shu could make him feel this way. Mika belonged to him entirely.
He could feel Shu pressed up against him, his chin on Mika’s shoulder. Mika felt like he was floating, wrapped in a warmth he couldn’t possibly describe in words. Oh, this felt so good, better than he could have ever imagined-
Suddenly, Mika felt Shu bite his neck gently, and it was so much that he came immediately, pressing back against Shu as his whole body spasmed. He heard Shu make a noise of surprise and wrap his arms tightly around him, but it wasn't until Mika's panting had subsided into ragged, but steady, breathing that either of them dared to speak.
"Oshi-san-"
"Sorry, that wasn't too much, was it?" Shu's voice sounded remorseful. "It seemed like the right thing to do-"
"No, no! I liked it a lot!" Mika exclaimed. He resisted the urge to add you should do that more often. He turned to face Shu, who was staring at him with something akin to wonderment.
"Mika- I can't believe you,” he started, and, when Mika’s expression turned crestfallen, quickly added, "In a good way. I never would have thought I'd ever do something like this."
"Eheh." Mika scratched his cheek, suddenly flustered. "I'm not kiddin' when I say I've been thinkin' about this nonstop. An’, you know, I belong to you, so it’s not like it could be anyone else."
"Well-" That admission apparently left Shu at a loss for words, and instead he looked around the room. “We should clean up, shouldn’t we?”
“Ah, I suppose.”
Once they had, the two of them returned to the couch. Mika curled his legs up on the couch, leaning against Shu. He reached out, picking up the forgotten box of strawberries. “Are ya hungry, Oshi-san?”
“A little,” Shu admitted. He looked at Mika, still trying to process what they had just done. Had it been a mistake? No, it couldn’t have been, not with the way Mika was smiling so effusively.
“Open up, then.” Mika plucked one of the strawberries from the box, holding it up, and Shu frowned at him.
“I’m not going to have you feed m-”
In response, Mika popped the strawberry into his mouth, silencing his protest, and Shu, startled, chewed and swallowed. The sweet tartness was a good antidote to how dry his mouth had felt. Still, he shook his head. “Incorrigible. I give you an inch, and you take a mile.”
“Eh-heh. You find eatin’ like this more embarrassin’?”
“What I find more embarrassing is how long this took.” Shu took one of the strawberries out as well, and he his eyes were so serious, Mika fell silent, captivated, his lips slightly parted, and so Shu took the opportunity to slide the berry in, before leaning in close and cradling Mika’s face in his hands. He kissed Mika, only barely pulling away, his voice low. “If I’d known this would make you so happy, I would have done this long ago. Next time, tell me. I’ll do anything for you.”
He ran his thumb over Mika’s cheek, then pulled away. Mika was still, dazed once more, and after a moment, Shu frowned. Had he gone too far somehow again? “Are you okay?”
Mika shook his head, slowly. “Nnah. I just never thought I’d hear ya say somethin’ like that. So it was a lil’ shockin’.” He again gave Shu that oddly shy look he was so capable of, the one that always left Shu powerless to say no to him. “Couldja gimme another strawberry?”
“Hm.” Shu picked up another, holding it out, but when Mika leaned in towards him, eyes closed, he quickly pulled it away, replacing it with a kiss. Mika jumped, startled.
“H-Hey! Teasin’ me already…you’re real naughty, Oshi-san…”
“Am I?” Shu wrapped Mika in his arms, pulling him down to lay atop him on the couch. He looked up at Mika with a tiny smirk playing around his lips. “But you said you belong to me, didn’t you?”
“M-mm-hm. Yeah.”
Shu again cupped Mika’s face between his hands, giving him one final kiss, but this time, tugged gently at his bottom lip with his teeth. He felt Mika shiver in surprise.
“Good.”