Work Text:
MIDNIGHT.
The concert ended some time ago, but their managers had to pack and load their stuff from the waiting room to their van. At the same time, the group took photos and changed from stage outfits to comfortable clothes; the clock had struck midnight when they arrived back at their accommodation.
Exhilarated and exhausted, Jisung dove face down on the queen-size bed upon entering his suite. The slumberland train was so quick to arrive to take him away, an aftereffect of powering through a jam-packed day with only an hour of sleep. The temptation to onboard the train was a step away, but there was no way Jisung would sleep without showering off the sweat and grime from the event earlier. God, it was sweltering earlier, Jisung recalled their stage. The venue was inside the arena, but the cooling ventilations were no match for the energy of the crowd that attended the concert.
It’s only their third time to hold a concert in the Philippines: first, a solo concert pre-pandemic, and the second was earlier this year, a joint show similar to today’s concert. He turned to his back, with eyes still shut; the green ocean was still visible, and the loud cheers of their fans were audible. It was only a few months since their last performance in the Philippines, yet their fans seemed to have doubled. If he’d let himself be selfish, it felt like a solo concert with numerous neobongs covering the whole arena.
He sighed heavily; I could have done better. Jisung felt ashamed for what he thought was lacking performance. They were the last to perform, and the more time passed as they waited for their turn, the more Jisung regretted not taking the advice of his manager to take a nap after their rehearsal. He’s jetlagged and sleepy, only mentally being awakened when his WayV hyungs are on stage. He took a mental note not to sleep late before an event. I cannot help it! It’s the jitters or tingle, however you want to look at it. Jisung scratched and replaced it with listening to his manager. Better. The fans probably didn’t notice, and if they did, Jisung knew they would still sing praises over his performance, as they always do with every performance. For that, he was always grateful for his fans, but it doesn’t excuse his today’s performance. With that thought, he decided to send a message through the Bubble app. He thought he owed this much to his fans, who relentlessly supported him and the whole group.
Picking up his phone beside his head, Jisung noticed that 20 minutes had passed. They have the whole day to rest or roam around if they want to before their flight the next day. So, if he tried to push through with his plans to sleep longer (don’t judge, it’s the best plan) , he should wash up now. Jisung sent a message in the app telling his subscribers that he felt like his performance was not as great as the support he received from his fans. He also shared with them that the beanie was a gift from Renjun Hyung as a reply to most of the questions he received then uploaded selfies before and after the concert before exiting the app and heading straight to the bathroom.
He was just thinking how nice the tranquility of the night was going when there was a hesitant knock on his door. Ah, it must be the food . Jisung remembered that their manager had asked them earlier if they wanted something to eat before they retired to their room. He padded to his main door without even bothering to wear his shirt back. Jisung got confused to see a familiar raven-haired man instead of his manager noona, laughing at Jisung’s expression, whiskers on the sides of his eyes making an appearance.
“What’s with the expression?” Chenle pouted. The last person he expected to find outside his room was the same standing in front of him, joking that he knew Jisung’s tired of him given they were together the whole day but can’t he at least keep it to himself?
Jisung shook his head, replacing the frown on his face with a soft smile, and stepped aside to let his friend enter, “I was just not expecting you.” he answered honestly, closing the door behind him. “I thought you were noona bringing my food.”
“Oh, right,” Chenle exclaimed, “I should message her to bring my food here.” That stopped Jisung in his tracks back to the bathroom, looking puzzly at Chenle typing on his phone judging from the keyboard sound it was making.
“What do you mean bring your food here?” He thought he heard Chenle informing him he’ll camp the night out with one of the WayV hyungs, probably Kun hyung’s. Since it was the first time they had traveled with WayV overseas for a joint concert outside the usual SM Town, Chenle wanted to use this rare chance to bond with them.
“Let’s eat together,” Chenle answered matter-of-factly, throwing the phone on Jisung’s bed as he sat on its side. “You’re washing up? Go on.” Hands gesturing to Jisung to get moving, “I’ll take care of the food when it comes.”
When the Dreamies began to have their own solo room in their dorm and eventually for their international events, they were ecstatic. They liked sharing a room with another member; they didn’t have issues with that. There are just a few times after a whole day of being around so many people, someone like introvert Jisung, needs alone time. A time to recharge himself, to refresh his social battery. After all, he’s an artist and comes with it to socialize with hundreds and thousands of people. So, having a whole room for yourself at the end of the day provided that precious time. Ever since that arrangement, there's been an unspoken agreement between them not to visit each other’s room as much as possible after a performance.
But it was not a shocker if one of them decided to hang out with the other; they loved each other too much to reject them if they dropped by their room. Especially Chenle.
Chenle likes to talk, wherein Jisung is a good listener (and honestly, the only Dream member that could take Chenle’s talkativeness without a limit. A best friend perk , the Chinese declared, adding that it can be vice versa, but Jisung knows better than to interest the other with his universe talk). Usually, the older will walk with Jisung to the younger’s room, stay for an hour or two doing a play-by-play of the events for the day while reflecting on it, then make plans for the day after (read: Chenle sharing his itinerary with Jisung if ever the latter is in the mood to tag along instead of holing up in his hotel room) . Or just anything and everything under the moon and starry sky.
Even with this so-called best friend perk, they don't spend cringe amounts of time together as they used to before Jisung turned of legal age - yes, he noticed. Chenle is a social butterfly, and with his bright personality, he’s bound to make friends easily, even outside their humongous group. On the flip side of the coin, Jisung is the exact opposite - a homebody who is content with hanging out with his Dream hyungs or just by himself. It’s not a big deal for Jisung. After all, his friendship with Chenle is not about quantity.
This didn’t stop Jisung from wondering as he showered why Chenle was in his room instead of either one of the WayV hyungs’.
Coming out of the bathroom, Jisung first heard the familiar sound of a male voice commentating in English over shoes skidding, a ball bouncing, and the crowd cheers. Then he saw Chenle sitting on the sofa by the curtain-draped floor-to-ceiling window, their food that must have arrived while he was showering set up on the low coffee table between the bed and the couch.
The elder only looked up from watching a replay of a Golden Warriors basketball match on Youtube (the younger found out later) when Jisung passed by his vision, choosing to sit by the head of the coffee table on the floor to no one’s surprise. “Fast food at 1 AM,” Chenle tutted.
“That’s the only 24/7 convenience food we can get at this hour.” It’s not healthy, but who are they kidding? Everybody knows Jisung’s unhealthy habit of eating - which he was not proud of - and Chenle can cook but let’s be honest, Chenle would prefer to eat greasy food than tire himself of cooking.
1 AM
They started to eat in silence. This was the silence Jisung was craving the moment he entered his suite, and even with Chenle’s presence, it was more comfortable than awkward. Before, the last word Jisung would use in a sentence with his friend’s name was awkward. Time was constantly changing, so whether they liked it or not, it applied to them too. They didn’t get uncomfortable (and this was coming from the king of awkwardness himself, so he knew he never felt awkward with Chenle), but just some old habits that they used to do when they were minors that seem weird to do nowadays. Like hugging.
“Ya, Park Jisung!” The younger heard Chenle loudly call his name, startling him that his knee hit the table's edge. Alarmed, Chenle leaned over to caress the other’s knocked knee, or what was not covered by Jisung’s large hand, asking if he was okay. “Stop going so deep in your rumination,” the older added with regard, slapping Jisung’s hand in a true Chenle fashion.
“How was this my fault?” Jisung retorted, “You’re the one who shouted. Also, I’m not ruminating. I’m just–”
“Thinking,” Chenle cuts him off, rolling his eyes, “I know, whatever you call it. Just rest your big brain for once, Jisung-ah.” Jisung was stunned hearing the concern in Chenle’s voice. His friend was not a worrywart, and he was always so optimistic about things, even when it doesn’t go the way they wanted them to. Chenle almost makes it his business to shed light on everyone that needs it, mostly him having the most conflicted brain the older person has ever met. This might not be the first time, but for as long as he can remember, this was the first time he saw his best friend upset, eyebrows furrowed as he munched on his fries, side-eyeing him from time to time.
Jisung reached out, slowly wrapping his slender fingers around Chenle’s wrist to give the other a chance to pull his hand, but he didn’t, so Jisung tightened it as he apologized.
“Now, you’re making me a bad person.” The elder muttered, “I should be saying that. I’m sorry.” Jisung tilted his head sideways as he met the other’s apologetic gaze with his soft ones and a small smile tugging the corner of his lips. “You’re Park Jisung, so of course, you’ll be in your thoughts 24/7, but here I am, getting upset over it.”
“It’s okay. You’re Zhong Chenle and want me to take my overthinking a notch down.”
“I read your bubble.” Jisung nodded. He figured it out earlier when he was taking a shower but didn’t want to assume because it’s been a long time since Chenle mentioned anything related to his messages in Bubble. Turns out, he’s not wrong.
He caressed Chenle’s arms before pulling back his arms, “I can’t believe you are still subscribed to my Bubble.”
“Unsubscribing is bothersome, so I just let it be.” Chenle answered casually, “but that’s not the point, Jisung-ah. I saw it on your face after HelFu ended, but you seemed fine afterward, so…” The younger looked up when Chenle paused, lost in his thoughts, before he continued, voice so low he almost didn’t catch it, “I should’ve known better.”
“What else would you have done?” Chenle patting him right after their Hello Future ended was enough for him. He didn’t deserve it, Jisung knew when he couldn’t give his 100% for the song’s last chorus, but that simple gesture was nice to let him know he did well. Jisung didn’t know how Chenle always knew, and he had stopped looking for answers for years.
Chenle turned on his seat on the sofa, one leg tucked under his haunches, to face his best friend on the floor, who was in the middle of biting his burger, not in any way prepared for the parade of flattering words. “You were great earlier. Your stage performances are always great. You’re a great dancer and danced well on each stage. Yes, you could have done better, but that doesn’t mean your performance earlier is a waste or something to be ashamed of. Always take pride in your performance, whether 80% or 20% less than your expectation and improve it next time.”
“Okay.” Jisung hesitantly interjected when Chenle paused again, staring right through his eyes as if searching for something.
“That’s what else I should do.” The sincerity in Chenle’s eyes sent warmth wrapping Jisung’s body and chills crawling up his spine. Hearing it made him feel a hundred times better, taking off the heavy load squashing his brain for hours. Also, comforting words coming from Chenle have always been a different thing he didn’t want to dive into.
To break the weird energy the silence was sending, Jisung teased the other, “So, you ditched Kun Hyung just because you’re annoyed by my bubble?”
“Whatever, Park Jisung.” Chenle rolled his eyes, going back to eating his food. Jisung chuckled, fully expecting the older to dismiss that.
He is such a sappy best friend sometimes.
“But thanks,” Jisung uttered, gaining a glance from Chenle, “and welcome to my pity part-YAH ZHONG CHENLE.” He cried out when three pieces of french fries were thrown in his direction, making the older laugh.
“Okay, I’ll indulge you so you can take it off your chest.” Chenle offered, albeit unwillingly, pulling up his other leg and sitting cross-legged. “Let’s talk about your shortcomings from today’s performance.”
Jisung felt his dam crack, a minuscule crack rapidly running longer on the wall. The concrete vibrated and threatened to collapse, and then, a sigh was all it took for the wall to crumble down. Tons of water gushing down with a futile hope that he does not drown his surroundings beyond saving. Because then, all that will be left will be the mess he created and an immense amount of guilt.
Yet as Jisung watched his best friend, listening to him intently and patiently, with no judgment in his black eyes staring back at him, he knew they were both safe from drowning and the impending guilt. Chenle would never soak from his anxiety and self-pity thoughts because he’s up there. The sun is always up in the sky, and Chenle is his sunshine. The bright sun that watches him releases all his pent-up frustrations and will watch whether he decides to fix and put the dam up again or obliterate the barrier to grow trees instead. Jisung knew that someday he had to outgrow this pity party of his, and he was working on it, taking baby steps towards self-love and building blocks of self-esteem. But one thing was sure: whatever he does today, tomorrow, or next year, his sunshine would still be here for him.
After Chenle voiced his thoughts to Jisung’s long list of concerns, bickering - as usual - from time to time as the younger protested, too prideful to admit, whenever Chenle hit home too close, standing on his ground, saying, “I know you more than you know yourself, Park Jisung'', the younger, in turn, asked the other how he felt about his performance today. Where Jisung berated himself for every performance, Chenle appreciated his flaws, rating them even, using them to improve his next stage. The older one proudly claimed that this was his best stage so far. For Jisung, as much as he wanted a 7dream set like his life depended on it, for every 5dream events they did, he felt immensely proud of his members for pulling off Mark’s parts, especially Haechan’s high note so well, but he agreed with Chenle. Hearing him today through his earpiece, hitting cleanly Haechan’s Hello Future crazy high notes, his heart swells with pride. It might not be evident to the crowd due to technical lapses, but it’s enough for Chenle and him.
2 AM
It was past 2 AM when they both checked their phones after finishing their meal. Jisung stood, beating Chenle first in cleaning up their table, much to the latter’s amusement. So Chenle leaned back and watched the younger as he waited for something to happen because there’s always something bound to happen with Jisung.
And boy, Jisung did not fail Chenle. He had Chenle cackling so loud he could wake up the entire hotel when the paper cup of half-empty cola slid from his hand. Now he has to wipe the spilled cola off his floor.
“You are amazing, Park Jisung.” Chenle, amused, “How on earth did you spill that when your hands aren’t that full?”
“That’s what happens when you have clumsy hands,” answered Jisung with an exasperated sigh. He knew Chenle was not asking for a specific answer, so he did not bother giving one, but it didn’t stop him from wondering. His hands weren’t sweaty, and he knew he was holding the plastic cup, yet his grab on it loosened, and the rest was history.
Chenle must have picked up the wrong tone from the younger and worried he offended him, “To be fair, you’re not always like this–”
“Don’t lie, Chenle-yah. We both know that’s not true.”
Chenle sighed, “Park Jisung. What will we do with you when all of you finally have to leave the dorm? Like you and living alone in one sentence?”
“That’s not gonna happen soon,” Jisung dismissed the far-fetched thought Chenle had just conjured as he wiped the floor with tissues from the fast food chain, “Might as well not think about it for now.”
“You’re gonna be in your late 20s when that happens,” Chenle continued as if Jisung did not speak his peace on living alone, “By that time, living with your parents is not bad, you know? You’ve been with us for the past six years and more when that time comes, so it’s a gain if you think about it.”
“Would you?” Chenle jerked his head towards the other as if just realizing he was talking to someone, “Would you live with your parents if they officially moved here?”
Chenle hummed as he gave the question a thought, but the more he thought about it, the more it was impossible for it to happen. Yes, his mom or aunt sometimes stayed with him, but he’s not their only family to take care of. Besides, The Zhongs had their life rooted well back in their own country, and they were tightly knit, so if his parents moved, then even his grandparents would have to move. It’s just a lot. Also, Chenle has gained his parents’ trust enough to deem him well responsible for handling his own. Jisung noticed the conflict written on his friend’s face and realized how stupid his question was, but the elder spoke before he could even retract.
“Hypothetically, if they got a place near our company, yes. But I’ll still keep my place just in case I need some alone time or whatever. You?”
As he said earlier, this would happen in the distant future. He overthought things, but he chose his battles, prioritizing things that affected yesterday, today, and the near future. Now that it was laid out in the open, and Chenle surely wouldn’t let this go until he got an answer from him, he tried to consider it.
While Chenle pointed out a good reason to move with his parents, Jisung neither felt independent nor responsible enough when all of his older members and managers, whom he treated equally like a family, looked out for him from time to time. This came with the privilege of learning many lessons every time he made a mistake in the past, but the downside was that he had limited opportunities to apply the things he had learned.
When that time came, he hoped he had proven to them that he could have ceramic dishes in his place and not replace them every week.
“I hope so too, Jisung-ah,” Chenle concurred after hearing the younger’s side, “because as of right now, you’re better off living with someone.”
“That’s smooth of you, Chenle. Asking me to live with you.” Jisung joked, but Chenle’s serious answer caught him off guard.
“I’ll ask you properly when the right time comes. Your room has an extra toothbrush, right?” And Chenle left for the bathroom just like that, missing Jisung’s ear reddening at its tips with the invitation.
Jisung heard his friend’s muffled voice asking him if he wasn’t going to brush his teeth, and as if there was a magnetic force pulling him to Chenle, Jisung moved to his feet without questioning it.
With his mind still reeling from Chenle’s underhanded invitation, Jisung watched his and Chenle’s reflection in the mirror, brushing their teeth in their most natural state - his air-dried hair to Chenle’s center-parted bleach-damaged ends apparent even in its black color, in his plain white short-sleeved shirt to the elder’s graphic printed black shirt that was a bit loose and exposed his collarbones, similar black tracking pants with different brands that they have worn too many times than they can count for, and their bare faces that revealed the blemishes that their make–up noonas tried to hide in protecting their idol images - thinking how only they can see each other like this, how Jisung would be the one to see the older not just in his glory but even in his vulnerable state, how he would love it if he and Chenle did decide to live together.
Love?
The younger choked on his toothpaste foam, bending over the sink and coughing his lungs out. He quickly looked at the older through the reflection when he felt Chenle’s hands on his back, patting him gently. A classic “Park Jisung, why so clumsy?” look plastered on his face. Good thing, Chenle didn’t question him and left Jisung alone in the bathroom once he assured the older one he was fine.
Jisung loved Chenle (maybe a bit more than the other members) and truly loved his best friend. Who doesn’t? Everything about Chenle was lovable, even his sharp tongue and relentless teasing. Putting Chenle and love in a sentence was stirring something in his stomach. Going two years, Jisung didn’t think he’d ever get used to it or would leave him in peace sooner or later.
“Aren’t you going back to Kun Hyung's room?” The younger asked, leaning on the bathroom’s door frame and finding Chenle with his phone settled on his bed against the headboard, eyes closed, one leg tucked underneath the blanket and the other hanging on the edge of the bed.
Jisung thought Chenle was probably sleeping, and just like some nights, the latter would choose to sleep in his room, complaining he was too sleepy to walk back. But when the elder’s eyes fluttered open, and he shook his head, there was no trace of sleepiness in it, “They’re probably sleeping.”
“How are they?” Jisung inquired, again taking a spot on the floor, facing Chenle, and using the coffee table to lean on. They talked about WayV’s stage and believed their hyungs could still perform even without Ten and Winwin, but for whatever reason, unfortunately, they did not.
“They surely know and just didn’t want to tell me.” Even though the other didn’t pout and usually acted older than their hyungs, he could hear sulkiness laced through his smooth voice.
“I don’t blame them. They probably didn’t want you to worry about it.”
“Still. It wouldn’t hurt to tell me.”
“You know you tend to vocalize things without thinking twice, right?”
“I know that, but I do not take it up with the higher management. I know better than to do that.” Chenle defensively stated.
“But you’d engage with their managers. Look, Chenle, either it’s the SM’s decision or the event organizer there is nothing else you can do.”
“Well, that’s true, but I only wanted to comfort them.”
“Believe me, you being with them earlier was enough.” Chenle eyed him playfully, musing upon his words, then nodded before diving into the chance to tease Jisung for giving such good advice when it was usually his job. “Cut it, Chenle. I just based it on my experience.” It could be the light, or his eyes were tired, but Jisung thought he saw the elder’s face reddened before smiling approvingly.
“Wanna play a game?” It was effective if Chenle intended to change topics, and Jisung mentally saluted him for the smooth transition.
They play online games at an ungodly hour, but they just had a long day yesterday, and anyone with a functioning brain will know it’s better to sleep than farm equipment and shoot online players they do not know. Jisung replied as such to the other.
Chenle tutted, and before he could even utter a word, Jisung realized he had lost a battle he set up himself, “We just ate a burger set meal, and you want to sleep? You are so dead to your mother.”
“You’re lucky my Chinese is bad, or else I’m telling your mother about you playing online games at dawn.”
“Ask Renjun Hyung to translate for you. It doesn’t matter, though. They adore you more than me.”
“Honestly, same. Mine loves you even more. Which map are we playing?” And all the while Jisung was protesting, his thumb moved on its own, tapping the PUBG app open -
“Miramar.” - brushing off the reason that crept into his brain when the other part of his brain questioned why he didn’t tell Chenle to return to his room.
“What’s with the parents preferring other kids over their own? Like, they should take pride in loving the kid they raised.”
“Unless the other kids are way better than their own.”
“Yah, are you saying you’re better than me? I’m still born earlier than you.”
Jisung scoffed, they were way past dealing with their age gap, and Chenle still brought it up every chance he got. He couldn’t blame him as Jisumg himself made a fuss to call him hyung over an arcade competition. “I’m also saying you’re better than me, and I think there’s someone in that house.”
“Damn, we dropped in the wrong area. There’s a lot here.”
“Just run for now.”
“Look for a car too, Ji.” Chenle advised, “For the record, it’s nice to be adored by your parents when mine’s not around.” Jisung did not even bother hiding the big smile that stretched across his face.
“You’re a family to me, so it was given,” the younger explained. His family fell in love with Chenle the first time they saw him. Knowing that Chenle, Renjun hyung, and Mark hyung, their foreign members, had to adapt to a different culture, his parents’ hearts went out to them.
3:30 AM
They played for 30 minutes - or more like wasted - before they finally gave up any hope of winning a game. Jisung looked up at the older, combing his hair back with his free hand and found Chenle staring back, for the nth time, at him with an intent unbeknownst to him. Jisung caught the other’s deep gaze many times for the last half hour, either while starting a new game or when he had to check if Chenle had fallen asleep because his online character wasn’t moving. With nothing to distract him now, Jisung could no longer let it pass, jerking his chin and tilting at him, mutely asking the older.
“Why do you love the floor so much?” Chenle spoke, intrigued. He scanned Jisung from his messy hair to his legs, one folded by the floor while the other folded close to his chest, which he used to prop his elbow earlier while playing, then back up to his face, lingering a little longer at his lips before meeting his eyes. Jisung felt very exposed under the two dark orbs boring into him, sending shivers up his spine. They made him want to close his legs, but he didn’t like the other to notice his self-consciousness. Slowly and hopefully casually, he puts the other leg down, positioning it as his other leg.
“It’s just comfortable,” Jisung replied as if it was the most obvious answer, scrolling mindlessly through his phone. He tried his best to ignore the sudden change yet familiar in the air with the drop of an octave (or three? god) in Chenle’s voice. He heard a shuffle on his bed, chuckling huskily as if he was caught. Fuck. “What?” Looking up, he noticed that Chenle moved to sit on the side of his bed, the tip of his toe barely touching the floor.
“You’ve been there for more than three hours now,” Chenle paused, and after seemingly choosing his following words with care, he continued, “do you mind… being there for… much longer?”
No, it didn’t make sense to Jisung. Chenle spoke slowly, pausing shortly in between for him to understand what he was trying to convey possibly. He did understand it, but how a part of his brain consumed by the other boy interpreted it didn’t make sense. How the hell did we come to this? “Aren’t you going back to your room? It’s la–”
“Don’t move,” Jisung, while getting up, froze, goosebumps crawling through his body. Now, Jisung could undoubtedly say that the room’s temperature dropped shit cold. “There’s a drawing I saw of you on the floor, between my legs and sucki–”
“ZHONG CHENLE.” The younger warned, now standing to his full height, looking anywhere else but the other presence in the room.
“What? As if we didn’t–”
“That was one time.”
“That's all I can think about, Jisung-ah,” Chenle whispered as if someone could hear them in the middle of the dawn. Jisung faced the other only to see the familiar gloss in his eyes, intoxicating and inviting. Stronger than the last time, making his blood rush south.
It’s been a year and ten months since that night.. .
When Chenle called him to invite him over to his place for some movie watching, recommended by his friend. A romantic movie, to Jisung’s surprise. But the revelation of the night didn’t end there. Sometime in the middle of the film, both the leads started undressing and, for the first time, had sex. Jisung’s not a prude; he knew Chenle wasn’t either, but watching a sex scene with your best friend was still awkward. Chenle whistled low and tilted his head to him, saying he didn’t know there would be a scene like that. The younger didn’t know if Chenle was waiting for an answer as he kept staring at him, so he just shrugged, not even meeting the latter’s eyes. Then came another scene where the leads, older now after some time apart, were arguing under heavy rain, but this time, it was a steamier and more extended sex scene that had both of them discreetly (but failing as Chenle beats him to the same pillow on the sofa Jisung was about to reach) hide their growing boner.
Jisung willed his boner (now barely covered under his hoodie) to disappear, focusing on the movie, but he couldn’t take his mind off the scene. That and the pillow on Chenle’s lap were not helping him to calm his stupid hormones down. Then, Chenle suggested the unimaginable - to jerk each other off.
And somehow, they’re both still on the same page. Should he feel relieved that all this time, all this awkwardness surrounding them afterward, was not just him? All this time, Chenle thought of that night as much as he did and possibly touched himself while imagining him. Heat pooled in his lower belly as some of his horny nights were thinking about that fateful night.
Lust or other buried feelings talking, he wanted to give in to the older. But to this day, Jisung couldn’t determine if that incident brought them closer or only strained their friendship. Sometimes their touches linger on each other too long, or just resting beside the other, body leaning on the other’s. And there are days when Jisung couldn't stand to be around Chenle without remembering how those plump lips moaned out his name and not get hard. Everything may be masked to the public eye, maybe transparent to those observant fans, but it’s heavy on both of them whenever left alone.
Jisung can’t lose Chenle, which might happen if he gives in to his desire. Friends don’t suck others’ dick, and he wouldn’t do that, most especially to Chenle, most beautiful in his bare face and baggy clothes. Chenle was a precious person to him, and he intended to keep it this way. He intended to keep it for as long as he figured out his feelings for his best friend. Maybe until then, or not, whatever will make Chenle stay by his side forever.
“You should go back to your room, Chenle,” Jisung finally said, voice coming out deeply and stable despite this inner turmoil. He thought the older was leaving, but Chenle stopped right in front of him, matching Jisung’s determined gaze with his imploring gaze, fingers tracing up his arms.
“Just for tonight, just for me, stop using your beautiful brain, and let this,” the older placed a palm hard on his chest, feeling the erratic beating of his heart, “take over.”
“Chenle,” Jisung gasped, hands landing on Chenle’s hips for support when the latter pulled him by the shirt, closing the gap that he could breathe the other’s air. Chenle’s other hand was clutching his arm tightly, which would surely leave a bruise after. He’s going to be the death of me. “We–I… We can’t do this.”
“Can’t? Or don’t want to?” his breath hitched, feeling the shorter’s lips brush against him as he spoke, “Please. I want you, Jisungie.”
With just five words, Jisung’s resolve crumbled down. Capturing Chenle’s plump lips in between his - finally having the lips he has imagined to kiss - sets the fireworks off in him. They kiss languidly, savoring each second as if to make up for the long-overdue tension between them until Chenle snaked his arms around the taller’s neck, fingers threading through his hair, pressing himself even more to Jisung. Taking the other’s cue, Jisung licked the other’s lower lip, making Chenle moan, and slid his tongue into his hot mouth. Tasting his own toothpaste from Chenle’s mouth brought his manhood to life, gripping the shorter’s hips tighter to stop him from bucking, only for Chenle to whine his name, breaking out of the kiss.
God, he sounds so beautiful.
Jisung would always be biased when asked for the best vocals in their group. Not to mention that Jisung heard the older’s exceptional talent before anyone else in their group, even before their agency discovered Chenle. Jisung thought that he always sounded so heavenly when he sang. A Cherubin when he takes the stage and produces the most beautiful melody there ever is. But here, pliant in his arms, creating the sensual sounds only for him to hear, moaning his name as Jisung sucked the soft skin below his earlobe easily topped the list of Jisung’s favorite Chenle vocals.
Despite the last of his logical brain cells screaming at Jisung, warning him that there’s no going back once he takes a step over the blurred lines, he slowly backs Chenle to the bed, his thumb replacing his lips when they separate, swiping the saliva coating Chenle’s swollen lips. A moan escaped Jisung when Chenle took the thumb in his mouth and sucked on it. Jisung pushed him down on the edge of the bed while he lowered himself to the floor between Chenle’s legs. The older groaned, feeling it vibrating around his thumb when Jisung palmed him through his sweatpants.
“Is this how you imagined us in that drawing you saw?” Jisung held Chenle with pressure, pulling an O from the older’s mouth before he replied, “Yes, and more,” groaning as he bucked his hips into the younger’s hand.
“More than that night,” Chenle breathily continued, taunting the younger even more to give in to his midnight fantasy.
Chenle had him at his beck and call even before and Jisung has no qualms about it. Tonight was no exception, especially when Chenle had the end of his shirt between his teeth, exposing his lean milky body for his large hands to caress. Jisung’s hands snaked up until he got in contact with the buds he was searching for and tweaked it. Chenle moaned louder, resonating in the room as Jisung pinched both of them, the shirt released from the latter’s teeth in the process.
He wondered how much more erotically gorgeous Chenle would be underneath him when he made love to him. That would have to wait until they returned to Korea, but satisfying Chenle’s fantasy would have to do for now.
Releasing one of the nipples, his hands journeyed downwards underneath his sweatpants, finally touching Chenle without any clothing barrier. Chenle, beautiful Chenle, cried when the younger freed his manhood, pre-cum already leaking out of its head. Albeit not the first time, but tonight, Jisung could openly look at it, soaking in the current state of Chenle. Somehow, the end of his shirt found its way again between his teeth, enough to reveal Jisung’s other hand still tweaking the older’s taut nipple, hair sticking out in all directions from earlier heavy makeout, breathing heavily, eyes staring intensely back at him under his long lashes, and his twitching hard member as the younger’s eyes fell on it.
“God, Lele. I hope you can see yourself right now. You’re so beautiful,” the younger whispered as Chenle groaned, feeling his hand wrapped around his head, thumb swiping across the slit and slicking down his member with his pre-cum - just like Chenle taught him the first time. He twisted his hand around upward, lingering on its head longer, earning a moaned Jisung from the older, before slowly sliding his hand back down. As he continued his slow ministrations, Jisung looked up at the older, leaning on his elbow, his head was thrown back, and decided to retrieve his other hand from his nipple to smooth and squeeze Chenle’s legs.
“Jisung-ah,” Chenle whined when the younger started trailing open-mouthed kisses on his legs, biting and sucking on them because he was sure they would remain hidden from anyone, a reminder only to Chenle of tonight. Chenle brought his hand to the younger’s mane when Jisung kissed one of his balls, surprising him and gripping it tightly as the latter stroke it with his tongue.
“You don’t have to, Jisung.” Chenle offered, pulling his head back by his hair a little to meet the younger’s eyes, peeking through his lashes. Jisung smiled fondly at Chenle when he held his face, soothing his cheeks with his thumb, then held him in his wrist, turned to kiss his palm, and dropped it gently.
“But I want to,” Jisung replied, holding the other’s gaze as he leaned in and mouthed the base of his member.
“Fuck, Jisung.” Chenle repeatedly cried as Jisung scattered open-mouth kisses on every part of his member up to his head.
“I’ll ensure this will be a hundred times better than what you have imagined, Lele.” Jisung declared before his lips enveloped Chenle’s head.
Suppose someone made a bet of an entire fortune at stake with Jisung that in two years after he turned of legal age, not once or twice would he get to be intimate with Chenle like no one else, be wanted so badly at the middle of the night without regards to the accumulated body pain from the plane travel, rehearsal and performing, and voluntarily giving his best friend a head he learned from the shitty porns he watched on the internet while Chenle moaned his name again and again as Jisung bobbed his head. In that case, they’ll be having a blast winning, but Jisung would never think he lost the bet. How, when his special prize is none other than a Zhong Chenle.
“Jisung… stop.” Jisung released him with a pop, and Chenle thought he’d come just by looking at the former’s swollen lips and dazed eyes. Chenle explained that he didn’t want to come in his mouth and not without him. His eyes darted to Jisung’s member wrapped around his hand, taken out of his pants earlier while he sucked his older friend. Jisung took off his pants and motioned Chenle to do the same, then pulled the older by the hand to sit on the floor, gently backing Chenle towards the bed. He hooks his hands under the other’s knees, putting them over his. Both gasped when their hard-leaking members got in contact with each other as Jisung closed the gap.
With one hand, Jisung had both of their members in his hand, bobbing it as Chenle grabbed him by the nape, kissing fiercely in between their moans and gasps. Not soon after, Chenle pulled back, taking the younger’s lower lip between his teeth before releasing it to announce that he was close. Jisung framed his face with his free hand, held Chenle’s debauching, desiring, and if he dared to say loving, gaze before he whispered together , tattooing how his friend unraveled as he came.
4:15 AM
Even though it was in the middle of the night and their managers and members were dead asleep, Jisung couldn’t risk their compromising situation should anyone decide to knock on his door. But Chenle, Goodness beautiful Chenle, won’t move from his position when the younger had cleaned him up - Chenle’s head on his shoulder that his breath was hitting his neck, his legs wrapped once again around his waist, fingers drawing some Picasso art on his forearm. The Chinese were still naked waist down, covered only by his disregarded pants that were grabbed with difficulty even within Jisung’s arm reach because of Chenle’s immovable body enveloped in his arm.
Silence.
Yet it spoke thousands of words.
At least in Jisung’s headspace as he mindlessly watched the other’s busy finger still doodling on his arm.
Now what? What happens to us? He said he wanted me. In what terms though? Does he like me for quick relief? Does he like me as I want him to? Do I ask? What if we’re on a different page? Can we still go back as best friends? Will we be friends with benefits? Can I give him that? Can I have sex with my best friend and have feelings that he doesn’t know? Will I lose him? This is Chenle though, and there’s no way I’m losing him.
“‘Le…” the younger one exhaled after a deep breath, halting the other’s movement. “You know, we have to talk about this, right?”
He felt Chenle freeze for a second before relaxing in his arms and nodding. Jisung wouldn’t let the night fade away with more questions unanswered. But none of them spoke. The silence stretched heavily between them, as nerve-wracking as watching two circus performers standing from two ends of a tightrope feet above the land, one foot after another stepping on a white string, trying to finish the trick and meet in the center without falling off.
Jisung belatedly realized Chenle wasn’t going to initiate the conversation, which was stupid of him not to see this coming. Chenle’s vocal in everything except his feelings, and he rarely expresses his feelings or emotions in words.
And tonight was no exception.
And if Chenle will let him lead the direction tonight, Jisung would have to minimize the damage it may bring. Yes, he’s betting on the worst outcome rather than putting his hopes so high just to see it crush.
“You have to make me understand everything that happened,” Jisung uttered quietly, almost whispering, as if he was afraid of breaking the silence, “The first time… there was that movie, and we’re just horny boys trying to relieve ourselves. But this time… you said things that I think my brain processed incorrectly.”
“Incorrectly? How?” Jisung didn’t know he was holding his breath until he tried not to exhale so loud when Chenle finally spoke, voice a bit raspy from earlier. His friend’s image flashed before his eyes, tinting his cheeks red. The younger focused back on the present, struggling with Chenle’s question. Is this a trap? Am I going to be a fish caught by my mouth?
“You said you keep thinking of that night, of us doing that drawing you saw and that you wanted me. If I didn’t know better, I would say you have feelings for me just how my brain translated it.”
Chenle pulled back, hands holding the other’s skinny arms, thumbs smoothing, “Maybe you didn’t know better, Jisungie.” He locked eyes with the younger with a slight smile on his glowing face, and as much as Jisung didn’t want to expect it, he hoped Chenle was right that he read between the lines correctly so he could capture that still swollen lips again.
“I thought my actions were enough for the past year, but I guess I have to use words to let you know that I like you. Yes, Park Jisung, I like you. For a long time now, for a lot longer than you thought. I liked you even before that night last year. That night…” Chenle hesitated, eyes darting to his right and chewing his lower lip as he recalled it.
“I both regretted and loved everything about that night. I regretted it because I felt like I took advantage of the situation, of you barely turning legal age and me fully aware of my feelings for you. Yet, I don’t. If anything, it only made me want you more when I didn’t know I wanted you that way. I thought my feelings for you were pure adoration, an innocent crush, someone I was excited to see and hang out with.
But that movie made me realize that life is too short. We were 14 and 15 when we first met and experienced a lot together. Though we’re both young, I can’t let time pass by without sharing the moments that would come with you. As someone special to me, someone who is more than a friend to me, someone I can share my other half with. That’s you. That’s when I knew I didn’t want anyone other than you, Jisung.
And if anyone between us might be reading it all wrong, it’s me.”
Jisung caught Chenle glancing at him, face adorned with anxiousness and fear which he wouldn’t associate with the latter. He couldn’t be more proud of Chenle, knowing it took everything from his friend to talk it all out.
Jisung noticed the shift between him and Chenle after he turned 21. They were small changes, but he felt them and settled within him, basking them every night before he slept. At the same time, worrying that everything was all in his head, so yes, Jisung needed to hear this straight from Chenle. This was the puzzle piece Jisung was looking for to act on his overdue feelings for the older.
They’re Chenji… and every time one takes a step forward, so does the other.
“You’re not wrong, Chenle,” Jisung began, cupping one side of Chenle’s face, thumb caressing his cheekbones. For a split second, different emotions passed by Chenle - from confusion to realization, and when it finally sank in, Jisung nodded with a shit-eating grin. Like an excited kid surrounded by sugar-induced food stalls at an amusement park, Jisung was that excited to let his feelings known by its subject. “Zhong Chenle, I like you too. Not that I’m competing with you, but I like you as long as you do.”
They both chuckled heartily, and Jisung resisted caging Chenle’s head to kiss him breathlessly. Instead, Jisung enveloped his friend around his waist, pulling him to hug tightly and pecking the crown of Chenle’s head. They stayed silent for a while, basking on that we-like-each-other moment before he heard the older mutter that he’d be surprised if Jisung didn’t like him back because he’s that likable.
Well, he’s not wrong, though. He wouldn’t be playing finger person with Chenle if he didn’t like him from the start. However, there’s a stark difference between liking Chenle as a friend and romantically, between being adored by others and desired by him. Jisung doesn’t think he can go to bed now without kissing Chenle. God, all I can think of is kissing Chenle.
“Then kiss me.” Chenle giggled when he heard Jisung speak his mind. The younger only hugged Chenle tighter when he started peeling himself off Jisung.
“I will, but not until I know what we are, Chenle.” This time Jisung lets the other go when he pulls back to question look at him, “I don’t care about labels, but I just wanna know where to draw—”
Chenle cuts the younger off by sealing his lips with his. The older didn’t waste time, hands locking behind Jisung’s neck as he sucked on the other’s lower lips. His tongue immediately dived into the younger’s hot mouth when it parted, coaxing his tongue out. Jisung’s hands traveled from Chenle’s knees to his still-bare butt, squeezing it when the latter sucked his tongue. Chenle tried to fight for dominance with his tongue as the other smoothened his lower back, then down to squeezing his butt - until Jisung’s finger ghosted around his hole, throwing his head back in the sudden jolt of pleasure. Jisung immediately tongued the dip in Chenle’s collarbone, careful not to leave a mark as he sucked on it.
“Jisung,” Chenle moaned, knocking sense to his brain. Retrieving his hands from the elder’s butt to run them through his hair, Jisung inwardly cursed himself for not having self-control when they were just about to discuss their relationship.
“Jisung,” Chenle repeated, a little breathless, “look at me, please.” The older request was laced both with concern and demand, so Jisung did. “You don’t have to draw the line. Do whatever you want to do with your boyfriend, and I’ll do whatever you want me to do to you, s your boyfriend.”
Boyfriend? He didn’t know it’d be this easy and fast. Jisung had watched Jaemin and Jeno date for a while, a year, did cheesy stuff that he could not stomach before but eventually imagined doing it for a certain Chinese member, and proving themselves worthy of each other that became a friendly(? romantic?) competition between the two before they finally cave in and become boyfriends. No one knew who caved first, not even them.
The said certain Chinese member scrunched his nose with a smile, leaned, and placed a chaste kiss on Jisung’s nose, whispering how adorable the younger was. Chenle assured him that they could do everything that their hyungs did when they were dating as a couple (“Besides, we’ve been on a lot of dates through Chenji’s, especially this year.” “That’s not— that’s work, Chenle.” “It was not just a schedule to me, Jisung.”) .
“You’re unbelievable, Zhong Chenle.” Jisung breathed as he closed the gap, lips brushing the other’s.
“and yet you like me,” Chenle replied, finishing with his tongue swiping the other’s lower lips.
“Yes, I like you.”
“I like you too, Park Jisung.”
(“Can we move to the bed now? You’ve been on the floor for six hours.” “Six hours? Shit. It’s 5 AM. We need to get some sleep. Let’s go, get up. Let’s sleep.” “…” “I’ll make it up to you when we get home.” At my place.” “At your place.”)