Chapter Text
Asami sat down at her desk with a sigh of relief. It had been a long day. They were all long days nowadays, but this one had been longer than most. Meetings followed by meetings followed by mountains of paperwork, none of which she'd been able to pay much attention to. Still, she was finally home, and ready to get started on something actually important.
She put down her steaming mug of tea, pulled up a blank sheet of paper, and grabbed her pen.
Dear Korra,
I miss you.
Asami stopped and stared. All day she'd been thinking about this letter. She'd thought she'd finally worked up the nerve to say - or write - what she'd been wanting to write for months. But now her hand trembled.
I always say I miss you. Because I always do. Things at Future Industries are going smoothly. Most of the plans I've had for Republic City are in motion or even all wrapped up. I'm especially proud of what I've done with one of the city parks.
Asami stopped again. Chit-chat about work? Really? Well, it was a safe topic. Light. She could start with that to ease into the things she actually wanted to write.
I wish you were here to see it. And not just because I want to show off. The truth is, it often feels like my life has been put on pause these last few years. My career is going great, but everything that's not my career feels like it's frozen in time, waiting for something to set it into motion again.
Asami sighed. Well, here it was. The only way back was to crumple up the paper and throw it away. It wouldn't be the first time.
And I know what that something is. It's someone. It's you, Korra. I know it's a terrible thing to say. But without you, I feel like I'm just going through the motions while I wait for you to return to Republic City. Sometimes I think the only reason I keep so busy is so that your absence doesn't completely overwhelm me.
Asami grabbed her mug and took a sip of tea. It didn't do nearly enough to calm her nerves. Was she going too far? Should she be this honest?
On the other hand, she hadn't mentioned the sleepless nights. Or that she - very rarely - broke down in tears for no reason at all (for one very specific reason she was very well aware of).
But she'd resolved to finally tell Korra how she really felt, even if how she really felt was incredibly messy. One big reason the hours had crawled past today was because every minute she had to spend in a meeting was a minute she couldn't spend writing this exact letter.
The truth is, I regret not coming with you to the Southern Water Tribe to help you recover. I tell myself that my work in Republic City is very important, but it's not enough. Hasn't been in a long while. From the outside, I might look like a successful businesswoman with a bright future ahead of her, but the truth is I would gladly give it all up just to be with you.
Asami considered that last sentence for a while, then crossed it out so thoroughly it was impossible to tell what it had been.
I know you said some time alone would do you good. But that was when we all thought you'd be gone for a few weeks, maybe a few months. Now I keep having this wild idea that, since everything at Future Industries is going smoothly, I could delegate my responsibilities, and head over to the Southern Water Tribe to help you in any way I can. But, I won't. Not unless you want me to.
Deep breaths, deep breaths. Almost there.
Korra, I don't want to put any pressure on you. I don't want you to feel guilty about anything. I don't expect anything from you. I want you to do what's best for you.
But I also want you to know that if you want me by your side, I will go to you. Without doubt, hesitation, or regret. Whatever you need me to do to help you, or make things easier for you, or whatever it is you need, I will do it. Because there's something I've come to realise while you were away. Something I maybe should have realised sooner. There's a reason I feel like my life is stuck and waiting to start again. Why I feel like I'm just pointlessly killing time until you're back.
Korra, I love you.
Asami
Asami took the letter with shaking hands. The adrenaline rushing through her system made her whole body tremble. She read over what she'd written and hated it. Hated every single word of it. It hadn't come out right. It never came out right. Every time she'd written this letter, she'd ended up screwing it up.
She wanted to be honest with Korra. She wanted to tell her how she felt. But she also wanted to put it in a way that would support Korra somehow. That she was there for Korra, without Korra having to be there for her. But every time she put pen to paper, what she ended up with was 'Korra, I love you, so hurry up and get better already so you can come back to me' or 'Korra, I love you, so let me into your private space during this difficult time'.
She couldn't put that extra weight on Korra. She had a difficult enough time already. It wouldn't be fair to make her feel responsible for having to manage Asami's emotions on top of everything else. It would only drive her away.
Part of Asami wished that if Korra knew that she loved her, that would make her feel better somehow. Lift her spirits. That she would let Asami become her light in the darkness, that she could cling to even in her worst moments.
But what were the odds of that?