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“Gaius. How’s Merlin?” that voice was definitely Arthur’s.
Merlin’s stomach cramped mercilessly in fear. If this went wrong, everything would have been for nothing. Arthur just needed to buy into the lie. The door to his room was slightly ajar, which meant that Merlin could hear every word that was being said. Or he would have been able to if Gaius hadn’t muffled his voice down. Probably to give the illusion that Merlin needed rest and couldn’t be woken. Nonetheless Merlin was ready when both of them came closer to his room, to check on him. Putting his head down, Merlin ignored how the room still spun when he closed his eyes. Just for a few minutes. Just until Arthur is convinced. The bandages on Merlin’s wrists and torso itched. They weren’t needed, but they were part of the plan to convince Arthur that Merlin was definitely not magic. Not a chance.
It had been only Merlin’s quick thinking that saved him from at best execution back in that cell. Bandits had captured them, and they seemed to know exactly who they had on their hands. King Arthur. And he would make a pretty dime too. Not to talk about the coin they would be able to make with the five knights who accompanied their king. So when their entire hunting party had been brought to a gloomy looking castle, that was really just an overglorified basement, all of them were chained with cold iron. It turns out that the effects of cold iron were harsh on Merlin and pretty much started immediately. So as Merlin sat in his cell, stiff limbed, with clammy skin and about to vomit he had to make a decision. Either he was going to do nothing and risk Arthur making the connection that he has magic or he was going to go with plan B. It was a convenient plan, really. Merlin had already had a small cut on his shoulder, from the initial attack. Nothing to worry about. Except for infection. If he could just reach up and aggravate the wound and then make it look a bit worse than it initially was, with the nails sticking out of his chains, then he could pretend to be injured. Feign delirium from infection and all of his symptoms would be explained away. So he did it.
Merlin gave a small wince as he remembered digging the nail into his wound and just… pulling. Right at that moment Arthur entered his chamber. Merlin quickened his breath, as if he was fighting off a fever. He couldn’t see anything but he heard that Arthur had stopped in his tracks, when he had entered. Merlin knew that he didn’t look good. In fact he looked like he had been dragged through hell and back, with the way his cheeks looked hollow, his skin ashen and the bandages still bloody. Which might have been slightly exaggerated with Gaius’ help. “Merlin-“
Then everything went very fast. Arthur strode to his bed with a speed that Merlin wasn’t even aware when exactly he stood next to him. He almost flinched when a hand gently felt around for his fever. Which was quite high, again the cold iron had thoroughly fucked him over. Was still fucking him over to be honest. Arthur sounded choked up, when he talked next. “How- how is he holding up?”, everybody knew what Arthur was really asking. Is he going to make it?
“His wound was already deeply infected when you brought him to me. Tonight we’ll fight his fever as best as we can and tomorrow I’ll be able to say more.” When Arthur didn’t say anything for a long time Gaius spoke up yet again. “Sire, Merlin is young and strong. There is no reason to assume the worst. We must let him rest now if-“
“Actually-“ Arthur quickly interrupted. “If it’s no trouble I would like to stay with him for a little while.” Merlin could literally hear Gaius head working out his answer. Send him away or I swear- “I think it would be best if-“ Gaius was interrupted again. “Please.” Arthur spoke in a quiet voice. “If the worst does come to be- I would never forgive myself if I didn’t stay.”
Merlin had no idea what was going on when a long silence stretched out. But eventually Gaius footsteps slowly echoed out of Merlin’s room. Arthur didn’t follow. That traitor-
All rage dissipated from Merlin’s body when Arthur moved as soon as the door had closed. He hurried to the other side of Merlin’s bed to grab onto the cold water, set on his side table. Merlin almost sighed in gratitude when the cold cloth was pressed to his flushed skin. While the room had stopped spinning, the nausea was still awful.
Merlin could feel his insides clenching in guilt, when he thought about his lie. It was awful back in those cells, when it became apparent that Merlin was not well. The frantic voices of his friends, Arthurs voice calling out to him. Knowing that he didn’t have to steady himself by the wall only to slowly slide down in agony quite so dramatically. Angling his shoulder just right so Arthur could see the blood stain, just not how bad it was. Letting out a few pained groans. All that had come almost naturally. As the cold iron took away all of his strength, his warmth and his will to live he felt miserable enough to sell it. But he was aware enough. He could tell when he was spoken to and when Leon had reached through the thin bars of his cell at the same time as Arthur did, he knew who to reach out for. Even half delirious and fever ridden Merlin did know that it was too risky to come too close to Arthur. Don’t let him get suspicious.
It didn’t matter. Not in the end. Because somewhere between being on his way to Leon , right after black dots begun dancing in Merlin’s vision, and waking up to Arthur carrying him, Merlin obviously had no say in who came near him.
It had been scary. Being slung over Arthurs shoulder while the ridiculous man was in the middle of running. He could hear the others. It took him some time to realize that they weren’t being chased. His hearing had gone in and out. Even if someone had noticed that he was awake, he wouldn’t have understood why they were running.
But then Merlin did realize. When they had stopped, very briefly, and Arthur had gently set him down. Propped his body up on his own, in a position that Merlin would count as a hug, and tease Arthur mercilessly for if the circumstances had been different. He was so surprised when Arthur tried to get some water down his throat, that he choked on it. In that moment Merlin had begun believing his own story, that he was ill. That he was dying.
“I thought that I lost you.” He expected Arthur’s grip on his hand to be fierce, but it was oh so gentle. “I almost lost you.” Arthur didn’t cry, but Merlin could hear him weep nonetheless.
Merlin’s vision was blurry when he woke up. Seeing barely any shapes and feeling an itching pressure on his wrists he startled viciously. His magic was barely there. Where was he? Still in his cell? In the forest- left behind? Before he could fall off of the side of his bed a hand shot out to steady him. Arthur. Arthur was here he realized as he quieted his breaths and suppressed his whimpers that did not exclusively come from the pain in his shoulder and wrists.
"It's okay, it’s okay-“ he was pulled up into a strong chest. “You’re home Merlin. It’s okay, I’ve got you.” It took a few seconds for Merlin’s body to relax. Still in pain and nauseous. When he did, he turned his face into the crook of Arthur’s neck, melting against him. “I’ve got you.”
“Arthur.”
“Merlin.”
It was silent for a few minutes. It was dawning, judging how there was barely any light in the room. But Merlin could still make himself out in the mirror. He inhaled sharply. “I look like a corpse.” Arthur tensed above him, tightening his arms around Merlin. Thinking back on how he had reacted when he had first entered the room Merlin winced sympathetically. He might have thought that he was a corpse, even if just for a second.
“Hardly.” Arthur put some space between the two of them. He mustered Merlin playfully. “Come to think of it- I think it might have even gotten some color onto your face.”
Both of them chuckled at that. But Arthurs smile fell when Merlin didn’t retort back. His eyes still a little glassy. His gaze unfocused. Arthurs eyes wandered to Merlin’s injured shoulder. For a second he saw him as he was just a few hours ago, blood staining his shirt, eyes closed and pale.
“Back there before we broke open the lock on your cell-“ Arthur watched his love carefully, not wanting to overwhelm the injured man. He’d been through enough due to Arthur’s stupidity already. “I thought…” The blonde hesitated. “I did think that you were dead.”
Merlin’s stomach dropped. Had he looked that bad? Arthur pulled his focus back when he continued talking. “At first we could hear you breathe heavily. Then I guess your breathing was too flat to hear.” He reached up to cradle Merlin’s cheek. Catching his eyes and holding his gaze. “I think I would have sat beside you and never left if that were the case. Held your hand and told you all the things I was too cowardly to say while you were still alive.” He pulled Merlin closer, breathless. “The things that you deserved to hear.”
Merlin let himself fall into the kiss. Heart heavier and lighter than it had been in a long time.