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San Francisco thrummed deep in Marlene’s bones as she trudged up a cluttered street lined with bright shop lights and deep shadows.
It was the shadows Marlene had to watch out for. Shadows had the uncanny ability to make someone question what they know, and the loss of security can be enough to drive you mad. Madness is a fickle thing, and Marlene was determined to protect her sanity. Sometimes sanity was all she could rely on, as flaky as it was.
Marlene gazed over her shoulder, letting out a transparent puff of air. Soon she would be able to see her breath when she exhaled, but for now the weather was stuck in a blissful in-between. The further up the street she climbed, the more she could appreciate the way the city enveloped her entire being, intertwining amongst her flesh and soul. Moving here all those years ago was one of the best decisions she had ever made.
Marlene turned back around. Despite it only being October, nights got chilly quick, and the warmly lighted shopfronts grew increasingly enticing the more she walked. Luckily, she would reach her destination not two minutes later.
She glanced over her shoulder once again, as if to will the shadows against following her inside. Marlene pulled open the heavy black door to her favorite hole-in-the-wall coffee shop: Black Cat Roasts.
Walking inside, she was immediately hit with the scent of fresh coffee and worn paper, comforting and oddly nostalgic. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Black Cat Roasts never seemed truly busy, but they must have got enough business, since they had been open for as long as Marlene could remember.
“Hey, McKinnon! Haven’t seen you in a while,” a voice called, tugging Marlene back to reality.
“Hm, I know, it’s been what,” Marlene counted on her fingers, faux seriously mouthing along the numbers as she went. “Seven hours?” She grinned at her roommate and close friend slash barista, Sirius Black.
“The usual?” Sirius asked with a knowing smile, already punching her order into the register.
“You know me too well, Black.”
At that, Sirius nodded and rang her up, while Marlene reached into her jacket pocket and handed over the amount due, almost as if by habit. He turned away and started making her drink, a hot green tea latte. Marlene dropped onto one of the barstools near the coffee machines, letting her patched, tan messenger bag sink to the floor. She brushed her choppy bleach-blonde hair out of her face and sighed, leaned her chin on her hand, and looked around, observing the shop around her.
The rustic bottle lights hanging from the ceiling provided a comfortable, warm glow, basking the worn-in sofas, tables, lounge chairs, as well as the few people milling about, in a homely, lived in light. Old rugs covered the scuffed wood floors. Faded pictures of a historical San Francisco and pages from various books covered the walls. It was nothing short of inviting, and Marlene felt like she belonged, despite the slight juxtaposition of her rough appearance.
Sirius set a steaming mug filled with a muted green liquid in front of Marlene, as he asked about her day.
“It was alright, had to deal with some grumpy old lady wearing this crazy bird hat asking about where we kept the books about gardening. And when I told her, she said that she didn’t believe me because they,” Marlene raised her fingers, scrunching them into sarcastic finger quotes, her face deadpan. “‘Weren’t over there last time she popped in.’ When I told her that we moved some things around the other day, she looked at me like I had just killed her dog, scoffed, and then stormed out! I’ll never understand how people think they’re so entitled, the bookshop they come into maybe once a year would consider their feelings when they move a few fucking things around.” Marlene huffed, and then took a sip of her latte. It was still too hot, and so she set it back down again with a clink, silently mourning the taste buds she burnt off.
Sirius shook his head, long black curls flopping around his pale face.“Damn. Well, you know what they say about retail, every time a crabby old lady barges into a store, the employee that has to deal with her looses a year off their life span.”
“I’ve never heard that expression before,” Marlene mused absentmindedly, attempting another sip at her drink. Still too hot.
“That’s ‘cuz I just made it up. It was a shit expression, too, dunno why anyone would even say it,” Sirius grins, shrugging away from Marlene’s half-hearted glare.
“Oh! Anyways, have you listened to My Morning Jacket recently?” Sirius asked, glancing up at the door that chimed when a costumer walked through.
“No, why, have they got anything new? Haven’t really been listening to them as of late, they're more of James’ thing.” Marlene watched Sirius as he inched towards the register to take the customer’s order, still looking her way while she finished speaking. When the customer walked away and he moved to make their drink, he started talking again.
“Yeah, a few months ago. June, I wanna say. It’s this album called 'Evil Urges'. Has this song called Highly Suspicious, reminded me of you. James was listening to it the other day, ‘s probably why it popped into my head just now. You should listen to it, he let me download everything onto my iPod, barely had enough space.”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll steal it from you later, I…” Marlene trailed off, as the coolest person she had ever seen walked through the Black Cat’s front door. Marlene had only seen one or two people out in public wearing full gothic attire, and the girl that had just walked in had held no punches whatsoever. Her short, textured black hair was teased, drawing attention to her extensive eyeliner and lacy black dress. She had an impressive array of silver jewelry, which complemented her dark skin well.
Sirius handed the previous customer their drink, following Marlene’s line of sight to the goth that had just swept in. He chuckled and moved towards the register again, winking at Marlene when she shot him an annoyed look.
“Welcome to the Black Cat, what can I get for you?” Sirius asked the goth when she approached the register.
“Hello,” The girl smiles. Marlene loses it a little more, her smile is beautiful. “I’ll take a hot hazelnut coffee with vanilla, please.”
“Awesome, can I get a name for the drink?”
“Dorcas,” The girl, Dorcas, provides.
“That’ll be $3.25. I love your earrings, by the way.” Sirius said, nodding towards Dorcas’ dangly moon earrings.
“Thanks, I made them myself. I like your rings.”
Sirius glanced at his hands, both of which adorned multiple rings, varying in shape, size, and color. “Thank you,” He smiled genuinely. “I’ll have your coffee out in a sec.”
Dorcas returned the smile and strode to a squashy armchair in the corner, pulling out a well-loved leather notebook and a pen. When Marlene looked closer, she saw that the pen was purple.
“…lene. Marlene. Earth to Marls. Snap out of it, woman, come on,” Marlene blinked, turning in her seat to look at Sirius.
“Sorry, did you say something?” Marlene asked, ears reddening as she realized she had been staring at Dorcas since she had walked in. There was no way that had gone unnoticed.
“Nothing, just wondering if spacing out at random people was suddenly socially acceptable, but it looks like you’ve recovered. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to explaining to my new friend Dorcas over there that my good buddy Marlene is, in fact, not a creep, just incredibly queer and easily distracted.”
“You’re a dick, you know that?” Marlene gave Sirius an exasperated look and tried drinking her latte again. This time, it wasn’t too hot.
“I’ve been told once or twice. On a separate note, I get off in, like, ten. Do you wanna grab takeout? Or do you wanna keep staring at cute goths while they order coffee.” The last sentence was stated, not asked. Sirius looked unimpressed, but his eyes held a teasing glimmer.
Marlene smirked and gestured vaguely forward. “You mean the coffee that’s sitting on the counter in front of you, completely made and ready to drink?”
“Shit, I completely forgot.” Sirius looked up to where Dorcas had sat down. Louder than when he was talking to Marlene, he called out: “Dorcas, your order’s ready!”
Dorcas finished what she was writing in her notebook, tucking the pen behind her ear. She stood up, placing the notebook on the armchair where she had previously sat. She walked up to the counter next to where Marlene was sitting, taking her drink from Sirius with a nod and a smile. When she went to sit back down, she placed wiry headphones into her ears, presumably hooked up to something that was playing music out of Marlene's view.
“I wonder what she’s listening to,” Marlene mused, scratching behind her ear, deep in thought.
“Only you would think that immediately after seeing someone put on earbuds. I figure most people see someone privately listening to music and decide to leave them alone.”
“Hey, the type of music people listen to tells a lot about their character. For example, I know that you’re some punk idiot because you listen to more Bad Religion than the average human being should.” She listened to Bad Religion, too, but that was besides the point.
Once you opened up about music to Marlene, you couldn’t shake her. Five years ago, Sirius put on a Ramones CD while he was making breakfast the day after Marlene had responded to his ad for a roommate. They’d hardly been apart since.
Sirius spluttered in protest. “Bad Religion’s a good band! Besides, you have no room to talk, you think At the Drive-In is better than oxygen.”
Marlene crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Well, excuse you, At the Drive-In isbetter than oxygen.”
“At least Bad Religion’s songs don’t last, like, an entire century. They’re short and sweet. Right to the point.”
“Fuck off, most of 'em aren't even that long! You're just jealous that At the Drive-In's got range,” Marlene frowned. "Hold on, youlikeAt the Drive-In! You fucking hypocrite-"
“Good lord, are you two bickering about music again? I swear every time I come in here for my shift y’all are arguing about the same damn thing.” Another voice chimed in, breaking up Sirius and Marlene’s conversation.
“Oh, hey, Mary. And we weren’t arguing, we were having a passionate conversation defending our honor via music taste.” Sirius said, putting on his most innocent face while Mary tied her apron on, careful to avoid messing up her hair.
“Sure, man, sure. Either way, your shift’s over.”
Sirius glanced at the clock on the wall above the doorway that led to the back of the shop. Mary was right, it was time for him to clock out. “Huh. Okay then Marls, I’m gonna finish up in the back real fast, then we can grab some food. Deal?” He stuck out his hand over the counter, in front of Marlene.
Marlene rolled her eyes and shook his hand. “Deal.”
With that, Sirius grinned and spun around, untying his apron as he went.
“How’s it going, Mary? Haven’t talked to you in a while.” Marlene asked, shifting her attention back to Sirius’ coworker.
“Not too shabby, I finished knitting a sweater, I’ll have to show you some time.”
“Wow, really? I don’t know you could knit! That's so cool, I've always wanted to learn how to knit, just never got around to it,”
Marlene spotted Sirius exiting the back room, and stood up from her stool, gathering her bag and downing what was left of her drink, handing the empty mug over the counter.
They both waved goodbye to Mary, and with Marlene’s final look over her shoulder, she found Dorcas, who was bopping her head slightly along to whatever she was listening to, scribbling furiously in her notebook. Marlene turned her head back around and, with Sirius, stepped out of the Back Cat and onto the noisy street. The door clicked softly behind them, and off they set.
***
Three days later, Marlene opened the door of the Black Cat once again, this time with Sirius’ boyfriend, Remus, in tow. They had plans to pick Sirius up and go see some dumb music rom-com that Sirius had heard about in passing and decided he had to go and watch, dragging the nearest two people, which happened to be Marlene and Remus, down with him.
“Do you know anything about this movie other than the fact that Sirius is weirdly obsessed with it?” Marlene asked Remus while they walked up to the counter next to the register to wait for Sirius.
“Michael Cera’s in it, I’m pretty sure. He’s in a band..? Dunno if that’s totally accurate, Sirius was really vague when he was telling me about it.” Remus ran his hand through his short, curly brown hair, moving it out of his scarred, slightly tan and freckled, face. He looked down at Marlene--he was an infuriating 6’3, which made Marlene’s 5’8 seem insignificant--and shrugged.
“Fucking Michael Cera, I swear to god that man’s been in everything lately. I’ll be watching a movie, and then, boom! Michael Cera, in all of his stupid dorky glory.”
Remus chuckled, bewildered. “What do you have against Michael Cera? He seems like a normal enough guy.”
“Nothing, I just don’t get the appeal. Like you said, he’s just a regular guy.”
Mary, who had been at the register, interjected. “He’s cute, in an awkward, charming way. Not quite sure why, he just seems sweet. Oh, Sirius is in the back, probably getting ready to leave. And Marlene, look, I’m wearing the sweater I was telling you about.” Mary held her arms out and twirled slowly, showing off a chunky maroon sweater.
Marlene shook her head. “I still don’t understand the appeal.” She smiled. “Also, Mary, that sweater is so sick! How long did it take to make?”
Mary's smile only grew in size.“Only a few days, it would have taken less time if I didn’t have work.”
Marlene nodded, and Mary opened her mouth like she was going to say something else, but someone had approached the register to order, and she turned away to help them. Marlene turned back to Remus and offered a closed-mouth smile, which he returned.
Looking around the Black Cat, a certain someone sitting in a large armchair in the corner caught Marlene’s attention. It was the pretty goth from the other day, Dorcas, sitting in what must have become her usual spot. Today, she was dressed slightly more casual, but her jewelry and makeup remained a statement.
Marlene must have been staring, and Remus, who must have followed her line of sight, chuckled and muttered something that sounded a lot like Looks like Marls has a little crush, but Marlene shoved her fingerless gloved hands into the pockets of her worn army green bomber jacket and pointedly ignored him with a scowl.
It was no more than a few seconds later when Marlene felt a tap on her shoulder, finding an excited Sirius standing to her right. Remus looked over too, and broke out into a smile. “Hey, Sirius. How was your day so far?”
“Pretty okay, better now that you’re here.” Sirius smiled back, looking up at Remus.
Marlene silently faked a gag, then took her friends by their arms. “You two can be gross and sappy later, but right now we have a movie to catch.” She looked over to Mary, who was in the middle of making a drink. “Bye, Mary! See you later!”
Remus and Sirius also bid Mary goodbye, and Mary responded with a smile and a wave. Before they really started to leave the Black Cat, Marlene set her gaze towards Dorcas, who she found to already be looking at her. Marlene gave her a small smile, which Dorcas mirrored. Someone on the other side of the shop coughed, and when Marlene tore her eyes away, she found that both Remus and Sirius were giving her the same annoying, knowing look.
“Quiet, men, we have a shitty Michael Cera movie to watch.” Marlene declared.
And with that, she marched the three of them out of the shop and up the cracked street towards the theater. The shadows in between alleyways and underneath windowsills seemed a just little dimmer.
***
Over the course of the next three weeks, Marlene went to work, frequented Black Cat Roasts, and played her music much too loud. She had taken Sirius’ iPod when he wasn’t looking, and listened to the My Morning Jacket album he had told her about. When Marlene heard the song that Sirius said reminded him of her, she snorted and made a mental note to chuck something at him next time they were in the same room. Halloween came and went, and instead of going out, Marlene and her friends squeezed together in James and his girlfriend Lily’s cramped living room and watched cheesy old horror movies.
Marlene’s friend Peter ended up attempting to see how many marshmallows, that Lily had decorated to look like witches, he could fit into his mouth at once, setting the record at twenty three. Sirius had tried to break Peter’s record, but tapped out at sixteen. No one tried to best Peter’s record after that.
At the beginning of November, Marlene was bored out of her mind at work. Occasionally, she was allowed to play her own music over the speakers, but she lost her privileges for a while after too many parents complained about the “inappropriate lyrics” and "senseless noise".
It was a particularly slow day, especially since Marlene was stuck at the register. She had begun reading in-between the sparse customers that needed help checking out, but eventually she could no longer focus on the words inked onto the pages. When all seemed lost, and Marlene had decided to succumb to the boredom, she heard the bells fastened above the front door chime.
Dorcas was standing right in the bookshop, surveying the shelves. She eventually noticed Marlene behind the register, and smiled a little in recognition. Over the past few weeks, they had begun giving each other small waves and grins. Sirius had been teasing Marlene about it for just as long.
Dorcas walked across the shop to Marlene, holding the smile, which Marlene returned in kind.
“I was wondering if you guys had any stationary? Like notebooks?” Dorcas asked.
“Uh, yeah! I’m pretty sure we have some in stock, they should be over there,” Marlene pointed to the far corner of the shop, where a battered shelf containing notebooks and art supplies stood.
Dorcas sighed in what Marlene took to be relief. “Thank god, I realized that I had filled up my old notebook this morning, and I wasn’t sure if there was a place to buy them anywhere near me.” With that, she gave Marlene a thankful look, and moved to look at the notebooks.
Marlene tried not to stare, but she couldn’t help herself. She wasn’t used to seeing Dorcas outside of the Black Cat, and she was certainly not used to holding a conversation with her, even if it was about something as menial as stationary.
A few minutes later, Dorcas returned to where Marlene was waiting, carrying two small black notebooks and various pens and markers, most of which were shades of purple.
“Anything else I can help you with?” Marlene took the supplies Dorcas had offered her, typing the prices on the tags into their seemingly ancient register system.
“No, but you’ve been really helpful, thank you.” Dorcas said. She shifted her attention to some of the patches on Marlene’s bomber jacket. “Hey, is that a Misfits patch? I love the Misfits.”
“Yeah, it is! Dude, the Misfits fuckin' rock. Do you prefer Danzig or Graves?” Marlene finished ringing Dorcas up. “Your total is $13.68, by the way.”
“Oh, Danzig, hundred percent. Can’t go wrong with Evil Elvis.” Dorcas took her wallet out of her jacket pocket, and handed Marlene her card.
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying! My friend Sirius likes both about the same, and I like the Graves stuff, but it’s hard to top Danzig. Dude made history.” Marlene finished the transaction, giving Dorcas her card and a paper bag containing her purchases.
Marlene snuck a look at her watch. She got off in three minutes. She knew that there were two other people working, one of which was going to take over the register once she left.
“Hey, are you going to the Black Cat after this? I get off in less than five minutes and I was planning on walking over there after my shift. If you’re heading there too, we could walk together?”
Dorcas looked a little surprised, but not uncomfortable, at Marlene’s question. “Yeah, that’s where I was gonna go after I bought the notebooks. Walking together sounds nice.”
Marlene felt her body relax, releasing nervous tension she didn’t even notice had built up after she had asked Dorcas to walk with her.
“Cool, lemme clock out real fast, and I’ll meet you out front?” Marlene tried to ignore how fast her heart was racing.
Dorcas nodded and turned to leave the bookshop. Marlene clocked out and retrieved her bag from the office in the back. One of her coworkers took over the register, and gave Marlene a nod as she departed.
Like she had promised, Dorcas was waiting outside the bookshop, and looked mildly relieved that Marlene had showed up.
Marlene grinned. “Shall we?” She joked, waving her arm in front of them in the direction of the Black Cat.
Dorcas grinned just as enthusiastically. “We shall.” And off they went, starting up another conversation about music, which stemmed into movies, which stemmed into books, and writing. As they neared Black Cat Roasts, Marlene remembered that every time she had seen Dorcas up until then, she had been writing intently.
“I have a question, and you totally don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but what kind of stuff do you write? I feel like every time I see you you’re writing something.”
Dorcas smiled even wider than she had been, but there was a timid lilt to the quirk of her lips. “I write poetry! Mostly about my feelings or experiences, but sometimes I write about people or places that I find interesting.”
“Really? Dude, that’s rad! I try writing sometimes, when I need to get my thoughts on paper, but it’s my buddy Remus that can really write stories or songs. I have so much respect for people that have that talent, it’s so fucking cool. Have you written anything about the Black Cat?”
“I have, actually. It’s such a magical place, and some of the people that are there all the time are so different ascetically, but they just fit in so well. It’s really enjoyable to write about.” If Marlene didn’t know any better, she could have sworn that Dorcas was blushing.
“Woah, wild. Wait, by people do you mean Sirius? He’s too…Sirius-y to match the Black Cat.”
Dorcas laughed a little. “Yes, I mean Sirius. But I also mean you.”
Now it was Marlene’s turn to redden. “Me? You’ve written about me?” Marlene ran her fingers through her layered hair, making it slightly messier than before.
“I hope that’s okay. You’re sort of loud and opinionated, you're a bit hard to miss. In a good way. And when people talk to you, it’s like watching a people magnet in action. I couldn’t help but write about it.” Dorcas looked slightly sheepish, and...hopeful?
“Wow, I don’t know what to say,” Dorcas’ expression faltered a bit. Marlene realized Dorcas had taken what she had said the wrong way, and waved her arms in front of her frantically. “I’m honored, of course, and obviously I don't mind, but I never thought I was interesting enough to write poems about.”
“Thank God, I was worried you’d be upset.” Dorcas looked pleased, and looked ahead, up the street. “I’ve made people turn away from me after I told them about my poems.”
“No, no, I’m super flattered, I promise.” Marlene’s smile felt like it was about to take up her entire face, and she was positive she looked just like a cherry tomato.
It was about this time that they reached the Black Cat. Marlene opened the door for Dorcas and asked her one more question. “What do you listen to when you’re writing? I’m always curious, and whenever I look over at you, you seem, like, really focused.”
Dorcas regarded Marlene’s question with an expression that looked almost fond. “Switchblade Symphony’s album, ‘Serpentine Gallery.’”
That’s when Marlene realized she was gone beyond saving, shadows be damned.
Dorcas entered the coffee shop, Marlene quickly catching up to her. Sirius looked up, saw the two of them together, and promptly dropped the espresso glass he was holding. It fell to the ground with a satisfying CRASH!
***
From then on, whenever Marlene and Dorcas were in the Black Cat together--which was more often than not--they struck up a conversation. They eventually exchanged numbers, and ended up hanging out outside of the quaint coffee shop.
Dorcas had found her muse. Marlene, albeit unknowingly, helped Dorcas organize her thoughts into countless filled notebooks.
Marlene would bring Dorcas purple flowers to press between the pages.
Marlene really should have known when Dorcas nervously handed her a folded up piece of paper with her name written in it in purple ink, while they sat in a secluded area of Golden Gate Park.
She really should have known when the paper contained a love poem.
She began to understand when they kissed, slow and sure and sweet and awkward and perfect.
And she did know when they pulled apart, and Marlene agreed to be Dorcas’ girlfriend.
With Dorcas, Marlene found herself questioning what she thought she knew, in the best possible way. Love, like shadows, can make one loose their rationality, their sanity, even if it’s just a little. But when Marlene beamed ear to ear, Dorcas wearing the same ecstatic smile, madness is something the two of them can share.
What’s more poetic than that?