Work Text:
Jared had been working diligently on the new budget plan for Pied Piper all day, and yet he was still way behind. He sighed and prepared for a long night.
"Hey, uh, Jared? A bunch of us are going out for some drinks. Do you want to come?" Richard asked.
Jared was immensely flattered that Richard had invited him. He wanted nothing more than to spend time outside of work with Richard, but the budget wasn't going to make itself.
"I would love to, but I'm afraid I have a lot of work that needs to get done. Thank you for the offer, though."
"Oh. Okay. Well, um, have a good night, Jared," Richard said awkwardly.
"Thanks. You too," Jared said as he watched Richard leave the house. He sighed, wishing he could've joined them.
"For what it's worth, I think you could do better."
Jared jumped. He thought they'd all left.
"Oh hello, Carla. I thought you'd went home for the night."
Carla shrugged. "I had some stuff I needed to get done."
Jared nodded, still confused. "What do you mean, I could do better?"
"Well, Richard's kind of a dork. And he doesn't exactly have his shit together, you know? And I see better looking guys on the street like, every day. I just think there's probably some better potential mates out there for you."
Jared considered denying it, but it might help to talk it out with someone. "Is it that obvious?"
Carla smiled. "Probably not to everyone. I'm a very perceptive person," she said, sitting in the chair opposite him. "And just so you know, I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. But I still don't get what you see in him. He's like the human version of a weird, shaking chihuahua that throws up in your car all the time."
Jared laughed, a little flustered. She thought richard felt the same? She's probably just saying that. "I don't know, he's just.....I feel like we would be good together. He's so smart, and so passionate about his work and he just makes me feel- where are you going?" Jared asked as carla stood.
"If I'm gonna listen to you gush about richard all night, I'm gonna need a beer or two. You want anything?"
Jared normally only drank on special occasions. But this was the most carla had ever said to him in one sitting, so he considered that special enough.
A few beers later, the two had completely abandoned their work and were engaging in an in-depth analysis of Jared and Richard's relationship.
Jared groaned. "I just wish I could decide if it was worth it. Telling him how I feel. Sometimes I think it is, but then I just think about all the bad things that could happen. I don't know."
Carla stood and grabbed a stack of index cards from a nearby drawer. "Sounds like we need some advanced decision making tactics!" She said, grinning.
A few minutes later, Jared's SWOT board was in the middle of the living room.
"Okay," Carla said as she pulled out a sharpie. "Let's start with the basics. Strength- There's a good chance richard will like jared back." She taped the card to the first quadrant of the board.
Jared laughed. "I thought you said the SWOT method was stupid?"
"That was before it nearly got gilfoyle and dinesh killed."
"Well, a weakness should be that richard could not feel the same."
"Opportunity- mutual feelings result in a relationship," Carla added.
"Threat- Confession results in richard firing jared out of disgust."
Carla scoffed. "Erlich wouldn't let richard fire you for something like that. I know he acts like he hates you, but he has mad respect for your business skills. You're too essential to get fired."
Jared grinned at her, flattered. "I'm still putting it on the board, just to represent worst-case senarios."
As the night went on and the number of beers in the house decreased, the SWOT board was filled with a multitude of brightly colored index cards, outlining every possibility they could think of.
"Opportunity- Pied Piper gets attention from social justice warriors because of our gay ceo!" Carla said, giggling.
"Threat- The social justice warriors dig into our personal lives and deem Pied piper 'problematic'." Jared added.
"Weakness- Richard is a fucking nerd, jared's reputation suffers because of their relationship," Carla hicupped.
Jared's face fell as the door swung open.
"Hey, guys. What are you still doing here?" Richard asked.
Carla swallowed nervously. All she could think of was gilfoyle's story about the douchey homicide guy walking in on his SWOT board. What was it with the SWOT method and attracting it's subjects?
"Um, we were just getting some work done. What are you doing back? Where's everybody else?" Carla asked, praying richard wouldn't turn around.
"You know me, I can't be social for too long without getting drained. The others are still out, but I decided to turn in early."
Carla nodded. "We'll be quiet. You get some rest."
"Eh, I might stay up a little longer. So what are you guys working on?"
Jared felt his face go crimson as soon as richard turned to the board. He wanted so badly to dissappear.
"'Tell richard how jared feels'?" he said, sounding confused.
"We were just fucking around, richard, please don't-"
"'Opportunity- Carla has an awesome story to tell at richard and jared's wedding'?"
"That one was mine. Please richard let me explain-" Carla was trying desperately to save jared. Jared felt like he could cry. This was why he never told people about his feelings.
"'Opportunity- Guilt Jared into naming his and Richard's baby after Carla'?"
"Also me. Richard, we were drinking. We were just dicking around i swear."
Jared had expected richard to be livid, but he didn't sound angry. He collapsed into a fit of giggling and pulled a card off of the board.
"'Opportunity- Hot nerd-on-nerd action' with a drawing of a dick next to it," Richard said, looking at carla.
Jared coughed. "Th-that once was actually mine. The uh, the drawing was her, but...."
"Carla, will you give us a minute please?"
"Of course, yeah," she said, leaving. On her way out, richard whispered something to her. Once she was behind richard, she turned and gave him two enthusiastic thumbs up. Jared smiled, suddenly feeling hopeful.
"So uh, how long have you and Carla been....talking? About this?"
"Just a few hours. I didn't tell anyone else about how I feel. I didn't even want her to know, but she's very intuitive. I wouldn't want to jeopardize anything, this just kind of....happened," Jared finished, defeated. He felt like he should apologize, but he couldn't make himslef be sorry for liking richard.
"How did she react when you told that you were....interested in me, in that way?"
Jared was a little thrown by the question. "She offered to help me figure things out. Why?"
Richard nodded. "So Bighead and Erlich haven't said anything, then. Good."
Jared's eyes went wide. "Bighead and erlich?"
"Yeah. I don't know, it's hard to keep things like this to yourself. I had to tell someone. And Bighead and I have been friends since grade school. We talk about romantic stuff, when there's actually something to say about it." Richard's face was bright red, and jared was sure he matched. He couldn't believe what richard was insinuating. "And then Erlich found out an I'm a shitty liar, so..."
Richard smiled. "You should probably take all these cards down before the others get home. I'm sure you don't want gilfoyle or dinesh seeing this."
Jared nodded. "I will. Goodnight, richard."
Richard surprised jared again by giving him a quick, gentle kiss.
"See you tomorrow morning, jared," Richard said, retreating to his room.
Jared took down the index cards in silence, lips tingling from where richard had been. He decided to save the cards. Carla was right, they might make a good story one day.