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Kili's breathing was even. For now, anyway. There was a slight rasp with his every inhale - no doubt from how he'd coughed himself hoarse not even an hour ago. Fili watched the rise and fall of her brother's chest with rapt attention, never taking her eyes off for a second lest something happen. Logically, of course, they knew that this was nothing life-threatening, and that in a few days their brother would be back to nipping at everyone's heels as if nothing had happened. All the logic in the world, however, couldn't beat back the image of her brother choking on his own blood that was seared into her mind, even all these months later.
Kili groaned quietly. With mechanical movements Fili removed the damp cloth from his forehead and dipped it into the basin of cool water next to them, wringing out the excess and gently placing it back on her brother's head. He gave a relieved sigh, the pained furrow in his brows relaxing somewhat.
Fili wiped away the stray water droplets from his temple and smoothed back his wet bangs. She laid their hand there on top of his head for a minute, caressing his crown with her thumb. His hair was dull and greasy, and when she pulled her hand away there was a shine of oil on her fingertips. She hoped he would feel well enough to wash his hair the next time he woke - just looking at him made her stomach churn.
They sighed. Kili might have been the one tucked into bed, but Fili felt as if she were just as exhausted. There was a deep ache in her bones that made even the simplest tasks seem monumental. If she stared long enough, she swore she could see the image of Kili collapsed at Laketown superimposed on top of her present brother. They'd cut off their own arm if it meant Kili would be rid of this foul illness for good.
At least he can sleep through it this time, she thought to herself, small comfort though it was. It had taken Oin's strongest herbs - dangerously strong, the healer had said - to push past Kili's pain and put him to sleep. And even still, said sleep was by no means peaceful. Fili might not be able to see into their brother's mind, but the distressed muttering and jerking around suggested dreams that were far from sweet. No amount of pleading or gentle touches ever seemed to soothe him, as if he were trapped in his very mind.
Nothing at all gave him any comfort, and didn't that just break Fili's heart? None of Oin's painkillers made his pain bearable, none of Fili's words lifted his despair - not even any of Tauriel's elven magics did anything long enough to be useful. All any of them could do was simply watch and wait for the episode to pass. To Fili, it seemed like every minute that passed builded up upon their shoulders and weighed them down.
“What am I going to do with you…” She murmured, and, of course, not getting any response. The room was frightfully quiet.
The quiet was broken by a rap at the door, making Fili jump in their seat. They tore their eyes away from Kili’s sleeping form and turned to watch Thorin quietly enter the room. He took a chair from the desk across the room and dragged it to Kili’s other side, and then sat down without a word. Fili watched him watch Kili silently.
After a tense minute, Thorin spoke.“You were missed at lunch,” he said, voice jarring after the prolonged quiet. There was slight admonishment in his tone. Fili looked back down at her brother.
“I’ll eat later,” they said. They didn’t need to see Thorin’s face to know he was looking at her skeptically.
“I believe that’s what you said about breakfast, and yet, Bombur says you’ve yet to step foot in the kitchens.”
Fili winced. They’d completely forgotten about breakfast. “I wasn’t hungry,” they tried to say, but Thorin’s sigh cut them off.
“You are , you are simply too caught up in your head to notice,” he said tiredly. “We’ve had this talk before, Fili. Often.”
Fili glowered. “I won’t starve from missing a meal or two, Thorin,” she grumbled. She didn’t think she’d be able to eat much even if they went to find something. Anxiety made their stomach tight and unpleasant.
Thorin’s chair creaked. Fili assumed he was leaning on his knees, now. “And how would your brother feel about this, hm?”
Fili scoffed quietly. “He wouldn’t be surprised. It’s not the first time.”
“But would he be happy to hear it?”
She said nothing.
Thorin sighed again. Somberly, he said, “Your mother worries about you.”
“She shouldn’t.” They squeezed Kili’s hand. “Kili’s the one who’s unwell.”
“Kili will be fine once the day passes,” Thorin pointed out. “Dis is not so sure about you.” Fili could nearly hear the unsaid Neither am I. She pretended not to. Her only concerns at the moment lied with their brother, not with others’ distractedness.
The room fell to quiet once more. Kili’s raspy breaths were the only sound to be heard. Fili felt Thorin’s eyes on her and the ache in their shoulders from sitting at Kili’s bedside for so long. Her focus was solely on her brother - everything else was inconsequential.