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Idia's sleep schedule looked a lot like a rabbit's might; which is to say, near-nonexistent. Gaming, online forums, and Discord chats kept him awake well into ungodly hours, but he liked it that way. Because whenever he closed his eyes, his mind liked to drift back to... that day. Nope. Sleep just wasn't for him. But for the sake of looking semi-functional when he spent the night in Azul's room, he at least pretended to doze off. And then he actually dozed off, and slept fully, and that's what made him bolt upright, gasping for air and shaking uncontrollably.
"Stupid brain..." He tangled his hands in his hair, burying his face in his knees and praying to the Seven that he hadn't woken Azul up. After he managed to regulate his breathing, he glanced over to find an empty bed. Huh. Well, at least he lucked out on that, but Azul was probably in the bathroom and would likely be coming back any moment, so Idia dove back under the covers, half-tempted to pull out his phone and distract himself from the scenes his mind had forced him to witness.
Ten minutes passed, then twenty. Frowning, Idia decided to leave the warm confines of the bed and crept over to the door, being as quiet as possible while he walked down the darkened hallways. A light in the distance pulled him closer, but upon further inspection, it came from the kitchen, not the bathroom. He poked his head around the corner cautiously, finding none other than his missing boyfriend at the counter, digging in to an uncut chocolate cake. From the looks of it, he'd been at it for a while, eyes darting around. Was he nervous? Definitely, but he also seemed embarrassed, almost ashamed of himself. Idia ducked back behind the wall, trying to make sense of the scene. Was he just hungry? Idia was no stranger to late-night snacks during his more intense gaming sessions, but at least he had the decency to cut something that large up. The sound of footsteps grew close, and he looked around in a sudden panic. The walls were all glass looking out into dark waters; nowhere to hide. Screw it, he'd just have to make a break for the bedroom and-
"Idia? What are you doing awake?"
Nuts.
"Just, uh... y'know..." Idia turned back to face Azul, and he didn't fail to notice the barely hidden panic under the cecaelia's features. "Couldn't sleep. Normal gamer habits."
"Oh, I see."
"Yep."
"Did you... see anything?"
"Hmm? S-see what?"
"Nothing. Go back to bed; I'll be there in a moment."
"Yeah, for sure." Idia was feeling more and more confused, but a tinge of dread was tingling at the back of his head. He shook it off. He was just imagining things, probably. Azul watched him leave, but didn't join him, instead waiting a minute or two before heading to the bathroom.
Idia merely kept his hood up over his hair, waiting just out of sight. He was probably just paranoid, but his gut instincts were telling him something was wrong. And if it was just him being anxious over nothing, well, that was normal. He pulled at his sleeves, leaned against the wall and almost ready to give up and just wait in the bedroom before the sound of vomiting came from behind the closed bathroom door.
"I knew it..." He gritted his teeth, sliding down the polished floors and flinging the door open. He knew what to expect, but that didn't stop his heart from sinking deep into the pit of his stomach at the sight of Azul on his knees, doubled over by the toilet. "Oh gods..."
Azul glanced back, blanching. His hand was slick from sticking it down his own throat, reflexive tears were in his eyes, and all that was missing was a neon sign, really. "I-Idia..."
The gamer had no idea how to handle a situation like this. Life doesn't come with walkthroughs, and there was no helpful hint button anywhere. He deeply wished there was. "I'm gonna, um, go to bed now. Yeah."
He didn't wait for a response before fleeing the scene, burying his head in a mound of pillows. He was fairly certain that he'd just done whatever you're not supposed to do when faced in a situation like this; run away from it.
Leave it to me to run away from things. He thought bitterly, the idea of punching the wall coming to him, which he quickly dismissed. Punching a wall would only hurt his rather valuable hands. He curled up tightly, not noticing Azul until the latter sat down on the edge of the bed. He looked up, swallowing.
"...I should probably explain myself." Azul kept his back turned.
"That'd be nice..." Idia mumbled, before backpedaling. "I mean- no, don't feel pressured, just do whatever makes you feel comfortable, I- gods, rewind please."
"It's fine. You've seen it anyway." Azul's voice shook with barely contained emotion. Idia sat up, scooching over until he could rest his hand on top of Azul's.
"But like... I don't want to make you feel worse."
"Oh trust me, I feel so awful it doesn't matter."
His hand tightened a little. Azul sighed.
"I've... struggled with this for a while now. Since junior high, at least."
Idia nodded silently, now interlacing their fingers.
"How do I explain it...? I just get so hungry sometimes. Almost uncontrollably hungry. I want to keep eating until I choke, and..."
"And...?"
"And I hate it." Azul wiped at his eyes, finally breaking. "I feel so disgusting, but I can't stop. The only thing that makes me feel in control is when I make it all come back up."
Idia pulled him in for a hug. "Gods, I had no idea... I'm so sorry..."
"I'm so sick of it..." Azul hid his face in Idia's shirt. "I just want to go five minutes without thinking about how nauseating it all is. I'll go days without eating a single bite, and then all of a sudden I need to stuff my face?? I hate it, I hate it I hate it I hate it!"
"It's gonna be okay... I've got you..."
"Just a little peace of mind, that's all I ask..."
Idia held him firmly, rubbing Azul's back as tears soaked into his clothes. It was certainly a new experience for him; being the kind and supportive person. He'd have to try it more often if he had the mental strength for it. "Maybe you should look into seeing a therapist."
"I-I can't. It's so expensive, and-"
"And you run your own business here. I don't think you need to worry about money. If it's really a problem, I can cover it."
"Telling you is one thing... b-but telling a stranger is another. I don't need more people knowing all my weaknesses."
"Weaknesses?" He took Azul's face in his hands. "This isn't a weakness, it's kind of a big mental health thing. Getting help doesn't mean you're being exploited."
"Wh-what if someone finds out?"
"If they think it's cool to pick on someone who's struggling, then I've got an entire squad online ready to take them out."
Azul managed a weak chuckle. "Gamers are terrifying, but not like that."
"Huh? Terrifying how?"
"Doesn't matter." He sighed, wiping at his face again. "I'm scared to go alone..."
"...Why don't I go with you?"
"The last thing I want is someone else in there with me."
"No, not like, in the office or whatever. What if... what if I took therapy too?"
He looked up, confused. "Is there something wrong?"
"Ah, well, I guess if I unlocked your tragic backstory, it's only fair you unlock mine..."
"Idia, you're the last person on the planet I'd coerce anything out of. Don't tell me if you don't want to."
"It's been a few years, I think I want to try."
He sat up, nodding a little.
"I dunno if you noticed, but I don't sleep much."
"I think I noticed a tiny bit."
"Heh. Kinda goes beyond the usual gamer's bad habits."
"What do you mean?"
"...I get nightmares. Like, a lot of nightmares."
"Oh."
"Had 'em ever since my brother died."
"Wait, Ortho's dead?? Since when??"
"Since-" Idia swallowed looking away. "Since he was an actual person. Before I made a robot version of him because he died and it should've been me!"
"Absolutely not." Azul took both of his hands. "Imagine your little brother having to live with losing you, but without being able to rebuild you. It's not perfect, but you have him back, in a way. And I'm glad to have you here."
"Nice words, did you get all the flags?"
"What?"
"Nothing, I just... nothing." Idia buried his face in Azul's shoulder. "Deep down, I know it's not really him, but he's all I have left..."
"You have me now, too. I'm extremely lucky to be dating you."
"Think I'll have to Uno-reverse you on that."
"You can try."
Idia grinned, kissing Azul softly. "Thanks."
"No, thank you. You're the first person I've ever told about this."
"Thanks for trusting me, then."
"Can't I just say thank you for everything and that should cover it all?"
"You can try." Idia mimicked.
"Oh, you-" Azul shook his head, laying down. "I'll keep saying thank you until you get sick of it."
"Then we're gonna be here a while, because I'll say thank you right back." Idia hugged him from behind, gently in case he was still sensitive.
"Starting now?"
"Starting now."
They kept bickering until they were too sleepy for words, curled up in each other's arms. One conversation didn't heal all wounds, but it was a step in the right direction. For now, they were just happy to have each other.