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“come here, please” jungkook urges taehyung, who quietly patches his bruises. a gentle hand tapping at the cut on his cheek with memorised medicine and routine. there is a cloud of smoke between them emanating from the half lit cigarette resting amidst jungkook’s grazed fingers.
when taehyung complies and moves between jungkook’s thighs, it’s heaven and a single breath separating two bodies that burn for each other.
jungkook’s eyes raise to level taehyung’s intense stare. “can you patch me up like you did when we were 7.”
it elicits a sweet chuckle from taehyung as his hand finally rests against jungkook’s cheek. “with a kiss?”
the question lingers in the tensed breath still separating them.
taehyung continues gently “what is my kiss against a dozen cuts and bruises?”
“everything”
and kisses differ in forms and intensity. many kisses are rushed, hungry and messy. when taehyung and jungkook kiss it’s the opposite, excruciatingly slow, gentle, cloudy. jungkook is waiting with a halted breath the second taehyung’s lips touch his and curl around.
their lips intertwine in a delicate swirl of touches. it’s only messy in the way they don’t breath for 5 minutes and keep feeling each other through their tangled lips. it’s a routine for taehyung to patch jungkook’s bruises, in the secluded room owned by the champion himself.
it’s also routine for taehyung to naturally lay on jungkook’s lap while kissing him because just as jungkook states every time, there’s no magical healer for his bruises, other than taehyung’s kisses.
they kiss until the abrasive light that touches the ceiling flickers and it’s sign that it’s time to go home. taehyung has his apartment, resembling a studio with colours plattered around and canvases of faces all resembling jungkook.
jungkook has his apartment with long ceilings, two sheer balconies overlooking the centre of seoul and a private boxing room. they have their own lives. it doesn’t stop taehyung and jungkook from stepping into the private car almost every day.
and going to a small apartment rented for only two of them. every night after a match, jungkook closes the window separating them from the driver and then finally breaths. as taehyung settles in his lap, close, arms tangled in his hair, lips dancing with jungkook’s.
like clouds collapsing into each other and starting rain. taehyung and jungkook are kissing.
but they’re only best friends. grievously, because one of them wants to be more.
taehyung walks his fingers along the chair resting near the ring before the match. the crowd roars enthusiastically. two of their favourites are fighting today, beating, tormenting each other’s bones. taehyung isn’t a fan of the sport, but he is an ardent fan of jeon jungkook.
because when his best friend fights in the ring, it’s art. taehyung is in love with art. also, taehyung is in love with jungkook.
when his phone rings, taehyung’s face spreads in a sheer smile, vixen eyes closed in a quiet amused chuckle.
taehyung rises up from the chair and heads to the back. as he opens the door to his best friend’s training room, taehyung is attacked by a pair of lips, pinned to the door’s wooden surface, as a pair of rough hands hold onto his petite waist.
“you have a match to prepare for” taehyung speaks into the kiss as jungkook mends his fear for the match by latching onto his best friend’s lips, hands slipping under the hem of the shirt.
“enough, jungkook” the stern voice doesn’t put a stop to the touches, only becoming hungrier.
“i’m insatiable”
taehyung believes him. it’s been like this since they first met at 7, both insatiable with each other for almost 15 years, as best friends, the label a safe space, a secure place where limits blur in a passionate attraction that unites both.
as jungkook’s lips brush lightly taehyung’s own, again and again, just stolen touches, it’s as if his friend builds him up to extreme intense pleasure. light and slow at first and then jungkook’s hand climbs to taehyung’s chin, holding it in place as he finally ravishes the boy.
the other hand is holding tightly onto taehyung’s thin waist pressed against his muscled chest.
when they finally stop the storm of touches, just breathing lips against each other, taehyung smiles satisfied.
jungkook smiles back “what a good preparation for the match”
when they leave the room, jungkook walking in front of him, chest naked displayed by rows of tattoos, raven hair tousled messily, his eyebrow and lip piercings glistening in the flannel light, the crowd goes crazy at the sight of the champion. the golden boy- they call him.
the opponent fighting jungkook is a greazy heavy bald man, who badmouthed jungkook all the time during the conference, challenging him with ugly words, offensive threats. jungkook was silent during it all, only nodding his head at the end of the conference.
a glare headed his opponent’s way and a heavy smirk. taehyung knows that smirk too well, a raised corner of the lips means jungkook would ruin, destroy the rival and absolutely wreak havoc on the ring.
as taehyung lays quietly on the chair right in front row of the arena, jungkook slowly walks on the ring, steps lazily grazing against the paved floor, the same smirk still plastered on his face, again, the crowd falls under the golden boy’s charm.
the nerves subside as it’s the hundred match that taehyung visits. all of a sudden jungkook stops in his tracks, colliding with another body. taehyung can’t discern the commotion through the amalgam of people jumping in front of him to catch a glimpse of the champion.
taehyung can only discern jungkook staring flabbergasted at a mop of red hair. it shouldn't concern him, but taehyung’s heart is drenched in a cold waterfall. taehyung only wants jungkook’s eyes trained on him.
the girl with red hair is still looking eyes wide at jungkook when the referee calls his best friend's name because the match is starting.
taehyung knows they’re best friends. he knows the boundaries that naturally exist invisibly around their relationship.
jealousy and fear of losing each other should not have a place amidst their bond. what they have is a beautiful disaster. gravely, taehyung is slightly irritated when the red haired girl sits near him with some of her friends.
taehyung strongly tries to focus on the announcement, to perhaps catch jungkook’s eyes across the ring and secure the love they still have for each other, albeit as best friends. it’s not toxic, is it? when the mere concept of toxic spreads in so many paths, concepts and colours.
he truly struggles to focus when the banter between the redhead and her friends is reaching his ear unintentionally.
“did you see jeon jungkook? he’s so hot and totally was checking you out”
laughs follow the conversation, as a crimson colour covers the redhead’s cheeks.
“he didn’t and even if he did, he’s totally not my type, did you see the tattoos and the bruises and…”
“you won’t fool me, you- a nerd with a passion for books, chess and cardigans while he is the bad boy- tattoos, abs and piercings, a perfect pair i tell you”
“is he single by the way?” another girl with blue bangs and a beige dress asks.
“i heard he never dates, only does hookups”
“jerk” the redhead mutters with a scoff.
“enemies to lovers trope is coming, can’t wait” the rest of the group of girls laugh clamorously.
taehyung gulps, hand stretching over his chest, why is his heart beating so fast, rushed, uncontrolled? it’s not the first time people fawn over his best friend. perhaps, it’s the first time, jungkook stopped to take a glance at those people, and especially at a certain redhead.
taehyung tunes out the rest of the conversation; he wants to focus on the match but the roaring of his heart reminds him of the turmoil of feelings he harbours for his best friend. hookup? friend with benefits? just friend?
taehyung stands up abruptly.
jungkook’s eyes are on the crowd, silently roaming over it.
taehyung feels tiny, insignificant in these moments, amidst the roaring crowd, dazzling lights, jungkook can’t catch his eyes across the ring when he needs the reassurance, security, so that his heart will calm down.
their bond is like a quiet lake, always flowing under the glamorous sunset. right now, it all transformed in a rainy storm invading his chest.
why?
taehyung tugs at his shirt, unbuttoning it, revealing tanned chest under a golden necklace that jungkook gifted him.
why?
taehyung stumbles some steps back, the crowd around him bashful and jungkook too far away from him, the group of girls still gossiping near.
why?
they’re best friends for 15 years. sometimes they kiss, sometimes they promise forever to each other. he’s okay with it.
why is he suddenly questioning all just for a mere glance between jungkook and someone that isn’t him?
perhaps taehyung is not okay with it anymore. hasn't been for some time. taehyung rushes out of the arena. jungkook knocks the opponent with a single punch and wins the match.
it feels like an eternity until jungkook finally appears in the crack of the door. taehyung glares at him, silently. it doesn’t cloud the utter downright smile covering jungkook’s face.
his best friend roams his eyes on taehyung’s pissed figure, resting against the couch.
“what a sight to welcome the champion”
jungkook almost crawls his body to taehyung’s intense stare.
taehyung tugs at his flannel shirt, opened revealing tanned chest and a wounded heart. words refuse to escape his parted mouth, lips trembling, missing jungkook’s lips on them.
“i won with one hit, his smirk turned crimson with all the blood” jungkook is sweating droplets down his naked inked chest. when he inclines his head to catch taehyung’s lips, eyes closing anticipating the warmth, taehyung averts his face, the lips landing messily on his cheek.
instead of retreating back, jungkook walks his lips topsy-turvy, on the cheek and then down to the corner of taehyung’s lips. taehyung rises his head higher so that jungkook ends up kissing his chin instead.
finalmente, jungkook resigns and curls to the other corner, resting his head on backrest, body lazily slounged over the entire couch. his hair is falling waves on his eyes. “where’s my reward, taehyung?”
what’s taehyung’s fear? a deep sea he can’t touch or reach.
he turns his head lazily in jungkook’s direction, just staring quietly in those amber eyes flickering colours under the crystal atoll lamp.
“why are you sad?” jungkook asks, staring deeply back, trying to explore the source of the sadness
“not sad, just confused”
jungkook curls his hand slowly, like a snake trailing, to reach taehyung’s hand and intertwine with it.
“about what you're confused?”
you.
taehyung keeps silent, rolls the real answer in his head and tries to imitate it.
“i don't know, just a feeling of being lost”
jungkook hums, the state of feeling is one he goes through as well. everyone truly does, more than overthinking but less than depression.
“it’ll pass soon, no worries” taehyung assures his best friend, because he can already spot the creases between jungkook’s eyebrows. he can’t make him worry in a day such as this. “you won, congrats”
jungkook smiles shyly, eyes turning crescents.
“where’s my prize, then?”
the words are rough, deep and breathy as jungkook crawls closer to taehyung, their faces a mere inch from each other.
jungkook is the one who breaks the distance with a fluid movement, he places his lips on the surface of taehyung's mouth.
two pair of lips interlocked. he doesn’t move further, stays there for a few seconds turning into minutes, lips paralyzed and stuck to each other, only a deep breath shared between them. when jungkook decides to deepen his touch, taehyung shuts out his heart and turns his head.
jungkook's head falls on his shoulder. and then he stands up and heads to the tiny shower in the other part of the room.
“do you want to go to the afterparty? i told them not to, but yoongi, hobi and jimin still organised it”
taehyung doesn’t crave a loud space with even more noise. but perhaps alcohol and music can do him good at the moment, shut his mind at least for a second.
“what will i get if i go to the party?”
jungkook smiles at the cheeky grin on taehyung’s face “we’ll sleep naked today”
taehyung starts to laugh viscerally “that’s more a prize for you than me, you won’t fool me”
jungkook sends him a flying kiss as he enters the bathroom.
someone would never imagine the unbeatable champion to turn into a mushy cheesy boy once in the company of his best friend.
but taehyung has the privilege to witness it. he’s lucky.
lucky to be in love with jungkook.
because this is the boy he loves. a little bit messy at the edges, tiny violent and protective to the middle, but a beautiful disaster at the core.
just like taehyung.
first stage was denial. a lot of questions swirling inside his head, shock, numbness, confusion.
now, taehyung is in second stage, anger.
because he realises that he wants jungkook. to be his, in him, by his side, on him, beside him, under him, over him, in all forms, labels, stages. fuck everything and everyone, he can't let his mind trick him into dark lonely fields.
jungkook’s eyes, smile, kisses- hold everything taehyung’s soul thirsts for.
taehyung leaves a message inked on a tiny piece of paper, saying that he's heading home first to dress properly.
also he needs to vent his head.
breathing is getting harder under the influence of his best friend. back home, in the safety of his studio full of painting smell and colours, taehyung matches a satin turquoise shirt tucked in a pair of black jeans.
he unbuttons the shirt till it reveals his chest adorned by necklaces and golden thin belts. he hums satisfied in front of the mirror, walking his fingers amidst the black curls kissing his face. taehyung texts jungkook declining the offer to drive him to the party.
strangely, he’s in the mood of riding in a train. in the confine of the train, taehyung sits on a far corner, most of the train empty, he places his earphones in, connects it to music and lets himself truly rest.
his mind. what a tricky toxic little thing.
taehyung opens a book on his phone that his friend from work recommended, not a fan of straight romance, but his friend acclaimed the story, retelling the chemistry, passion and drama that made him cry, horny and reading it during night at 3 am.
it’s called beautiful disaster.
first pages describe the main protagonists: a good girl with a dark past meeting serial heart breaker and undefeated fighter young boy. instant chemistry. instant attraction.
taehyung admits that the plot and characterisation are on point and at the same time hot and alluring.
as the plot thickens and he’s on the 30th page, without notice, his heart clenches and a tear unconsciously rolls down his cheeks.
there’s a new character introduced in the book: the best friend who is in love with the male character, also the villain of the book.
taehyung closes the tab of the book and takes a moment to focus on his breathing. it’s just a book and it’s only a plot.
for unknown reasons, his mind latches on such insignificant details to build walls of fears and insecurities.
the train stops.
taehyung walks mindlessly to the location of the party, outfit already forgotten, confidence simmered.
taehyung is not dramatic, overthinker or a masochist. he rarely has negative thoughts surrounding jungkook.
why tonight is different?
perhaps, it began way before jungkook’s colliding with the red head. it started when jungkook called him best friend in the morning, when taehyung entering his apartment saw walls full of jungkook, when at the fight jungkook stared at the crowd, mighty and confident.
while taehyung only had his eyes trained on jungkook.
does it make sense? it doesn’t but the pain lingers the same. the pain doesn't require common sense. it's just there
taehyung steps inside the club, pushing groups of people aside, annoyed, irritated.
feeling pathetic.
taehyung tumbles inside the giddy darkness. noise, roaring crowd, music, sweat, alcohol, naked bodies glued to each other. what a proper party. before facing jungkook who taehyung can see talking to hobi in one of the booths, taehyung heads to the bar.
he needs a good dose of alcohol in his system to be able to face jungkook dressed in a sheer satin black shirt… see through.
right the moment taehyung’s legs reach the bar stool, he feels a pair of strong arms circling his waist.
“what took you so long”
taehyung is brave. he turns and faces jungkook.
and dies. inside
“didn’t even come to say hi first” despite the words being thrown lightly at him, taehyung can sense a hint of dejection in jungkook’s voice.
“i’m sorry, i craved alcohol badly” taehyung whispers in the confine of their breaths. as if it’s only them two despite the crowd wilding around them. is it the same feeling for jungkook?
“craved it more than me?”
taehyung melts at the question, weak over jungkook’s words, touches, smiles, existence.
“can i do something that will sound weird?” jungkook suddenly inquires, eyes innocently smiling at taehyung.
and who is he to deny anything to jungkook. he nods, returning the smile.
and it is weird when accompanied by a smirk. jungkook hugs taehyung tighter, lowers his head, wets his lips and then trails his tongue on taehyung’s naked chest, leaving small kisses on the bumps.
it is weird, but also euphoria. how could taehyung ever let go of this.
“was it weird?” jungkook asks as he detaches from taehyung to order a drink.
“definitely weird”
they both laugh and turn to discuss other topics, such as the banter between hobi and jimin and yoongi’s always tired face to the younger’s antics.
when the barman delivers a glass of whiskey, taehyung raises an eyebrow.
“where’s my drink?”
jungkook smirks, which is never a good sign, dangerous both for his rivals in the ring and for taehyung’s heart.
“we’ll share it”
“how?”
taehyung has a thought, but still asks.
jungkook doesn’t reply. with words at least
he takes a sip of whiskey, closes his mouth between taehyung’s parted lips and gently with his finger hooking up taehyung’s chin, he releases the alcohol inside. jungkook does not detach himself.
instead, he’s pushing until taehyung’s back collides with the wall behind the bar, hidden in the shadows, where only the sensual music reaches. jungkook lets his hands roam under taehyung’s dishevelled shirt.
as jungkook takes one of his lips between his and sucks on it, a wave of tingles invades his body.
alcohol passes down his throat. gravely, taehyung thinks that even with alcohol in his system it’s hard to survive jeon jungkook.
when they both let go of each other, jungkook’s smile turns sunlight beaming.
“that’s how you say hi, taehyung”
he’s afraid jungkook will notice the sheer adoration he holds for him, more than a best friend should, so he averts his eyes and goes to order a drink for himself.
“i’ll go to the bathroom, you can join hobi, yoongi and jimin in the booth”
taehyung nods without looking back. he drowns three shots of tequila before he heads to his friends with a glass of whiskey.
he jumps on jimin, hugging his friend tight, then kisses hobi on the cheek and pets yoongi’s head. he settles on a seat on the other couch and listens to his friends banter and joke around.
“how is jungkook not already attached to you, is that a miracle?” jimin asks scoffing.
“he went to the bathroom”
“figured” hobi adds, a smirk appearing when he spots jungkook in the crowd.
“here he’s coming, let’s bet he’ll jump on taehyung in 10 seconds”
yoongi puts money on the desk “i bet 5 seconds is enough for them to be glued together”
taehyung feels his chest attacked by butterflies and warmth at his friends' words. until, taehyung follows hobi’s gaze and falls on jungkook walking together to the booth with a certain redhead.
what the fuck.
a fire spreads inside. it’s not cold anymore. it’s burning rage.
jimin senses the sudden tension and taehyung’s heart breaking slowly at the sight. right when jungkook nears the booth, jimin jumps and takes the spot beside taehyung who in turn mouths gratitude to him silently.
jungkook strangely doesn’t meet taehyung’s searching gaze.
he talks to the redhead.
“you can sit here” he gestures to the empty couch.
“thank you, boyfriend”
taehyung’s blood turns ice through his veins. jimin tightens his hold on taehyung’s hand. he’s the only one who knows that taehyung is burning for jungkook.
taehyung can notice hobi and yoongi’s shocked faces as well. at least, taehyung is not dramatic or delusional.
the girl sits on the couch, jungkook sits near her. taehyung's hold on the glass tightens. without sparing a glance to jungkook, he chugs the whiskey down.
“this is lia, we met in the bathroom, some guy tried to hit on her aggressively and i pretended to be her boyfriend so that the guy will leave her alone.” jungkook finishes his explanation with a crisped smile “ok, so these are my friends jimin, yoongi and hobi”
he gestures to each one of them and then finally his eyes fall on taehyung “and this is my taehyung”
the words travel past taehyung’s ears as all he can think about is how his mind’s delusional worries and fears slowly turn to reality.
he tunes out everything except his mind who is whispering and whispering and turning his chest in a storm. taehyung wants to crawl over jungkook’s lap, take a sip of the whiskey and then pour it in jungkook’s mouth as their lips would latch at each other.
just like jungkook did before at the bar. he won’t do it though. taehyung can’t turn into a jealous bitch villain portrayed badly in the book he read.
not that he’d let a book guide the way he lives or loves jungkook.
/even though there’s a partly truth hidden there/
when jungkook goes to the bar again with yoongi and hobi to bring another tray of drinks, there’s only jimin and the redhead in the booth. taehyung ignores them both, choosing to scroll mindlessly through his phone.
“so, you’re jungkook’s best friend?” the redhead asks, eyes innocently set on him, smiling gently.
“fuck off” taehyung hopes the icy glare he sends the girl is enough for a warning to never dare interact with him again.
there’s a chuckle escaping jimin’s lips and when the boy is caught, he’s covering it with a hoarse trepid apology.
“who do you think you are to talk to me this way?”
“no one. you are no one, that’s why i refuse to talk to you at all”
taehyung suddenly stands up from the couch, having enough of his villain agenda. he turns to jimin with a silent apology and then exits the booth and heads to the dance floor.
he doesn’t regret the way he talked to the girl.
he’s not obliged to sugarcoat anything or accommodate someone that makes his heart drown in pain, be it intentionally or unintentionally. the only regret is coming to the party at all, taehyung is so confused with everything, he feels giddy, irritated, pathetic.
on the dance floor the irritation subsidies as taehyung lets his body flow with the music amidst the crowd. he glides his arms and down his body in sensual moves, allowing the music to take over his mind.
when another body gets closer to his, thighs tangled between his, taehyung doesn’t let his disappointment show. he turns to the man and chooses to move lenient alongside him. even if it’s not jungkook.
jungkook who is still at the booth, his eyes now trained on taehyung dancing with another man.
taehyung’s heart rises again. it hopes for jungkook to come and circle his waist with his arms, tell taehyung that he belongs to him. at least, taehyung hopes for any sign of jealousy.
when jungkook turns his attention back to the group in the booth without sparing another glance to the dance floor, taehyung’s heart drops in a pit of hell.
how fast his heaven with jungkook turned to hell? taehyung abandons the man on dance floor and enters the booth again.
he wants to grab his jacket and leave the club, maybe wander through the city for the night. when taehyung is inside, there’s no sight of his jacket. he hears commotion behind and sees jungkook entering with the redhead. the red head who has /his/ red jacker draped over her back.
taehyung explodes. he snatches the jacket with a swift movement.
“who the fuck allowed you to take it”
he’s fuming. because right, at the moment, he’s drunk, hurt and his mind is so noisy, that he just wants everything to shut out.
he just wants to disappear in the moment.
“jungkook said i can take…”
when jungkook steps in front, ready to explain the situation, taehyung doesn’t let him. he pushes a finger against jungkook’s chest.
“who allowed you to touch my things? who do you think you are? what even a best friend means to you?”
jungkook seems taken aback by the harsh voice and even harsher words. jimin is gesturing for taehyung to calm down. hobi and yoongi are looking worriedly at him.
“i didn’t think it’s a big deal, i’m sorry, but jungkook is not at fault, i’m guilty, i didn’t”
“know your damn limits” taehyung says through gritted teeth to the redhead. “told you to fuck off, would you” and then he is stumbling out of the room.
his jacket is forgotten in the booth as taehyung heads hurriedly to the exit.
the shirt is raw on his body, exposing half of his chest, as the night air protrudes inside his ribcage.
taehyung feels sick. he’s also drunk on top of that.
he’s terrified to even start pondering over everything that happened. taehyung shuts out his mind.
he calls an uber, his feet dangling on the pavement anxiously. he just wants to get home, tangle himself in bed and forget his heart and how much it hurts.
“taehyung”
he doesn’t turn out to the voice. he’s afraid of so many things. he literally told the girl to fuck off.
taehyung is not ready to have jungkook yell at him or question his behaviour.
“hey” jungkook walks in front of him, eyes big and confused. when he takes in taehyung’s demeanour, his hand automatically settles on his cheeks. “what happened? are you ok?” jungkook is caressing his face gently “please talk to me, taehyung, i beg you, tell me what’s wrong”
“our friendship is wrong”
the words escape his mouth before he can stop them, already have been waiting patiently on his tongue for months.
jungkook looks like he was hit to death, face turning cloudy, his hand falling off taehyung’s face.
there’s so much taehyung wants to tell jungkook, merely how their friendship feels like love to him.
his mouth is closed and other words refuse to escape it.
“am i making you uncomfortable? is that it? i noticed, but thought i’m overthinking” jungkook says while stepping back.
taehyung wants to stop the boy and name a thousand reasons why jungkook makes him feel like in heaven.
“do you want us to take a break? have some distance?” jungkook is drunk too, his words slurry, vision blurry.
taehyung stops himself from reasoning. because why would jungkook ever propose distance. did he think of this concept before this? is jungkook tired of him?
is taehyung actually the toxic villain?
“taehyung, let’s talk, please…”
he can’t. not right now when his whole heart is in shambles, teared apart.
how jungkook could ever propose separation so easily.
taehyung spots the uber. he turns to jungkook.
“is it that easy to you, to let go of me when you know my fear of abandonment, is that why you were still holding onto me for all this time? pity? the poor boy whose parents left him, his friends too, what a great guy you are”
“what are you talking about, taehyung? why are you hurting me? how could you even say that… fuck you, honestly” jungkook stumbles back, as taehyung rushes to enter the uber.
right inside the car his head falls on his knees as his eyes storm into an ocean of tears.
when taehyung enters his apartment, his body falls to the floor, drowning in his own tears, pain and regrets.
how could a single day turn his life so much to hell.
they never fought so bad before.
is it the result of this day or is it a fight in the making, both shutting down their hearts until they exploded?
taehyung falls asleep on the floor with jungkook’s broken face in his mind.
there are feelings inside him that words can’t handle. taehyung wakes up suddenly, swiftly opening his mind while his body crawls in pain. soon, the memories invade his mind.
on top of wanting to throw up, taehyung wants to throw his heart out.
it pains him too much to remember jungkook’s broken face the night before. taehyung has been hurt, but why did he hurt jungkook too?
taehyung shuffles the blankets from his body, heat lunges at his sweaty chest.
he gets rid of the clean shirt, throwing it over his head to the floor and then detaching himself from the boxers too. it’s too hot, he wants to trail his fingers over his body and scream in agony. where is jungkook? how is he feeling? how bad taehyung screwed up?
taehyung is grabbing the glass of water from the nightstand to drown the drowsiness away when his head crashes against the mellow pillow and then he stops breathing…
because taehyung vaguely remembers he fell asleep on the floor last night.
did he manage to crawl to his bed, get out of his clothes and store water near the bed for next morning?
taehyung doesn’t want to hope… hope is destructive, evil, slowly digging your own grave.
taehyung’s heart clenches in his chest. and then light steps cross the hallway.
jungkook appears from the corner, hair wet and a towel curled around his body. when he catches taehyung’s eyes on him, there’s surprise on his face, shyness and a tiny droplet of hurt.
“jungkook”
“taehyung”
taehyung bites his tongue, stopping himself from jumping on jungkook, craving the later’s touch.
“how did you…”
“i’m sorry i entered your apartment without your permission. i was worried, you were not answering the phone and then i saw you sleeping on the floor…”
jungkook got rid of taehyung's clothes, bathed him, put him to sleep last night…
jungkook has been there taking care of him.
“but you were drunk…”
“you were more drunk, and hurt”
taehyung has a truck of apologies waiting at the tip of his tongue.
this time he doesn’t hesitate to voice them out.
he writhes under the blankets and drags his hand through his messy hair. breathing hard, knowing that he can’t lose jungkook, not when he almost lost himself in the swirl of insecurities and fears.
“i’m so sorry, i tried not to hurt you but ended up doing just that. i was so out of my mind, irritated. it doesn’t justify my actions, but i want to know i never wanted to hurt you. i was so itchy all day, so insecure, jealous…” taehyung keeps dragging words out of his heart.
he finally decides to lay his heart bare open for jungkook.
“jealous? why on earth would you be jealous, taehyung, of whom? of what? the only reasonable thing you could be jealous of is the punching bag that sometimes i spend more time with, than with you”
taehyung wants to laugh, because that much is true, he always jokingly remarks how a punching bag is stealing jungkook away from him, but right now there are so many questions in his mind.
taehyung badly wants to tell his part of the story, he knows that much.
everything has been seen through his lenses, he doesn’t have knowledge of jungkook’s perspective on the things.
there are so many starters for everything that happened in the last 24 hours.
taehyung can only muster
“i love you”
“i love you too, taehyung” jungkook smiles at him. taehyung can’t let his heart elate from the words, because jungkook is standing 2 metres away from him, not daring to touch or kiss.
“i love you as in i’m in love with you, i burn for you, i long for you”
the raindrops hit the window and taehyung’s eyes trained on the whiplash outside melt at his own confession. he needs to confess all now. he can't drag it more, tangle it deeper to hurt them both more, there's no reason. after all, it's taehyung and jungkook.
“i thought i fell for you like raindrops fall from the sky, without a safe landing, destructively. later, i thought i fell for you like sun did for moon. i thought i need to die every night to let you breathe, that we can’t coexist together because our feelings differ in nature.”
taehyung tears up.
“we foght, hurt each other, but jungkook… it dawned on me. i love you like the night loves the stars, freely, safely, knowing no matter what you’ll be here for me, that i’ll dance in darkness and still be able to shine by your side. that’s how i love you”
taehyung is shy, crimson in cheeks and heart highly palpitating. but he’s not afraid. even with fears, insecurities, walls of drawbacks, it’s jungkook who makes him happy often and loves him unconditionally.
jungkook is at the moment staring at him unmoving, gaze penetrating.
“i love you, taehyung, always have. i adore you to pieces with all my pieces. as a best friend, as family, as a muse, as a lover, i burn for you too from every angles, every perspective.” and then jungkook’s smile falls, a slight frown taking place between his eyebrows
“we literally kiss every day, kim taehyung, i never dated anyone or kissed or even been attracted to, we go on dates and almost live together”
“but you never told me we’re boyfriends” taehyung utters, unconvinced now of all his fears, where did they even come from?
he can spot the sheer adoration in jungkook’s eyes.
“how can i ever call you boyfriend, that fickle label doesn’t even begin to sustain all i hold for you. you’re my person, kim taehyung, is there an enough word for that?”
taehyung drowns in a hearty smile, his insides mushy.
but then the little holes from the night before crawl back biting.
“jungkook, what about the redhead then? you proposed we take some distance from each other... and you were not even jealous of me dancing with another person. i know it's dumb and my mind is so messy, but...”
“the redhead?” jungkook’s eyes close in a cute manner while the boy tries to make the connection. “oh, damn, i actually forgot. i need to text jimin if he took my phone and jacket from the booth?”
“what do you mean?”
jungkook shies away from taehyung’s inquisitive stare. “i actually rushed in a taxi after you left me and came right to your apartment, forgot all my things at the club”
taehyung shouldn’t be happy and scold the boy instead, but his heart erupts in fireworks.
“so you don’t like the redhead?”
jungkook throws daggers at him.
“i literally saw her the first time in the bathroom, being groomed by an older man, she said her friends bailed on her last minute. i actually was so out of it, i don’t even remember what happened”
taehyung wants to smack himself “you actually bumped into her back before the match and stared at her and…”
“i did?”
“yes”
“ok, i did”
taehyung gulps heavily. it hurts just a bit.
“i didn’t want to admit, you’d totally make fun of me, hobi and yoongi already know and believe me, our chat has become a circus”
“they know what?”
jungkook’s cheeks are rosy. taehyung wants to pinch them.
“look here…” taehyung takes the phone handed by him from jungkook.
It's the chat of jungkook, yoongi and hobi called “jungkook’s support group”. after taehyung sees the screen, he looks at jungkook confused.
“the chat is literally only pics of me with my hair red”
jungkook averts his eyes “scroll up”
taehyung reads the messages and oh…
“jungkook, you literally had a breakdown because you saw the redhead with the fierce red hair and remembered my own short era when i died them the same colour?”
“that taehyung with red hair was deadly, i literally froze and sights of your face passed through my eyes.”
as taehyung reads the messages and assists at how jungkook melted, died inside and gushed about him to yoongi and hobi, he can’t help but smile “you’re so silly” he whispers, but does not return the phone. instead, taehyung keeps reading the messages.
he finally sees jungkook’s perspective. and wow, taehyung is loved so much, so purely by his friend.
“so, you were jealous?” jungkook asks, a growing smirk on his lips.
when taehyung ends telling him all the rollercoaster of emotions he went through, jungkook shakes his head.
“please tell me when you feel like this again, share with me not only your joy and passion, i’ll be here even for the sorrows and falls.”
taehyung nods his head.
“i proposed to take some distance, because i’ve seen you being uncomfortable of my touches and kisses”
jungkook continues “i thought you need space from me to be able to breath. i want us to have a long happy relationship. whatever our mental health needs to be better again- we can do it, i thought some distance from me is what you need. i thought you gave me hints of that…”
taehyung shakes his head vehemently.
“i was never uncomfortable with you, it’s my own fears that if i’d kiss you, you’ll see how much i crave for you”
“we’re so silly” jungkook adds.
“i do not care if we’re boyfriends or best friends or lovers, whatever the label is, i’m all yours, you hold my heart”
“and you hold mine”
“if you ever feel insecure, or unhappy, or confused, please”
“talk. yes, let’s talk. now come here”
as jungkook discards his towel on the floor and crawls under the blankets towards taehyung, the rain keeps pouring outside.
they are naked and tangled and in love. it keeps raining.
taehyung sees the redhead again after a month. he’s at another match, resting in the chair.
it’s been a month since the big fight, big revelation and nothing much changed since. they still kiss, go on dates, live together most of the time… perhaps only the sex part, oh, yes they’re having sex and it’s mindblowing.
also they’re going to therapy as couple sometimes.
talking frequently about how their childhood traumas, parents' issues influenced partly the way they loved and had expectations.
for example when taehyung expected jungkook to be jealous in the club, as jealousy would be seen as a sign of love.
jungkook explained how jealousy from his father for his mother was more a part of his toxic possessive behaviour. he could never treat taehyung that way, suffocate him with his ties of discontent feelings.
they both want to be together for a long time happily.
so they talk a lot, about the good and about the bad.
today, the match is hold for the title of local champion in their city. if jungkook wins it, he could go to the nationals. taehyung is already extremely proud of him.
he also took time and expressed it to jungkook, letting him now how hard working and strong he is.
his therapist advised him to not forget to convert his feelings in words sometimes. it’s of paramount importance to let your partners know it too.
when taehyung searches jungkook by the ring with his eyes, he sees his lover smiling at… the redhead.
taehyung completely forgot about her existence, a side character in his story with a temporary appearance.
now, jungkook is talking with her, smiling and then with a last whisper, the redhead heads to the front row still smiling. taehyung follows her with his gaze. he wants to rip that smile off her face and he also wants to rip her hair.
taehyung scolds himself quietly.
then moves his gaze to jungkook on the ring, a sudden smile appearing on his face. truly, jungkook lights his whole world. he focuses on jungkook
during the fight, taehyung is shaking, anxious, screaming, and then bumping his fist in the air when jungkook lands a winning punch.
he could cry because he’s so proud of jungkook. jungkook who is smirking at the crowd while accepting his trophy and compliments.
and then his eyes settle on taehyung and he smiles. taehyung smiles back.
“come here” jungkook urges him with an yell.
taehyung is too shocked, but jimin appears and is pushing him to the ring. taehyung also notices yoongi giving a large bouquet to jungkook, hobi gives a box.
when taehyung is inside the ring, jungkook speaks as the crowd silences its roaring after a glare sent from the boxer.
“we both don’t love grand gestures or labels, but what we love for sure is each other. today i won. it’s a happy day. i want to spend all my happy days beside you, but also i desire you when heart feels heavy and mind gives up. here’s my promise to a forever together”
taehyung cries a river as jungkook gently dresses his finger in a silver ring.
as they both escape from the arena under the crowd’s cheering, taehyung can’t help but think that they could fight, they will.
he’s sure jungkook is the one taehyung wants to fight with.
taehyung wants to spend his life with jungkook.
they stumble inside the changing room and both melt in a tender kiss. the kiss gets so intense that they grab at each other. can’t get any closer. but then they are just breathing through the euphoria, not thinking.
the kiss gets sloppy and messy.
their love was not instant, at first sight, it grew gradually from childhood, from taehyung’s kissing jungkook’s bruises and jungkook preparing him tiny meals. it grew into something so beautiful
because it’s taehyung and jungkook.