Work Text:
London May 3 1955
Deer Andoromeeda,
Happee Birfday. Yu ar now too 2 yeers old. Yu ar veree cut and i lof yu very mutch.
Yur sister
Bellatrix
London May 3 1956
Dear Andromeda
Happy birthday. See, I learnd how to spell that! 3 years old now. You are stil my favoorit sister.
Your sister
Bellatrix
London May 3 1957
Dear Andromeda
You can now read your own card! Happy birthday Andy. I love you and wish you the happiest of years. Sorry I broke your doll. I asked Mother to buy you a new one. I do not now know if she got it for you.
Your sister
Bella
London May 3 1958
Dear Andy
Mother has taught me commas yesterday, so I am going to try to use them. Happy birthday! Five is a great age, I would know because I have been five. Come to my room after bedtime. I have a special present for you. I wont tell you what it is, but it has to do with rabbits.
Your sister
Bella
London, May 3 1959
Dear Andy,
I am so done with Mother’s lessons. She wouldn’t even give us the day off for your birthday! I think that’s a crime. Don’t worry though, I’ve already thought of a way to make her pay! She won’t know what hit her. But enough about me, this is your birthday card. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Six years old! A milestone! Now you can join me in Mother’s etiquette lesson hell. At least we’ll be together. I’ll have your present ready in my bedroom after dark. I promise it will be better than last year. I now know that you don’t like to kill pets as a present. Just trust me on this!
Your sister,
Bella.
London May 3 1960
Dear Andy,
Happy birthday! I can’t believe another year has gone by already. A year in which you’ve had to suffer Mother’s lessons with me. At least you’ve been picking it up better than me! Now that you’ve turned seven, Mother will start teaching you how to dance. Please be as clumsy as me, I need you to be. But of course you won’t be, because you are perfect! You are perfect even if Mother doesn’t think so! I doubt Mother considers anyone perfect. Herself maybe. Don’t listen to her! As always, I have your present ready in my room. See you then.
Your sister,
Bella
London, May 3 1961
Dear Andy,
Happy birthday! I know eight doesn’t seem very special, but let me tell you, it most definitely is. Eight is the age you are finally allowed to join me at Mother’s teas with her friends! Okay… maybe that is more of a birthday present for me than it is for you, but at least you won’t be alone! We can start planning all the mischief we get up to. Those teas are incredibly boring, if very filling. All those ladies don’t eat anything! They are so obsessed with their weight and their figure, they take one sandwich and nothing else. So we get to eat all the food! Is that a good present? Don’t forget to come to my room later for my secret present.
Your sister,
Bella
London, May 3 1962
Dear Andy,
Happy birthday! This will be your last birthday card from me at home. Next year I’ll be off at Hogwarts and you’ll have to be the big sister for Cissy. But for now, I’m still here! I know it’s hard to be the older sister, but I have three more months to prepare you. And if you don’t feel prepared enough, remember the golden rule: always shift blame away from yourself. Always look out for YOU first! That is the most important lesson I can teach you. But for now, you have to enjoy your birthday. I got you a present, but this year it’s not in my room for you to pick up after bedtime. Remember those two stupid muggle boys who threw snowballs at you a few months ago? They won’t ever bother you again, you can be sure of that. That’s my present to you.
Your sister,
Bella
Hogwarts, May 3 1963
Dear Andy,
The happiest of birthdays! I am saddened to not be there to celebrate it with you. I hope Mother doesn’t drive you entirely crazy. I have a present ready for you. If you go to my bedroom, you will find a small, circular package under the pillows on the right. I made sure that it is specifically for you, no one else will be able to use it. Just make sure you are alone when you open it, that way the magic won’t mess up.
Anyways, I know you want to hear about Hogwarts. It’s rather boring actually. All the teachers keep telling us exams are coming up and that we really need to get to studying. I think it’s a load of crap. Why would I study now when exams aren’t for another four weeks? I’ll just cram on the last days. Slughorn is planning his last party. I wasn’t invited, but that Rosier boy was and I’m forcing him to take me with him. I know what you’re going to say “oh but Bella, won’t they think you are betrothed?” Let them think that. I’m just using that boy, if Mother and Father decide to set up a contract with him… well… let’s just say they will be in for a whole lot of trouble. Rosier will be too, but that will be a very different trouble. I’ve been practising my severing charms so I could cut my hair, but if I were to miss that by accident and hit Rosier? Well… who could blame, poor, ickle, firstie Bella? That contract will be quickly terminated afterwards. Not that I need any man to do anything for me. I can do anything a man can do. I can do it better as well. Men are dumb! We all know who runs our house. It’s Mother. Father just sits in his chair, smokes a pipe or cigar and drinks whiskey with other men. Nothing could be more useless!
That’s enough of my chattering. I’ll be home soon and then you can tell me all about your present and how you like it.
Love,
Bella
Hogwarts, May 3 1964
Dear Andy,
I cannot believe another year has gone by again already! Happy birthday my dearest sister. It’s the big double ones! Eleven! Along with this letter, you will most likely receive your Hogwarts letter. I hope this one arrives earlier. I got up at six-thirty just to get it out to the owlery right as curfew lifted. I don’t believe they would send the admittance letters that early. Mine arrived around lunch anyways.
I really didn’t know what to get you this year. How could I top your Hogwarts admission? Very little is as special as that. And Mother and Father will take you to buy your wand as a present, so what could I get you that is great? Well, I came up with something. I suppose you’ll know when you open it, but I will give you a hint. Whatever you do, make sure our parents do not catch you! Mother would have an absolute fit if she found out and technically underage magic is illegal. Although, I don’t think Father cares all that much about that. He caught me once last summer, but didn’t even tell me to stop. He just scolded me on my grip. So I suppose, if you do get caught, make sure it’s Father, you’ll at least learn something from that.
Another very happy birthday, Andy. I’ll see you soon.
Love,
Bella
Hogwarts, May 3 1965
Dear Andy,
You don’t see it, but I’m writing this letter on the other end of the common room. You’re too busy chewing out that Yaxley boy who made fun of the birthday bow in your hair. I’m proud of you Andy, tell that little shit what you think! He should have respect for you. Who does he think he is, saying that to one of the ladies of the most noble house of Black?
Happy birthday, my sweet sister. I’m taking you to the kitchens for dessert later , so don’t eat too much over dinner. I hope the day didn’t suck too much. I know I was a little shocked on my first birthday on a school day here at Hogwarts. No one who even bat an eye, except for my friends.
I need you to keep an eye out for boys trying things with you. Yaxley might be an idiot, but some of the smarter or older boys might be trying to get with you solely for your name. In two years, you are ready for a betrothal contract. I don’t think Mother or Father will have told you yet, but they finalised a contract for me with Rodolphus Lestrange. He’s a sixth year and he was also eyeing you not too long ago. Don’t worry, I told him that if he looked at you again, he wouldn’t be looking at anything ever again! I got this knife at Borgin&Burke’s over Christmas break. Mister Burke said it was cursed, but couldn’t tell me what curse exactly. He probably just made it up to get more gold and I haven’t been able to test it out yet. I could start with Rodolphus’ eyes if he leers at you again. If it’s cursed, nice. If it’s not, ah well, the eyes will still be a lost cause.
Don’t forget! Dessert in the kitchens. I’ll lead you there from dinner. I’ll bring my present for you.
Love,
Bella
Hogwarts, May 3 1966
Dearest Andy,
Happy birthday! I rewrote this whole letter after seeing your face fall over breakfast. One of your friends told me what was in Mother’s letter. I’m so sorry they betrothed you a year early. You could do worse though. The Malfoys are on par with the Blacks where it comes to purity, age and wealth. I know that it’s not great to be betrothed to a firsty. No one is stopping you from having some fun on the side though. Neither of you are of age yet, so marriage is still years away. And if you play your cards right, you will have that Malfoy boy whipped into shape before he’s fifteen. We’ll go shopping this summer for a knife like mine, that way Lucius knows not to screw with you without risking the end of the Malfoy line.
And now you are to forget about that betrothal for the rest of the day! That’s an order from your older sister. Birthdays on weekdays are bad enough with school without anything extra bringing it down. You are to have fun with your friends. Go out to the lake. Forget about homework. Prank a Hufflepuff. Hex a Gryffindor. Do whatever you like that makes you happy. I’m taking you out for dessert again to the kitchens. I made sure they are prepared and they will have a cake ready for us. Uh… maybe we should skip dinner in its entirety and go straight for the cake!
I did get you a present. They are emerald hair pins, enchanted so that only the first person who ever touches the silver will be able to take them out. Apparently they got the idea from snitch production or something. I didn’t bother listening to that. I was more interested in what happens when someone else tries to remove them. They added a curse, that if anyone else tries to remove the pins, their fingers will swell up, covered in boils and the only way to stop the curse from spreading to the rest of the body is to cut off the affected body parts. So, uh, make sure you’re the first person to touch them with your bare skin.
Much love from your beloved sister,
Bella
Hogwarts, May 3 1967
Dearest Andy,
Happy birthday sister! And can I just say, you looked really pretty today. Those earrings were really nice, where did you get them? I doubt Mother sent them, I saw your face at breakfast. I take it she didn’t deem it necessary to send good news. It isn’t you, she hasn’t sent me anything for my birthday in years either. Apparently, when you’re betrothed you’re too old to still receive presents from your parents. To be honest, I think that is the biggest bullshit I’ve ever heard, especially when your betrothed is even younger than you are. He barely knows how to treat a woman right without leering at them at every second, let alone get you a proper present!
I’ll take you to Honeydukes next Hogsmeade weekend, and you can get all the candy you want. We’ll celebrate with some firewhiskey in the Hog’s Head. I know it’s a dingy pub that we dignified women shouldn’t be entering, but the barman really doesn’t care about how old his patrons are and will sell you firewhiskey as long as you pay. I know some spells to disguise ourselves and no one will know we were there. It will be fun. It’s probably also a better place for you to unpack your present as it is uh… not approved by teachers. It’s not illegal, but the teachers here are such goody two-shoes.
I’ll see you tonight for dessert. As usual, the elves are ready with cake.
Much love from your beloved sister,
Bella.
Hogwarts, May 3 1968
Dearest Andy,
Happy birthday! You look absolutely stunning today. I love the sleek curls you made in your hair. The way you put them into a bun that got them out of the way, but still very much visible. I don’t know how to say it. You’ve always been better with the cosmetic side than me. I did get you something for that. As one of my presents for you. I know you’re not thinking about having sex with anyone yet, and Merlin forbid if that Malfoy boy is considering doing anything with you yet, but I did want to give you this nice lingerie set. Sometimes you just want to look good for you, you know. You know you’re wearing sexy underwear, and it just does something to your confidence that day. At least, that’s what I’ve found. I think you’d look gorgeous in them.
It’s come to my attention that you’ve been hanging out with some of the Hufflepuffs in your year. Andy, please, you know how they are. They are idiots! If you have to hang out with anyone outside of our house, please let it be Ravenclaws, at least they are useful. None of those Hufflepuffs are worth anything, whether it be academically or politically. Their wealth is non-existent and their blood is dubious at best and downright muddy at worst. I need you to understand the seriousness of that matter! Why do you think they ended up in that house? Everyone of importance is in Slytherin. Anyone with any leftover worth is put in Ravenclaw. The rest are just idiots who get distributed between Hufflepuff and gryffindor. Yes, I deliberately put a lowercase g there. Those idiots and blood traitors are not worth the capitalisation.
Please Andy, the Ministry is already allowing too much filth to come into our world, do not allow it to come into our life as well! We need to protect ourselves from that!
As always, dessert in the kitchens?
Your loving sister,
Bella
Hogwarts, May 3 1969
Dearest Andy,
Happy birthday! It’s your last birthday with the both of us at Hogwarts. I can’t believe we’re getting so old already. Nearly on our own. Well… on our own… I believe Mother is already busy planning my wedding to Rodolphus. Not that either of us is excited about that, but hey… It will keep her distracted from bugging you about your engagement. Please Andy, stay away from that mudblood Hufflepuff! You don’t want the Malfoys to pull out. It will ruin your reputation! You’d never get another husband of good repute. And you know, we are Ladies from the most noble house of Black! We CANNOT settle for anything less than the most pure of matches. Our purity has been safeguarded for generations. Centuries! We have to uphold that!
I’ll take you to the Hog’s Head next Hogsmeade weekend. There’s a meeting for people like us. People who are worried about where our world is going. There’s a man coming, you might have heard Father or his friends talk about him. I won’t say too much, but I think it will be good and informative for both of us.
To the happier section of my letter! I got you a present! I thought you looked absolutely gorgeous in the dress you wore to the Malfoy Yule party. It hugged all your curves. It really brought out your eyes. I sent a photo to Twilfitt’s and they created a new dress, specifically for you, based on that dress. It is a little more revealing than your previous dress, but you have the assets, you are beautiful, why not show it off? I know it will look stunning on you!
I know you were too busy last year for dessert, but I do hope you’re able to make time for me tonight. I’ll be in the kitchens waiting for you.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1970
Dearest Andy,
Happy birthday! Although I’m very saddened to not be there with you, I do hope you have a good day. I told Lucius to make sure he takes care of you now that you’ve turned 17. You’re an adult now, and Father and Mother won’t be taking care of you for much longer, he will have to do so. I know he isn’t happy having to take care of you. I’ve seen him staring at Cissy, but he will have to man up and get over himself. If only you had spent more time shaping him into the man he should be for you instead of running after that mudblood. This is what I tried to prepare you for and to prevent! Rodolphus and I aren’t thrilled to have been thrown together, but we’re making it work. We’ve joined the Dark Lord and it’s helping us unite with a common goal.
The Dark Lord is right, Andy! The muggles are stealing our magic, trying to infiltrate our society in order to take it over and to get rid of us forever. Magic will die out if we let them! We have to stay strong, Andy. You cannot mix our pure blood with that mudblood’s. You’d be lucky if any child born from that would be even remotely magical. More likely, it would be a squib. A stain on magic.
I sent one of my new elves to see where that… boy… lives. He found him, after a long time of searching. Their living situation is apparently incredibly poor. Not at all fit for a Black Lady. I had to stop myself from going straight there and telling him to stay away from you. That is my request for you though, for your birthday. No present, just the question to stay away from him and to keep your reputation intact.
I told Cissy to take you to dessert, can’t have that tradition end simply because I’m not there anymore. I’m sending my present along with this letter. I hope you like the earrings.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1971
Dearest Andy,
Happy birthday! I don’t know what to say honestly. I need you to be careful. I’ve been hearing whispers that both Mother and the Malfoys are planning on making sure you marry Lucius as soon as school is done. If you want to remain in control, placate them. I don’t care how! Quite frankly, I agree with Mother. Your actions are not befitting your station and you need to fall in line! Mother is doing that through making sure you marry Lucius, and I agree with that. I will drag you to that altar myself if I have to.
Cissy is ready with dessert and my present. I think the necklace will look wonderful with that grey dress you wore on New Year’s Eve.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1972
My sweet Andy,
Happy birthday! I’m sorry it had to come to this. Well, actually I’m not. It had to be done, because you were making stupid choices. You just had to go and run-off with that mudblood! I warned you year after year, but you didn’t listen. Now you’ll listen! That boy will never touch you again. Not just because he doesn’t have any fingers left, or eyes, but because he’s six feet under. It’s good that I had my elf do research into that gremlin, it made finding you so much easier.
It’s good to have you home now. Obviously Mother is still angry with you, but with you behaving now, she’s slowly coming around to accepting you again. I think she’s glad that you’re living with me and Rodolphus. She’s told me to keep a close eye on you and to make sure you get back in line. She might even want you to marry Rabastan. Don’t worry though, I won’t let that happen! Quite frankly, the Lestrange brothers are idiots. They have a knack and proclivity for torture, which is great, especially in the bedroom, but you are too delicate for them. It would be like handing a one-year-old a porcelain doll. You’re not wondering IF it will break, but rather WHEN. And you, my dear, are too precious to be broken. I have reminded Rodolphus that the threat I made years ago, about testing out my knife on his eyes if he looked at you, still stands. Only now, I know what the knife does. That mudblood of yours was excellent experimentational material. Rodolphus knows to stay away from you.
Maybe I’ll take you out to the gardens later, as a present. I know you always loved the small patch we had as a backyard in London. Maybe you could liven up this place a little. For you, obviously, I don’t care and Rodolphus would rather scorch the garden than tend to anything in it. But if you want it, I will allow it. Maybe Cissy could help you. Although… Maybe Lucius won’t allow it. He was actually quite hurt that you ditched him. I think it was more that you ditched him for a mudblood than for another man, which is valid. At least he got the woman he actually wanted. Cissy and him had not been subtle in their love for each other. I suppose that’s another good thing that came out of that horrid choice you made. Cissy and Lucius being together, and you being with me of course.
I don’t think I’ll be giving you this letter. It would only confuse you in your fragile state. Maybe later, when you’ve seen the error of your ways and you’ve recovered. Until then, you’ll stay with me, and I’ll make sure you are taken care of and behave. But yeah… I’ll give you your garden. That will be my birthday present for you.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1973
Dear Andy,
Happy birthday! You’ve been with us for over a year now! You’ve clearly been settling in more as you’re not as nervous around Rodolphus and Rabastan anymore. Not that you being nervous around them would have been strange. I’ve had to teach them multiple lessons not to leer at you! Especially Rabastan proved to be very stubborn.
Cissy has been suspicious over the past year. She thought you were behaving strangely at her graduation party. Obviously I rectified that. You’ve been on your best behaviour since. I talked to her, told her that you and I have been having a lot of discussions and that it hasn’t been easy, but that you’ve come around to see our point of view. It took some argumentation pressure force to get you onto our team, but it worked.
I know you asked for a party this year, but I said no. I wasn’t certain you could handle it. You’ve been confused quite a bit the last few months and I didn’t want to add the stress of planning a party on top of that. Maybe next year. When you’re less confused and we need to have less discussions. Why do you keep fighting me, Andy? I’m just trying to do what’s best for you. You’ve already proven that if we don’t keep a strict eye on you, that you will make… less than sound decisions. I know you don’t like our daily discussions, but they are needed. Maybe I’m going about this the wrong way. Maybe I should find new ways to instil the importance of our traditions into you again. I will think about it and maybe try some new techniques over the course of the year.
I am still planning on giving you a birthday present. Maybe a little more freedom will help you conform. I think it will be fine for you to use the entire wing and not just your suite. Maybe feeling like you have a household to take care of, instead of just a room and a bathroom, will help. I’ll also assign one of the elves to be your personal elf. Obviously they will still be my elf and be under my command first, but you don’t need to know that. This was about giving you the idea of control, it wouldn’t do to take that immediately away.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1974
My dearest Andy,
Happy birthday! You’ve been so good this year! You took a little convincing, but we found a way that you responded to. I could even leave you alone for more than a day, before we needed to have another conversation. I had hoped that I didn’t have to resort to these measures though. They are so crass. I know Rodolphus liked it, but it took everything in me to not strangle him while he was talking to you. Of course I still punished him, even though I asked him to help. Can’t have him thinking he can have his fun at any time. He can only ever do it with my permission and in my presence.
To celebrate your wonderful behaviour, I asked Cissy to throw you a party! Mostly because I would suck at throwing a party. I know my capabilities and throwing a sophisticated birthday party is not one of them. I know Cissy invited all the proper ladies (or so she says, I really wouldn’t know. Although she invited Posey Parkinson and that bitch is a bloody whore! She once tried to get Rodolphus into her bed! Well, that will never happen again, she’s been thoroughly threatened. She will be having one child. Let’s hope for her husband it’s a boy shall we.) If you keep behaving like this, I’ll let you organise your own party next year.
I got you a present. Obviously, it’s your birthday, can’t do a birthday without a present. It’s a useful one. At least, I think so. This orb is password activated. You speak the password and then the orb will shine as bright as the sun for a minute. So, please, do make sure you have your eyes closed. It’s a protective measure in case Rodolphus (or Rabastan based on stories from his brother) swings by without me.
Enjoy your party, sister.
All my love,
Bella
Wales, May 3 1975
My dearest Andy,
Happy birthday from a cold and dreary werewolf encampment in Wales. You have been so incredibly good this year! We’ve had a few discussions, but my elf tells me you’ve been enjoying the household you’ve created. He also tells me that planning your birthday party has given you more life and energy than you’ve had in years. Cissy said the same. That your letters have been distinctly more cheery. It makes me sad that I cannot be there to celebrate with you and to see the fruit of your work. Even my elf wouldn’t tell me all the details of your plans! You have wrapped him around your little finger! Of course he assured me your plans were all safe and free of escape plans.
I’ll say Wales is incredibly boring. Our Lord has sent me to get Greyback and his pack on our side. I wasn’t exactly happy to get this job. NOT THAT I WASN’T HONOURED! Of course I was honoured. No, it’s the fact that He wants those filthy halfbreeds to join our cause. I suppose they are useful cannon fodder. This place is also horrible. Just because they are beasts, doesn’t mean they have to live like beasts. They’re living outside, in caves and huts in the forest. Absolutely zero standards. I came back the first night to get uncle Orion’s tent. At least that place has plumbing and heating!
And to think I’ve been here for a week already! This is how good you’ve been! I can leave you alone for a few days without having to fear you doing something stupid. Your party is your present, but I will try to get you something special when I get back from this mission. Maybe you and I can have some special time together without Rodolphus present. Anyways, Greyback is nearly convinced, so I might be back in the next couple of days.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 2 1976
Dear Andy,
A day early, but not with less sincerity: Happy Birthday! I wish I could be there tomorrow. When I returned from my mission last year three days after your birthday, you were still beaming with happiness. I damn near promised you there and then, that you’d get to organise another birthday party this year. Of course I didn’t, what if your confusion came back this year? But it didn’t! Well… we had a few rough patches this year, I will take some blame for that. I’ve been away a lot! We should have had more conversations. I should have known that being away for days, sometimes weeks, would only invite confusion. I am sorry for sending Rodolphus on his own to you when it had been nearly two weeks and he told me your confusion had reached a peak. He should have just talked to you. He never, ever, should have laid a hand on you. Trust me that he was appropriately punished. He got what he gave and more. It’s a good thing he holds his wand in his right hand, because I’m sure it becomes a little harder without a pinky.
Hopefully I can be there for your birthday next year. You enjoy those parties so much. The organisation, the celebration itself, the thank-you’s afterwards, all of it perks you up so much. And each time I miss the big day. Tomorrow’s mission shouldn’t take more than a day, so hopefully I can catch the end? Please tell me you didn’t invite Parkinson again! Because I will hex that bitch. Last time I saw her, she called me an insane crone and I still have to get her back for that. Hmm, maybe I will curse the fireplace just for her. I will think about it and you’ll find out what I’ve done when she arrives.
Please don’t worry about me tomorrow. This mission is nothing like last year’s with the halfbreeds. It’s just going to be a discussion with certain people on the origins of magic. It should be an easy mission. It will just be me and Lucius, that should tell you enough about the difficulty of this mission. Of course we are our Lord’s best lieutenants, but only two people on a mission like this, does still say something. If we anticipated problems, we would’ve taken a bunch of new recruits as shields.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1977
My dearest Andy,
Happy birthday! Even though you’ve been difficult yesterday. And two months ago, and three months before that and again two months before that… I knew I shouldn’t have told you about our cousin, but you had been doing so good, I thought that you would agree with me. But ever since I told you that Sirius ran away from Grimmauld Place, you’ve been fighting with me. You keep questioning me and our decision to disown him. I don’t enjoy having to fight you, having to punish you, having to force you to see our way. I had been hoping that I could introduce you to our Lord, that you could join me and the cause. That we could remake the World side by side. We would have been unstoppable, with the power and protection of Him behind us. But you had to go and start questioning everything I’d been preparing you for. How am I supposed to tell the Dark Lord this? I’ve been telling Him for weeks that I might have someone to join our ranks, but I don’t think it’s a possibility anymore.
I’ve cancelled your party. Cissy is still coming over, mostly because she insisted on it, but everything else is a no-go. Although I do appreciate that you absolutely destroyed Parkinson last year. Cissy told me it was absolutely glorious and that it was a shame I missed it. Maybe I should invite her to come as well, just so you can humiliate her again.
Just… please be good this year, alright? I will step up with the punishments if you don’t cease this behaviour! Rodolphus still has a few fingers left to lose and I’m willing to offer them up if that’s what’s needed to get you back in line.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1978
My dearest Andy,
Happy birthday. Things haven’t exactly calmed down.You’re still as unruly as you were last year. We’ve taken to keeping the Prophet and radio from you. The risk of you hearing or reading something that will send you into a confused state is too big. You’ve even gotten me in trouble with our Lord now. He’s not amused that I can’t leave on any missions that might take longer than a day. You know what this means right? It means you will have to spend more time with Rodolphus or Rabastan. I can’t let you stop me from serving Him. I’m sorry, but that means your quality of life will decrease. Maybe this will cause you to start behaving better. Last time your behaviour was this atrocious, it did require some drastic measures to get you back on track. It worked though, so I’m hoping it will work this time as well.
I didn’t get you a present. Presents are for good girls, and you have not been one. I told Cissy to stay away as well. I’m afraid your ‘present’ is going to be a punishment. Maybe if you behave quickly it will be short. Until then, we’re looking forward to a turbulent year.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1979
My dearest Andy,
… I’m not sure what to say. I want to say ‘happy birthday’, but you have been exceedingly difficult. We’ve had so many fights and discussions and punishments this past year. You even broke Rabastan’s nose once! Not that it wasn’t funny. The idiot never expected you to lash out with your foot and hand. The fact that Rabastan had to be there though, says enough. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to have Rabastan and Rodolphus there. To have them lay their hands on you. I don’t want to use the methods I have to, in order to get you to comply. I’ve had everyone breathing down my neck, telling me that you’re more trouble than you’re worth.
…Maybe you are more trouble than you’re worth, but I can’t let you go. You are my sister. No, you’re more than my sister. Whatever I feel for you, it’s more important, more encompassing than familial bonds. I don’t feel the same way about Cissy. I don’t feel the same way about Mother or Father. I know I don’t have any real love for Rodolphus. I admire his bloodlust, but it’s a pure rational understanding. The feelings I have for you are probably most closely resembled by my devotion for our Lord. An eternal adoration, unfailing devotion, willingness to go to the ends of the Earth for them.
There, I said it. You, Andromeda Black, might very well be one of two people I have ever, in my entire life, actually loved. It’s why I can’t let you go and why I will keep fighting to get you over to our side. I just wished you felt the same way I did. Until then, you and I will both pretend that you do, even if I have to make sure of that every twelve hours.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1980
My dearest Andy,
I would tell you ‘happy birthday’, but unfortunately we had to give you Dreamless Sleep potions for the past three days as we were all on a mission. With all of us gone, the risk of you doing something dangerous or stupid was too great. At least while you’re sleeping you can’t do anything. I know the elves are taking good care of you though.
This year has once again been full of trials. I don’t know how you found out about Regulus, but that has not helped the situation at all. Regulus was a traitor and the Dark Lord dealt with him. That was the only course of action. Remember that that could be where you end up if I ever let you go. You will not be found again, Andy. You will die and it will be horrible! There are many amongst the Death Eaters who still consider you a traitor! Even though it’s been many years and you’ve been in public supporting our cause. They simply do not believe you’ve changed. Of course I know how things really are, but they have no idea. They will forever hold that… decision… of yours against you. You became a traitor, and once a traitor, always a traitor. Rodolphus, Rabastan and I aren’t the only ones who like pain and torture. There are many others who like it just as much.
I might write you a separate letter, asking you to reconsider your actions. Not that I think it will help. We’re very similar in that sense. We’re very stubborn, and when we’ve decided to go one way, we’ll stick to it. I guess I’m just sad that you’ve decided to throw your lot in with the wrong crowd. None of my arguments have worked. They haven’t worked for years. Threats and punishments kept you in line, but they didn’t change your mind. I suppose I should have seen that coming. I’ll just see what I can do.
All my love,
Bella
West Sussex, May 3 1981
My dearest Andy,
Happy birthday. I… I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up. I’m tired. Tired and frustrated. Probably even more frustrated than tired. Or my tiredness is fueling my frustration. You’ve become damn near unmanageable! We have to give you Dreamless Sleep every night now after the elves caught you trying to sneak out in the middle of the night in August. When you’re not sleeping, we sometimes have to subdue you five times a day. I know I’ve been more forceful with you this year than I’ve been in the past. Rodolphus doesn’t want to help anymore. I doubt you consider that a loss, but it has put a rather large strain on our relationship. I’ve had to make him promise not to murder you.
I really wish things had turned out differently. That you had always supported our cause. That we could have been the power couple that the entire Order feared. That whenever we arrived on the battlefield, everyone would flee. We could have scorched the Earth together. Generals in the Dark Lord’s army, making sure everyone knows their place. We’d be the ideal interrogation team. With your cunning mind and my convincing methods, we’d get those mudbloods talking on how they stole their magic. We could find out how to prevent squibs from being born when we finally understood how those mudbloods do what they do.
But you had to go the other way! You had to fall in love with one of them instead of with the right sort. I didn’t necessarily want or need you to love me, but could you at least have loved Lucius? Or anyone else with a pure enough bloodline? Over this past year I’ve considered more than once to end it. Because if anyone were to kill you, it has to be me! I will not tolerate anyone else desecrating your memory like that! Yet each time I think about it, a voice in me screams. There is something in me that stops me from killing you. A hurt, a burning, a block that stops me from ever coming close to it. I will steel my resolve. We’ll get through this, even if I have to rewrite our lives.
All my love,
Bella
London, St Mungo’s, January 23 2000
Bellatrix,
I suppose I should say ‘happy birthday’. Not that you have a birthday to celebrate anymore; you’re dead after all. Cissy found all your unsent letters to me when she was cleaning out the West Sussex Lestrange estate. Apparently it was all left to her. She said she didn’t read them. I wouldn’t have minded if she did, it’s not as if we haven’t talked about what has happened anyways.
Maybe I should start with where I’m at now. I’m in the Janus Thickey ward for long-term patients at St Mungo’s. I’ve been there since early November 1981. It had only taken nearly a week for me to realise that you were gone and not coming back. Or if you were, I better make use of the time I had in my own head to escape. At that point I did not know yet what had happened. I didn’t know YouKnowWho had died trying to kill the Potters. That the only one who survived that attack was their baby. I suppose that’s why you left and never came back though. From what I understand, you were known to run in his circles, and not low-level either. The home would not have been safe if they thought you were there. Then again, the Ministry didn’t raid the house at all, which has grown my distrust in them. They had to have been really confident in your whereabouts to not go there. They could have found me earlier. I could have gotten help DAYS earlier. Instead I was left scared and alone in a hostile house.
My healer says that a few days more or less didn’t really make a difference except for how I experienced them. Yes, they were traumatic, but they just built on the trauma that you had already dealt me. A trauma both from the spell damage and from the things you put me through. I sometimes wish you had just obliviated me. Erased my memories of anything to do supporting the Light side. Instead you put me through horrors.
Maybe I should have seen this coming, after all, we were still children when you gifted me a rabbit you yourself had slaughtered. You hadn’t even started Hogwarts yet when you scared those two muggle boys. I’m still not certain what you did to them. I just know that every time I saw them afterwards, they would scream and run away whenever they spotted me. I think one of them even peed his pants once. I doubt you only talked to them, or maybe even beat them up. You must have performed some kind of magic on them or shown them something so horrific, they were traumatised.
They were probably the first victims of your obsession with me. You always focussed more on me than anyone else, even Cissy. As teens I even thought you were sometimes resentful of the relationship I had with Cissy. That I would go to her with things instead of you. Let’s be honest, you have always had a one-track mind Bella. I just never fully realised that that one track was me. It always seemed as though the blood purity thing was your one track, you certainly made it appear like that, but now I see it wasn’t. Everything you did, you did in some twisted and perverse idea of serving me. Of cherishing me. Of making me happy. That I could be happy without you and your worldview never came up in your mind.
And exactly that is why you resorted to the measures you did to keep me in line. You had to have me with any means necessary. So you murdered Ted, the love of my life. You took me to your home and held me prisoner there. Both physically and mentally. It was exhausting trying to fight your hold on me. Working 24 hours a day to shake your Imperius on me. I still sometimes wake with that same light-headed feeling as back when I was under your control. It’s been nearly 20 years and I still can’t shake it. That is what you did to me!
And then, whenever I managed to fight you, you would punish me. At first it wasn’t too bad. No, my healer says I shouldn’t label your early abuse as ‘not too bad’ just because I’m comparing it to later abuse. Abuse is abuse, regardless of the exact methods. At first you beat me, maybe a short Cruciatus, but that’s where it ended. It’s where my defences broke and your Imperius worked again. But everything loses its potency when used too long, so you had to resort to more and more violence. You’d use the Cruciatus curse longer and longer. I sometimes felt like my body was on fire for hours or days afterwards, despite the pain relief potions you would give me to help me heal. More on that mindfuck later. And then when you couldn’t do it alone anymore, you called in the help of your husband and his brother. I knew they were sadistic, but I never imagined it was this bad. You let them touch me! Not just in general violence, but you let them touch me intimately! They violated me, and you let them! You didn’t just let them, you WATCHED while they did it! You gave them permission to rape me.
And then, when all was said and done, and you finally had me back under your thumb, you would be the nicest and sweetest and most caring person imaginable. Like I said, you’d give me pain relief potions and other healing potions. You’d hold me in your arms like I was a child in need of soothing. You’d whisper words of love and care and protection. You’d tell me how you’d punish Rodolphus and Rabastan for touching me. That you’d remove their fingers or their dicks for violating me. That you’d carve degrading words into their skins. How was I supposed to deal with that? At that point I was back under your Imperius, but I hadn’t forgotten what had just happened. A small part of me, locked deep inside my mind, was screaming at me. Telling me not to believe any of what you were telling me at those moments. That you were just lulling me into a false sense of security, that the real you was actually the sadistic bitch who let her husband rape me. I have seen the conflict in your eyes whenever you let Rodolphus or Rabastan touch me. I would see the desire to hurt me and to protect me. Both warring with each other for domination. You gave me freedoms. Freedom to roam the wing, to organise parties, to see Cissy, to have an elf to call mine. Were you trying to get rid of your guilt? Did you even feel guilty? Or was it all a game?
And then you gave up. Or at least, I think you did. I’d become acclimated to your Imperius, as well as those from Rodolphus and Rabastan, and the pain still hurt physically, but not as much mentally anymore. You started giving me Dreamless Sleep potions. Many Dreamless Sleep potions. You gave me an addiction, Bella! You forced me to drink so many, I became dependent on them. I couldn’t sleep without them for YEARS. I became an insomniac, not sleeping until my body was so exhausted it would just shut down. I still have trouble sleeping. I sleep for only three hours a night as a maximum and I nearly always have nightmares. My healer is looking into muggle treatments of insomnia, to see if maybe those can help. It is our last hope. I cannot drink any more Dreamless Sleep as it will set me back all the way to 1981 when I had just escaped. I ache for it though. Every evening when the ward goes quiet and the lights are out, I lay in my bed. I stare at the ceiling and wish for sleep to claim me, but it never does. The longer I lay there, the more I desire the void that potion gives.
In the bed next to me is one of your last victims. Or, the last victim I know about. I don’t know any of your victims from the second war. Next to me is Alice Longbottom. They told me you tortured her and her husband together with a few of your ‘friends’. She still freaks out every few weeks when she sees me. She thinks I’m you. That I’m here to hurt her some more. Those are the times where I wish I looked more like Cissy and less like you. Is that why you were so obsessed with me? Because you saw me as a second you? Were you so in love with yourself? Did you actually love me for who I was?
Merlin, this letter is a mess. You called me ‘confused’ in your letters, but I am now more confused than I was back in those days. I sometimes zone out, completely unintentionally. It’s happened while writing this letter, multiple times! I’d wake up minutes later, a blob of ink spreading across the page. And then I’d have to gather my thoughts again. Figure out where I was going. Or simply just move on to the next topic. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this. My healer says it will be good for me. To let everything out. I just feel… empty. What use is talking to a dead person? You can’t change anymore. You can’t hear my side and feel any emotions over the impact of your actions on me. I’m just writing these words into a void. I’m sure my healer has something to say about that, she’ll tell me next week when I see her again. Maybe I’ll do this again, don’t hold out hope though.
Your sister,
Andromeda.