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When Jimin was younger, he always thought time moved too slow. He couldn't wait to grow
up and have all the freedom in the world. He could go to any party he wanted, eat anything
he wanted, with no one to stop him. Then, he grew up, and for years, through endless hardships, he found solace, in someone's company. However in this instance, time moved too fast. Or so he thought.
Namjoon came into his life like a lung full of fresh air, and complete turned his world upside
down. Jimin remembered once telling his mother that he could never live without the elder.
Oh how cruel the irony was.
The sound of rain was oddly soothing to Jimin's ears. He rested his head on the side of the
huge window and traced the falling raindrops. It was a game he played with Jungkook when they were little. When their parents would forbid them from going out because of the rain, Jungkook would end up visiting Jimin's parents' loft and play absurd games with him.
The clocks should've stopped then, when times were simpler. Maybe it would save Jimin
from the hurt, maybe his life would be far better.
But then again, getting to know someone as beautiful as Namjoon was a privilege itself.
His wedding ring sat right in front of his eyes, the diamond shining brightly. Jimin
remembers that day so vividly, when he decided to propose to Namjoon. He was so nervous while picking the ring, the worry of the elder not liking it clouding his mind.
But it happened, and they got engaged, on top of the Eiffel tower. It was magical to say the least and Jimin couldn't see his life getting worse from there.
What a joke!
The whiskey went down Jimin's throat like liquid fire as all the flashbacks started coming
back to him. That ill-fated night when he lost everything.
One year, eight months and eleven days. Felt like an eternity to him. Jimin had his fair share of relationships before dating Namjoon. Naturally break ups were not uncommon for him. He wasn't a very emotionally expressive guy, except for the low threshold he had for jokes. Jimin could laugh at anything.
He thought it would get better. He thought Namjoon would come back. He thought this was
just a big fight. He thought he could deal with it after his world tour, until...
Until that one day he got sent a huge envelope containing the very set of papers that
ruined his life.
One year.
One year since it became official. One year since Kim Namjoon and Park Jimin weren't
legally each other's anymore.
Fuck his life.
Jimin put the ring on his chain and made a necklace out of it, before putting it on. Again.
His plump lips curved into a little smile before resting his head against the window once
Again. They didn't have much when they got married, but the love was so fulfilling that no one
complained. Endless nights of working their asses off, trying to find that one breakthrough.
Then they did and it started the beginning of their downfall.
Namjoon got hired by the country's biggest conglomerate while Jimin got to debut his first
album through a well known agency.
Success was inevitable. With success came money, with money came luxury and with luxury came lack of personal touch. Jimin loved his present life, but given the chance, he would happily go back to that one room apartment that wrote his love story. He would gladly leave these fancy salads for the late night ramen sessions with his hyung.
Where did it all go? In pursuit of success, how did they lose each other? A drop of tear slowly flowed down Jimin's face as he gasped lightly. He hid it as well as he could, but at this moment, it was too much to handle. His Namjoon would never come back to him. Oh what a gut wrenching realization that was. Maybe losing his life would've been better.
They didn't fall out of love. Atleast Jimin didn't. He still gets butterflies even at the mention of the elder. He just got busy. A little too busy to give some time to his partner, his lover,
his husband. Every complaint Namjoon had was valid and yet Jimin couldn't help but feel angry at him.
Why was it so easy to abandon him? Why was he the easiest person to leave? Jimin's eyes shifted to the cactus on the other side of the window. He remembers Namjoon jumping like a baby the day he gifted it to him. Their first anniversary gift. Life was always such a bitch to him. Never gave him anything easily. The one time Jimin really wanted someone, fate took that person away from him too.
The penthouse suffocated Jimin, everything about the place screamed Namjoon, except
Namjoon wasn't there. Their dream house, with the five bedrooms, the big balcony and the private swimming pool.
Big. Large. Enormous.
Maybe that was the problem. Their home was too big. In that big house, Jimin and Namjoon somehow lost themselves.
The elder must've felt really liberated after the divorce. He must be very happy now. Happy
and taken. Maybe the new boyfriend would treat him better. Cherish him and give him all the love he deserves. Jimin could just survive with alcohol and his music by his side. At first, Jimin was stubborn himself. He thought he could shake off Namjoon easily. After all
the elder was just a habit.
Jimin was proven brutally wrong when he couldn't sleep for a whole week. He couldn't even rest without hugging the elder's bigger body, without running his hands through Namjoon's fluffy hair.
How was he even supposed to wake up without hearing his hyung's voice?
He tried finding solutions. Sleep came with the help of prescribed pills and every morning
he would wake up to his alarm. The alarm tone? A song he had once recorded together with Namjoon. This way he could at least wake up to Namjoon's voice even though the elder wasn't in his life anymore.
Jimin wiped his tears on his sweater before finally getting some strength to get up when he
heard the doorbell. Jungkook. It must be Jungkook, the younger one had been trying to get Jimin to go partying with him all day. Jimin shook his head as he made it towards the door.
“Jeon Jungkook I told you I'll not-”
Jimin's words died in his throat as his eyes widened. He couldn't believe who was
standing before him. He immediately shut the door. He must be hallucinating, maybe the whiskey was too strong for him to handle, maybe he should just go to sleep, maybe… The doorbell rang again. Jimin opened the door.
“Jimin-ah...”
Jimin lives on the 21st floor, but he's sure he just felt the ground beneath him shifting. He
rubbed his eyes with his hands before looking again, and there he was, the object of every
desire Jimin has ever had. Namjoon. In the past year, Jimin would often dream about how the elder would look the first time he would meet Namjoon after their divorce; never in his wildest dreams did he think Namjoon would look this fragile.
He was still the tall, buff CEO but to Jimin's eyes, he looked like a wreck. His hair a mess,
the dress shirt crumbled and the tie loosened. Jimin could feel tears blurring his vision once again.
Along with himself, did he ruin Namjoon too?
“Hyung”
“Can I come in?”
Namjoon's voice was broken, his lips trembling as he spoke. His clothes were drenched
from the rain and all Jimin wanted was to wrap him in a big blanket.
Jimin gestured for the elder to walk in and Namjoon immediately got rid of his splotchy
shoes. Jimin opened the door wider and then looked around the room searching for
something, anything to ignore eye contact.
“You're gonna catch a cold, let me get you a towel.”
Namjoon dropped his bag on the ground and then waited for Jimin to bring the towel. He
had to lean when Jimin attempted to wipe his hair.
“Get rid of your jacket and wear something dry your old clothes are-”
Jimin got stuck mid sentence, his brain finally realizing the situation. It felt so easy to fall
back into the domestic space with Namjoon for a few minutes, as if the last year and a half
didn't exist.
He immediately let go of the towel and Namjoon catched it. Still no eye contact.
“Um, I mean...”
“I'll just go wear something else. Where do I-”
“I-I never really emptied your side of the cupboard.”
Finally their eyes met. Two pairs of sharp eyes, full of passion, regret and most importantly,
love. Not a word was spoken and yet it felt like a thousand were.
Namjoon took in a deep breath and finally broke the contact, before walking into their
closet room.
Jimin stood there in that very position for a few minutes to grasp and understanding of
what the fuck was happening. It all felt like a fever dream. His husband... ex-husband, was
at his doorstep and now he's changing clothes. Namjoon must be cold, he thought to himself. He walked to the kitchen only to sigh. He had barely anything, except ramen, eggs and water.
Oh, and whiskey.
Whiskey could warm Namjoon up right?
“Hey”
Jimin's shoulders stiffened as he turned.
“Hey,” he replied, the younger man's voice barely above a whisper. He couldn't help but
take a glance at Namjoon. The elder wore one of his favorite pajamas and had washed
his face. His hair was still disheveled.
In the span of few seconds Jimin went back to the times when he would dry Namjoon's hair and then kiss his forehead at the end. The painful reminders of their past were even more effective now that Namjoon was in front of him.
“You must be cold ”
Namjoon smiled sheepishly, “A little.”
“Here.”
Jimin forwarded him a glass of whiskey and Namjoon immediately gulped it down. Jimin poured both of them another glass and then sat on one of the stools. Namjoon followed suit. Namjoon took a sip, this time the gesture much elegant.
“How have you been?”
Jimin looked taken aback. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't guilt trip Namjoon about his miserable life, but then again it was the elder who knocked at his doorstep.
“Do you want the truth?”
Namjoon gulped.
“Yes”
“A disaster. What about you?”
“I'm at my ex husband's house on the anniversary of our divorce and drinking whiskey with
him. What do you think?”
Jimin chuckled.
“At Least you still have the sense of humor”
“It's more of a coping mechanism”
“I know”
A few minutes of silence followed, and more and more thoughts filled Jimin's head. It wasn't awkward, but he just didn't know how to act or what to say. There were so many voices in his head that it almost became unbearable.
“Hyung why are you here”
Namjoon's breath hitched.
“I don't know”
“Don't you have a new partner now?”
“Do I now?”
“I read the tabloids.”
Namjoon laughed, a little loud, his deep voice ringing in the dimly lit room.
“You're reading tabloids now?”
“Just answer my question”
“I haven't dated anyone since the day I left this house. I was angry at you, but I never said I
stopped loving you”
“ Shut up ”
“Wha-”
“JUST SHUT UP!”
Jimin's body was shaking, his jaw tight.
“YOU CAN'T JUST BARGE IN MY LIFE LIKE THIS AGAIN AND SAY STUFF LIKE THAT.
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO FILED THE DIVORCE.”
“I live a life of regrets”
“You-you can't say things like that.”
A single drop of tear flowed down Jimin's eyes, which was then followed by another, then another until he was sobbing. Namjoon moved forward only to see Jimin take a step back.
“Jimin-ah”
“Why do you want to break me?”
“I don't Jimin, I swear I don't. I'm getting torn into pieces with every single breath I take.” It was now Namjoon who started to cry, his eyes glistening with tears.
“Then why. Why did you send those papers?”
“Because I thought it would be better for both of us.”
“Howww?”
“I don't know. At that moment it seemed right to let you go. But even then, it was so painful.”
“Did you... Get any peace?”
“Nope. It's funny, really. I had lived a lot of my life alone but then you happened, and now I can't even eat fucking cereal without thinking about you”
“You never contacted me”
“Never had the guts to. I always thought you found someone. You've always been way too good for me Jimin-ah. Anyone would want you.”
“But they can't be you.”
Their eyes met for a split second before they both burst into little smiles. Jimin's eyes
formed little crescents while Namjoon's dimples popped.
“Wow, we're idiots.”
“The hyungs always said so.”
“I hate them”
“In all seriousness though, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every date I missed. I'm sorry for
everytime you tried to stay awake for me till late, but I ate outside.”
Namjoon pressed his lips before speaking, “I screwed up too, you know. I'm sorry for that. I never tried to have a conversation with you.
Always pushed it and tried to act normal. Even when I actually was fucking pissed at you. All of that joined together on the outburst that night. The night that ended everything”
“We should've gotten therapy”
“We still can.”
Jimin's lips formed an O as he looked at the elder, “What?”
Namjoon's gaze dropped to his lap as he fiddled with his fingers.
“I mean...of course you can decline and like-”
“You already heard me shout. I don't think I have energy for another. Just say it hyung”
“Could we try again?”
Jimin sucked in a breath.
“Would that be right?”
“What do you mean?”
“The past year has been hell for both of us. What if we go down that path again?” Namjoon sighed, his gestures a little nervous. He moved his hand to grab Jimin's. The younger one flinched at the sudden cold contact but then relaxed.
“I think it's worth a risk. But, if you don't want, I'll leave after the rain ceases and never
show my face to you again”
“Hyung”
“I'm serious Jimin-ah. I walked out of my own company building like a homeless man and found yourself at your door. Maybe Jungkook is right you know, soulmates do exist, and you are mine.”
Jimin was at a loss of words. His heart leaped at the thought of holding Namjoon's hands again, at the thought of kissing those lips that felt like home to him, the thought of having Namjoon as his.
“How would we even do this?”
“I don't know, but maybe therapy first and then gradually we start working towards a healthy relationship, like the one we had before all this success.”
“I would throw it all away for you, you know, but my music, how do I leave that.”
“We can build boundaries around our tough schedules. Many people make it work, we can too.”
“I was having the worst day today, but somehow it's turning into the best day of my life”
Namjoon was rubbing his fingers on Jimin's pink knuckles.
“I missed you.”
“I did too, my hyung.”
“Yeah?”
“So much. I could die in this moment. It all feels so surreal.”
“It does. Instead of dying though, you could kiss me.”
Jimin rolled his eyes.
“I thought we were going to therapy first”
“Kisses are therapeutic.”
“I hate you. Come here.”
Namjoon walked up to Jimin and the younger one joined their lips almost immediately. There wasn't anything more to the kiss than pure love and longing. Every little feeling was poured into that kiss. Jimin wrapped his hands around Namjoon's waist and deepened the kiss.
“I missed you so much hyung. I don't think I am capable of living without you.”
“Me too Jimin-ah. Me too.”
There was no one who could predict the future, but to Jimin and Namjoon, the coming days meant a new chapter. A second chance to them and their relationship.
An opportunity not many people get.
“Do you wanna eat something?”
“By something you mean ramen.”
Jimin scoffed playfully, “Don't act like you're some sort of a MasterChef”
“Ramen it is!”