Chapter Text
For 800 years, Norrisville has been protected by a Ninja – a warrior to face the forces of evil. Little does anyone know, every four years, a new warrior is chosen. I’ve been the Ninja since my freshman year of high school, and I’ve been doing a pretty great job if I say so myself. I defeated the Sorcerer, after all!
I mean, yeah, the source of his power – the Chaos Pearls – were left behind and stolen, but it’s no big deal. Sure, McFist got ahold of them and used them to create horrendous stank beasts, but trust me, I handled it. And yes, he may’ve recruited someone to kill me but c’mon, I’m the Ninja!
The Ninja can handle a lot of things. I’ve dealt with robots, stank-infused people and piles of junk, broken bones, busted organs, and an insurmountable amount of stress. I even might’ve almost died. Yet here I am, alive and well!
And by my side are two of the BRUCEST, MOST AMAZING people in Norrisville. The Ninja works alone but that doesn’t mean he has to spend his life alone. I’ve got one of the most handsome shoobs around as my best friend and the most gorgeous, bombshell sweetheart as my boyfriend. We’ve been through a lot together and I’m so thankful for all of it.
To start our first day back from winter break, I’m sticking a photo of my boyfriend in my locker – right next to my little mirror. It's him laughing at something on my laptop. He's in my blue beanbag chair, snuggled up under my asexual pride blanket with his Ninja plushie in the crook of his arm. He's also wearing the hoodie he stole from me forever ago, and everything about him is perfect. He’s so pretty, it’s almost criminal.
I can’t help swooning a little. Junpei’s so bruce is sooo many ways! I’d smooch him if he was here, but alas, my prince is in another castle.
“Earth to Cunningham. Hello?” Howard prods from behind me. “Are you making kissy faces at Kawakami? This early in the day?”
I turn to him and close my locker. “What? No!”
Howard blinks, unamused. “You did not just put his picture in your locker.”
“You’re right. I didn’t,” I snark, the lie obvious on my sleeve.
“Mmhm. Sure.”
“Do you honestly expect me not to have a picture of him?” I open my locker again. I present the photo in all its glory: Junpei’s brown skin, his smile as he laughs, the subtle and nearly impossible to see rosiness under his freckles. I even drew a couple of hearts around him to further accent his beauty (and my love for him). “Look at him! He’s gorgeous!”
“I look at him all the time. He’s average.” Howard turns on his heel, unable to contain a mischievous smirk before he’s fully turned.
I slam my locker shut and rush to his side. Our conversation carries us as we climb two sets of stairs into one of the main hallways. “He’s a 10!” I counter.
“You’re an 8. You can’t land a 10.”
“But I did!”
“Mmmm, he might have a 10 personality but his face? An 8.”
I shove Howard. He stumbles a few steps with a smile. “He’s a 10, through and through!”
He shoves me back. I trip over the last step in the stairwell but catch myself before hitting the floor. “Hey, as an 8 personality with a 10 face, I think I know the difference.”
I clap his shoulder. “You’re flattering yourself!”
“I am! Have you seen me? I deserve it.” We break into some stupid giggling before we bump into someone.
“Hey, shoobies!” says someone with a shallow understanding of an inside voice. We look up to see Bash Johnson, school bully and McFist’s stepson. You’d think that’d make him my step-enemy, but I don’t think he’s capable of evil. That’s also not how it works…I don’t think. “You gotta meet my new bro! If ya don’t, the both of ya are gettin’ wedgies! The irreversible kind!”
“Uh, sure, Bash. We’d be happy to meet him,” I say, trying to be a good sport. Irreversible wedgies are technically reversible but I’ve heard it involves at least two different surgeries. I don’t know if our insurance would cover that.
Bash turns and drags a fit guy in a jean jacket out from his friend group. “C’mere, squirt!”
Eyes on him, I freeze.
“Bash! C’mon, let me open my locker!”
Before me stands Seth. My manipulative, jerky ex-boyfriend and my murderous, angry ex-mortal enemy. This is the guy Hannibal McFist recruited to kill the Ninja – but not before embedding stank into him, transforming him into the Dragon. He came for me, teeth bared and hands aflame. He almost finished the job but with my bruce skills and a lot of luck, I beat him.
In an epic battle that destroyed Mt. Chuck, I purified the stank clean from Seth’s veins. Doing so somehow gave him magic amnesia…and here he is.
I shouldn’t be scared of him. I’m not even entirely sure that I am.
After I started dating Junpei, Seth stalked and assaulted him on multiple occasions. He even sorta burned down Snow-klahoma trying to kill him. To say I have mixed feelings is an understatement.
Technically, I should’ve expected this. I should’ve known Seth, now Bash’s adopted brother, would show up at Norrisville High. It makes sense. As I stare him, however, it couldn’t make any less sense.
It’s bad enough he’s a McIndustries model and his face is everywhere. Now, he’s standing a couple feet in front of me.
“This is my little bro, Seth! I’m showin’ him the ropes!” Bash booms. “You give him any problems and I’ll give you somethin’ to have problems about!”
I feel Howard’s hand on my back. “Well, we’re not handing out problems, so don’t even worry about it. Cool? Cool.” He tries to leave the conversation but it doesn’t happen.
“Hey, hey! I don’t bite,” Seth cuts in, cutting us off. He puts out his hand with a wide smile. “Seth Leviathan McFist.”
My heart’s caught in my throat. My breathing threatens to get sporadic but I hold it back.
“Uh, we don’t do handshakes. It’s against our religion,” Howard says. “Nice to meet you, though. You smell great.” He grabs a fistful of my hoodie and pulls me away. Bash yells something after us and Howard ignores it. He ultimately pulls me into a janitor’s closet around the corner.
My back against the cold school bricks, I take slow breaths and run my thumbs across the strap of my satchel. I read the labels of the cleaning chemicals across from me. Mr. Wipe-It-Up, Steel Lemons Floor Shiner, Dr. Donner’s Disinfectant…
“Better?” Howard asks after a few minutes.
I nod. “This...this isn’t good.”
“No cheese, but,” he pauses uncomfortably, “Seth doesn’t know who we are. He doesn’t even seem like the same person.”
I shove my face in my hands and groan. “Why couldn’t Junpei be transferred here? Why’s it gotta be the lunatic who hung you guys over a volcano?”
“Do you really want Junpei coming to this school? With our wonk funding and these teachers?”
Crossing my arms, I mumble, “Kinda…but no.”
Howard nods. “It’s not like you have to make nice-nice with him. He’s here. So what? I’ve got you and you’ve got me. That doesn’t leave room for anyone else.”
I take a deep breath. “You’re right.”
“Of course I am.”
I scoff with only the utmost affection. “Let’s just get to homeroom.”
“– so any future trips to Mt. Chuck and the Silt Museum have been postponed. Due to an abundance of spilled lava, the place has to be rezoned,” Heidi says over the intercom. She’s been doing the morning announcements for the last few months now. “And finally, everyone give a warm Norrisville welcome to new student and McModel, Seth Leviathan McFist! He’s got a smile that goes the mile!”
I fake gag and Howard snickers. Yeah, Seth might be conventionally attractive, but we know who he was. We know who has the potential to be.
Much to our dismay, the shoob steps into the room. “Hey, sorry. I got kinda lost.” He glances over his shoulder, adding, “These hallways don’t make sense.”
The teacher ushers him in with a smile and insists he tells us something about himself.
“Oh, uh… I like to skateboard and fish.” With that, he’s directed to sit in the empty desk next to mine. He takes his spot and gives me a smile. I return it, uncomfortable but too polite not to.
Before class actually starts, whispers flood the room. I try to focus on a doodle of a cat playing a trumpet but it’s hard to ignore.
“He’s cute!”
“Cute? He’s the hottest guy I’ve ever seen!”
“Do you think he’s single?”
“I bet he has a limitless credit card!”
“I didn’t even think of that… Is pickpocketing hard?”
If Seth hadn’t been bent on murdering us for the last few months, I might be more sympathetic for him. I’m actually a little worried Howard’s gonna try to pickpocket him. A limitless credit card sounds pretty bruce, but I’m not gonna let my bestie commit a crime.
I don’t have the bail money for that.